Tosh
07-07-07, 09:29 AM
Note: This is given from the male perspective, but could equally work the other way.
1. You don't go scouting and using MSN as an excuse to talk to all types of girls that you couldn't otherwise talk to. Some people from my friend's country have 'Aqd (official documented marriage - after informed decision) and no consummation or Walima. Then they talk on phone for a year (or so) and get to know each other. If they want to call it off they can do. Just one way...its not
actually as strict as some people make it out to be.
1.1 This doesn't, however, rule out having a meeting via webcam with girl and wali as you would in the real situation. The major problem is the exclusion of wali.
2. It is getting harder to know people nowadays - true. In the past, perhaps people would have known a lot more about those they were going to marry because they were more likely to be a person in the locality. For one, you don't know who they are talking to on MSN! (with regards to the other thread about whether this is allowed or not :))
3. Sisters and brothers (i.e. siblings) tend to know a lot about a person. So do close friends who you could get your mother/sister/aunt to talk to.
4. This idea of searching for the 'soulmate' type person is a bit silly. You should look for someone suitable, and then make it work. Not just scout around forever as if you are always going to find someone better. All people have flaws. This comment might be irrelevant, not like we all get marriage offers all the time. Also, don't ask someone who is already asked, nor ask someone whilst you are dealing with another proposal...just messy.
The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) said: "If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude please you, then marry (your female relative who is under your care) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption." (Tirmidhi)
I think this is partically where this teaching came from:
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: When a woman reaches the age of puberty, if there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character she is pleased and who is compatible, and the wali does not have any proof that he is not compatible, then the wali has to respond to his request and marry her to him. If he refuses to do so, then his responsibilities towards his charge should be pointed out to him. If he still insists on refusing after that, then he forfeits the right of guardianship and it passes to the next closest relative on the fathers side.
5. An interesting Hadith - With regard to the idea of a Muslim woman offering herself in marriage to a righteous man, that does not contradict the idea of modesty, so long as he is trustworthy with regard to his religious commitment and moral attitude. It was narrated that Thaabit al Banaani said: "I was with Anas ibn Maalik and a daughter of his was with him. He said: 'A woman came to the Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.) and offered herself in marriage to him. She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, do you want to marry me?' The daughter of Anas said: 'How little was her modesty. How shameless, how shameless!' Anas said: 'She was better than you; she had a liking for the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) so she offered herself in marriage to him.'" (Bukhaari)
This was at the time of the Prophet(saw); many of us have these ill-feelings towards others immediately and without thinking, perhaps it is natural human tendency. We need to be sincere in discovering Islam. May Allah forgive us. Ameen.
The Green Grass is on your side!
At the end of the day, you are in safe Hands. Allah has given us the sanctity of marriage to complete half of our Deen in a Halal, enjoyable and rewarded way. A little steadfastness goes a long way. May Allah guide us all to turn to Him in all matters and to choose our spouse-to-be in a correct way, whilst protecting us from Shaytaan and evil temptations, and make our partners be the coolness to our eyes. Ameen.
Allahu alim.
1. You don't go scouting and using MSN as an excuse to talk to all types of girls that you couldn't otherwise talk to. Some people from my friend's country have 'Aqd (official documented marriage - after informed decision) and no consummation or Walima. Then they talk on phone for a year (or so) and get to know each other. If they want to call it off they can do. Just one way...its not
actually as strict as some people make it out to be.
1.1 This doesn't, however, rule out having a meeting via webcam with girl and wali as you would in the real situation. The major problem is the exclusion of wali.
2. It is getting harder to know people nowadays - true. In the past, perhaps people would have known a lot more about those they were going to marry because they were more likely to be a person in the locality. For one, you don't know who they are talking to on MSN! (with regards to the other thread about whether this is allowed or not :))
3. Sisters and brothers (i.e. siblings) tend to know a lot about a person. So do close friends who you could get your mother/sister/aunt to talk to.
4. This idea of searching for the 'soulmate' type person is a bit silly. You should look for someone suitable, and then make it work. Not just scout around forever as if you are always going to find someone better. All people have flaws. This comment might be irrelevant, not like we all get marriage offers all the time. Also, don't ask someone who is already asked, nor ask someone whilst you are dealing with another proposal...just messy.
The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) said: "If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude please you, then marry (your female relative who is under your care) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption." (Tirmidhi)
I think this is partically where this teaching came from:
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: When a woman reaches the age of puberty, if there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character she is pleased and who is compatible, and the wali does not have any proof that he is not compatible, then the wali has to respond to his request and marry her to him. If he refuses to do so, then his responsibilities towards his charge should be pointed out to him. If he still insists on refusing after that, then he forfeits the right of guardianship and it passes to the next closest relative on the fathers side.
5. An interesting Hadith - With regard to the idea of a Muslim woman offering herself in marriage to a righteous man, that does not contradict the idea of modesty, so long as he is trustworthy with regard to his religious commitment and moral attitude. It was narrated that Thaabit al Banaani said: "I was with Anas ibn Maalik and a daughter of his was with him. He said: 'A woman came to the Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.) and offered herself in marriage to him. She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, do you want to marry me?' The daughter of Anas said: 'How little was her modesty. How shameless, how shameless!' Anas said: 'She was better than you; she had a liking for the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) so she offered herself in marriage to him.'" (Bukhaari)
This was at the time of the Prophet(saw); many of us have these ill-feelings towards others immediately and without thinking, perhaps it is natural human tendency. We need to be sincere in discovering Islam. May Allah forgive us. Ameen.
The Green Grass is on your side!
At the end of the day, you are in safe Hands. Allah has given us the sanctity of marriage to complete half of our Deen in a Halal, enjoyable and rewarded way. A little steadfastness goes a long way. May Allah guide us all to turn to Him in all matters and to choose our spouse-to-be in a correct way, whilst protecting us from Shaytaan and evil temptations, and make our partners be the coolness to our eyes. Ameen.
Allahu alim.