boys

[saddy]

i go to tschoo, adn the teacher insists on us sitting boy girl
now i have to sit next to this guy and at first it was okay he kept himself to himself but then he started talking to me and hed make jokes and i would laugh and joke with him
now he thinks of me as a really good friend and it just came to me that i am getting tremendous amounts of sins for what i am doing
what can i do i cant just cut him off completely because then everyone will think im uptight also when im with him i dont mean it but i just cant help it if he says something funny i have to laugh
i dont do it purposely its just that at that time i dont think that i am getting sins it comes to me after ive done it
please help me and how can i try to lessen these sins

[.: Anna :.]

how many muslims in ur school? would it not b possible to have a word with the teacher that sitting boy/girl is not something right?
i guess they do it to prevent chattin in lessons? altho boys and girls also chat and sometimes show off in a stupid way so its not the best idea... but see if u cn talk 2 teacher insha allah abt changing it

[RashidD]

:salams

Firstly, it's extremely good that you've got this regret as this regret will InshaALLAH facilitate tawbah (repentance) from you, which will be accepted by ALLAH InshaALLAH.

I think you need to try and get away from him as much as possible, if not during class then during breaks etc. (I don't mean to accuse you of hanging out with him, just that if he tries to come to you then you block him by hanging out with other female friends etc)

It might be a good idea to do dawah with him as he could learn about Islam, but there are boundaries within which you should stay - this becomes tough for me as i don't know them and you should speak to someone more knowleadgeable about how to approach such a matter as you talking to him straight might not be such a good idea. The two of you should not be alone in any case (I'm not saying it's happened or will happen, just make a note of it)

May ALLAH (Ta'aala) guide us all, ameen.

[PiElle]

well... i remember when i was in a mixed class and the teacher put me with a boy next to me... and guess... the boy actually move his desk away from me... but I can't remember what happened after that, it was a long time ago... LOL

[Eemaan]

Im assuming your in secondary school right?

Three things:

1. Schols have something called the 'student voice' which is part of the 'Every Child Matters' Initiative. as a result all schools have a school council, you and your peers need to voice your disapproval at this method of classroom managment at the next school council meeting if your not confident enough do it via letter anonymously. The school council teacher will have to take it on board and follow it up as school council meetings are logged and viewed by ofsted.

2. Get you parents to write to the head to explain the religious disapproval of such an arrangement- he/she will have to act and respect this. im surpirsed this still goes on. But get the complaint in writing and send a copy to the Chair of Governers (you must do this or you letter will end up in recycyling)

3. Speak to your teacher, he/she MAY have some common sense but i dunno....seems unlikely :( since its usually surgically removed in training @)

Let us know how you get on.

Hope you dont catch boy germs :(

:there:

[Unregistered999]

if he talks to you give him a straight answer, do not get into a conversation with him or start joking around. Dont speak to him unless its necessarry and when you do make sure its straight to the point. if he makes a joke just pretend you dont find it funny.

[*hayat*]

may be you could try to get your parents to write a letter to school saying that you are uncomfortable because you cant see the board or any other excuse such as religious matter maybe?

i hope your problems gets better inshallah, best wishes

[neelu]

The school where I work also seats people together as boy-girl a lot of the time so I can understand what it must be like and it would be impossible to avoid talking to him completely. I hope you are the studious type in which case, talk to him in a formal manner just about what you're studying as I honestly think it would be impossible to stop interacting with the boys completely. You should completely avoid getting too giggly or chatty with him beyond that and if he notices or questions why you have changed, then politely explain that it's part of your religion to keep to certain limits when it comes to dealing with boys so he shouldn't take it personally.

If he is sincere, he may genuinely ask questions about Islam and how it affects your life which is a good thing inshallah, but if he accuses you of being uptight or tries to make things difficult then it's a sign that he had dodgy ulterior motives all along and you did the right thing to curb your interaction with him. If he does make things difficult, then have a serious word with a senior teacher who is an approachable good listener and request that you're seated away from trouble makers like that.

[Believer1984]

Lol they used to do boy and girl thing in ma school. Best way is ..

Brothers = keep your gaze down.

Sisters = wear a hijab and when boys approach you smile and look away and im sure they will get the message and if they still dont ' dont be shy to tell them that your a muslim and you have a unique life style.

:up: In Islam dont be shy or scared.

[dhakiyya]

Teachers sit pupils in a seating plan because it improves the behaviour of the class, reduces chatting, messing around etc. Boy - girl seating plans work well because some boys will mess around a lot more if seated with other boys, and some girls will chat, sit around doing hair/make up etc a lot more if sat with other girls. Enforcing boy/girl seating round the room reduces these problems and its the same for everyone so its seen as fair.

If most of the kids at the school are Muslim, such seating plans would not be suitable as it would make a lot of kids feel uncomfortable and there are steps detailed in earlier posts about how to deal with this.

If you are the only Muslim in the class, or just one or two others, perhaps you could have a quiet word with the teacher, or your form tutor or head of year, explain Islam's teachings about it, say its making you feel very uncomfortable, and would it be possible for you to sit on your own in those classes where you have a boy/girl seating plan. If you offer to sit on your own the teacher will know you are serious, and not just spinning a tale to get to sit next to another girl.

When you speak to teachers about issues, be totally polite and respectful, and if its Islam related and you don't think the teacher knows much about it, or may not believe you, take a book about Islam along with you to show them what the teaching on it is. (have a bookmark on the relevant page so you can show the information quickly and easily)

[Tax-Man]

nforcing boy/girl seating round the room reduces these problems and its the same for everyone so its seen as fair.
I have witnessed the opposit, flirting ect

[BARAA IBN MALIK]

[QUOTE=Unregistered999;1952849]if he talks to you give him a straight answer, do not get into a conversation with him or start joking around. Dont speak to him unless its necessarry and when you do make sure its straight to the point. if he makes a joke just pretend you dont find it funny.[/QUOTE

IM NO SCHOLAR BUT I THINK THIS IS THE BEST IDEA FOR THE PROBLEM.
AND YOU COULD ALSO EXPLAIN TELL HIM THAT IN YOUR RELIGION IT AINT ALLOWED.
WILL MAKKE DUA FOR U

[dhakiyya]

I have witnessed the opposit, flirting ect

Yes you are right, this is a potential problem with it. However on the whole, there are fewer problems in a boy girl seating plan. Flirting between a particular boy and a particular girl can be easily resolved by moving one of them to sit next to someone they don't like. I'm not saying its ideal, I'm just explaining why a lot of teachers choose boy-girl seating plans, and as I'm a teacher I can say I have taught many classes who behave a whole lot better in a boy-girl seating plan. (none of these are Muslim schools, just ordinary state comprehensives) I've also taught many classes that work and behave much better when seated in friendship groups. It depends on the class and the teacher has to do what they feel is best for getting the pupils to work hard and behave well.

The teachers in state schools are totally up against it with behaviour of many kids being so poor, that they do whatever is within their power (i.e. not much when it comes to ways of disciplining children) to reduce problems. Which is why I suggested the approach that I did in my last post, (i.e. speaking to the teacher politely about being allowed to sit on her own, with information about Islam from a book if necessary to back up what she are saying) because I know how teachers in state comprehensives usually think, and why certain things are done the way they are.

[GuCcI]

if he wants to chat during class be like, hold up i need to catch this. show ur actually interested in the class and ur trying to learn so he'll stop talking.

this scenerio sounds familiar cuz last semester a guy would sit next to me in some of my classes and he would never stop talking.. gets a little irritating. so wat i did was i told him to shut up :rolleyes: :) and it all worked out :up:

the last time we had a seating arrangement like this was back in 4th grade wen the boy (*sigh*, muslim....) next to me would steal my erasers from my desk and chew on them and then put them back in my desk :(