wot to do??

[depressed]

salaam,

Where do i start...well im married and i have a baby who is 14 months. Ever since i had my baby iv been feeling depressed its not my baby she is gorgeous and i love looking aftering her and i would never change that foe the world. Its when I got married , I got married to my boyfriend, at that time i was on a high thinking im in love etc and he will make me happy and things. don't get me wrong he does make me happy when his family don't interfere that is. its just things between me and him has changed its not the same anymore. I don't feel like getting intimate with him anymore my excuse is the baby will wake up.its not that i dont find him attractive i do his gorgeous and i love him very much, but i just dont feel the same anymore.
Also i had problems with his mother and sisters and i know its bad but i dont like them at all we are still living with them i try and get on but only for the sake of getting on. My husband is in the process of buying a house but the process is taking forever and its stressing me out and making depressed. I keep eating junk food and fast food just to block it out when ever i feel like that i just eat and eat and i cant stop. I dont want to get fat coz my husband doesnt like fatties but i cant help it. I dont know if things will change after we move?? Sometimes i just think Im living for the sake of my baby coz if im not around who will look after her??? Coz the other day i wasn't feeling to well so i fed her at 3.30pm and went upstairs I told my mother in law and hubby im gona go upstairs and sleep coz i have a headache and they know that my baby eats every 3 hours after three hours my hubby brings her up with him and my baby was going crazy coz ahe was hungry none of them botherd to feed her i got so angry. So how can I leave my gorgeous baby with these people. Sometimes I cant wake up from bed i hate waking in the morning going downstairs to see my in-laws face it sometimes makes me phyically sick but i get out of bed coz my calls out "mum dood" (mum milk) her little face brings so much happiness she is a joy to be around. I thought i was gona be so happy with him but I dont think i am and plus my family was against me marrying him. My husband is more practising then me he prays five times a day etc. i don't know what to do anymore I just hate everything and everyone around me what do I do???

[RB64HP]

01) First start praying, and make dua to Allah (swT).
02) Tell your husband in Islam it is your right as his wife to have your own home, and not share with anyone else. Make sure he understanding how this issue is really affecting you, and it’s putting a strain on your marriage.
03) Talk to your husband, communicate all your thoughts, needs, desires, aspirations etc. with him. Because he is your companion, your pillar of support and a garment to protect, love and shelter you. As you are for him. If you cannot talk to him then who can you talk to.
04) Reprimand your husband if he does not fulfil his duties i.e. feeding your daughter. Make sure he understands he too is the parent of the child, thus responsible also, he must pull his weight.

[heaven2002]

start praying ur salat

[Al Qadr]

Sis, InshaAllaah your hubby will be able to get his own place soon, you are entitled to privacy and your own space.
Don't let anyone get to you, do whatever you have to, try to be pleasant as possible to everyone and time will go faster :insha: don't let them stress you out. You could stay around your mums house if you like for a few days until you feel better?



Among the noble qualities of the believer is that he doesn’t concern himself with spurious criticism. No one has been saved from curses and criticism, not even Allah, the Lord of all that exists, who is perfect and exalted.


The past is gone and has taken with it its woes and miseries. It cannot return even if the whole of mankind worked as one unit to bring it back

Make dua to Allaah, Allaah swt says:
"...invoke Me [and ask Me for anything], I will respond to your invocation" (40:60)

"And when harm touches man he invokes Us, lying down on his side, or sitting or standing. But when We have removed his harm from him, he passes on his way as if he had never invoked Us for a harm that touched him" (10:12)


"Is it not He [better than your gods] who responds to the distressed one, when he calls Him?" ( 27:62)


"And when they embark on a ship, they invoke Allah, making their Faith pure for Him only..." ( 29:65)


So main thing is ask Allaah for help :)and remember that Allaah doesn't burden a soul beyond his or her scope.

‘And in Allah should the believers put their trust’. (3:122)


This life is a test, Allaah is testing you, just have sabr :up:

[.: Anna :.]

sis alhamdulillah ur husband is buying a house for u, so try 2 focus on that and remember u will have ur own place soon insha allah. im sure it will really help u 2 have ur own space. understandably being around inlaws all the time and not having space cn get very annoying, especially with a baby...
mayb u cn tell ur husband how u feel, if u tell him n he listens it may make u feel better jst 2 get ur feelings out.
try 2 have sabr insha allah it will get better, and u have ur beautiful daughter to look after so that is a blessing for u. try 2 remember the positive things, and make a lot of dua insha allah it will help u feel better :)

[*hayat*]

Pray to Allah to help you, thats most important thing you can do. Also one thing really important is that keep reminding your husband of your right in him Islamically.

Do try to feel close to him becuase like you said making excuses that your baby will wake up will make you two more further apart rahter than being close and it might make him angry too whihc can cause upsetness,

Try remembering all the good times you had in the past and pray that you feel happy soon and try to understnad this all could be happening because of the currect situation you are in, not because you/him have changed.

May Allah help you...

[Debater]

As you love your baby, your mother in law also loves her baby (your husband), and sis dont always see this world from your own eyes, maybe your eyes are weak, maybe there's something more in the world which your eyes cant see, put yourself at his mum's place (your mother in law) and see what you would feel if your son would bring a wife home and live in the same house and what you would feel when your son left you alone and moved to a new house with his wife. I'm not saying you shouldn't move to a new house but as long you are with them all, be nice to them, if something is not according to your likes or taste forget that, because there might be many things you do which is not according to the likes of your in laws..

If I'm not wrong you are frustrated by many things, and it happens to us sometimes in the life at some stage, I think you should try reciting Quran more and more and inshaAllah things will become easy for you.

[angel*]

Mk sure ur reading ur prayers and dont let litle thingz get down, ur stronger than that. U have a gowjess child and a gr8 husband, just open ur eyes and c how lucky u really are. InshAllah everything will be ok.

[Babbage]

It would be worth seeing if there is a local mothers' and babies' group you coiuld go to with the child. It will get you out of the house and family and you will see other people with small chilkdren who can give advice from their own experiences.

[shamson]

As-salaamu alaiki sister,

I hope Allah the most High, the most Merciful makes this easy for you and keeps you away from harm and brings you closer to your lord.Ameen.

Sister i know exactly how you feel sister, reading your post was like reading my own thoughts from 6 years ago subhanAllah. I just wanted to kill myself astagfirulla and the only thing that stopped me was my daughter. She was 6 months old and i couldn't imagine not being there for her. I realise now that my mother in laws treatment stemed from the way she was treated by her in laws and she just followed their footsteps.

I know it is really hard sister and i can imagine what goes through your head everyday but sister be patient and turn to Allah the Most Hight the Most Merciful. Ask Allah to stregthen your emaan to bring you closer to your Lord.

Allah say 'After every hardship there is ease' you time of ease will come inshAllah just hold on and ignore everything around you that is upsetting you. Just see it as a test from Allah and bite your tongue.

Make effort especially with your husband, don't turn him away from you sister. he is your heaven and your hell. Every act of kindness from you is a reward in your books so just remember that and do it for the sake of pleasing Allah. Do it for the sake of Allah and Allah will reward you inshallah

I can not emphasise the importance of keeping your head together and just turn to Allah, tell him your sorrows, your doubts, tell him to ease the pain and bring baraka into you marriage, your family.

Not long now inshAllah so just look at your baby and think of all the things you have to look forward to mashAllah.

Love your husband for the sake of Allah even if you are not in the mood for his company force yourself and think ' i am doing this to gain Allah's pleasure' I loved my husband back then as well but everything around me was so bad that I blamed him for it and turned away from him which causes more heartache.

Alhumdolilla praise be to Allah the most High my relationship with my husband is just how it should be and i miss him so much when he has to go to work and just count the hours until he returns AND Alhumdolilla since moving out my relationship with my in laws has improved and we actually like seeing each other and having dinner, going out etc.

Please, please sister be strong and fight the whisperings of shaytaan the cursed one

[Radiohead]

salaam,

Where do i start...well im married and i have a baby who is 14 months. Ever since i had my baby iv been feeling depressed its not my baby she is gorgeous and i love looking aftering her and i would never change that foe the world. Its when I got married , I got married to my boyfriend, at that time i was on a high thinking im in love etc and he will make me happy and things. don't get me wrong he does make me happy when his family don't interfere that is. its just things between me and him has changed its not the same anymore. I don't feel like getting intimate with him anymore my excuse is the baby will wake up.its not that i dont find him attractive i do his gorgeous and i love him very much, but i just dont feel the same anymore.
Also i had problems with his mother and sisters and i know its bad but i dont like them at all we are still living with them i try and get on but only for the sake of getting on. My husband is in the process of buying a house but the process is taking forever and its stressing me out and making depressed. I keep eating junk food and fast food just to block it out when ever i feel like that i just eat and eat and i cant stop. I dont want to get fat coz my husband doesnt like fatties but i cant help it. I dont know if things will change after we move?? Sometimes i just think Im living for the sake of my baby coz if im not around who will look after her??? Coz the other day i wasn't feeling to well so i fed her at 3.30pm and went upstairs I told my mother in law and hubby im gona go upstairs and sleep coz i have a headache and they know that my baby eats every 3 hours after three hours my hubby brings her up with him and my baby was going crazy coz ahe was hungry none of them botherd to feed her i got so angry. So how can I leave my gorgeous baby with these people. Sometimes I cant wake up from bed i hate waking in the morning going downstairs to see my in-laws face it sometimes makes me phyically sick but i get out of bed coz my calls out "mum dood" (mum milk) her little face brings so much happiness she is a joy to be around. I thought i was gona be so happy with him but I dont think i am and plus my family was against me marrying him. My husband is more practising then me he prays five times a day etc. i don't know what to do anymore I just hate everything and everyone around me what do I do???

Your post sounds a little eratic, muddled, anxious...and im guessing it's a reflection of how you are feeling. There are quite a few things going on in your life that are making you stressed, depressed and axious and they all need to be tackled.

However, the thing that sticks out for me is your description fo the difficulties starting after childbirth - you seeem to show symptoms of suffering from 'Postnatal Depression'. Do some reading up on it online if you can; it effects many mothers after they give birth and if you dont recognise it it can spiral into a depression that lasts for a longer period of time. Like any other form of illness, depression requires some sort of medical treatment; a talking therapy is usually a good place to start. If I were you I would try and get in contact with local groups or your GP who will be able to assist in offering you practical advice and some counselling.

Hopefully the counselling will help you understand what (if anything) is at the root of your worries, and then you can learn to deal and cope with the problem without letting the depression cloud your outlook and your life. I can't emphasise enough how important I think it is to seek some sort of help for this :)