Protecting your children from sickos - includes Parenting forum rules

[dhakiyya]

protecting your children from internet paedophiles

As a teacher, I have been on child protection courses that dealt with the issue of paedophiles, and although I knew of their existance, I was shocked at how devious and well organised some of them are. As such I feel it is necessary to warn parents about them, and also to lay down some simple rules on this forum to protect your children from internet paedophiles.

Remember that this part of the forum is public, there is no restriction on who can or can't sign up for an account and use the public sections of the forum.

Forum rules for child protection

1. No-one shall post any information that identifies a specific child, for example surname, address, which school they attend and similar. Posts containing such information will be deleted. Anyone deemed by the moderators to be deliberately trying to solicit such information shall be banned permanently.

2. We strongly recommended that you do not post pictures of children here. Some internet paedophiles steal pictures from websites, particularly of unclothed or partially clothed children. Therefore posting pictures of unclothed or partially clothed children is not allowed, and the pictures will be removed. We are sorry if this seems overly harsh, but we wish to protect all children from these evil disgusting predators. (also see note below on swimming pools and beaches)

For the purpose of this rule, fully clothed means at minimum knee lenght skirt/shorts and a short sleeved t-shirt, with no midriff showing. Also styles of dress imitating sexually alluring clothing of adults will not be allowed, regardless of how much they actually cover.

3. Any user found to be an adult posing as a child will be permanently banned and reported to the police.

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General information on protecting your children from paedophiles

1. Make sure you teach your children, in an age appropriate fashion, about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate behaviour from adults, e.g. in related to who touches them, sees them undressed etc. They should also know that adults should not expect them to keep secrets, especially about bad things that happen, or being "punished" for something or about "games". The NSPCC and other child protection agencies have books for dealing with this issue in a sensitive and age appropriate way for small children, and can offer comprehensive advice on these issues for parents of children of all ages.

2. On the internet: supervise your child's use of the internet, and make sure you child knows not to reveal any details about themselves, that they must not post pictures of themselves, that they should use a pseudonym, that they are aware that sometimes adults pretend to be children in order to hurt them or make them do horrible things, and that they should talk to you about anything they find, read or that is said to them that makes them feel uncomfortable, or that they know to be haram.

3. A trick of some paedophiles is to take pictures of children at the beach or at swimming pools, particularly in areas where children get changed, and then upload them onto the internet, using mobile phones. Report any suspicious behaviour to lifeguards, pool employees or the police as soon as you can, and remove your child(ren) from the area asap. Most swimming pool staff are aware of this problem and have taken steps to prevent it, like banning mobile phones.

4. Some of the worst paedophiles are very very well organised, and will spend months, even years "grooming" a child, and the child's family, winning their trust, with the aim of finally being left alone with the child, and terrifying the child into keeping quiet. Be aware of this fact. Do not leave your children with people who are not police checked (but remember if a paedophile hasn't been caught or convicted yet they will pass a police check) and also see point 1. about teaching your child about this issue, so that they are not terrified into silence, but will talk to you if something is done to them. Make sure that your child knows that in situations like this it is not the child's fault.

Please remember: Anyone can get an account here, and once they have one they can access this section. Photos can very easily be taken from this site, and potentially a paedo could be in here stealing photos, or reading posts to find information about children, and if they never made any posts no-one would know that they were doing anything. So whilst the vast majority of people would never dream of doing such a thing, it only takes one sicko to endanger all our children. Hence the rules.

[RaNdOm]

:salams

dont u fink its like well sad that in todays society nerly eeeeeeeeeeeeevryones a paed :( ... like some old fogie says some 3yr old girl looks pwetty in her dwess and PAED!!! PAED!!! :torture: what ever happended to good ol' nicesism :(

[ibn suleman]

subhan'allah

sum people are just sick in the head :(


May Allah protect all of our children - ameen

[dhakiyya]

:salams

dont u fink its like well sad that in todays society nerly eeeeeeeeeeeeevryones a paed :( ... like some old fogie says some 3yr old girl looks pwetty in her dwess and PAED!!! PAED!!! :torture: what ever happended to good ol' nicesism :(

yeah there is a hysteria about it, n people over react. Over 90% of allegations against teachers are found to have no basis in reality and a large proportion of those are malicious.

There are some sick sick sick people out there, and I can see why some people get paranoid, because it is a very real danger. However people should be rationally minded about it. The vast vast majority of people are not paedophiles and would never dream or hurting a child. Sometimes people forget that...

[Abu Mus'ab]

subhan'allah

sum people are just sick in the head :(


May Allah protect all of our children - ameen
Ameen.

[ibn suleman]

Question: What should Muslim parents do regarding teaching their small children about the dangers of sexual molestation? What is the Islamic ruling on discussing these things with our children?
http://www.islamtoday.net/english/show_detail_section.cfm?q_id=1162&main_cat_id=3

Answered by Sheikh `Abd al-Rahmân al-Jal`ûd, professor at King Sa`ûd University

It should be well-known to all of us that Islam is a comprehensive and complete religion that covers all aspects of life. It provides for us what is good for us.

This matter, though it is a delicate one, relates to the upbringing of our children. Teaching our children how to protect themselves from those who would do them harm has become increasingly important for many reasons:

1. The general weakness of morals and the lack of religious consciousness

2. The increased accessibility to media that incite lust and deviant behavior

3. The increased interconnectedness of the world and the rapid spread of news and information

4. The busy modern lifestyle that keeps parents and children apart for a considerable amount of time, which increases the chances for the children to be victimized.

For these reasons as well as many others, there has been an increase in cases of child molestation. It will require a wide range of solutions to prevent this. There is no simple solution to this problem. However, certainly one of these solutions is to teach our children to be more aware and more vigilant and to be able to recognize when someone wishes to do them harm.

Since you ask about the Islamic ruling on teaching our children about these dangers – which is a question of child rearing – we would say that the default ruling in Islamic Law is the ruling of permissibility unless specific evidence is found in the Law to prohibit it. There is certainly nothing in Islamic Law to prohibit parents from teaching children what they need to know to be safe. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was very concerned about children and their welfare.

In this matter, which is highly sensitive, parents need to assess their circumstances. All children are not the same. Their environments are not the same. They are not all subject to the same dangers.

A child who is very small and who is with one of his parents at all times is not in the same situation as a child who is a bit older, whose parents are working, and who has a driver take him to school. Parents need to consider what approach is in their particular child’s best interests.

A child who is very young and who might not understand things very well, and who is constantly under parental supervision, does not need to be exposed to concepts that will do him more harm than good – that might cause fear or lead to deviant behavior.

Parents need to use their good judgment and weigh the pros and cons of teaching their children about these things. They need to determine when and how to broach these sensitive topics with their children. Our purpose is to protect their children from harm. Sometimes, trying to avoid one danger, we might fall into another.

And Allah knows best.

[Billie]

jazak allah khair for this, vry interesting read

[dhakiyya]

Resources and information about protecting your children from sexual abuse, including on the internet.

All parents need to understand the reality of this issue, in order to protect our children. Some of the information may be shocking or even unbelievable, but it is the reality of what goes on.

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This link contains information about signs to look for to recognise that an adult is abusing a child, as well as other general information and signs in a child that they are being abused:

http://www.stopitnow.org.uk/ch_sex_abuse.htm#6

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This is the NSPCC leaflet on protecting children from sexual abuse:
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/helpandadvice/publications/leaflets/protecting_children_pdf_wdf36296.pdf

Please note: this is written generally for everyone not specifically for Muslims. Some of the advice needs to be added to - to include teaching children the Islamic rules on these matters which actually goes hand in hand with what they are advising - e.g. teaching children which parts of their bodies are private and keeping them private, teaching them what is and isn't appropriate behaviour, that they should have self respect for their bodies - so they recognise if someone is abusing them.

[lubnaa]

We need to understand that not only non Muslims are pedophiles.


Allahu Alam

[dhakiyya]

We need to understand that not only non Muslims are pedophiles.


Allahu Alam

Yes this is a very important point - although people who do certain sins are outside of Islam whist they are sinning, and some sins take you out of Islam altogether so I would want to check first if they actually count as Muslims if they are doing stuff like that - but in any case they would be a part of Muslim families and Muslim communities.

One of the most common misconception about paedophiles is that they are predators waiting in dark alleys to abuse children - in fact they are most often trusted family members and trusted community members who go to great efforts to win the trust of parents in order to gain access to their children. The articles from the NSPCC and Stop It Now have exellent information on what to look for and what to avoid, in order to protect your children.

Going back to your original point... parents need to ask that everyone that is involved with their children have had the appropriate police checks, in the UK it is law that this should happen anyway, so asking to see the disclosure certificates fromt he CRB should not be a problem. (this is what they're called in the UK, outside the UK you have to check what to ask for) - but at the same time bear in mind that the CRB system is not foolproof as its possible that particular paedophile has never been caught or arrested and so won't show up on the CRB check. So it is therefore very important to read the information from the NSPCC and Stop It Now so you know what to look for and sad to say it could even be a member of your own family that you need to watch out for. Also the information from those organisations is very good and based on research, so it shows real things to watch out for, not something ambiguous that could cause people to get the wrong end of the stick and start panicking or making false accusations.

[Medievalist]

suggestion: thread should be a sticky if it isn't already. :up:

[dhakiyya]

err... it already is a sticky lol

[Medievalist]

gud gud