View Full Version : two friends...
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 06:38 PM
say there's a guy who knows two girls are interested in marriage but these two girls are good friends.. they all practisicng masha'allah, and he has equal preference)
what does the guy do?
this isnt hypothetical..i know of a few cases of it.. :p
urban_rose
18-03-07, 06:40 PM
have a meeting with both, and then see which one you like better, in terms of personality, intellignece, beauty and all the other stuff. I dont see why the fact that they are friends would affect it in any way.
Peacenik
18-03-07, 06:43 PM
Marry both of them (as long as they're not sisters).
:)
I agree with wise rose
the only thing that would make the scenerio a problem is if one of the girls was in2 the bro in that she wanted marriage with him. but he went for her friend instead thats just not on! akiis come and go uktis stick around.
my comment can be appreciated if u look in2 why islam says an akii cant pursue a woman his friend is inclined towards.same rule applies for the uktis
barakallahu feek.
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 06:47 PM
have a meeting with both, and then see which one you like better, in terms of personality, intellignece, beauty and all the other stuff. I dont see why the fact that they are friends would affect it in any way.
wouldnt that make the situation awkward between them?
(and its not me btw :p)
Marry both of them (as long as they're not sisters).
:)
lol...assuming that's not feasible
Um Abdullah
18-03-07, 07:05 PM
he decides on one, then makes istikhara and sees her, if she is best for him then everythign will go well, if not, then it won't, and he can try the other one, do istikhara and see her.
Allah will choose for him which is best.
also he should ask people who know them, what their advice to him is, no 2 people are exactly the same, so the 2 girls would not be identical in everything, so after asking people's advice, he decides which one to start with, and do istikhara ..etc. (what I mentioned above).
say there's a guy who knows two girls are interested in marriage but these two girls are good friends.. they all practisicng masha'allah, and he has equal preference)
what does the guy do?
this isnt hypothetical..i know of a few cases of it.. :p
marry them both insha Allah :up: which would be perfect because they get along well anyways
er ibn sule..what mess u got ureself into this time? :p
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 07:09 PM
he decides on one, then makes istikhara and sees her, if she is best for him then everythign will go well, if not, then it won't, and he can try the other one, do istikhara and see her.
Allah will choose for him which is best.
also he should ask people who know them, what their advice to him is, no 2 people are exactly the same, so the 2 girls would not be identical in everything, so after asking people's advice, he decides which one to start with, and do istikhara ..etc. (what I mentioned above).
:up:
but say if it doesnt work out with the first one...then wouldnt the other feel like ermm second best?
cos regardless how pious someone is..jealousy exists within humans...would these feelings always be there???
marry them both insha Allah :up: which would be perfect because they get along well anyways
:up:
but thats not always possible...
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 07:10 PM
er ibn sule..what mess u got ureself into this time? :p
not me :smack:
.: Anna :.
18-03-07, 07:13 PM
he should just try to find out info about them and pick who is best then do istikhara as um abdullah said i think...
he can keep the option open 2marry the other one later if she accepts it, aslong as someone else didnt marry her first.
but the girls should also try not 2 become enemies because of this, realising that its already written who will marry who..
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 07:48 PM
tis:D
not :smack:
he should just try to find out info about them and pick who is best then do istikhara as um abdullah said i think...
he can keep the option open 2marry the other one later if she accepts it, aslong as someone else didnt marry her first.
but the girls should also try not 2 become enemies because of this, realising that its already written who will marry who..
exactly...but how likely is that to happen..and wud it be worth potentially ruining a friendship over..
say there's a guy who knows two girls are interested in marriage but these two girls are good friends.. they all practisicng masha'allah, and he has equal preference)
what does the guy do?
this isnt hypothetical..i know of a few cases of it.. :p
Are the two friends aware that this one guy is looking for marriage?
Maybe if theyre mature enough they will simply accept that he is likely to get on better with one of them.
heaven2002
18-03-07, 08:07 PM
they might both turn him down anyway
they might both turn him down anyway
ahahahahah shouldnt laugh but yeh! bet "he" never thought of that one! ;)
heaven2002
18-03-07, 08:12 PM
i know two girls (close freinds)who did get proposal from same guy
they turned him down
ur_yusra
18-03-07, 08:13 PM
marry them both insha Allah :up: which would be perfect because they get along well anyways
I agree.. being co-wife with your best freind sounds fun :D
i know two girls (close freinds)who did get proposal from same guy
they turned him down
:rofl1: bechara! shouldnt laugh.. thats not nice *tries to keep a straight face* well, its just not meant to be huh.
heaven2002
18-03-07, 08:15 PM
:rofl1: bechara! shouldnt laugh.. thats not nice *tries to keep a straight face* well, its just not meant to be huh.
:D hee hee , ur right shudnt laugh
:torture:
:D hee hee , ur right shudnt laugh
:torture:
ahahahahaahahahah stop it sis! :p
heaven2002
18-03-07, 08:18 PM
ahahahahaahahahah stop it sis! :p
hey how come i cant find stick out tongue icon?
personally i wud find it weird to have best mate as co-wife
life is complicated as it is!!
hey how come i cant find stick out tongue icon?
personally i wud find it weird to have best mate as co-wife
life is complicated as it is!!
:scratch: but surely it would be less complicated with ur best freind as a co - wife someone u know and love already and ur personalities are compatible so less hassle all around insha Allah
hey how come i cant find stick out tongue icon?
personally i wud find it weird to have best mate as co-wife
life is complicated as it is!!
Its simple hun, just the semi colon followed by a small "p" :p
eermm well again this all depends on your opinion on SHARING your husband! i aint sharing mine thankyou very much! :D (but mashaAllah to those sisters who have such big hearts- like sister asiya, whose posts are actualyl quite sweet and endearing with regards to being a co-wife with her best mate) :o can understand it- it would be nice, but i wonder if youd get on each others nerves! you'd have to have strong personalities, alot of sabr and love i reckon.
heaven2002
18-03-07, 08:31 PM
:scratch: but surely it would be less complicated with ur best freind as a co - wife someone u know and love already and ur personalities are compatible so less hassle all around insha Allah
if they had problems later on in their marriage to same person it could ruin their freindship
Its simple hun, just the semi colon followed by a small "p" :p
eermm well again this all depends on your opinion on SHARING your husband! i aint sharing mine thankyou very much! :D (but mashaAllah to those sisters who have such big hearts- like sister asiya, whose posts are actualyl quite sweet and endearing with regards to being a co-wife with her best mate) :o can understand it- it would be nice, but i wonder if youd get on each others nerves! you'd have to have strong personalities, alot of sabr and love i reckon.
hold up though i didnt say i was going to live with her :p we need our own houses insha Allah each persons marriage is their own private buisness even if your best freind is married to your husband im never going to speak about him to her
hold up though i didnt say i was going to live with her :p we need our own houses insha Allah each persons marriage is their own private buisness even if your best freind is married to your husband im never going to speak about him to her
lol! no i meant mashaAllah you have a big heart to even contemplate it- maybe in that sense im quite selfish :o I cant ever imagine my best friend and I being married to the same guy (actually it would just never happen, lol we like completely different type of men) :p
heaven2002
18-03-07, 08:36 PM
and if ur husband favoured ur best freind then it wud be natural to be jealous
, and i wudnt want to be jealous of my bestey mate
love her to bits:inlove:
and if ur husband favoured ur best freind then it wud be natural to be jealous
, and i wudnt want to be jealous of my bestey mate
love her to bits:inlove:
ahh but see if u had a good muslim husband with more than one wife u would never ever know who he favoured or loved more because hed be treating u both equally which is the condition for marrying more than one anyway so youd all be none the wiser insha Allah ;)
and if ur husband favoured ur best freind then it wud be natural to be jealous
, and i wudnt want to be jealous of my bestey mate
love her to bits:inlove:
exactttlyyyyy :love: I hear you sista!
heaven2002
18-03-07, 08:40 PM
ahh but see if u had a good muslim husband with more than one wife u would never ever know who he favoured or loved more because hed be treating u both equally which is the condition for marrying more than one anyway so youd all be none the wiser insha Allah ;)
i dont think theres any men left that wud know how to treat his wives fairly and equally
wasnt Aisha (R.A) considered a favourite wife of the Prophet (SAW)?
correct me if im wrong
i dont think theres any men left that wud know how to treat his wives fairly and equally
wasnt Aisha (R.A) considered a favourite wife of the Prophet (SAW)?
correct me if im wrong
me neither:o
i dont think theres any men left that wud know how to treat his wives fairly and equally
wasnt Aisha (R.A) considered a favourite wife of the Prophet (SAW)?
correct me if im wrong
ukhti there are such men today for sure i know of some :) but Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam didnt openly treat aisha differently, he just loved her more,and more than aisha he salallahu alleyhi wa salam loved khadija, but Allah ta ala has mentioned in the Quran that a man will never be able to love two women equally and there is no blame upon him for that, and none of his wives were insecure about that they were all sisters in Islam who loved each other and knew this is part of Al Islam, and of the nature of men so it wasnt a problem :) and yes these are the sahabiyat we are talking about a man of today would be well advised to not speak about his other wives at all to any of his wives, he comes in says salam, spends his night with her then he leaves and says i`ll be back on such and such a day salam alaikum and off he goes again... sisters the less u know the better u feel :up:
i dont think theres any men left that wud know how to treat his wives fairly and equally
wasnt Aisha (R.A) considered a favourite wife of the Prophet (SAW)?
correct me if im wrong
I think the Prophet (saw) did say to Allah, "I have treated my wives equallly, but forgive me for Aisha is very very dear to me." Something along those lines..but yeh- he was very very fond of Aisha RA in particular :)
well what if the dude doesnt want/can't maintain two wifes?
i don't think you can like two people the same amount? like you will have a preference for one...whether thats for certain characterisitcs they hold or for their looks, and i guess it would be a good place to start with that sister?
though if she rejected the man..and the man asked the other sis...she might feel like shes the 'last option'
might be better for the brother to find out if the sisters might be interested in him before actually proposing
From the thread title, I thought this thread was going to be about when two people get married, they become like friends :smack:
summer786
18-03-07, 09:24 PM
say there's a guy who knows two girls are interested in marriage but these two girls are good friends.. they all practisicng masha'allah, and he has equal preference)
what does the guy do?
this isnt hypothetical..i know of a few cases of it.. :p
aaaahh the age-old lurrrve triangle. why is it the man's always gotta have 2 ladies?:rolleyes:
bro ibn, have we been watching too many bollywood movies (hypothetically :p)
Ibn Khattab
18-03-07, 09:37 PM
just keep thing simple. do a dip.
ip dip doo, i dont have a clue, inshallah i make the right decision... i chose YOU!
Al-Irhaab
18-03-07, 09:38 PM
dont marry both of them whatever u do... :rolleyes: u in a no win situation if u do....
also dont consider both of them... definately do not speak to both of them about marriage... speak with the family of one and thats it... i heard a sheikh say once that you should never consider two women for marriage as it is unfair to play with them like that... consider one... if shes not the one for u then move on..
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 09:42 PM
well what if the dude doesnt want/can't maintain two wifes?
i don't think you can like two people the same amount? like you will have a preference for one...whether thats for certain characterisitcs they hold or for their looks, and i guess it would be a good place to start with that sister?
though if she rejected the man..and the man asked the other sis...she might feel like shes the 'last option'
might be better for the brother to find out if the sisters might be interested in him before actually proposing
hmm maybe..
both are interested...
ok..what complicates it further..is that they dont know the other is interested..
From the thread title, I thought this thread was going to be about when two people get married, they become like friends :smack:
excellent idea.....:D
aaaahh the age-old lurrrve triangle. why is it the man's always gotta have 2 ladies?:rolleyes:
bro ibn, have we been watching too many bollywood movies (hypothetically :p)
:0:
just keep thing simple. do a dip.
ip dip doo, i dont have a clue, inshallah i make the right decision... i chose YOU!
lool :p
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 09:44 PM
dont marry both of them whatever u do... :rolleyes: u in a no win situation if u do....
also dont consider both of them... definately do not speak to both of them about marriage... speak with the family of one and thats it... i heard a sheikh say once that you should never consider two women for marriage as it is unfair to play with them like that... consider one... if shes not the one for u then move on..
hmmm...
oh and just for clarification again...its not abt me :p :torture:
ur_yusra
18-03-07, 09:45 PM
hmmm...
oh and just for clarification again...its not abt me :p :torture:
I don't understand one must have some advantage over the other.. whether its deen or looks or status .. forgot the fourth one :scratch:..
Anyway go with her.. it doesnt sound like sucha pickle to me.
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 09:48 PM
I don't understand one must have some advantage over the other.. whether its deen or looks or status .. forgot the fourth one :scratch:..
Anyway go with her.. it doesnt sound like sucha pickle to me.
u forgot wealth :eek: :p
but wud it harm the friendship....??
ur_yusra
18-03-07, 09:55 PM
u forgot wealth :eek: :p
but wud it harm the friendship....??
No why would it?
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 10:03 PM
No why would it?
i dont know...? i'm not sure...thats kinda why i asked...
ur_yusra
18-03-07, 10:05 PM
i dont know...? i'm not sure...thats kinda why i asked...
Well why would they be upset with eachother I dont get it?
There are two sisters and a bro approaches one of them for marriage.. so why would that ruin their freindship :scratch: ..
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 10:12 PM
Well why would they be upset with eachother I dont get it?
There are two sisters and a bro approaches one of them for marriage.. so why would that ruin their freindship :scratch: ..
two girls both interested in the guy (but each doesnt know the other is interested)
now by the guy asking onw of them..wud that create unease between the friends?
am i making sense :scratch:
ur_yusra
18-03-07, 10:14 PM
two girls both interested in the guy (but each doesnt know the other is interested)
now by the guy asking onw of them..wud that create unease between the friends?
am i making sense :scratch:
Erm maybe for a short while.. but if they believe in qadr hence are practising.. then the one who was not chosen will get over it and their freindship will resume as normal inshaAllah.
ibn suleman
18-03-07, 10:18 PM
Erm maybe for a short while.. but if they believe in qadr hence are practising.. then the one who was not chosen will get over it and their freindship will resume as normal inshaAllah.
:up:
so from the guys point...is that risk worth taking..not knowing the effect it can have?
Um Abdullah
19-03-07, 09:15 AM
:up:
but say if it doesnt work out with the first one...then wouldnt the other feel like ermm second best?
cos regardless how pious someone is..jealousy exists within humans...would these feelings always be there???
bro, is he looking for which one is BEST for him, or is he trying to please both?
if he is trying to please both or not hurt the feeling of either one (assuming both girls want the guy) then he has only 2 options:
1_marry both
2_ marry neither, and look for another girl.
especially if it is going to cause enmity, and problems.
those 2 girls might not even be the best for him, that is why one does istikhara.
bro, is he looking for which one is BEST for him, or is he trying to please both?
if he is trying to please both or not hurt the feeling of either one (assuming both girls want the guy) then he has only 2 options:
1_marry both
2_ marry neither, and look for another girl.
especially if it is going to cause enmity, and problems.
those 2 girls might not even be the best for him, that is why one does istikhara.
considering the personal sad fact that 1_ isnt realistic nowadays
2 is his main islamic option.
i agree with u 100%
case closed!
seriously i tend to get irritated when i see something drag on and on, when the answer is obvious and has been answered from all angles.
is their a rule which requires threads 2 stay open untill hey presto the thread starter finaly sees the light, tho the light has been presented in the posts of some already?
man its annoying, but then i can just leave init? play on players and dont mind me just thinking out loud.
ibn suleman
19-03-07, 05:15 PM
bro, is he looking for which one is BEST for him, or is he trying to please both?
if he is trying to please both or not hurt the feeling of either one (assuming both girls want the guy) then he has only 2 options:
1_marry both
2_ marry neither, and look for another girl.
especially if it is going to cause enmity, and problems.
those 2 girls might not even be the best for him, that is why one does istikhara.
:jkk:
considering the personal sad fact that 1_ isnt realistic nowadays
2 is his main islamic option.
i agree with u 100%
case closed!
seriously i tend to get irritated when i see something drag on and on, when the answer is obvious and has been answered from all angles.
is their a rule which requires threads 2 stay open untill hey presto the thread starter finaly sees the light, tho the light has been presented in the posts of some already?
man its annoying, but then i can just leave init? play on players and dont mind me just thinking out loud.
:(
i didnt know there was an obvious answer, hence why i wanted the opinions of others. and yeh it does usually help if the thread starter "sees the light" as u put it, sometimes that can be after a post or two...or it may take many more..not evryones understanding of every issue is at the same level...and some take longer than others to understand..anyway apologies if this thread did irritate and annoy you.
:jkk: to everyone
ghanamuslima
22-03-07, 01:45 PM
have a meeting with both, and then see which one you like better, in terms of personality, intellignece, beauty and all the other stuff. I dont see why the fact that they are friends would affect it in any way.
islamically you can't do that, meet both of them that is
Tell them both a lame joke and see which one laughs at it. :D I'm just kidding. Pray Istikhara I guess.
sunrise
22-03-07, 02:07 PM
hmmm...
oh and just for clarification again...its not abt me :p :torture:
the more you deny it the more we think it's u:inlove:
well he should do istikhara and inshAllah choose whoever he thinks may be best or more compatible...
or go for someone totally different that may not have strings attatched
ibn suleman
22-03-07, 02:24 PM
the more you deny it the more we think it's u:inlove:
well he should do istikhara and inshAllah choose whoever he thinks may be best or more compatible...
or go for someone totally different that may not have strings attatched
:jkk:
:smack: its not me...:p
islamically you can't do that, meet both of them that is
ukhti its allowed for a man to arrange to marry with more than one women at the same time, its a woman who can have only one suitor at a time :)
:up:
so from the guys point...is that risk worth taking..not knowing the effect it can have?
I'm sorry what your saying is that a Guy is supposed to think twice about proposing to a sister because someone else may or may not be jealous, or hurt in some other way? :scratch:
How can this be a factor in you decision to marry?
This is not a Criteria for Marriage...
I mean since when did it become a condition to please others or everyone when you decide to marry someone? :scratch:
bro if you or someone is Pleased with the Character of a Muslimah and her Imaan (ie. she is practicing) Marry her, don't think about "Oh her friends may be jealous, hurt, or their friendship will break..."
a True Friend will not be Jealous or Hurt because the brother chose her friend to marry, because she knows this is a two way relationship, they both agreed by their own consent.
Insha'allah Allah subhana Uta'ala will grant us Pious Spouses whom he and we will both be pleased with.
We can only do what is Within our ability and leave the rest up to Allah.
:jkk:
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