Attention seeking/Jelousy

[Al-ghurabah]

Salam

how you guys deal with kids when they seek attention by doing naughty things. They want your attention but maybe you are busy with another kid or just other things..specially when they were alone before and got all the attention and now there is new baby who requires the attention and time

[`asiya]

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh, my son was a few months old when i became pregnant with the next one so he was still in nappies and drinking from a bottle and not yet speaking when his brother was born, its so important to make time for the older one too, and let them see that baby doesnt always come first. i used to try to treat them equally , so like one i would carry on my back, and the baby on my front when we went out, i would make sure if i was feeding the baby that my other son got to sit next to me and got a cuddle at the same time, so he never felt that baby was getting more attention because he wasnt.

you can even pick them both up together , baby on one arm, other one on the other arm ( my freinds 2 little girls love it when i do this with them) and also babies sleep a lot which gives mum a lot of time to spend with the older child doing things together playing and doing special things together, eldest child can also see it as a bonus becuase they get to do things with mum and dad that the baby cant ... take them swimming, playing in the park , boring baby is in the buggy half asleep while the older one gets to have all the fun with mum on the swings ;) helping with cooking meals, the cleaning, kid can still have loads of quality time with mum and dad if theres enough organisation in the hosue and the kids have a good routine insha Allah.

the main thing is just dont make the kid have to come to you for love and attention it should be given before it gets to the point that the child has to start acting up to get attention.

[dhakiyya]

Try to spend as much time as you can with the older sibling when the baby is asleep. Not just playing games but cuddling and stuff too. Cause they got lots of cuddles when they were a baby, but now the baby has lots of cuddles. Asiya's advice about cuddling them whilst feeding the baby is a good one. Older siblings can sometimes feel that now the baby is here they have to be the big brother/sister all the time and never be the little person any more, when maybe they are just two or three. They need time to be both, when they can be cuddled and babied, and also when they can be the good brother/sister. Getting them to help with the baby, e.g. fetch stuff whist you are changing nappies, makes them feel a part of the family, and a good big brother or sister.

[Al-ghurabah]

Allhamdulillah my older daughter is good she brings nappies clothes for new baby.. kisses her etc.. but i sometimes if the baby is crying andi want to carry her.. she will say no ndad carry me let mum carry the baby..
i spend alot of time with her. take her park, sisters house.. just outside shopping or anywhere..
but as she has eczema gets hard they both want their mother.. and gets hectic.. there is over 2 years diffrence in age between them..
sometimes afteri come home from work if im watching tv or reading paper shewill switch tv off or throw paper out.. i know she just wants some attention..
but alos sometimes throws tantrums not sure if its her age or attentio nseeking..
i try to give her time so does my wife..

[Medievalist]

Dont they call that tantrum bit the terrible twos?

Boy - if my kids acted like belt em one :torture:

[Al-ghurabah]

Dont they call that tantrum bit the terrible twos?

Boy - if my kids acted like belt em one :torture:

yeah guess so... she must have reached that age..

[`asiya]

Dont they call that tantrum bit the terrible twos?

Boy - if my kids acted like belt em one :torture:

akhi u cant belt a child of that age... subhanallah children only act out what they have seen if the child is throwing tantrums then they learnt that from an adult its always the parents and carers that are to blame, either not giving them enough attention, or having no boundaries and always giving into the childs demands and spoiling the kid. many parents cannot bring themselves to say no to their kids ( especially at this yong age) or if they do say no...then they dont follow it through and 10 minutes later they cave under pressure and.. it turns to a yes..which completely screws the kids head up cos they dont know wether they are coming or going and hence they start throwing themselves around and kicking off...

i have seen mothers in supermarkets ask their 3 and 4 year olds what do they want for dinner... how does a child know what is good for its dinner i mean who is the parent and who is the child there :smack:and then they wonder why they cant get the kid to listen to them, when the kid is thinking well hey why should i listen to you i can do what i like eat what i like, go to bed when i like, have a bath if i like, and if i act cute enough my parents will cave in and allow me to do what i want so they can have a quite life for half an hour... well thats all the parent will get is a spare half hour because the rest of the kids life is going to be a constant battle to get them to listen to u and do anything they say.


kids need clear boundaries and guidelines and if u have ( for example) a parent who kicks off when he/she doesnt get her own way, or the kid gets yelled at because mum or dad are having a tough day, or u have parents who just ignore theire kids till they start throwing things to get their attention, then its clearly no wonder that the kids play them up.

we teach children who to behave, how to react, and how to communicate and its very important from day one to lay down the rules... " i am the parent and u are the child and this is how its going to be..." and the parents should not be always changing their minds having a routine and clear discipline one day and not bothering the next because this gives the child mixed and confused messages about how consistant their behaviour should be. kids are a mirror of what they see around them from adults.

[dhakiyya]

Allhamdulillah my older daughter is good she brings nappies clothes for new baby.. kisses her etc.. but i sometimes if the baby is crying andi want to carry her.. she will say no ndad carry me let mum carry the baby..
i spend alot of time with her. take her park, sisters house.. just outside shopping or anywhere..
but as she has eczema gets hard they both want their mother.. and gets hectic.. there is over 2 years diffrence in age between them..
sometimes afteri come home from work if im watching tv or reading paper shewill switch tv off or throw paper out.. i know she just wants some attention..
but alos sometimes throws tantrums not sure if its her age or attentio nseeking..
i try to give her time so does my wife..

aww thats so lovely your daugher loves you so much mashaAllah :)

the switching off telly n throwing out your paper is her way of saying "daddy why are you watching TV/reading the paper when I want to be with you!" so feel loved :) Perhaps you could try to teach her that when you get in from work, you have daddy time, and then in half an hour (for example) its daddy-daughter time. Try to make a routine of it, that way she'll inshaAllah come to expect you to spends some time resting after work, then you'll play with her after. Alternatively you could do what my dad always did which is go straight to the bedroom and watch tv/chill out there, and then come and spend time with the family.

[Honey87]

My aunt has that problem with her lil 1s. one daughter just turned 2 and the other is 10month mashallah.

The 2yr old gets reli jealous when their dad holds the lil 1 so he tries to get the lil 1 involved. like if the lil 1 is crying, he'l pick her up and asks the 2year old to help him, or just kinda has her sit next to him and try get her to kiss lil 1. usually works as the 2yr old gets kinda distracted.

works most of the time but there are moments when theyre both screaming at the top of their lungs.

[Loobna]

I agree it is important to spend time with the older kid once the new little one comes along - also remember no matter how old the older one is, I mean if theres a big gap age gap bw them, the older one still needs attention - otherwise where you deal with tantrums at that little age, you open up a whole load of complex stuff when they're older :S

[Myzara]

Salam

how you guys deal with kids when they seek attention by doing naughty things. They want your attention but maybe you are busy with another kid or just other things..specially when they were alone before and got all the attention and now there is new baby who requires the attention and time

:salams

If there is a big difference (3 years or more), make the older one feel responsible for the younger one. Tell him/her you need to take care of the baby! They LOVE it! May Allah bless your little ones :up:

[-Yassar]

:salams

If there is a big difference (3 years or more), make the older one feel responsible for the younger one. Tell him/her you need to take care of the baby! They LOVE it! May Allah bless your little ones :up:

yea that works pretty well with my nephews. There's a five year difference between them and the older one takes good care of his brother masha'Allah...

[Te'oma]

:salams

If there is a big difference (3 years or more), make the older one feel responsible for the younger one. Tell him/her you need to take care of the baby! They LOVE it! May Allah bless your little ones :up:

That is exactly what I was going to suggest. As for the terrible twos, I am sorry but there isn't much that you can do to avoid this except do not give in to her tantrums. Instead take her and put her in her room and tell her that she can come out when she wants to act civilized. Do not respond with anger or frustration because any attention is better then none. When she does settle down(the first few times will be tough) take her out of her room and reward her for behaving finally. This way she will learn that negative behaviour will not get her anywhere that she wants to go but positive behaviour will be rewarded

[heaven2002]

Salam

how you guys deal with kids when they seek attention by doing naughty things. They want your attention but maybe you are busy with another kid or just other things..specially when they were alone before and got all the attention and now there is new baby who requires the attention and time

give lots of attention when the child is doing something good and positive and ignore him when hes doing bad- just walk away or turn ur face , unless hes going to injure himself, but when hes doing soemthing good then just lavish praise on him and he will then do more good things to gain attention and then after a while just good things even if hes not getting attention- u have to train them!!