View Full Version : Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?
Showkat
19-04-07, 02:36 PM
Salaams All
Interesting discussion taking place on this subject
http://www.7cgen.com/index.php?showtopic=10213&hl=
Honey87
19-04-07, 02:41 PM
some sisters prefer not to live with in laws because they want their own open private space and are not confined to just their bedroom.
Majority of the time, sisters who do not live with their in laws tend to have a better relationship with them because there's a chance of less tension, lack of privacy and overall over-crowdedness. However, some sisters prefer living with in laws.
Well...because sometimes its not just the inlaws she ends up living with, but her husbands brothers and other family mmebers.
Talk about overcrowding.
Al-ghurabah
19-04-07, 02:49 PM
intresting topic
It's interesting how not wanting to live with in laws gives rise to accusations of "You say that cos' you're influenced by Western culture" when in fact in Islam, there is no expectation for a woman to live with in laws nor is she expected to look after her in laws. In Islam, looking after frail parents is the responsibility of the son or daughter, not the daughter in law (although the daughter in law or even son in law should support their spouse's efforts in looking after parents). When a man says he expects his wife to live with his parents, someone should ask him "Do you say that cos' you're influenced by Eastern (eg Hindu) culture?".
Masumah
19-04-07, 03:59 PM
i HATE greedy INLAWS!!!!!!!! :torture:
While I don't necessarily agree with the concept of a woman being made to live with her in-laws, the subject of a son taking care of his parents begs the question:
If a son is expected to take care of his elderly parents, and his wife refuses to live with them, how should he be able to take care of them both? He either forces his wife to live with him and his parents, or he abandons his parents. And I don't just want the answer, "Well, he should get a place with his wife near his parents.", because it should be painfully obvious that not everyone has the money to just go out and buy a new house because their wife doesn't want to live with his parents. Also, what if there aren't any places near his parents? What if the only reasonably priced place he can find it on the other side of town? Is the husband expected to work all day, then drive over to his parents house on one side of town, check up on them, and then drive home to his own place on the other side of town?
i HATE greedy INLAWS!!!!!!!! :torture:
:(
Asma_Here
19-04-07, 04:44 PM
Yeah well.. sometimes insecurities and the need for the survival of the fittest turns out to be among families aswell..
.: Anna :.
19-04-07, 05:43 PM
we already had so many topics about this on this forum aswell...
but anyway those who have a problem with this should also realise that scholars of islam also advise it is better to live seperately if it is possible, and if the husband has means to provide seperate but he doesn't, and she wants to live seperate... this is something wrong
Ruprecht
19-04-07, 06:04 PM
Well... personally I started getting along with my family a whole lot better once I stopped living with them... let alone inlaws!
Some people just need more personal space (I'd be happy with a planet :D ).
perfectpearl
19-04-07, 06:28 PM
Well some in-laws just dont stop bothering the sisters! They just accuse her of so many things like she cant cook, she dont this, she cant do that and so on. They just give her a hard time so preferable its better to be away for them! Even if my future in-laws were the sweetest people, i still wouldn't live with them becuase of my privacy!
ur_yusra
19-04-07, 06:32 PM
Privacy
Privacy
Privacy
Privacy
Privacy
...and erm.. yeh privacy :rolleyes:
Chained_Water
19-04-07, 06:38 PM
Oh look, it's the 10,352nd topic on living with the in laws..
Tahiyah
19-04-07, 06:42 PM
While I don't necessarily agree with the concept of a woman being made to live with her in-laws, the subject of a son taking care of his parents begs the question:
If a son is expected to take care of his elderly parents, and his wife refuses to live with them, how should he be able to take care of them both? He either forces his wife to live with him and his parents, or he abandons his parents. And I don't just want the answer, "Well, he should get a place with his wife near his parents.", because it should be painfully obvious that not everyone has the money to just go out and buy a new house because their wife doesn't want to live with his parents. Also, what if there aren't any places near his parents? What if the only reasonably priced place he can find it on the other side of town? Is the husband expected to work all day, then drive over to his parents house on one side of town, check up on them, and then drive home to his own place on the other side of town?
he is rewarded, inshaa Allah, for caring for his parents. he should not automatically expect his wife to care for them or want to live with them, however, communication is the important thing here. if he discusses with her how important this is to him, i am sure there will be some sort of compromise, inshaa Allah
just dont ever force a sister to live where she doesnt want to, she will resent you for it eventually. she will become depressed and bitter because you didnt care about her needs. there is always ways to work things out so both husband, wife, and parents can be happy. just talks things out and make sure everyone is saying what they really mean and not just saying what they think others want to hear.
if a wife/mom is unhappy, then the rest of the house will be unhappy too. i dont know why its naturally expected of women to make sacrifices, their happiness is very important too. a happy wife, inshaa Allah, has no problem being obedient to her husband.
Al-Irhaab
19-04-07, 07:14 PM
its cus they been influenced by the west :outta:
ok im only kidding :D
JiHaDiYa
19-04-07, 08:20 PM
we already had so many topics about this on this forum aswell...
but anyway those who have a problem with this should also realise that scholars of islam also advise it is better to live seperately if it is possible, and if the husband has means to provide seperate but he doesn't, and she wants to live seperate... this is something wrong
Ukhti why would this be advisable for the wife and husband to live seperate, when its best to live with someone so that you are not living alone in your house?
.: Anna :.
19-04-07, 08:23 PM
i dnt mean seperate from each other :smack:
no like in their own place... husband + wife + their kids... not with inlaws or parents, because of ppl needing their own space, and like 2 wives in one kitchen, it causes conflict etc as the ulema realised n said its better 2 avoid, and also suggested that practise of living with inlaws without need is from hinduism no real basis in islam :S
hmm..maybe becasue of the conflicts that may arise sometimes its seems better to live seperately from the in-laws...but u kinda gotta see it from their point of veiw..
When i become a mother-in-law..if i live upto that age (inshallah!)..lol..id like my son's family to live with me..you kinda live upto that age for your grandchildren etc...
and plus from a daughter-in-laws point of view..it might not be necessary that you live with your in-laws but its certainly very rewarding looking after them...and also i think its unfair to make the husband choose between his parents needs and his wife's...surely you can come to a compromise?...
heaven2002
19-04-07, 08:35 PM
While I don't necessarily agree with the concept of a woman being made to live with her in-laws, the subject of a son taking care of his parents begs the question:
If a son is expected to take care of his elderly parents, and his wife refuses to live with them, how should he be able to take care of them both? He either forces his wife to live with him and his parents, or he abandons his parents. And I don't just want the answer, "Well, he should get a place with his wife near his parents.", because it should be painfully obvious that not everyone has the money to just go out and buy a new house because their wife doesn't want to live with his parents. Also, what if there aren't any places near his parents? What if the only reasonably priced place he can find it on the other side of town? Is the husband expected to work all day, then drive over to his parents house on one side of town, check up on them, and then drive home to his own place on the other side of town?
a guy in this situation shud marry someone who doesnt mind living with in laws or near them, he shud make it clear from the start before nikah
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