Do spouses get bored of their partners? [Archive] - Ummah.com

.: Anna :.

13-07-07, 10:44 PM

Nooo.. u dont feel bored of them.
Its like do u really get bored of ur parents, or does a mum get bored with their child? you dont... cos the love between u is stronger than that.
If Allah insha allah places love in ur heart for ur spouse u really wont get sick of them, its not like some next person who if u see them every day u begin 2 feel tired of their company lol. Normally people like 2 hav their spouse around them.. its like reassuring 2 hav them around even if they are always there u wont get sick of it insha allah :)
If u feel bored maybe shud go and do some stuff together, have days out and stuff insha allah :up:
I kno some ppl mayb they chose a husband n after the marriage they find the love did not come as much as they hoped.. bt insha allah mayb they cn work on it more? but i wdnt really kno abt that neway..
bt i think wen ppl break up their marriage cos they r bored of each other is very strange... especially if they hv been happy, in that case 2 me the idea of "bored" is from shaytan whispering 2 him/her that they cn get some thing better and exciting, its jst an illusion. To me that is sooo sad. When people are divorced for reasons like abuse or ill treatment u cn understand that of course, bt for "i got bored" it kind of seems so saddening :(

insomniac

13-07-07, 10:46 PM

^^ :jkk: for response :up:

BTW I ask this question in general terms as I've heard some bad news this week of a possible seperation/divorce...

insomniac

13-07-07, 10:52 PM

bt i think wen ppl break up their marriage cos they r bored of each other is very strange... especially if they hv been happy, in that case 2 me the idea of "bored" is from shaytan whispering 2 him/her that they cn get some thing better and exciting, its jst an illusion. To me that is sooo sad. When people are divorced for reasons like abuse or ill treatment u cn understand that of course, bt for "i got bored" it kind of seems so saddening :(

yeh I know :( it is really saddening...inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon

I can't really understand the concept of 'bored of partner' if you marry for the sake of Allaah and love for the sake of Allaah...

maybe I'm just a bit green around the ears about these things..Allaahu alim

ibn suleman

13-07-07, 10:55 PM

hmm interesting question..personally i think boredom is just an excuse not a reason. like people get "bored" of computer games..its most likely because its too hard or its getting repetitve.. so u cud say ur bored and get rid of the game or instead u can change the settings or try harder...

:smack: thats a really bad analogy.:embar:

but yeh its usually sumthing more than just "boredom"

.: Anna :.

13-07-07, 10:58 PM

that is true ibn sule actually bored can indicate lack of effort...
ur analogy was not so bad :p also like in uni work if we think abt doing it, it seems alot then we think oh its so boring, oh mann i got alot of stuff 2 do. then u half heartedly try and find it boring and giv up. wen u force urself and u actually throw urself into the essay u wd find urself more gripped and enjoying it...

definately they shud insha allah persist and try 2 put maximum effort into the relationship b4 giving up for this reason. how abt going on a holiday or something jst the two of them, have they ever done that? or mayb not for a while? it cd b a chance 2 enjoy spending time in each others company n doing something interesting.. so it cd improve the way they feel? insha allah worth a try?

umm_yusuf

13-07-07, 11:14 PM

I've always wondered about this as well and since I am not married, I don't think I can offer anything beneficial in terms of advice.

However, I agree with those above who say that if the reason why you married your spouse was for deen then you can never get bored with a person's deen. You will learn together and Insha Allah grow in Eeman.

Subhanallah how can this result in boredom.

Kal-El

13-07-07, 11:20 PM

Then marry another wife if you can :scratch:

Problem solved :up:

insomniac

13-07-07, 11:23 PM

Then marry another wife if you can :scratch:

Problem solved :up:

and if the wife is fed up of husband.... :confused: not really the most practical advice...

:jkk: Ibn Sul good analogy and Anna :jkk: for input

.: Anna :.

13-07-07, 11:24 PM

Then marry another wife if you can :scratch:

Problem solved :up:

its not necessarily a solution... if he became bored quickly with one then likely to do so for others also? its not really solving the root of his problem, which is that of not being able 2 make a marriage work? :S
well jst personally i think if someone has a failing marriage, to attempt to take another wife is not the best idea... he could not even cope with one wife? if u get me..

Kal-El

13-07-07, 11:24 PM

Well the two wives can socialise innit. Buy them a Twister mat or something :scratch:

Problem solved :up:

Kal-El

13-07-07, 11:26 PM

On a serious note, I don't know why there are so many negative threads based on marriage. It's meant to be a new life, a new start but recently it feels like you're being sentenced to a life of misery :rubeyes:

السَّابِقُونَ

13-07-07, 11:26 PM

nah I don't think spouses do get 'bored'!! its more like dependent on, as mentioned before, the effort the individual partners put into the relationship!! otherwise there wouldn't be so many of our parents, still living a happily married life SUBHANALLAH!! Islam has made every aspect of life beautiful!!! by adhering to ALLAH's laws and fulfilling Sunnah through conduct and practice in every thing we do prevents things like divorces taking place!!!

the love you have for your spouse will be infinite INSHA ALLAH

insomniac

13-07-07, 11:26 PM

Well the two wives can socialise innit. Buy them a Twister mat or something :scratch:

Problem solved :up:

:rolleyes:

if ya say so... :wacko:

Kal-El

13-07-07, 11:29 PM

:rolleyes:

if ya say so... :wacko:

You don't like Twister? :p

insomniac

13-07-07, 11:29 PM

its not necessarily a solution... if he became bored quickly with one then likely to do so for others also? its not really solving the root of his problem, which is that of not being able 2 make a marriage work? :S
well jst personally i think if someone has a failing marriage, to attempt to take another wife is not the best idea... he could not even cope with one wife? if u get me..

:up:

insomniac

13-07-07, 11:31 PM

You don't like Twister? :p

:eek3: y don't ya just go play with some dolls or something

Kal-El

13-07-07, 11:32 PM

Ohh thats harsh :p I was joking about my other suggestions Insomniac, I hope your not offended by them.

Ruprecht

13-07-07, 11:35 PM

Familiarity breeds contempt.

GuCcI

13-07-07, 11:37 PM

i found the twister comment funnyyyy.. i love that game :p

but ya i was wondering about this too so i guess wat sis Anna said made good sense... go out and do fun stuff, different etc. but i guess that would get kinda hard to do wen u hav kids cuz u cant just ditch them cuz r tired and fed up the regular lifestyle :( thats why its good to live near at least one partner's parents :p go away for a romantic holiday or something :up:

Chained_Water

13-07-07, 11:38 PM

Familiarity breeds contempt.
Is this a quote or did you just make it up.
It sounds like an epiphany.

Muslimah Wifey

13-07-07, 11:48 PM

Nooo.. u dont feel bored of them.
Its like do u really get bored of ur parents, or does a mum get bored with their child? you dont... cos the love between u is stronger than that...

...2 me the idea of "bored" is from shaytan whispering 2 him/her that they cn get some thing better and exciting, its jst an illusion. To me that is sooo sad. When people are divorced for reasons like abuse or ill treatment u cn understand that of course, bt for "i got bored" it kind of seems so saddening :(

:up: :up: Excellent sister!! I totally agree! I think it is so sad to hear about a couple that are "bored with eachother" With the amount of love God puts between 2 when they get married, I just can't picture it.

hmm interesting question..personally i think boredom is just an excuse not a reason. like people get "bored" of computer games..its most likely because its too hard or its getting repetitve.. so u cud say ur bored and get rid of the game or instead u can change the settings or try harder...

:smack: thats a really bad analogy.:embar:

but yeh its usually sumthing more than just "boredom"

It is actually a very good analogy!!! :up: I agree when you feel bored... it's time to switch it up and bring some excitement INTO the marriage. And the bored person should take it upon himself to do that if he believes that marriage is a lifetime commitment that needs to be worked at to make work!

insomniac

13-07-07, 11:54 PM

but what if this bored person can't be bothered....maybe they're looking for any excuse out, what advice would you give 'em?

K h a l i l

13-07-07, 11:54 PM

Is anybody in this thread married... coz i want some personal experiences if u dont mind...

insomniac

13-07-07, 11:56 PM

but what if this bored person can't be bothered....maybe they're looking for any excuse out, what advice would you give 'em?

and worse still how do you console a pregnant wife who is devastated by such news?

Muslimah Wifey

13-07-07, 11:57 PM

Yea, I'm married... personal experience in terms of what?

Chained_Water

14-07-07, 12:04 AM

Of course it's possible and yes it happens to many.. if there is no conversation no depth in the relationship and no common ground, such situations may occur. But bored seems a very strange word for it, it's like saying you expect your spouse to be an entertainer for you or something, which is childish.. saying you're bored just reminds me how little kids complain of bordeom every two minutes.. I think that word just indicates there is no longer a good relationship between the person and their spouse.

umm_yusuf

14-07-07, 12:06 AM

Is this a quote or did you just make it up.
It sounds like an epiphany.

It's a quote.

Kal-El

14-07-07, 12:09 AM

This may seem odd; but why not marry someone with similar interests as you?

GuCcI

14-07-07, 12:15 AM

shamson

14-07-07, 12:19 AM

Not really. I got pregnant straight after I got married (not planned at all) and we spent a lot of time talking about the baby,names, etc and after we had her we just sat in silence staring at her think OMG she is ours (mashAllah).

We weren't really practising back then and coz we both worked and had different jobs/friends etc. we did drift apart slightly and do our own things, see each other at home after 6pm, get dinner,watch TV put the baby to bed and that was it.Too tired to do anthing else but mashAllah when we started to practice there was just soooo much to talk about and so much to do and learn we bounced off each other which was really wonderful alhumdolilla. when I was too tired to pray he would encourage me to pray and vice versa even until today mashAllah tabarakAllah.

Also a major thing was me stopping work. When I was pregnant with our 2nd child i went on maternity leave and then resigned. Alhumdolilla it was a really good job but leaving was the best thing as it helped me teach my daughter about islam and establish an islamic home wallahi. i had more time for my daughter and more time to spend with my husband.

Establishing an islamic home and keeping it that way is a 24/7 task as shaytaan is always on your case trying to destroy it. I personally think in marriage you can be exhausted but alhumdolilla not bored with each other. You can have a boring day where you have nothing to do or nowhere to go but that's the same whether you are married or not.

trust me especially if you have kids you can both just sit there and watch some of the craziness your kids do and say and just laugh and sit in each others company. you don't have to be yapping 24/7. I think the word I am looking for is 'content in each others company'

Chained_Water

14-07-07, 12:20 AM

It's a quote.
I thought it sounded familiar :embar:

insomniac

14-07-07, 12:20 AM

This may seem odd; but why not marry someone with similar interests as you?

cuz "religion" is put at the top of the list and then is family background, education, job, looks, personality.... personal interests get forgotten i think :rubeyes:

hmmmm :scratch:

I would have thought an interest in deen is a similar enough interest, but as you are on the subject of interests, the couple do have similar interests

moozer

14-07-07, 12:20 AM

I think when a relationship gets that way you have to take the time too "rediscover" your spouse and not push him/her away buy marrying another. I think this is hard for a non married person or a young person to understand.

Maureen

14-07-07, 12:26 AM

what's the likelihood? & why?

I agree with Anna. It comes down to love, doing things together and respecting each others point of view.

Kal-El

14-07-07, 12:26 AM

This is me personally, the deen is standard, I would never marry anyone who doesn't practice and doesn't fear Allah but I don't expect her to know the complete translation of the Qur'an by off heart.

So when I meet her I'd be interested in her personality, her character and her interests.

I see marriage as a lifetime with someone you love and can smile at 10 years, 20 years, 30 years etc into your marriage, with love. So you might aswell choose your spouse sincerely and not systematically. Those who don't put great emphasis on the character of their spouse's before they marry, are quite simply, foolish in my opinion.

shamson

14-07-07, 12:35 AM

practicing or not you will all have ups and downs in your marriage and when the 'downs' come you just have to turn to Allah and make more effort with each other and fight but subahnAllah I know a practicing couple who really don't get on much but they give each other their rights and try their best to get on but in their case i think they should just split up coz you can just tell from they way they speak about each other that they would rather be apart! She is all about 'my rights in islam' and he is all about OMG plz get outta my face. Really sad.

Kal-El

14-07-07, 12:37 AM

shamson

14-07-07, 12:43 AM

Sub'hanallah that's sad :(

yes but on a brighter note i have a good friend and her parents mashAllah they are soo funny to watch. They are both in their 50's and mashAllah tabarakAllah they won't eat without each other in the same plate,go out without each other, go to bed without each other it's sooo sweet to watch them. he sulks if she doesn't give him enough attention (when i go round and the house is packed with guests and kids) and then she will have to smile at him and go sit next to him.

They still give each other anniversery presents, eid presents etc. it is really cute to watch. I hope inshallah me and my hubby are like them and more when we are their age inshAllah.

Muslimah Wifey

14-07-07, 12:55 AM

Marriage advice on similiar interests for all you youngins out there ;) jk

A very VERY good thing that I hope you all can try out, and has helped my marriage grow so much is this: STRIVE TO TAKE ON YOUR PARTNERS INTERESTS!!!

My husband and me are alike in many ways (deen, habits, nature), but we had VERY different hobby interests when we first married. He loves all things VIDEO GAMES (as he is a video game graphics designer... of course he loves them) I was never really into them. But I made an effort, and my husband bought me a pink nintendo DS and now, I am addicted to XBOX 360 Live. lol jk (I'm not really addicted so please save yourself the lecture on addictive things being haram ;)

My husband is also really into anime and Japanese culture. I'm not. And I'm not a sushi fan either. But hey, California rolls are pretty good, and I find myself getting into anime movies sometimes too.

My husband is also a body builder. Me: I was never into nutrition. I eat what I want, when I want. And never really bothered working out as I was content with my body... but gym life and nutrition is a big part of my husbands life... Therefore, it became part of mine and now we are eachothers gym partners! And Now, I LOVE THE GYM!

Me: I am active with my school and MSA. My husband is graduated from Uni so he is kind of over the whole MSA thing, but he makes it an effort to go to all MSA events with me.

I also LOVE Indian movies (YAY for English subtitles) So, we do have movie nights where we alternate and he will sit through all three hours of them (dancing scenes and all) and whether he enjoys them or not, at least he pretends and TRIES!

By making an effort to actively participate in your partners interests, you may discover that you yourself have a passion for it.

Also, you hear in older marriages people talking sometimes about how "we just kind of grew apart" Well, if you always take on each others interests that can't happen. If they take up a new hobby, do it along side them!

Kal-El

14-07-07, 12:56 AM

Muslimah Wifey, it sounds like you have a wonderful marriage :up: There are a few people who also have Xbox Live - if you feel like beating them (they are all pants I hear, lol) play a few games with them

Supernova Nebula

14-07-07, 12:58 AM

i only find this issue among hollywood marriages lol. But Muslims? I dont think so and never come across any and i think especially for those who waited for so long to get married, no. lol.

znisha

14-07-07, 01:19 AM

Hmm...well before I started practising islam, I had relationships before:asta: and yes one can get bored of their significant other, but it's up to the both of them to keep their marriage spicy and fun. Don't keep things routine, be spontaneous. And always watch what you have, not what you don't have. Appreciate what you have, before it's gone and takes you too long to realise it you lost it...

Supernova Nebula

14-07-07, 06:38 AM

i only find this issue among hollywood marriages lol. But Muslims? I dont think so and never come across any and i think especially for those who waited for so long to get married, no. lol.

wait, yes, i;ve heard of some cases among muslims:o

AbuMubarak

14-07-07, 06:39 AM

what's the likelihood? & why?

yes

on a different note, my grandparents stayed married till they died, about 80 years

did they get bored of each other? i would imagine

but maybe not

because they didnt look at each other as some sort of entertainment, but rather as family

you are stuck with your family, even if its only just your spouse

Tahiyah

14-07-07, 06:52 AM

its natural for marriages to go through different phases. the important thing is to stick together. hows that go? a family that prays together, stays together.,,

bored? get spicy.. :embar: (keep it clean)...

insomniac

14-07-07, 10:47 AM

Once again :jkk: to all advice, as I said I just wanted some scope on this question as I heard some bad news of a possible divorce.

Nazias

14-07-07, 10:54 AM

Is anybody in this thread married... coz i want some personal experiences if u dont mind...

I have never been bored and Insha'allah I never will be! :inlove:

... exscuse my moment! :vomit: and :outta:

insomniac

14-07-07, 10:56 AM

I have never been bored and Insha'allah I never will be! :inlove:

... exscuse my moment! :vomit: and :outta:

Insha'Allaah and may it remain that way :)

Bint_Khalid

14-07-07, 11:01 AM

Thats what i've always wondered..
I always thought that after a while.. they become like ur annoying Sister/brother..

:confused: lol @ some of the stuff you guyz come up with.

krystal~sky

14-07-07, 11:13 AM

Thank u shamson and Muslim wifey! Jazakom Allah khair.
I don't believe people would get separated or divorced because of boredom, but because their spouses no longer satisfy their needs. For example I think husbands should remember that their wives usually need caring, compassion reassurance that they will always be loved, understanding no matter how their feelings don't make any sense. And wives should remember that their husbands need to be encouraged, admired, accepted no matter what, recognised for their efforts..etc.
I have an arabic copy of "Men are Mars Women are from Venus" . I learned so much from it about how men and women are so different in what they need (and nobody realizes that naturally), and how to grasp every chance to help their love grow. I recommend this book to anyone terrified of marriage, like I was :up:
I'd like to write parts of that amazing book here..I believe it has many secrets that might surprise you and also reduce fear from marriage...a lot.:D

ur_yusra

16-07-07, 04:49 PM

You could get bored.. but only if you have nothing in common..

If you're both practising then boredom shouldnt be such an issue, especially after children. Plus you can spice up your life by arguing.

urban_rose

16-07-07, 04:52 PM

Reptile

16-07-07, 04:56 PM

thats what i fear, can you imagine having those awkward silences *shudders* scary

owwww just bashed me elbowww :(

Kal-El

16-07-07, 04:58 PM

No one will have a successful marriage if they don't expect the bad times.

Reptile

16-07-07, 04:59 PM

No one will have a successful marriage if they don't expect the bad times.

that is such a cool avatar :D

Kal-El

16-07-07, 05:14 PM

that is such a cool avatar :D

I love Squirrels :D

Reptile

16-07-07, 05:16 PM

i was liking the superman aspect of it more lol

Ebony

16-07-07, 10:00 PM

what's the likelihood? & why?

Yep, very possible to get bored of them.

Anything really - lack of things to talk about, no new experiences to share, same routine etc

Doesnt necessarily mean its a bad thing.

insomniac

18-07-07, 11:44 PM

I would just like to re-iterate that this issue has nothing whatsoever to do with me and nor am I feeling this way. I was curious about this issue as a result of some bad news over the week.

:jkk: to everyone for their responses

Kal-El

18-07-07, 11:47 PM

I don't think anyone seriously would think it had anything to do with you sis :)

Debater

19-07-07, 12:06 AM

Allah kay bando, khud tajruba kyoun naheen kertay, ye dus hazaar sawaal kyoun kertay ho shadi waalay? khud kyoun naheen dekhtay is darya mein paani kitna hai?

Debater

19-07-07, 12:08 AM

Well, I also have a question about marriage. Do spouses get bored of their neighbours?

insomniac

19-07-07, 12:08 AM

Allah kay bando, khud tajruba kyoun naheen kertay, ye dus hazaar sawaal kyoun kertay ho shadi waalay? khud kyoun naheen dekhtay is darya mein paani kitna hai?

poochne meh koi arzh to nahi hai :up:

insomniac

19-07-07, 12:09 AM

Well, I also have a question about marriage. Do spouses get bored of their neighbours?

:rolleyes:

Debater

19-07-07, 12:10 AM

Yep, very possible to get bored of them.

Anything really - lack of things to talk about, no new experiences to share, same routine etc

Doesnt necessarily mean its a bad thing.
Well, they can experience new things, like quarrelling, shouting, fighting etc.

Debater

19-07-07, 12:11 AM

poochne meh koi arzh to nahi hai :up:
poochhna hai to un say poochho jo ye tajruba ker chukay hain, hum becharay to kanwaray he paray hain...hamara kyoun dil jalaati ho behna.

insomniac

19-07-07, 12:57 AM

poochhna hai to un say poochho jo ye tajruba ker chukay hain, hum becharay to kanwaray he paray hain...hamara kyoun dil jalaati ho behna.

I asked as a general question and if you feel you can't respond...then you really don't have to insha'Allaah :up:

it wouldn't be fair (to respond in Urdu, on all those who can't speak the lingo to come into this thread and not have a clue what the discussion is about

besides my urdu is not as good as yours for me to respond eloquently

Cashew

19-07-07, 05:36 AM

Here is the Unpleasant Truth for all you youngsters.

Marriage and family are hard work. 24/7/365.

You people talk about "getting bored with your spouse" as if "getting bored" were something that just magically happens, like a pimple. Nobody's fault or responsibility -- it just happens!.

Nothing "just happens" in a marriage.

In order to keep your spouse attractive and interesting to you, you've get to make sure that you keep yourself attractive and interesting to your spouse.

Get it? No vacations from "trying hard."

And it's really not an impossible task. We all basically know what makes a person attractive and interesting.

Optimistic people are attractive. People who take an interest in the world outside themselves are attractive. People who make sure to take care of their bodies so that their bodies are ready for romance are attractive.

You've gotta understand: marriage and family are a team effort .

One of the most important reasons for making sure that mommy and daddy are crazy for each other is that it makes for a happy home. It makes the kids feel very secure and it gives them an excellent role model for their own marriages.