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I have been married for 7 months, and it is bewildering to find that my husband likes, admires and is enamoured by my sister younger by 2 years. (I am 23). I came across a text message accidently on my sisters phone from my husband with flirtatous inclinations. since then I have kept an eye on them both and have found that he has pet names for. 'little gem' etc. I notice he jumps to attention when she sends a text message or email, I turned a blind eye to all this thinking it is just one of those relationships ( though he does not behave in this manner with my other siblings).
It started to get unbearable when I noticed her always trying to sit next to him at the dinner table, and when she began to touch him by the arm as if to steer him in a different direction. I notice she looks displeased when she sees any sign of affection or togetherness between my husband and I.
I have no other complaint against my husband, he makes sure I do not go without anything, and is supportive of me in trying to complete my studies.
I have spoken to him about my concerns and he has stopped phoning and texting my sisters. however I feel miserable about the fact that my husband secretly harbours feelings for my sister and this in turn is affecting my daily life, study and so forth.
Al-Irhaab
11-04-07, 06:04 PM
I have been married for 7 months, and it is bewildering to find that my husband likes, admires and is enamoured by my sister younger by 2 years. (I am 23). I came across a text message accidently on my sisters phone from my husband with flirtatous inclinations. since then I have kept an eye on them both and have found that he has pet names for. 'little gem' etc. I notice he jumps to attention when she sends a text message or email, I turned a blind eye to all this thinking it is just one of those relationships ( though he does not behave in this manner with my other siblings).
It started to get unbearable when I noticed her always trying to sit next to him at the dinner table, and when she began to touch him by the arm as if to steer him in a different direction. I notice she looks displeased when she sees any sign of affection or togetherness between my husband and I.
I have no other complaint against my husband, he makes sure I do not go without anything, and is supportive of me in trying to complete my studies.
I have spoken to him about my concerns and he has stopped phoning and texting my sisters. however I feel miserable about the fact that my husband secretly harbours feelings for my sister and this in turn is affecting my daily life, study and so forth.
do u pray? does ur husband pray?
Yes, we both pray, sometimes our fajr is read as kazah otherwise we both read our prayers.
ukhti u know in Islam this type of closeness between ur husband and any female member of ur family who is permissible for him by marriage is forbidden. ur husband should not even be speaking to ur sister at all, nor should he be sitting next to her, nor should he show any interest in her at all, certainly it is haram for them to touch each other "even" on the arm, and same goes for her too...
the prophet Salallahu alleyhi wa salam said the "inlaws are death" and indeed this type of thing can be the death of a marriage i would advise u to visit your sister without ur husband and this way keep close ties with her, without any fitnah being invloved insha Allah.
It is forbidden for a man to marry two blood related sisters at the same time in Islam because it may cause too much emnity and jelousy between them and split up the ties of kinship. If it were me, i would ask my sister not to visit the house anymore and i would go and visit her and sit alone with her and my female family members, and not with my husband present amongst the women insha Allah.
and i would delete her number off his phone too he shouldnt have strange womens phone numbers and be texting them ..and ur sister is a stranger to him. Its a shame shes not more respectful towards ur marriage maybe u can advise ur parents that she needs to get married and have her own husband.
heaven2002
11-04-07, 06:51 PM
my sisters would never ever do anything like this
its awful
if i were you i would speak to my sister or get an older sibling to speak to her
and also ask your husband how he would feel if you were behaving the same with his brother
Jazakallah for the advice.
Both my sister and I have had Islamic upbringings, she even wears the jilbab when going out, but somehow culturally it is accepted & expected that my siblings should be able to interact with my husband. I know my mother and others would frown on my visiting my family on my own.
It is also very normal in his family to interact with both the male/female and ask after one another.
Jazakallah for the advice.
Both my sister and I have had Islamic upbringings, she even wears the jilbab when going out, but somehow culturally it is accepted & expected that my siblings should be able to interact with my husband. I know my mother and others would frown on my visiting my family on my own.
It is also very normal in his family to interact with both the male/female and ask after one another.
sis u shud be the one to break this silly cultural thing, explain it to ur parents that u and ur husband have decided not to interact with non-mahrems
delete any numbers u may have of his brothers or cousins or any non-mahrem for that matter and make him do the same
ur parents will understand inshaAllah though it could take a while, ur husband can still meet ur family he just doesnt need to interact with ur sisters or cousins
Jazakallah for the advice.
Both my sister and I have had Islamic upbringings, she even wears the jilbab when going out, but somehow culturally it is accepted & expected that my siblings should be able to interact with my husband. I know my mother and others would frown on my visiting my family on my own.
It is also very normal in his family to interact with both the male/female and ask after one another.
maybe so ukhti, but this is not islamic behaviour, and yet u say they are practising muslims, yet clearly this behaviour isnt islamic and clearly fitnah has arisen from this type of freemixing. I personally would advise them to the Islamic way of life before some serious problem occurs in your marriage audu billah may Allah ta ala protect u all from fitnah amin.
Subhanallah! I don't know what to say sis. :rubeyes:
.: Anna :.
11-04-07, 07:22 PM
Asiya's advice is very good... Sis i think u have 2 take a firm stance on the matter despite what is "cultural norm" because leaving it lax between sister and brother in law, look what that is leading to... its for their own interests as well as yours to get a total stop to it
It may prove to be a hard task. He is an educated proffessional & has moderate Islamic views. He does listen to music, & has ceased a little since getting married.
I will try my best, but is there anything I can do without cutting him off completely from my family members?
.: Anna :.
11-04-07, 07:53 PM
Im not sure, but at least you can continually make a lot of sincere dua about the situation. if u dont do, try to get up in the last 3rd of the night and ask Allah's help in the situation insha allah
Be patient sis it may well be a test for you.
I don't understand ur sister, why is she even giving him the chance to flirt or send suspicous text messages?! It's really sad that this ummah has come this low, don't even let your sister come near ur husband again is and what exactly is she doing sitting next to ur husband and touching him?! where were you sis? :(
May Allah give you the patience and make it easy on you and us all. Ameen
Al-Irhaab
11-04-07, 09:40 PM
Yes, we both pray, sometimes our fajr is read as kazah otherwise we both read our prayers.
sorry i had to go away so couldnt reply....
mashallah both you and your husband have a base upon which to build.... you need to speak to your husband firstly and explain to him what you are thinking... ask him to clarify his actions... tell him the hadith which states that the in laws are like hell... and that the touch of a foreign woman is like a knife into your body... explain to him what it is doing to you but do not accuse him... perhaps he is ignorant or doesnt know how to react to your sister, perhaps he thinks its just a joke or is amusing... explain to him why you pray and about the akhira and about heaven and hell.... because this is the basis for us to stop doing bad things aswell....
also if possible talk to your sister.... and being her older sister explain to her properly what she is doing.... slap her one if u need to :rolleyes:
may allah (Swt) make it easy for u and for me and for all of us (ameen)
I don't understand ur sister, why is she even giving him the chance to flirt or send suspicous text messages?! It's really sad that this ummah has come this low, don't even let your sister come near ur husband again is and what exactly is she doing sitting next to ur husband and touching him?! where were you sis? :(
That is what I couldnt comprehend. Even when the whole table was empty she would choose the chair next to him to sit down and eat.
Four of us went out together at my husbands request. I left 3 of them to go purchase an item, on my return of within 5 minutes I saw her put a hand on his arm steering him to walk on. He then looked up to see me and later explained that she had said 'come on lets go'.
sorry i had to go away so couldnt reply....
mashallah both you and your husband have a base upon which to build.... you need to speak to your husband firstly and explain to him what you are thinking... ask him to clarify his actions... tell him the hadith which states that the in laws are like hell... and that the touch of a foreign woman is like a knife into your body... explain to him what it is doing to you but do not accuse him... perhaps he is ignorant or doesnt know how to react to your sister, perhaps he thinks its just a joke or is amusing... explain to him why you pray and about the akhira and about heaven and hell.... because this is the basis for us to stop doing bad things aswell....
also if possible talk to your sister.... and being her older sister explain to her properly what she is doing.... slap her one if u need to :rolleyes:
may allah (Swt) make it easy for u and for me and for all of us (ameen)
Jazakallaah for the reply. I will take this on board.
sis i agree with wat sis asiya said (as always :p )
u need to nip this in the bud, ur sister might think its ok becos the family accepts it but its not, as sis MMS sed, nip it in the bud, u need to make a stand.
Tell ur hubbie from the islamic point of view how wrong this is. and as bro al-ihraab sed, talk to your sister and tell her the islamic stance on this kind of relationship, im sure she will understand if its all innocent from her side.
To many si-in-law and bro-in-law relationships turn into the WRONG relationships and then these same paretns and families moan and complain "omg! how could this happen" forgetting the fact that they condone this kind of behaviour as "innocent" "brother sisterly love"
sis i agree with wat sis asiya said (as always :p )
u need to nip this in the bud, ur sister might think its ok becos the family accepts it but its not, as sis MMS sed, nip it in the bud, u need to make a stand.
Tell ur hubbie from the islamic point of view how wrong this is. and as bro al-ihraab sed, talk to your sister and tell her the islamic stance on this kind of relationship, im sure she will understand if its all innocent from her side.
To many si-in-law and bro-in-law relationships turn into the WRONG relationships and then these same paretns and families moan and complain "omg! how could this happen" forgetting the fact that they condone this kind of behaviour as "innocent" "brother sisterly love"
Sound advice. Jazakallah
Jazakallah for the advice.
Both my sister and I have had Islamic upbringings, she even wears the jilbab when going out, but somehow culturally it is accepted & expected that my siblings should be able to interact with my husband. I know my mother and others would frown on my visiting my family on my own.
It is also very normal in his family to interact with both the male/female and ask after one another.there is nothing wrong with basic interaction.
your sister obviously dresses in the islamic manner. and does pardah infront of him.
however it is clear your husband nor your sister have pardah in thier hearts. this does not mean they are immediatly bad muslims.
this means that they do not know the meaning of pardah.
this is very sad to hear. i am always awkwardly distant and polite with my brother in laws. i interact with them but keep my distance.
i think you should have a chat with your sister. tell her to never touch your husband again. or youll injure her. this is of course a methaphor. but it will do less damage to your marrige, if you pester your husband too often. who will accuse you of accusing him. it is predictable that he will go in circles.
be firm with your sister. dont give a figs care about your surrounding culture and others. it is islam that tells us to have pardah in our hearts actions and manner of dress. and that friendship should never be used as a excuse for any relationship between a man and woman unless they intend to marry.
i really do feel sorry for you.
id slap my sister, and id teach him a lesson..dont ask how but id do it.
but u wanna make effort/take bro irhaabs advice inshaAllah.
id slap my sister, and id teach him a lesson..dont ask how but id do it.
but u wanna make effort/take bro irhaabs advice inshaAllah.yes id slap my sister too. and be very honest with your husband.
this sort of behaviour is unacceptable, i never thought that it would affect the muslim today. it is the type of thing you see in hollyoaks.
lol hollyoaks..teenage trash i call it now..didnt used to be that bad eh/?
lol hollyoaks..teenage trash i call it now..didnt used to be that bad eh/?all the soaps are about unnatural relationships. adultry and everything becomes a thing of entertainment
I know what you mean about the cultural norms within the family as it's the same in my family, but your sister seems to be taking undue advantage of this leniency and it's good that you're taking it seriously. Have a one-to-one talk with her in person or over the phone to say that maybe she doesn't understand your feelings because she is younger and unmarried but no woman likes another girl touching or getting informal with her husband even if it's a social norm or they use the excuse "i was just being friendly". Whether she means to touch/speak to him in a flirtatious way or not, it's not her place to behave like that or try to get close with him and if she likes male companionship, she should look into finding herself a husband and getting married. Don't be put off by any counter accusations or tears or anything like that- that would be a diversion tactic. She might be upset at first but inshallah if she has any sense, she would change her ways. If she's mischeivous, then speak to her sternly to warn her if she tries to sit close to him or something like that.
The other thing is to make sure you and your husband get quality time alone, get some space/privacy from family so that you can enjoy each other's company as well. Don't allow outside influences to put a feeling of distance between you and your husband.
greenwater
11-04-07, 10:54 PM
1. The husband should take into consideration the feelings of his wife. If his interactions with the sister is impacting the wife, he should then keep his distance from the sister, and instead sit with the wife, or other relatives (preferably male relatives). Therefore maybe have a chat with you husband and tell him how its making you feel. Or see if there's a good talk on CD/Audio/Internet that you both can listen to, that covers marriage, and how to consider the others feelings etc.
2. I think talking to your mum would be a good idea, it may be your sister won't listen to you, but if you talk to your mum, and your mum has a word with her, she may be more likely to listen. Or if you do not wis to involve your mum, just threaten your sister that you will tell your parents if she continues.
panther
12-04-07, 05:56 AM
I would like to know how you two met, and got married... what did you see in him, and what was he looking for in you?
You're in the very early days of your marriage, and I must say that you and your husband (and perhaps your lil sister) are steering it towards disaster. Allow me to explain myself...
Granted, Islam is strict on free-mixing. But there is a cultural reality, and the truth is that it is so ingrained in the way we conduct ourselves, how we percieve people and how people percieve us, that it cannot be brushed aside. We have only heard the story from your point of view and granted, they sound very friendly towards each other... but to insinuate anything from that is dangerous. From a cultural perspective, they may be quite friendly for one's liking, but they haven't overstepped any bounderies as such.
Now, trust is central to any marriage, and you obviously don't trust him... no matter how you may have put it to him, he must've got the message. He feels awkward when you and your sister are around, so when your sister touched him, he had to explain to you what was going on... such gestures, particularly when initiated by a third party, should not provoke such thoughts in your head or his. Yet, this is obviously putting a strain on your relationship.
Finally, what you need to ask yourself is this... are you insecure? We all are at some level or another. Your husband obviously was (and is) interested in you enough to have married you. He loves you enough to have understood you when you told him you feel uncomfortable about his interaction with your sister. Why do you then feel cheated? To go deleting phone numbers of non-mahram girls on his phone book is simply an act of possessiveness, which would scare off most guys... such acts as small as they seem would add fuel to the fire, and for the life of me, I cannot see how such acts would repair your relationship.
In conclusion, your hubby's friendship with your sister is not completely normal, but isn't completely abnormal either. What you need to remember is that you are married to your husband, and your husband is interested enough in you to have married you. Your sister is going to get married and get on with her own life. You should focus on building a strong and loving friendship, one of trust between yourself and your husband, and your sister should not hold any bearing to the strength of your relationship whatsoever. How do you express love to your husband? What does he like? Keep him interested in you, be spontaneous, go and do things together... be like teenagers, enjoy yourselves! Don't become possessive, and be careful on how you express your insecurities. I personally think you should put it all behind you and build on your relationship... do not go discussing this with your sister just yet, and your parents etc.
There's always adjustments/adaption to new changes in life. In this case, it is your new marriage and new husband that you, your husband and your family is going thru and adjust.
The dangerous part is to let bad habit strive... and i can tell you when a habit starts, it doesn't go away easily, the only thing is to replace the habit with something else.
That is why we have to forbid 'bad' and not only forbid, we cannot even let that 'bad' the chance to have a beginning.
In this instance, your husband and your sister did not even have that strength or knowledge and unfortunately let the 'bad' habit start, which is such a shame.... it's like letting themselves taking the baby steps to diaster...
I think in Islam, the belief is that there will be no change unless the person himself/herself realise what they did was wrong and try their best t
Very c-r-e-e-p-y as there's something of an "incest vibe" about it.
That any first-degree relatives should share any kind of sexual or intimate awareness is enough to send most folks screaming away in horror and disgust.
No matter how you slice it, the entire scenario is very unwholesome.
Let's just say it outright: it's perverse.
My gut tells me that both hubby and sister are crazy as loons.
me.sawda
12-04-07, 07:06 AM
sis i agree with wat sis asiya said (as always :p )
u need to nip this in the bud, ur sister might think its ok becos the family accepts it but its not, as sis MMS sed, nip it in the bud, u need to make a stand.
Tell ur hubbie from the islamic point of view how wrong this is. and as bro al-ihraab sed, talk to your sister and tell her the islamic stance on this kind of relationship, im sure she will understand if its all innocent from her side.
To many si-in-law and bro-in-law relationships turn into the WRONG relationships and then these same paretns and families moan and complain "omg! how could this happen" forgetting the fact that they condone this kind of behaviour as "innocent" "brother sisterly love"
:D :D Nicely explained...
Things should be handled at the beginning.
Allah Be with you......
I would like to know how you two met, and got married... what did you see in him, and what was he looking for in you?
You're in the very early days of your marriage, and I must say that you and your husband (and perhaps your lil sister) are steering it towards disaster. Allow me to explain myself...
Granted, Islam is strict on free-mixing. But there is a cultural reality, and the truth is that it is so ingrained in the way we conduct ourselves, how we percieve people and how people percieve us, that it cannot be brushed aside. We have only heard the story from your point of view and granted, they sound very friendly towards each other... but to insinuate anything from that is dangerous. From a cultural perspective, they may be quite friendly for one's liking, but they haven't overstepped any bounderies as such.
Now, trust is central to any marriage, and you obviously don't trust him... no matter how you may have put it to him, he must've got the message. He feels awkward when you and your sister are around, so when your sister touched him, he had to explain to you what was going on... such gestures, particularly when initiated by a third party, should not provoke such thoughts in your head or his. Yet, this is obviously putting a strain on your relationship.
Finally, what you need to ask yourself is this... are you insecure? We all are at some level or another. Your husband obviously was (and is) interested in you enough to have married you. He loves you enough to have understood you when you told him you feel uncomfortable about his interaction with your sister. Why do you then feel cheated? To go deleting phone numbers of non-mahram girls on his phone book is simply an act of possessiveness, which would scare off most guys... such acts as small as they seem would add fuel to the fire, and for the life of me, I cannot see how such acts would repair your relationship.
In conclusion, your hubby's friendship with your sister is not completely normal, but isn't completely abnormal either. What you need to remember is that you are married to your husband, and your husband is interested enough in you to have married you. Your sister is going to get married and get on with her own life. You should focus on building a strong and loving friendship, one of trust between yourself and your husband, and your sister should not hold any bearing to the strength of your relationship whatsoever. How do you express love to your husband? What does he like? Keep him interested in you, be spontaneous, go and do things together... be like teenagers, enjoy yourselves! Don't become possessive, and be careful on how you express your insecurities. I personally think you should put it all behind you and build on your relationship... do not go discussing this with your sister just yet, and your parents etc.
In reply to Jigsaw; My sister does'nt wear the Jilbab in front of my husband, she does adorn the jilbab but only when going out of the house.
Our families bought us together 2 months before we were married, we saw each other two, three times and mainly communicated via email & phone prior to getting married.
He was looking for an educated girl, with Islamic values & background. He was the only prospective I met. I felt comfortable enough to say yes.
If you feel uncomfortable with the level of friendliness your sister displays with your husband, then perhaps you should speak to her about it as opposed to him.
In reply to Jigsaw; My sister does'nt wear the Jilbab in front of my husband, she does adorn the jilbab but only when going out of the house.
Our families bought us together 2 months before we were married, we saw each other two, three times and mainly communicated via email & phone prior to getting married.
He was looking for an educated girl, with Islamic values & background. He was the only prospective I met. I felt comfortable enough to say yes.
ukhti there is no difference between ur sister and a strange woman on the street this is her relationship to your husband, nothing at all, she is not his mahram and she should behave in front of him as any other strange muslim woman would she needs to cover and not be sitting talking to him, u say she is religious so insha Allah when u explain this to her she will understand her mistake insha Allah. no matter what our culture dictates we must put our Islamic behaviour and adherance to Islam and obedience to Allah first insha Allah.
I would like to know how you two met, and got married... what did you see in him, and what was he looking for in you?
You're in the very early days of your marriage, and I must say that you and your husband (and perhaps your lil sister) are steering it towards disaster. Allow me to explain myself...
Granted, Islam is strict on free-mixing. But there is a cultural reality, and the truth is that it is so ingrained in the way we conduct ourselves, how we percieve people and how people percieve us, that it cannot be brushed aside. We have only heard the story from your point of view and granted, they sound very friendly towards each other... but to insinuate anything from that is dangerous. From a cultural perspective, they may be quite friendly for one's liking, but they haven't overstepped any bounderies as such.
Now, trust is central to any marriage, and you obviously don't trust him... no matter how you may have put it to him, he must've got the message. He feels awkward when you and your sister are around, so when your sister touched him, he had to explain to you what was going on... such gestures, particularly when initiated by a third party, should not provoke such thoughts in your head or his. Yet, this is obviously putting a strain on your relationship.
Finally, what you need to ask yourself is this... are you insecure? We all are at some level or another. Your husband obviously was (and is) interested in you enough to have married you. He loves you enough to have understood you when you told him you feel uncomfortable about his interaction with your sister. Why do you then feel cheated? To go deleting phone numbers of non-mahram girls on his phone book is simply an act of possessiveness, which would scare off most guys... such acts as small as they seem would add fuel to the fire, and for the life of me, I cannot see how such acts would repair your relationship.
In conclusion, your hubby's friendship with your sister is not completely normal, but isn't completely abnormal either. What you need to remember is that you are married to your husband, and your husband is interested enough in you to have married you. Your sister is going to get married and get on with her own life. You should focus on building a strong and loving friendship, one of trust between yourself and your husband, and your sister should not hold any bearing to the strength of your relationship whatsoever. How do you express love to your husband? What does he like? Keep him interested in you, be spontaneous, go and do things together... be like teenagers, enjoy yourselves! Don't become possessive, and be careful on how you express your insecurities. I personally think you should put it all behind you and build on your relationship... do not go discussing this with your sister just yet, and your parents etc.
Culturally being friendly with your BIL/SIL is something that happens, but it usually doesn't involve physical contact or over zealous clingy behaviour.
Unless she see's him as an older brother type figure, then you can kind of understand where the almost childlike behaviour with him comes from, but that contradicts and wouldnt explain the flirtatious text messages.
kkc: You are probably best addressing this issue with your sister as your husband is on the receiving end of it, and even if he does want to say something to her about it probably isn't because of potentially rocking the boat and arguments ensuing about his perception of your family etc Which is something that you don't need, especially not this early on in your marriage.
Plus your sister may understand your sentiments (which all depends on how you word it and put it to her; very important) and then be a lot less touchy feely w/o necessarily being cold towards him.
Let us know what you plan to do and how it goes :up:
ur_yusra
12-04-07, 02:59 PM
:mad: :( :crying:
worse thing is...some families will make you look like a raving loon religious mullah on acid fanatic when you start insisting on segregation within the family between non mehrams :(
MWarrior
12-04-07, 05:46 PM
why dont you move out with your husband ? and go live somewhere else, like a rent a house or something. so its only you two ? if thats possible.....
I keep trying to understand why more people don't see this situation as deeply c-r-a-z-y.
If a wife of mine were to start coming on to my brother, and if they were to start sending each other "cute" text messages, I wouldn't sit around, wringing my hands, asking "Oh, gee! What should I do?"
I'd dump both freaks so fast their heads would spin.
I keep trying to understand why more people don't see this situation as deeply c-r-a-z-y.
If a wife of mine were to start coming on to my brother, and if they were to start sending each other "cute" text messages, I wouldn't sit around, wringing my hands, asking "Oh, gee! What should I do?"
I'd dump both freaks so fast their heads would spin.
dumping is not always a solution to a problem, and it also depends if what u have is worth saving, a marriage is always worth saving
What the hell is ur husband doing with ur sis number on his phone, delete her number, and talk to ur sis about it. tel her its wrong in islam. not permissable for her to be speaking or behaving like that. if she doesnt listen than slap her one on the face. She should know better.
What the hell is ur husband doing with ur sis number on his phone, delete her number, and talk to ur sis about it. tel her its wrong in islam. not permissable for her to be speaking or behaving like that. if she doesnt listen than slap her one on the face. She should know better.
:nervous: :nervous:
What the hell is ur husband doing with ur sis number on his phone, delete her number, and talk to ur sis about it. tel her its wrong in islam. not permissable for her to be speaking or behaving like that. if she doesnt listen than slap her one on the face. She should know better.
I have my jijaji's mobile number on my phone too :nervous:
But I only call it to say "Where's didi? Why isn't she picking up her phone":D
Al Qadr
12-04-07, 07:57 PM
yer, tell ur sister to BACK OFF and get her OWN husband, or is that too much for her? and tell her to stop sniffin around ur husband (n then tell ur mum if u want :D)
And for ur husband, get his phone, delete ur sis number/smash his fone, ask him how he would like it if his brother sent u cute messages :bang: he wouldnt like it then would he
dumping is not always a solution to a problem, and it also depends if what u have is worth saving, a marriage is always worth saving
Not when you're married to a crazy person.
Ibn Khattab
12-04-07, 08:10 PM
I have my jijaji's mobile number on my phone too :nervous:
But I only call it to say "Where's didi? Why isn't she picking up her phone"
jijaji? loooool i thought that said jumanji :D
Not when you're married to a crazy person.
well u dont dump "crazy" people at the first opportunity , help them become un-crazy at least - also depends what your definition of "crazy" is
yer, tell ur sister to BACK OFF and get her OWN husband, or is that too much for her? and tell her to stop sniffin around ur husband (n then tell ur mum if u want :D)
And for ur husband, get his phone, delete ur sis number/smash his fone, ask him how he would like it if his brother sent u cute messages :bang: he wouldnt like it then would he
lol sis, i think she needs to deal with the situation a lil more sensitively and tactfully as she can, seeing as she has to live with these people on a day today basis :p
I have my jijaji's mobile number on my phone too :nervous:
But I only call it to say "Where's didi? Why isn't she picking up her phone":D
yeh i have my bro-in-laws number on my mobile to, i dont call him for social chats, the only time ive called him is in a family emergency, or if i wanna speak to my sis and i cant get her on her fone or to come get their kids, no harm in having his number on your fone, its how u use it.
MWarrior
12-04-07, 09:09 PM
Move out ....rent a house/flat and live with your husband only....no one else.
and if your sister tries coming to "visit" , then tell her she aint welcome.
i think thats the only solution ....so if its possible just move out .
A more diplomatic way of handling the phone situation is to talk to the husband about how he'd like it if his brother or any strange man sent his wife messages like that. A diplomatic solution would be to suggest that both the husband and wife share this information with each other so that the sister knows that she cannot speak to the husband or even text him with any form of privacy.
The more embarrassing thing for me is that me and my sister sound exactly the same on the phone, so shortly before she got married, jijaji used to call the home number and kept thinking I was her:eek: One time I picked up the phone and said hello and he said "Hi honey :inlove: " to which I was completely :rofl1: and would say "Didi, it's for you HONEY:inlove: :p", then he'd get embarrassed and say "It's not fair:o it's not funny man!"
Dappodan1
12-04-07, 09:25 PM
lots of sound advice on here for you. You need to try to take control of the situation as best you can and steer it in the direction that you feels is the most equitable solution in the light of the overriding Islamic principles.
your sis will probably get married sooner or later and in time to come you will laugh at how trivial it then seems but for now its major for you and you shouldnt be made to feel the way you are.
I hope and pray everything works out for you.
lots of sound advice on here for you. You need to try to take control of the situation as best you can and steer it in the direction that you feels is the most equitable solution in the light of the overriding Islamic principles.
your sis will probably get married sooner or later and in time to come you will laugh at how trivial it then seems but for now its major for you and you shouldnt be made to feel the way you are.
I hope and pray everything works out for you.
this is far from trivial IMO, its a major issue for all 3 of them
does no one think husband needs a slap too :eek3:
really it would repulse me, dont know if id be able to look at either of them.
sis your in my duas :love:
does no one think husband needs a slap too :eek3:
get out of here and come back! :spunch:
Honey87
12-04-07, 10:27 PM
This might sound easier said than done, but just tell your sister straight.
I mean, depending on the relationship you have with her, she is your sister, so you're probably naturally quite free with her.
I think you could also tell your parents. Tell the 'elders' to basically have a good dig at her, which would hopefully make her feel ashamed and silly - which she should.
Some of this advice is not even realistic...you wanting to break her marriage apart by accusing her husband of "unchaste" behaviour? :eek3:
Some of this advice is not even realistic...you wanting to break her marriage apart by accusing her husband of "unchaste" behaviour? :eek3:
lol put it this way..if my husband did that. then i wudnts stay with him.:D
lol put it this way..if my husband did that. then i wudnts stay with him.:D
Done what? Seems like its her sister who's clingy and the chap's just too polite to tell her to buzz off.
Its not that easy or recommended to be all gung-ho and mouthy especially as newly weds, what with it being new/unknown people etc.
Which is why its much better that she speaks to her sister about how she doesn't like her clingy behaviour as oppose to screaming at her husband for letting her sister behave like that/for not telling her off...imagine if your husband told your sister off and basically accussed her of being a hussy when she probably isn't even aware that her behaviours a bit too..clingy? :eek3: World war 3 :eek:
Many thanks to you all for your valuable advice, namely sister and brothers; Asiya, Al-Irhaab, Panther, and MG. Jazakallah
Many thanks to you all for your valuable advice, namely sister and brothers; Asiya, Al-Irhaab, Panther, and MG. Jazakallah
no problem,sis may allah swt make things easy for u all ameen.
keep us updated-if u want that is :p
Some of this advice is not even realistic...you wanting to break her marriage apart by accusing her husband of "unchaste" behaviour? :eek3:
If I put myself in this situation and imagine a wife of mine flirting with my brother, and the two of them sending cute text messages to each other, and having cute pet-names for each other well, I...I...
I'd lose my mind.
I mean, it's very, very creepy.
And, frankly, I don't think I'd want to have some big discussion about it.
I mean, actually asking my own brother, "Why are you trying to have sex with my wife?", or saying to my wife, "Please stop trying to seduce my brother."
(HOW COULD YOU HAVE SUCH A DISCUSSION AND HAVE ANY SELF-RESPECT LEFT??? How could *any*man feel even vaguely like a man after saying to his wife, "Please stop trying to seduce my brother"???? The guy might as well just put on a sari and start clapping and singing at weddings like those eunuchs in India and Pakistan.)
I mean, it's like finding yourself suddenly surrounded by very cruel lunatics.
I'd rather simply get a divorce, move far away, and never speak to those freaks again.
Not when you're married to a crazy person.
well know the solution then don't you?
don't get married to a crazy person in the first place...:rolleyes:
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