View Full Version : Divorced mother refusing sons to see their father
What has Islam got to say when a muslim woman divorced her husband because he wanted a second wife and she refused to let her sons see their father...
I wonder what the woman was thinking and how can she be so cruel out of her own selfish reason...
Her sons had to obey her innit?
:scratch:
Those children belong to the father, if she remarries he will have the right of custody of those children, he did not do anything wrong, and if she divorced him for taking a second wife alone... well there is hadith about asking for khula without just reason and taking a second wife isnt a just reason. she cannot stop him from seeing his kids, cannot use the kids to "punish" him like that, and those children have rights in Islam and they have the right to know their father and visit with him, shes fortunate he didnt take custody of them ( or perhaps they are still very small) she shouldnt use them like that its terrible for the kids and the father no matter what that man is the father of those children and also her brother in Islam seems like anger and jelousy has gotten in the way, if that is the whole case im just saying this based on what was said Allahu alam. The sons have a right to see their father and she cannot disallow them from doing that its their right before Allah ta ala to know him ( and sooooo important for them too subhanAllah! boys ( and girls but especially boys) need a father figure so badly!! )
It is very sad that the damage has already been done.... the sons were in their youth (ie. young adult age)... they could do with some manly advice regarding girls and getting married...
Will she be forgiven if she does a lot alot of prayers...?
its never too late for them to get to know their father insha Allah :) may Allah help them amin
Allahu alam only Allah ta ala can say if someone is forgiven we seek refuge in him and we must make sincere repentance, try to fix the evil that was caused, and vow to never return to that again, and ask Allah to forgive us and have hope and trust and fear of him and on the judgement day we will see Allahu alam...
its never too late for them to get to know their father insha Allah :) may Allah help them amin
Allahu alam only Allah ta ala can say if someone is forgiven we seek refuge in him and we must make sincere repentance, try to fix the evil that was caused, and vow to never return to that again, and ask Allah to forgive us and have hope and trust and fear of him and on the judgement day we will see Allahu alam...
Ya that's right, there's still time now and in the future...
mmm... what if you just pray a lot, but not specifically making the sincere repentence...? Will there be light too...?
What has Islam got to say when a muslim woman divorced her husband because he wanted a second wife and she refused to let her sons see their father...
I wonder what the woman was thinking and how can she be so cruel out of her own selfish reason...
Her sons had to obey her innit?
:scratch:
No her sons don't have to obey her if their father wants to see them. Subhanallah she has no right to deprive them of this UNLESS there is an abuse situation and the kids aren't safe with him but that is the only exception- and she should fear Allah (swt) as there are evil women out there who make up allegations to deprive their children of their father. The man getting another wife is definitely not reason enough for her to deprive him of his children.
Umm 'Umarah
03-04-07, 03:40 PM
What about the fathers who are illegal immigrants, never really cared about their children and use them for other agenda's for staying in the country?
What has Islam got to say when a muslim woman divorced her husband because he wanted a second wife and she refused to let her sons see their father...
I wonder what the woman was thinking and how can she be so cruel out of her own selfish reason...
Her sons had to obey her innit?
:scratch:
no matter how your ex-hubbie treated you, u cant use th children like this, its really really selfish and to many women (and some men) do this to get at the other party.
The father has every right to see his children, poor children jus stuck in the middle.
What about the fathers who are illegal immigrants, never really cared about their children and use them for other agenda's for staying in the country?
they are still there father sis, if his intentions are wrong that is between him and allah swt
hmm interesting question..
its not really nice to deprive the kids..if they WANT to seem em.
hmm interesting question..
its not really nice to deprive the kids..if they WANT to seem em.
if they are mature enuff to decide they dont wish to see one of the parents thats fine its their decision, but if a 3 year old says "i dont wanna see daddy"
as the other parent u have to help correct their relationship(incase there is a problem) bcos at 3yrs or 5 yrs or 7yrs, children dont really know what is best for them
if they are mature enuff to decide they dont wish to see one of the parents thats fine its their decision, but if a 3 year old says "i dont wanna see daddy"
as the other parent u have to help correct their relationship(incase there is a problem) bcos at 3yrs or 5 yrs or 7yrs, children dont really know what is best for them
true good point sis.,
:up:
if they are mature enuff to decide they dont wish to see one of the parents thats fine its their decision, but if a 3 year old says "i dont wanna see daddy"
as the other parent u have to help correct their relationship(incase there is a problem) bcos at 3yrs or 5 yrs or 7yrs, children dont really know what is best for them
so you think being an adult and refusing to see his own father because his mother said so is ok? i think it's worse cos as an adult, if he can decide not to see his own father, that's breaking relationship on purpose... which makes the person 'blind' and 'deaf' as defined in the book... if the man can accept to do such a thing, he can force his own family to do such things in future... runs in the family... that's what so scary about this type of cases...
Mujaheedah
04-04-07, 03:12 AM
does anyone know the situation of the father or the reasons for her not wanting him to see them? is the second wife issue the only problem?
does anyone know the situation of the father or the reasons for her not wanting him to see them? is the second wife issue the only problem?
I guess so she divorced her husband and that was it... his father did look the sons up sometimes, the sons have to report to their mom when it happens and will continue not seeing their father....
the second wife is a white convert, now one of the sons has a problem with 'whites', which i feel has turned to racism... so sad...
so you think being an adult and refusing to see his own father because his mother said so is ok? i think it's worse cos as an adult, if he can decide not to see his own father, that's breaking relationship on purpose... which makes the person 'blind' and 'deaf' as defined in the book... if the man can accept to do such a thing, he can force his own family to do such things in future... runs in the family... that's what so scary about this type of cases...
ooops jus read my message, its not ok to stop seeing your parents ..no way would i say thats ok, i meant from the perspective of, custody wise, i.e the child has a right to decide whether he wishes to live with whichever parent once he/she is mature.
the mother is wrong wholly for stopping father seeing his children as i sed in my post.
What kind of muslim is this man, a good one? is he good for the child influence wise? becos i think she can stop him seeing the kids if she believes he is not a good muslim and not upon the right path and this in turn would affect the kids? then again people have different views of whatthey deem as good muslims
what a mess :( its so so sad
a muslim father should be providing for his children and having contact with them no matter what difficulties his ex-wife tries makes for him, and his wife should be going out of her way to make sure he has acess to his kids and she should also be going out of her way to stay in touch with his parents, her childrens grandparents,and their aunts and uncles, kids need families!
big lesson here is never ever use the children against ur spouse. It messes the kids up in the head, and apparently somehow one of these children has become racist, well he didnt learn to be that way on his own...the influences came from somewhere, how did he know why they divorced, how did he know who his father married,who told him that, how does he know his other wife was white...audu billah, and why didnt his mother stop his racist leanings from developing.
children are your children, they are not a shouler to cry on, they are not your freinds to tell ur troubles too, or to lean on and confide in, you should be doing all of that for them, they are developing and u are already a fully developed adult.
I think these parents need their head banging together, whatever is going on between the parents, does not concern the children. never ever speak about what went on in a marriage and what broke it up to your children!!! its none of their buisness, and should be hidden from them. what a disaster for those children, may Allah ta ala guide them and their parents to the haq amin.
Abdelrhman
04-04-07, 07:58 PM
mmm... what if you just pray a lot, but not specifically making the sincere repentence...? Will there be light too...?
No.
Not asking for forgiveness, and sincerely wanting it, is pure arrogance. It's like you're saying to Allah 'look, i don't regret what i've done, but here, take these instead.' Astaghfirullah it hurts to even think about that.
No no no way.
We are all slaves of Allah, we humble ourselves down to Him and beg for His forgiveness. Remember, Prophet Muhammad :saw: said not a single person will enter Jannah because of his or her deeds. And the sahaba (RAA) asked "Even you, O Messenger of Allah :saw: ??" and he replied: "Even me."
The thing that determines whether or not we enter Jannah is if we earned Allah's mercy and compassion in this dunya by our deeds. And to earn His love we must do as He wishes. And any slave who is too arrogant to beg Allah for forgiveness won't enter Jannah.
And like sister Asiya mentioned, the Prophet :saw: said if a woman asks for khula without a just reason, she won't even smell the fragrance of Paradise!!
Also, one of the worst sins is to break the ties of kinship.
It's a very huge crime, especially a kinship as close as father and child!!
And no her son doesn't have to obey her! There is no obedience to the creation when you are disobeying the Creator. This doesn't mean the children can disown their mother and be rude to here, definately not! But if she tells her children "I don't allow you to speak to your father or see him" they don't have to listen.
Tell the sister to fear Allah, and set to make things right inshaAllah, this is a very serious matter. Like others said, a second wife is not a just reason for divorce, UNLESS the husband is oppressing her because of it etc, or they had an agreement in the nikaah (before marriage) that he cannot take a second wife (which there is a bit of controversy about anyway).
Tell her not to let her jealousy and selfishness forbid her from ever even smelling the fragrance of Jannah! May Allah guide her and us!
And Allah knows best.
samirsamir
05-04-07, 07:02 AM
And like sister Asiya mentioned, the Prophet :saw: said if a woman asks for khula without a just reason, she won't even smell the fragrance of Paradise!! .
is this hadeeth Sahih (True hadith), because I head one hadeeth that one woman came to rassoulAllah asking his to 'khula' her husband, then Prophet asked her for the reason she replied that she doesn't love him, then Prophet granted her a 'khula'.
and Allah knows better and forgive me if i made a mistake.
is this hadeeth Sahih (True hadith), because I head one hadeeth that one woman came to rassoulAllah asking his to 'khula' her husband, then Prophet asked her for the reason she replied that she doesn't love him, then Prophet granted her a 'khula'.
and Allah knows better and forgive me if i made a mistake.
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (RA): The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner (if I remain with him)." On that Allah's Apostle said (to her), "Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as Mahr)?" She said, "Yes." Then the Prophet said to Thabit, "O Thabit! Accept your garden, and divorce her once." (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
Maybe this is the hadith u refer to above
The Prophet (SAW) said:
"If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, the scent of Paradise will be forbidden to her." (Sunan Abu Dawud)
In another Hadith, Abu Hurairah (RA) said: the Prophet of Allah said: "Those who seek Khula without any reason are hypocrites." (Ahmad)
vBulletin® v3.7.2, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.