View Full Version : YoU---your PAReNtS-- & the Marriage issue
Bint_Khalid
15-06-07, 03:32 PM
:salams :1popcorn:
Today the barrier between me and my parents talking about marriage has been lifted...It is a big thing for me because before it was very awkward to talk to parents regarding any marriage related issues and now I can literally talk to them about anything :D
My question and your views on this would be appreciated
Are we too open to our parents today?...10/20 years back it would have been seen as something shameful or sinful (culturally) for a girl to talk about marriage.
LiveIslam
15-06-07, 03:52 PM
well with my parents i think they still living in thir parents ages, becuase when i try to talk marriage to them i got a slap and was told that it was a shamefull thing to chat about. which got me a bit sad and confused :(:scratch:.
Alhamudillah your very lucky that you can talk to your parents about these kinda of things:up:
Mmmm very open with both my parents and siblingz regarding marraige, in our family nothingz taboo, mashallah i have very understanding parents:inlove:
.: Anna :.
15-06-07, 04:27 PM
I think its from culture not from Islam that parents would not allow their children to mention to them about marriage? marriage is not something shameful at all and its encouraged to get married young... so when the children are reaching their late teens and into twenties if parents do not bring up the topic what are they supposed to do?? it is half of the deen and marriage is the natural state for humans, they have normal need for companionship. Parents should feel happy if children approach them in regard 2 getting married, this shows they are trying to go the right way rather than haraam way of getting a boyfriend/girlfriend..
Also its not good when parents make the relationship strained so that the channel of communication is not open between them and the children, they should be able to come to them with any concern and feel they would be listened to and their wishes and needs considered properly, not just their needs being disregarded and parents thinking only about what will others think in the community etc
RashidD
15-06-07, 04:43 PM
Alhamdulillah mine are ok with it now.
Bint_Khalid
15-06-07, 07:21 PM
I think its from culture not from Islam that parents would not allow their children to mention to them about marriage? marriage is not something shameful at all and its encouraged to get married young...
Yes I believe it is cultural.
so when the children are reaching their late teens and into twenties if parents do not bring up the topic what are they supposed to do?? it is half of the deen and marriage is the natural state for humans, they have normal need for companionship. Parents should feel happy if children approach them in regard 2 getting married, this shows they are trying to go the right way rather than haraam way of getting a boyfriend/girlfriend..
Also its not good when parents make the relationship strained so that the channel of communication is not open between them and the children, they should be able to come to them with any concern and feel they would be listened to and their wishes and needs considered properly, not just their needs being disregarded and parents thinking only about what will others think in the community etc
:up: :masha:
sunrise
15-06-07, 07:40 PM
No i think parents play a vital role in helping their children to understand issues alien to them
they should the primary source for things that seem taboo such as 'marriage and health problems that are hush hush'...this not only strengenths the bond between parent and child but helps the child to understand and they don't have to resort to haram methods to 'find out' or 'experience whatever it is'
LiveIslam
15-06-07, 07:41 PM
No i think parents play a vital role in helping their children to understand issues alien to them
they should the primary source for things that seem taboo such as 'marriage and health problems that are hush hush'...this not only strengenths the bond between parent and child but helps the child to understand and they don't have to resort to haram methods to 'find out' or 'experience whatever it is'
good points mention sunrise:up:
a_nounu
15-06-07, 07:47 PM
salams
Im male, and my parents are like: GET MARRIED QUICK!!! (im only 20), but they have stringent requirements, makes finding someone nearly impossible!
My question and your views on this would be appreciated
Are we too open to our parents today?...10/20 years back it would have been seen as something shameful or sinful (culturally) for a girl to talk about marriage.
It's not sinful at at therefore there is nothing wrong in doing so regardless of what any backward culture thinks. There's no such thing as culturally sinful. If something is not haraam, then we can do it- if some backward culture tries to force our hands in making the halal haraam then it is the culture which should be changed. In which case it is a brilliant thing if people have overcome such superstition and decided to at least discuss their most important life decision with their parents.
marriage....huge topic in it self...not easy to tok to my parents...although i feel alot more comfortable tokin to dad than mum...lollol....
if some of our parents think its a shameful thing to discuss marriage they are in the dark ages and we and the community or local iman should educate them...for those like myself find it difficlut to tok to our parents we should ask the local iman to give toks on such isses...i knew of a sister whose father wanted her to marry in the family...the followin friday he went to jammah...surprisingly enough the khutbah was based on marriage...after that he said if it wasnt for the khutbah he wudnt have let his daughter marry whom ever she wished...so i guess its a matter of makin our parents understand...and we all have some1 who holds the key to our parents...
.: Anna :.
15-06-07, 10:13 PM
It's not sinful at at therefore there is nothing wrong in doing so regardless of what any backward culture thinks. There's no such thing as culturally sinful. If something is not haraam, then we can do it- if some backward culture tries to force our hands in making the halal haraam then it is the culture which should be changed. In which case it is a brilliant thing if people have overcome such superstition and decided to at least discuss their most important life decision with their parents.:up::up::up::up::up:
Bint_Khalid
16-06-07, 08:18 AM
It's not sinful at at therefore there is nothing wrong in doing so regardless of what any backward culture thinks. There's no such thing as culturally sinful. If something is not haraam, then we can do it- if some backward culture tries to force our hands in making the halal haraam then it is the culture which should be changed. In which case it is a brilliant thing if people have overcome such superstition and decided to at least discuss their most important life decision with their parents.
I only mentioned that because it is seen as an act of shame and I say sinful culturally because it can be seen as bad as commiting a sin in some cultures. As we know in Islam it is not regarded sinful..I hope it makes sence.
Assalamu alaykum
well now that brother got married and my other got engaged i can actually talk for a few mins bout it (which might sound weird), they say they got cousins waiting for me...and then things turn out ugly and i try to :outta:
Bint_Khalid
16-06-07, 08:58 AM
Assalamu alaykum
well now that brother got married and my other got engaged i can actually talk for a few mins bout it (which might sound weird), they say they got cousins waiting for me...and then things turn out ugly and i try to :outta:
:D You will eventually be cought :up:
tux08902
19-06-07, 09:17 PM
I live in America. I don't know what open is here. You'll probably here every type of conversation covering almost every topic some time in your life. You'll probably encounter some of those bizarre things as well, such as a very awkward ring tone for your cell phone that idolizes some pornstar.
So, no, in that context, I'm not at all open with my parents, probably a bit more reserved more than anything else.
Assalamu alaykum
well now that brother got married and my other got engaged i can actually talk for a few mins bout it (which might sound weird), they say they got cousins waiting for me...and then things turn out ugly and i try to :outta:
Muahaha! :D you havent got legs fast enough to leg it out of their reach, they'll catch ya sooner or later... :D
:jkk:
Cristiana
19-06-07, 10:16 PM
:salams :1popcorn:
Today the barrier between me and my parents talking about marriage has been lifted...It is a big thing for me because before it was very awkward to talk to parents regarding any marriage related issues and now I can literally talk to them about anything :D
My question and your views on this would be appreciated
Are we too open to our parents today?...10/20 years back it would have been seen as something shameful or sinful (culturally) for a girl to talk about marriage.
Waleykum assalam,
I think it's great masha'Allah :up: your parents must help you find a good husband so it's essential you talk about it. Besides, how can it be sinful to talk about marriage?
I think it's very good that you feel free to talk to them about this sensitive topic:D
:salams :1popcorn:
Today the barrier between me and my parents talking about marriage has been lifted...
sorry to be silly and ask but how exactly did you manage this? :o
my dad still hides behind a newspaper or such when this issue comes up...
marriage....huge topic in it self...not easy to tok to my parents...although i feel alot more comfortable tokin to dad than mum...lollol....
I can talk to my mum - but I find it soooo difficult to talk to my dad about this - though I really need to. I think he feels just as awkward.
Is it just me who has this problem?
I asked my mum a while ago how she felt about me marrying someone from a different cultural background (obviously they would be a practicing muslim) and eventually she said she was ok with it (I say eventually coz she was a bit surprised at the cultures I came out with) ....I really need to discuss this with my dad....and Im kinda scared i suppose. My mum has tried to hint to him but I would like talk to him myself - simply because unfortunately in our house when we want to discuss an important issue like choosing uni/ jobs etc when we tell my parents together they end up argueing about it ...so telling them seperately cuts that out (or at least delays it lol)
so yea... any ideas on how to go about this...?
Honey87
20-06-07, 11:14 PM
err I suppose i can be really open with mum, but im really shy in front of dad. so she can just pass messages on hehe
sorry to be silly and ask but how exactly did you manage this? :o
my dad still hides behind a newspaper or such when this issue comes up...
If my dad reacted like that to marriage issues... I'd try to bring up the topic with him that "Dad, everyone is going on about how I've reached 'that age' and should get married with you, so I need to ask you a few things". If he's responsive then that's cool and we can have a conversation. If he hides behind a newspaper and ignores me then I'll approach him a few days later saying "Dad, there's this really cute gora at work and he asked me out..." and before my dad recovers from his :rubeyes: shock mode, I'd be like "Of course I'm winding you up but if you wont open up about getting a rishta the legit way, what do you expect?!"
Islamiyyah
21-06-07, 12:13 AM
Assalamu alaykum
well now that brother got married and my other got engaged i can actually talk for a few mins bout it (which might sound weird), they say they got cousins waiting for me...and then things turn out ugly and i try to :outta:
I dont understand the cousin thing. Of course it is permitted in Islaam, but why would anyone marry their cousin? Like there are sooo many other people on this planet! Intermingle! Jeeze it annoys me so much :smack:
Believer1984
21-06-07, 12:15 AM
My parents are cultural minded and im Islamic minded.
This is where we clash. :(
Lambo5688
21-06-07, 01:03 AM
Umm...my parents are kinda like that. I have NEVER talked about marriage with them...not even mentioned it...so It is kinda taboo. But they prolly wont get mad, like if I talk to my dad about it..he would just laugh at me. My mom might just say shut up. But my older sis talks to my mom about it all the time(cuz she is engaged)...but I mean the thing is that my older sis never talked to my dad about it...its not that they aren't close, its just that marriage issues are kept hush hush.
i cant talk about marriage with anyone!
theres no one i can tell about my demands and wat has to be done on my wedding :( such as my horse drawn carriage dream and how i want pink flowers and pink table cloths and all the other frilly details ive planned out 10 yrs ago :(
$HugoBoss$
21-06-07, 01:58 AM
i cant talk about marriage with anyone!
theres no one i can tell about my demands and wat has to be done on my wedding :( such as my horse drawn carriage dream and how i want pink flowers and pink table cloths and all the other frilly details ive planned out 10 yrs ago :(
So you want a pink wedding, i'm willing to wear a pink suit if you invite me :D
10 years a go when you were 8 :scratch:
Lambo5688
21-06-07, 02:39 AM
i cant talk about marriage with anyone!
theres no one i can tell about my demands and wat has to be done on my wedding :( such as my horse drawn carriage dream and how i want pink flowers and pink table cloths and all the other frilly details ive planned out 10 yrs ago :(
are you serious?
Supernova Nebula
21-06-07, 05:08 AM
lol my mother has been presssing me to get married since I finished my bachelor's(a few proposals came I never told her lol) and untill now keep on reminding me to get marrried ASAP whenever I'm home:o. Father has been cool, no pressure nothing though. My brother tried to hook me with his friend till he got fed up lol. Especially now, mother is worried nobody will take care of me when I get sick especially since I'm leaving her for a long time far far away from her. So, I never have problem talking about marriage with my parents and they dont care who I wil marry as long as he's a responsible (this comes first to them coz they are not impressed with people knowledgeble in deen but not responsible people) person who will take care of me.
Supernova Nebula
21-06-07, 05:10 AM
double post, sorry
Songbird
21-06-07, 05:48 AM
i cant talk about marriage with anyone!
theres no one i can tell about my demands and wat has to be done on my wedding :( such as my horse drawn carriage dream and how i want pink flowers and pink table cloths and all the other frilly details ive planned out 10 yrs ago :(
We would never have guessed you liked pink :D
I dont understand the cousin thing. Of course it is permitted in Islaam, but why would anyone marry their cousin? Like there are sooo many other people on this planet! Intermingle! Jeeze it annoys me so much :smack:
same here i think its cuz they wanna keep the family together.....meh my bro got married outside the family and other bro got enganged outside the family so i might aswell
Bint_Khalid
21-06-07, 08:23 AM
sorry to be silly and ask but how exactly did you manage this? :o
my dad still hides behind a newspaper or such when this issue comes up...
:scratch: lol I think its' becasue it's the "age" to get married. Most of my friends and cousins are getting married and some are already married so I guess this caused us to to talk and discuss marriage.
sorry to be silly and ask but how exactly did you manage this? :o
my dad still hides behind a newspaper or such when this issue comes up...
I can talk to my mum - but I find it soooo difficult to talk to my dad about this - though I really need to. I think he feels just as awkward.
Is it just me who has this problem?
I asked my mum a while ago how she felt about me marrying someone from a different cultural background (obviously they would be a practicing muslim) and eventually she said she was ok with it (I say eventually coz she was a bit surprised at the cultures I came out with) ....I really need to discuss this with my dad....and Im kinda scared i suppose. My mum has tried to hint to him but I would like talk to him myself - simply because unfortunately in our house when we want to discuss an important issue like choosing uni/ jobs etc when we tell my parents together they end up argueing about it ...so telling them seperately cuts that out (or at least delays it lol)
so yea... any ideas on how to go about this...?
well errm...firstly sweet talk...keep him sweet and humble ensuring hes in a good mood (most vital aspect)...just communicate about all subjects then bring up marriage...then just start discussing what culture says about marriage...then u'll roughly get an outline on his ideas then go on to saying what islam has to say about it......hope thats helps inshallah
are you serious?
ya..... :scratch: ok so im exxagerating about the table cloths... but flowers ... YES :inlove:
So you want a pink wedding, i'm willing to wear a pink suit if you invite me :D 10 years a go when you were 8 :scratch:
if ur willing to buy ur own plane ticket :up:
ok so i dont remember exactly wat age sheesh... ever since i was a kid. i was one of those girls who would dress up like a bride in a red lehenga/sari and red lipstick. i hav a picture wen i was 5 its soooo funnyyyyy :D
We would never have guessed you liked pink :D
yuppers :o
$HugoBoss$
24-06-07, 01:00 AM
if ur willing to buy ur own plane ticket :up:
ok so i dont remember exactly wat age sheesh... ever since i was a kid. i was one of those girls who would dress up like a bride in a red lehenga/sari and red lipstick. i hav a picture wen i was 5 its soooo funnyyyyy :D
Where you getting married back home or Ottawa??? Don't worry i'll custom make the pink suit, bright pink :D
Cool i want to see a pic in the "post your baby pic section" i want to laugh to :p
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