View Full Version : arguments
:salams
too many musy lovey dovey filmy happily ever after threads in here :p
lets get back to reality fer abit
please put yer advice down fer dealing with arguments
The do's and the dont's
do u always have to just say sorry n stuff
coz this is going to be real hard, especially for somebody like me who is alwaysss right :rubeyes:
Loving someone means saying sorry should come naturally, regardless of your personality and regardless whether or not you were actually to blame.
Loving someone means saying sorry should come naturally, regardless of your personality and regardless whether or not you were actually to blame.
how ghey :embar: what if u got nothing to be sorry for, if u always admit ur wrong how can ur opinion be taken seriously :p
muslimah85
08-04-07, 04:00 PM
Loving someone means saying sorry should come naturally, regardless of your personality and regardless whether or not you were actually to blame.
exactly :)
Do
- If something persistently bothers you about someone, mention it politely at an early stage, otherwise it will keep nagging at you until you explode or shout about it in an argument and by that stage you wont be taken seriously
- Do send this thread to me after I get married inshallah to see whether I take my own advice:D
Don't...
- Don't expect men to be mind readers. If something bothers you, don't expect things to improve by giving them moody silent treatment
- Don't expect first time mums to find motherhood "easy" or manageable without the extra help of a spouse/extended family, just because they're women, or just because your mum managed to raise 5 kids singlehandedly.
how ghey :embar: what if u got nothing to be sorry for, if u always admit ur wrong how can ur opinion be taken seriously :p
They'll realise you sometimes say it for the sake of peace, and actually appreciate your willingness to take blame to keep them happy.
but u have to find a balance, imagine u have a spouse who speaks rudely to ur mother, and u tell her not to and maybe u argue over it but then in the end u tell her ur sorry for telling her off
she will probably feel like its okay for her to speak to ur mum rudely
and if its always one person who is sayin okay fair enough u are right i am wrong its not much of a relationship is it :S i think it would lead to the loss of respect for the person who is always saying okay im wrong
Niqaabi
08-04-07, 04:36 PM
SISTERS:
DO stand firm if you are right about something but DONT bother if it is over a little matter which will lead to an argument. (e.g. dont fight over the ending of a tv programme just because you know what happens in the end, cos its not worth it).
DO be understanding of what he is saying but at the same time DONT forget about how you feel and make sure you tell him politely.
DO be Polite, DONT bite his head off.
DO obey what he says DONT obey him if he is disobeying Allah.
DO carry out his orders but DONT let him push you around (e.g. him making you take care of his parents, if you dont mind thats fine, but its his duty to look after his parents, if you do it there is reward but really he should take care of his own parents, especially if your parents are old too and your an only child).
DO tell him and make him give you your rights but DONT act like a feminazi.
ur_yusra
08-04-07, 05:27 PM
My maritial life is going to be based on argumentation - life would be no fun if we just all got on now would it :o
Main advice: Don't argue in front of the children.
I think all married men believe they get nagged too much by their wives.
Bint Yusuf
08-04-07, 05:37 PM
don't let pride get int he way of saying sorry and making amends even if you in the right!
Al-Irhaab
08-04-07, 05:39 PM
the first rule of an argument : i am always right
the second rule of an argument: you have the right to shut up ya mouff :torture:
mashallah i just realised...am amee jee and abu jee never argue :love:
and yes shes always right :love:
Abu Mus'ab
08-04-07, 05:46 PM
If y'all want to argoo then make sure you don't marry one of those people who give 3 talaaqs one time *Roll Eyes*
If y'all want to argoo then make sure you don't marry one of those people who give 3 talaaqs one time *Roll Eyes*
aint 3 ina row invalid anyhoot :scratch:
Al-Irhaab
08-04-07, 05:55 PM
aint 3 ina row invalid anyhoot :scratch:
nope for the hanafis three in a row is permanent divorce whilst for the shafis its only classed as one...
ur_yusra
08-04-07, 06:02 PM
Ideal Maritial Conversement
wife: Do some housework..
husband: Erm.. I thought that was your role in life?
wife: Shut up you not knows good for nothing loserfied fool.
husband: Erm.. ok :scratch: Make me some tea..
wife: Do I look like your slave??
husband: Coming to think of it - yeah you do actually.
wife: Oh really? *takes kettle and chucks it in the bin*
husband: Do you think kettles grow on trees?
wife: No but your money does.. *takes his wallet and throws it out of the window*
Abu Mus'ab
08-04-07, 06:03 PM
how ghey :embar: what if u got nothing to be sorry for, if u always admit ur wrong how can ur opinion be taken seriously :p
People like to take advantage *Roll Eyes*
Ideal Maritial Conversement
wife: Do some housework..
husband: Erm.. I thought that was your role in life?
wife: Shut up you not knows good for nothing loserfied fool.
husband: Erm.. ok :scratch: Make me some tea..
wife: Do I look like your slave??
husband: Coming to think of it - yeah you do actually.
wife: Oh really? *takes kettle and chucks it in the bin*
husband: Do you think kettles grow on trees?
wife: No but your money does.. *takes his wallet and throws it out of the window*
i hope she took his money out first :rubeyes:
Abu Mus'ab
08-04-07, 06:06 PM
aint 3 ina row invalid anyhoot :scratch:
Like Al-Irhaab said not according to everyone.
Abdulah
08-04-07, 06:28 PM
Dont,
when the arguments finished, after the shouting etc, don't carrying on by yourself saying things as it will only annoy the person you argeud with. Really gets on my nerves.
Do,
be the one to say sorry first if it was your fault in the firstplace:)
never go to sleep angry with eachother :nono:
be the first to apologise even if it wasnt your bad
if all fails, do like my amee jee does and CLAP your hands together in pleading form and say "oh swaalyo" :D
*husbands backs down*
greenwater
08-04-07, 09:32 PM
I think one of the things people have difficulty when arguing is that they find it hard to not shout, interrupt each other, or think carefully about the words coming out of their mouths, therefore both misunderstand each other's viewpoint, and rather than there being a general disagreement, with both trying to come to a solution/compromise in a civil manner, it ends up just a verbal fight.
When both are so emotionally charged, it may be a good idea to write down your viewpoint/opinion etc on paper (which avoids both interrupting each other), and then swap the papers. This way you'll have time to think how best to get across what you want to say, and there'll be less misunderstanding. Once you both have been able to get across your viewpoint, and built the foundation for the discussion, inshAllah it'll be a discussion of the issue with the aim to come to a solution/compromise, rather than an argument.
Abu Mus'ab
08-04-07, 09:38 PM
When both are so emotionally charged, it may be a good idea to write down your viewpoint/opinion etc on paper (which avoids both interrupting each other), and then swap the papers. This way you'll have time to think how best to get across what you want to say, and there'll be less misunderstanding.
hmm that gives me an idea, people can have their maritial disputes on a forum or msn or something, i must keep that in mind *Roll Eyes*
arguments arent a big deal, ur bound to annoy each other at some point in a marriage or living with people in close quarters, so say what u have to say to each other , maybe even shout a little bit if u need too, and give the door a good slam on your way out of the room and go sulk on ur own for a bit (always makes me feel better anyway) be the first to go and say sorry, and make sure u clear the air before u go to sleep and never mention it again .. thats the way we do it in my family. never bring up past arguments, just get it out, get over it ,forgive each other, forget about it and dont speak of it again and never ever use anyones mistakes against them in the future insha Allah or bring them up again because we all make them :up:
and nothing wrong with arguing its just part of human nature man even my cats fight with each other, and the birds get ticked off with each other sometimes too and start screaming at each other, its just got to be done sometimes and even the wife of umar ibn al khattab used to argue with him, as did the wives of the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam according to sahih narrations :)
Lambo5688
08-04-07, 10:20 PM
How come my mom's always right.
But I SHALL change that. Muhaaha I will be the correct one when I get married.
and whats a "swaalyo"?
But I think when two people get into argument, one of them should say sorry and get it over with. Sheesh.
my gf used to tell me her husband and her always quarrel... and she hates to quarrel with her husband... she say it hurts her heart when it happens... i told her it takes 2 to quarrel... (she being 1 of the 2)... after that... whenever there is a chance to quarrel with her husband, she'll remember what i said and she'll try to hold her tongue and tries to not make it a quarrel... then she realised how hard it is for her not to quarrel with her husband... ;)
yes, say sorry for arguing with a person, but after that, address the issue and not pointing fingers at anyone and stand firm on what you believe (only if you know for sure what you're saying)...
i know how to end an argument and u dont even have to say sorry!
while your arguing, jus crack a joke (u gotta be funny like me for it to work :D ) right in the middle of the argument, boom! sorted :p
dont worry i wont take money for this gem of a advice
Medievalist
09-04-07, 10:47 AM
In mine we've adopted the attitude that when one is angry the other doesnt say anything - alhamdulillah.
Its gone both ways - when Im angered over something she doesnt say anything, NOTHING at all, to inflame me. Which is something that I find very pleasing.
Similarly when she does something to anger me then my natural thing is to be quiet. Thats apparently how she knows Im angry cos I go quiet and stop talking - so alhamdulillah its good.
And theres no shame in asking for forgiveness - with desi wives they LOVE it when the husband asks for forgiveness if he has done anything to upset them. (Nami take notes) - agar meri taraf se koi ghalati ho gay ho to Allah ki ridha ke liya mujhe maaf karna.
They love it.
Abu Mus'ab
09-04-07, 10:50 AM
*takes notes* *Roll Eyes*
people who dont use the word "sorry" in their vocabulary are the most irritating ever
Redmist
09-04-07, 10:55 AM
Theirs more creative ways of saying sorry.....like look at her forlorn and head low as if ur about to cry. Im sure the married folks no plenty of ways of saying sorry :p
The best thing to do is wind her up when she's angry, she'll love that!
She'll go all weak at the knees :D
people who dont use the word "sorry" in their vocabulary are the most irritating ever
true ukhti nothing wrong with saying ur sorry at all :up: i like the advice about cracking a joke mid row :D masha Allah im gonna try that inshaAllah if i ever find myself in an argument
Medievalist
09-04-07, 10:59 AM
Theirs more creative ways of saying sorry.....like look at her forlorn and head low as if ur about to cry. Im sure the married folks no plenty of ways of saying sorry :p
thats just pathetic :torture:
The way to say sorry and still be the man is to make it clear that you feel no shame in asking for forgiveness and that you man enough to admit you've got faults.
The type who act arrogant feel humiliated when apologising and thats when the wife in a way has a higher stance over him. If the husband even when apologising makes clear that it doesnt irritate his ego in any way then even in that situation he is the man and she is subervient to him - she will love him for it.
true ukhti nothing wrong with saying ur sorry at all :up: i like the advice about cracking a joke mid row :D masha Allah im gonna try that inshaAllah if i ever find myself in an argument
trust me, it works sis, whether its with husband, sister, brother, mum, dad, your kids if things are really heated :up:
or jus say something really random in the middle of it :p
Theirs more creative ways of saying sorry.....like look at her forlorn and head low as if ur about to cry. Im sure the married folks no plenty of ways of saying sorry :p
The best thing to do is wind her up when she's angry, she'll love that!
She'll go all weak at the knees :D
my youngest son ( whoose mid teens at the moment so i`ll let him off ) goes and hoovers the house and starts cleaning the kitchen when hes been giving me greif lol its his way of saying sorry :up: ( beware of winding up an already angry woman btw..)
Redmist
09-04-07, 11:04 AM
thats just pathetic :torture:
The way to say sorry and still be the man is to make it clear that you feel no shame in asking for forgiveness and that you man enough to admit you've got faults.
The type who act arrogant feel humiliated when apologising and thats when the wife in a way has a higher stance over him. If the husband even when apologising makes clear that it doesnt irritate his ego in any way then even in that situation he is the man and she is subervient to him - she will love him for it.
Ur not very romantic are you Medievalist!
Im saying act like that once in a while to keep the spark up in the marriage, not be a walkover all the time.
Geez :rolleyes:
Medievalist
09-04-07, 11:07 AM
Ur not very romantic are you Medievalist!
Im saying act like that once in a while to keep the spark up in the marriage, not be a walkover all the time.
Jeez :rolleyes:
its not abt being a walkover- because on the Day she could come up as a witness against you. When you might be wrong you apologise for it - rest of the time you do what you need to.
Redmist - are you married bruv? Cos theres other ways of keeping the spark up :coolbro:
me? romantic? NEVER :torture:
Redmist
09-04-07, 11:13 AM
its not abt being a walkover- because on the Day she could come up as a witness against you. When you might be wrong you apologise for it - rest of the time you do what you need to.
Redmist - are you married bruv? Cos theres other ways of keeping the spark up :coolbro:
me? romantic? NEVER :torture:
Dont worry bruv i know plenty of ways of keeping the spark up......you dont have to tell me :coolbro:
I have been married so i know all about it :rolleyes:
If I get arguments with my bro,sis,mum or dad..
I just tell them what I want in soft way...then I won't speak anything till they get in good mood..whether it's 1 day 2...because making argument continously on one topic I just hate..one should keep quite..and keep patience.
heaven2002
09-04-07, 11:24 AM
if you are angry there are things u can do
like drink a glass of water
do wudhu
lie down for a bit
i think theres a hadith that relates to this, where the Prophet SAW gave advice for calming down anger?
In mine we've adopted the attitude that when one is angry the other doesnt say anything - alhamdulillah.
Its gone both ways - when Im angered over something she doesnt say anything, NOTHING at all, to inflame me. Which is something that I find very pleasing.
i dont think that works with everyone,i did that to my one of my
girlfriends once, i.e jus let her get it of her chest, that girl just droned on and on and on, i dont think she took a breath
i dont think that works with everyone,i did that to my one of my
girlfriends once, i.e jus let her get it of her chest, that girl just droned on and on and on, i dont think she took a breath
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rofl1:
Niqaabi
09-04-07, 12:27 PM
i know how to end an argument and u dont even have to say sorry!
while your arguing, jus crack a joke (u gotta be funny like me for it to work :D ) right in the middle of the argument, boom! sorted :p
dont worry i wont take money for this gem of a advice
LOL it wouldnt work with me i can just imagine *screens goes all funny into a dream*
Hubby: blah blah blah blah blah...
Me: two bearded brothers walk into a bar *da dun tish* :D
Hubby: Are you mocking me? Im here angry and upset and you cracking jokes! How dare you be so insensitive.
Me: :rolleyes:
Hubby: Pack your bags your staying at your mothers!!
Me: :(:crying::mad::buttkick:
And theres no shame in asking for forgiveness - with desi wives they LOVE it when the husband asks for forgiveness if he has done anything to upset them. (Nami take notes) - agar meri taraf se koi ghalati ho gay ho to Allah ki ridha ke liya mujhe maaf karna.
They love it.
RUN MUREED!!!
while your arguing, jus crack a joke (u gotta be funny like me for it to work :D ) right in the middle of the argument, boom! sorted :p
:eek: You do that as well?! :up: Or sayin something really daft and smiling like this :D Doesnt matter how angry they are, they cant help but smile as well :D Works the best to cheer up mum alhumdulillah :p
:eek: You do that as well?! :up: Or sayin something really daft and smiling like this :D Doesnt matter how angry they are, they cant help but smile as well :D Works the best to cheer up mum alhumdulillah :p
there we go, exactly like that.
sis niqaabi, its the way u say it (dont worry ill teach u :p )
Medievalist
09-04-07, 12:57 PM
RUN MUREED!!!
:rolleyes: :zzz:
Arguments ey?
hmm all i know is when am right am right and when am wrong i could have been right:rolleyes:
Arabiya
14-07-07, 08:36 PM
At the end of the day its always best to forgive, like our prophet *pbuh* always did.. but obviously there are times where you have to draw the line..
i dont know if this thread is refering to general arguing.. or between a husband and wife. But in marriage just try to be a dutififul wife- but stay strong and defend yourself when needed. Marriage is half of our deen, so we must be patient :) . with family, it is natural to argue.. at the end of the day you just got to think of things logically- balance everyones point of views, stay cool and patient. Arguments come and go, just dont be a drama queen and pass actions or judgements whilst you are in an emotional state; the amount of people that make that mistake is shocking. Sabroun jameeloun :)
ur_yusra
14-07-07, 09:10 PM
Keep arguing until you get your way :o
Life is too short for arguements. You never know what could happend to one another and do you really want the last time you saw them to have been when you were absuing them or saying you hate them or some other :wacko:, random thing? Alhumdulillah, I try to avoid all fitnah! :hidban:
We will be accountable for all our actions, including the way in which we treat your husband/wife! :up: and if that in itself is not enough to put you off :nervous: then I don't know what will stop you! :outta:
السَّابِقُونَ
14-07-07, 09:21 PM
Ideal Maritial Conversement
wife: Do some housework..
husband: Erm.. I thought that was your role in life?
wife: Shut up you not knows good for nothing loserfied fool.
husband: Erm.. ok :scratch: Make me some tea..
wife: Do I look like your slave??
husband: Coming to think of it - yeah you do actually.
wife: Oh really? *takes kettle and chucks it in the bin*
husband: Do you think kettles grow on trees?
wife: No but your money does.. *takes his wallet and throws it out of the window*
:rotfl: SUBHANALLAH!!
Cartman
14-07-07, 09:24 PM
my dad says when you get in an arguement with women(or anyone for that matter).
You should just walk away, or go pray 2 rakahs
I don't understand arguments really? Why not just give in? If the man gives in and says "sorry, it's all my fault", whats going to happen to his pride/respect? nothing! If the woman gives in and says "sorry, it's all my fault" whats going to happen to her pride/respect? nothing!
This life is temporary, you are not a winner if you think you had the upper hand in an argument.
ur_yusra
14-07-07, 09:33 PM
I don't understand arguments really? Why not just give in? If the man gives in and says "sorry, it's all my fault", whats going to happen? nothing! If the woman gives in and says "sorry, it's all my fault" whats going to happen? nothing!
This life is temporary, you are not a winner if you think you had the upper hand in an argument.
Is not about that.. say you want something and your husband wants something else.. and what he wants is totally ridiculous then you're bound to argue.
Is not about that.. say you want something and your husband wants something else.. and what he wants is totally ridiculous then you're bound to argue.
for example?
what could you possibly want from this life which would cause an argument?
Reptile
14-07-07, 09:37 PM
If im right i like to argue to they finally see my way, but lately it takes too much effort sort im like 'yea yea fineee'
easier thing is not to keep on arguing until they see your point, just creates more hostility and does not solve the problem just move on to something new - change subject
some great advice i was given:
Arguements are an unfortunate part of marriage. When I was married, I was given the advice to never, EVER go to bed mad. Even if the issue is a long way from resolution, saying something along the lines of "I love you, and I'm sure we'll work this out and laugh about it later", is a good policy.
Abu_Mohammad_21
14-07-07, 09:45 PM
Arguing is extremely destructive and rarely brings about any good.
In the heat of an argument either of the two can easily lose control and say some hurtful things. I’ve noticed how arguments over trivial matters can become very personal, the guys actually aim to cause as much hurt as possible to eachother. The initial problem is hardly ever dealt with.
Why argue?
If you sense an argument coming, hold your tongue, just be quiet, don’t aggravate the situation. You only get results from calm, composed discussions. It is important to be open and when necessary make concessions.
Arguing is extremely destructive and rarely brings about any good.
In the heat of an argument either of the two can easily lose control and say some hurtful things. I’ve noticed how arguments over trivial matters can become very personal, the guys actually aim to cause as much hurt as possible to eachother. The initial problem is hardly ever dealt with.
Why argue?
If you sense an argument coming, hold your tongue, just be quiet, don’t aggravate the situation. You only get results from calm, composed discussions. It is important to be open and when necessary make concessions.
excellent points.
why fuel an argument by arguing back? makes no sence, it just seems that the person feels the need to show whos boss or something, which is stupid.
the fuel in a argument dies out very very quickly if the second person does not add more fuel to it. ;)
best tip: a person can not argue by him/herself unless there is something seriously wrong with them mentally. so don't say anything back.
for anyone who argues about material things, allah help them...
Reptile
14-07-07, 09:59 PM
why do u mean something wrong with them mentally?
when your upset and angry tell me if you think that rationally
why do u mean something wrong with them mentally?
when your upset and angry tell me if you think that rationally
if you're arguing about things which are not important, then something is wrong, if it is not an argument about lack of islam, then there is no point arguing, even then there are better ways of getting the message across than arguing. the only thing important in this world is islam. forget about material things.
if you're arguing about the material world, it normally means you're trapped in the traps of the "dunya".
Muslimah Wifey
14-07-07, 10:48 PM
i think theres a hadith that relates to this, where the Prophet SAW gave advice for calming down anger?
Yes, here is the hadith:
Sunan of Abu Dawood, Narrated Abu Dharr, r.a.
The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said to us: When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.
Here is another:
Sunan of Abu Dawood, Narrated Atiyyah as-Sa'di, r.a.
AbuWa'il al-Qass said: We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn as-Sa'di. A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he stood and performed ablution; he then returned and performed ablution, and said: My father told me on the authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.
Also some very nice advice giving to us by my father in law, right before our wedding was that marriage is like a string. And if you both pull from opposite sides of the string at the same time, it will break. So instead when one is pulling from oneside, you have to go with them and be lenient and when the other pulls from the other, same thing. :up:
My father gave me a couple of pieces of advice on marriage before he passed away. He had pulled me aside so that it was just him and I and said, "Son, when you and your wife fight; and you will fight, you have two choices in front of you. You can choose to be right or you can choose to be happy." At which point he burst into tears and ran away
In my home, I always have the last word in an argument...I say "yes dear"
:p
My father gave me a couple of pieces of advice on marriage before he passed away. He had pulled me aside so that it was just him and I and said, "Son, when you and your wife fight; and you will fight, you have two choices in front of you. You can choose to be right or you can choose to be happy." At which point he burst into tears and ran away
In my home, I always have the last word in an argument...I say "yes dear"
:p
see, i see nothing wrong with that. infact, i think you are "more" man if you do that! :up:
krystal~sky
15-07-07, 11:58 AM
I don't understand why do you have to start arguing with your husband. You'll definitely have disagreements but there's no need to argue. If you feel like you're about to get angry then take a break to cool off, sort things out, choose the right words and then go back to the subject.
The reason I think arguments should be avoided is that married people take arguments from their spouses too personally, unlike arguments with a person you're not so closely related to. It's important to apologize if you hurt your husband, and I want to remind men that women don't take the word "sorry" as an apology for doing a mistake, but your wife would interpret it as caring about her feelings; you're sorry that she's been hurt, and the word acts like magic.
sometimes its heaven sent
then we head back to hell again
krystal~sky
15-07-07, 12:05 PM
If I get arguments with my bro,sis,mum or dad..
I just tell them what I want in soft way...then I won't speak anything till they get in good mood..whether it's 1 day 2...because making argument continously on one topic I just hate..one should keep quite..and keep patience.
Thank you! Jazak Allah khair:up:
Noor_Usman
15-07-07, 08:20 PM
Asalamalikum.
I don't know if it's already been said but when you back down from an arguement and say sorry you get blessings for it. More so if you know you are in the right but by saying sorry in order to stop the arguement you get many blessings :up:
Sparkle
15-07-07, 08:51 PM
aruguing exposes the ugliness in everyone ... :(
algharib
18-07-07, 02:48 PM
recently had an argument with my soon to be wife and i decided to give her space. The problem resulted from a thing i had to do, you see i fight thai boxing and i'll soon be going for a tournament to fight someone who once fought with a good friend of mine that eventually died after sustainning injuries and she does not just want me to quit this paricular fight but stop fighting tournaments completely.I appreciate her love and concern, but you see i do it cause it's a hobby and it's part of my deen to stay fit.Well i have made the decision to participate in this specific tournament since im gong to finally meet the guy that beat my friend down one on one, i do hate to see her down and out but i have to do it i just hope she comes to understand my decision and even if i die then it was meant to be but i must do it.
Na'eemah
18-07-07, 03:04 PM
But will the fight be just because it's a hobby or will the feelings of anger that you're friend died because of him get in the way?
Are Muslims allowed to fight people who caused their friends to die? I thought you're only allowed to fight for Islam? =S
ur_yusra
18-07-07, 03:28 PM
recently had an argument with my soon to be wife and i decided to give her space. The problem resulted from a thing i had to do, you see i fight thai boxing and i'll soon be going for a tournament to fight someone who once fought with a good friend of mine that eventually died after sustainning injuries and she does not just want me to quit this paricular fight but stop fighting tournaments completely.I appreciate her love and concern, but you see i do it cause it's a hobby and it's part of my deen to stay fit.Well i have made the decision to participate in this specific tournament since im gong to finally meet the guy that beat my friend down one on one, i do hate to see her down and out but i have to do it i just hope she comes to understand my decision and even if i die then it was meant to be but i must do it.
Isn't boxing haraam?
recently had an argument with my soon to be wife and i decided to give her space. The problem resulted from a thing i had to do, you see i fight thai boxing and i'll soon be going for a tournament to fight someone who once fought with a good friend of mine that eventually died after sustainning injuries and she does not just want me to quit this paricular fight but stop fighting tournaments completely.I appreciate her love and concern, but you see i do it cause it's a hobby and it's part of my deen to stay fit.Well i have made the decision to participate in this specific tournament since im gong to finally meet the guy that beat my friend down one on one, i do hate to see her down and out but i have to do it i just hope she comes to understand my decision and even if i die then it was meant to be but i must do it.
The last bit is not true, you are choosing to do this, you will not die if you don't do this. I would understand if you said "i must breath", because if you chose to stop breathing, then you would be in a situation.
The other bold part, yes it is part of your deen to look after yourself, but according to many scholars, activities like this are haraam, based on fatwas about boxing. i.e. you can do standard boxing training, but you can't hit anyone.
Abu Mus'ab
18-07-07, 05:15 PM
recently had an argument with my soon to be wife and i decided to give her space. The problem resulted from a thing i had to do, you see i fight thai boxing and i'll soon be going for a tournament to fight someone who once fought with a good friend of mine that eventually died after sustainning injuries and she does not just want me to quit this paricular fight but stop fighting tournaments completely.I appreciate her love and concern, but you see i do it cause it's a hobby and it's part of my deen to stay fit.Well i have made the decision to participate in this specific tournament since im gong to finally meet the guy that beat my friend down one on one, i do hate to see her down and out but i have to do it i just hope she comes to understand my decision and even if i die then it was meant to be but i must do it.
Part of your deen is to stay fit, part of your deen is not to have the mush beaten outta yer head :rolleyes:
algharib
18-07-07, 07:51 PM
i fight to gain strength and stamina due to it's many advantages. I guess i'll break the ice, you see this will be my last tournament cause i do need to let it go cause i myself have injuries from my legs,my right arm and serious headaches. My doctor advised me to give it up completely, but that is after the fight...The guy i'll fight is a mushrik and he deserves to be beaten 100% down because he thought he was some superman after beating someone to death, can u imagine? he needs to learn his lesson. My fiancee thinks he'll beat me down and personally i don't like people telling me when fighting or pursuing good things that i can't acheive what i plan to seek. I shall be fighting a week after my nikkah and due to the tournament i would not be available on the big day due to training, cause i'll be travelling out of the country. Problems well always be there, it's just that we need to consider understanding our ways are of paramount iportance.May Allah make our affairs easy for us,amin.
ur_yusra
18-07-07, 08:05 PM
i fight to gain strength and stamina due to it's many advantages. I guess i'll break the ice, you see this will be my last tournament cause i do need to let it go cause i myself have injuries from my legs,my right arm and serious headaches. My doctor advised me to give it up completely, but that is after the fight...The guy i'll fight is a mushrik and he deserves to be beaten 100% down because he thought he was some superman after beating someone to death, can u imagine? he needs to learn his lesson. My fiancee thinks he'll beat me down and personally i don't like people telling me when fighting or pursuing good things that i can't acheive what i plan to seek. I shall be fighting a week after my nikkah and due to the tournament i would not be available on the big day due to training, cause i'll be travelling out of the country. Problems well always be there, it's just that we need to consider understanding our ways are of paramount iportance.May Allah make our affairs easy for us,amin.
You are an extremely inconsiderate person. You are not pleasing Allah (swt) by boxing, beating up others and being hurt yourself.
Why on Earth is she marrying you.
algharib
18-07-07, 08:27 PM
Why on Earth is she marrying you.
Because she said she fell in love with a good,compassionate,soft heartened brother that will be a good dad to her children. I pray Allah makes me better than what she thinks i am. You see ukti ur_yusra i am a human being,im imperfect but i want u to understand my situation,this is not revenge but a sort of punishment cause had it been it was revenge, i have links and connections with people to make him disappear and he'll pray for death before meeting me ever had it been like 5 years ago the incident happend. But no i won't do that cause we believe in being just, even on the kuffar. So ukti, pls pray for me and if u were around when that mushrik said no muslim in this world can bring him down and he saying such stuff makes me mad.Hope u reason and understand me dear sister in Islam.
algharib
22-07-07, 01:45 PM
Arguments are indeed unhealthy and could bring serious harm to the ummah.In regards to my predicament i have come to understand that one should not let trival issues make u despise someone unless for a valid reason and we should always consider other people's feelings especially our spouses. We should learn to be forgiving and merciful because it's a trait Allah loves and also have in mind that anger comkes from Satan.
Cristiana
22-07-07, 02:10 PM
1) When a problem arises, let it come out RIGHT AWAY. This wasy you'll avoid the problem (and the resentment!) to escalate.
2) Apologize WHEN YOU MEAN IT. Fake apologies are patronizing and (rightfully) enrage the receiver (at least, ME!).
3) Accept the apology and FORGIVE & FORGET. The issue must not be brought back up everytime you discuss, just for the sake of recriminating.
4) Try to see it with your spouse's eyes :up: before you jump to his/her throat!!!
Arguments are indeed unhealthy and could bring serious harm to the ummah.In regards to my predicament i have come to understand that one should not let trival issues make u despise someone unless for a valid reason and we should always consider other people's feelings especially our spouses. We should learn to be forgiving and merciful because it's a trait Allah loves and also have in mind that anger comkes from Satan.
sah :jkk: akhi, and anger for the sake of Allah is allowed indeed encouraged, its part of our walaa wal baraa, we love what Allah loves and we hate what Allah hates, and its really important for spouses to agree to return to the Quran and sahih sunnah for the answer if there is any dispute.
hope u dont mind me mentioning this insha Allah, but in the case with the kick boxing then u would find the sahih hadith that states it is not permissible to hit someone in the face, my mushrik brother does kick boxing and not only do they hit people in the face, but knee them ,and kick them in their faces and heads , so ur fiance was absolutely right may Allah reward her amin, its haram to beat people down like that around their heads , kick boxing isnt permitted to be used on people (outside of the battle feild) so obey Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam then there will be no arguments, cos future spouses usually get really upset when the other starts doing something haram, stick to the deen and no rows insha Allah simple as..
Ruling on Boxing
Question:
My local mosque is thinking about setting up boxing classes. I wanted to know whether this is permissibile. The reason being that is there not a hadith of the Prophet (SAW) where he sees two men wrestling/ sparring and he tells them to avoid the face for we have been created in the likeness of Adam (AS)? According to this, is it mub'ah to practice boxing with another brother and hit one another in the face?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Islamic sharee’ah permits all things that are beneficial to the body and do not harm it, and it forbids all things that may cause damage or harm to the body. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Your body has rights over you.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Kitaab al-Sawm, 1839)
If sports are free from things which are forbidden in sharee’ah, then practising those sports is beneficial. Boxing is an ancient sport that was practised by the Greeks.
Boxing is the worst kind of sport, and probably it does not even deserve to be called a sport, despite the fact that western nations, in particular – where boxing is widespread at a professional level – call it “the noble sport” and a form of self-defence. They forget, or overlook, the fact that the main aim of boxing is to harm one's opponent and throw him to the ground, preferably with the “decisive blow” (or “knock-out”), as they call it, which is the highest level of victory in boxing.
“Many voices have been raised in the parliaments of many countries demanding a ban on professional boxing, in view of the harm that has been caused to many boxers. Sweden has succeeded in imposing such a ban, whilst many other nations have failed to do so, despite the many injuries, and even deaths, caused to many professional boxers as a direct result of this violent sport.
The fact of the matter is that the deaths of so many boxers is the reason for many voices calling for an end to this sport, or at least the imposition of strict rules to limit its violence.” (From Huna London magazine, issue # 413, March 1983).
Dr. Roger Whirty, the spokesman of the British Medical Council in Wales, spoke of the aims of the Council’s campaign against boxing: “We want to show everyone that boxing is an extremely dangerous sport, not only because of the increasing number of fatalities, but also because of the disabilities which affect many more times that number. In order to achieve that, we are trying to put pressure on various official bodies to condemn this sport, and not to consider it to be a sport at all. I reiterate once again that the danger of this sport lies in the harm caused to hundreds of boxers as a result of the disabilities that they suffer.
The number of boxers who have died as a result of injuries sustained in boxing between 1945 and 1983 is three hundred and fifty.” (From Huna London magazine, issue # 413, March 1983).
The Islamic attitude towards this sport:
The principles of Islam are completely opposed to the idea of the ummah accepting this dangerous deviation as a moral or intellectual trend which would permit such violent fights between members of the ummah or of the human race as a whole.
Among these principles we may list the following:
1. Harm. We have already mentioned the harm and danger to human life involved in this sport, and the testimony of western specialists who are motivated by their humanitarian feelings to fight and strive to eliminate boxing from the international sporting lexicon.
2. Violating the sanctity of the face. Boxing is based on allowing punches to the face of one's opponent using the maximum force that one possesses. Blows to the face earn more points than blows to any other part of the body. This clearly goes against the teaching of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), as narrated by Abu Hurayrah: “When any one of you fights, let him avoid (striking) the face.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 5/215).
Al-Haafiz said: “This prohibition also includes all those who are struck for the purpose of hadd or ta’zeer punishments or discipline. According to the hadeeth narrated by Abu Bakrah and others, which was recorded by Abu Dawood and others, about the woman who had committed adultery, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded that she should be stoned to death, and said, ‘Stone her, but avoid the face.’ (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4/152). If that is the command in the case of one who is being punished and is going to die anyway, then the rule is even more applicable in cases of lesser severity.” See al-Fath, 5/216
Al-Nawawi said: “The scholars said: it is forbidden to strike the face because it is soft and all of a person's beauty and most of his senses are located there. If the face is hit, there is the fear that all or some of them may be destroyed or disfigured. Any defect in the face is a terrible thing because it is so prominent and obvious, and usually the person who is hit in the face will not be spared some disfigurement.” (al-Fath, 5/216).
In al-Fath, he says concerning the specific prohibition narrated in the hadeeth:
“Al-Nawawi did not discuss the details of this prohibition. It is clear that it is haraam, and this is supported by the hadeeth of Suwayd ibn Maqran al-Sahaabi, that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a man slap a slave (or a boy) in the face, and he said, “Do you not know that the face is inviolate?” (Muslim, 3/1280.
Qadaaya al-Lahw wa’l-Tarfeeh, p. 373
algharib
22-07-07, 02:38 PM
sah :jkk: akhi, and anger for the sake of Allah is allowed indeed encouraged, its part of our walaa wal baraa, we love what Allah loves and we hate what Allah hates, and its really important for spouses to agree to return to the Quran and sahih sunnah for the answer if there is any dispute.
hope u dont mind me mentioning this insha Allah, but in the case with the kick boxing then u would find the sahih hadith that states it is not permissible to hit someone in the face, my mushrik brother does kick boxing and not only do they hit people in the face, but knee them ,and kick them in their faces and heads , so ur fiance was absolutely right may Allah reward her amin, its haram to beat people down like that around their heads , kick boxing isnt permitted to be used on people (outside of the battle feild) so obey Allah and his messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam then there will be no arguments, cos future spouses usually get really upset when the other starts doing something haram, stick to the deen and no rows insha Allah simple as..
Ruling on Boxing
Question:
My local mosque is thinking about setting up boxing classes. I wanted to know whether this is permissibile. The reason being that is there not a hadith of the Prophet (SAW) where he sees two men wrestling/ sparring and he tells them to avoid the face for we have been created in the likeness of Adam (AS)? According to this, is it mub'ah to practice boxing with another brother and hit one another in the face?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Islamic sharee’ah permits all things that are beneficial to the body and do not harm it, and it forbids all things that may cause damage or harm to the body. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Your body has rights over you.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Kitaab al-Sawm, 1839)
If sports are free from things which are forbidden in sharee’ah, then practising those sports is beneficial. Boxing is an ancient sport that was practised by the Greeks.
Boxing is the worst kind of sport, and probably it does not even deserve to be called a sport, despite the fact that western nations, in particular – where boxing is widespread at a professional level – call it “the noble sport” and a form of self-defence. They forget, or overlook, the fact that the main aim of boxing is to harm one's opponent and throw him to the ground, preferably with the “decisive blow” (or “knock-out”), as they call it, which is the highest level of victory in boxing.
“Many voices have been raised in the parliaments of many countries demanding a ban on professional boxing, in view of the harm that has been caused to many boxers. Sweden has succeeded in imposing such a ban, whilst many other nations have failed to do so, despite the many injuries, and even deaths, caused to many professional boxers as a direct result of this violent sport.
The fact of the matter is that the deaths of so many boxers is the reason for many voices calling for an end to this sport, or at least the imposition of strict rules to limit its violence.” (From Huna London magazine, issue # 413, March 1983).
Dr. Roger Whirty, the spokesman of the British Medical Council in Wales, spoke of the aims of the Council’s campaign against boxing: “We want to show everyone that boxing is an extremely dangerous sport, not only because of the increasing number of fatalities, but also because of the disabilities which affect many more times that number. In order to achieve that, we are trying to put pressure on various official bodies to condemn this sport, and not to consider it to be a sport at all. I reiterate once again that the danger of this sport lies in the harm caused to hundreds of boxers as a result of the disabilities that they suffer.
The number of boxers who have died as a result of injuries sustained in boxing between 1945 and 1983 is three hundred and fifty.” (From Huna London magazine, issue # 413, March 1983).
The Islamic attitude towards this sport:
The principles of Islam are completely opposed to the idea of the ummah accepting this dangerous deviation as a moral or intellectual trend which would permit such violent fights between members of the ummah or of the human race as a whole.
Among these principles we may list the following:
1. Harm. We have already mentioned the harm and danger to human life involved in this sport, and the testimony of western specialists who are motivated by their humanitarian feelings to fight and strive to eliminate boxing from the international sporting lexicon.
2. Violating the sanctity of the face. Boxing is based on allowing punches to the face of one's opponent using the maximum force that one possesses. Blows to the face earn more points than blows to any other part of the body. This clearly goes against the teaching of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), as narrated by Abu Hurayrah: “When any one of you fights, let him avoid (striking) the face.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 5/215).
Al-Haafiz said: “This prohibition also includes all those who are struck for the purpose of hadd or ta’zeer punishments or discipline. According to the hadeeth narrated by Abu Bakrah and others, which was recorded by Abu Dawood and others, about the woman who had committed adultery, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded that she should be stoned to death, and said, ‘Stone her, but avoid the face.’ (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4/152). If that is the command in the case of one who is being punished and is going to die anyway, then the rule is even more applicable in cases of lesser severity.” See al-Fath, 5/216
Al-Nawawi said: “The scholars said: it is forbidden to strike the face because it is soft and all of a person's beauty and most of his senses are located there. If the face is hit, there is the fear that all or some of them may be destroyed or disfigured. Any defect in the face is a terrible thing because it is so prominent and obvious, and usually the person who is hit in the face will not be spared some disfigurement.” (al-Fath, 5/216).
In al-Fath, he says concerning the specific prohibition narrated in the hadeeth:
“Al-Nawawi did not discuss the details of this prohibition. It is clear that it is haraam, and this is supported by the hadeeth of Suwayd ibn Maqran al-Sahaabi, that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a man slap a slave (or a boy) in the face, and he said, “Do you not know that the face is inviolate?” (Muslim, 3/1280.
Qadaaya al-Lahw wa’l-Tarfeeh, p. 373
Jazakiallahu khayrun katheeran uktii Asiya, i love u for the sake of Allah, and guess what? i have made up my mind to retire and will not fight the tournament anymore even though it's killin me inside but im 100% confident it's best to put Allah's Pleasure before mine. I really had to give up and my body was telling me to do so cuz the other day i collapsed and was still masaging my ego that im gonna do it...Pls make dua for me and for all those that are guided and in darkness. Once agaib Jzk sis'....:up:
Jazakiallahu khayrun katheeran uktii Asiya, i love u for the sake of Allah, and guess what? i have made up my mind to retire and will not fight the tournament anymore even though it's killin me inside but im 100% confident it's best to put Allah's Pleasure before mine. I really had to give up and my body was telling me to do so cuz the other day i collapsed and was still masaging my ego that im gonna do it...Pls make dua for me and for all those that are guided and in darkness. Once agaib Jzk sis'....:up:
wa anta, wa jakazAllahu khairin kathirin akhi masha Allah, subhanAllah! may Allah ta ala give u strength i know how very hard that must be for u, i do understand the determination and drive and dedication that comes with doing any martial arts or kickboxing, muaythai and so on, may Allah reward u abundantly for what u give up for His sake ta ala. Alhamdulillah u can still train akhi as u did, and u have good skills if u ever needed them masha Allah. May Allah ta ala continue to guide u and may He ta ala bless ur marriage u sound like u have a very caring sweet wife to be insha Allah, may Allah ta ala bless her, and give u both many pious offspring amin. barakAllahu feekum amin.
( akhi how about tryining something like aikido, its fantastic masha Allah, and no heavy contact, no face hitting and u can take out ur opponent with one move, its a bit like physics.. u use the force they come at u with to repel them without harm, cool clothes too that cover properly heres a little clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4_3TdHBAvA&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Etagged%2Ecom%2Fmypage%2Eht ml )
Jazakiallahu khayrun katheeran uktii Asiya, i love u for the sake of Allah, and guess what? i have made up my mind to retire and will not fight the tournament anymore even though it's killin me inside but im 100% confident it's best to put Allah's Pleasure before mine. I really had to give up and my body was telling me to do so cuz the other day i collapsed and was still masaging my ego that im gonna do it...Pls make dua for me and for all those that are guided and in darkness. Once agaib Jzk sis'....:up:
subhanallah!
giving up something you like is very difficult. its even more difficult if you have personal reasons behind it when it feels like its killing you from inside. This just shows how strong minded you really are!
It's almost like when a man can walk away when his pride is hurt. the average man would attach back, but only the truest "stronger" man can walk away and not let pride get the better of him.
:up:
1) When a problem arises, let it come out RIGHT AWAY. This wasy you'll avoid the problem (and the resentment!) to escalate.
2) Apologize WHEN YOU MEAN IT. Fake apologies are patronizing and (rightfully) enrage the receiver (at least, ME!).
3) Accept the apology and FORGIVE & FORGET. The issue must not be brought back up everytime you discuss, just for the sake of recriminating.
4) Try to see it with your spouse's eyes :up: before you jump to his/her throat!!!
:up:
algharib
23-07-07, 07:49 PM
We need to be strong and remain steadfast upon the right path even if it means we die upon trying.
Arguments are indeed unhealthy and could bring serious harm to the ummah.In regards to my predicament i have come to understand that one should not let trival issues make u despise someone unless for a valid reason and we should always consider other people's feelings especially our spouses. We should learn to be forgiving and merciful because it's a trait Allah loves and also have in mind that anger comes from Satan.
:jkk: amin sah masha Allah.
Veiled Salafiya
20-09-07, 01:33 AM
Assalaamu alaikum,
To avoid arguments, do not respond to him until you're both calm. It seems a little cold but it works and it'll save you a BIG headache in the end.
vBulletin® v3.7.2, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.