im embarassed to even say this but...

[embarassed]

hi. ive recently got married and im still young. the problem is that my husband wants to make love to me and i love him and all but i dont know what 2 do. i mean i know how you have sex but i just dont understand, seeing as though its our 1st time, how his penis goes in my vagina. ive seen diagrams of the female anatomy but i just dont know how 2 do it..and im hardly gonna experiement. i dont know exactly where my vagina is so....this is really embarassing...does it just come naturally and u know how to do it at the special time?? am i worrying for no reason?

i cant talk about this to my hubby cuz its just too embarassing. plz help. i feel like a ryt idiot not knowing. plz help me

[dgjdgjgfjfjfj]

hi. ive recently got married and im still young. the problem is that my husband wants to make love to me and i love him and all but i dont know what 2 do. i mean i know how you have sex but i just dont understand, seeing as though its our 1st time, how his penis goes in my vagina. ive seen diagrams of the female anatomy but i just dont know how 2 do it..and im hardly gonna experiement. i dont know exactly where my vagina is so....this is really embarassing...does it just come naturally and u know how to do it at the special time?? am i worrying for no reason?

i cant talk about this to my hubby cuz its just too embarassing. plz help. i feel like a ryt idiot not knowing. plz help me

assalaamu alaykum

sister i think you should tell him how you feel, he may appreciate your honesty, because perhaps he is wondering why you are holding back from this?
i think it comes partly naturally but partly you cant expect to know everything immediately. You said "im hardly gonna experiement"... hmm well why not? you may need to... aslong as you are doing that together with your husband it is okay. i mean you have to let him explore then he will find the correct place insha allah dont worry. but remember as you both dont have any experience, if it does not go perfectly dont feel disheartened because you can not expect that you will know something perfectly when you never practised it before. but dont worry about it sister just tell him how you are feeling. this is your husband, Allah says he is a garment for you, you dont have to keep your worries to yourself from him. I am sure your husband will not laugh at you or become angry or anything insha allah.

[sincereAdvisor]

actually i understand how the sis is feelin...ive had many young girls come up 2 me with similar problems. i think its just nerves. the key is communication. this sort of situation arises because of a lack of education

[too embarassed]

Assalamu Alaikum sister

i understand what ur saying and although im kind of surprised i agree with the second poster. u should talk to ur husband about it and he will try to help you overcome it. im not going to sit here and describe everything to u,its not right but if u are still having problems why dont u talk to a close friend who can help you also.

[Kal-El]

Sis I'm embarrassed to answer your question because it requires alot of graphic detail and I don't think it's appropriate for a brother to answer this specific question, but let me as vague and as helpful as possible..

Once the female body is aroused e.g. possibly from foreplay, things then become alot clearer in regards to what happens next and how that happens :up: I'm speaking physically, not emotionally

[KNNYSX]

There's no reason to rush yourself, just relax and only do what you are comfortable with, because if your not mentally ready you won't be ready physically. Lay the ground work first, start with smaller things i.e. holding hands, communicating more intimately, flirting etc. If things start going a little too fast, stop it, let him know you're not ready. He should respect your wishes.

It might help to turn the lights off.

[neelu]

I agree with KNNY, it's quite possible that you're either nervous or scared but you've already said that you love him so inshallah that should make it easier to at least be comfortable with small gestures like holding hands or hugs etc. I also agree that the key is communication; explain to him how you feel because if you don't tell him what is worrying you, he might misunderstand and think you're rejecting him and that wouldn't be fair on either of you. I think I know where you're coming from as our whole lives we've been programmed to assume that getting too close to men or undressing in front of men is wrong/bad/disgusting and yet once the nikah is done, we're supposed to flick a switch and want to dive into bed or something:eek3: I'd suggest that it might be an idea to buy one of the Muslim marriage guidebooks or check out the marriage sections on the imam fatwa sites and I'm sure you'll find you're not the only one who's had this dilemma.

[Al-Irhaab]

hi. ive recently got married and im still young. the problem is that my husband wants to make love to me and i love him and all but i dont know what 2 do. i mean i know how you have sex but i just dont understand, seeing as though its our 1st time, how his penis goes in my vagina. ive seen diagrams of the female anatomy but i just dont know how 2 do it..and im hardly gonna experiement. i dont know exactly where my vagina is so....this is really embarassing...does it just come naturally and u know how to do it at the special time?? am i worrying for no reason?

i cant talk about this to my hubby cuz its just too embarassing. plz help. i feel like a ryt idiot not knowing. plz help me

just let ur husband take control it wont be a problem.... even tho you may not know what to do he will

[Babbage]

Your husband will be as embarassed as you, so there is no harm in talking. There is no hurry either; you have a lifetime ahead of you. Before you have sex, just touch and feel one another's bodies, get to know the differences between your own body and your husbands, fondle and kiss one another and eventually you will move to having sex, but wait until you are both willing and easy.

[barjee]

assalaamu alaykum sis,

'hi. ive recently got married and im still young.'
congratulations

'this is really embarassing...'
don't feel shamed because the women of the ansar said 'they did not let shyness stop them from seeking 'ilm/knowledge'.

'i mean i know how you have sex but i just dont understand, seeing as though its our 1st time'
to be honest your mum should have given you a talking to but thats the past. I'll try and answer your question and hope that all the young sisters/ brothers can learn something in a halal environment inshaallaah.

'ive seen diagrams of the female anatomy but i just dont know how 2 do it..and im hardly gonna experiement'

1. a picture of the awrah from a science book helps but there is no harm in touching yourself as long as it's not masturbation (only with your husband can you similate desires)

#we have 3 holes:
1st hole= where urine comes from, the big fold of skin on top of it, is the clitoris (islam recommends that the skin on top of it is removed), this is the place which highly arouses the woman, when touched in different ways softly.

2nd hole= is vagina, after doing istanjah clean yourself and guide your hand past 1st hole, your fingers will slowly go upwards/inwards into the vagina.

when aroused by kissing, foreplay (touching, stroking,etc.[NOW I'M EMBARRESSED LOL, experiment Ukhti], a liquid comes out of your vagina (his penis as well) which helps to relax the muscles and once the penis is near the whole it just slides in, BUT if you aren't relaxed and he tries to go in too early, it won't let him or if he does get in, it will hurt you or might make you tear a little. Remember just to RELAX (it's worship) and all will be o.k.

3rd hole= where waste comes from!!! haraam for him to go in there.

'i cant talk about this to my hubby cuz its just too embarassing'

2.you could let him know you feel a bit shy, he's probably feeling a little awkward as well.

'does it just come naturally and u know how to do it at the special time??'

3. there is no special time to do anything, Allaah tells man to go to his wife anyway he wants (not anal sex), hadeeth says to answer your husbands call even if making bread! (who makes bread at night!! LOL)

'am i worrying for no reason?'

4. your not worrying as such, it's just new things and first time thats all. everything comes naturally, you learn as you go along. just remember to have fun, it's 'worship' and not 'dirty'.

5. don't tell people what you and your hubby do alone and don't become 'her indoors' (meaning- boring and not wearing make-up, not looking attractive, obese, and not wanting to experiment. make use of the things that Allaah has made halal and be exciting now and again, don't spoil him though.

love from your big sister

DON'T DELETE

[embarassed]

thank u for all ur replies

the thing is...u myt b shocked that im saying this becuz a lot of ppl think otherwise...but i just think sex is disgusting. it doesnt seem appealing 2 me and even thinking about it makes me sick. i definately wanna have a lot of children (i love kids) and i love my hubby but i just find it disgusting that u hav to 2 do THAT in order 2 hav kids...i wish there was an easier way...its sikkk..disgusting..

[embarassed]

You said "im hardly gonna experiement"... hmm well why not? you may need to... aslong as you are doing that together with your husband it is okay. i mean you have to let him explore then he will find the correct place insha allah dont worry.

sorry but again i find that disgusting....

[embarassed]

just let ur husband take control it wont be a problem.... even tho you may not know what to do he will

how will i know that he knowz what 2 do? he myt b in the same position as me. i dont wanna tlk 2 him its way too embarassing

[x sis x]

when i was young i was like u, i'd always think of sex as a dirty act, but realli it's not the case. if it wsnt dirty for nabi saw then how u we view this as dirty? its natural to have sex, this is the way u was brught into this world, this is the way it's done. think about ur hubby, it's not fair on him. he must be thinkin al sorts. i no u say ur too embrassd to talk to him but if u dnt talk to him then hu else r u going to talk to? wats the point of havin a husband if u cant share urself wid him? if u cnt bring urself round to sying it to him, write him a letter or sumthin or drop hints. this may destry ur marriage sis, and is this all worth ur hubby over? u dnt need to have sex right now, but slowly build urself up2 it, foreplay etc. pray to allah swt to giv u strength n courage insha'allah.

[Abandoned-Mind]

Thank you for the lesson on female anatomy Sisters.

This is no way a attack on the sister asking the Question.

Admins - Would it not be more 'appropriate' for this to be in something like a Sisters Section?

Where the experienced sisters can go into more detail and calm the sisters fears and explain what needs to be explained?

I do not see how a brother would help answering a sister in this situation except with the usual line "Don't worry, it'll hurt then you'll enjoy it"

Anyway thats my line too.

May Allaah guide us all to the khayr.

[$HugoBoss$]

I say that you become a member of this forum and private message a few sisters that are married since you can't join the sisters section right away. Inshallah i'm sure they can help you out. Don't hide anything from your husband sis, tell him exactly how you feel after all he is your husband, work it out together.

[neelu]

it will hurt you or might make you tear a little. Remember just to RELAX (it's worship) and all will be o.k.


From what little I've read about the evidences, sex is referred to as sadaqah which married couples get swaab (reward) for doing but it's not quite 'worship'.

There is a hadith about a man who approached the Prophet (saw) and admitted that he was too shy to expose himself (naked) in front of his wife and the Prophet (saw) advised him that it was okay and even said that he exposes himself to his wives and they expose themselves to him (ie as there's no shame in doing so within a marriage). Does anyone have the reference and text for this hadith as I think it should be pasted here?

[barjee]

assalaamu alaykum sis neelu,

concerning you statement:

*From what little I've read about the evidences, sex is referred to as sadaqah which married couples get swaab (reward) for doing but it's not quite 'worship'*

taken from ibn taymeeyah's essay on servitude pg 28-29:

he was asked about the ayah: "O Mankind! Worship your Lord..."[2:21] and
what is 'ibaadah (worship)?
what is it's branches?
and more questions dealing with ibaadah, he replied:
'Ibaadah is a comprehensive term that encompasses everything that Allaah loves and is pleased with, of both statements and actions, (both) apparent and hidden.
---
so therefore sister, I'm sure you'd agree that sex with your husband is something Allaah is pleased with :) and alhamdulillaah the prophet (s) did mention it's a sadaqah as well.


is it appropriate to post this info which is detailed?

I think it would be better to privately message a sister, so people who have a problem with dealing with REAL mature issues won't be offended. but at the same time people learn from other peoples questions and if they ever happen to be in the same situation, they'll know what to do.

Once a sister who had 6 kids came to me and asked me similar questions and she was over 30! GET REAL PEOPLE! we are humans and this Deen is a way of life chosen by Allaah, it tells us about 'everything', alhamdulillaah.

I think it's because of culture that has nothing to do with Islaam as to why we can't be mature and talk about these topics. I tell my kids things according to 'need to know' basis and that topics of kissing and hugging that they might accidently see are rude! but only because the ppl are not married and these things are special and private (not dirty).

Allaahu Aalim (Allaah knows best)

the questioner
I pray that Allaah changes your way of thinking sister, and please talk to your husband because shaytaan likes to cause trouble between spouses. Most problems in marriage are caused by lack of communication.

love barjee

[anony]

Assalaamualaikum

my wife had a similar problem, thing is its best if u tell your husband else he might think you do not find him desirable. and when u do tell he will help you thru it too. you have access to the internet why not search for the female anatomy. Sex is not disgusting as time goes the better it gets.

one of the posters was right, touch, explore each others bodies so that especially you get used to the idea of being touched all over, as for the man its much easier, but first u must inform ur husband about ur thoughts.

as i said my wife had a problem too of not knowing much about the her private parts and it scared her such that we never had sex for months even tho there was foreplay. then we discovered it can not be resolved by ourselves thus we visited a doctor and spoke it about and not too long after that it was resolved.

i can go into more detail but some might think it be wrong of a male advising a female especially that i'm not a doctor but was in the same boat as ur husband.

[shubchintik]

The following read might help you

http://muslimmarriages.wordpress.com/2007/05/26/muslim-marriage-guide-10/

[here2help]

i'm no expert but if you dont lyk the ide of sex...then you are obviously tooo young...i remeber a few yers ago i was lyk that...but wen u are old enough ...you understand it...

[Cashew]

My dear child, simply talk with your husband.

You say you love him.

He is there to understand and sympathize with all your fears.

Islam did not appear in this world to make husband and wife disgusted by their bodies or by physical intimacy between man and wife.

And, trust me on this one, if you want to have kids, you're going to have to get used to dealing with every aspect of the human body, like it or not.

You're going to change diapers, for cryin' out loud.

Weird little people are going to drool on you and pee on you and, yes, even vomit on you. Many, many times.

The human body isn't shameful.

Your body isn't shameful.

Simply talk with your husband about your fears. He loves you, too.

[*hayat*]

salam

i had a question but again i felt shy asking to someone,

what age are girls ready for sex, i know if makes a difference about the differnce in hot countries and their gens and the age you mature but whats the average age for girls?

and is it true the older you are the less pain you feel the first time?

sorry if i was rude, salam

[PiElle]

Go see a female gynae and i'm sure she'll have all the right advice and props to help you understand better.

It'll be a good start for your future family planning too.

[Babbage]

salam

i had a question but again i felt shy asking to someone,

what age are girls ready for sex, i know if makes a difference about the differnce in hot countries and their gens and the age you mature but whats the average age for girls?

and is it true the older you are the less pain you feel the first time?

sorry if i was rude, salam
There is a big difference between physical age of sexual maturity- which varies according to nutrition as well as genetics- and psychological age of sexual maturity. There is also a strong cultural element to it. If a society says that girls/women are mature enough to have sex at a certain age, then they regard themselves as mature enough. A good guide is that if someone wonders if they are mature enough, they probably aren't yet. As for the pain felt when the hymen is broken, it also depends on many factors; it's one of the reasons- among others- why people who have married should not think they should have sexual intercourse at once.

[Unre1tered111]

assalamu 'alaikum

sister, register on these forums, then speak to your sisters in private message. This is not for brothers and sisters to discuss and give each other advice. Sorry to be so harsh but I'm surprised no one said this before.

[.: Anna :.]

^ the idea is to be anonymous hence they can not use PM, because it is not anonymous

[Babbage]

^ the idea is to be anonymous hence they can not use PM, because it is not anonymous

Perhaps it would be worth "embarassed" registering or reregistering under another name with another address just to consult that group though.

[FollowerOfMuhammad]

Well there is not much i have to add here exccept that u dnt worry about all this stuff. Ur husband will take care of everything, just relax.

For various issues refer qa.sunnipath.com