bit of a situation

[eshanz]

:start::salams
inshallah 16th august im goin to umrah with my parents and 2 younger brothers. my mothers parents stay with my mothers older brother although they dont want to (long story) but the other day when foning them my grandma said she wanted to come to umrah with us. which is fine. now my grandad may Allah (swt) shower him in his blessings and mercy is mentally ill. unfortunatly he has dementia, a form of Alzheimer's disease and altho alhamdulillah he is fine physically he does require a certain amount of help for the bathroom etc. my uncle (mothers brother) said to my grandma (his own mother) that if ur going with them (us) to umrah then take dad (my grandfather) aswel coz we cant look after him.
let me rephrase, a son is refusing to take care/look after his own father in his old age who is also ill. yet he claims my grandfathers social care money for looking after him.
anyway my point to this thread is i said allow it bring grandad with us to umrah. i looked after him when he stayed in manchester with us bathing him etc. but my father said it would be very hard. now im abit scared. not about taking him to umrah but about what to expect.
anybody been in this situation before or anybody with any tips greatly appriciated.
on another note no im not trying to be a hero sayin yeh il take care of my grandad to show off. its not like that at all.
and last but not least i hope all of u inshallah make dua for him (and my grandma and me :D, and my family and everyone else) as i inshallah will make dua for the rest of
:jkk: for ur time i know some times reading the threads get abit boring.
Zeshan xx

[sapphire_blue]

May Allah SWT reward you for the effort you are willing to make for your beloved gradfather. Ameen.

I have not been in this situation before Alhumdulilah bro so I can't give you any experianced tips. Sorry. :(

May Allah SWT make it easy for you and your family and accept your umrah. Ameen

[urban_rose]

wa alaikum salaam, i too cannot give you any proper help :o but inshAllah everything will go easy for you :)
and Ameen to sapph's duaa.

[Umm 'Umarah]

:wswrwb:

Aaww, it’s so sweet of you to make intention to take your grandfather, such a commendable act May Allah(swt) reward you immensely. You’re so lucky to be going for Umrah, Masha’Allah.

Sister you should tell your uncle that he has to be dutiful to his parents. It is a grave sin to be neglectful to parents. If your grandfather has already been for Hajj it’s not necessary for him to go for Umrah and his son should really take responsibility- khayr, if he wants to go then Alhamdulillah, May Allah make it easy for you all.

I don’t really know what to advise you on, but you could ask your ticket agent or the person providing you accommodation for a helper person, someone who could at least take your grandfather to the masjid and back and help him around a little. There are usually lots people who are happy to help and are in need of some money. Alhamdulillah, over there you will find there are lots of Muslim’s who are lovely, friendly and helpful.

Insha'Allah, keep us in your du’aa's, we are all in need of Allah’s guidance.

[muslimahonline]

:start::salams
inshallah 16th august im goin to umrah with my parents and 2 younger brothers. my mothers parents stay with my mothers older brother although they dont want to (long story) but the other day when foning them my grandma said she wanted to come to umrah with us. which is fine. now my grandad may Allah (swt) shower him in his blessings and mercy is mentally ill. unfortunatly he has dementia, a form of Alzheimer's disease and altho alhamdulillah he is fine physically he does require a certain amount of help for the bathroom etc. my uncle (mothers brother) said to my grandma (his own mother) that if ur going with them (us) to umrah then take dad (my grandfather) aswel coz we cant look after him.
let me rephrase, a son is refusing to take care/look after his own father in his old age who is also ill. yet he claims my grandfathers social care money for looking after him.
anyway my point to this thread is i said allow it bring grandad with us to umrah. i looked after him when he stayed in manchester with us bathing him etc. but my father said it would be very hard. now im abit scared. not about taking him to umrah but about what to expect.
anybody been in this situation before or anybody with any tips greatly appriciated.
on another note no im not trying to be a hero sayin yeh il take care of my grandad to show off. its not like that at all.
and last but not least i hope all of u inshallah make dua for him (and my grandma and me :D, and my family and everyone else) as i inshallah will make dua for the rest of
:jkk: for ur time i know some times reading the threads get abit boring.
Zeshan xx

ALLAH SWT has chosen you and your family to get extra ' bonus points' for taking care of the elders. Embrace it.

What you can do is to take turns doing umrah. OR you can push your grandfather on a wheelchair that is usually provided by the hotel. Let the men pray jamaah 5 times a day, you can take turns with your mother.

What your uncle wants to do or not to do is his choice. Nobody can force him. Maybe you should discuss with your family about taking in your grandma and grandfather permanently. (maybe you have problems with space at your home Allahu'alam) Maybe he has been sacrificing a lot and he needs a break?

Usually we perform Umrah after solatul SUbh or Zuhr or Asar or Isya'. After wearing Ihram and making intention outside of Haraam - the closest usually they'll take you is Masjid Aishah. After making intention they'll take you back to Masjidil Haram and perform tawaf, Sa'iee solat etc - might take you 2-3hours. You can always take turns. OR your borthers can go twice a day if he wants. If your grandfather cannot wear ihram and all of you want to go at the same time, just take him anyway. (InshaALLAH, make dua that he gets well. May ALLAH SWT make it easy for you and your family.)

Wallahu'alam

[Zesty]

MashaAllah :) may Allah (swt) reward you for your wonderful intentions and make it easy on you. Ameen.
I havent ever been in the situation myself but maybe you just need to prepare yourself as to what exactly your grandads needs will be? :) Like what is he most likley ton eed help with, how can you manage that problem, is there things you could do to ease his pain and sicomfort inshaAllah? Maybe talking to a doctor about his needs before hand will also just give you some idea of what to expect?
InshAllah duaa's are with you :)

[eshanz]

:wswrwb:

Aaww, it’s so sweet of you to make intention to take your grandfather, such a commendable act May Allah(swt) reward you immensely. You’re so lucky to be going for Umrah, Masha’Allah.

Sister you should tell your uncle that he has to be dutiful to his parents. It is a grave sin to be neglectful to parents. If your grandfather has already been for Hajj it’s not necessary for him to go for Umrah and his son should really take responsibility- khayr, if he wants to go then Alhamdulillah, May Allah make it easy for you all.

I don’t really know what to advise you on, but you could ask your ticket agent or the person providing you accommodation for a helper person, someone who could at least take your grandfather to the masjid and back and help him around a little. There are usually lots people who are happy to help and are in need of some money. Alhamdulillah, over there you will find there are lots of Muslim’s who are lovely, friendly and helpful.

Insha'Allah, keep us in your du’aa's, we are all in need of Allah’s guidance.

:jkk: lol but im a brother. my name is zeshan hence the eshanz. but its the thought that counts :coolbro: looking after my grandfather alhamdulillah is not a problem i am alhamdulillah a fit and strong young man. i mean in terms on what are the fardhz upon my grandfather being mentally ill. he does not remember much if any of his namaz and has difficulty reciting :lailah: without reminders.
and not forgetting :jkk: to the 153 views (yet 5 replies) nice to know y'all can read :D
luv yaz
Zeshan x

[eshanz]

i get the feeling some of u may think i am a girl. im not by the way believe me iv checked :D.
Zeshan x

[Zesty]

i get the feeling some of u may think i am a girl. im not by the way believe me iv checked :D.
Zeshan x

Its the "x" :p maybe you should give those a miss.

[eshanz]

:jkk: lol but im a brother. my name is zeshan hence the eshanz. but its the thought that counts :coolbro: looking after my grandfather alhamdulillah is not a problem i am alhamdulillah a fit and strong young man. i mean in terms on what are the fardhz upon my grandfather being mentally ill. he does not remember much if any of his namaz and has difficulty reciting :lailah: without reminders.
and not forgetting :jkk: to the 153 views (yet 5 replies) nice to know y'all can read :D
luv yaz
Zeshan x

ALLAH SWT has chosen you and your family to get extra ' bonus points' for taking care of the elders. Embrace it.

What you can do is to take turns doing umrah. OR you can push your grandfather on a wheelchair that is usually provided by the hotel. Let the men pray jamaah 5 times a day, you can take turns with your mother.

What your uncle wants to do or not to do is his choice. Nobody can force him. Maybe you should discuss with your family about taking in your grandma and grandfather permanently. (maybe you have problems with space at your home Allahu'alam) Maybe he has been sacrificing a lot and he needs a break?

Usually we perform Umrah after solatul SUbh or Zuhr or Asar or Isya'. After wearing Ihram and making intention outside of Haraam - the closest usually they'll take you is Masjid Aishah. After making intention they'll take you back to Masjidil Haram and perform tawaf, Sa'iee solat etc - might take you 2-3hours. You can always take turns. OR your borthers can go twice a day if he wants. If your grandfather cannot wear ihram and all of you want to go at the same time, just take him anyway. (InshaALLAH, make dua that he gets well. May ALLAH SWT make it easy for you and your family.)

Wallahu'alam

:jkk: ur advice is most appriciated sister and i will inshallah take it in and think about how to do this. my grandparents dont really like staying with us honestly. and i know how this may sound but its not because we dont treat them right, personally i would love them to stay with us i even thought of leaving uni 4 a year at least so that my grandad has no immediate problems with care taking. mashallah we have big house with a bedroom and bathroom downstairs so my grandparents needn't go up n down the stairs yet they still refuse to stay with us. my mother has even checked about arranging a full time carer but still my grandparents refuse. and only Allah (SWT) knows why.
Wasalam
Zeshan x

[eshanz]

Its the "x" :p maybe you should give those a miss.

lol duly noted :D
Zeshan

[Zesty]

lol duly noted :D
Zeshan

:) good.
As for your granparents not wanting to move in... sometimes they just want their own space. Alot of times, the elderly also feel like they are a burden on their family and therefore would rather struggle alone then be a burden on others. Maybe a little bit of pride and dignity that comes into the equation :o You have to just respect their wishes inshaAllah. Aslong as they know you are there for them if and when they may need you- thats all thats important :)

[wleedhaq]

Take your grandad because you don't know if he will be alive next time you do ummrah inshallah. Take advantage of five before five including your youth before your old age and your health before yur illness, your free time before your pre-ocupation, your money before times are hard and your life before your death. Nobody who sincerely goes to ummrah aiming to please Allah (swt) ever regrets it - it always works in your favour in this dunya and their akhira. Take advantage of this opprtunity and inshallah you will also get reward for upholding the ties of kinship (relatives), and Allah rewards this by increasing your rizk (wealth)