View Full Version : marriage...2nd wife...etc
if you was supposedly going to get married to a man who has been previously married, divorced and has a child....
and you wasnt to sure whether he will love you as his wife properly what would you do?
say for example....in the after life they say a woman who has been divorced and remarried will be with the man whom she loved the most..does the same apply to the man?...even if he had a different wife in this life...?
also....in the same marriage the first wife had a miscarriage of twins...they say in the afterlife those children will bring husband and wife together..but what about the second wife?..what if the second wife loved him more than the first wife...but the man still loved the first wife....for the reason she maybe prettier than second wife....although second wife's personality and heart is in the right place...whereas the first wife is intrested in money materials...etc....but man still thought first wife was better then second
how would you know for sure that man will love you properly....?
Could someone please help me...and try to answer these questions or perhaps some suggestions?
You will feel it if he loves you or only use you. If he doesn't love you i don't see why are you so concerned about his choices in this life or after ? You should marry only with a man which loves you deeply.
in the hereafter, the man has more than one wife... but there's no jealousy there... :D
if you was supposedly going to get married to a man who has been previously married, divorced and has a child....
and you wasnt to sure whether he will love you as his wife properly what would you do?
say for example....in the after life they say a woman who has been divorced and remarried will be with the man whom she loved the most..does the same apply to the man?...even if he had a different wife in this life...?
also....in the same marriage the first wife had a miscarriage of twins...they say in the afterlife those children will bring husband and wife together..but what about the second wife?..what if the second wife loved him more than the first wife...but the man still loved the first wife....for the reason she maybe prettier than second wife....although second wife's personality and heart is in the right place...whereas the first wife is intrested in money materials...etc....but man still thought first wife was better then second
how would you know for sure that man will love you properly....?
Could someone please help me...and try to answer these questions or perhaps some suggestions?
most men will have had a girlfriend by the time they get married, so would u still be thinking the above if he hadnt had a wife but had had a girlfriend or a few g/f's b4 u married him?
alialiyan
22-06-07, 08:40 AM
My husband said something quiet intresting the other day - he said that in Islam when a man marries for the second or third time, he has to do everything equal for all the wifes but one thing he can not do and is not asked of him is to love them equally....because thats a emotion and if you love the first dearly and marry the second ...you will trat them equal in everyway but you can't love them equal
My husband said something quiet intresting the other day - he said that in Islam when a man marries for the second or third time, he has to do everything equal for all the wifes but one thing he can not do and is not asked of him is to love them equally....because thats a emotion and if you love the first dearly and marry the second ...you will trat them equal in everyway but you can't love them equal
he is right
alialiyan
22-06-07, 08:56 AM
hence the reason if he was ever to take a second wife I would not be his first wife and get a khula
hence the reason if he was ever to take a second wife I would not be his first wife and get a khulaYou are right here. In that moment he will not love you anymore.
alialiyan
22-06-07, 12:54 PM
thats what I said to my husband ...the day you decide you want to get married second time is the day you will not love me and I will not want to be with you after that.
Anyways, only been 2 weeks tommorrow....inshallah 70 more years toghether would be great Alhumdulillah
Congratulation sis. :). You are still in your "honey moon":inlove:
alialiyan
22-06-07, 01:15 PM
great one too...am sitting at work and so is he!
were going to have time toghether in July Inshallah
AbuSadiq
22-06-07, 01:37 PM
thats what I said to my husband ...the day you decide you want to get married second time is the day you will not love me and I will not want to be with you after that.
Anyways, only been 2 weeks tommorrow....inshallah 70 more years toghether would be great Alhumdulillah
Mhmmmm! This is secret talk:D!
Actually, this is one area women feel a bit "disappointed" or rather "relegated" by their husbands. To them, bringing a second wife is an indication that the "Uwar Gida" (as we call her in Hausa - Nigeria) - first wife - is either not "doing well" or the love for her has been depreciated in the husband's heart.
This is very common in Africa, where Polygamy is in vogue. But the reality (and the most unfortunate thing) is that such an insunuation seems to be true, at last. Because there is lack of religious orientation with regards to the issue of marriage according to Islamic teachings. Many people here go for second wife just because of fun ("I have two, three, or four wives" and that is all) while some go because they are fed up with the first one, or she is a bit "old", body-wise, or, in some other lighter circumstances, some go for it after having an economic boom. Actually, the result of all these is family failures. Because the rationale behind such a move was purely egocentric, not islamically backed.
However, ma orientation with regard to second wife is that, there is a wisdom behind the permission given by Allah in the holy Qur'an. And whether one knows the wisdom or not, he must fear Allah in keeping to the rules of the game, the moment he is in the court! The first wife must be respected in the face of the second one; she is must be seen as the "head" of the house in the absence of the husband; and finally, must not be given a second-class treatment in EVERYTHING, as this has the tendency of breaking the family into pieces.
Abdallah
peace2u
22-06-07, 02:04 PM
If you think the man does not love you or still has feelings for his first wife, then why marry him???? Let him settle his issues first then decide if he is right for you. If you marry him, then don't worry about the afterlife, if the two, or three of you make it, you wont even care if he has a million wives :D YOU ARE IN JANNAH!!!! :D
Peace
most men will have had a girlfriend by the time they get married, so would u still be thinking the above if he hadnt had a wife but had had a girlfriend or a few g/f's b4 u married him?
the word to note here is Most, and this applies equally if not even more so to women, many are indulging in Zina...
Astagfirullah!
:jkk:
the word to note here is Most, and this applies equally if not even more so to women, many are indulging in Zina...
Astagfirullah!
:jkk:
agreed , allah knows if its more women than men doign it but i sed men becos the thread starter is talking about a man.
stop making trouble ... :p
You are right here. In that moment he will not love you anymore.
How did you figure that out? !!!
When Ibrahim/Abraham (pbuh) took a second Wife, did he NOT love his first wife Sara(pbuh) anymore? :scratch:
I find this kind of statement nonsensical.
sis's are assuming that their Husband will Not love em anymore if he gets a second wife etc...
agreed , allah knows if its more women than men doign it but i sed men becos the thread starter is talking about a man.
stop making trouble ... :p
I is not makin trouble, :o
I just wanted to make the point clear that both are blameworthy...
:jkk:
alialiyan
22-06-07, 03:49 PM
How did you figure that out? !!!
When Ibrahim/Abraham (pbuh) took a second Wife, did he NOT love his first wife Sara(pbuh) anymore? :scratch:
I find this kind of statement nonsensical.
sis's are assuming that their Husband will Not love em anymore if he gets a second wife etc...
well todays muslims are not as strong as muslims in those days.
we are not on that level
well todays muslims are not as strong as muslims in those days.
we are not on that level
most aren't yeah, but that doesn't mean all of them can't do justice to their wives in their dealings...
the assumption is None of them can...
:jkk:
How did you figure that out? !!!
I find this kind of statement nonsensical.
For me would be a sign of decline and the time to move on.
For me would be a sign of decline and the time to move on.
thats prejudice...
because God permitted man to marry more than one wife... so no man/woman has a right to say it's wrong... or allege that it means he's disloyal or doesn't love her anymore just cause he decided to marry again...
most aren't yeah, but that doesn't mean all of them can't do justice to their wives in their dealings...
the assumption is None of them can...
:jkk:
:jkk: akhi, subhanAllah just because a man remarries doesnt mean he doesnt love his other wife anymore, yes its true Allah says " You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married)". [Surah 4:129]
Muhammad salAllahu alleyhi wa salam loved aisha more than his other wives, but then again he loved khadija more than Aisha,but then again he treated them all beautifully masha Allah so my point is.. so what ? a mans marriage is between him and his wife, a woman will not know which one he loves more even if he does marry again, hes not going to show u that he loves someone else more, so u will never know about it anyway. Your husband is still going to treat u the same as he always did, in fact it will be better insha Allah because u will see less of each other now, so u will have missed each other more insha Allah.Plus Allah ta ala may place so much baraka with ur husband in his marriages for his good deeds, in taking care of more than one wife and children insha Allah.
yes, a mans heart may incline more to one wife than the other, as Allah ta ala has said, but he still must do justice between them in terms of spending on his wives, in necessity and in kindness, and in his division of his time. No husband is going to come home and start speaking about how much he loves his other wife and family, nor is he going to sit there saying "oh i prefer her much more to you" i dont think a woman start to question her husband about his other wives, because its better to stay out of what doesnt concern us alhamdulillah.
I leave this issue of polygamy to the men, because its them u have to feel sorry for we just stay at home and do our thing as usual ( and extra bonus we get more free time to ourselves :D )
but for the husband...well what a chore, he has to work extra hard having more than one household and mre than one set of kids insha Allah to maintain,he has to be coming and going from place to place ( where would he leave all his clothes or would he have one set at one house and another set at the other .. :S) anyway look, if any man can achieve all that then masha Allah fair play to him, i would think my husband more of a man if he was able to achieve all that and marry more than one woman insha Allah.
:jkk: akhi, subhanAllah just because a man remarries doesnt mean he doesnt love his other wife anymore, yes its true Allah says " You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married)". [Surah 4:129]
Muhammad salAllahu alleyhi wa salam loved aisha more than his other wives, but then again he loved khadija more than Aisha,but then again he treated them all beautifully masha Allah so my point is.. so what ? a mans marriage is between him and his wife, a woman will not know which one he loves more even if he does marry again, hes not going to show u that he loves someone else more, so u will never know about it anyway. Your husband is still going to treat u the same as he always did, in fact it will be better insha Allah because u will see less of each other now, so u will have missed each other more insha Allah.Plus Allah ta ala may place so much baraka with ur husband in his marriages for his good deeds, in taking care of more than one wife and children insha Allah.
yes, a mans heart may incline more to one wife than the other, as Allah ta ala has said, but he still must do justice between them in terms of spending on his wives, in necessity and in kindness, and in his division of his time. No husband is going to come home and start speaking about how much he loves his other wife and family, nor is he going to sit there saying "oh i prefer her much more to you" i dont think a woman start to question her husband about his other wives, because its better to stay out of what doesnt concern us alhamdulillah.
I leave this issue of polygamy to the men, because its them u have to feel sorry for we just stay at home and do our thing as usual ( and extra bonus we get more free time to ourselves :D )
but for the husband...well what a chore, he has to work extra hard having more than one household and mre than one set of kids insha Allah to maintain,he has to be coming and going from place to place ( where would he leave all his clothes or would he have one set at one house and another set at the other .. :S) anyway look, if any man can achieve all that then masha Allah fair play to him, i would think my husband more of a man if he was able to achieve all that and marry more than one woman insha Allah.
Ditto sis... :D
well written and said...
:jkk:
What makes a man want to have more than one wife? One should be enough.
What makes a man want to have more than one wife? One should be enough.
Allah knows, and this is why He made polygamy for men, and not women because women find it hard to understand how u could love more than one at a time :)
Honey87
22-06-07, 05:35 PM
One thing i have come to see through various experiences of family and friends, is when a man remarries, it does not stop his love for his first wife.
To love is to accept a person for who they are thus the love a person has for you is different to the love one has for another.
We are human, and ofcourse a wife may think that her husband does not love her 'as much' as she thought if he remarries. It is only natural feel jealous. however, just because he has remarried, it would never change the love he has for you.
I know a brother, who had remarried, and he told his daughter after coming back from his honeymoon that he realised HOW MUCH he really loved his 1st wife as he missed her so much when he was away.
Honey87
22-06-07, 05:36 PM
Allah knows, and this is why He made polygamy for men, and not women because women find it hard to understand how u could love more than one at a time :)
sis that's a good point:up:
generally, men are able to love more than one woman, however, a woman in most cases will only ever love one man
RashidD
22-06-07, 05:41 PM
Congratulation sis. :). You are still in your "honey moon":inlove:
We don't believe in a "honeymoon" lol... Rather... "Honey life"... Or, erm "Life moon"? Lol
What makes a man want to have more than one wife? One should be enough.
If a Man can do Justice between his wifes in his dealins why shouldn't he?
right so You provide a solution to the Millions of Surplus Women in the world then...
go ahead...
the Only Descent Solution is in the Quran, all other idea are Adulterous...
Astagfirullah!
One thing i have come to see through various experiences of family and friends, is when a man remarries, it does not stop his love for his first wife.
To love is to accept a person for who they are thus the love a person has for you is different to the love one has for another.
We are human, and ofcourse a wife may think that her husband does not love her 'as much' as she thought if he remarries. It is only natural feel jealous. however, just because he has remarried, it would never change the love he has for you.
I know a brother, who had remarried, and he told his daughter after coming back from his honeymoon that he realised HOW MUCH he really loved his 1st wife as he missed her so much when he was away.
Ouch:( ! I feel sorry for his second wife. I hope I never become a second wife, or third or fourth. I seek refuge with Allah from this- unless I become desperate I suppose, which I also seek Alah's refuge from.
I believe that a man will always love his first wife more than his second, third or fourth. If she disliked the first in any way, he would divorce her before remarrying (in my opinion).
If a Man can do Justice between his wifes in his dealins why shouldn't he?
right so You provide a solution to the Millions of Surplus Women in the world then...
go ahead...
the Only Descent Solution is in the Quran, all other idea are Adulterous...
Astagfirullah!
What if the question was: why should he? instead of why shouldn't he? I would never say that a man shouldn't have more than one wife.
What if the question was: why should he? instead of why shouldn't he? I would never say that a man shouldn't have more than one wife.
He should IF he can do Justice between them...
Why the Question in the first place?
When You acknowledge it is Permissible by Allah, and a Solution to the Problem faced by mankind...
:jkk:
He should IF he can do Justice between them...
Why the Question in the first place?
When You acknowledge it is Permissible by Allah, and a Solution to the Problem faced by mankind...
:jkk:
He should? Why? Is it a must?
I want one reason from a polygamist/aspiring-polygamist (like Taliban) for getting a second wife. Everything is done for a reason. What is your reason? (Sorry for picking on you Taliban)
There doesnt have to be a reason behind a man wanting to remarry,its not like in non muslim societies where a man gets tired of his first wife and so wants to try someone else, or he falls in love with someone else then divorces his wife and marries the next one, or takes a mistress behind his wifes back audu billah.
we are muslims Alhamdulillah and our prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that the two things that he loved of this world were women and perfume so masha Allah, men like women Alhamdulillah and they like to care and provide for them as Allah has said that is their duty.maybe he just wants to please Allah by taking care of another of his sisters in Islam, or maybe he just likes another woman that he has heard about, but it really doesnt matter because he doesnt need a reason because Allah ta ala made it permissible for him, without any other condition except that he must spend on them equally and give his time to them equally insha Allah. we are muslims we hear the commands and reccomendations of Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam and we hear and obey because we know that Allah ta ala our creator knows what is best for us, and we trust that there is a great wisdom in allowing a man to marry up to four women.
Also bear in mind the hadith of the last days, where the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " there will come a time when one man will be responsible for 50 women" Already we see this problem in societies where we have so many unmarried muslim women struggling alone, so how about when it becomes so bad that there will not be enough men to go round, and so women will not even be able to have a husband at all, they will have to rely on their muslim brothers to support them insha Allah...
lets get used to this idea now,and revive this part of our deen that so many want to deny in practicality, we have had 1400 years as an ummah to get our heads around it. We know that Allah knows best so lets just accept it insha Allah before we make severe difficulties for the women of this ummah audu billah.
There doesnt have to be a reason behind a man wanting to remarry,its not like in non muslim societies where a man gets tired of his first wife and so wants to try someone else, or he falls in love with someone else then divorces his wife and marries the next one, or takes a mistress behind his wifes back audu billah.
we are muslims Alhamdulillah and our prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that the two things that he loved of this world were women and perfume so masha Allah, men like women Alhamdulillah and they like to care and provide for them as Allah has said that is their duty.maybe he just wants to please Allah by taking care of another of his sisters in Islam, or maybe he just likes another woman that he has heard about, but it really doesnt matter because he doesnt need a reason because Allah ta ala made it permissible for him, without any other condition except that he must spend on them equally and give his time to them equally insha Allah. we are muslims we hear the commands and reccomendations of Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam and we hear and obey because we know that Allah ta ala our creator knows what is best for us, and we trust that there is a great wisdom in allowing a man to marry up to four women.
Also bear in mind the hadith of the last days, where the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " there will come a time when one man will be responsible for 50 women" Already we see this problem in societies where we have so many unmarried muslim women struggling alone, so how about when it becomes so bad that there will not be enough men to go round, and so women will not even be able to have a husband at all, they will have to rely on their muslim brothers to support them insha Allah...
lets get used to this idea now,and revive this part of our deen that so many want to deny in practicality, we have had 1400 years as an ummah to get our heads around it. We know that Allah knows best so lets just accept it insha Allah before we make severe difficulties for the women of this ummah audu billah.
Jazakallah khair sis. If only brothers gave the reasons you listed above, instead of saying that it was just their right, which I already know. It's just nice to know people have thought polygamy and have actual reasons for practising it.
Honey87
22-06-07, 08:06 PM
Ouch:( ! I feel sorry for his second wife. I hope I never become a second wife, or third or fourth. I seek refuge with Allah from this- unless I become desperate I suppose, which I also seek Alah's refuge from.
I believe that a man will always love his first wife more than his second, third or fourth. If she disliked the first in any way, he would divorce her before remarrying (in my opinion).
ahh sis, really, there's no reason to feel sorry for the second wife:rolleyes: . I was just pointing out that he really loves his first wife, yet still he went and got a second wife.
Perhaps i have misunderstood, but part of loving someone is loving them for their good and bad points. In my opinion, You love them for their good points:inlove: and you come to get used to their bad points:rolleyes:. A husband may come to dislike certain aspects of his wife, but still care/love her thus he may choose not to divorce her.
there is no way of determining which wife a man will love most. Just because his wife is his first, does not automatically make her 'most loved'.:o
He should? Why? Is it a must?
I want one reason from a polygamist/aspiring-polygamist (like Taliban) for getting a second wife. Everything is done for a reason. What is your reason? (Sorry for picking on you Taliban)
It (Marrying more than once) is optional, but you seem to be opposed to it... :scratch:
If he is capable providing protection to a Muslimah, and caring fro her, who are we to stop him?
these are sufficient reasons for marrying again...
:jkk:
Honey87
22-06-07, 08:12 PM
He should? Why? Is it a must?
I want one reason from a polygamist/aspiring-polygamist (like Taliban) for getting a second wife. Everything is done for a reason. What is your reason? (Sorry for picking on you Taliban)
Sis, i think it may be better just to leave it as Allah has given men that right.:o
personally, i too would want to know the reason, however, what more can one argue after you know its a right given by Allah.
The one time specifically i would want to know 'a reason' was if the brother who remarries is deceptive about it.
do istikahar and leave the rest to Allah (swt) - if its meant to happen it will, if not then khayr aswell
love is selfish... that's why when it comes to matters regarding spouse and family... best make decision for the sake of Allah....for He'll be the best judge...
What makes a man want to have more than one wife? One should be enough.
yes I agree with you sis! (I think one is enough, because If bro want do 2 or 3 marriages some time they cant able to complete their requirement. it's better to go for 1 & give her every happines & love.:up: it will be comfortable for hole family.:D
love is selfish... that's why when it comes to matters regarding spouse and family... best make decision for the sake of Allah....for He'll be the best judge...
:up:
peace2u
23-06-07, 05:28 AM
The bottom line is, Allah (swt) created man. He knows the nature of man as He is the one who created him. Allah (swt) allows men to have up to four wives with the condition that he treats them fairly. Love has nothing to do with anything. It is Allah (swt) who puts love between two people. So whether another woman is involved or not, Allah (swt) is the one who decides whether a person has love for another. Sisters, we need to realize that for every permission or prohibition in the quran, there is a wisdom. we do not know that wisdom but it does not mean that it is not there. Allah (swt) permits men to take more wives, He did not stipulate that they had to have a reason, so why are we??? Are better than Allah (swt)??? Do we have more wisdom that our Creator???? Astaghfirallah!! If this is such a big issue, it is best that you don't get married, because you can never be assured that your husband will not take another wife. It is all in the hands of Allah (swt).
Peace
The bottom line is, Allah (swt) created man. He knows the nature of man as He is the one who created him. Allah (swt) allows men to have up to four wives with the condition that he treats them fairly. Love has nothing to do with anything. It is Allah (swt) who puts love between two people. So whether another woman is involved or not, Allah (swt) is the one who decides whether a person has love for another. Sisters, we need to realize that for every permission or prohibition in the quran, there is a wisdom. we do not know that wisdom but it does not mean that it is not there. Allah (swt) permits men to take more wives, He did not stipulate that they had to have a reason, so why are we??? Are better than Allah (swt)??? Do we have more wisdom that our Creator???? Astaghfirallah!! If this is such a big issue, it is best that you don't get married, because you can never be assured that your husband will not take another wife. It is all in the hands of Allah (swt).
Peace
hai I am Bro! :D
I think you are right sis! Allah known better then us! :up:
The bottom line is, Allah (swt) created man. He knows the nature of man as He is the one who created him. Allah (swt) allows men to have up to four wives with the condition that he treats them fairly. Love has nothing to do with anything. It is Allah (swt) who puts love between two people. So whether another woman is involved or not, Allah (swt) is the one who decides whether a person has love for another. Sisters, we need to realize that for every permission or prohibition in the quran, there is a wisdom. we do not know that wisdom but it does not mean that it is not there. Allah (swt) permits men to take more wives, He did not stipulate that they had to have a reason, so why are we??? Are better than Allah (swt)??? Do we have more wisdom that our Creator???? Astaghfirallah!! If this is such a big issue, it is best that you don't get married, because you can never be assured that your husband will not take another wife. It is all in the hands of Allah (swt).
Peace
:jkk: amin :up:
the solution is simple... he may love one wife more that another... but make each wife think it's them :p
ibnKathir27
23-06-07, 12:25 PM
Most women will never understand this, which is how Allah swt created them otherwise polygamy would be permissable for both sexes. A man can easily love more than one woman withour diminishing in love for any other. He may prefer one over another but he would definately do his utmost to be just to both.
Those saying they would divorce if their husband married again i wonder. Even in non-muslim relationships often when the man has an affair the woman does not instantly walk out.
Honey87
23-06-07, 01:58 PM
Most women will never understand this, which is how Allah swt created them otherwise polygamy would be permissable for both sexes. A man can easily love more than one woman withour diminishing in love for any other. He may prefer one over another but he would definately do his utmost to be just to both.
Those saying they would divorce if their husband married again i wonder. Even in non-muslim relationships often when the man has an affair the woman does not instantly walk out.
Good point.
Many say they would divorce hubby if he married again, but it wouldn't be easy because of course you love your husband. I suppose ne of the only times it would be that easy was possibly if the husband had been cruel to the 1st wife or perhaps she really didn't love him much anyways:(
do istikahar and leave the rest to Allah (swt) - if its meant to happen it will, if not then khayr aswell
thank you...
k..heres a tricky situtation..
hmm...k
A sister in Uni, practising mashallah comes across a practising brother in Uni on the same course...Thing is this brother is married and is looking to get married again!...The sister thinks the brother is ideal and they get on really well at first i.e: in terms of work related business....and then the brother sends the sister quite personal emails...things like 'mashallah you'll make a gud mother etc!'.........:rubeyes: :o
Couple of weeks down the line and 'freindship' has flourished..theyr like talking on msn til 4-5 am...and he has told her he is seeking a second wife....sister does not see this as a problem but family do...(she hopes they'll giv in gud time).....BUT...the brothers poor wife at home does not knw any of this!....
I was fuming when i came to knw all this but sister claims that what someone does not knw cannot hurt them...and that if he were to tell his wife of this situation it would just cause more tension and suspicion every time he went out!.................................
What do you guys make of this situation and how would i advise the sister?...jzk
heaven2002
23-06-07, 04:23 PM
^^^ that makes me sick
as far as im concerned its bordering on adultery
its just wrong as he is married and having more than a freindship with another woman:aku_astaghfirullah:
ibnKathir27
23-06-07, 05:07 PM
He should propose to her formally or leave her alone. He should not tease her by hanging around untill her family 'comes around' as who knows if they will or not. In the meantime they are just leading each other into temptation.
The fact that he is already married is irrelevant if the prospective second wife and her family are fine with it.
heaven2002
23-06-07, 05:11 PM
^^^ it is one thing for a single man to spend time and chat to a girl till the early hours of the morning
and quite a different thing if its a married man
ibnKathir27
23-06-07, 05:19 PM
It's the same thing for a single man or a married man.
The only issue here is that the parents of the girl have not accepted his proposal so therefore he should leave her alone.
heaven2002
23-06-07, 05:28 PM
is it the same thing? :scratch:
Honey87
23-06-07, 05:36 PM
k..heres a tricky situtation..
hmm...k
A sister in Uni, practising mashallah comes across a practising brother in Uni on the same course...Thing is this brother is married and is looking to get married again!...The sister thinks the brother is ideal and they get on really well at first i.e: in terms of work related business....and then the brother sends the sister quite personal emails...things like 'mashallah you'll make a gud mother etc!'.........:rubeyes: :o
Couple of weeks down the line and 'freindship' has flourished..theyr like talking on msn til 4-5 am...and he has told her he is seeking a second wife....sister does not see this as a problem but family do...(she hopes they'll giv in gud time).....BUT...the brothers poor wife at home does not knw any of this!....
I was fuming when i came to knw all this but sister claims that what someone does not knw cannot hurt them...and that if he were to tell his wife of this situation it would just cause more tension and suspicion every time he went out!.................................
What do you guys make of this situation and how would i advise the sister?...jzk
Ask this sister to wonder how his wife would feel if she were to find out he has been staying up til 5am chatting to another woman. Fair enough she does not mind, but in this moment in time, she is the 'other' woman say his wife were to know of this.
this brother should not be deceptive about wanting a second wife and tell his wife. He does not need her permission but she should know atleast. What a person does not know will not hurt them, but how do u knw they will not know of this tomorrow??
peace2u
24-06-07, 11:28 AM
The brother should inform his wife. There is no reason for him to keep secrets from her. As for the other sister, if he can go behind his wife with her, what makes her think he wont do it to her??? He is not in the wrong for seeking a second wife and she is not in the wrong for accepting but what is wrong and hurtful is the deceit.
Peace
Ask this sister to wonder how his wife would feel if she were to find out he has been staying up til 5am chatting to another woman. Fair enough she does not mind, but in this moment in time, she is the 'other' woman say his wife were to know of this.
this brother should not be deceptive about wanting a second wife and tell his wife. He does not need her permission but she should know atleast. What a person does not know will not hurt them, but how do u knw they will not know of this tomorrow??
He doesnt?!...rele?!!...jeez thats new to me!...
Yeah iv told her many a times that if the tables were turned and you were in his wifes position it would be quite a differnt reaction im sure!...and i also adivsed her that if he can have a second then she would have to be prepared for a third and a fourth to come along.....
He doesnt?!...rele?!!...jeez thats new to me!...
Yeah iv told her many a times that if the tables were turned and you were in his wifes position it would be quite a differnt reaction im sure!...and i also adivsed her that if he can have a second then she would have to be prepared for a third and a fourth to come along.....
The Only situation where the Husband would need to get the permission of his current wife to marry another is if she stated it in their marriage Contract...
Otherwise the Husband doesn't need to get permission from her...
He has to deal with them in a Just and Equitable manner, that is the Compulsory requirement...
your 'Tables are turned' idea is absurd as this would mean the women would be committing Zina, and it is not permitted in Islam...
:jkk:
heaven2002
24-06-07, 04:21 PM
^^ by tables turned i think she meant if she was first wife and he was going behind her back and hatting to someone til 5am under the guise of getting a second etc
^^ by tables turned i think she meant if she was first wife and he was going behind her back and hatting to someone til 5am under the guise of getting a second etc
marryin another woman does not mean he's goin behind her back...
she has No right to prevent him, unless stated so in the marriage contract...
what Allah and his Rasul :saw: have permitted, is Lawful and good, no one can claim it's backstabbin or thing of the sort...
:jkk:
heaven2002
24-06-07, 04:59 PM
^^^ if a married man is talking to another woman at 5 am in the morning i call that going behind ur wifes bak, not to mention the 2nd girls wali,
its just wrong
its not about him getting married again
my objection is that he is a married man talkiing to another woman till 5am in the morning
^^^ if a married man is talking to another woman at 5 am in the morning i call that going behind ur wifes bak, not to mention the 2nd girls wali,
its just wrong
its not about him getting married again
my objection is that he is a married man talkiing to another woman till 5am in the morning
Point taken,
but if he does that with the wali of the sister he's gonna marry, (second wife), then he ain't and the wife has no reason to demand that her permission is sought... unless she specified it in her marriage contract...
:jkk:
Polygamy is such a funny thing
heaven2002
24-06-07, 06:20 PM
Point taken,
but if he does that with the wali of the sister he's gonna marry, (second wife), then he ain't and the wife has no reason to demand that her permission is sought... unless she specified it in her marriage contract...
:jkk:
in this case he's not doing that
thats what my objection is and the fact that for me it smells of fitnah, him chatting to her like that
like if say you had a sister or daughter and find out she was chatting late into the night with a married man :rubeyes:
Polygamy is such a funny thing
How is it funny?
what Allah Subhana Uta'ala has permitted as Halal is funny? :eek3:
in this case he's not doing that
thats what my objection is and the fact that for me it smells of fitnah, him chatting to her like that
like if say you had a sister or daughter and find out she was chatting late into the night with a married man :rubeyes:
so you know a Bro who's chattin to a Sis 5 in the morning, and want to marry her, behind the back of his wife? :scratch:
thats what I said sis, if thats the case then you have a valid reason to be worried....
have you spoken to the person who's doin that?
chattin up a non-mehram Muslimah directly cause he wants to marry her?
:jkk:
How is it funny?
what Allah Subhana Uta'ala has permitted as Halal is funny? :eek3:
Astagfirullah brother Raziel, how could you think of me in such a way :(
The perception of Polygamy and how it is accepted or received - the debates, the arguments and the submissions, things that threads about Polygamy bring = humour me. Honestly, it's enjoyable in a sad way.
peace2u
25-06-07, 02:25 AM
it is sad how people make something that could be really beneficial into something so perverse, and yes, there is a benefit for polygamy. *sigh* Why would a man not tell his wife that he wants or will take another wife?? Why be secret about it? It is halal, so why the hush hush? I think a measure of respect is warranted here. The husband should respect his wife, He should also respect the second-to-be by treating her honorably, his wife should respect his decision to take another wife. And let's face it, at one point, he is going to have to court the girl but it should not be at the wee hours of the night :eek1:
Peace
To be honest... you guys got to love your wife more for letting you have other wife/s... right?
Astagfirullah brother Raziel, how could you think of me in such a way :(
The perception of Polygamy and how it is accepted or received - the debates, the arguments and the submissions, things that threads about Polygamy bring = humour me. Honestly, it's enjoyable in a sad way.
thats the way your post sounded bro... :o
if you said the perceptions then it would have been better...
:jkk:
so you know a Bro who's chattin to a Sis 5 in the morning, and want to marry her, behind the back of his wife? :scratch:
chattin up a non-mehram Muslimah directly cause he wants to marry her?
:jkk:
sounds dangerously close to an affair if ya ask me...
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