Question for the brothers???

[algharib]

My beloved brothers can you please share with us here on how can a pious brother identify a potential muslimah by certain traits that go beyound her wearing Hijab, niqaab etc... Because i have noticed this with some sisters that have already fallen for the brother tend to welcome his morals and principles even though they conflict with theres, and the brother might not notice this trick and go's ahead to marry her only to find out she was a fake sister hiding behind the deen. I once had an encounter with a muslimah, i asked her she should tell me what she likes and tell me about herself but she insisted i start talking about myself even though i was the one that poped the question first. Your contribution to this thread will be appreciated.:up:

[aisha2007]

My beloved brothers can you please share with us here on how can a pious brother identify a potential muslimah by certain traits that go beyound her wearing Hijab, niqaab etc... Because i have noticed this with some sisters that have already fallen for the brother tend to welcome his morals and principles even though they conflict with theres, and the brother might not notice this trick and go's ahead to marry her only to find out she was a fake sister hiding behind the deen. I once had an encounter with a muslimah, i asked her she should tell me what she likes and tell me about herself but she insisted i start talking about myself even though i was the one that poped the question first. Your contribution to this thread will be appreciated.:up:

Asalaam Alaikum

Firstly I would like to ask you what problem you have with women. You attempted to discredit women on a different thread already.
Secondly the way a pious brother can identify a pious sister? Go the right way around being introduced to her. Why are you not approaching the Imam at the mosque....finding out her family background?
What type of 'encounter' were you having.....as you should not have been alone with her.
So how can you marry a 'fake' sister? If you already know her family background and have spent time with them, and they have spent time with your family?
I fear akhi if you are spending time alone with muslimahs then the piousness is not necessarily true.

[algharib]

Asalaam Alaikum

Firstly I would like to ask you what problem you have with women. You attempted to discredit women on a different thread already.
Secondly the way a pious brother can identify a pious sister? Go the right way around being introduced to her. Why are you not approaching the Imam at the mosque....finding out her family background?
What type of 'encounter' were you having.....as you should not have been alone with her.
So how can you marry a 'fake' sister? If you already know her family background and have spent time with them, and they have spent time with your family?
I fear akhi if you are spending time alone with muslimahs then the piousness is not necessarily true.

Wallahi you owe me an apology, to just make such conclusions. The girl i spoke about is from the students of knowledge infact her father is a lecturer at the Islamic university of Madina who i spoke to before approaching her and i was not alone with her since her brother was present. It does not mean because you have apious parents that automatically the kids become good muslims, it does not work that way all the time look into the case of the Anbiya like Nuh,Lot,and among the Sahabah's as well. Please learn to give excuses to ur brothers and sisters or you will regret on the Day of Recokning.

[`asiya]

My beloved brothers can you please share with us here on how can a pious brother identify a potential muslimah by certain traits that go beyound her wearing Hijab, niqaab etc... Because i have noticed this with some sisters that have already fallen for the brother tend to welcome his morals and principles even though they conflict with theres, and the brother might not notice this trick and go's ahead to marry her only to find out she was a fake sister hiding behind the deen. I once had an encounter with a muslimah, i asked her she should tell me what she likes and tell me about herself but she insisted i start talking about myself even though i was the one that poped the question first. Your contribution to this thread will be appreciated.:up:

i dont understand akhi, why is she not a good muslimah because she wanted u to speak about yourself first, maybe she was shy to tell you about herself usually the walli would take care of that for her insha Allah , maybe she wanted to know about u , u know the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam has said that in these matters of marriage women become very shy, which is why a womans silence is her acceptance to a marriage proposal, unless she speaks out against it, then her silence means she is happy with her suitor so .. masha Allah good advice here

Please learn to give excuses to ur brothers and sisters or you will regret on the Day of Recokning.
masha Allah we should make 70 excuses for our brothers and sisters first insha Allah ta ala.

[algharib]

i dont understand akhi, why is she not a good muslimah because she wanted u to speak about yourself first, maybe she was shy to tell you about herself usually the walli would take care of that for her insha Allah , maybe she wanted to know about u , u know the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam has said that in these matters of marriage women become very shy, which is why a womans silence is her acceptance to a marriage proposal, unless she speaks out against it, then her silence means she is happy with her suitor so .. masha Allah good advice here


masha Allah we should make 70 excuses for our brothers and sisters first insha Allah ta ala.

Well said ukti. Ukti Asiya is quite matured,may Allah give her the best of things in dunya and akhiraah,allahumma amin....

[talib ul islam]

I have to agree with the sis above, you seem to come across to have a set mind that most sisters are out to entrap you, the sister you approached might have thought exactly the same as you? so thought let him (you) answer my questions first?

A brother would have to be pretty naive to fall for someone who's only out to entrap them, maybe these "brothers" you talk about had there own agenda's lust maybe?. Basically you have to talk, communication will determine the character of the person, so the sister you met was it a proper meeting with family? or something else? as families do have influence on character too.

Look bruv you have to do what everybody does, you have an initial meeting, the halaal way including mahrams and what not, then you look at the demeanour/personality of the sister and her family then you investigate with neutral people of her community, who will know her background and character best, that's the way it's done around here:up:

[aisha2007]

Wallahi you owe me an apology, to just make such conclusions. The girl i spoke about is from the students of knowledge infact her father is a lecturer at the Islamic university of Madina who i spoke to before approaching her and i was not alone with her since her brother was present. It does not mean because you have apious parents that automatically the kids become good muslims, it does not work that way all the time look into the case of the Anbiya like Nuh,Lot,and among the Sahabah's as well. Please learn to give excuses to ur brothers and sisters or you will regret on the Day of Recokning.

No akhi I do not owe you an apology. I asked for an explantion which you then gave. I do not need to give excuses for anyone or anything, excuses are not accountable on the Day of Judgement only deeds.
As muslimahs we are in the same position of trying to find pious brothers, not ones who go to the masjid only on Jummah, or thinking nothing of having a glass of wine with dinner.
All that you can do is observe her parents and hope that they have brought her up within the religion well enough for her to follow her deen Alhamdulillah.
But you cannot generalise this as being only a female fault. It is a fault also amongst the brothers.

[RashidD]

I don't think one needs to look at her parents and form a judgement, many youth today may be more practising than their parents. Don't let family put you off InshaALLAH, judge the man for himself.

[aisha2007]

I have to agree with the sis above, you seem to come across to have a set mind that most sisters are out to entrap you, the sister you approached might have thought exactly the same as you? so thought let him (you) answer my questions first?

A brother would have to be pretty naive to fall for someone who's only out to entrap them, maybe these "brothers" you talk about had there own agenda's lust maybe?. Basically you have to talk, communication will determine the character of the person, so the sister you met was it a proper meeting with family? or something else? as families do have influence on character too.

Look bruv you have to do what everybody does, you have an initial meeting, the halaal way including mahrams and what not, then you look at the demeanour/personality of the sister and her family then you investigate with neutral people of her community, who will know her background and character best, that's the way it's done around here:up:


Salaams

I totally agree. I agree with what the sister said also. As I said earlier you cannot judge it to only be women though.

[algharib]

No akhi I do not owe you an apology. I asked for an explantion which you then gave. I do not need to give excuses for anyone or anything, excuses are not accountable on the Day of Judgement only deeds.
As muslimahs we are in the same position of trying to find pious brothers, not ones who go to the masjid only on Jummah, or thinking nothing of having a glass of wine with dinner.
All that you can do is observe her parents and hope that they have brought her up within the religion well enough for her to follow her deen Alhamdulillah.
But you cannot generalise this as being only a female fault. It is a fault also amongst the brothers.

Alhamdulilah,khallas were even?

[aisha2007]

Alhamdulilah,khallas were even?

well...maybe at the moment akhi..........

[Songbird]

Don't let him off that easily Aisha. I'm still reeling over his "Why are there so many sisters divorced?" thread.

Like they were divorced from an Octopus?

[Amethyst]

I don't think one needs to look at her parents and form a judgement, many youth today may be more practising than their parents. Don't let family put you off InshaALLAH, judge the man for himself.

I agree with this, its the individual which counts :)

[algharib]

Ibn Kathir, my Brothers! lets continue with the advise,tips and suggestions. Insha'Allah we can't afford to marry the wrong sisters, we owe it to Allah and the coming generations to raise children that well trully emulate the Sahabas, why miss out on that oppurtunity.

[aisha2007]

Don't let him off that easily Aisha. I'm still reeling over his "Why are there so many sisters divorced?" thread.

Like they were divorced from an Octopus?


well i did say maybe......
I am watching out for further comments.....

[ursister]

assalaamu alaykum,

du'aa is the most powerful thing to do, because piety lies in many places and it really depends on what is important to you.

an example, i know sisters who memorize many books of aqeedah, have long qiyaam in salah and seem pious but are not nice in character, and are lazy in the house (don't cook, get up late), and moan and can't take simple jokes (soooo serious)!

so therefore you may meet a sister and she's got the hijaab and seems sweet but you need to ask some questions which are straight forward and also in a scenario format because everybody is on their best behavior at a meeting and will try and be careful as to what they'll say (bro&sisters) LOL.

for basic questions
daily ibaadah=
how much do you fast (per week month)
do you pray all the sunnah salah
qiyaamul layl
how many pages of quraan do you read daily
what are you reading at the moment (general bk)

what's she like on zuhd= (becoz i know pious sisters who r good at the above but are rapped up in dunyah and their husbands are always spending too much on them), you maybe a simple bro and practice zuhd well.

if you go to the house you might be able to figure out what they're like, are they excessive eaters, over the top furnishings etc
how often do you go clothes shopping
what type of house, furnishings would expect from me
do you feel the prophet's (s) simple life is attainable in these times etc


house= maybe you're strict on how your house is run (she's responsible for ur house)
how much of the cooking, cleaning does she do
can she even cook
if u eat at the house did she cook or serve (help)
do they seem organized

kids/childcare= (prophet (s) said marry the child bearing, gentle women in another hadeeth he said the women of the quraysh are good because they are good camel riders and are merciful to kids.
has she read any books on raising kids
how does she treat siblings
does she teach her bro/sis the deen etc

your rights=
what books has she read
what type of daily basis things does she feel are important as a wife
does she go gym
eat healthy

what non deen related things does she like (you have to compliment one another) it really depends on what you generally like.
how funny she is
down to earth
easy going
not got an attitude
interesting

Ask questions in a nice non attacking way because you could scare her off. I remember i had a meeting with a brother and he seemed too hardcore (saying you won't be sleeping over at sister houses anymore becoz blah, blah) and being with sisters was a major ting for me so 1 point down, and then he had thawb on but i hadn't seen him in it before, another point, then he had granddad socks on LOL another point FORGET HIM! So it really matters what you like and just be as you are.

As a wife and mother I just had to put my two cents in, maybe brothers are much better at these things, but I'm gonna make sure me and my daughters check out any woman my sons gonna marry, even before she comes to my house LOL.

[talib ul islam]

I don't think one needs to look at her parents and form a judgement, many youth today may be more practising than their parents. Don't let family put you off InshaALLAH, judge the man for himself.

Ok I guess this question is directed to me, yep I agree, it's down to the individual, but I was refering more to the manerisms, personality and akhlaak of the parents rather then how much they practice.

I personally know of some of my sisters friends who wear niqab and are fully practicing, but their parents are proper modern and hardly practicing at all, but the parents are nice, good and loving people who brought their kids up well hence they(the sisters) are practicing as they are now, hence my suggestion.

[RashidD]

Ok I guess this question is directed to me, yep I agree, it's down to the individual, but I was refering more to the manerisms, personality and akhlaak of the parents rather then how much they practice.

I personally know of some of my sisters friends who wear niqab and are fully practicing, but their parents are proper modern and hardly practicing at all, but the parents are nice, good and loving people who brought their kids up well hence they(the sisters) are practicing as they are now, hence my suggestion.

No offence if i caused any akhee and :jkk: for the clarification.

[talib ul islam]

Nah bruv, no offence taken:up:

I totally agree with what your saying too, but just thought I'd clarify:)

[Abu Mus'ab]

Insha'Allah we can't afford to marry the wrong sisters

Nor can they afford to marry the wrong brothers.

[aisha2007]

Nor can they afford to marry the wrong brothers.


Alhamdulillah the voice of reason!!!!!!!!!

[PiElle]

Alhamdulillah the voice of reason!!!!!!!!!

:up: Perhaps bro Algharib should try find the 70 excuses for the muslimah to see the beauty in her instead of finding the one fault in her and she's banished to being labelled imperfect...

[algharib]

Insha'Allah Allah well make it easy for the sincere pious brothers to find the best of spouses,vice versa.

[Raziel]

:up: Perhaps bro Algharib should try find the 70 excuses for the muslimah to see the beauty in her instead of finding the one fault in her and she's banished to being labelled imperfect...

:jkk::o

[JiHaDiYa]

assalaamu alaykum,

du'aa is the most powerful thing to do, because piety lies in many places and it really depends on what is important to you.

an example, i know sisters who memorize many books of aqeedah, have long qiyaam in salah and seem pious but are not nice in character, and are lazy in the house (don't cook, get up late), and moan and can't take simple jokes (soooo serious)!

so therefore you may meet a sister and she's got the hijaab and seems sweet but you need to ask some questions which are straight forward and also in a scenario format because everybody is on their best behavior at a meeting and will try and be careful as to what they'll say (bro&sisters) LOL.



for basic questions
daily ibaadah=
how much do you fast (per week month)
do you pray all the sunnah salah
qiyaamul layl
how many pages of quraan do you read daily
what are you reading at the moment (general bk)

what's she like on zuhd= (becoz i know pious sisters who r good at the above but are rapped up in dunyah and their husbands are always spending too much on them), you maybe a simple bro and practice zuhd well.

if you go to the house you might be able to figure out what they're like, are they excessive eaters, over the top furnishings etc
how often do you go clothes shopping
what type of house, furnishings would expect from me
do you feel the prophet's (s) simple life is attainable in these times etc


house= maybe you're strict on how your house is run (she's responsible for ur house)
how much of the cooking, cleaning does she do
can she even cook
if u eat at the house did she cook or serve (help)
do they seem organized

kids/childcare= (prophet (s) said marry the child bearing, gentle women in another hadeeth he said the women of the quraysh are good because they are good camel riders and are merciful to kids.
has she read any books on raising kids
how does she treat siblings
does she teach her bro/sis the deen etc

your rights=
what books has she read
what type of daily basis things does she feel are important as a wife
does she go gym
eat healthy

what non deen related things does she like (you have to compliment one another) it really depends on what you generally like.
how funny she is
down to earth
easy going
not got an attitude
interesting

Ask questions in a nice non attacking way because you could scare her off. I remember i had a meeting with a brother and he seemed too hardcore (saying you won't be sleeping over at sister houses anymore becoz blah, blah) and being with sisters was a major ting for me so 1 point down, and then he had thawb on but i hadn't seen him in it before, another point, then he had granddad socks on LOL another point FORGET HIM! So it really matters what you like and just be as you are.

As a wife and mother I just had to put my two cents in, maybe brothers are much better at these things, but I'm gonna make sure me and my daughters check out any woman my sons gonna marry, even before she comes to my house LOL.

Tabarak'Allah gave some good tips ukhti :)