View Full Version : Marrying Someone With A Disability?
Bint Yusuf
26-03-07, 08:55 PM
Salaam
Would anyone of you consider marrying someone with a disability? Someone who is blind or just has limited mobility because of an illness etc?
Some of us are already have great knowledge of someone in our families or friends with disabilities so are more likely to open to the idea but maybe some of us who are not would say no straight away?
I find it quite sad though that maybe they may not get married because of the way Allah created them which scares some of us muslims away.
Whats your view on it?
i wouldnt hesitate to marry someone who happened to have a disability in fact maybe i would be more likely to marry such a man as many may refuse him unjustly due to no fault of his own, i remember reading how some men were tortured in Iraq and had their ears cut off and no one would marry them i thought that was disgusting to refuse them because of what they went through and their appearance. what we have to remember is suppose we were married and our husband became horribly disfigured in an accident or something audu billah what are we going to do divorce him due to mere physical appearance? no of course not that would just be cruel.
hmmm...it does scare me..im used to being dependant..not independant..but i wudnt hesitate (im surprised at the answer myself) but i wudnt hesitate...they have more love..subhanAllah..:love:
Bint Yusuf
26-03-07, 09:01 PM
yeh masAllah they do have more love and soo much grateful for things its unbelievable and they never moan or say why me?
sunrise
26-03-07, 09:01 PM
:inlove: I don't have a problem with it, Imam Bukhari was born blind, julabib was deformed, moses (ra) had a speech impediment subhanAllah the pious individuals who may seem odd or peculiar to us had true faith and imaan..and were amongst those most loved by Allah (swt)
i would surely marry a man with a diablility that was pious and would treat me well and take care of me:) than a man free of a disability and treat me unfairly and disrespect me:(
Bint Yusuf
26-03-07, 09:05 PM
but obviously its gonna be harder than someone who hasn't got a disability. shopping, looking after kids helping your husband/wife witht he disability with day to day things but there wil be a lot more reward in jannat:up: your new status would be career/wife lol
masha Allah i wonder if the brothers feel the same way about marrying a woman with disability ...
ibn suleman
26-03-07, 09:16 PM
yeh i wud :up:
sunrise
26-03-07, 09:16 PM
u gotta say why...
yeh i wud :up:
ibn suleman ure wife is gonna be so lucky no joke..may Allah always keep u smiling not to mention with happiness and piety!:up:
ibn suleman
26-03-07, 09:22 PM
ameen...
well like most i wudnt go out specifically looking for a disabled person..but if the girl was disabled..that wudnt be a problem
obviously..but stil mashAllah.
I have an illness which causes what's known as a 'hidden disability' because its effects are mostly internal (such as digestion problems etc), people who see me when I'm out and about wouldn't necessarily realise anything was up. I've noticed a massive stigma about these things in the community, especially as I've been looking to get married for some time. Once I got to know my fiance, my mum was really hoping that I wouldn't tell him so much about what I have to go through but I'm deliberately upfront about it cos' I don't want to fool/trick him into marrying me and then tell him after marriage that he's in for lots of nasty surprises. I think it makes a HUGE difference that he's a convert because a desi bro would want someone who'd cook and clean and be physically active to look after him and his mum and I'm sure that cos' I'm unable to do a lot of that it would put other bros off.
This disability used to make me afraid of marriage but I'm not afraid of it anymore alhamdullilah. Having said that, I am very afraid of even the thought of becoming a parent after marriage cos' I don't know if by then I'd be well enough to fulfil the mountain of duties associated with that. I didn't know imam bukhari was born blind :O
Speaking of physical disfigurement, in Pakistan and Bangladesh, there are some very evil men out there who throw acid in the faces of girls who refuse to go out with them. The (so called) man's attitude is "if she can't be mine, she can't be anyone elses either". Single women in this position are rarely able to get married and married women in this situation are often left by their husbands. Some of the women become blind if the acid damages their eyes:( It has led to legal restrictions on the sale of car battery acid. There was a very tragic program about it on the BBC once which was an eye opener for me.
An important thing to keep in mind is that the period of being disability-free in one's life doesn't last forever.
Most all of us as we age develop some difficulty or other that keeps us from being as mobile as we once were, or as sharp of sight or hearing.
Clever young people, if they break a leg or arm, give some serious thought to the experience, eg "What if I always couldn't open doors by myself? What if I always had difficulty dressing myself?"
Something else to consider:
Physical disabilities offer their own challenges.
But there are other, less immediately obvious disabilities: some people are incapable of love or patience, some people are incapable of bearing adult responsibilities.
I haven't seen you on here for ages cashew. Nice to see you back here:)
.: Anna :.
27-03-07, 12:08 AM
An important thing to keep in mind is that the period of being disability-free in one's life doesn't last forever.
Most all of us as we age develop some difficulty or other that keeps us from being as mobile as we once were, or as sharp of sight or hearing.
Clever young people, if they break a leg or arm, give some serious thought to the experience, eg "What if I always couldn't open doors by myself? What if I always had difficulty dressing myself?"
Something else to consider:
Physical disabilities offer their own challenges.
But there are other, less immediately obvious disabilities: some people are incapable of love or patience, some people are incapable of bearing adult responsibilities.
Actually I was going to say something kind of on these lines...
Just because you marry someone with out any disability, you dont know maybe something is going to happen in future, either near or distant, and they would develop a disability and they can no longer do things. Its not a guarentee that people will remain healthy forever, but its something you just have to deal with if that happens. So if this person is really worth marrying then you shouldnt necessarily allow disability to prevent you. It cn b better to marry someone with a physical disability eg they are blind, than some kind of a character issue like they are getting angry all the time and act horrible... its just like anyone else u would have 2 consider the person and see if they are right for u or not. it doesnt necessarily remove the possibility straight away i think, well it shouldnt.
umm_huraiyrah
27-03-07, 02:48 AM
Assalam Alaikum
When my husband and I met, I told him i had diabetes and chronic pain. Did not know what was wrong at the time. I told him that if he wanted to leave I would understand, but, Alhumduillah. He chose to stay. About a year- ayear and half later I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a painful form of arthritis that effects the muscles, tedons and ligiments. About 6 months after that he got hurt and became disabled. I think that the disabilities bring us closer togather. I don't think it matters if they are disabled or not. Regardless of what it is. Love them for the sake of Allah. Disabled people need to be loved and hae marriages like everybody else. Yes it can be diffacult and stressful but with every hardship comes ease. something like that. You all keep telling me that. If you think you are mentally able to deal with it, go for it. It shouldn't matter if they are blind, deaf, in a wheelchair, an apmputee, have other diseases or illnesses. In fact I think Allah will reward you more for doing so Inshallah. I am disabled and I love my husband so much and with every fiber of my body. He accepted me as I was and when he got hurt I accepted it as well. I really do think our love is stronger, our imans are stronger, and it makes our marriage stronger. :inlove: I don't regret it and neither does he. I personally think it's a good thing to marry someone diasbled.
Habiba
umm_huraiyrah
27-03-07, 02:56 AM
Actually I was going to say something kind of on these lines...
Just because you marry someone with out any disability, you dont know maybe something is going to happen in future, either near or distant, and they would develop a disability and they can no longer do things. Its not a guarentee that people will remain healthy forever, but its something you just have to deal with if that happens. So if this person is really worth marrying then you shouldnt necessarily allow disability to prevent you. It cn b better to marry someone with a physical disability eg they are blind, than some kind of a character issue like they are getting angry all the time and act horrible... its just like anyone else u would have 2 consider the person and see if they are right for u or not. it doesnt necessarily remove the possibility straight away i think, well it shouldnt.
VERY VERY TRUE Anna. Look at Dale and I. I was starting to get bad when we met and didn't know what was wrong. And also Dale ended up hurt himself. So that is very true that we may marry someone healthy and somewhere down the road for some reason allahs will they get into an accident and end up with a broke back or paralyzed from waist down. Anything can happen cause everything is allahs will. What are you gonna do leave just because things got hard? No you stick it in with them through the good times and bad. It shouldn't matter if they are disabled or not. As long as you can handle the hardships that does come with disability. I know. But just wanted to say Anna you made a very true statement about marrying healthy and something happens down the road.
Habiba
PS I am really surprised by everyones answers. Mashallah!! I am happy to know that there are good people out there. cause a lot of americans would never do that. Before dale and I met. I had guys leave all the time because of the diabetes and me being sick all the time and not knowing why. May allah reward you all Ameen!
TenaciousSis
27-03-07, 06:18 AM
I probably would not marry someone with a disability. I have personal experience from my non-muslim days....It would not work for me. I am already a single (divorced) mom. I don't think I could handle it and I won't commit myself to a situation I can not handle.
Now, if conditions were discovered after the marriage I would stick by his side though thick and thin.
some people dont let their disability's stop them from doing anything
i saw a brother on tv a while ago, he must have been no older than 25, he has been blind since birth but has a university degree and is a hafidh :coolbro:
:sub:
It depends on what kind of disability in all honesty.
I assume you're all talking about a physical disability? Well if your potential spouse isn't able to e.g. provide for you (can't work) or be able to conceive then are you guys saying you wouldn't mind?
I think most people would.
And we haven't even discussed mental disabilty yet.
its not a simple yes i would or no i wouldnt. It depends on the individual circumstance and person.
Lambo5688
27-03-07, 02:05 PM
I wouldn't mind. People with disabilities are usually more loving.
Cuz if I dont marry her, she may not find another person who will, so ill go for it.
Plus, imagine all the reward from taking care of a disable person.
Well it's not my personal opinion, it's just that too many people here have already concluded they would without hesitation.
It seems they're just marrying that person out of sympathy - which in my eyes is detrimental to that person.
Well it's not my personal opinion, it's just that too many people here have already concluded they would without hesitation.
It seems they're just marrying that person out of sympathy - which in my eyes is detrimental to that person.
dont hasten to judge.
I'm not sis but read some of the comments.
Lambo took the words out of my mouth.
Cuz if I dont marry her, she may not find another person who will, so ill go for it.
Personally, I would never marry anyone because I feel sorry for them. For others it seems fine, I'm just saying if i was disabled and someone proposed to me - because they thought no one else would marry me - then I'd be pretty upset about that.
I'm not sis but read some of the comments.
Lambo took the words out of my mouth.
Personally, I would never marry anyone because I feel sorry for them. For others it seems fine, I'm just saying if i was disabled and someone proposed to me - because they thought no one else would marry me - then I'd be pretty upset about that.
yeah i just read that..i feel the same..i wudnt want a marriage based on sympathy tho lambo has his heart in the right place mashaAllah..
im just saying..u may be surprised to see that many people wudnt mind..:) for the sake of love.
Lambo5688
27-03-07, 02:12 PM
Just because ill be marrying out of sympathy doesn't mean I wont love her.
Just because ill be marrying out of sympathy doesn't mean I wont love her.
That's true. But what are you gonna tell her when she asks you why you chose her.
"Ah cos no other guy wanted you..but honey, you make good fried chicken so I don't regret choosing you (;) check my previous reply to get this lol)
Lambo5688
27-03-07, 02:20 PM
That's true. But what are you gonna tell her when she asks you why you chose her.
"Ah cos no other guy wanted you..but honey, you make good fried chicken so I don't regret choosing you (;) check my previous reply to get this lol)
lol no.
When she asks me why I chose her.
Ill tell her her good qualities. I wouldn't mention her physical attributes.
When your future wife asks you why did you marry me. Are you going to say because you have a nice body?
I make good roast chicken- is that good enough :D
lol no.
When she asks me why I chose her.
Ill tell her her good qualities. I wouldn't mention her physical attributes.
When your future wife asks you why did you marry me. Are you going to say because you have a nice body?
No I have it planned and written somewhere bro. Every married man has :rotfl:
Wife: "Why did you choose me?"
Kal: "Eh?..erm..." (gets note out of pocket and hides it, starts to read it at the corner of his eye).
Wife: "Aww..you're getting a big tub of fried chicken tonight!"
I make good roast chicken- is that good enough :D
Nah, it's a joke we're sharing in the bro section :D
Lambo5688
27-03-07, 02:23 PM
No I have it planned and written somewhere bro. Every married man has :rotfl:
Wife: "Why did you choose me?"
Kal: "Eh?..erm..." (gets note out of pocket and hides it, starts to read it at the corner of his eye).
Wife: "Aww..you're getting a big tub of fried chicken tonight!"
:rotfl: im gonna get u for this one. :rotfl: :rotfl:
Lambo5688
27-03-07, 02:24 PM
I make good roast chicken- is that good enough :D
Inshallah its good enough..
...but why is everyone tormenting me with the chicken posts today!!! :rotfl:
sunrise
27-03-07, 02:25 PM
Inshallah its good enough..
...but why is everyone tormenting me with the chicken posts today!!! :rotfl:
u get offline and do ur poem paper!!!!!!:torture:
sophia_1
27-03-07, 02:28 PM
is that much cheap to love someone?!
Love, what does it mean?
I strongly believe if you are someone who is well qualified about life , well educated, thoughtful.....
then being blind or other not matter since love is above everything yet first u must be human, honest, really honest
u get offline and do ur poem paper!!!!!!:torture:
Instead he'll accidentally read a small voucher note from KFC :rotfl:
Wife: Why did you choose me honey?
Lambo: "Er..er..(gets emergency note) "Succulent hot wings and Family meal. 5.99 only..Limited offer.."
:rotfl::rotfl:
Lambo5688
27-03-07, 02:28 PM
u get offline and do ur poem paper!!!!!!:torture:
lol your right. I only have 1 and half hour left. :jkk: for the reminder sis. :up:
Note to Kal:
Tell your cronies in the guys thread that they on my list!:torture: :D
Ok I'm done :D *wipes tears away* hee hee
Salaam
Would anyone of you consider marrying someone with a disability? Someone who is blind or just has limited mobility because of an illness etc?
Some of us are already have great knowledge of someone in our families or friends with disabilities so are more likely to open to the idea but maybe some of us who are not would say no straight away?
I find it quite sad though that maybe they may not get married because of the way Allah created them which scares some of us muslims away.
Whats your view on it?
It depends what kind of disability he has. It would be difficult for me to provide for the family all by myself if he can't walk/see.
To be completely honest, I wouldn't. Not because I find them less attractive -I'm sure they have fantastic personalities. Disabled people seem to have a special love for life, which I really admire. I know it's not good to think about the malformaties of the person and just look in his heart and basically think of them as a person…BUT....there's always this thing at the back of your head telling you that you could be better off with someone else.
Marrying a disabled person might make things complicated, how will he provide for his family? Does he need to be taken care of 24 hours a day? Can he be independent? Also bearing in mind that the children might have a higher chance of turning out disabled.
Lastly I cannot marry someone out of sympathy; it just isn't right in my opinion. It's not genuine love and it's not fair on him either - He'd probably want someone who loves him and accepts him the way he is...and most likely willing to take care of him all the time. I personally wouldn't be able to take that pressure. The question is, will I be happy?
sunrise
27-03-07, 03:01 PM
Instead he'll accidentally read a small voucher note from KFC :rotfl:
Wife: Why did you choose me honey?
Lambo: "Er..er..(gets emergency note) "Succulent hot wings and Family meal. 5.99 only..Limited offer.."
:rotfl::rotfl:
loooool don't forget the free 2 litre coke bottle!:D
Well it's not my personal opinion, it's just that too many people here have already concluded they would without hesitation.
It seems they're just marrying that person out of sympathy - which in my eyes is detrimental to that person.
its not about sympathy akhi its about compassion to rule someone out for marriage because of something beyond their control just doesnt sit right with me, we are all brothers and sisters in Islam and we should care for each other, i just find far too many conditions amongst some muslims when it comes to marriage that even many of the kuffar dont seem to have.
For example oh theyre not the "right" race, or a man is shorter than a woman so that is seen as a problem,he or she is not "from the right ancestory, not from a muslim family ( which is a complete nightmare to hear this, for the reverts when all their family are kuffar) he or she is not an arab, a bengali, a pakistani, a woman is considered too old even for a brother of the same age ( although shes well within child bearing age)
I have never in my life come across such issues amongst the kuffar that i knew before Islam, if they like someone then they like them regardless of what the persons race, height, social standing, financial situation etc. etc. i dont know why some muslims are so fussy and come with huge lists of what they want.
If a brother asked me in marriage and he has one leg, no hands, half his face burnt off, or is in a wheel chair it has no bearing at all on my considering him for marriage as my only consideration would be based on his love of his religion. even if hes completely crippled and unable to walk it seriously does not bother me at all marriage is about companionship its not about what u can get out of a person, or the marriage somehow furthering ur social status amongst ur peers or whatever.
Bint Yusuf
27-03-07, 03:24 PM
its not about sympathy akhi its about compassion to rule someone out for marriage because of something beyond their control just doesnt sit right with me, we are all brothers and sisters in Islam and we should care for each other, i just find far too many conditions amongst some muslims when it comes to marriage that even many of the kuffar dont seem to have.
For example oh theyre not the "right" race, or a man is shorter than a woman so that is seen as a problem,he or she is not "from the right ancestory, not from a muslim family ( which is a complete nightmare to hear this, for the reverts when all their family are kuffar) he or she is not an arab, a bengali, a pakistani, a woman is considered too old even for a brother of the same age ( although shes well within child bearing age)
I have never in my life come across such issues amongst the kuffar that i knew before Islam, if they like someone then they like them regardless of what the persons race, height, social standing, financial situation etc. etc. i dont know why some muslims are so fussy and come with huge lists of what they want.
If a brother asked me in marriage and he has one leg, no hands, half his face burnt off, or is in a wheel chair it has no bearing at all on my considering him for marriage as my only consideration would be based on his love of his religion. even if hes completely crippled and unable to walk it seriously does not bother me at all marriage is about companionship its not about what u can get out of a person, or the marriage somehow furthering ur social status amongst ur peers or whatever.
i agree sister
however i dont think its a decisions you can make straight away trust me i got a disabled sibling hence reason for topic and the amount of care needed for her is a lot and is a hard transfer from a life where i was independant to one where you have to put another persons needs before your own. Then again shouldn't be hard if u have faith in allah and who said dunya was gonna be easy. But like i was saying if u make a decision u gotta be commited to it! no backing out because a person with a disability got just the same feelings.
Mashallah the replies on this thread make me smile so nice 2 see we do not have a shallow ummah:D
Bint Yusuf
27-03-07, 03:34 PM
Mashallah the replies on this thread make me smile so nice 2 see we do not have a shallow ummah:D
ennit:D mashAllah
salamz this is a very thought provoking thread init :D. anyway im not sure, if i would or wouldnt, iv never alhamdulilah been in such a situation. my grandad may Allah (swt) bless him has alzhimers and when he stays with us i care for him i hardly sleep all night so i know if he wakes, i help give him a bath etc and i know it is not easy but alhamdulillah i also know its not me doing these things by myself but Allah (swt) giving me the strength too, and thats what happens when u choose to marry a person who is disabled or becomes disabled later on in life, Allah (swt) gives u the strength and love to look after ur spouse. should i marry a girl with a disability, i ask only that she be a good muslimah coz that is what the attraction should be
hope i made sense :D
wasalam
Zeshan x
umm_huraiyrah
27-03-07, 05:21 PM
assalam alaikum
I just want to say this. Because I am disabled with a chronic pain disease. I want you all to think what would you do if you suddenly become disabled, blind, in a wheelchair etc.? How would you feel if someone didn't want to marry you because you are physically challenged? We are supposed to marry for the sake of allah. I have not read anywhere excluding those who are disabled. Being disabled or physically challenged should not matter. Like I said earlier i think Allah will reward us more. Inshallah. My husband is facing being in a wheelchair for the rest of his life and that don't change how i feel about him. What are you gonna do if you get married then become disabled? You would be hoping and praying she/ he stays. Anything can happen. It's all allah's will. You could be in an accident tomarrow and be paralyzed from waist down. Wouldn't you want a husband or wife to be there for you especially when it get's hard? I know I would. But really think as if u are already disabled, how would you feel? You'd want to be married too. ANd a lot of people do have disabilities have great outlooks on life and most don't let their disabilitys slow them down. This is just how I feel having already been there and done that on my part and dales. What if you marry a healthy person then a few years down the road they become sick or disabled? Would you leave or stay/??
Habiba
$HugoBoss$
27-03-07, 05:33 PM
It's a hard decision to make obviously easier said than done but at the end you truly need a big heart to do it :up:
Ruprecht
27-03-07, 06:14 PM
Physically disabled I think I could deal with.
Mentally disabled I'm afraid would be beyond me.
Physically disabled I think I could deal with.
Mentally disabled I'm afraid would be beyond me.
i hate to say it but i agree with u here
It's a hard decision to make obviously easier said than done but at the end you truly need a big heart to do it :up:
boss man has a point.
there is this mashallah akii who is always at the masjid in my town, his blind and is well known for his beautifull voice reciting the quran even leads some of the masjid prayers i think.
anywho some1 mentioned once the concept of marriage with him, they asked me, and god forgive me tho i didnt say it out loud i remember thinking
no i want my husband to see me.
i felt so bad but it was the truth, i wouldnt mind if we were married then later he went blind, but ur hubby 2 never see what u look like 2 never compliment u my mind did over time and i didnt even consider it further.
i thought i was a bit shallow
agree?
ummbilal
27-03-07, 06:42 PM
i would i look at iman not physical perfection, we could all wake up disabled tomorrow.
I'm noticing a few presumptious replies here. There appears to be an assumption among some people that disabled=dependant regardless of the type of disability and that couldn't be further from the truth.
umm_huraiyrah
27-03-07, 08:18 PM
I'm noticing a few presumptious replies here. There appears to be an assumption among some people that disabled=dependant regardless of the type of disability and that couldn't be further from the truth.
Yeah I agree. Not all disabled people are totally dependent. Me and dale can do for ourselves most of the time. Now and then we need help with like lifting heavy things but beyond that, we do good. Except with my shoulders my husband helps me bath, wash my hair, brushes my hair and helps me get my tops on. ( I can't lift arms above my head) But he doesn't complain not at all. I hate being sterotyped. We do a lot of things for ourselves just because we are disabled don't mean we're not independent.
Habiba
Khubaib
27-03-07, 09:25 PM
I would certainly marry a sister with a disability who had no one to take care of her but if the disability was a terminal illness like (AIDS) or the inability to have children I would let them know that I would have an additional wife.
I would certainly marry a sister with a disability who had no one to take care of her but if the disability was a terminal illness like (AIDS) or the inability to have children I would let them know that I would have an additional wife.
AIDS is highly contageous though if there are relations with the spouse who has it, and even if precautions are taken it is a gamble as nothing is 100% safe, not only are u putting your own life at risk, but risking spreading this disease to another innocent woman your other wife. maybe AIDS is a different case to other illness and disablity, people with AIDS should marry people with AIDS Allahu alam just my thoughts on it.
umm_huraiyrah
27-03-07, 10:51 PM
I would certainly marry a sister with a disability who had no one to take care of her but if the disability was a terminal illness like (AIDS) or the inability to have children I would let them know that I would have an additional wife.
I cannot have children, but Dale excepts that. I did get pregnant when we first married but i lost it before i even knew i was pregnant. Tried and tried never got prego after that. Went to infertility doc that was when i was told I could not have children anymore. I guess the miscarriage messed me up not real sure on that. But he accepts it. Now if he decided to have a co-wife i would be okay with that. Cause I do know how much he want's a baby. So I would support it for that cause, plus I'd have a co sis to help me out around here if she chose to live with us. inshallah. And I'd most definitly help her with the baby :D :inlove:
Al-Irhaab
28-03-07, 12:33 AM
yes and no.... depends on the disability....
if it was something which made her dependant such as being blind, or deaf or not being able to speak or walk etc, then no i wouldnt, purely because of the life i have and i would not be able to look after her....
if it was something like her face has been scarred or something like that then if she was pious and i liked her character then yes i would inshallah...
then again i am marrying someone with a mental disability.... is called stupidity :smack:
:eek: taqillah dont say that subhanAllah think good of the muslims insha Allah bro :(
Al-Irhaab
28-03-07, 12:40 AM
:eek: taqillah dont say that subhanAllah think good of the muslims insha Allah bro :(
huh :scratch: u talking to me ?
huh :scratch: u talking to me ?
yes akhi i am thats so sad to hear u call ur future wife stupid :(
Al-Irhaab
28-03-07, 12:43 AM
yes akhi i am thats so sad to hear u call ur future wife stupid :(
why else would she be marrying me inshallah :outta:
:smack: oh im sorry akhi, didnt see that coming
I cannot have children, but Dale excepts that. I did get pregnant when we first married but i lost it before i even knew i was pregnant. Tried and tried never got prego after that. Went to infertility doc that was when i was told I could not have children anymore. I guess the miscarriage messed me up not real sure on that. But he accepts it. Now if he decided to have a co-wife i would be okay with that. Cause I do know how much he want's a baby. So I would support it for that cause, plus I'd have a co sis to help me out around here if she chose to live with us. inshallah. And I'd most definitly help her with the baby :D :inlove:
ur beautifull u know that?
walahi if i was 2 ever consider polygyny there are 3 sisters on this site who i would love my co-wife/sisters 2 be like.
thats u, ukti asiya and beebee
i love u guys fisibililaah sis asiya i love her so much for the sake of Allah i think but u hardly know her. man it can only be because Allah loves her. i wish 2 be near her on judgment day thats how much i love this sister. she has eman as do u and beebee
u guys are the diamonds, emralds and rubys of ummah forum. stay true ukti's
we may all not talk intimately away from forums, but my heart loves u.
or should i say my soul.
dana stay real mami, u rock.
subhanAllah ukhti u making me cry here ur right dana is a star masha Allah,her strength an inspiration and its true in reality we hardly know each other but wallahi i feel the same way about u, bee bee, yusra, nawar,mg,dana, carol and many of our sisters here,its like ive known u all forever subhanAllah what a blessing from Allah ta ala this deen is, to love someone who u hardly know so much so that u would give them all that u owned and more is something that i had never known before, and its the love of Allah ta ala that unites us subhanAllah this is the beauty of al Islam. may Allah ta ala have mercy on us all and unite us in al jannah amin
Maureen
28-03-07, 01:16 AM
I think this question of marrying someone with a disability cuts across all religions, so is relevant to everyone.
I believe it is a question of love. If we love someone, their disability becomes less important and we see them as a person. Therefore if love is strong enough, it will overcome the disability.
subhanAllah ukhti u making me cry here ur right dana is a star masha Allah,her strength an inspiration and its true in reality we hardly know each other but wallahi i feel the same way about u, bee bee, yusra, nawar,mg,dana, carol and many of our sisters here,its like ive known u all forever subhanAllah what a blessing from Allah ta ala this deen is, to love someone who u hardly know so much so that u would give them all that u owned and more is something that i had never known before, and its the love of Allah ta ala that unites us subhanAllah this is the beauty of al Islam. may Allah ta ala have mercy on us all and unite us in al jannah amin
amin sweetheart would love 2 horse race with u in jannah
:D
Khubaib
28-03-07, 03:09 AM
AIDS is highly contageous though if there are relations with the spouse who has it, and even if precautions are taken it is a gamble as nothing is 100% safe, not only are u putting your own life at risk, but risking spreading this disease to another innocent woman your other wife. maybe AIDS is a different case to other illness and disablity, people with AIDS should marry people with AIDS Allahu alam just my thoughts on it.
You're correct.
I cannot have children, but Dale excepts that. I did get pregnant when we first married but i lost it before i even knew i was pregnant. Tried and tried never got prego after that. Went to infertility doc that was when i was told I could not have children anymore. I guess the miscarriage messed me up not real sure on that. But he accepts it. Now if he decided to have a co-wife i would be okay with that. Cause I do know how much he want's a baby. So I would support it for that cause, plus I'd have a co sis to help me out around here if she chose to live with us. inshallah. And I'd most definitly help her with the baby :D :inlove:
Mashallah. Not many sisters would reject being co-wives much less being content with this sunnah.
umm_huraiyrah
28-03-07, 03:28 AM
ur beautifull u know that?
walahi if i was 2 ever consider polygyny there are 3 sisters on this site who i would love my co-wife/sisters 2 be like.
thats u, ukti asiya and beebee
i love u guys fisibililaah sis asiya i love her so much for the sake of Allah i think but u hardly know her. man it can only be because Allah loves her. i wish 2 be near her on judgment day thats how much i love this sister. she has eman as do u and beebee
u guys are the diamonds, emralds and rubys of ummah forum. stay true ukti's
we may all not talk intimately away from forums, but my heart loves u.
or should i say my soul.
dana stay real mami, u rock.
Awwww mashallah thats so nice of you to say. That made my day you saying that! May allah reward you well. Ameen.
subhanAllah ukhti u making me cry here ur right dana is a star masha Allah,her strength an inspiration and its true in reality we hardly know each other but wallahi i feel the same way about u, bee bee, yusra, nawar,mg,dana, carol and many of our sisters here,its like ive known u all forever subhanAllah what a blessing from Allah ta ala this deen is, to love someone who u hardly know so much so that u would give them all that u owned and more is something that i had never known before, and its the love of Allah ta ala that unites us subhanAllah this is the beauty of al Islam. may Allah ta ala have mercy on us all and unite us in al jannah amin
Awwww ya'll are so sweet. :D Yeah I feel like I've known you all a long long time and love everyone of you. :inlove:
I think this question of marrying someone with a disability cuts across all religions, so is relevant to everyone.
I believe it is a question of love. If we love someone, their disability becomes less important and we see them as a person. Therefore if love is strong enough, it will overcome the disability.
Very very true.
You're correct.
Mashallah. Not many sisters would reject being co-wives much less being content with this sunnah.
I wouldn;t mind it :D In fact Dale said he was ok with it if I was. Now to find my hubby a co-wife :D Inshallah :inlove:
Really all of you have touched my heart in so many ways. May allah reward you all very well in this life and our next eternal life Ameen. You all got me in tears now :cry:
Phoenix CG
28-03-07, 03:30 AM
Yes I would, because I feel there would be more reward in the hereafter.
Songbird
28-03-07, 03:54 AM
why else would she be marrying me inshallah :outta:
Because sometimes, women get sit of paying bills.
RashidD
28-03-07, 04:32 AM
:rubeyes: :rubeyes: Long time...
its not about sympathy akhi its about compassion to rule someone out for marriage because of something beyond their control just doesnt sit right with me, we are all brothers and sisters in Islam and we should care for each other, i just find far too many conditions amongst some muslims when it comes to marriage that even many of the kuffar dont seem to have.
For example oh theyre not the "right" race, or a man is shorter than a woman so that is seen as a problem,he or she is not "from the right ancestory, not from a muslim family ( which is a complete nightmare to hear this, for the reverts when all their family are kuffar) he or she is not an arab, a bengali, a pakistani, a woman is considered too old even for a brother of the same age ( although shes well within child bearing age)
I have never in my life come across such issues amongst the kuffar that i knew before Islam, if they like someone then they like them regardless of what the persons race, height, social standing, financial situation etc. etc. i dont know why some muslims are so fussy and come with huge lists of what they want.
If a brother asked me in marriage and he has one leg, no hands, half his face burnt off, or is in a wheel chair it has no bearing at all on my considering him for marriage as my only consideration would be based on his love of his religion. even if hes completely crippled and unable to walk it seriously does not bother me at all marriage is about companionship its not about what u can get out of a person, or the marriage somehow furthering ur social status amongst ur peers or whatever.
Why the whole Muslim world, one billion souls, cannot somehow organise itself in such a way as to marry you off will always remain a mystery to me.
You know so much, my dear.
For the young people reading this thread, I would like you to read it closely and think about what's been said.
In your lifetime, you will likely be disabled yourself and/or required to care for someone whom you very much love who's disabled.
You must think very hard about this, because it determines not only how you understand your own character, but also the type of person whom you choose to marry.
Life isn't a hayride of endless good health.
Push will come to shove.
You will be required someday to care for someone who's very ill. Or you will someday be the very ill person who requires care.
The challenges can be greater than you can perhaps now imagine. They will test your faith in God.
This sort of thing takes guts.
Do you have guts?
Does the person you want to marry have guts?
Having a disability doesnt automatically mean dependency or the potential to develop dependency on others. It depends on the type of disability and how much it hinders or impinges on your life.
Plus everyone needs help now and then, so why should someone with a disability be treated as an outcast if they perhaps require more help than others?
I think the nature of the question and the answer would depend on the type of disability, how it affects them etc
dana made ur day? i wish 2 make ur year, month and life if given the chance:D
Why the whole Muslim world, one billion souls, cannot somehow organise itself in such a way as to marry you off will always remain a mystery to me.
Allah has a plan for her, sis asiya is no average muslima
there is a man being prepared who would be her equal heart wise inshahallah.as she deserves nothing less.
Lambo5688
28-03-07, 07:35 PM
Allah has a plan for her, sis asiya is no average muslima
Indeed:up:
Abu Baraa
28-03-07, 08:51 PM
InshaAllah sis' just make a lot of dua and have patience. A fact of life place your trust in Allah and HE will never,never let you down.:coolbro:
muslim_heart
28-03-07, 10:20 PM
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa baraketuh!
Many of you showed that they are ready to marry someone with disability! this is good masha Allah! but I don't think that many of you will be able to make it trully( Allah knows best)!
What we do see nowadays that those brothers and sisters with disabilities marry others with disabilties( because they are rejected from many of the people) at least in the marriage issue...( only few who accpet marrying them)
I have seen people getting refused( men refused woman/ or women refused men) beacuse of their races, their colours...even because of their nationalities...Subhana Allah!
So it's hard to believe that it is easy to accept someone with disability....I think that many who said that they are ready to marry a brother or sister with disability, is just saying..and if someone with disability will post a thread in Marriage section!! unfortunately I don't think that he/ she will get a response( and if so, it will be from someone who has a disability as well).
I know there are who did this before( marrying some1 with disability) and there will be others who will do, but only few( 1from 100000 or more) Allah knows best.
Beware of this verse anyway:
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do?
Most hateful it is with Allaah that you say that which you do not do” [al-Saff 61:2-3]
It will be good if we think like that, but thinking is not always enough, deeds are more betters! insha Allah.
For my brothers and sisters whith disabilities and all muslims read this:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress – not even a thorn that pricks him – but Allaah will expiate for some of his sins because of that.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5641).
Alhamdulillaah!
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa baraketuh!
Lambo5688
28-03-07, 10:22 PM
Then I guess we are those 1s from the 100000s. :up:
mashaAllah lambos still sticking to it..:D
muslim_heart
28-03-07, 10:27 PM
Yes! hope so! what about the 99999?!!
you see the problem still!
Medievalist
28-03-07, 10:35 PM
if Im honest it depends on the disability.
I know two deaf sisters who got married in Pakistan. They were from one of these TP type families where everyone in the family gets an arranged marriage to someone in Pakistan- usually to someone in the extended family. One got married to a guy who isn't disabled and the other got married to a second cousin who is also deaf. They seem very well settled with their little kids mashallah :inlove: and I'm really glad it worked out for them cos' on the other hand, I know a deaf sister from a different family who never got married and I think she's past child bearing age now which seems unfair to me cos' it's not as if she's lacking in anything else:o
Cashew, you are brilliant!
Maureen
29-03-07, 12:07 AM
I cannot have children, but Dale excepts that. I did get pregnant when we first married but i lost it before i even knew i was pregnant. Tried and tried never got prego after that. Went to infertility doc that was when i was told I could not have children anymore. I guess the miscarriage messed me up not real sure on that. But he accepts it. Now if he decided to have a co-wife i would be okay with that. Cause I do know how much he want's a baby. So I would support it for that cause, plus I'd have a co sis to help me out around here if she chose to live with us. inshallah. And I'd most definitly help her with the baby :D :inlove:
Your post almost bought tears to my eyes. I pray that things will work out for you in one way or another. I am sure you must be very happily married and your story demonstrates that love conquers all our sorrows.
Tru_Muslimah
20-01-08, 12:27 PM
salaam
seeing as you guys are talking bwt disability tht shud not b a problm.i mean if u hv no prblm with it den yea go ahead marry.as long as tht person is pious.
i myself hava a disability.i am severly deaf and i wear hearing aids in bth ears bt without i cant hear anything at all.bt alhamdulillah i can talk perfctly.
so 1 shud not complain about another person who has a disibility.i myself used to think who would wana marry a deaf gyal?bt nw i have found d guy hu wud want 2.and i would say any guy with a big heart wud do.
(*_Hamzah
20-01-08, 12:37 PM
Well it's not my personal opinion, it's just that too many people here have already concluded they would without hesitation.
It seems they're just marrying that person out of sympathy - which in my eyes is detrimental to that person.
You can marry out of sympathy
Abu Mus'ab
20-01-08, 01:26 PM
:inlove: I don't have a problem with it, Imam Bukhari was born blind, julabib was deformed, moses (ra) had a speech impediment subhanAllah the pious individuals who may seem odd or peculiar to us had true faith and imaan..and were amongst those most loved by Allah (swt)
i would surely marry a man with a diablility that was pious and would treat me well and take care of me:) than a man free of a disability and treat me unfairly and disrespect me:(
Imam bukhari rahimahullah was blind? :scratch:
Unique Muslimah
20-01-08, 01:37 PM
He became blind at a young age and they went to lots of Doctors for treatment but nothing helped..His Mother begged to Allah swt and prayed that his sight was restored..and one morning,it was:D
Oh yeah Ibrahim AS came to his mother in a dream and said your son's sight has been restored and then she woke up in the morning and twas..
Abu Mus'ab
20-01-08, 01:55 PM
yes and no.... depends on the disability....
if it was something which made her dependant such as being blind, or deaf or not being able to speak or walk etc, then no i wouldnt, purely because of the life i have and i would not be able to look after her....
if it was something like her face has been scarred or something like that then if she was pious and i liked her character then yes i would inshallah...
then again i am marrying someone with a mental disability.... is called stupidity :smack:
You just wait till i tell your wife what you said :asta:
Abu Mus'ab
20-01-08, 02:04 PM
He became blind at a young age and they went to lots of Doctors for treatment but nothing helped..His Mother begged to Allah swt and prayed that his sight was restored..and one morning,it was:D
Oh yeah Ibrahim AS came to his mother in a dream and said your son's sight has been restored and then she woke up in the morning and twas..
oh :jkk: i never knew that :rubeyes:
Abu Mus'ab
20-01-08, 02:15 PM
if Im honest it depends on the disability.
What's wrong with a mental disability? :scratch:
Bint Yusuf
20-01-08, 04:53 PM
What's wrong with a mental disability? :scratch:
If it's severe mental disability. Then you would be at harm or they would be at harm to themselves and would need to be in a hospital.
If i am honest i would say no, but if the disability came after marriage i would stick by my husband till i die.
Stylish-Girly
20-01-08, 09:49 PM
Anyone who's willin Subhan'Allah they're truly amazing and humble.. My beautiful friend was prepared to marry a brother who had only one arm which functioned but her parents didnt let it happen
Anyone who's willin Subhan'Allah they're truly amazing and humble.. My beautiful friend was prepared to marry a brother who had only one arm which functioned but her parents didnt let it happen
Oh that's terrible! So hard to find a decent match these days without having to contend with ignorant parents as well (unless the brother had unIslamic tendencies/practises in which case the parents were totally justified).
One of the pupils where I work has only one arm but he's no less restricted in what he's able to do than anyone else most of the time. I think ignorant parents are more afraid of how it LOOKS more than anything else.
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