how can ppl do this?

[confuzzled]

salaamun alaikum broz and sistaz

just wanted 2 hav a discussion about sumthin that my best mate talkd 2 me about the otha day. i was rlly surprised wen she told me this but i now find myself agreeing with her.

we r taught 2 b modest and not to be close to the opposite sex in islam. we r told 2 keep our distance, the fornication/adultery etc are wrong. and no doubt they should be. but then wen u get married u suddenly find urself being allowed 2 b next 2 sum1 of the opposite sex. u can talk to them, be alone with them, kiss/touch whatever....it seemz as tho if all your life u hav got used 2 not being able to do this, and suddenly your married and u can..how can someone be able 2 do that? with sisters, we dress modestly, how can u suddenly find urself being able to wear whateva u lyk in front of ur hubby? i find this concept hard to understand.

i feel "naked" if u lyk even if i wear a t shirt or short trousers since im not used 2 dressing lyk this all the time. i cover up whenever i go out, and also at home a lot because i hav a lot of guests ova. therefore i dont feel comfortable in wearing things that may even show the slightest bit of flesh e.g arms, legs. how do u get used 2 something like that wen ur married? ur not used to showing off your body -- hw can u show it 2 ur spouse? my mate was tellin me she wouldnt even wanna undress in front of him, or sleep on the same bed (wedding night) because it just wouldnt feel ryt, and i totally agree.

wen 2 ppl get married, in a lot of cases they dont know each otha well, and start getting 2 no each otha after the marriage, but even then, hw can u share a bed with someone u barely know, let alone have sex on the wedding night? i cannot understand it at all

[EGFEGeth]

Its not compulsory for u to consumate on the wedding night, an understanding husband may realise it is normal for some girls to feel a bit reserved considering that we are muslims and as you said we do not free mix and we are not used to that kind of thing. He should feel greatful that he has got a wife who has got a lot of hayaa embedded into her character masha allah :) however you will have to realise that this is your husband, and he is no longer a non mahram guy so you dont have to treat him like one. I know when you think of it in advance you may feel like panicking and you cant probably imagine how will overcome your shyness in some things like uncovering yourself, but you will get used to it insha allah so it will become normal for you. Anyway being married doesnt mean you have to wear all revealing clothes in your daily life in the house, like showing your legs etc. You dont need to go to extremes in wearing tight clothes and stuff :)

Some people have recommended if you really dont know him before marriage at all or barely, then if you start by going to your room and praying behind him for a while and read a book together about marriage in islam, this can make u feel more calm and get used to him a bit more. You dont have to go straight into bed! definately you should talk and get to know each other get a little bit more comfy first.

[sunrise]

salaamun alaikum broz and sistaz

just wanted 2 hav a discussion about sumthin that my best mate talkd 2 me about the otha day. i was rlly surprised wen she told me this but i now find myself agreeing with her.

we r taught 2 b modest and not to be close to the opposite sex in islam. we r told 2 keep our distance, the fornication/adultery etc are wrong. and no doubt they should be. but then wen u get married u suddenly find urself being allowed 2 b next 2 sum1 of the opposite sex. u can talk to them, be alone with them, kiss/touch whatever....it seemz as tho if all your life u hav got used 2 not being able to do this, and suddenly your married and u can..how can someone be able 2 do that? with sisters, we dress modestly, how can u suddenly find urself being able to wear whateva u lyk in front of ur hubby? i find this concept hard to understand.

i feel "naked" if u lyk even if i wear a t shirt or short trousers since im not used 2 dressing lyk this all the time. i cover up whenever i go out, and also at home a lot because i hav a lot of guests ova. therefore i dont feel comfortable in wearing things that may even show the slightest bit of flesh e.g arms, legs. how do u get used 2 something like that wen ur married? ur not used to showing off your body -- hw can u show it 2 ur spouse? my mate was tellin me she wouldnt even wanna undress in front of him, or sleep on the same bed (wedding night) because it just wouldnt feel ryt, and i totally agree.

wen 2 ppl get married, in a lot of cases they dont know each otha well, and start getting 2 no each otha after the marriage, but even then, hw can u share a bed with someone u barely know, let alone have sex on the wedding night? i cannot understand it at all


As salam ou lakoum

i see what your saying and no doubt it'll be something odd especially as it's a position most practising muslims would have never found themselves in... however it's even like that for anyone else for their 'first time'
but inshAllah if you have a kind and gentle spouse you will inshAllah take things slowly and you will know each other before the walima and in teh begining of the wedding so inshAllah you will be comfortabel with each other

And this having to do 'what you have to do' on the first night isn't cumpolsory and a good spouse would wait or take the necessary measures to make you feel comfortable inshAllah

As for being undressed or wearing less clothes...this is hwo you have been bought up. Maybe beofre you get married you can get used to wearing t.sjirts and stuff at home to make you feel more comfortable

And most Importantly! it's important that females understand that Males feel Nervous too! lool although they may portray this 'cool' and 'calm' exterior they are nervous aswell...so inshAllah this should make us feel more comfortable

now i apologise the crude nature of what i'm going to say but inshAllah it'll help...the nabi )pbuh) encouraged 'foreplay' or spending time with each other before the deed so inshAllah this will make you feel more comfortable and secure.

It just comes with time and inshAllah with a good spouse you will come to feel so comfortable when you think back you won't even rememebr being nervous or you'd think 'why was i even nervous'

Make du'aa sis for a pious and gentle brother who will look after you well and be gentle towards you inshAllah

Hope i've been some help inshAllah

[barjee]

assalaamu alaykum,

this post is sweet

I think even though we are brought up to follow our fitrah and be modest, we have strange ideas about things.

this sentence bothers me, why is this considered crude?!!!
*now i apologise the crude nature of what i'm going to say but inshAllah it'll help...the nabi )pbuh) encouraged 'foreplay' or spending time with each other before the deed so inshAllah this will make you feel more comfortable and secure.

foreplay and sex etc. are in our religion,it's not dirty or crude or rude, it's the non-muslims who make it nasty by adding their immoral comments on top of it.

this hadeeth shows that all these things are worship and will help us get to jannah inshaallah.

"And in your having relations with your wife, there is charity." They said in amazement: "O Messenger of Allaah, will one of us fulfill his desire (with his wife) and get rewarded for that?" So the Prophet (saws) said: "Don’t you see that if one fulfills it in a forbidden way, that he will have a burden (of sin) for it?" They said: "Of course, O Messenger of Allaah." So he said: "Then likewise, if he fulfills it in a lawful way he will be rewarded for it." [Muslim]

gradually you'll get relaxed with your husband and then everything will be o.k inshaallaah.