Tawfiq Chaudry Pregnancy Talk

[.: Anna :.]

Any people who went can insha allah post their notes if they took some. I have taken some notes, I need to type them later. Baba also told me he has taken full types notes in the talk with his laptop so insha allah will add that up.. just wanted to make topic b4 I forget to do it.

[.: Anna :.]

Okay here is my notes:

Marriage

Marriage is from the fitrah of humans and the sunnah of the anbiya, there are 3 things which were commonly found in the sunnah of majority of the anbiya:
1. using perfume
2. getting married
3. having children

Rahbaniya (being a hermit/monk ie celebate without getting married) is not from Islam.

The Purpose of marriage is:
1. Shield from fitnah
2. means of having children

Having children is a need for individuals (ie if they dont do it, it harms them in some way eg they become sad without it) and necessity for society (for the continuation of life).

Guide for chosing marriage partner, should consider the following specifications:
1. religious / good heart
2. noble family and having respect for family
3. try to marry distant (ie not cousin if possible) because of genetic diseases, also so if divorce it doesnt break up your family
4. those who were not married before, to create a stronger attachment between the two but also should consider divorced to look after them and take responsibility
5. more loving and caring type people + more fertile (can be seen from family history)

Reminder: dont make family a means to drive away from Islam and be distracted from rememberance of Allah, rather they should be your backbone and support you in this.

Allah says in Quran:
O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Young marriage should be encouraged. In uk youngest legal is 16 or 18 so we should encourage marriage in that age.
We should discourage long engagements which lead to fitnah.

Promiscuity and children outside of wedlock

Zina is a major sin with specific hadd punishment, also if a child is produced from zina the punishment of the father is that the child will not be attributed to him.
Normally people try to do a quick marriage and cover up the crime, its not right to do like that. The Zani and the Zania are not allowed to get married except with a sincere tawba first. Even after this the child still cannot be attributed to the father, ie can not inherit from each other and can not have fathers sirname. Would have to be named after the mum eg:
Muhammad bin Aisha
Nevertheless the dad is still obliged in Islam and in uk law to pay child support. If this mum remarries even then the child will never go back to the custody of the biological dad. This is all because of the hadith:

"whoever hurries a thing before its time is forbidden from it."

The issue of condom usage programs in the community: should doctors encourage it?
It carries an allowment for promiscuity but the principle is of removing the greater harm with the lesser harm so he recommends should allow these programs/posters in addition to giving dawa.
Muslim community full of STD is a greater harm.

Issues of STD and marriage:
Can she seek a khula if married and discovered that he had an STD and did not tell her? yes and would not have to return her mahr in this case

Can we marry someone with an std? should we do health checks first? in many countries they have to have a full health check before the marriage. if some diseases are rampant in the community can be useful to make sure a carrier does not marry a carrier (refers to genetic disease) eg Thalasemia common in middle east.
Having a health check for std is permitted but doesnt necessarily recommend because asking for that can bread hatred

Preference of having boys over girls, cultural thing
Having children is a blessing, and is a virtue. We should ask Allah to bestow us with children. Muslim men are recommended to marry fertile women and to have large families, as rasoolallah :saw: said he will compete with the larger number of followers on yawm ul qiyama

Some communities are practising selective abortion (ie aborting girls) in India and china especially.

We are told in quran surah takweer about the jahil habit of burying the baby girls. Allah says and the buried alive baby girl will b asked for what crime was she killed? Normally the question is asked of the perpertrator "why did you kill?" not this way round, ash-showkani says this is to show that Allah is not ashamed of these female children.
Another ayah mentions about those who wen given news of female child their face sinks and becomes sad and disappointed - this is wrong.

The story about the wife of Imran, she offered what was in her womb to Allah thinking it is a boy. When she had a girl she was suprised but still Allah made great things from this girl, Maryam the mother of Isa alayhi salam. Maryam was placed under the sponsorship of prophet zakariyya alayhi salam and she was the one who made him realise the true nature of making dua and that Allah is the provider of anything. When zakariyya alayhi salam used to go to her place there would always be provisions of food. he would ask where is it from, maryam would always say from Allah. At that point (using the word hunaalika) zakariyya alayhi salam made dua asking Allah for offspring.

There is hadith that having 2 or 3 daughters raised til they are baligh is a shield from the fire.

Selectively chosing males also produces an imbalance and disproportion in society.

Fertility problems.
it can be caused sometimes by:
1. obesity
2. toxins in the body
3. std

there are also temporary and permanant problems.

Advices the following for temporary problems:

1. sabr
[note people pressuring the couple can also add psychological stress which doesnt help the problem]
2. people trying to have kids should:
a) do more istighfar
(as it leads to dua being answered + more rizq as is seen explained in surah nuh)
b.) dua

quickly mentioned the ettiquettes of dua:

1. in the best times
2. state of wudu & face qibla
3. sitting
4. attentive heart
5. start with praise of allah and salawat on rasoolallah :saw:

Advice for permanant problems:
1. patience
2. dua
3. acceptance
In Jannah everyone would be able to have children and the process of having the child is said to take 1 hour only.

Husband must support wife in situations of infertility. Often without finding the fact of the matter people blame the wife eg "divorce this wife and get another one"

IVF, test tube babies etc

In 1986 world fiqh council gave fatwa ivf is halal with some conditions:
It is permissable between husband and wife only. ie no donated eggs or sperms at all. It is not permissable to freeze sperm and later the wife uses the sperm of the dead husband.
Surrogacy is not allowed, it is not clear to whom that child would be attributed.
Extraction of sperm for ivf purposes by masturbation is not allowed because masturbation is haram. wife may assist 2 extract it and that would be halal method of extracting.
Sperm banks are haram and the harm is more than the good.
If more than 1 embryo is made in the ivf process the other spare ones would be left to die naturally.

Miscarriages
It is a test from Allah. The woman should have medical checks and have the womb cleaned out properly to prevent infection. If a woman has 3 miscarriages it can be serious medical problem and should get medical advice about this.

When is the life/soul blown into the womb?
classically the opinion is that it is 120 days.
heart starts to beat at 25 days
brain functions at 40 days
embryo completely formed at 56 days, after it is just maturing and growing bigger.

Ibn Hajar hadith of different stages of baby, says 40 days thumma 40 days thumma 40 days. Different narrations also view that this is not 40 days after each other but all within the 1st same 40 days.

brain stem death = medical death hence conversely he views brain stem life = life, and this is at 40 days.

Implications of this can be that miscarriage before 40 days is considered as defective bleeding not childbirth bleeding. The sister should make wudu before each salah and continue to pray. After 40 days miscarriage, the blood would be viewed as nifas (child birth blood) so do not pray or fast for 40 days.
Classical scholars view this as before and after 120 days, and the hanbali view is 80 days.

In event of miscarriage, woman will be very upset and emotional and it is qadr of Allah so do not blame her for the miscarriage.

What to do with this baby? if it is before 40 days there is no soul but still treat it honorably by burying as it was potential for life.
After 40 days it had a soul so give a name, do aqeeqa and pray over it.
there is a hadith that:
"every child is ransomed by his aqeeqa"
ie the child will not intercede for his parents without the aqeeqa.
this is a sacrifice of one animal for girl and 2 for boy.

Abortions:
90% of them are done before 90 days but with the opinion of life @ 40 days the soul would already be considered to have entered.

In the uk in 2003 there were 190,000 legal abortions performed + unknown amount of backstreet abortions.

Pregnancy most often not discovered by the woman til 25-30 days so following the view of 40 days... this leaves very little time before the soul actually enters

When is abortion allowed?
1. NOT allowed for cases of zina
2. NOT allowed for medical circumstances such as child having down syndrome
3. Rape - some scholars are giving a concession for abortion b4 the soul is blown in, because of the extreme situation and emotional distress for this sister.

Adoption
This means to take another child and make it your own child by everything, ie by inheritance, legally, giving your last name, removing contact from biological parents.
This is not allowed because Allah wants to preserve the connection with biological parents and it is not allowed to attribute your lineage to anything other than your real parents.

Fostering and Sponsoring
This is highly encouraged.
You can call him as "my son" and he can call "dad" out of mercy but not out of reality. There is a hadith where rasoolallah :saw: referred to Ibn Abbas as "ya bunayya" this means "my little son" also we see muslims refer to scholars and teacher sometimes as "my father" out of respect, but do not say legally or in reality that this is your child. If someone asked "is this your son?" you must say "no". Sirname may not be changed, also for women getting married must not change the sirname.
If the biological parents wish to take back their child, they have a right. However if they are unfit you could appeal with a qadhy and explain that they did not look after the child well and are not fit.
You can take from the child's money what is necessary to maintain the child but not more than that.

Breastfeeding to make the child a mahram:
If the child is under 2 years old this can be done by having 5 feeds from the foster mother. five feeds refers to sucking the milk and letting go, and the sucking and letting go five times. It doesnt have to be five times on five seperate days. It should not be done with expressed milk but the baby should feed from the breast itself. After this the child will be a mahram in the family, like siblings to the other children.

to be continued....(insha allah)

[.: Anna :.]

Birth control

there are two types, permanent or temporary. Permanent refers to tube ligation for women, this is not allowed except in exceptional extreme medical illnesses. for men it is the vasectomy and it is not allowed.

temporary refers to many things such as:
1. pill
2. iud
3. coil
4. nova ring
5. coitus interuptus
6. condoms

majority of scholars allow these for NON economic reasons, as Allah told in the quran that He provides for the children and the parents.

birth control is allowed for spacing children, recommended to have a break of 2 years between each child.
it is allowed for medical illness.
it is allowed for studying
it is allowed for newly married.

People are not allowed to get married saying they will never have any children as a condition of marriage. Hanbani madhab allows the sister to get married and place a limit on the number of children she is willing to have, the others dont allow this.

Pregnancy
It is a blessing. sometimes elders are seeing it as a taboo.

Signs of pregnancy:
1. morning sickness
2. lack of period
3. urine test (doing these pregnancy tests is halal)

sometimes in pregnancy the wife may be repulsed from the husband or may not act in a normal way. she will also be tired and can not always do everything. Husband must be accomodating and help with housework and be supportive.

cravings: sometimes pregnant wife will crave for things, he recommended husband to act mercifully towards this and stock up the cupboard with the items she craves.

Husband should overlook any moodiness and should spend less time outside the home with his friends in this time.

Some sisters may be depressed in pregnancy, they have to be patient.
Husband should take wife on outings and trips outside to help with any depression.

Pregnancy should not be a test but rather should be a bond of love. When seeing his wife pregnant a husband would realise how much they really love each other. also recommended is okay to have intercourse during pregnancy.

Islamically we have obligation to look after health, so the wife should take all required medicines eg folic acid, calcium, vitamin d (exposure to sun gives vitamin d, good to prevent rickets), vitamin c, and iron.
Dont over do it with suppliments try to get everything in a balanced diet.
Careful about maintaining blood pressure and also for gestastional diabetes you have to watch the diet, also be careful for anaemia.
Alcohol and smoking are haram anyway but also they do harm babies, and have to be careful from any passive smoking too it causes asthma and exema

Doctor check ups
try to see doctors in this order:
1. muslim woman
2. non muslim woman
3. muslim man
4. non muslim man

this is because concession increases as necessity and difficult increases.

maintain contact with your midwife and have all your vaccines especially for rubella.
some vaccines have haram ingredients but because it is vital for health, it will be okay to take as harm from rubella is huge. Either take rubella alone or the MMR vaccine.

Well woman test:
this refers to:
1. breast examination (1 in 7 woman are dying of breast cancer)
2. abdominal examination
3. pelvis examination
4. smear test
these should be done with muslim female specialist if possible. he urges to get it done, and recommends to bring a chaperone.

Pregnancy:
some women have difficulty with body image eg stretch marks, have to remain patient in this.
also make sure to stay positive and keep eemaan up. recommends go out for walks. this also helps for labour pains especially in the last part of pregnancy + pelvic exercises also help.

Increase amount of reading quran. It is good to put the hand and make dua this is sunnah.

If having difficult, it is okay to pray sitting or if can not do that then lying on the side. This is only a concession for where you have the difficulty, such as if difficulty is only in standing then dont use the chair for rukaw and sujood too.

If you cant do wudu then get husband or someone else to put the wudu on you.

to be continued insha allah

[dhakiyya]

When is the life/soul blown into the womb?


classically the opinion is that it is 120 days.


heart starts to beat at 25 days


brain functions at 40 days


embryo completely formed at 56 days, after it is just maturing and growing bigger.



Ibn Hajar hadith of different stages of baby, says 40 days thumma 40 days thumma 40 days. Different narrations also view that this is not 40 days after each other but all within the 1st same 40 days.



brain stem death = medical death hence conversely he views brain stem life = life, and this is at 40 days.



















MashaAllah this is fascinating :up:

Whilst I was pregnant I was finding out everything I could about embryology, so I could estimate how big and how developed my baby was mashaAllah, and I also looked in the Qur'an about the verses to do with embryo development.

InshaAllah I will comment on this in more detail in a day or so, but the verses in the QUr'an fit entirely with what goes on, finishing with the formation of muscles around the bones, which happens by 8 weeks gestation = 6 weeks since fertilisation = 42 days, and the Quran states that after this, the soul is blown into the baby. However the hadeeth I knew at the time was said to be 120 days, which is a huge gap between muscles growing over the bones and soul being blown in, much more likely that between 7 and 8 weeks when the muscles are starting to grow over the bones, that the soul is blown in during that week, therefore 40 days. I had also vaguely heard of 40 days being the time the soul was blown in but did not know the daleel for that, but 40 days fitted in exactly with the Qur'an's description of embryo development and the scientists description of embryo development. In addition, once the embryo is 6 weeks old (= 8 weeks of pregancy) that is when scientists start calling it a foetus.

In case anyone is confused about pregnancy dates, pregnancy is dated from the last menstrual period, which is two weeks before conception takes place, therefore a woman who is 12 weeks pregnant is carrying a foetus who is 10 weeks old. (and no-one is ever one week pregnant) This is of course because until recently doctors did not know exactly when pregnancy started, so the only reliable way of dating was from the last menstrual period.

It is also fascinating the way that the Qur'an describes embryo development. Those people who claim that Muhammad :saw:, who didnt' go to school, who never learned biology or medicine, could have made up the Quran, how do they explain how the Qur'an contains details that you would need modern equipment like microscopes, and post mortem dissection of human bodies, to be able to find out?

[.: Anna :.]

Fasting:
Majority say that breaking fast for pregnancy and breast feeding is like for a temporary sickness that the missed fasts need to be made up afterwards. Feeding one poor person is a weaker opinion.
If repeatedly pregnant and feeding, the missed fasts just stay on her backlog. If not, she should not delay making them up past the next ramadan unless she is still breast feeding.

Difficulty in praying:
in difficulty it is allowed to join prayers eg praying both maghrib and isha in either time together, but not to shorten. Shortening is only about travelling. This difficulty where you would join could be for example in the beginning of labour pains.

Talking to the baby:
it is good to train yourself and family members to talk to the baby beforehand as it eases the process of expecting a new family member. Also to feel the baby kicking.

Issue of finding out gender:
it is okay to find out as long as this information is not used in the wrong way eg for selective abortion.

Scan picture of the foetus:
It is okay as long as this is not glorified it can be kept as a souvenir

Genetic testing:
this is done to see if child has downs syndrome etc. Some tests are done by putting needle all the way through to amniotic fluid, this has a 1% risk of spontaneous abortion. Downs syndrome and such are more common in older mothers. Is the test allowed? because the risk is small it is not haram but it is up to the mother if she wants to take the risk, but remembering abortion is not allowed anyway.

Quality of life - Islam considers even mad people have a quality of life. Children with downs syndrome can have a good quality of life because of medical treatment and should not be denied life.

Labour pains:
Maryams words on this in surah maryam show this is painful and hard even for righteous people. Infact those with more eemaan may be tested more and so it will be more painful:
"you are tested by the level of your eemaan"
it means these people can earn a higher level in jannah through this as it expiates sins.

When to stop praying?
At the first sign of water breaking. This is considered as if the nifas has begun, count 40 days from here for the nifas.
When in labour before the waters have broken you still need to pray. If in severe difficult and unable to pray, she must make this up after the nifas is finished.

After birth:
Still Births or baby dying after birth:
When a small babys soul is taken away, Allah asks the angels "did you take the soul of my servants baby?" "did you take the coolness of his eye?" and the angel says "yes" and Allah asks "and what did he say?" if it is said that he thanked Allah for giving the blessing even for a small while, and remained patient in it, there will be built for them in Jannah a palace called the Palace of Hamd.

Premature babies:
Before the limit to be able to survive was 6 months, now some are surviving after only 5 months.
We must have patience.
Also remember examples like khalid b. walid was a small baby but became a great leader.

Disabled child:
there is a great reward in kindness and looking after them, and having patience.

Ettiquettes of birth:
should the husband be present? yes it is allowed and encouraged. He should learn from the difficulty and also give support.

Homebirths:
encouraged as it saves health care resources. also midwives are very qualified.
the issue of exposing awra to doctors coming in and out is simpler when you are in your own home. so this is recommended.

Difficulty of birth:
make a lot of dua while in labour pains. the difficulty of this has been referred as "difficulty upon difficulty" and so the things we do for our mother will never make up for this.

Recommended to do after the birth:
1. immediately put to the mums breast, or have a skin to skin contact between mum and baby. this calms them.
2. cleaning the blood and fluid from the baby especially the mouth
3. adhan in the right ear and iqama in the left ear, so that the child grows up between adhan and iqama always waiting for his next salah
4. give a date (esp ajwa one) or something sweet, chew it and take the sweet saliva onto the childs gums. This is soothing as every child is bitten by shaytan when it is born.
5. recommended to name the child on the 7th day or before.
6. shaving the head and paying the silver on the 7th day. slowly and carefully shave the head, do the whole head not just a part as that is qazr which is haram. that is like walking with one shoe is haram as it is unjust to the body. the one who is not unjust to his body should not be unjust to deal with creation. weigh the hair and give charity in silver.
7. aqeeqa also recommended for the 7th day

Naming the baby:
recommended to name after prophets or names like Abdurrahman and other Abd names. Not ones with filthy or bad connotations.

Aqeeqa:
sunnah but not in the hanafi madhab. Done with sheep meat. the bones should not be broken - just seperate the meat from the joints because aqeeqa is a ransom for the child. Give the meat in three parts, for self + family + poor people.

Nifas:
the max for this is 40 days, after which do ghusl then do wudu for each prayer if still bleeding.
In the first 40 days it is fine to stay at husbands home and sleep in same bed, nothing wrong with it. Also some people stay with their mum to have help with the baby, it is also allowed. It is not true that you can not leave the house.

Do not throw away the first breast milk, this is very important!
it contains very important things for the baby, it is different than the later breast milk.

Beware of:
taweez and amulets, and putting tikka on babies head to protect them. this is shirk. protect them by making dua and reciting surahs.
Rasoolallah :saw: used to make dua and blow on hasan and hussayn

Post natal depression:
not true that if you believe in Allah u can not be depressed, but remembering Allah will improve the depression. Husband should take the wife on holiday and outings to help. Also people are worried about body image but should not worry too much.

[.: Anna :.]

Some of the question and answers from the talk:


A child resulting from Zina, will have to wear hijab infront of the dad. he is not considered her mahram. Her mahrams could be maternal uncle, maternal grandma, her brothers etc
Foster child if not mahramised by breast feeding, after 7 start hijab with him and after 10 enforce it.
Pms - if having difficulty in that time husband could make excuses but there are no specific concessions for this.
Smear test, even if not suspecting any problems women should have it every 2 years or what is medically recommended (not necessary for virgin, this is for non virgin). Even though it is awra, it is for the sake of health and will be permissable.
Child custody in divorce: until age 7 the mother has full right to the child if she is not remarried. After 7 scholars differed, the child may choose. If she remarries more right goes to the father.
Child custody if mother dies in labour: baby can go to mothers family. It is said mothers mother is like a mother, and mothers sister is like a mother.
The recommended two year age gap doesnt include pregnancy but two years after the baby was delivered
Minimum to breastfeed: medically they say at least 1 year, islam it is 2 years but technically no minimum.
Disposing of the placenta: it is najis but was holding the baby, so can try to bury it. also okay to donate to medical research
Discovering zina: tell the person that you know what they are doing and warn them if they dont stop you would tell the one they are doing zina against.I didnt take notes for the rest of the questions

[ibn suleman]

:jkk: for the notes :up:

[Firdes]

Jazak'Allah for posting all your notes sis (being pregnant has made me totally dippy and forgetful, I forgot pen and paper!), it was indeed an informative talk and answered crucial questions for me masha'Allah.