Overwhelmed mum: postnatal depression

[sunshine77]

Salam everyone,

I have just joined the Ummah.com forum, I have been reading some interesting threads and thought joining a community like this one is just what I need at the moment. (I'm sorry to be posting this message again, some of you may have already read it on the new members page)

I am a mother of two (twins aged three), and have been depressed for some time. It started out as postnatal depression, I tried medication and herbal stuff, some of which helped a bit. The doctor advised me to stop my medication as the dose I had gone down to was so low it hardly made sense to take anything.

It has now got to a point where I always feel so angry and upset. At myself, at my children, at the world. Small things get on top of me and make me cry. Reading the news or about the sad things happening to Muslims all over the world makes me depressed. On a bad day I cant even enjoy being with my children, I just end up shouting at them, telling them off for no apparent reason, the anger and frustration I feel just takes over everything. Some of the symptoms of my depression have been crying, lack of motivation to do anything, avoiding friends and family (I just dont feel like seeing or talking to anyone sometimes), eating more than usual, snacking a LOT.

I have been trying to deal with this on my own as I thought I could combat it, and Insha allah, with Allah's help, I will. The worst thing for me now is that I cannot bring myself to read Quran or any extra prayers to ask Allah's help. I feel emotionless and lifeless when I read Quran, which isnt how it should be! I can't make myself turn to prayer and Quran when I need help, I just sit there and bawl my eyes out. In my saner moments I can tell myself that crying isnt going to help me achieve anything, but when depressing thoughts overcome me, I go and do the same thing. Cry.

My poor husband tries to talk to me and make me feel better but unless I change myself it seems nothing and no-one can help me through this.

I know the benefits of reading Quran and duas, and of reading extra salah. At the moment I am just praying my five daily prayers, by rote and through habit rather than because I feel like actually praying. When I think of how weak I have become, I sit there and cry even more as I dont want to be like this. I used to pray more and read more Quran before I had children, and I feel like I should be getting stronger as time goes on, not weaker.

Life was different before I had my children, I was working full-time (I am now a stay-at-home mum) I had so many Muslim friends and colleagues around me who I socialised with on a regular basis (now it's difficult to find any time to go anywhere without our children), I was working in an Islamic environment where I felt happy and secure, and was getting my daily dose of what I called 'Iman booster'. I heard Islamic talks, we talked Islamic politics, I was happy. I dont know what went wrong and where, but I need to fix it.

I love my children to bits, and on my happier days I love playing with them. Unfortunately there seem to now be more sad days than happy ones. As everyone knows, being a mum is the hardest job in the world and I really feel I could do a better job without all this added baggage. Most days I feel like an awful mother.

The doctors keep telling me it's all normal, and that women with young children often feel depressed, especially women who have twins as it is such an overwhelming change to go from having no children to suddenly having two. They keep telling me to take time out away from the children and to regularly do things I enjoy. I am fed up of talking to doctors who dont understand what I am going through and wont be able to view this from an Islamic perspective. I have thought of Islamic counselling and have looked up Sakinah counselling services on the internet.

I just think maybe talking to people who understand or who have been through a similar experience will help me. I need to read duas or prayers which will help, and need lots of encouragement from other Muslim mums.

If you cannot give me any advice, I ask if you could please remember me in your dua'.

Wassalam,
sunshine77

[dhakiyya]

Yeah I can give advice, I had depression in the past (before having any baby) and after having my baby it took a long time to feel "normal" again, and nearly got depressed (bascially I could feel the depression coming back but mashaAllah averted it alhamdulillah)

My advice: (don't know how well it'll work for you, but here it is...)

Get out every day. Stick the kids in the pushchair (or strap them to you via reins or something) and go for a walk in the park, or to the shops, or anywhere, it doesn't matter (though somewhere green is better). Even if its raining. Fresh air and exercise are essential for physical and mental health.

Get as much natural light as you can. Look at grass and trees as much as you can. There is something about the colour of chlorophyll in natural light that is very beneficial to mental health (and very recently there has been medical research into this, still in its infancy). Open all your curtains and try to get as much light as you can indoors, install natural spectrum lightbulbs if you can.

Seek out the company of other mothers. Try to meet up with them at least twice a week, preferably Muslim mothers. Make yourself go and meet them whether you feel like it or not. Firstly you need the company of other adult women, secondly they will be going through the same trials with their children and you can swap tips, stories, get stuff off your chest and so on. You dont have to get someone to mind the kids, cause the kids can play with their kids, and you can invite them back to your house. As you've got twins, maybe you could join a twins club, where mothers of twins get together.

Try to get lots of exercise, if you can't get out to the gym, maybe do some exercise videos/dvds. The kids could "join in" and be amused that way.

Get support - from family, friends, people who have been through it before. If your family don't support you enough, and you are overtired and overworked, it would help you a lot if you could get someone from the family to maybe mind the kids for an afternoon whilst you have some time to yourself, or someone to help around the house, or just be some adult company whilst you go about your normal day. If your family are totally unco-operative about this, there are other ways to get practical support, for example if you go to the health visitor clinic and speak to a health visitor about how you are feeling, maybe they can get you in touch with an organisation that gives volunteer practical support to struggling or depressed mums. As a mother of twins, you are more likely to qualify for this kind of thing.

If you've been perscribed antidepressants, take them, but don't consider them to be a cure, they alleviate the symptoms of depression, but don't banish it forever. They give you the energy and relief from your symptoms to be able to make changes to help you get over the depression, but you will need to make changes (e.g. the things I mentioned above, in addition to dealing with emotional issues that may be contributing to the depression, practical issues like lack of support and so on)

InshaAllah that helps. May Allah make your depression go away and give you all the help and support you need to feel better :love:

[Te'oma]

Assalaamu alaykum

Sounds to me like you have a combination of problems, first and foremost would be stress. At one time my wife and I had 5 kids all 6 and under including a pair of twins. My wife was like you too in that she was very active and social before the kids were born and it pushed her into a real funk having to give that all up and deal with the kids while I was away.
She went the prescription drug route and all that and what we found really helped was something very simple. She took a stress complex vitamin B compound and a mix of skullcap and valerian root to help her rest at night.
She then started going to a mother's support group where the kids would all be playing and the mom's got to take a break and have some adult conversation during the day.
It made a world of difference for her

[dhakiyya]

Another thing I just thought of, some researchers think that depression is actually a disorder of sleep - your batteries don't get recharged properly so to speak. A key symptom of depression is waking up too early and being unable to get back to sleep - although there are other forms of insomnia associated with it, and in the case of postnatal depression constantly broken sleep is a major factor (and not one easily remedied if a child refuses to sleep!) - in my case I knew I was becoming depressed because even though my daughter (alhamdulillah!) was sleeping through the night, I wasn't...! - the fresh air and exercise, and exposure to plenty of light during the day all help you to sleep well. Eating well also helps (something else I forgot in my last post!). Making the room darker at night can help too (for you and for any child that doesn't sleep well, in fact all these things help children and babies to sleep well too)

This is just one theory about depression, there are quite a few, but it is clear that sleep is adversly affected by depression and sorting out good sleep is a step towards alleviating it. If your child or children don't sleep through the night, try to catch up on sleep when you can. (something else you may need family support for)

As for food, bananas and dates are good for making seratonin (a chemical in your brain that is depleted when you have depression - antidepressants boost levels of seratonin temporarily, thats how they work) - all round good diet is good for keeping your brain chemistry in working order - like Te'omas advice about B vitamins. Try to eat your 5 portions of fruit and veg a day, plus 6 glasses of water a day (for any breastfeeding mothers reading this - make that 8-10 glasses a day and eight portions of fruit and veg) - eat wholemeal and wholegrain foods when you can, and generally healthy stuff. If you like chocolate cake and ice cream don't stress about it, just worry about getting enough of the foods you need, treats are good for you too. (but comfort eating is a vicious circle if you feel worse later on because of it so its best avoided inshaAllah)

[MG]

wa alaikum aslaam sister, i really dont know what to advise in this situation accept that wen u dont feel like turing to the quran or allah swt at the time when your feeling down (whihc i can understand) then u must really force yourself becos when we are vunerable sometimes, shaytan uses these opportunities to pounce on us and make try to make us turn away from allah swt.

I will definately keep u in my duas.

May allah swt keep u and your family happy always and grant u sabr and relief at this difficult time. Ameen

inshallah following helps u too:

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=122714&highlight=relief+corner

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=127040&highlight=anxiety

[kpuz]

I had depression too last year, it wasn't post-partum, but I still think i can give some tips. I think you might be overwhelmed by the changes that you see and are projecting in the future for yourself. Try to find time to do things you really enjoy and make it a habit. Also, find a really good friend to talk to about how you are feeling, your husband is probably a perfect person in this regard. Don't try to cheer yourself up, or ask your husband to cheer you up, just try to release all the emotion you have without any sort of filter. It will help you feel better when you know that someone else understands what you are going through. Eventually, it will go away when you come to accept and appreciate the new circumstances you are in (i.e. the mom lifestyle).
Peace and good luck.

[heaven2002]

salaams sister
i was just thiking that now that ur children are three you may qualify for them to attend a local childrens centre (if ur in the uk they are called surestart?) and these centres usually have activities for mums too.
i think spending time with other mums and chatting to them should be a big help
inshallah Allah will make you better :up:

[sunshine77]

Salam all,

Jazakallah Khairan for your replies and advice. I was attending our local twinsclub for which I was also a committee member, but there were no Muslims there and I didnt really find it helped me much. I thought keeping busy with it would be the ideal thing, but since I can't drive getting to the club was also a major stress-factor at times. I used to attend weekly and meet with the mums (who I felt I had nothing in common with) and we'd share tips and advice, etc, but how am I supposed to talk about how lost I feel with non-Muslims who may be thinking 'poor depressed opressed muslim woman'?? I have a real problem being open with non-muslims (though I do have non-muslim friends too) as I fear that my problems and unhappiness may be asociated with being a muslim woman. I am conscious of the fact that many people view us as oppressed women and I try to hide my true feelings because of this.

A major contributor to my depression has been failing my driving test several times. I had hundreds of lessons and still havent passed, so I gave up. Which I know will only make things worse for me, as driving would really help me get out and do more of the things I enjoy.

I have two very close muslim friends who I see on a regular basis, both have children, but it's sometimes upto two weeks between meetings so our get togethers are inconsistent. When we do get together the children enjoy playing together, we sometimes take our children out for meals together which is always an enjoyable experience when with friends.

Our families live quite far from where we are, which is quite a problem. When I visit my parents' home everyone helps out and I do get time to myself. Unfortunately this isnt possible for me on a regular basis due to the distance.

I do need to eat healthier and exercise, as I think these will definitely help me. Sometimes we plan to do things but they never get past the planning stage :(

I never did see antidepressants as a solution, I do realise after talking to health visitors that I need to change a lot of things, get out more, push myself to meet people, keep myself occupied. Unfortunately shaitaan does prey on vulnerability and I suppose my feeling depressed doesnt help. I do make an effort to make myself read Quran sometimes, especially when I have been encouraged by others around me to read, but again, I never come away from it feeling I have achieved anything. I need to make it a regular habit and Insha allah will get stronger with time.

I like the idea of lots of green. We are fortunate enough to have a lot of woodland and green areas where we live so I will take benefit from this Insha allah. I have always thought about going on walks, etc, my husband is always encouraging me to do this with the children, but for some reason or the other this never happens. I get bogged down by something at home and always decide against stepping out.

My children have just turned three and a half so will be attending pre-school from September Insha allah. This will at least give me a few hours to myself and should help matters. Unfortunately we do not have a Surestart as for some silly reason I can't understand, they only run schemes for people living in what they call 'deprived' areas. I was discussing this with my health visitor recently, surely depressed mums exist in all towns and communities, regardless of what sort of area they live in??

Please do keep the advice coming in, I am avidly reading all posts and am going to make a real effort to listen to advice and possible solutions, Insha allah.

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:wswrwb: :love:


Sis i had some form of it last year after a build up of stress due to exams and getting the grades i want, the placement year i want etc.

This is what i would suggest to you habibti:

Natural scenary helps a great deal - and so does a plan :insha:

- Firstly sis try to think of something enjoyable you would like to do - say meet sisters/relatives you haven't seen in a while- plan for a visit and you will feel excited about it but let me tell you may feel at times after such meetings that you feel deflated. Trust me sometimes i'd meet friends then go somewhere private and cry my eyes out feeling so miserable meet up with them to get that 'boost' but then in your mind plan for something else too.:fairy:

- Pick a new hobby - completely brand new - for me it was my driving . Go for a hobby that is exciting - or something you wanted to do for a long time. Hard work makes one happy trust me - be it you wanted to do your garden, start sewing or even start new classes . Key is keeping your mind occupied.:meow:

- If you start a new hobby then walk to that place or even start walking, put your babies in a pushchair and walk to school or your relatives - mums or dads using the pushchair. Ask the hubby to take you to the park and have a nice stroll in the evening- even pack a picnic make it enjoyable. Admire the scenary :love::coolsis:

- Advice is definately stay in the sun - the sun makes us happy. Produces those chemicals that makes us happy. :hidban:

- Sis if you can leave your children to your parents or your husbands parents for a few hours one day a week or go take them there as a 'family visit' then go for it.:meow:

- Have a spoonful of honey - RasoolAllah :saw: Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him and his family loved honey i heard and cucumbers. :inlove:

-Start eating fresh fruit- throw out the processed junk food- eat healthy, feel healthy... feel good! :blobblue: Exercise if you want- eat a variety of fruit- go for it sis!

- Ask for help when needed - trust me ukhtee i would text late at night to most of the people on my phone urging them to make Dua for me because i would feel so bleak.:75:

- Read about those who have suffered before you- a book that was my companion was the Quraan and a book called 'Don't be sad - Laa Tahzan' it talked about the suffering of the Muslims before us and it made me feel humble. :love:

_ Try to kiss and hug your childrne loads and you will feel :inlove: when they start showing you more and more affection. I remmeber when i couldn't sleep for four days straight except 15 mins and i was away from my family - the sisters i was travelling with soothed me and stayed with me and till now i remmeber it helped me SubhanAllah. Affection is a beautiful thing- give affection and watch it multiply :insha: Allah loves you - His Slaves will too :insha:


- If not much works plan a holiday to a nice hot place, if you can't then ask hubby to take you to a countryside place for a few days. :insha: habibti i will make Dua for you and so will others. May Allah - Glorified is He make you pass this test with flying colours. AMEEN.

:love: Loads of Duas, kisses and hugs. :love:

Fatima

xx

:wswrwb:

[RaNdOm]

:wswrwb:

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i dont know if i'll be able to help but inshaAllah will try...

firstly everything u experience in this life can have an affect on ur hereafter... “No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress – not even a thorn that pricks him – but Allaah will expiate for some of his sins because of that.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5641) so inshaAllah any worry or grief or distress ur feelin will be a cause for ur sins to be expiated too inshaAllah...

“Allaah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now, until He distinguishes the wicked from the good. Nor will Allaah disclose to you the secrets of the Ghayb (Unseen), but Allaah chooses of His Messengers whom He wills. So believe in Allaah and His Messengers. And if you believe and fear Allaah, then for you there is a great reward”[Aal ‘Imraan 3:179]

what ur goin through is ur test... and how u react to the test will show if ur closer to the wicked or closer to the good... so what u gotta do is try ur hardest inshaAllah to make sure that ur always from the people closer to the good...

“While as for those who accept guidance, He increases their guidance and bestows on them their piety”[Muhammad 47:17]

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” [al-Nahl 16:97]
dont ever be fooled into believing that all ur struggles are worth nothing, cos even if u dont see immediate effect... its all being stored up... and thats what this worlds all about... if everytime we went through difficulty, we saw the fruits of our effort straight away then how would u truly be tested... each time ur gonna be pushed a little further so that inshaAllah ur emaan can rise...

everytime ur tested, the ease isnt always gonna take the same amount of time to arrive... its like
test comes = good comes...
test comes ==== good comes....
test comes =============== good comes....
u just gotta believe that the good WILL come and it will inshaAllah... but through that ====== time u have the chance to increase ur emaan, cos obviously the longer that period the more difficult it will seem and the stronger ur emaan will have to be to overcome it... so rather than lettin urself sink into the misery everytime everything feels so worthless u gotta become even more determined and fight that feeling away :spunch: and know that its just more that u havta go through to get to the good... and that inshaAllah its a means of ur emaan become stronger too...

“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, ‘When (will come) the Help of Allaah?’ Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!” [al-Baqarah 2:214]

the Prophets were the most severly tested people... right to the point that even the messenger of Allah :saw: was questioning when the help of Allah would arrive... but it was revealed to him that Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!” so u cant let urself become disheartened to the point that u start thinkn that theres no way out... as long as ur trust in Allah swt remains strong, He will make sure u have a way out...

As for those who believe and do right actions, the All-Merciful will bestow His love on them. (Surah Maryam, 96)

as long as u continue to do righteous actions... ull earn Allah's love, and what could be better than that?

“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]

shaitaan wants to fool u into believing that all that u do is not benefitting u in any way... u cant give up reading the Quran or ur extra prayers... cos these are the things that will help u and only these things will bring ease to ur heart... uve gotta strive hard in Allah's cause to able to receive Allah's help... altho it might upset u so much to the point u cant stop crying, but are those tears not better spent when ur crying to ur Lord asking from His inifinite Mercy rather than crying aimlessly?

“Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allaah — Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allaah verily, in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find rest”
[al-Ra’d 13:28]

“Whosoever does righteous good deed, it is for (the benefit of) his ownself; and whosoever does evil, it is against his ownself. And your Lord is not at all unjust to (His) slaves”[Fussilat 41:46]

u should be so happy that alhamdulillah Allah swt has guided u enough so that u recognise that all this feeling is wrong and u want to do someothing about it...sometimes Allah wants a slave to get closer to Him through his or her adversity.. u can channel all that hardship into bein the motive to spur u on to get closer to Allah swt... like that saying, take the lemon and turn it into lemonade, its up to u to make whatever situation ur in work to benefit u... see it as an oppurtunity to truly turn to Allah swt and do all that u can to please Him inshaAllah...

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Trials will continue to befall the believing man and woman, with regard to themselves, their children and their wealth, until they meet Allaah with no sin on them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2399; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2280.


And it was narrated that Jaabir said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “On the Day of Resurrection, when people who had suffered affliction are given their reward, those who were healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2402. See al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 2206.

no matter what this life aint gonna be easy, cos for a believer it isnt a place for ease if they want to attain paradise, as its hardship that surrounds paradise... each time u feel hurt from everything thats happening in ur life remind urself not to become too attached to this world and that ur nothing but a traveller in this life passing through to ur final abode, and every bit of pain u feel.. ur sins are being wiped away for it inshaAllah rewarding u with the best possible in the hereafter...

“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs are good, and this applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks, and that is good for him, and it something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.”
(Narrated by Muslim, 2999)

:inlove: Allah swt has been so merciful to us to the point where everything that has been decreed by Allah the Most Wise is for the best... and although sometimes we dont see it ...There is nothing like unto Him, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Seer. To Him belongs the keys of the heavens and the earth, He enlarges provision for whom He wills, and straitens (it for whom He wills). Verily! He is the All-Knowerof everything." (Ash-Shura 42:11-12)

Allah strengthens the believers with the word that is firmly established, both in the present life and in the Hereafter; and Allah lets the wrongdoers go astray. And Allah does what He wills. [14:27]

as long as u please Allah swt theres no way that u can lose...

“Whoever is mainly concerned about the Hereafter, Allaah will make him feel independent of others and will make him focused and content, and his worldly affairs will fall into place. But whoever is mainly concerned with this world, Allaah will make him feel in constant need of others and will make him distracted and unfocused, and he will get nothing of this world except what is decreed for him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2389; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6510).

we've got to try our hardest not to be fooled by the illusion of this life cos its the hereafter we're working for...

“And We shall remove from their breasts any (mutual) hatred or sense of injury (which they had, if at all, in the life of this world); rivers flowing under them, and they will say: ‘All the praises and thanks be to Allaah, Who has guided us to this, and never could we have found guidance, were it not that Allaah had guided us! Indeed, the Messengers of our Lord did come with the truth.’ And it will be cried out to them: ‘This is the Paradise which you have inherited for what you used to do’” [al-A’raaf 7:43] :love:

that moment u walk into paradise inshaAllah u'll forget any bad that ever happened to u but to get there we gotta work for it...

And if Allah touches you with harm, none can remove it but He, and if He touches you with good, then He is Able to do all things. [6:17]

“And your Lord said: “Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation)”[Ghaafir 40:60]

"When My servants asks you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the calls (da'wah) of every supplicant when he calls on Me: Let them also, with a will, listen to My call, and believe in Me, that they may walk in the right path." [al-Qur'an 2:186]

nows ur chance to take this and turn to Allah swt with every ounce of humility u have... Allah swt is there ALL the time waiting for u to turn to Him, to make dua to Him and He's there to answer all ur supplications... and it's only Him that has the power to change anything, so its Him u need to turn to...

“The du’aa’ of any one of you will be answered so long as he is not impatient and says, ‘I made du’aa’ but it was not answered.’” Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.

but be patient and dont be misled into believing that no good will come of it... as long as u stick to it and keep ur trust in Allah swt... it will be answered...

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Ahead of you there lie days of patience, during which being patient will be like grasping a hot coal. The one who does good deeds then will have a reward like that of fifty men who do such deeds. – And someone else added – They said: O Messenger of Allaah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood (4341); al-Tirmidhi (3085) and he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (494). In some reports of the hadeeth it says: “They are the ones who will revive my Sunnah and teach it to the people.”

bein patient is gonna be hard... even the prophet :saw: told us that... but just think of all the rewards ul be earning through being patient, even though it might upset u, just know that“Allah is with those who are patient” (Surah Baqarah 2:153) and “Those who are patient will be given their reward in full, beyond reckoning.” (Surah az-Zumar 39:10)

Peace be upon you, for your perseverance and patience. How great shall be your reward in the hereafter!” (Surah Ra’ad: 13:24) and for that patience inshaAllah ul earn paradise...“

through these trials we've got to learn to remain steadfast and hold onto the rope of Allah swt and try and seek refuge in Allah cos “Verily, Allaah is the All‑Provider, Owner of Power, the Most Strong” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:58]


and uve gotta keep ur hope and trust in Allah swt strong cos Allah swt said...

"I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself. And if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand's span, I draw near to him an arm's length. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed." (Hadist Qudsi: Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)

so if u start losin hope that Allah swt has abandoned you then what hope have u got? u've gotta believe that Allah swt Mercy surpasses everything and that if u do good and try to please Him He will never forsake you He said: Nay, verily! for lo! my Lord is with me. He will guide me. [26:62]

if u try as hard as u can to live ur life as Allah swt has commanded then how can u expect no good to come of it...its shaitaan that makes u feel that hopeless dead end feeling so that u give up doing the good u do cos u start feelin that nothin is gonna come as a result of it but... Is there any Reward for Good - other than Good? [55:60]
“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).
3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]

keep ur duty to Him and there is a way out... put ur trust in Him and He will suffice u...

And never give up hope of Allah's Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve. [12:87]

But they never lost heart for that which did befall them in Allah's Way, nor did they weaken nor degrade themselves [3:146]

Surely, Allah's Mercy is [ever] near unto the good-doers [7:56] :love:

[heaven2002]

i did my driving test many times before i passed sister so
keep on trying!
when u pass , you wont even remember how hard it was!
and inshallah once the kids start in september you can have time to urself and maybe even start a short course or attend a quran circle?
and meanwhile try and keep active, get into a habit of going for a daily walk etc, its hard at first but once you get into a routine it will be easier.
if you have a garden then sit out in the sun. you could try something new like painting or swimming?

reading ur posts im sure that this is something that will soon inshallah fade away for you, as your last post is positive:up:

[sunshine77]

Jazakalah Khair Heaven2002, Islamicgirl and Random for the lovely post with beautiful ayahs. They made me cry and have given me encouragement, Alhamdulillah. I pray to Allah that I can be strong and do what I know I need to do.

I am also taking a Vitamin B complex supplement, I was advised to take this by a friend.

At the moment I can see things so clearly, I am calm and relaxed, the children have gone to sleep, so i'm ok. I worry about what happens when the morning comes and the cycle starts all over again. The anger, the frustration, losing my temper, being upset and emotional all over again. I ask myself 'why should my children suffer? why can I not control myself and not take my anger out on them?'
This is the main thing upsetting me at the moment. I have been so upset sometimes I have smacked my kids when they have done something wrong, they seem to bounce back instantaneously but it hurts me more than it hurts them. It hurts knowing that I did something wrong, I dont know why I do it
as I know I dont want to do it, and that it won't help matters or make me feel better having done it. I have always been against smacking, I feel like such a bad mum too.

It's me. It's my anger and emotions. I have no control over myself, and even when I remember to say Auudhu bilahi min asshaitaan ir rajeem it's too late. Ive said it after I have lost my temper and this isnt good.

Sis, what you were saying about planning things...ive done this and the low afterwards is awful. After every high there is a low. We go on a holiday which I plan excitedly for weeks and once we're back i'm depressed again, more than I was before we went.
Having nice things to look forward to all the time does help, so im planning to maybe fill my diary with plans of meeting up with friends/doing nice things so I have something to look forward to each week...

[dhakiyya]

Salaams sis, the thing about your temper and emotions, do you have any safe way to get rid of pent up anger and frustration? I used to play ice hockey... but there are plenty of other ways. Even just buying yourself a punch bag and beating it up when you are upset, if necessary imagine its someone that has really upset you (politicians are no exception. if I had a punchbag I'd imagine it was George Bush. I hate blair just as much, but there is something that is intensely irritating about Bush.......)

With the driving test, I know how you feel. Maybe a change in instructor might help? Someone that inspires more confidence? or just a change so you can give yourself a fresh start with driving. I had a kind of mental block for driving tests, I'd get all :nervous: and then fail on some stupid mistake that I'd never have made in a lesson. Then mashaAllah mashaAllah!! the day of the test I passed, my instructor who used to be an examiner took me on one of the test routes that he knew they used at the centre during the pre-test lesson... and mashaAllah the examiner took me on the exact same route, even doing the exact same manoevers in the exact same places, the only difference I didn't have to do an emergency stop in the test, which I did do in the lesson so the test was actually easier than the lesson before it mashaAllah. I only made three minor faults mashaAllah :hidban: so make dua and dua and more dua, even if you think you can't do it mashaAllah Allah can make you do it. Also positive thinking helps, I said "I am a driver" "I drive cars" a lot in my mind when I was preparing for driving tests. Cause sometimes mental blocks come just because you think you can't do something, even though you can. But of course remember that all power is with Allah so make dua and more dua and more dua.

The thing about putting off going out and doing stuff like walking in the park - really resist this as strongly as you can. Inability to make yourself do stuff is a key symptom of depression, and making yourself do the stuff you are reluctant to do, even though you know you'll enjoy it if you did it, is an important step in healing yourself from it. I used to think of all kinds of reasons why I couldn't go out (having had an emergency caesarian didn't help either as I actually couldn't go out alone with a pushchair cause I wasn't able to push it uphill) - you just have to make yourself go anyway. Then go to that lovely forest you mentioned mashaAllah, or somewhere else green. Every morning. Make it part of your routine. It'll be good for the kids too, especially if you make them walk part or all of the way. Seriously, I can't emphasise enough how important this is, from personal experience. I even remember just sitting in the park each morning, rocking the pushchair, just looking at the sunlight on the grass, gradually feeling better, like it was blowing cobwebs out of my head.

I totally agree with you about the :wacko: surestart thing... its not just people in deprived areas that get depressed!! It'll be to do with funding :rolleyes:

As for non Muslims thinking that we are all oppressed... I have found (being a revert to Islam helps as I already know what non Muslims are like) that once you get chatting to most non Muslims, the stereotypes (if they had them) fall away and they treat you like anyone else. However a lot of non Muslims don't have such stereotypes anyway. In addition, I found from talking with the non Muslim women at the breastfeeding group I went to (I was the only Muslim) that one or two of them had pretty appalling husbands who were bone idle and refused to help them with anything, even when they were breastfeeding newborn babies round the clock and looking after older kids too. (so who's oppressed.......?) I told them that Muhammad :saw: helped his wives with things, and that Muslim men who are serious about following the example of the Prophet :saw: help around the house :up: Also, I told them and other non Muslims about how good my husband is with our daughter mashaAllah, and they all said how nice that is. (although I don;t think any of them thought I was oppressed after knowing me for a short time mashaAllah)

[sunshine77]

Salam Dhakiyya,

Jazakillah Khair for your kind reply. I am definitely going to try and make an effort to go out for more walks etc, I know my kids would love it :)

Im sure people don't see me as an oppressed woman, especially as my husband is an English revert too. I think it's probably all in my mind. I have never given anyone reason to think that way but I just think if I talked about being depressed, having problems etc then non-muslims would automatically think 'poor woman, it must be cos she's trapped in that religion' or something along those lines. I used to be fine talking to non Muslims, It's just that recently i've isolated myself more and more, especially from my non muslim friends.

At the moment I am in Cairo with my husband and children, we came here to study Arabic for six months and we're due to go home end of July. I have actually felt quite depressed here too, even though ive been busy studying most of the day. It's mainly due to not having friends and family around me, I think. We have enjoyed our time here Alhamdulillah, but I really thought in my mind that this experience was going to me a 'miracle cure' for my depression. I thought if I was busy with studying it would all go away. In many ways I have felt happier and more secure living here in an Islamic environment (well, not totally Islamic!) which is why I thought I would get better here.