My family against Islam

[Ummah-Forever]

Salaam Alaykum dear brothers and sisters in Islam,

I am a 19 years sister from Serbia (Eastern Europe). I belong to a "modern" family of educated Muslims of who no one is practicing. That means, no fasting, no prayer, no mosque, alcohol drank by parents and children, pre-marital sexual relationships allowed, and many haram things. My mother even claims we are Orthodox people who if there was no Turkish invasion would neven become Muslims. I came to learn about Islam trough literature faculty, because of my immense interest in our heritage trough self-study as I am a person who was by nature modest and not into "modern" way of life. My Iman grew strong so that my life without Islam would be a big desperate lie now.
That lead to me being a major disappointment to my parents who grew up as communists and now they just say they do not believe there is any God. They want me to "prosper" in my study but believe religion is backward. In that kind of environment you are told by your mother and father why don't you wear tight things, show your legs, you are young, wear make up, find a boyfriend, go out. We already had many problems because of me not wanting to go on one of those haram weddings with half naked women, music, alcohol.. Now we are going to the seaside where we have some relatives and there will be a major pressure on me to take my close off on the beach as done in previous years. I can't do that and there will be a conflict again. I can't take conflicts anymore. I am close to wearing my hijab. They say they are ashamed of me. I am told by my father that he will throw me out of the house and stop financing my studies if I wear the hijab. I pray to Allah day and night to help me. They are laughing at me, putting me down and I have always been an obedient child. I love them but they are breaking my life and my dreams. They don't understand the belief in Allah and the love for the Prophet (s.a.w), they think it is crazy. They find me backward, I have to hide to pray every day. I have nowhere to go now and I do not want to get married yet as I am studding my Masters Degree. Even if I would want to, there are no real practicing Muslims around, only the kind of my family in Belgrade. I don't feel I am ready for family in the next few years anyway. And my father would certainly not allow me to marrie a practicing person. It is an orthodox city I live in where Muslims are hated, but I am not afraid from the people outside, I can fight those who hate me anyway, but how do you "fight" those you love? How do I say stop to my parents. How do I make them understand and stop them from becoming people of no faith.
To all the people who have practicing parents, you have no idea the blessing you have from Allah to be able to be free in your deen.

Make Dua for me and I am thankful for any advice.

May Allah bless us all.

[dhakiyya]

Salaams dear sister,

there is a private forum here for reverts to Islam (like me) where we discuss these kinds of situations. Although your parents are Muslim in name, they are not in behaviour and the problems you are having are the same kind as us reverts, so if you would like access to the reverts forum, inshaAllah I'll get access for you.

Whether you decide to join the reverts forum or not, we can still give you advice here, so can those who are born Muslim and have practicing parents.

[*hayat*]

salam sister

i dont really have advice to give to you but all i can do is make prayer for you inshallah, may allah help you lots and do keep up the good work and dont give up!! you are lucky that you are awake while everyoen is asleep!! keep up good work and best wishes and start to wear hijab asap

salam

[neelu]

My family do believe in Islam and do not drink but are still not practising so I can see similarities. When I started to become more religious, my family had the impression that religion was for the ignorant and uneducated people and in their social circle, people like to show off about how educated they are by adopting more European and less Islamic ways. The first thing I suggest is that you be the living example of how to break this stereotype; you're trying to be religious but that doesn't make you uneducated, you want to increase your knowledge in religion, but you're still smart and qualified enough to get into a good profession if you want inshallah. Make lots of dua for your family to be guided- maybe Allah (swt) has blessed you with Islam as a means for reaching your family as well, or maybe (as in my case) there are other relatives who secretly love Islam as much as you do but cannot say so openly because they don't know anyone else is going through the same problem until they hear about you.

I suggest that you find ways to become as independent as possible. Find yourself a job as a precaution. It doesn't even have to be a spectacular job, just one on which you can get by. I don't know how serious your parents are about kicking you out but if they are serious, then at least you should have the means to support yourself if you are placed in that situation. Try to look for other practising Muslims in your region to see if you can find friends who can support your transition or at least find Muslims who will respect your choices.

In such a case where you say that your family would not accept you marrying a practising brother for the sole reason that he is religious, you're within your Islamic rights to appoint a trustworthy, practising brother to become your Wali instead so that you can marry without their permission.

[ibrahimtr]

I'm believing that Allah will help you because allah is helpful and don't forget make dua.if you are be forced it is more sevap for you

[Ummah-Forever]

My family do believe in Islam and do not drink but are still not practising so I can see similarities. When I started to become more religious, my family had the impression that religion was for the ignorant and uneducated people and in their social circle, people like to show off about how educated they are by adopting more European and less Islamic ways. The first thing I suggest is that you be the living example of how to break this stereotype; you're trying to be religious but that doesn't make you uneducated, you want to increase your knowledge in religion, but you're still smart and qualified enough to get into a good profession if you want inshallah. Make lots of dua for your family to be guided- maybe Allah (swt) has blessed you with Islam as a means for reaching your family as well, or maybe (as in my case) there are other relatives who secretly love Islam as much as you do but cannot say so openly because they don't know anyone else is going through the same problem until they hear about you.

I suggest that you find ways to become as independent as possible. Find yourself a job as a precaution. It doesn't even have to be a spectacular job, just one on which you can get by. I don't know how serious your parents are about kicking you out but if they are serious, then at least you should have the means to support yourself if you are placed in that situation. Try to look for other practising Muslims in your region to see if you can find friends who can support your transition or at least find Muslims who will respect your choices.

In such a case where you say that your family would not accept you marrying a practising brother for the sole reason that he is religious, you're within your Islamic rights to appoint a trustworthy, practising brother to become your Wali instead so that you can marry without their permission.

I don't think they would throw me out, they just want to show me how bad they would find it if I cower myself. They are just verbaly agressive towards me. And that is the worst, I am now used to being attacked for no reason, and I am just not answering. It is hard when you have to hear blasphemous comments in your own house, because it is the moment the love for parents and the love for Allah and Muhammad (pbuh) just clash. Very hard psychologically. Because I want to respect them, thay are my parents.
What you said about being the good example that is what I doo. I study to become a doctor, I was always the best in school, they were proud of me and I will Insh'Allah make their hearths open for religion one day. I will not fight them verbaly and I will try to make it hard for them to make me doo things I feel unhappy about. I understand that their generation who were under the communism had less choices to learn about religion, but it is returnig again among the joung Muslim in the southern parts of the country, and they have to understand it, just that we don't live there where there are other practicing Muslims. We live in an atmosphere of hostility towards Muslims and I know that is one more reason, they don't want me to practice.
But I was thinking of talking to my parents about going to Sarajevo (Bosnia) next year, continuing my studies there as I have my uncles family there. It is a country where I can hear the adnan from the Mosque and live in peace.

[Ummah-Forever]

Salaams dear sister,

there is a private forum here for reverts to Islam (like me) where we discuss these kinds of situations. Although your parents are Muslim in name, they are not in behaviour and the problems you are having are the same kind as us reverts, so if you would like access to the reverts forum, inshaAllah I'll get access for you.

Whether you decide to join the reverts forum or not, we can still give you advice here, so can those who are born Muslim and have practicing parents.

Salaams

That is great of you. I would like an access there. I gues the problems are quite the same so it would be of use for me.

[Ummah-Forever]

salam sister

i dont really have advice to give to you but all i can do is make prayer for you inshallah, may allah help you lots and do keep up the good work and dont give up!! you are lucky that you are awake while everyoen is asleep!! keep up good work and best wishes and start to wear hijab asap

salam

Thank you for Duas. I will never give up insh'Allah.

[Abdulah]

Salaam,
the best is that can happen is you move away and when you live alone you can be muslim without their intereference. When they say, ''we are ashamed'' then that's their problem, you are muslim for you, and Allah, i can tell, loves you a lot because you want to follow in his way. You and i are from the same region of Europe, the Balkans, i can understand your hardship, my assumption is, your roots are from Sandzak, then again i could be wrong. Your mother is ignorant to say, ''we are Orthodox because our ancestors converted during the Ottoman empire''. That is saying you are Pagans because the Orthodox people converted too.

wa salaam, inshallah it goes well
ako bog dah;)

[Tiuchiha]

All I can say is this. Don't marry a non-practicing muslim or this will go on for the rest of your life.

[perfectpearl]

May Allah give you the power to practice your deen freely.

Sister, you know how many duas are answered at night?! Loads...

Wake up in the middle of the night and cry to Allah to make you worship him freely and openly. Be sincere and Inshaa Allah, Allah will answer your prayers.

[Irfan GBH]

I would suggest you get yourself a job if you can, and also get married into a religious family. Islamically if your family are not Muslims they do not need to give consent for you to marry, as this is the role of the wali and kaffir relatives cannot be your wali.

May Allah strengthen you and shower you with his mercy and blessings and may He give you a high place in paradise ukhti :)

[Emani]

"But I was thinking of talking to my parents about going to Sarajevo (Bosnia) next year, continuing my studies there as I have my uncles family there. It is a country where I can hear the adnan from the Mosque and live in peace."

GO to live in Sarajevo (Bosnia) NOW!

No, I see you said that you can't go till next year, maybe because you have to finish school. If it is possible, don't go on that vacation where you will have to go to the beach, maybe you could make up an excuse about having to study or something. I just think if you could avoid that situation it would be easier on you, plus you may be able to have some peace and quiet in your home if everyone were gone....just a thought.

I am excited for you to move to bosnia becuase you will be so much closer to Muslims like you!

[Be steadfast]

Sunhaanullah Muslimah, I was amazed to see this by your own family.

To be perfectly honest, I commend your strength in being able to keep your Imaan in spite of all this and still having love for your family, to be perfectly honest I don't know whether I would.

Be steadfast Inshallah. When you have the chance to move to Sarajevo then do so Inshallah, but that's only if you believe it will be better for you to do so. If you wish to feel safer (in comparison that is) and your English isn't too bad then why not move to the U.K. or U.S.A or Canada and seek work there? the whole world needs doctors!

Whatever happens, keep yourself strong and do your best in life for Allah SWT.

With regards to this holiday, hey if you don't want to go then don't. Don't hide behind an excuse or whatever... Tell them the real reason and how you feel. If they laugh at you for this, well then so what. End of the day you know you're doing it for Allah SWT. Just don't lose sight of your deen and Imaan.

What? Do they sincerely believe in evolution and communism? Did we evolve our extremely complex circulatory system and did the universe just happen to evolve in the way it did? Did the planet of the solar system happen to just revolve around magnetic forces that also just 'happened' to be there? Where are the poles of the universe??? Religion isn't the answer for unanswerable questions, Islam is the answer for life in general and I'm certain you already know that, try see if you can make them see this as many times as you can.

Whenever you feel disheartened, watch this clip

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pn0iPlWQNlI&mode=related&search=

To know you're not alone (don't worry it starts with the arabic presenter but then the rest is in English!)

Try get your family to see it too!

Salaam and all the best