View Full Version : Divorced sisters with children
Peacenik
10-07-07, 04:55 PM
Asalaam-alai-kum
How many of you sisters (or brothers) know of any divorced or separated sisters with children ?
Do you think they're willing to re-marry again or have they given up hope of looking for another husband ?
I'm really thinking about taking this into consideration seeing that I seem to 'click' more with the (divorced) sisters than the single, unmarried ones.
So how prevalent is the situation ?
And are these particular sisters' criteria (in looking for another spouse) a bit more leniant (if that's the right word to use) than the single sisters' one (i.e. tall, dark and handsome) ?
Salaamz,
umm yeh, gt 2 say i no of sum1 hu gt divrcd wid children n alhamdulillah, she's marid agen 2 a yunga man (she wsn't leniant at all lol;) ), so.....it's wrkd out 4 hr n i believe thr's hpe 4 evry1 :D
How many (divorced) women would re-marry if that meant them having to lose their children? Not many thats for sure.
Peacenik
10-07-07, 05:21 PM
How many (divorced) women would re-marry if that meant them having to lose their children? Not many thats for sure.
How would they lose their children ?
How would they lose their children ?
The custody of children would be forfeited to the woman's mother, her sister etc (and the other maternal relations) and then to the ex-husband (and his family - paternal relations) if a divorced woman marries a man who isn't mahram to her children already (e.g. her brother in law). Although if she marries a ghayr man he does become mahram to the daughters via marriage, he needs to be mahram through blood relations and not marriage.
So in effect the woman has a "choice" = marry someone already mahram to the children or get ready to drop the kids like hot potato's.
Source (http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=2016&CATE=151)
Peacenik
10-07-07, 05:33 PM
The custody of children would be forfeited to the woman's mother, her sister etc (and the other maternal relations) and then to the ex-husband (and his family - paternal relations) if a divorced woman marries a man who isn't mahram to her children already (e.g. her brother in law). Although if she marries a ghayr man he does become mahram to the daughters via marriage, he needs to be mahram through blood relations and not marriage.
So in effect the woman has a "choice" = marry someone already mahram to the children or get ready to drop the kids like hot potato's.
Source (http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=2016&CATE=151)
What if the ex-husband (and his family) doesn't want anything to do with the children ?
What if the ex-husband (and his family) doesn't want anything to do with the children ?
Then the children would be handed over to the maternal relations and raised by them accordingly. Unless a court decides that they are inadequate of doing so then I suppose she'd get to keep them.
But the general rule of thumb is that which I detailed. So in the case of divorced women with children "re-marrying" isn't exactly a walk in the park.
Peacenik
10-07-07, 05:50 PM
Then the children would be handed over to the maternal relations and raised by them accordingly. Unless a court decides that they are inadequate of doing so then I suppose she'd get to keep them.
But the general rule of thumb is that which I detailed. So in the case of divorced women with children "re-marrying" isn't exactly a walk in the park.
But I thought it was a commendable act ?
Why so many restrictions ?
THE PATH 2
10-07-07, 05:52 PM
yes ..shariah wise the children will end up with the father...check the shariah rulings for daughters
but in good ole blighty anything goes
Chained_Water
10-07-07, 05:53 PM
But sis to be honest in this country I dont think its that much of a problem.. people don't even know half this stuff and usually fathers are happy to let the mother look after the kids, they just dump em on her anyway.. and then the woman and her family are responsible for how they arrange accomodation etc.. it wouldn't be sensible to have a growing daughter living under the same roof as you if you're remarrying for example.. but if she lived with her nan and you made sure you saw her a lot and still "brought her up" then that would be good no?
Peacenik
10-07-07, 05:55 PM
it wouldn't be sensible to have a growing daughter living under the same roof as you if you're remarrying for example.. but if she lived with her nan and you made sure you saw her a lot and still "brought her up" then that would be good no?
Good point.
I'll have to bear that in mind.
The father is obligated to provide for his children - even if he isn't living with them, and/or if he divorces their mother.
I dont see why having a grown up daughter in the home would pose a problem for a woman who wanted to re-marry. The husband would be mahram to the daughter through marriage anyway; so whatever hang ups people would have regarding that isn't really the issue. If its more to do with "having relations" with the husband and the daughter was still living there then thats a "modesty" issue. And the same would apply to having a grown up son in the home too. I doubt it'd be "comfortable" for either the woman or her children but they'd work at it and come round it since she is entitled and within her right to be married and have a husband as much as the children have a right to her.
It may not be a problem in this country since we don't live under Shariah but Shariah wise, thats how the arrangement is meant to go. Of course, if the woman/man can reach an agreement (e.g. the kids live with her and her "new husband" and he visits every so often - or vice versa that he gets custody and she can visit them as she pleases) then the shariah rulings aren't enforced on them. But in most cases "gheerah" issues arise and the man would rather have the children than have another man raise his children.
WARNING: off topic post
(schorry schorry):
Eboneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D Thussy kithy maree gae so? :inlove:
Peacenik
10-07-07, 06:03 PM
Very true (re. Ebony's post)
As I said, if the ex-husband doesn't want anything to do with the (ex) wife or children, then where's the problem ?
Why make such a commendable act so difficult ?
Redmist
10-07-07, 06:15 PM
Most husbands wanting to marry the wife are ok with taking on the kids from a previous marriage. Thier very mature and good about it these days, even if the kids are quite old.
Dont know the shariah ruling though.
Most husbands wanting to marry the wife are ok with taking on the kids from a previous marriage. Thier very mature and good about it these days, even if the kids are quite old.
Dont know the shariah ruling though.
previously married guys or non previously married guys?
Peacenik
10-07-07, 06:20 PM
previously married guys or non previously married guys?
Is there a difference in relation to marrying a divorcee with children ?
Is there a difference in relation to marrying a divorcee with children ?
i dont understand your question :scratch:
what i getting at was that its commonplace in socety for many a man to be more inclined to marry someone on the same footing as him self
not previously married bro marry not previously married sis
divorcee bro marry divorcee sis
from my experience tho that is. mashallah at guys who have the backbone to marry divorced sisters though :love: the stigma society attaches to them is not only unislamic but disparaging too
Peacenik
10-07-07, 06:53 PM
what i getting at was that its commonplace in socety for many a man to be more inclined to marry someone on the same footing as him self
not previously married bro marry not previously married sis
divorcee bro marry divorcee sis
from my experience tho that is. mashallah at guys who have the backbone to marry divorced sisters though :love: the stigma society attaches to them is not only unislamic but disparaging too
I agree entirely.
But I think the thread is going slightly off tangent :o
Going back to the first post, the question was :
How many of you sisters (or brothers) know of any divorced or separated sisters with children ?
Do you think they're willing to re-marry again or have they given up hope of looking for another husband ?
I would be happy if there are some answers to the above.
JZK
Noor_Usman
10-07-07, 06:59 PM
Asalamalikum.
That's really interesting. I honestly didn't have a clue that the woman would not normally be able to keep her children :rubeyes:
The way I've always been told and/or assumed is that once divorced it is up to the ex-wifes direct male family to provide for her until she marries again. As soon as she was married she was then the duty of the new husband. Any children she had would play "2nd best" so to speak to any children they had themselves in their new relationship...as would any adopted child :(
Is this maybe not a cultural thing that I have picked up instead??? :embar:
Peacenik
10-07-07, 07:02 PM
Asalamalikum.
That's really interesting. I honestly didn't have a clue that the woman would not normally be able to keep her children :rubeyes:
Walaikum-a-salaam
Is that right ?
I always thought the mother got custody of the children (unless she was unfit to look after them) ?
*again, off topic, but I thought it was an important point to make*
heaven2002
10-07-07, 07:03 PM
the divorced sisters i know prob want to marry another divorced person, because theyl have more idea of what theyve been through
Chained_Water
10-07-07, 07:07 PM
Peacenik, it is commendable of you to have such a positive attitude about marrying divorced sisters mashaAllah :up:
Esp in a day and age when people are so backward and prejudiced about it and see being divorced as having some kind of incurable disease :smack:
I'm sure a divorced sister would be lucky to have you as a husband mashaAllah.. so may Allah(swt) bless you with a pious wife ideal for you and make your marriage successful :up:
Theres alot of issues surrounding divorced women with children re-marrying. Despite it being a "recommended" act - the truth of it is, its not quite as straightforward as "your new husband can be a father to them" because infact her ex-husband is obliged to provide for them (financially, shelter wise if she has no shelter etc) and he has a number of other obligations that he needs to fulfill towards his children.
The mother usually does get custody of the children - but if she re-marries then that "automatic" delegation changes.
But going back to the topic, if she is a divorcee and has no children - and is a suitable match, then theres no problem and kudos to you for the decision :up:
Asalamalikum.
That's really interesting. I honestly didn't have a clue that the woman would not normally be able to keep her children :rubeyes:
The way I've always been told and/or assumed is that once divorced it is up to the ex-wifes direct male family to provide for her until she marries again. As soon as she was married she was then the duty of the new husband. Any children she had would play "2nd best" so to speak to any children they had themselves in their new relationship...as would any adopted child :(
Is this maybe not a cultural thing that I have picked up instead??? :embar:
The males family (or the ex) is only responsible in providing for her if she has children from that marriage. Aside from that, they are not responsible, but rather her own family is (her father, brothers etc)
The status of the "new children" from her "new marriage" wouldnt be any different to those from her "old children" from her "old marriage"
Any other way is cultural hogwash.
Peacenik
10-07-07, 07:53 PM
Peacenik, it is commendable of you to have such a positive attitude about marrying divorced sisters mashaAllah :up:
Esp in a day and age when people are so backward and prejudiced about it and see being divorced as having some kind of incurable disease :smack:
I'm sure a divorced sister would be lucky to have you as a husband mashaAllah.. so may Allah(swt) bless you with a pious wife ideal for you and make your marriage successful :up:
JZK Sister for your kind words.
But I think I must let people know that I'm also divorced (but no children).
I personally feel wanting to take it a step further by considering marrying (divorced) Sisters with children.
Not only will we both doing ourselves a favour in the eyes of ALLAH (SWT) but to each other as well (insha'Allah).
Not to mention that I seem to 'click' with these particular Sisters.
And may I ask if there are any divorced (or separated) Sisters here (or whether they know of any) that feel re-marrying looks is an impossibility (considering that they have been divorced and with children) ?
Redmist
10-07-07, 08:15 PM
previously married guys or non previously married guys?
Previously married guys and previously unmarried guys. Lets look at it another way he's marrying the women for her. There's something between em - personality, he likes her piety, her looks....for whatever reason. So if she happens to have been married before and has kids the guy will be big enough to accept that :up:
Its not so 'new' nowadays. You hear of it happening all the time.
Peacenik
10-07-07, 09:23 PM
Previously married guys and previously unmarried guys. Lets look at it another way he's marrying the women for her. There's something between em - personality, he likes her piety, her looks....for whatever reason. So if she happens to have been married before and has kids the guy will be big enough to accept that :up:
Its not so 'new' nowadays. You hear of it happening all the time.
Really ?
Masha'Allah !
I didn't realise it's much more common than I first thought.
Chained_Water
10-07-07, 09:40 PM
Its not so 'new' nowadays. You hear of it happening all the time.
Where? Because I've never heard of it and can think of enough divorced women who are struggling in getting married again.
Peacenik
10-07-07, 09:53 PM
Where? Because I've never heard of it and can think of enough divorced women who are struggling in getting married again.
I thought the same.
if a sister is divorced and has a son does she still need to marry a mahram of the child or lose custody :scratch:
this thing about forfeiting the right of keeping her children, rfom what i have read, these are guidelines in shariah set out to make things easy for muslims.
becos alot of women, lose kinship of family due to the divorce ,whcih leaves no one to pass the children onto and alot of the time, like CW sed, fathers dont wish to know their children wen they have divorced, some dont even wish to see their children , (how awful some people can be i will never understand).
question is, is it OBLIGATORY to follow these?, especially if the child is over a certain age and is in a position to make up their own mind as well?
when divorce takes place and both parties demand their rights, then the right of custody will be in the following way as sis Ebony stated but it should be remembered here that there is nothing wrong in making a mutual arrangement, as long as there is no objection from those who have a right to custody.
(the last para i got from here...http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/ccustody1.htm )
Well if you wish to abide by shariah rulings (as most people do with everything else, or try to) then it would become oblig to implement this as well. Otherwise it turns shariah into a mockery of "pick and choose" which bits you want to act on and which bits are a bit.."unsavoury" and so you can choose to "bend the rules" a little bit.
If he doesnt want anything to do with the child then theres no use handing the kids over to him. If the woman re-marries however then according to the shariah the children would go to her mother or her sister. If they dont want them then theres a lot of other people ont he list that you would go through. And anyway, each case is judged on its individual merits so really the guidelines are those which were in that link I included in my first post - but an actual decision would depend on the issues, circumstances and situation and be made accordingly.
Redmist
10-07-07, 10:39 PM
Really ?
Masha'Allah !
I didn't realise it's much more common than I first thought.
Yeh it is becoming more common. You get som good brothers out there.
Where? Because I've never heard of it and can think of enough divorced women who are struggling in getting married again.
Thats generally the rule.......a man not wanting to take on anybody elses kids, but like i said you get som good brothers out there!
Well if you wish to abide by shariah rulings (as most people do with everything else, or try to) then it would become oblig to implement this as well. Otherwise it turns shariah into a mockery of "pick and choose" which bits you want to act on and which bits are a bit.."unsavoury" and so you can choose to "bend the rules" a little bit.
If he doesnt want anything to do with the child then theres no use handing the kids over to him. If the woman re-marries however then according to the shariah the children would go to her mother or her sister. If they dont want them then theres a lot of other people ont he list that you would go through. And anyway, each case is judged on its individual merits so really the guidelines are those which were in that link I included in my first post - but an actual decision would depend on the issues, circumstances and situation and be made accordingly.
im not saying that we can choose not to follow shariah guidelines but that is it obligatory to do that?
bcos as u have sed also, i feel everybody's situation is different and should be judged accordingly i.e.some people might have all the people on that list around them but they arent practising islam and could lead the child away from the right path etc.
Allahualim
Thats generally the rule.......a man not wanting to take on anybody elses kids, but like i said you get som good brothers out there!
to be fair there are also alot of sisters who dont wish to take on another woman's children (which is why some men leave the kids back home with relatives while living with the new wife here :55::55::55: )
Redmist
10-07-07, 10:50 PM
to be fair there are also alot of sisters who dont wish to take on another woman's children (which is why some men leave the kids back home with relatives while living with the new wife here :55::55::55: )
I dont see what the problem is. You marry your partner for THEM not kids. Kids are kids, you should treat them like they were your own, just that ur wife/husband had a history and the kids came out of that.
im not saying that we can choose not to follow shariah guidelines but that is it obligatory to do that?
bcos as u have sed also, i feel everybody's situation is different and should be judged accordingly i.e.some people might have all the people on that list around them but they arent practising islam and could lead the child away from the right path etc.
Allahualim
Yes and that is why I stated these family members would need to be "vetted" in order to ascertain suitability. In the end, this is usually about the child and what would be in her/his best interest. And when the children are old enough, they can decide who they wish to live with anyway - most often they choose the mother. So its not an issue :p
Yes and that is why I stated these family members would need to be "vetted" in order to ascertain suitability. In the end, this is usually about the child and what would be in her/his best interest. And when the children are old enough, they can decide who they wish to live with anyway - most often they choose the mother. So its not an issue :p
:inlove::inlove::inlove::inlove:
I dont see what the problem is. You marry your partner for THEM not kids. Kids are kids, you should treat them like they were your own, just that ur wife/husband had a history and the kids came out of that.
tell that to some narrowminded ignorant people, i feel sorry for the kids, its so rife.
Redmist
10-07-07, 11:09 PM
tell that to some narrowminded ignorant people, i feel sorry for the kids, its so rife.
Yeh......you know what i was gonna say in the last post was - if they love you they love your kids :inlove: Thats the way i see it, but ur right MG a lot of people dont look at it like that. Oh well..
Yeh......you know what i was gonna say in the last post was - if they love you they love your kids :inlove:
that would be for the parent of the children to put across, i mean if they are blatantly not accepting your kids, why are u marrying them, may ALlah swt guide us.Ameen
Chained_Water
11-07-07, 12:22 AM
I think in this day and age in most families you would not find anyone willing to look after a womans children just because she is getting married again.. can you imagine it? It's just inconcievable.. going to a relative and saying I'm getting married again and islamically the custody of my child could go to you, what do you think? They would tell you to shove off and look after your own kids, you freak..
It's really only the womans mother that may be willing to do this.. even then she may not be willing.. its a big responsibility.. most people dont want to be involved in the politics of it.. with both parents alive and liable to come knocking on the door complaining when the kid turns out to be a rebel..
It just wouldn't happen.
I think we live in a world where islam is not fully implemented in society, I think it's impossible for us to implement some parts of it because we are ONLY individuals, we can't and don't control anybody but ourselves, we don't even control our family members and relatives.. and by no means society..
So most practising Muslims try to implement Islam in their lives.. but lets remember we live in the here and now.. and it would probably, considering all issues, in most cases, be more wise and sensible for kids to stay with the mother regardless of whether she remarries..
It may even be better for them to stay with the nan though.. because I know of cases where dodgy things can happen between the step-dad and the daughters or other kids.. it can cause friction.. I know one family who is has completely split up, the step-dad persuaded one daughter to marry his brother, against the mothers will no involvement from her real dad or mother or sisters.. she went against them and is now living alone with the step-dad and the mother had split with him and the whole family a mess.. It's sickening to me, but he basically used her as a visa for his brother, divorced her mum, knows he's destroyed their relationship and she probably got stupidly loved up went alone with him to get married in pak, without her mum or anyone being there :smack:
Other times it can be discipline, step-dad can't really discipline the kids.. kids act up.. causes problems..
So there is definately wisdom in the shariah rules regarding this.. because it can cause probs in the relationship between the mother and her kids, and the new bloke and the mother too.. If people did it the shariah way, everyone would just know that's how it's got to be..
Messy messy :S
I think in this day and age in most families you would not find anyone willing to look after a womans children just because she is getting married again.. can you imagine it? It's just inconcievable.. going to a relative and saying I'm getting married again and islamically the custody of my child could go to you, what do you think? They would tell you to shove off and look after your own kids, you freak..
It's really only the womans mother that may be willing to do this.. even then she may not be willing.. its a big responsibility.. most people dont want to be involved in the politics of it.. with both parents alive and liable to come knocking on the door complaining when the kid turns out to be a rebel..
It just wouldn't happen.
I think we live in a world where islam is not fully implemented in society, I think it's impossible for us to implement some parts of it because we are ONLY individuals, we can't and don't control anybody but ourselves, we don't even control our family members and relatives.. and by no means society..
So most practising Muslims try to implement Islam in their lives.. but lets remember we live in the here and now.. and it would probably, considering all issues, in most cases, be more wise and sensible for kids to stay with the mother regardless of whether she remarries..
It may even be better for them to stay with the nan though.. because I know of cases where dodgy things can happen between the step-dad and the daughters or other kids.. it can cause friction.. I know one family who is has completely split up, the step-dad persuaded one daughter to marry his brother, against the mothers will no involvement from her real dad or mother or sisters.. she went against them and is now living alone with the step-dad and the mother had split with him and the whole family a mess.. It's sickening to me, but he basically used her as a visa for his brother, divorced her mum, knows he's destroyed their relationship and she probably got stupidly loved up went alone with him to get married in pak, without her mum or anyone being there :smack:
Other times it can be discipline, step-dad can't really discipline the kids.. kids act up.. causes problems..
So there is definately wisdom in the shariah rules regarding this.. because it can cause probs in the relationship between the mother and her kids, and the new bloke and the mother too.. If people did it the shariah way, everyone would just know that's how it's got to be..
Messy messy :S
that is so sad about the sister :( this is why we need our mehrams/parents so that people know they cant mess with us.
May Allah swt make things easy for her and give her hubby his jus desserts ameen.
Jus reading/hearing the word "visa" makes me wanna vomit.
I agree with what u sed sis, these days it is very difficult to implement all the shariah laws,especially as we are in a non-muslim country, which makes it more difficult.
At least if u get married and the child is considered baligh, then these rules dont really apply, also maybe in some cases its jus better for the woman to wait till her child is considered baligh and then marry, but then that has its own problems, cos the woman could be 30yrs old and have a 1yr old, she wouldnt be marrying till she in her 40's then!
I personally dont see the benefit behind lumping the kids off to the grandmother if the mother re-marries, since she obviously wouldnt just marry the first chap who came along. Usually divorcee's with children vet prospective partners to the tee and ensure they accept the children and treat them like their own. And if divorced women can marry without the permission of their wali (since they are seen to be "experienced" and be able to make the decision on their own) then to suggest that she somehow is incapable of looking out for her childs interest in the re-marriage stake is a strange assumption to make.
Although we dont live in an Islamic society, its fairly easy to either follow or not follow these guidelines since there really isn't anyone enforcing them on us. However whats important to realise and be aware is that if we lived under Shariah (for those who go on and on about it), this is how it would be - regardless of how "islamically intune" or "out of tune" the society/family is.
At least if u get married and the child is considered baligh, then these rules dont really apply, also maybe in some cases its jus better for the woman to wait till her child is considered baligh and then marry, but then that has its own problems, cos the woman could be 30yrs old and have a 1yr old, she wouldnt be marrying till she in her 40's then!
It would be unwise for a woman to wait that long to remarry because generally men who are the 'second husbands' will want children out of their marriage (unless the men have kids from the first marriage but even then in some cases they would like a kid from the second relationship too) and the younger the woman is, the better.
In the UK, what generally happens when Muslim couples get divorced is that the children go to the mother regardless of whether she remarries or not. Apparently a practising brother who lives with his wife (both him and his wife's second marriage) and little stepkids told me that there are circumstances under which by Islamic standards the children would be better off with the mother such as if their father was unislamic. A large proportion of sisters I know get divorced through no fault of their own due to unislamic things the husband has done whether he'd; commit zina, get a boyfriend:eek:, drink alcohol and/or be violent etc.
There are common stigmas attached to divorced women with children which makes it all the more difficult for them to get married but mashallah there's a rare but growing number of considerate brothers (both single and divorced) who wouldn't be detered by that. I also know of a small minority of women who refuse to get married after becoming divorced with children because they are extremely wary of what would become of their daughters in particular.
I think it is great news Peacenik that you'd be happy to marry a sister in a situation like that. I think divorced sisters are very discerning about the type of man they'd want to marry but they'd be choosy for different reasons than single women. Divorced women will be more discerning for example about how you'd behave towards their children whereas single women don't have to think about that. Divorced women are stigmatised because they're considered as people with 'baggage', but as long as you really talk things through before marriage so that there are no illusions about the type of life you envisage having together, you should be okay inshallah.
Don't be afraid to ask serious and hard questions about what would become of the children from the first marriage and what their relationship is like with their real father (because for example if there's joint custody, the real father would still have some role to play in their lives and depending on how amicable the divorce is, that could interfere in your relationship so that needs to be addressed). Also don't be afraid to ask hard questions about whether old wounds have healed from the distress of the previous marriage or whether she's learned to trust men again (some women recover with time from the trauma of divorce and learn better things from it which could strengthen your relationship whereas others become distrustful and learn to hate men and that's not the sort of woman you want).
muslimahonline
11-07-07, 09:40 PM
Salam,
Not all single mothers or divorced women are looking to re-marry. SOme are.
Divorced women are given an iddah of 3 months (3 menstrual cycle) before they remarry ( if preganant till the day she gives birth), ALLAH knows best why, maybe one of the reasons being so that they can cleanse themselves and also in this period of being single, they can reflect on what has happened in their lives. Why the divorced occured, was it their fault? Was if their husband's fault? Noone's fault? Was she too demanding? was he too violent? was he violent because she was too demanding ? :)
After marriage, after giving birth even more, a woman will enter a different world. SHe is more matures, she knows her priorities (sadly, not all) and if she remarries 80% I should think would treat their husbands better than the previous marriage.
After you think you have a found a candidate for any reason, ask ALLAH to show you the right path to take... always..
Wallahu'alam
heaven2002
12-07-07, 09:28 AM
Salam,
Not all single mothers or divorced women are looking to re-marry. SOme are.
Divorced women are given an iddah of 3 months (3 menstrual cycle) before they remarry ( if preganant till the day she gives birth), ALLAH knows best why, maybe one of the reasons being so that they can cleanse themselves and also in this period of being single, they can reflect on what has happened in their lives. Why the divorced occured, was it their fault? Was if their husband's fault? Noone's fault? Was she too demanding? was he too violent? was he violent because she was too demanding ? :)
the iddah period is to be sure that theres no pregnancy
aisha2007
12-07-07, 10:36 AM
I agree entirely.
But I think the thread is going slightly off tangent :o
Going back to the first post, the question was :
How many of you sisters (or brothers) know of any divorced or separated sisters with children ?
Do you think they're willing to re-marry again or have they given up hope of looking for another husband ?
I would be happy if there are some answers to the above.
JZK
Asalaam Alaikum
I know three sisters who have been divorced and all have kids, one is actually a grandmother. Two are remarried and have their kids with them, and they still have a relationship with their fathers, and one sister who is now looking for a husband. She is in her early 30's with a 4 year old daughter. Her daughter spends from Friday evening till Sunday morning with her dad, and her dad is remarried and has no problem with his ex getting remarried and having custody of their daughter. It's all about common sense, and she should get remarried Insha Allah, to protect her deen.
As it is you don't need to make it sound like because they are divorced with kids they are written off :rubeyes:
And don't think they are gonna be more lenient because they are desperate lol. That's not how it works!! If anything they are surer in what they want from a relationship.
muslimahonline
12-07-07, 05:58 PM
the iddah period is to be sure that theres no pregnancy
Agreed, one of the many reasons why divorced women must observe an iddah period, to make sure there is no pregnany, to make sure she is cleansed before being with another husband to avoid deseases, to give them time to reflect and decide whether to get back together or not if not talaq 3, and many other reasons that is only known to ALLAH
ALLAH KNOWS BEST
He can still take her back during the iddah period - so its not just about deducing whether she is pregnant or not.
heaven2002
12-07-07, 08:23 PM
He can still take her back during the iddah period - so its not just about deducing whether she is pregnant or not.
yes but once final talaq has been said then she stil has to wait out iddat period then ?
*hayat*
12-07-07, 08:28 PM
So in effect the woman has a "choice" = marry someone already mahram to the children or get ready to drop the kids like hot potato's.
Source (http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=2016&CATE=151)
sorry but i was nto sure what you meant about marrying someone who is already mahram to kids? can you give example if possible??
sis_niqabi
12-07-07, 08:43 PM
salam
i've lost count. most of the sister i know do want to re-marry. but there is a certain trend going around where many brother nowadays are looking dow upon divorced women as impure and not worthy.
sad situation we live in today
Sparkle
12-07-07, 08:59 PM
salam
i've lost count. most of the sister i know do want to re-marry. but there is a certain trend going around where many brother nowadays are looking dow upon divorced women as impure and not worthy.
sad situation we live in today
So sad :( They need to look to the sunnah of our Beloved Prophet SAW, and who he married ...
(indeed Islam gave an answer for every misconception and problem that may arise ... here is yet again another peice of proof )
sorry but i was nto sure what you meant about marrying someone who is already mahram to kids? can you give example if possible??
This means marrying someone like the ex husband's brother or father.
This means marrying someone like the ex husband's brother or father.
( :o a woman cant marry her ex husbands father, a man remains a womans mahram for life, even if she is divorced, if she consumated the marriage with his son)
and yep peacenick masha Allah im sure most divorced sisters are happy to marry again, and masha Allah its good to see some men of this ummah, making sure they take care of the muslim children too Alhamdulillah this was the way of the sahabba, They would marry previously married women especially those with children, as there is so much barakah in taking care of the kids of this ummah wether they have fathers already or not, custody issues dont even come into it until the kids are close to puberty age anyway, and as said earlier sadly a lot of fathers dont bother, and a good step father will give as much good grounding to a kids life as their own father would insha Allah, and it is extremely important for kids to have a trustworthy male role model in their lifes treating their mothers well, and showing them good example, may Allah ta ala reward such brothers amin.
( :o a woman cant marry her ex husbands father, a man remains a womans mahram for life, even if she is divorced, if she consumated the marriage with his son)
Oh this is the first I've heard of it and I'm surprised to hear it considering that the couple themselves become non mahram to each other after divorce (at least I thought that was the case). Do you have the evidence to hand regarding this? Does the same apply the other way round (ie if a woman gets divorced, is her mother still mahram to her ex husband)?
Oh this is the first I've heard of it and I'm surprised to hear it considering that the couple themselves become non mahram to each other after divorce (at least I thought that was the case). Do you have the evidence to hand regarding this? Does the same apply the other way round (ie if a woman gets divorced, is her mother still mahram to her ex husband)? yup a womans, daughters, husband is her mahram. Even if the girl divorces the man, he remains his ex-wifes mahram for life. He is no longer the mahram of his ex-wife though.
surah an nisaa 22: And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed; indeed it was shameful and most hateful, and an evil way.
23: Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who suckled you, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives' mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allâh is Oft*Forgiving, Most Merciful.
yup a womans, daughters, husband is her mahram. Even if the girl divorces the man, he remains his ex-wifes * mahram for life. He is no longer the mahram of his ex-wife though.
surah an nisaa 22: And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed; indeed it was shameful and most hateful, and an evil way.
23: Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who suckled you, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives' mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allâh is Oft*Forgiving, Most Merciful.
oops slight typo there, should be a man remains the mahram of his ex-wifes mother * even after divorce.
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