View Full Version : How lonely can you be?
I dont think this has been discussed before, not even on probably the most popular section on this forum.
If you couldn't find anyone "suitable" to share your life with, or were unhappy in a marriage, would you consider being on your own forever?
I'm interviewing someone lately and a quote by them is "I'd rather be alone than be unhappily married", which I agree with personally.
So does this ever enter your mind? If you couldn't find anyone, and for whatever reason - this troubled you, would you pretty much accept the bare minimal requirements of a proposal by a spouse, and disregard your preferences - just so you could be married and not lonely anymore?
heaven2002
15-04-07, 09:02 PM
what u describe is very personal to me
ive had to make very hard choices
and yes it better to be single and lonely then it is to be married and deeply unhappy as that is more lonlier
:(
what u describe is very personal to me
ive had to make very hard choices
and yes it better to be single and lonely then it is to be married and deeply unhappy as that is more lonlier
:(
I'm sorry to hear that sis.
I dont think this has been discussed before, not even on probably the most popular section on this forum.
If you couldn't find anyone "suitable" to share your life with, or were unhappy in a marriage, would you consider being on your own forever?
I'm interviewing someone lately and a quote by them is "I'd rather be alone than be unhappily married", which I agree with personally.
So does this ever enter your mind? If you couldn't find anyone, and for whatever reason - this troubled you, would you pretty much accept the bare minimal requirements of a proposal by a spouse, and disregard your preferences - just so you could be married and not lonely anymore?
i always think about this, and its funny cos the last 2 weeks i been thinking of starting the exact thread on thsi topic :p
After alot of thought, all i kept coming back to was:
Allah swt knows wat is best for me,
if Allah swt wills that i dont stay alone for the rest of my life then all i ask him daily , is to grant me sabr and make it easy for me ameen.
Or if Allah SWT decides that i should be in a unhappy marriage for the rest of my life, then i ask him to make it easy for me and grant me sabr ameen.
I could nevr decide between the 2, both are as bad as each other.
dont want to be too negative either :p
Ya know i always confuse you two with each other :scratch:
heaven2002
15-04-07, 09:12 PM
let me explain what i meant
as i dont think both are as bad as each other
being in a deeply unhappy marriage is much worse, trust me
because u r lonlier in that situation then if u are alone and single
ur life is in someone elses hands, as are ur emotions, feelings, reactions
whereas if u r alone and single atleast u can control how u feel, even though u may be lonely
Ya know i always confuse you two with each other :scratch:
who what why when?
who what why when?
You and MG are similar
how shes more mature poster than me @)
her avvy n my avvy..tottaaallly contradict..bint n mg just dont sound the same.
explain uself:p
:salams
this marriage business can be so confusin sometimes :torture:
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
but i can imagine what it would be like to be married to someone that so doesnt get u, u'd feel suffocated and trapped... but then no 2 people are ever gonna completely understand each other, and like maybe as time goes on people can learn about each other, but i think what really matters if theres someone that really truly cares... but i dno.... sometimes i think that Allah might want me to not get married... but then the thoughts get too depressin lol :D
heaven2002
15-04-07, 09:21 PM
yes if you marry someone caring thats good
but imagine if u got married and then felt the loneist u have ever felt
there are marriages like that
lol random ure making me go all depressed now :rotfl:
ibn suleman
15-04-07, 09:22 PM
man was not created to be alone...
theres someone for everyone..ur just not looking hard enough..
how do u know ur gonna be unhappy in a marriage....
how do u know u wont find anyone...
how can say u will spend forever alone...when u dont know what tomorrow will bring..
ermm..just random comments :o
yes if you marry someone caring thats good
but imagine if u got married and then felt the loneist u have ever felt
there are marriages like that
:salams
yeh... but may Allah swt protect us all from that Ameen
lol random ure making me go all depressed now :rotfl:
:salams
enit, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, all we need is trust in Allah and alls good inshaAllah :D :hidban: :D :hidban: :D
.: Anna :.
15-04-07, 09:29 PM
we should trust Allah swt that he would provide us with a good spouse... even if some have to wait some years to find that person. if we sincerely make dua sooo much, insha allah it would be responded and allah would bestow us with the spouse we needed... it is said that dua can have an effect on qadr so we should make use of this, dua is a great tool for us all :up:
settling for just anyone rather than being alone... its "risky" in itself because you could do this, and then soon after u would have got a proposal of someone really suitable for you. but if the first person is good in deen and a good husband material, then accept not always waiting for some "dream person" but if its not a good proposal like hes not bothered in deen, lazy, moody/aggressive or something... why not just reject it, and ask Allah swt to bring u someone better, have tawakkul insha allah Allah wont leave u alone for ever
heaven2002
15-04-07, 09:30 PM
dear random
sometimes when u r down u may feel 'oh why am i not married yet?' etc, but think to urself that its just beacuse u havent met that person who is right for u yet
never ever get married because u feel ur getting older , left on the shelf, everyone else is getting wed, ur bored with life
get married when u find the right caring person
let me explain what i meant
as i dont think both are as bad as each other
being in a deeply unhappy marriage is much worse, trust me
because u r lonlier in that situation then if u are alone and single
ur life is in someone elses hands, as are ur emotions, feelings, reactions
whereas if u r alone and single atleast u can control how u feel, even though u may be lonely
sis i disagree, wen u are alone, u are not always in control of your emotions and feelings, yes they are in our hands only but this does not mean we can control them all the time, jus like wen your in a bad marriage. In a bad marriage u still have choices , wen your actually lonely u have no choice cos r are i.e. tryign to find the right one for u but having no success or suffer more hardships becos u are jus by yourself and hav to do the whole hog as an individual.
Tru sista
15-04-07, 09:34 PM
what u describe is very personal to me
ive had to make very hard choices
and yes it better to be single and lonely then it is to be married and deeply unhappy as that is more lonlier
:(
i know how you feel and i definately agree.
its harder being in a loveless marriage than being on your own, atleast then youve made the choice of being on your own an dface the consequences rather than keeping someone else unhappy too.
this topic is making me too :(
lets all :D and pretend everythings okay :D
lets all :D and pretend everythings okay :D
No such thing lav! :rolleyes: unfortunately.. many actually do! :rubeyes:
Surah Talaq Ayah 3 :love:
And He provides for him from where he does not reckon. And whoever puts trust in Allah, so Allah is sufficient for him. Surely Allah will accomplish His purpose. And Allah has set a measure for all things
The following is an excerpt of commentary on this ayah, from Tafsir Ibn Kathir:
Whoever has Taqwa of Allah in what He has commanded and avoids what He has forbidden, then Allah will make a way out for him from every difficulty and will provide for him from resources he never anticipated or thought about... Allah will execute His decisions and judgement that He made for him, in whatever way He wills and chooses
I wouldn't get married just for the sake of getting married and having a spouse, you got to find the right person, how could you just marry someone ur not completely happy with and live a hard life? what's the point in that? I mean why would you choose to have a hard life unless ur being forced to do so?
Once you get married to someone its not easy to get out of it, remember divorce is the last resort to a marriage, it is the most disliked halal so you can't just jump to it once there's something ur not happy with, a lot of thought needs to go in it and ofcourse there's a lot of cultural baggage aswell with divorce. So my point is find someone right and someone ur happy with and someone who fits in with the islamic criteria and only then marry them, better to be single (before getting married) than marrying then divorcing and being single.
Allah know's best
Wassalam
:salams
the future is scary...
but u gotta have trust :D n i trust inshaAllah ma husb gonna be like uber cool inshaAllah :banbear:
TenaciousSis
15-04-07, 10:59 PM
I would rather be "alone". LOL...I can't ever really be alone I have two little boys. I have to lock myself in the bathroom or hide in the closet to get alone time!
When I was married, before I was Muslim, I spent years alone because my ex-husband spent most of our marriage in and out of jail. When he was out he was a horrible husband and father. All that made me an angry, bitter and resentful person for a good while. I would rather be single than go though that pain or be that person again.
I have been divorced for over a year and I get lonely and miss being married sometimes. I would rather be married but I am willing to wait until the almost-close-to-kinda-right person comes along, Inshallah.
:1smile:
Unique Muslimah
15-04-07, 11:07 PM
Hmm..
LOL..(I hope there is some-one out there for me in this big wide world insha'Allah)..But I would rather be alone than be with some loser,no point being with someone if you're just hating it and it's making you miserable..
I would rather be "alone". LOL...I can't ever really be alone I have two little boys. I have to lock myself in the bathroom or hide in the closet to get alone time!
When I was married, before I was Muslim, I spent years alone because my ex-husband spent most of our marriage in and out of jail. When he was out he was a horrible husband and father. All that made me an angry, bitter and resentful person for a good while. I would rather be single than go though that pain or be that person again.
I have been divorced for over a year and I get lonely and miss being married sometimes. I would rather be married but I am willing to wait until the almost-close-to-kinda-right person comes along, Inshallah.
:1smile:
:salams
lol mashaAllah, i pray that u find an amazin husband that'll always keep ya happy sis ameen :D :D :D but mashaAllah must be well cool havin 2 kids mashaAllah lol
Hmm..
LOL..(I hope there is some-one out there for me in this big wide world insha'Allah)..But I would rather be alone than be with some loser,no point being with someone if you're just hating it and it's making you miserable..
:salams
lol enit... sometimes i start thinkn like 6billion people in the world, even less muslim, even less live in uk, even less around my age, even less gonna match me, even less that aint already found somone...
all these even lesses make u even lessed...
but gotta keep trust n hope inshaAllah :hidban: :hidban: :hidban: :hidban: :D
lately, it's been more of i'd-rather-be-lonely stage
mum tells me off whenever i talk of being a single-ton, says mum > too much of faltoo time's ruining your brain > :crying:
but there are somethings you just can't ignore..hmm..
in the end...inshaAllah it'll work out for me and other brothers and sisters as well :up:
Unique Muslimah
15-04-07, 11:28 PM
lol enit... sometimes i start thinkn like 6billion people in the world, even less muslim, even less live in uk, even less around my age, even less gonna match me, even less that aint already found somone...
all these even lesses make u even lessed...
Tellin' me.:(.Insha'Allah Insha'Allah
May Allah swt give us what is best for us in the dunya and aakhirah and lubly jubly hubbies:coolbro:.Aameen.
Tellin' me.:(.Insha'Allah Insha'Allah
May Allah swt give us what is best for us in the dunya and aakhirah and lubly jubly hubbies:coolbro:.Aameen.
:salams
lol Ameen :D :D :D trust trust trust (just keep repeatin it over lol)
kamalysalma
15-04-07, 11:41 PM
let me explain what i meant
as i dont think both are as bad as each other
being in a deeply unhappy marriage is much worse, trust me
because u r lonlier in that situation then if u are alone and single
ur life is in someone elses hands, as are ur emotions, feelings, reactions
whereas if u r alone and single atleast u can control how u feel, even though u may be lonely
So true. when you're married you expect a little happiness and when you don't get that from your spouse then it makes you feel worse, knowing that you're married and unhappy is so much worse than being single but happy with a little loneliness, atleast then you know you gotta do without it....hmm am i making sense???
lately, it's been more of i'd-rather-be-lonely stage
mum tells me off whenever i talk of being a single-ton, says mum > too much of faltoo time's ruining your brain > :crying:
but there are somethings you just can't ignore..hmm..
in the end...inshaAllah it'll work out for me and other brothers and sisters as well :up:
:jkk: may Allah reward you with a Pious Husband whom he and you are well pleased...:D
Loneliness is the human condition.
We come into this world alone, and we leave it alone.
Any young person considering marriage should, before all else, learn to overcome loneliness.
If you think about marriage in terms of how marriage will satisfy your needs, you're not yet mature enough for marriage.
Marriage isn't about what you are able to get from marriage, it's about what you are able to give.
Loneliness is the human condition.
We come into this world alone, and we leave it alone.
Any young person considering marriage should, before all else, learn to overcome loneliness.
If you think about marriage in terms of how marriage will satisfy your needs, you're not yet mature enough for marriage.
Marriage isn't about what you are able to get from marriage, it's about what you are able to give.
yeah get married as soon as you can support a family, :D
loneliness is instantly overcome...:D
it's both, it's a joint relationship...
thats why you'd call em other halfs, don't hear anyone saying 3/4 to a 1/4...:scratch: :D
thats why you'd call em other halfs, don't hear anyone saying 3/4 to a 1/4...:scratch: :D
salaam
well, a man could say 1/4 cuz he'd still be allowed to marry 3 more :hidban:
salaam
well, a man could say 1/4 cuz he'd still be allowed to marry 3 more :hidban:
lol! if he did that he'd be a 1/5 and the sisters be 4/5, oh well...:D
:jkk:
lol! if he did that he'd be a 1/5 and the sisters be 4/5, oh well...:D
:jkk:
salaam
... wah??? :scratch: :eek3: :confused:
"It is better to sit alone than in company with the bad; and it is better still to sit with the good than alone. It is better to speak to a seeker of knowledge than to remain silent; but silence is better than idle words." (Bukhari)
stephenoskie
16-04-07, 09:13 AM
id find some one that is simalair but to be honest im not looking for a type id find some one that i click with and have good qualities like that :D
Inshallah :D
Asma_Here
16-04-07, 09:18 AM
I'd rather be alone.. Ofcourse, nothing like marrying and settling down.. ut there would still be better things for me to do with my life.. As Allah Wills..
Loneliness is the human condition.
We come into this world alone, and we leave it alone.
Any young person considering marriage should, before all else, learn to overcome loneliness.
If you think about marriage in terms of how marriage will satisfy your needs, you're not yet mature enough for marriage.
Marriage isn't about what you are able to get from marriage, it's about what you are able to give.
To be honest, you need to be able to enjoy your own company. So you can BEAR being alone. Because you can't always have someone there all the time, and its rather clingy I might add and not a good way to be.
I would far rather be alone than to be in a bad marriage for sure 100% its a complete mental torture to be in a bad marriage and u feel more alone than u would divorced because u have no refuge from this person, not even your home is your refuge anymore.
Anyway thinking about it being alone has many benefits u get loads of time to read, learn,sleep when u like,get up in the small hours, do what u like when u like without disturbing or worrying about anyone else :) Its no big deal being without people but then i have spent most of my life like that from a very young age, so maybe im more used to using my time alone constructively and i dont crave having people around me all the time.
i dont worry about what the future holds Allah only knows i may not even live to see this afternoon so why worry about wether i will be alone for the rest of my life or not only Allah knows.
i don't think people should refuse to get married due to the odd chance they may be unhappy.
it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all!
What if you feel you won't get that love in a marriage?
To be honest, you need to be able to enjoy your own company. So you can BEAR being alone. Because you can't always have someone there all the time, and its rather clingy I might add and not a good way to be.
EXCELLENT POINTS.
By learning to be self-sufficient, you approach marriage from a point of, "What can I give to my marriage."
As for Raziel's point about Muslims marrying young, I've said this before on this forum:
Young does not mean immature.
A young person can gain maturity, but, like all valuable things, it takes seriousness and hard work.
Oh, and, once again about the "loneliness" problem:
If you aren't satisfying company for yourself, then how do you expect to be satisfying company for someone else?
All you Muslims would do well to listen carefully to your sister 'Asiya, who seems entirely self-sufficient with her deen and her own interests and thoughts. It's what we adults call a "whole person." And a "whole person" is someone who has a great deal to offer a marriage partner, not to mention children.
Ruprecht
16-04-07, 12:30 PM
EXCELLENT POINTS.
By learning to be self-sufficient, you approach marriage from a point of, "What can I give to my marriage."
As for Raziel's point about Muslims marrying young, I've said this before on this forum:
Young does not mean immature.
A young person can gain maturity, but, like all valuable things, it takes seriousness and hard work.
Oh, and, once again about the "loneliness" problem:
If you aren't satisfying company for yourself, then how do you expect to be satisfying company for someone else?
All you Muslims would do well to listen carefully to your sister 'Asiya, who seems entirely self-sufficient with her deen and her own interests and thoughts. It's what we adults call a "whole person." And a "whole person" is someone who has a great deal to offer a marriage partner, not to mention children.
Do you think it's possible to be too self sufficient? :D
Do you think it's possible to be too self sufficient? :D
Possibly.
It might become problematic when in a relationship you're not used to having someone helping you or you aren't used to consulting someone etc.
junaidb
16-04-07, 12:48 PM
its all abt giving and taking......if u follow the deen in its entirety u wudnt have any of this problems......
just they way i think.....but mostly u have to come to a compromise.......
and if you do it solely for the pleasure of Allah then thats another chapter...lol
so i guess u have to separate urself from selfishness
learn more peoples skills
:coolbro:
To completely trust in God is to be like a child who knows deeply
That even if he does not call for the mother
The mother is totally aware of his condition
And is looking after him
Al-Ghazzali
Abu Mus'ab
16-04-07, 03:15 PM
:salams
lol enit... sometimes i start thinkn like 6billion people in the world, even less muslim, even less live in uk, even less around my age, even less gonna match me, even less that aint already found somone...
all these even lesses make u even lessed...
but gotta keep trust n hope inshaAllah :hidban: :hidban: :hidban: :hidban: :D
That sounds very familiar, just like what the voices told me *Roll Eyes*
Abu Mus'ab
16-04-07, 03:20 PM
Loneliness is the human condition.
We come into this world alone, and we leave it alone.
Any young person considering marriage should, before all else, learn to overcome loneliness.
If you think about marriage in terms of how marriage will satisfy your needs, you're not yet mature enough for marriage.
Marriage isn't about what you are able to get from marriage, it's about what you are able to give.
The peanut speaks sense.
Tranquillity
16-04-07, 04:19 PM
A future spouse should enhance you, not define you. It is too much of a burden on anyone to feel that they are responsible entirely for your happiness/ unhappiness. A lot of people, sadly, are lonely after marriage. Learn to enjoy your own company- stimulate your mind, go for long peaceful walks, make yourself laugh. People who look lonely and depressed are not attractive!
Yes, it's difficult, but may Allah make it easy for us to have sabr. Ameen.
Peacenik
16-04-07, 05:41 PM
make yourself laugh.
I was going to, but then the thought of being institutionalised made me change my mind.
Tranquillity
16-04-07, 05:57 PM
I was going to, but then the thought of being institutionalised made me change my mind.
Fair enough!
But I'd rather be a loony than be lonely!
outlandish
16-04-07, 06:01 PM
assalamulaikom
Yes I do think that being lonely is better than just getting married for the sake of getting married and not be lonely anymore. If your not happy in that marriage I think u would be much harder for you.
But trust me I used to say I dont wish to get married ever and rather be alone for the rest of my live, but when the right person does come along its like the most beautifull thing God has created and u feel very lucky and blessed:)
Peacenik
16-04-07, 06:05 PM
Fair enough!
But I'd rather be a loony than be lonely!
Lol :D
Very good ;)
EXCELLENT POINTS.
By learning to be self-sufficient, you approach marriage from a point of, "What can I give to my marriage."
As for Raziel's point about Muslims marrying young, I've said this before on this forum:
Young does not mean immature.
A young person can gain maturity, but, like all valuable things, it takes seriousness and hard work.
Oh, and, once again about the "loneliness" problem:
If you aren't satisfying company for yourself, then how do you expect to be satisfying company for someone else?
All you Muslims would do well to listen carefully to your sister 'Asiya, who seems entirely self-sufficient with her deen and her own interests and thoughts. It's what we adults call a "whole person." And a "whole person" is someone who has a great deal to offer a marriage partner, not to mention children.
Your Correct there, I meant late teens/20's etc...:D
Insha'ala most people are not Immature at that age, although some people are immature even at old age...
but it's better to get married as soon you can support a family etc...
don't tell me 'with Age comes Wisdom...' :D
Not always though...:rolleyes:
Raziel
The peanut speaks sense.
actually I think he's too big for a Peanut, more like a Cashew Nut...:D
:jkk:
salaam
... wah??? :scratch: :eek3: :confused:
:D
ehum...5 people...
1 Brother, 4 Wives...
1/5 = 20% = Husband
4/5 = 80% = Wives
:rotfl:
Peacenik
16-04-07, 06:31 PM
although some people are immature even at old age...
Yeah, those pensioners are a right pain - especially when they refuse to get off the swings at the local park.
Yeah, those pensioners are a right pain - especially when they refuse to get off the swings at the local park.
lol! Used to swing myself around a lot a few years back...:D
:jkk:
heaven2002
16-04-07, 06:49 PM
sis i disagree, wen u are alone, u are not always in control of your emotions and feelings, yes they are in our hands only but this does not mean we can control them all the time, jus like wen your in a bad marriage. In a bad marriage u still have choices , wen your actually lonely u have no choice cos r are i.e. tryign to find the right one for u but having no success or suffer more hardships becos u are jus by yourself and hav to do the whole hog as an individual.
but when ur lonely in a marriage its much harder then being lonely when ur single, as u still have to do the whole 'hog' urself without support
heaven2002
16-04-07, 06:53 PM
Loneliness is the human condition.
We come into this world alone, and we leave it alone.
Any young person considering marriage should, before all else, learn to overcome loneliness.
If you think about marriage in terms of how marriage will satisfy your needs, you're not yet mature enough for marriage.
Marriage isn't about what you are able to get from marriage, it's about what you are able to give.
isnt it about give and take?
Peacenik
16-04-07, 06:53 PM
isnt it about give and take?
Are you talking about armed robbery ?
heaven2002
16-04-07, 06:55 PM
I would far rather be alone than to be in a bad marriage for sure 100% its a complete mental torture to be in a bad marriage and u feel more alone than u would divorced because u have no refuge from this person, not even your home is your refuge anymore.
.
i totally agree
heaven2002
16-04-07, 06:56 PM
Are you talking about armed robbery ?
no man
me not violent
:D
Abu Baraa
16-04-07, 08:24 PM
Id rather be better off by myself than have an unhappy married life.
*Muhammad*
17-04-07, 06:01 AM
and yes it better to be single and lonely then it is to be married and deeply unhappy as that is more lonlier
:(
:(
muslimah85
18-04-07, 07:15 AM
such a depressing topic :(, yet so true...
.: Anna :.
18-04-07, 01:07 PM
Are we ever truly alone?
no...
It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.
if we remember this then we will never be truly truly alone..
no...
It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.
if we remember this then we will never be truly truly alone..
Thank you :D
Thats what I was trying to get people to think.
If you are never truly alone, then why the fear of ending up "alone"? Allah (swt) does that which is best for us, so if no companionship for a certain period of time occurs then it is better for us, and if it is a permanent state, then that is also better for us :love:
Ye of little faith.... (http://ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=121192&page=3) :meow:
To completely trust in God is to be like a child who knows deeply
That even if he does not call for the mother
The mother is totally aware of his condition
And is looking after him
Al-Ghazzali
.: Anna :.
18-04-07, 01:57 PM
ooh that quote of imam ghazali masha allah really nice :love:
jazakallah khayr for including that :D
Abu Baraa
18-04-07, 08:21 PM
I have noticed something about not getting married early if one does not put he/herself in check u might develop a sort of detachment from wanting to get married and u start to make little or no efforts to get married. A few brothers told me they have this feeling but alhamdulilaah there fighting it by Allaah's will.
I have noticed something about not getting married early if one does not put he/herself in check u might develop a sort of detachment from wanting to get married and u start to make little or no efforts to get married. A few brothers told me they have this feeling but alhamdulilaah there fighting it by Allaah's will.
:salams
yeh...we were just talkin about this today, i dont wanna get too independant before i get married inshaAllah, and if im older i think i might have like got set in ma own views but when ur younger you can still be moulded into sumt :hidban: :hidban: :hidban: ...yeh :D
I am beginning to think mebbe i'm destined to be alone... :(
I am beginning to think mebbe i'm destined to be alone... :(
aww dont say that ukhti, only Allah knows what the future holds, Alhamdulillah. keep making duaa and be happy with what Allah decrees for us, and remember nothing in Islam to stop u looking for a husband, get in touch with a good imam or a trusted sisters husband could be ur walli insha Allah and they can find a good husband for u insha Allah.
As the hadith says: a man once came to the masjid and left his camel untied outside, he said that he trusted in Allah ( that his camel would not run away) so the prophet SalAllahu alleyhi wa salam said "tie your camel and trust in Allah"
so we have to take steps too ukhti, we have to show were willing, and we leave the rest to Allah :)
may Allah ta ala assist u in marrying a kind and pious muslim amin
*Muhammad*
19-04-07, 10:54 AM
I am beginning to think mebbe i'm destined to be alone... :(
:( .....
I am beginning to think mebbe i'm destined to be alone... :(
:( .....
:salams
u cant think like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even though its SO SO SO easy to find yourself goin down that route n happens to me sometimes... but then i start thinking its cos i'm not placing enough hope and trust in Allah swt so u gta be :hidban: :D :hidban: :D :hidban:
ok...
:hidban: :D :hidban: :D :hidban:
Al-ghurabah
19-04-07, 11:46 AM
who said being single is being lonely anyway????
Thank you :D
Thats what I was trying to get people to think.
If you are never truly alone, then why the fear of ending up "alone"? Allah (swt) does that which is best for us, so if no companionship for a certain period of time occurs then it is better for us, and if it is a permanent state, then that is also better for us :love:
Ye of little faith.... (http://ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=121192&page=3) :meow:
^
Reminder to everyone here :D
ya... some people are meant to be alone... when they think they have to get married... is being alone a choice?
Oh my gosh !! Oh my gosh!! I don't ever want to be lonely!! That is too depressing.... I'm 21 and I'm worried already... :nervous:
But Allah swt knows what is best..
Oh my gosh !! Oh my gosh!! I don't ever want to be lonely!! That is too depressing.... I'm 21 and I'm worried already... :nervous:
But Allah swt knows what is best..
Worried for :scratch:
I feel lonely some time when I missed some close friends..:there: :crying2:
Speaking for myself i would def. prefer being lonely to being in a loveless and unhappy marriage the reasons being thus: To me "Lonely" means being on my own, "unhappy marriage" means being stuck in room that has no doors. If your afraid of being lonely thats bcoz your insecure and dont have confidence to take on the world on your own, this is bad. Low self esteem can be the cause of may many thingz inc depression. Now at least you have the option of changing all this, wheras if you were in an "unhappy marriage" thingz wouldnt be as simple, i think you guyz know where im going wiv this so i'll leave it for now, elaborate later if need be!
Mmm im not saying you shouldnt take the risk and not go into matrimony, u should but think about it carefully. I just saw this post in the Anon. forum by sum 1 called 78.. sumthing cant remeber but anyway take look, if you know your gonna be sad and unhappy dont do it!!
If i couldnt marry someone i could be happy with and make them happy id probably not marry as id be ruinin dere life too.
[B]
Worried for :scratch:
Well I meant lonely as in terms of finding a husband....
I have my friends..not much though...but the idea of never finding a good husband...and being lonely...:(
Well I meant lonely as in terms of finding a husband....
I have my friends..not much though...but the idea of never finding a good husband...and being lonely...:(
:salams
trust :D n even if it dont come true... lets think about it... how many years we actually got left in this place? but trust trust trust inshaAllah :nuts: :hidban: :D :hidban: :D :hidban: :D :hidban: :D :hidban: :D :hidban: :D :hidban: :D :hidban: :nuts:
Ibn Khattab
06-05-07, 03:47 PM
If i couldnt marry someone i could be happy with and make them happy id probably not marry as id be ruinin dere life too.
but akhee ull ruin your wifes life whoever it may be so please jus stay single inshallah and have sum pity for our sisters :up:
but akhee ull ruin your wifes life whoever it may be so please jus stay single inshallah and have sum pity for our sisters :up::up: good thing i aint getting married den
Ibn Khattab
06-05-07, 04:07 PM
:up: good thing i aint getting married den
the womenfolk will be happy to knw :p
the womenfolk will be happy to knw :p
:up: all da best
urban_rose
06-05-07, 04:09 PM
but akhee ull ruin your wifes life whoever it may be so please jus stay single inshallah and have sum pity for our sisters :up:
:D i think you should follow your own advice too :up:
the womenfolk will be happy to knw :p
:salams
dont be too mean...theres some girls that are lookin for someone they can laff at out there :rolleyes:
may Allah bless Omar with the bestest wife for him Ameen :D
:salams
dont be too mean...theres some girls that are lookin for someone they can laff at out there :rolleyes:
may Allah bless Omar with the bestest wife for him Ameen :D
:wswrwb:
Laugh with, u mean, u paki :torture:
Ameen to the dua if I ever decide to get married :rolleyes:
:D i think you should follow your own advice too :up:
Nah mashaAllah that brothers mashaAllah very good looking if theres any sisters out there jus let me know i'll send his number he is currently searching for a wife.
Ibn Khattab
06-05-07, 04:19 PM
:D i think you should follow your own advice too :up:
psht i dont ruin peoples lives alhamdulilah.:rolleyes:
:salams
dont be too mean...theres some girls that are lookin for someone they can laff at out there :rolleyes:
may Allah bless Omar with the bestest wife for him Ameen :D
lool hed be good at laffin at :D
Nah mashaAllah that brothers mashaAllah very good looking if theres any sisters out there jus let me know i'll send his number he is currently searching for a wife.
i thought you sed u wasnt getting married. akhee please dnt i feel sorry for your wife man :( we cnt be cruel to our sisters now can we:(
i thought you sed u wasnt getting married. akhee please dnt i feel sorry for your wife man :( we cnt be cruel to our sisters now can we:(
lol im not. That offer was for you init :) im plugging ur case like u wanted :up: stop acting so fiqh sheikh
Ibn Khattab
06-05-07, 04:21 PM
lol im not. That offer was for you init :) im plugging ur case like u wanted :up: stop acting so fiqh sheikh
looooool akhee i feel sorry for you :(
:wswrwb:
Laugh with, u mean, u paki :torture:
Ameen to the dua if I ever decide to get married :rolleyes:
:salams
lol u sucha woman :D
:salams
lol u sucha woman :D
:wswrwb:
I got better things todo :D Like for sake of Allah nd tht :up:
looooool akhee i feel sorry for you :(
U shouldnt :up: Im jus a servent of Allah and whateva he wills im pleased with :up:
:wswrwb:
I got better things todo :D Like for sake of Allah nd tht :up:
:salams
lol u mean like 'play football over seas' n tht :rolleyes:
:salams
lol u mean like 'play football over seas' n tht :rolleyes:
:wswrwb:
:up: summin along dem lines loll
Abu Mus'ab
06-05-07, 05:13 PM
:wswrwb:
Laugh with, u mean, u paki :torture:
Ameen to the dua if I ever decide to get married :rolleyes:
You're getting married period, and i don't want to hear you say otherwise :torture:
You're getting married period, and i don't want to hear you say otherwise :torture:
Well get use to it coz i aint :up:
sunrise
06-05-07, 05:21 PM
Well get use to it coz i aint :up:
what?? i swear i remember a thread of yours not to long ago saying your on ummah.com to get married like lol
don't worry everyone well most people build up an 'anti-mushy' barrier and proclaim you'll never marry until your blue in the face...and viola it happens when you least expect it not even realising you let you guard down:D
what?? i swear i remember a thread of yours not to long ago saying your on ummah.com to get married like lol
don't worry everyone well most people build up an 'anti-mushy' barrier and proclaim you'll never marry until your blue in the face...and viola it happens when you least expect it not even realising you let you guard down:D
tht thread was a joke lol :torture:
sunrise
06-05-07, 05:27 PM
tht thread was a joke lol :torture:
really?? i didn't get that impression..okies my bad
But it's sunnah 2get married and trust you'd be missing out, not that i know but i've heard lol:up: go4 it inshAllah
Abu Mus'ab
06-05-07, 05:29 PM
Well get use to it coz i aint :up:
That's my line *Roll Eyes*
Black_Flag
06-05-07, 05:29 PM
loool...leave da bro be...jst leave it 2 da qadr of allah..
Abu Mus'ab
06-05-07, 05:31 PM
really?? i didn't get that impression..okies my bad
But it's sunnah 2get married and trust you'd be missing out, not that i know but i've heard lol:up: go4 it inshAllah
Yeah it was a joke, and he said it later on in the thread too.
sunrise
06-05-07, 05:33 PM
Yeah it was a joke, and he said it later on in the thread too.
yeah didn't ahve time 2 read like 10 pages plus but ok thanx 4 clearning it up:up:
LOL Wow this is sooo funny..... ok my advice 4 all:
4:
Omar,
" After reading all that, yeps me founds out lol uz is looking 4 a wife all that denial and all!!!!
AbuMus'ab,
" Dear everyones useing ur lines get over it inc me!!!" *Rolleyes*
Sunrise,
" lol sooooo right sum of these threads go on 4ever "!!!!
Ibn Khattab,
Mmm dunno what to say 2 ya sooo..... Salaam!!!! LOL
Right now i can leave *Rolleyes*
P.S just ignore me im in one of my weird moods!!
Black_Flag
06-05-07, 06:23 PM
hahhaha..sis ur too funny! mashallah
Meh, u think im funny? Wow i never knew my dry sense of humour was good 4 anything thanx 4 da thumbs up!!! LOL
Black_Flag
06-05-07, 06:35 PM
any time :D
Wait, mmmm so whose gettin married to who then? I want an invite!!! Feeling hungry u c!!!!
Black_Flag
06-05-07, 06:44 PM
i dont think any1s gettin married here at present..loool..u can come round mine 2 eat sis!
My 10 years of marriage ended last year, and I have been alone since then.
The marriage was hell, but being alone is not so nice either.
Of course, there are many women who would like to marry me, but I am hesitant.
I am hesitant because, I am afraid of getting involved in another marriage that would end in disaster.
My 10 years of marriage ended last year, and I have been alone since then.
The marriage was hell, but being alone is not so nice either.
Of course, there are many women who would like to marry me, but I am hesitant.
I am hesitant because, I am afraid of getting involved in another marriage that would end in disaster.
Mmmm i can see why your hesitant, infact any normal person in ur situation would, but you have been out of matrimony for a while and probs knowz how it feelz what you have to now decide on is wheather staying this way is better or is getting married again worth the risk.
My 10 years of marriage ended last year, and I have been alone since then.
The marriage was hell, but being alone is not so nice either.
Of course, there are many women who would like to marry me, but I am hesitant.
I am hesitant because, I am afraid of getting involved in another marriage that would end in disaster.
:salams
Whatever has befallen you was not meant to escape you, and whatever has escaped you was not meant to befall you...
No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but it is inscribed in the Book of Decrees-before We bring it into existence.
[Surah Al-Hadid – Ayah 22].
Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us.
[Surah At-Taubah – Ayah 51.]
have faith, hope and trust in Allah swt, you're encouraged to get married so we should try to inshaAllah
sunrise
07-05-07, 06:40 PM
My 10 years of marriage ended last year, and I have been alone since then.
The marriage was hell, but being alone is not so nice either.
Of course, there are many women who would like to marry me, but I am hesitant.
I am hesitant because, I am afraid of getting involved in another marriage that would end in disaster.
i am very sad to hear that brother
May Allah (swt) grant you someone better and give u sakinah inshAllah
Maybe u can advise the non-married folk inshAllah??
Silver Pearl
07-05-07, 06:43 PM
:salams
It would depend how old I was, if I was 40 then I'd be fine being 'lonely', probably do something productive and help the community and take up orphan kids and raise them. If I was 20 then, as the say: Beggars can't be choosers, lol. I'm not in that situation so I wouldn't really know...
ur_yusra
07-05-07, 09:46 PM
The world would would be a better place without them.
The world would would be a better place without them.
:salams
what people? ...yeh i agree homo sapiens just suck :torture:
Black_Flag
11-05-07, 10:19 AM
totally sis!
insomniac
11-05-07, 10:30 AM
man was not created to be alone...
theres someone for everyone..ur just not looking hard enough..
how do u know ur gonna be unhappy in a marriage....
how do u know u wont find anyone...
how can say u will spend forever alone...when u dont know what tomorrow will bring..
ermm..just random comments :o
Insha'Allaah
Agreed :up:
:salams
It would depend how old I was, if I was 40 then I'd be fine being 'lonely', probably do something productive and help the community and take up orphan kids and raise them. If I was 20 then, as the say: Beggars can't be choosers, lol. I'm not in that situation so I wouldn't really know...
wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh..but how are u going to do that if ur not married how u gonna feed those kids and look after them..just cos ur 40 doesnt mean u can travel alone..or work with men etc.. doesnt matter what age u are 20, 30, 40 or 50 the needs are the same.
ummbilal
12-05-07, 10:05 AM
I wouldnt want to be single at any age and wouldnt expect anyone to be happy single no matter what their age, inshaallah you will all be blessed with good spouses.
oh dear god why bump up such a depressing thread :crying2:
.: Rashid :.
20-07-07, 06:20 PM
oh dear god why bump up such a depressing thread :crying2:
*knows why*
BTW Kal I don't think the point of this thread is the same i.e. what the poll illustrates but I'll reply in the other thread insha'Allah
-Rashid
:rubeyes:Kal y on Allahz earth did u bump this? loooooool me waz very new 2 ummah when i posted on this! :hidban:
Abu Mus'ab
20-07-07, 07:03 PM
*knows why*
BTW Kal I don't think the point of this thread is the same i.e. what the poll illustrates but I'll reply in the other thread insha'Allah
-Rashid
i know why too :outta:
i know why too :outta:
why? :scratch:
Peacenik
20-07-07, 07:07 PM
I think I have a feeling too... ;)
:rolleyes: any1 gonna let me into the big secret?:p
It's not what you sisters think. Believe me.
Abu Mus'ab
20-07-07, 07:16 PM
why? :scratch:
Who wants to know? :rubeyes:
It's not what you sisters think. Believe me.
:smack: now u just confirmed it 4 me, sumthingz up, u aint even gonna tell me? :(
Who wants to know? :rubeyes:
*cough*
Who wants to know? :rubeyes:
:torture: Dont drag it on Mr Kitty
Peacenik
20-07-07, 07:59 PM
:rofl1:
Abu Mus'ab
20-07-07, 08:29 PM
:torture: Dont drag it on Mr Kitty
I didn't say owt............yet, but i can change my mind you know *Roll Eyes*
Abu Mus'ab
20-07-07, 08:31 PM
*cough*
veeeeeeeeeeell if you must know then ask Kal.
afrasayab
20-07-07, 11:55 PM
Oh man, so many lonely souls here. Lets all sing togather 'Lonely, I am so lonely....'.
Let us all pray for each other.
Maureen
21-07-07, 12:03 AM
There could be nothing more lonely than being in an unloved marriage. Best in that circumstance to be alone. There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely
There could be nothing more lonely than being in an unloved marriage. Best in that circumstance to be alone. There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely
true that :up:
Saeed Al-Muslim
21-07-07, 01:04 AM
I've just read the whole thread.
If you couldn't find anyone "suitable" to share your life with, or were unhappy in a marriage, would you consider being on your own forever?I have no qualms of being alone for the rest of my days. Right now I am at a point in my life were I feel content, and that is very rare for me. For the first time in my life I have a sense of direction, and I know exactly what route I would like for my life to be headed in the next 10-15 years. Insha’Allah. I would like to meet all or at least most of my personal goals and aspirations before I even consider marriage. But I know that is not the nature of life, so I’ll just have to take things as they come.
Kal tell me!~~~~ :torture:
Unicorn
21-07-07, 06:48 PM
sometimes u can be so lonely that u wanna go wild and dance around like a complete fool till u get so dizzy that u fall over and crack ur head
na loneliness sucks :( i dont want it no more sniff
krystal~sky
21-07-07, 07:04 PM
Loneliness is the human condition.
Marriage isn't about what you are able to get from marriage, it's about what you are able to give.
I disagree, marriage is give and take.
Abandoned-Mind
21-07-07, 07:17 PM
I disagree, marriage is give and take.
I agree.
muslim_sis
22-07-07, 09:52 AM
whys everyone all depressed at the moment , well not everyone, a lot of people...maybe its sumin in the air :rolleyes: (and its not love i dont think lol).
whys everyone all depressed at the moment , well not everyone, a lot of people...maybe its sumin in the air :rolleyes: (and its not love i dont think lol).
thats why i avoid this thread most of the time cos its so darn depressing!
thats why i avoid this thread most of the time cos its so darn depressing!
lol :D yeh i'm strtin 2 thnk tht 2 lol
Lambo5688
22-07-07, 11:20 AM
this thread is depressing?
this thread is depressing?
lol - yeh - bt otha threads 2in ths section - it's makin me realise tht marrig aint all flowrs n roses :o - hw i lyk 2 imagin it...so..in a way it's gud (bt slightly depressin)... lol
Abu Mus'ab
22-07-07, 11:44 AM
this thread is depressing?
I wouldn't know, getting depressed aint something that i do *Roll Eyes*
Lambo5688
22-07-07, 11:47 AM
lol - yeh - bt otha threads 2in ths section - it's makin me realise tht marrig aint all flowrs n roses :o - hw i lyk 2 imagin it...so..in a way it's gud (bt slightly depressin)... lol
Depends on how you look at it.
I wouldn't know, getting depressed aint something that i do *Roll Eyes*
Ofcourse you don't. We all know your on the highest dose for Zoloft. :D
Abu Mus'ab
22-07-07, 02:23 PM
Depends on how you look at it.
Ofcourse you don't. We all know your on the highest dose for Zoloft. :D
:asta: you take drugs? :nono:
insomniac
22-07-07, 10:46 PM
take a chill pill & ....
have a read here insha'Allaah (http://ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=124847)
:up:
Lambo5688
22-07-07, 10:48 PM
:asta: you take drugs? :nono:
:smack: Why would I take drugs? Read my post again.
:smack: Why would I take drugs? Read my post again.
Read.
Lambo5688
25-07-07, 02:04 AM
Read.
Congratulations.
Khadija222333
25-07-07, 02:08 AM
Edit.
Yep, this is definitely a depressing thread. :S
Congratulations.
:hidban: it made sense 2!!!!!
Yep, this is definitely a depressing thread. :S
:smack: nah it wernt u just md it despressing! :torture:
:hidban: it made sense 2!!!!!
:smack: nah it wernt u just md it despressing! :torture:
Naaaah, I'm full of joyyyy! :blobblue::1peace::meow:
Naaaah, I'm full of joyyyy! :blobblue::1peace::meow:
:rubeyes: wow cumming 4rm u thats so utterly........................belivabale!
Abu Mus'ab
25-07-07, 01:47 PM
Yep, this is definitely a depressing thread. :S
Then am i glad i aint a human *Roll Eyes*
Treasured Soul
26-07-07, 12:18 PM
man was not created to be alone...
theres someone for everyone..ur just not looking hard enough..
how do u know ur gonna be unhappy in a marriage....
how do u know u wont find anyone...
how can say u will spend forever alone...when u dont know what tomorrow will bring..
ermm..just random comments :o
All valid points!!
But having said all that ... women, particulalry ones that have kids need to keep thier options open or should i say keep an open mind that they may never remarry when thinking about leaving her husband.
Individuals need to consider all the factors, consider all the pros/cons and make a decision accordingly.
Sometimes its hard cuz we dont know what the future holds and we get scared. Also, big changes as such can be quite detrimental not only to the couple but their kids and family (esp. if u married within the family!). Best thing is just to have faith and ask Allah (swt) to give u patience and direct u on the right path.
All valid points!!
But having said all that ... women, particulalry ones that have kids need to keep thier options open or should i say keep an open mind that they may never remarry when thinking about leaving her husband.
Individuals need to consider all the factors, consider all the pros/cons and make a decision accordingly.
no woman would consider divorcing her husband without very valid reasons, i think its unfair to hold that threat over a womans head, i have heard this before... an extremely abusive violent husband saying to his wife, if u divorce me no one will ever marry u because u have kids, or u are too old.. audu billah shame on such men, and shame on the men of this ummah who do not rush to marry such sisters who have been abused and ill treated and who are left alone with children to raise, the way of the sahaba was that they rushed to marry such women as soon as their iddah was over, as they knew that Allah ta ala has said " men are the maintainers and protectors of women" so the brothers should be doing their job, there is not one muslim woman who should be fending for herself, when she has muslim brothers living in her area.. :nono:
no woman would consider divorcing her husband without very valid reasons, i think its unfair to hold that threat over a womans head, i have heard this before... an extremely abusive violent husband saying to his wife, if u divorce me no one will ever marry u because u have kids, or u are too old.. audu billah shame on such men, and shame on the men of this ummah who do not rush to marry such sisters who have been abused and ill treated and who are left alone with children to raise, the way of the sahaba was that they rushed to marry such women as soon as their iddah was over, as they knew that Allah ta ala has said " men are the maintainers and protectors of women" so the brothers should be doing their job, there is not one muslim woman who should be fending for herself, when she has muslim brothers living in her area.. :nono:
i make u right sis,mashallah at your post
islam..~*^rules
26-07-07, 03:05 PM
THIS IS ALL VERY DEPRESSING
hw lonely can u be?
verylonely
and thaT MAKES U depressed and dnt wana get marid coz all i c r bad argumentative marriages and unhappy couples coz the men are nuisance!
that just completely puts u offf!
mez surrounded by matchmakrs and wedaholics
also dnt wannna get mrried as only mr rong came knockin on my door wen i didnt wanna mari
nw i do
cnt find no1
dats lonely
Treasured Soul
26-07-07, 03:20 PM
^^ Keep faith, pary and make dua. Al-mighty has better plans for u!! It always turns out for the best.
no woman would consider divorcing her husband without very valid reasons, i think its unfair to hold that threat over a womans head, i have heard this before... an extremely abusive violent husband saying to his wife, if u divorce me no one will ever marry u because u have kids, or u are too old.. audu billah shame on such men, and shame on the men of this ummah who do not rush to marry such sisters who have been abused and ill treated and who are left alone with children to raise, the way of the sahaba was that they rushed to marry such women as soon as their iddah was over, as they knew that Allah ta ala has said " men are the maintainers and protectors of women" so the brothers should be doing their job, there is not one muslim woman who should be fending for herself, when she has muslim brothers living in her area.. :nono:
With all due respect sister, in no way am i implying women should remain with abusive husbands nor do they opt out of relatioships without valid reasons!!! I'm the first to tell sisters to seek help in one form or another before divorce. My own sister is in such a relationship ... but she remains so because of her sons ... not because she fancies being abused or the fact that she's scared she may be lonely after marriage ... those are the least of her problems.
She has three teenage sons, masha-allah and she worries the seperation/divorce may affect them in a negative manner.
Like I said in my earlier post, each individual needs to make the right decisions depending his/her circumstances. I myself would never put up with such abuse but she knows the circumstances of her sons better than I do. All i can is offer help, emotional support, minimise the abuse through intervention, etc.
With regards to muslim brothers marrying divorce sisters, Im sorry to say not many men think like that. Unfortunately we dont live in the time of the sahabas ... in todays day and age, not many men marry more than 1 woman and that too has to be a virgin. Even guys that divorce and remarry, their second wife are are not divorcees ... only in extreme cases a man marry a divorcee particularly if he is 'old' himself.
Its not a nice world but thats how it is and we need to think about the issues at hand and act accordingly!
All Im saying is that we need to think realistically ... if u have 5 kds and 40 what are the odds of u finding a husband? You should be prepared to live on ur own and being 'alone'. If the woman finds a husband, great!! but if she doesnt, she needs to be able to live with the consequences. And before u jump all over me, i agree sometimes being 'alone' is better than being in a relationship ur not happy with and being even more lonely and unhappy.
With all due respect sister, in no way am i implying women should remain with abusive husbands!!! I'm the first to tell sisters to seek help. My own sister is in such a relationship ... but she remains so because of her sons ... not because she fancies being abused or the fact that she's scared she may be lonely after marriage ... those are the least of her problems.
She has three teenage sons, masha-allah and she worries the seperation/divorce may affect them in a negative manner.
Like I said in my earlier post, each individual needs to make the right decisions depending his/her circumstances. I myself would never put up with such abuse but she knows the circumstances of her sons better than I do. All i can is offer help, emotional support, minimise the abuse through intervention, etc.
With regards to muslim brothers marrying divorce sisters, Im sorry to say not many men think like that. Unfortunately we dont live in the time of the sahabas ... in todays day and age, not many men marry more than 1 woman and that too has to be a virgin. Even guys that divorce and remarry, their second wife are are not divorcees ... only in extreme cases a man marry a divorcee particularly if he is 'old' himself.
Its not a nice world but thats how it is and we need to think about the issues at hand and act accordingly!
no thanks, i`ll just stick to my deen and if other muslims cant do that then its between them and Allah on the judgment day i change my deen for no man, even if that means being alone and struggling my whole life As far as im concerned the deen is no different today than it was in the time of the sahabba .
also sisters should bear in mind if they are in a bad marriage where a brother is mistreating them and they stay with him, then they are helping him to sin, the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam was asked how do u stop an opressor from sinning, and he said stop him from opressing the people... so any woman who allows a man to treat her that way is helping her opressor to opress her.. if u love such a man, then show ur true love for the sake of Allah for him, and dont let him commit sins against u and your children 24/7 because then it is an opression against those children too who have the right to be raised i safety and security, and who have the right to not be bought up with evil men who show them foul examples where the cycle of abuse will be perptuated into the next generations... audu billah
Treasured Soul
26-07-07, 03:52 PM
no thanks, i`ll just stick to my deen and if other muslims cant do that then its between them and Allah on the judgment day i change my deen for no man, even if that means being alone and struggling my whole life As far as im concerned the deen is no different today than it was in the time of the sahabba .
also sisters should bear in mind if they are in a bad marriage where a brother is mistreating them and they stay with him, then they are helping him to sin, the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam was asked how do u stop an opressor from sinning, and he said stop him from opressing the people... so any woman who allows a man to treat her that way is helping her opressor to opress her.. if u love such a man, then show ur true love for the sake of Allah for him, and dont let him commit sins against u and your children 24/7 because then it is an opression against those children too who have the right to be raised i safety and security, and who have the right to not be bought up with evil men who show them foul examples where the cycle of abuse will be perptuated into the next generations... audu billah
Im not asking you to leave ur deen for any man nor should any man for a woman. Im not saying let go of ur deen but take a look around, consider ur options and the consequences and keep an open mind. One shouldnt advise a sister to leave if she cant accept the fact that she may be alone the rest of her life (not that im implying u go around telling sisters to leave!) Just a general statement.
And yes, the deen is the same as the time of the sahabas but the ppl are the not same, the iman ppl had then is not the same as what ppl have today. Im not saying all ppl are bad, masha-allah we have great muslims around the world but i speak from my culture and how our ppl act. And the imaan u show for our deen is outstanding. But the number of these ppl with strong imaan are declining, sad fact but true.
As far as my sister is concerned, she did istihkaara and all signs were to remain with him ... allah (swt) knows best.
Abu Mus'ab
26-07-07, 04:30 PM
also sisters should bear in mind if they are in a bad marriage where a brother is mistreating them and they stay with him, then they are helping him to sin, the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam was asked how do u stop an opressor from sinning, and he said stop him from opressing the people... so any woman who allows a man to treat her that way is helping her opressor to opress her.. if u love such a man, then show ur true love for the sake of Allah for him, and dont let him commit sins against u and your children 24/7 because then it is an opression against those children too who have the right to be raised i safety and security, and who have the right to not be bought up with evil men who show them foul examples where the cycle of abuse will be perptuated into the next generations... audu billah
Actually this is not true, hajjaj bin yusuf was regarded as a tyrant, the ulema never said muslims must overthrow him or leave, instead they said "make sabr", similarly before hijrah the muslims were told "make sabr", so if a wife staying with her husband is aiding an opressor then these sahabah ridhwaanullahi alayhim ajma3een and the salaf were all aiding opressors wal 3iyaazu billah
if a woman chooses to stay with her abusive husband for the sake of her children or whatever then she is not sinning, it's true that your children has a right to safety and security, but they also have the right to food and shelter, if a woman knows that if she asks for a divorce then her husband will throw her and her children out into the street and so she stays with him and endures it all for the sake of her children then she will be rewarded for it not punished for it.
Wallahu A3lam.
nomoreillusions
26-07-07, 04:45 PM
if a woman chooses to stay with her abusive husband for the sake of her children or whatever then she is not sinning, it's true that your children has a right to safety and security, but they also have the right to food and shelter, if a woman knows that if she asks for a divorce then her husband will throw her and her children out into the street and so she stays with him and endures it all for the sake of her children then she will be rewarded for it not punished for it.
Wallahu A3lam.
Children should never be exposed to violence within their own house, within their own family. Children can not grow up feeling loved when one parent abuses the other. Children, more often than not, take on feelings of guilt or blame when one parent is abused, or worse, take to abusing the parent themselves, as this is what they have been taught.
Children of abusive parents grow up to either be abused themselves, thinking it is normal, or to abuse others, thinking it is normal. It is a sickness that perpetuates itself, and the cycle needs to be broken. It is never better for a parent to stay with an abusive spouse 'for the children' because it is never better for the children.
In the US, at least, there are shelters, charities and government aid for women, and men also but not as much, who need to escape abusive relationships. It is not a choice of 'stay with the abuse or starve.' Especially in countries with fair divorce laws, the abused spouse is often granted ownership of the house and custody of the children since the abuser would be seen as an unfit parent.
Actually this is not true, hajjaj bin yusuf was regarded as a tyrant, the ulema never said muslims must overthrow him or leave, instead they said "make sabr", similarly before hijrah the muslims were told "make sabr", so if a wife staying with her husband is aiding an opressor then these sahabah ridhwaanullahi alayhim ajma3een and the salaf were all aiding opressors wal 3iyaazu billah
if a woman chooses to stay with her abusive husband for the sake of her children or whatever then she is not sinning, it's true that your children has a right to safety and security, but they also have the right to food and shelter, if a woman knows that if she asks for a divorce then her husband will throw her and her children out into the street and so she stays with him and endures it all for the sake of her children then she will be rewarded for it not punished for it.
Wallahu A3lam.
Im not saying she would be punished for it, im saying she is assisting him in the sin, but the sin is entirely his though.In the examples u gave, they werent married to these people its a totally different issue, sometimes u cant stand up again whole armies but u can stand up to one lame man. And what do u mean by staying for sake of her children ? so her children will turn out to be just like their father? so the children will learn to disrespect their mother like their father does ? does she not have a duty to protect them ? to teach them right from wrong ? to enjoin the good and forbid the evil ? those children will grow to hate either their mother for being so weak and not protecting them from that, or they will grow to hate their father for his evil ways, or they may end up hating them both. They should be taken out of such a situation.
should she not trust in Allah ta ala who will provide her with sustenance , why stay with a man who commits serious opression on his family, and help him sin every day by being evil to her and those children ? how is she not assisting him in sin ? why is she not protecting her children from such a man ? if she wasnt there, then he would not be sinning anymore, simple as. my children apostated from Islam because of the disgusting behaviour of my so called muslim husband they could not beleive their mother anymore about what the difference between islam and what they have seen from the so called "muslims" may Allah ta ala guide them to the truth amin.
This is what the reality of a situation is, its very easy for men to say stay with such a man, but the fact is it is mental and emotional torture beyond belief and u simply grow to hate them more and more with every single passing minute of everyday, there are very few women who could so such a thing, as they will hate even to look at him, never mind be a wife to him.
Only the women who go through emotional and physical abuse can understand it. They know how it feels and how they start to almost hate the man who is supposed to be her protector. Yet she may stay for the sake of her children etc (not realising that that infact may actually be more damaging for the children but even that isnt a fault of hers. Its the fault of society that will point fingers at her- the woman, who left her husband when she has children or grown up girls etc).
Its easy for men and for some of us to say, "she should have sabr and she will be rewarded," subhanAllah without a doubt Allah will reward her for her pains but that doesnt mean she should have to live with a tyrant who doesnt treat her or the children well. Its one thing saying it and its another thing living with it. Most of us couldnt and the ones who do- subhanAllah may Allah (swt) reward them in abundance! Ameen.
Noor_Usman
05-02-08, 12:29 PM
Asalamalikum.
I just stumbled across this for the first time :rolleyes: A very interesting post. I have read most but not all the replies.
I agree that if you are suffering physical and/or mental abuse from your spouse and you are truely unhappy which is damaging your well being - physically and mentally, then you should get a divorce. Better to be alone than to keep going through that and inshallah Allah T'ala will send someone else along for you in due time who is better :up:
What I am wondering is where you draw the line at miserable? I mean every marriage has it's ups and downs and the first few years are renowned for being the worse :rolleyes: but even if you are not beaten by your spouse but you clash so often that you are probably happy 40% of the time and down right miserable the other 60% is this good enough grounds? Especially if neither of you are particularly practicing and despite bringing it up with your partner on several occasions (i.e the reason we're so unhappy is because we're not practicing) they do not seem to be any more interested in increasing their own Iman and/or helping you with yours...
There isn't hate in this kind of relationship but there is dispair and loneliness :( Mainly because you don't want to seperate but you can't bare to keep going on like this for the rest of your lives. Then what do you do?
Arabiyya
05-02-08, 01:12 PM
I know what you mean... Sometimes you feel like "anyone" is better than "no one". InshaAllah this wont happen to anyone here...but it still happens "sometimes".
Bare minimum, as long as he/she has Allah swt in their hearts, should be good enough, aye? They should be conscientious and take care of you as they are commanded. --So he/she might not have the looks or sense of humor, the wealth, the nice family, etc etc etc..as long as they have religion, they would be a good spouse.
What would "I" answer? Truthfully I don't know. I think that for many young women like myself, Marriage is our freedom. We're always the responsibility of someone above us..but when you get married, it's someone beside.
Dunno. Tough question!
what u describe is very personal to me
ive had to make very hard choices
and yes it better to be single and lonely then it is to be married and deeply unhappy as that is more lonlier
:(
sorry to hear this too. May Allah may things easier for you
wifeseeker
18-02-08, 11:34 PM
well well well, what do we have here. a deep discussion on loneliness an its depths.
well i'm lonely n i'll marry a divorcee. so why am i still lonely. i'd rather be married.
women nowadays usually can't bear 2 share their husband but if we r true men n r responsible 4 womens wellbeing then the world wud b a better place if we realised a few home truths.
if women do get divorced, isn't it true that in shariah she wud hav 2 giv her kids to her husband i.e. this ties in with the above point of him being the provider.
i wud gladly have up 2 four divorced wives (burden though it wud b 2 treat them equally) as long as every1 of them was mature enough 2 realise i was doing it 4 their benefit. but in todays materialistic society this is not the case is it!
so every1 carries on passing each other by, not trusting what lies beneath their gaze. only allah knows the heart.
if any muslimahs like wat they read then contact me, as i mean what i say.
wifeseeker
18-02-08, 11:38 PM
sorry if i sound like a beast.
i just decided 2 make a few blunt comments n upon reading it after i posted it, i realised i sound quite arrogant. this is not the case. sorry.
Salaam i got married and divorced my wife one time i as thinking not to get married again, but at the same time i cannot live alone.
AH
miss-islamic
16-03-08, 12:29 AM
Why are they lonely? Don’t they have family and friends? Once people get married, they usually don’t have time for that (family and friends) and then moan about that. :rolleyes: As for the poll question and results -- people are way to picky these days. That’s why they can never find someone that is “suitable” for them. A good person and good Muslim should be enough.
Why are they lonely? Don’t they have family and friends? Once people get married, they usually don’t have time for that (family and friends) and then moan about that. :rolleyes: As for the poll question and results -- people are way to picky these days. That’s why they can never find someone that is “suitable” for them. A good person and good Muslim should be enough.
some people dont have family or freinds sis, especially if ur a revert u might loose all your family, cos they dont want to be seen with u, and same with your freinds they dont want to walk down the street with u in hijab and abaya, and if there arent any practising muslims ( practising as in prays , doesnt sell alcohol have girlfreinds or goes to nighclubs, not asking for scolar) and then there is finding someone without cultural issues in your area, then marriage is near impossible, so yea its a very lonely life.
Many times people are lonely because they're being too picky and reject everyone for marriage. Several years later, after they've matured some more, they realize their mistakes and end up marrying someone.
LastFriday
16-03-08, 03:15 AM
I'm willing to stay lonely. If Allah (swt) doesn't want me to get married, then I won't and I'll be content with that =)
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