View Full Version : Could It Ever Happen?
This is a question more so to those whose family, or parents for that matter, are a roadblock to the possibility of you marrying a Muslim from another nationality/ethnicity to you.
Assume that there have been very few opportunities to marry such a person, and those opportunities never worked out for several reasons. There are no regrets and your starting to grow ever more frustrated as your disallowed to consider other proposals because of that nationality/ethnicity issue; now the years go by and your entering mid or late 20's and nothing still. And then you're starting into your early 30's and you can see where this is headed..
Do you think time could re-convince your parents and family that you should be given the choice of who you want to marry, regardless of who they are as long as they are Muslim (or non Muslim if your male)?
Mmmm this Q. dosnt really apply to me cuz iv been givent the choice 2 marry who i want from wherever regardless of where hez from ect. ect.
I think time culs re-convince my parents and family cuz they would want the best for me, by this time i dont think they wont b blind to the fact that my would be age wearing on and the poss. 4 a marraige that they want is very thin.
peace2u
19-06-07, 02:16 PM
hmmm, same here. But I do think at one point the parents will be more willing to change if they see that no grandkids will come unless they let you marry whoever it may be.
Peace
Cristiana
19-06-07, 06:24 PM
If I would wait for my parents' blessing on my marriage I'd stay a spinster for the rest of my life OR i would marry too late.
If your parents reasons to object are unislamic, respectfully explain that. If you invested a lot of time trying to get this message across and a brother you want to marry comes along, marry him and invest more time to get your parents to accept it.
In a nutshell: I believe that if your parents have objections that fall outside Islam to you marrying a brother, there is ONLY SO MUCH you can and should do. Especially if you are 25 or over, you are a grown woman, you shouldn't put your life on hold to second some unislamic "value".
But this is just me, Allah knows best...
cl@rity
19-06-07, 06:26 PM
Depends how much one knows his/her parents. If one feels their parents are not the type to cum round then the best thing to do is to move on with life.
a_nounu
19-06-07, 07:08 PM
If I would wait for my parents' blessing on my marriage I'd stay a spinster for the rest of my life OR i would marry too late.
If your parents reasons to object are unislamic, respectfully explain that. If you invested a lot of time trying to get this message across and a brother you want to marry comes along, marry him and invest more time to get your parents to accept it.
In a nutshell: I believe that if your parents have objections that fall outside Islam to you marrying a brother, there is ONLY SO MUCH you can and should do. Especially if you are 25 or over, you are a grown woman, you shouldn't put your life on hold to second some unislamic "value".
But this is just me, Allah knows best...
dont u need the agreement of ur wali?
mizfissy815
19-06-07, 07:09 PM
If I would wait for my parents' blessing on my marriage I'd stay a spinster for the rest of my life OR i would marry too late.
If your parents reasons to object are unislamic, respectfully explain that. If you invested a lot of time trying to get this message across and a brother you want to marry comes along, marry him and invest more time to get your parents to accept it.
In a nutshell: I believe that if your parents have objections that fall outside Islam to you marrying a brother, there is ONLY SO MUCH you can and should do. Especially if you are 25 or over, you are a grown woman, you shouldn't put your life on hold to second some unislamic "value".
But this is just me, Allah knows best...
There is the little problem with that...your father (your first wali) has to give his blessings in order for the Nikaah to be valid.
.: Anna :.
19-06-07, 08:36 PM
^ her parents are not muslim so actually she doesnt need that from her father , not everyone situation is the same :)
anyway i think with persuading insha allah u cn bring them round 2 see that refusing on basis of race is wrong.
but for brothers u dont need wali anyway or permission from parents to marry, so if they do act like this u can jst marry and then they will hav 2 accept right?? its only reallly sisters who wd have more problem as we normally need parents 2 agree... like altho we cn say they rejecting for anti islamic reason and go 2 uncle etc etc its not common to do like that.
but i think brothers should stick up for themselves a bit
My experience of jahil families with this mentality is that they operate double standards and it wouldn't make a difference if their daughter gets a bit older. If they are in such a situation, they would apply more pressure on the daughter to get an arranged marriage back home with a cousin or if they think she's "tainted goods" cos' she's reached her thirties, they'll ask her to explore other options such as becoming a second wife or marrying someone much older with kids as long as he's the same race/tribe/enter-jahil-criterion-here.
Cristiana
19-06-07, 10:21 PM
There is the little problem with that...your father (your first wali) has to give his blessings in order for the Nikaah to be valid.
In this case then there's no choice: you HAVE to wait until they say yes, so there's no question on what to do:S .
But if they don't approve of your perspective husband's shade of skin or city of orygin then it's just wrong.
Why would they observe 1 aspect of Islam (no wali's approval=no nikah) but not the fact you choose a spouse based on piety? :S
I know a sister who had a lot of family opposition when she wanted to marry an Arab brother. She's divorced and my understanding of the situation is that divorcee women do not necessarily need the consent of a male guardian. She tried talking her family round but it caused huge rifts and didn't get her anywhere. Eventually she had her nikah with the Arab brother without telling any of her family- she's only just told her mother in recent days and plans to tell the rest of her familyn in the next few weeks. My parents are hoping to discuss the matter with the family to soften the blow otherwise we suspect that their reaction could be violent. I hope for her sake the Arab brother is sincere and decent otherwise these immense efforts she's gone through would be wasted.
mizfissy815
20-06-07, 12:43 AM
In this case then there's no choice: you HAVE to wait until they say yes, so there's no question on what to do:S .
But if they don't approve of your perspective husband's shade of skin or city of orygin then it's just wrong.
Why would they observe 1 aspect of Islam (no wali's approval=no nikah) but not the fact you choose a spouse based on piety? :S
What they're doing is wrong, granted, but 2 wrongs don't make a right.
Quite few parents tend to nit-pick the bits of Islam that suits them and chuck away the rest …(mind, they never forget to add the little ingredient known as culture) to label that Islam and market it to their children. It's sad really...
Ethnicity should not be a problem when it comes to choosing a partner......regardless of whether you are 20, 30 or 40. It's character and deen which should be taken into account, not the colour of your skin or the language you speak.
That's our generation. Our parents however..
Abu Ahlam
29-06-07, 09:56 PM
Do not quote me, but from my understanding in the Haanafi Madhab when the Muslim sister’s wali causes an obstacle to her getting married, in extreme circumstances she can go against their wishes, I believe that would entail nominating another wali, starting from her mahrams from her fathers side. This was told to me from a scholar when I was facing some difficulties a few years ago, although it didn’t work out.
And it is true that a man can get married without the need for a wali, but what sensible father will give his daughter away to a family who show no love for her. It is highly likely he will turn you away.
That's our generation. Our parents however..
Parents would need convincing of course. Parents blessings are very important…I suppose you just have to have good persuading skills for something like this :p
This is a question more so to those whose family, or parents for that matter, are a roadblock to the possibility of you marrying a Muslim from another nationality/ethnicity to you.
Assume that there have been very few opportunities to marry such a person, and those opportunities never worked out for several reasons. There are no regrets and your starting to grow ever more frustrated as your disallowed to consider other proposals because of that nationality/ethnicity issue; now the years go by and your entering mid or late 20's and nothing still. And then you're starting into your early 30's and you can see where this is headed..
Do you think time could re-convince your parents and family that you should be given the choice of who you want to marry, regardless of who they are as long as they are Muslim (or non Muslim if your male)?
personally i do not understand at all why muslims pander to the whims of people with such jahil ideas even if they are their own parents, it is not permissible in Islam to be joining in jahil actions, we should be enjoining good and forbidding the evil. If centuries ago children has stood up for Islam, had spoken the haq, and strove for the sake of Allah ta ala, to educate their parents then we would not have such jahil entrenched generations of muslim families today.
anyone who believes In Allah ta ala, and who knows that we do not have nationalisim or racisim in Islam needs to speak out and do as the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam ordered him/her to do " when u see an evil (action/deed) change it with your hand, or speak out against it, or at the very least hate that evil, and that is the weakest of faith.
for anyone who wants to say well thats easy for you to say, l speak from experience, even before i was a muslim i knew this was wrong, and my father warned me to never marry outside of my race, he threatened all sorts if i did and he was a fierce man and i was scared of him, but when i met my jamican husband his race was insignificant to me, it was hard, but Alhamdulillah when my son was born my fathers heart changed completely, 18 years later his family now consists of a norweigen wife, her chinese daughter,a brazillian grandson, two jamiacan grandsons.. not bad for a man who claimed that all other races were not welcome in his family ;)
u see when u stand up for the truth, when u stand up for what is right before almighty Allah then it maybe a way to change the jahil of some people insha Allah. If you care for your families, then do not pander to their jahil whims because you are only assisting them in heading towards jahannam if you truely love them and want the best for them, and want to please them then help them on their way to al jannah insha Allah, speak out, change the evil with your hands or you will be responsible before Allah ta ala for allowing the jahil ways of pre Islam to prevail in your muslim families...
enjoining the good and forbidding the evil is a massive part of our deen, lets start acting on it insha Allah ta ala, and stamp out the jahil. may Allah assist us amin.
personally i do not understand at all why muslims pander to the whims of people with such jahil ideas even if they are their own parents, it is not permissible in Islam to be joining in jahil actions, we should be enjoining good and forbidding the evil. If centuries ago children has stood up for Islam, had spoken the haq, and strove for the sake of Allah ta ala, to educate their parents then we would not have such jahil entrenched generations of muslim families today.
anyone who believes In Allah ta ala, and who knows that we do not have nationalisim or racisim in Islam needs to speak out and do as the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam ordered him/her to do " when u see an evil (action/deed) change it with your hand, or speak out against it, or at the very least hate that evil, and that is the weakest of faith.
for anyone who wants to say well thats easy for you to say, l speak from experience, even before i was a muslim i knew this was wrong, and my father warned me to never marry outside of my race, he threatened all sorts if i did and he was a fierce man and i was scared of him, but when i met my jamican husband his race was insignificant to me, it was hard, but Alhamdulillah when my son was born my fathers heart changed completely, 18 years later his family now consists of a norweigen wife, her chinese daughter,a brazillian grandson, two jamiacan grandsons.. not bad for a man who claimed that all other races were not welcome in his family ;)
u see when u stand up for the truth, when u stand up for what is right before almighty Allah then it maybe a way to change the jahil of some people insha Allah. If you care for your families, then do not pander to their jahil whims because you are only assisting them in heading towards jahannam if you truely love them and want the best for them, and want to please them then help them on their way to al jannah insha Allah, speak out, change the evil with your hands or you will be responsible before Allah ta ala for allowing the jahil ways of pre Islam to prevail in your muslim families...
enjoining the good and forbidding the evil is a massive part of our deen, lets start acting on it insha Allah ta ala, and stamp out the jahil. may Allah assist us amin.
:jkk: sis, a couple of the verses of the Quran clearly indicate how the Children followed their parents into Destruction (Mushriks/Kaafirs) ...
it's a shame that some of us have learnt no lesson from it at all...
the exact excuse given by the Kuffar who rejected the Prophets (pbut) was that they would follow their Fathers ...
AL-Quran, Chapter 2 : Verse 170
--------------------------------
When it is said to them: "Follow what Allah hath revealed:" They say: "Nay! we shall follow the ways of our fathers." What! even though their fathers Were void of wisdom and guidance?
though the Prophets (pbut) reasoned with them to show them they were misguided ...
again this blind following of the Parents which opposes the Allah and the teachings of the Prophet :saw: is Clearly Prohibited...
Al-Quran, Chapter 5 : Verse 104
--------------------------------
When it is said to them: "Come to what Allah hath revealed; come to the Messenger": They say: "Enough for us are the ways we found our fathers following." what! even though their fathers were void of knowledge and guidance?
It is a disgrace upon those who have learnt nothing from reading such verses...
:jkk:
:jkk: sis, a couple of the verses of the Quran clearly indicate how the Children followed their parents into Destruction (Mushriks/Kaafirs) ...
it's a shame that some of us have learnt no lesson from it at all...
the exact excuse given by the Kuffar who rejected the Prophets (pbut) was that they would follow their Fathers ...
AL-Quran, Chapter 2 : Verse 170
--------------------------------
When it is said to them: "Follow what Allah hath revealed:" They say: "Nay! we shall follow the ways of our fathers." What! even though their fathers Were void of wisdom and guidance?
though the Prophets (pbut) reasoned with them to show them they were misguided ...
again this blind following of the Parents which opposes the Allah and the teachings of the Prophet :saw: is Clearly Prohibited...
Al-Quran, Chapter 5 : Verse 104
--------------------------------
When it is said to them: "Come to what Allah hath revealed; come to the Messenger": They say: "Enough for us are the ways we found our fathers following." what! even though their fathers were void of knowledge and guidance?
It is a disgrace upon those who have learnt nothing from reading such verses...
:jkk:
Does this apply to mothers too...?
Does this apply to mothers too...?
Of course, it applies to anyone, who follows their Parents, Relatives, whoever Blindly into destruction ...
the Verses I quoted were an example of how the Children led themselves go astray by following their Fathers Blindly, it could have been their Mothers, Uncles, or any other Relative, or anyone else for that matter, it is not necessary to state each and every singke person who might lead their people astray...
The point was that The Command of Allah Subhana Uta'ala and his Messenger :saw: apply and take precedence over all else... (it doesn't matter who they are...)
we are repeatedly told to Obey Allah and His Messenger :saw: again and again...
we are even instructed on how to resolve any Disputes...
Al-Quran, Chapter 4 : Verse 59
------------------------------
"O ye who believe! Obey Allah, and obey the messenger and those of you who are in authority; and if ye have a dispute concerning any matter, refer it to Allah and the messenger if ye are (in truth) believers in Allah and the Last Day. That is better and more seemly in the end"
very few people do that, even though it says specifically that..."if ye are (in truth) believers in Allah and the Last Day"
it is a shame and disgrace that many people don't realise the Seriousness of this verse...
:jkk:
Of course, it applies to anyone, who follows their Parents, Relatives, whoever Blindly into destruction ...
the Verses I quoted were an example of how the Children led themselves go astray by following their Fathers Blindly, it could have been their Mothers, Uncles, or any other Relative, or anyone else for that matter, it is not necessary to state each and every singke person who might lead their people astray...
The point was that The Command of Allah Subhana Uta'ala and his Messenger :saw: apply and take precedence over all else... (it doesn't matter who they are...)
we are repeatedly told to Obey Allah and His Messenger :saw: again and again...
we are even instructed on how to resolve any Disputes...
Al-Quran, Chapter 4 : Verse 59
------------------------------
"O ye who believe! Obey Allah, and obey the messenger and those of you who are in authority; and if ye have a dispute concerning any matter, refer it to Allah and the messenger if ye are (in truth) believers in Allah and the Last Day. That is better and more seemly in the end"
very few people do that, even though it says specifically that..."if ye are (in truth) believers in Allah and the Last Day"
it is a shame and disgrace that many people don't realise the Seriousness of this verse...
:jkk:
as serious as it may be... when it actually happens... one must still try to address the issue with much gentleness especially if the mother is involved... right...?
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