Divorcees with children

[Quest]

Asalama alaykum

...........sighs, if u have never married, and u met some1 u really like but he/she is a divorcee with a kid/kids

would u mind?

i wouldnt but how do u convince family that its ok...........

[RashidD]

I don't think i'd mind InshaAllah... Family might be more difficult... :(

[Quest]

yeah exactly
how do u deal with that....

[Cashew]

I'm not a Muslim, and I'm too old for this sort of speculation, but...

I always thought that sort of thing would be great.

You're getting the additional kids without all the difficulty of pregnancy, delivery, breast-feeding, etc., and kids are always fun.

I think Muslims ought ligthen-up and modernise in this regard -- it's not as though you "own" even your own children.

Having more kids around just increases your opportunities for loving someone else, and doing right by them, and helping them on in their way in life.

And it's not as though when you're old and in need of comfort and help, you're really gonna complain because you've got too many children and grandchildren around who love you and want to make sure you're comfortable and happy.

[Supernova Nebula]

If there's luv, I dont mind at all, yea, i like to have instant children:D

[Kal-El]

Families and marriage..

Probably saddest subject for all young Muslims

[Supernova Nebula]

^^^ wot a cat u got there Kal El, woaa supergorgeousness

[Quest]

I'm not a Muslim, and I'm too old for this sort of speculation, but...

I always thought that sort of thing would be great.

You're getting the additional kids without all the difficulty of pregnancy, delivery, breast-feeding, etc., and kids are always fun.

I think Muslims ought ligthen-up and modernise in this regard -- it's not as though you "own" even your own children.

Having more kids around just increases your opportunities for loving someone else, and doing right by them, and helping them on in their way in life.

And it's not as though when you're old and in need of comfort and help, you're really gonna complain because you've got too many children and grandchildren around who love you and want to make sure you're comfortable and happy.

Personally i dont mind the kids, i love children, am thinking more along the lines of family.............how do u tell em something like that, when u are already the black sheep which puts on the table issues that raise eyebrows.

[`asiya]

I'm not a Muslim, and I'm too old for this sort of speculation, but...

I always thought that sort of thing would be great.

You're getting the additional kids without all the difficulty of pregnancy, delivery, breast-feeding, etc., and kids are always fun.

I think Muslims ought ligthen-up and modernise in this regard -- it's not as though you "own" even your own children.

Having more kids around just increases your opportunities for loving someone else, and doing right by them, and helping them on in their way in life.

And it's not as though when you're old and in need of comfort and help, you're really gonna complain because you've got too many children and grandchildren around who love you and want to make sure you're comfortable and happy.


masha Allah ur so right there, and u know in the time of the prophet Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam the muslim men and women had no qualms in marrying people with children, it was the done thing as all children are the children of this ummah as u said none of them "belong" to us theyre all gifts from Allah ta ala, there are several narrations that come to my mind about this, for example when a young man of the sahabba was about to get married, and the prophet muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam asked him would u not prefer to marry a young virgin like himself.. but he replied no i want to marry an older woman who will help me to raise my young sisters, and i dont want a wife who reminds me of my sisters. ( ie: is immature ) subhanAllah see the maturity of this man masha Allah who sought marriage not only for companionship but knew that his sisters were in need of a mother figure.

In the case of umm salama who was widowed and left with many children, when the prophet Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam asked to marry her she said but i have many children and he said your children are my children.

another case where two young men ( teenagers) wanted to go for jihad but the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said no they were too young and perhaps not strong enough, so who did one of them run to ? his father? no he went to his mothers husband, his step father to asked him to come with him and plead with the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam on his behalf, and ask him to allow him to go for jihad and show the prophet that they were man enough to fight. His step father happliy obliged.

of course one of the most famous cases that of sawda the beloved wife of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam whom he married after the death of khadija, she took care of his children and loved and cared for them as if they were her own.

Islamically muslim children are the children of the ummah and we all have a responability towards them, even in these times when our muslim women have been raped and who have bourne children as a result of that, those children are our children,muslim children, the children of the ummah of Muhammad and muslim men should rush to marry such women and raise up those kids and set them a good example.

ukhti Quest if it were me, i would tell my family all this i would explain to them that this is the way of the muslims, children need step parents they need stable families and love and kindness, we all should love and care for the children of divorcees and to reject a man or woman because they already have children is a very strange thing to do indeed, because this is not the way of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam nor the sahabba, nor the sahabiyat.

This man if he is interested in marriage should show the walli of the woman he wishes to marry that he is a responsible man of good deen and character ,insha Allah ta ala that would be sufficient for any muslim family to accept him for their daughter in marriage.

[Quest]

masha Allah ur so right there, and u know in the time of the prophet Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam the muslim men and women had no qualms in marrying people with children, it was the done thing as all children are the children of this ummah as u said none of them "belong" to us theyre all gifts from Allah ta ala, there are several narrations that come to my mind about this, for example when a young man of the sahabba was about to get married, and the prophet muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam asked him would u not prefer to marry a young virgin like himself.. but he replied no i want to marry an older woman who will help me to raise my young sisters, and i dont want a wife who reminds me of my sisters. ( ie: is immature ) subhanAllah see the maturity of this man masha Allah who sought marriage not only for companionship but knew that his sisters were in need of a mother figure.

In the case of umm salama who was widowed and left with many children, when the prophet Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam asked to marry her she said but i have many children and he said your children are my children.

another case where two young men ( teenagers) wanted to go for jihad but the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said no they were too young and perhaps not strong enough, so who did one of them run to ? his father? no he went to his mothers husband, his step father to asked him to come with him and plead with the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam on his behalf, and ask him to allow him to go for jihad and show the prophet that they were man enough to fight. His step father happliy obliged.

of course one of the most famous cases that of sawda the beloved wife of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam whom he married after the death of khadija, she took care of his children and loved and cared for them as if they were her own.

Islamically muslim children are the children of the ummah and we all have a responability towards them, even in these times when our muslim women have been raped and who have bourne children as a result of that, those children are our children,muslim children, the children of the ummah of Muhammad and muslim men should rush to marry such women and raise up those kids and set them a good example.

ukhti Quest if it were me, i would tell my family all this i would explain to them that this is the way of the muslims, children need step parents they need stable families and love and kindness, we all should love and care for the children of divorcees and to reject a man or woman because they already have children is a very strange thing to do indeed, because this is not the way of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam nor the sahabba, nor the sahabiyat.

This man if he is interested in marriage should show the walli of the woman he wishes to marry that he is a responsible man of good deen and character ,insha Allah ta ala that would be sufficient for any muslim family to accept him for their daughter in marriage.

I love u sis u know that?

ur post eased my heart in ways u dont know, i share ur same thoughts i dont have a problem with it, was just worried abt family.
May Allah bless u, u truelly are ummah forums greatest asset.

[Peacenik]

Asalama alaykum

...........sighs, if u have never married, and u met some1 u really like but he/she is a divorcee with a kid/kids

would u mind?

i wouldnt but how do u convince family that its ok...........

Very tricky situation.

I really wouldn't know what to do if I was in that situation.

I guess one has to consider all options - i.e. her family, your family etc...

The balance might be very hard to achieve.

Hope everything turns out ok :up:

[Bint Yusuf]

salaatul istikaraah(cant spell lol)

many du'as and approach your family and tell them in the easiset way!

then have sabr til you get a decision on what they think. either way alhamdulilah:D

[abdusamad]

Personally i dont mind the kids, i love children, am thinking more along the lines of family.............how do u tell em something like that, when u are already the black sheep which puts on the table issues that raise eyebrows.


Well since this is not something which gives the wali, islamically, right to refuse to brother who is proposing. It would be a complicated issue in which it depends on the family. If the family will only be dissappointed about it but they wont disown you and you feel it wont cause a rift between you and your family then stay firm and May Allaah bless you! However on the other hand if your parents threathen they will not speak to you, even if they are in the wrong, remember there are enough brothers out there whom you can marry but you can never replace your parents.


And Allaah knows best. :)

[sunrise]

I don't think i'd mind InshaAllah... Family might be more difficult... :(

yeah same

[abdusamad]

masha Allah ur so right there, and u know in the time of the prophet Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam the muslim men and women had no qualms in marrying people with children, it was the done thing as all children are the children of this ummah as u said none of them "belong" to us theyre all gifts from Allah ta ala, there are several narrations that come to my mind about this, for example when a young man of the sahabba was about to get married, and the prophet muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam asked him would u not prefer to marry a young virgin like himself.. but he replied no i want to marry an older woman who will help me to raise my young sisters, and i dont want a wife who reminds me of my sisters. ( ie: is immature ) subhanAllah see the maturity of this man masha Allah who sought marriage not only for companionship but knew that his sisters were in need of a mother figure.

In the case of umm salama who was widowed and left with many children, when the prophet Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam asked to marry her she said but i have many children and he said your children are my children.

another case where two young men ( teenagers) wanted to go for jihad but the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said no they were too young and perhaps not strong enough, so who did one of them run to ? his father? no he went to his mothers husband, his step father to asked him to come with him and plead with the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam on his behalf, and ask him to allow him to go for jihad and show the prophet that they were man enough to fight. His step father happliy obliged.

of course one of the most famous cases that of sawda the beloved wife of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam whom he married after the death of khadija, she took care of his children and loved and cared for them as if they were her own.

Islamically muslim children are the children of the ummah and we all have a responability towards them, even in these times when our muslim women have been raped and who have bourne children as a result of that, those children are our children,muslim children, the children of the ummah of Muhammad and muslim men should rush to marry such women and raise up those kids and set them a good example.

ukhti Quest if it were me, i would tell my family all this i would explain to them that this is the way of the muslims, children need step parents they need stable families and love and kindness, we all should love and care for the children of divorcees and to reject a man or woman because they already have children is a very strange thing to do indeed, because this is not the way of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam nor the sahabba, nor the sahabiyat.

This man if he is interested in marriage should show the walli of the woman he wishes to marry that he is a responsible man of good deen and character ,insha Allah ta ala that would be sufficient for any muslim family to accept him for their daughter in marriage.


One of the wisest sisters in this forum.

Sisters listen to her!

[MG]

One of the wisest sisters in this forum.

Sisters listen to her!

sis Asiya always takes the words right out of my mouth, ...does that make me wise as well? *grin*


sis quest, may allah swt make things easy for u ameen.

It is a very difficult situation, do istkhara and b4 u go to your parents pray 2 rakat salaat and ask allah swt make it easy for u, wen talking to them.

there is no easy solution , u jus have to say it, ther isnt a way of saying it (obviously dont go blaring away that ur gonna amrry him and thats it! lol- i knwo u wouldnt do that but u know what i mean!)

subhanallah, children are the most adorable things ever, and the love they give u (which u can get even if they are not yours) is out of this world, and the rewards u would get for bringing them up, looking after them>? goes on even after your death, subhanallah, the ones who choose not to marry bros or sisters simply becos they have been divorced and have children really dont know what they are missing out on.

[abdusamad]

sis Asiya always takes the words right out of my mouth, ...does that make me wise as well? *grin*


sis quest, may allah swt make things easy for u ameen.

It is a very difficult situation, do istkhara and b4 u go to your parents pray 2 rakat salaat and ask allah swt make it easy for u, wen talking to them.

there is no easy solution , u jus have to say it, ther isnt a way of saying it (obviously dont go blaring away that ur gonna amrry him and thats it! lol- i knwo u wouldnt do that but u know what i mean!)

subhanallah, children are the most adorable things ever, and the love they give u (which u can get even if they are not yours) is out of this world, and the rewards u would get for bringing them up, looking after them>? goes on even after your death, subhanallah, the ones who choose not to marry bros or sisters simply becos they have been divorced and have children really dont know what they are missing out on.


I said one of the wisest, there are more here in the forum, you may be one of them ...


I heard that before, SubhanAllaah I guess nobody really knows untill they raise children

[MG]

I said one of the wisest, there are more here in the forum, you may be one of them ...


I heard that before, SubhanAllaah I guess nobody really knows untill they raise children


some peoples step-children, treat them better than their own flesh and blood.

[abdusamad]

some peoples step-children, treat them better than their own flesh and blood.

Because they appreciate this person did not give birth to them but raised them as their very own flesh and blood.

[MG]

Because they appreciate this person did not give birth to them but raised them as their very own flesh and blood.

yes agreed

[neelu]

I was in this situation a few years ago, when I wanted to marry a practising convert brother of a different race who was divorced with children and he was a fair bit older than me. He wanted to marry me too, but said he couldn't do it unless I had the consent of a mahram. My dad went completely :rubeyes: :eek: and then I was all :help: and :crying: for months but I'd reached a dead end and there was no way I'd get the consent. The other mahrams in my family wouldn't dare to contradict my dad on this so it wasn't worth approaching them.

At the time I was REALLY upset about it but looking back, I'm glad it didn't happen cos' since then, I noticed things about him which would have made us incompatible but I completely overlooked those things at the time cos' I got overly emotional about it. We work at the same place now, though I hardly see him cos' we're in different departments but alhamdullilah it hasn't been a problem at all. I'm happy things worked out for him in the end cos' he got married to a Pakistani divorcee who had kids from her previous marriage and they have a kid of their own together as well:up:

[Quest]

hmm lets see, just when i accept the kid issue, i notice we follow major difference of opinons in diin.

ok here is where i draw the line.......

peace all thanks for the replies i havent read em all yet will read and reply later.