Arranged Marriages...

[angelgirl101]

I am against the idea of arranged marriages without the consent of both the prospective wife and husband.

It is Haram to force someone to get married against their will and I assume that in most cases it leads to much resentment.

Some parents force their daughters to marry at a rather young age, probably to avoid the possibility of her fornicating and bringing shame upon the family name. I think it is atrocious that parents would force their children into a loveless marriage to avoid them tarnishing the family's reputation.

It also gives Islam a bad name.

Please share you thoughts on the subject!:)

[Franny]

Agreed.

Ni doubt some will defend forced marriages as 'culture', but that's crap. It's an abuse of basic human rights.

Arrange it if you want, and if both guy and girl are happy with it then brilliant. But their consent has to be freely given.

[angelgirl101]

For once we agree!

I really hate it when ppl associate it with Islam. Just becuase someone is Muslim, does not mean that every action they take it acceptable in Islam! We are ppl, not Prophets! We are entitled to make mistakes, so long as we repent and try not to do them again.:)

[EVILution]

Islam forbids forced marriages.......so Islam isn't even linked to this matter of sin, so why should Islam be given the bad name?
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) even repudiated such a marriage.

Only ppl who have no true knowledge make such accusations.....forced marriages is more of a cultural matter!

[angelgirl101]

Originally posted by muslim youth
Islam forbids forced marriages.......so Islam isn't even linked to this matter of sin, so why should Islam be given the bad name?
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) even repudiated such a marriage.

Only ppl who have no true knowledge make such accusations.....forced marriages is more of a cultural matter!

Masha'Allah! Sis, once again you prove yourself to be completely correct!;)

But sis, there are an unfortunatey large number of 'un-knowledged' ppl out there, and a lot of them work in the media!:( :( :(

[imran1976]

As'salam o Alaiqum!
hope everyone is doing great.

Arranged marriage doesn't really mean forced marriages, both quite different things. Also young age is not a problem, the problem lies in forced marriages!
Have seen alots of forced marriage in my life!
In an arranged marriage both the families agree to the marriage with the consent of wife & husband, if either of them disagree then it's a forced marriage rather than arranged!
What i have seen in my life is that the arranged marriages are successful than love marriages!
Men/Women have the right to express their liking/disliking but love marriage, not a good idea!
In lovemarriages u have to fell in love before marriage,islamically not right!
So i think Arranged marriages are better than love marraiges!
once again i say that arranged marriages doesn't mean forced marriages!
Take care.

Allah Hafiz!

imran.

[Fighter]

Angelgirl

I fully agree.

Both partners must be asked before marriage, otherwise the marriage should be considered null and void.

[*~Ir@qi_GuRl~*]

yeah i agree with you Brother Imran.

I used 2 do Radio Islam and once Arranged Marriagez was the topic. From what i learnt forced marriages and Arranged marriages are totally different. And the statistics prove that arranged marriages are usually successful unlike forced ones because the women usually tends 2 run away!:eek:

*~Ir@qi_GuRl~* ;)

[angelgirl101]

LOL!

I'm not surprised, I'd probably lock myself in a toilet cubicle at the wedding if I got forced!:D :cool: :D

[*~Ir@qi_GuRl~*]

looool! thats nice 2 know!

[angelgirl101]

LOL!:D :p :D

[*~Ir@qi_GuRl~*]

Has any1 got any views against this?

[angelgirl101]

U know, I think I phrased my original post quite poorly. I acknowledge that there definately is a difference between force and arranged marriages.:)

[imran1976]

yeah both in forced & love marriages guls/guys run away. the news papers these days here r full of such stories!
such a horrible thing! the last forced marriage i witnessed was of my wife's friend, believe me u'r heart cries , my heart too coz my brother wanted to marry her!:(

[angelgirl101]

Originally posted by imran1976
yeah both in forced & love marriages guls/guys run away. the news papers these days here r full of such stories!
such a horrible thing! the last forced marriage i witnessed was of my wife's friend, believe me u'r heart cries , my heart too coz my brother wanted to marry her!:(

:( :( :(

I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

:(

[imran1976]

Angelgirl101! if u were forced into marraige here, locking in the toilet would not work, they will take u out of the toilet.:D :cool: :p

[angelgirl101]

Originally posted by imran1976
Angelgirl101! if u were forced into marraige here, locking in the toilet would not work, they will take u out of the toilet.:D :cool: :p

LOL!

They'd have to have a long fishing rod!:eek: :D :D

[imran1976]

okay have to go now!


Allah Hafiz!

[b!ttersweet]

i dunt knw if neones noticed this but sumtimes specially wit brown parents culture & religeon seem to clash and mix

[*~Ir@qi_GuRl~*]

how do u mean?:confused:

[Sultan]

The Qur'an (4:21) refers to marriage as a mithaq, i.e. a solemn covenant or agreement between husband and wife, and enjoins that it be put down in writing. Since no agreement can be reached between the parties unless they give their consent to it, marriage can be contracted only with the free consent of the two parties. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

"The widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until their order is obtained, and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained." (AlBukhari)

This aspect is greatly emphasized by Imam Bukhari. He, in fact, gave one of the chapters in his Sahih the significant title:

"When a man gives his daughter in marriage and she dislikes it, the marriage shall be annulled."

Once a virgin girl came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said that her father had married her to a man against her wishes. The Prophet gave her the right to repudiate the marriage. (Abu Dawud).

Divorced women are also given freedom to contract a second marriage.

The Holy Qur'an says,

And when you divorce women, and they have come to the end of their waiting period, hinder them not from marrying other men if they have agreed with each other in a fair manner. (2: 232)

With regard to widows, the Qur'an says,

And if any of you die and leave behind wives, they bequeath thereby to their widows (the right to) one year's maintenance without their being obliged to leave (their husband's home), but if they leave (the residence) of their own accord, there is no blame on you for what they do with themselves in a lawful manner. (2:234)

Thus widows are also at liberty to re-marry, even within the period mentioned above; and if they do so they must forgo their claim to traditional maintenance during the remainder of the year. However, it must be remembered that the power of ijbar given to the a father or the guardian by the Maliki school over their selection of life- partner obtains in all the situations considered above, namely, whether the daughter or the ward is a virgin or divorcee or widow.

[Sitar Romance]

salaams

yeah angelgirl sister I so agree with you.. there are a lot of forced marriages, especially among Muslims :(

It is for another reason that this occurs. You must admit that the reality of the Ummah is that a lot of Muslims are now going astray off the path of Islam and want to do things that go against Islam. So it is scary. so sometimes forced marriages occur out of parents' fear and confusion.

salaams

[Saleh Ali]

Kardes Sultan have said It All, It is Haram to force Marriage, Marriage is an agreement between Muslims, But Personally I feel that Arranged marriage wich are not by force is a blessing, You can see the wife as a fresh meal served to you without you have not been looking for! Often Indian Culture have this Arranged Marriage by Force

Va Salam Huja Mehmet

[Qurratulain]

Assalamualikom
Arranged marriages usually seem to work better if its not done by force. These days due to family presure, culture, and parents making it a honour thing, sometimes force their daughters into marrrying someone they dont like. I mean the daughter is the one getting married, and no one even asks her. She is the one who has to spend her life with that person, not the family. Its all due to culture sometimes and not islam, islam clearly has given us the right to chose our own marriage partners.

[AbuMubarak]

very true, qurratulain

arranged is good, no one is to be forced to marry anyone, children should obey their parents, parents should look out for whats best for their children and their happiness,

love marriages??? look at jerry springer, they usually are accompanied by years of zinaa before marriage

[angelgirl101]

Some really true replies! Masha'Allah Sultan, Sitar Romance, Qurratulain and AbuMubarak!;)

It is a much more honourable 'event' when your parents introduce you to potential marriage partners, without obligation (This sounds like an advert for car insurance! LOL!) where you have the free choice to 'pick' someone. Then you are more comfortable to say who you would like to marry because you know your parents would be happy about it.:)

[imran1976]

hey u forgot to mention my name! (angelgirl101):eek:

[angelgirl101]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

How could I make such a stupid mistake?

Masha'Allah imran1976!

Sorry!:(

[b!ttersweet]

u knw wa i hate
after forcin the grl/guy to get married
parents/family/relatives/inlaws
bad talk abt each other wen it wa ThIEr choice

does neone knw abt istikaara and r u posed to do it for weddings?
do u get a dream or a feeling?

[*~Ir@qi_GuRl~*]

well sis. yes u can do it 4 weddings because at the time when my brother wanted 2 et married he prayed istikaara, basically if its meant 2 happen then Allah will help you through it, it will just happen. I dont think you get a dream or a feeling...

[Alexandra]

Originally posted by AbuMubarak

love marriages??? look at jerry springer, they usually are accompanied by years of zinaa before marriage

No one in their right mind even watches Jerry Springer.

Alex :)

[Tovah]

Arranged marriages were very common in the 19th century in Europe as well, at least amongst Jews.

It is not just an Islamic tradition.

My father's parents had an arranged marriage - it worked out very well. As a parent of young adults myself I have found myself wanting to introduce my oldest son and daughter to people who I think are "nice" - if you know what I mean. LOL! they have a tendancy to want to run the other way!!!

Oh we parents have to be much sneakier now-a-days - like having a coincidental meeting????????????/

[Sitar Romance]

salaams

yes there are a lot of forced marriages in India, but also in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, China, Afghanistan, Thailand, among many poor countries in the world in many different groups.

However we also see this happening in the West, especially in the UK where the Asian population is quite sizable.

Let's not forget that there are forced marriages in oil-rich Saudi Arabia too. I've often heard horror stories of young virgins being married off to old wealthy Saudi men in their 60s or 70s, which is just so disgusting since it is against Islam and against the young girls' wishes.

-SP

[imran1976]

As'salam o Alaiqum!

sometimes guys r also forced to marry!:D :D

not easy to describe what force marriages actually are!

okay lets assume that a girl express her wish to marry a guy, normally it would be her college fellow/cousin etc, but latter parents finds out that , the guy is not suitable for their daughter and the girl still insists! what should be done now.

these things quite often happens that the guy is not perfect still the girl wishes to marry may be blind love!
we have mostly co-education system here, these days it's happening a lot here!

take care!

Allah Hafiz.

imran.

[angelgirl101]

Originally posted by Tovah
Arranged marriages were very common in the 19th century in Europe as well, at least amongst Jews.

It is not just an Islamic tradition.

My father's parents had an arranged marriage - it worked out very well. As a parent of young adults myself I have found myself wanting to introduce my oldest son and daughter to people who I think are "nice" - if you know what I mean. LOL! they have a tendancy to want to run the other way!!!

Oh we parents have to be much sneakier now-a-days - like having a coincidental meeting????????????/

LOL! That is possibly the first time I have ever found one of your posts funny, Tovah! LOL!:p

[angelgirl101]

Originally posted by imran1976
As'salam o Alaiqum!

sometimes guys r also forced to marry!:D :D

not easy to describe what force marriages actually are!

okay lets assume that a girl express her wish to marry a guy, normally it would be her college fellow/cousin etc, but latter parents finds out that , the guy is not suitable for their daughter and the girl still insists! what should be done now.

these things quite often happens that the guy is not perfect still the girl wishes to marry may be blind love!
we have mostly co-education system here, these days it's happening a lot here!

take care!

Allah Hafiz.

imran.

Perhaps they should compromise?

The girl could always marry one of his legs... or an arm... or a nose... LOL!:D :p :D

[Qurratulain]

Assalamulaikom
Yes I heard and saw a lot too about these co education system in Pakistan and these love marriages, I wonder what is gonna become of Pakistan, the country which was created to implement sharia doesnt have one bit of following it right now. I aint against love marriage but do it the proper and limited way which is allowed.

[angelgirl101]

Bumpety Bump!

[EVILution]

Originally posted by b!ttersweet


does neone knw abt istikaara and r u posed to do it for weddings?
do u get a dream or a feeling?

Oh no, don't do Istakhara.......I did Istakhara, well was advised to do it cos I was feeling down......some1 took advantage of my ignorance and told me to read this and I'll be better.......hmm I read it and the result was a dream......the dream was nice but kinda shocking........and it was something to do with marriage......I was confused, cos I didn't do it for this, but then more shocking news came and I was even sadder.......I'm never gonna do Istakhara again.........just gonna trust Allah :)

[Tovah]

What is Istakhara?

[EVILution]

Originally posted by Tovah
What is Istakhara?

Hi Tovah.........Istakhara is a prayer where u ask Allah for guidance in a situation, doesn't necessarily have to be marriage ....u do it when ur confused and don't know what the best decision would be......so u let the knower of the seen and the unseen help u in a humble way!
The result can come as a dream....like in my decision .......or it can just be a strong feeling inclining u towards a solution!

[Sitar Romance]

salaams

I'v done istikharah.. i've had some amazing dreams that helped me what I should do.. mashallah. I've also had some feelings that were strong.. it really works.

[angelgirl101]

Wow! It sounds really ace!

Could anyone explain how to do it?;)

[SILENTTEARS]

What Is More Lawful, To Make Your Father Happy And Be Married To Someone Who U R Not In Love With...or, Upset And Dissapoint Your Father By Calling Off The Wedding And Making Yourself Happy? Please I Need A Response Back Asap. Thanks So Much!

[Al-Saeed Abdi]

What Is More Lawful, To Make Your Father Happy And Be Married To Someone Who U R Not In Love With...or, Upset And Dissapoint Your Father By Calling Off The Wedding And Making Yourself Happy? Please I Need A Response Back Asap. Thanks So Much!Is there such a thing as 'more' lawful? It's either lawful or illegal. And if the sister/brother doesn't voice an objection, then it's very much legal. Although my personal opinion is that if the sister/brother doesn't feel inclined to marry the person in question, then it's best not to. Otherwise you might end up causing a bigger mess then you tried to prevent. Also there is nothing selfish about wanting to be happily married (to whomever pleases you), as long as you keep within the limits of Islam.

Ma'aSalaama

[SILENTTEARS]

Thank You So Much For Your Opinion. I Greatly Appreciate It And The Only Thing Is My Dad Has Been There For Me Through Thick And Thin And I Owe It To Him. He Really Likes The Gentleman And I Feel Like This Is The Least That I Could Do For My Father In Return. What Should I Do Now?

[bint]

i dont think you should marry him and make ure life a misery up till the end..and may cause problems which can involve ure inlaws..which would lead to friction between URE father n others..

so u marry some1 u are happy with and ure father will be happy..inshaAllah.

[Al-Saeed Abdi]

Thank You So Much For Your Opinion. I Greatly Appreciate It And The Only Thing Is My Dad Has Been There For Me Through Thick And Thin And I Owe It To Him. He Really Likes The Gentleman And I Feel Like This Is The Least That I Could Do For My Father In Return. What Should I Do Now?
As Salaamu Alaikum,

He may like this gentleman, but his love for you is greater (almost unconditional), after all you are his daughter. It is best for you to speak with your father, and make clear your wishes, help him so he may understand your points of view/reasons and also hear him out and listen to what he has to say. Every person has a unique criterion for what they want in a spouse. Make sure your father is aware of what sort of man you want to spend the rest of your life on this earth with.

I know it's not much help, but you really have to speak with your father. Also remember, no one else can make this decision for you, especially no one on this forum. We cannot tell you what to do, ultimately you’ll have to make the decisions about your life yourself.

Is there a reason why you do not want to marry this person?

Ma'aSalaama

[neels]

Thank You So Much For Your Opinion. I Greatly Appreciate It And The Only Thing Is My Dad Has Been There For Me Through Thick And Thin And I Owe It To Him. He Really Likes The Gentleman And I Feel Like This Is The Least That I Could Do For My Father In Return. What Should I Do Now?

Ask yourself honestly if you can sincerely be a good wife to the man your father has chosen for you because if your father has inadvertently picked someone that you think is incompatible then you should say no. You basically have 3 choices:

1- You marry him to keep your father happy with no regard for your own feelings of compatibility. Even if marrying him would make your father happy, if he's not someone that you can get on with, you'd find it 20 times harder to be obedient towards him and fulfil his rights and that can lead to you becoming sinful for not fulfilling the rights of the husband. In which case think about it this way: would you be able to live with that on your conscience? Would your father feel happier to see you in 5 years time come home divorced with a child?

2- You marry him because both you and your father feel that you can have a good marriage with the man your father has chosen under these circumstances. If the man your father has chosen is someone that you feel you can live with and can have a decent married life with, then by all means accept your father's choice.

3- You do not want to marry the person your father has chosen. In which case you must discuss your reasons with your father and say no to him. It might hurt him at first, but not as much as it would hurt him later on to see you trapped in a relationship which you hated from day 1.

[qasam]

:start:

Well, arrange marraige and forced marriage is two different things. A arrange marraige issort of like a blind date. Two youngesters meet, if they like each other then they get hitched. If they don't then it's off to someone else.

But a forced marraige is when parents( most likely daughters) force their child to mary someone certain. Which is islam is wrong ofcourse. :)

[me.sawda]

:start:

Well, arrange marraige and forced marriage is two different things. A arrange marraige issort of like a blind date. Two youngesters meet, if they like each other then they get hitched. If they don't then it's off to someone else.

But a forced marraige is when parents( most likely daughters) force their child to mary someone certain. Which is islam is wrong ofcourse. :)


:up: Right.. !!

[Saint Poetry]

if my family wer muslim then i would be more then willing to go for an arranged marriage, but no one in my family is a brother/sister of islam so they dont understand. i guess ill just have to find the muslim families near by and get a look at their daughters

[SILENTTEARS]

Thank You All So Much. I Greatly Appreciate All Your Opinions And Help. The Reason I Don't Want To Be Married To This Guy Is Because We Have Nothing In Common Other Than Being From The Same City And Speak The Same Language. We Don't Even Eat The Same Food. None Of Our Ideas Ever Match, Which Will Eventually Gets Us Into An Arguement, All The Time. I May Love This Guy, Like I Love Me Cousins But I Am Not In Love With Him. That's Another Reason.

[Buthaynah]

:start:

Well, arrange marraige and forced marriage is two different things. A arrange marraige issort of like a blind date. Two youngesters meet, if they like each other then they get hitched. If they don't then it's off to someone else.

But a forced marraige is when parents( most likely daughters) force their child to mary someone certain. Which is islam is wrong ofcourse. :)

Exactly! This need to be highlighted and made capitals being as the majority get mixed up with the two.

As for those forcing marriage , astaghfirallah , they are really stuck in the past !

[dawat]

somen call me then i expelan u 9221 03222517721

[nami]

I envy anyone who is lucky to get an arranged marriage!