rejecting a proposal

[Ibn Khattab]

how does one reject a proposal in a kind and un offensive manner?

[.: Anna :.]

hmm u can say "not compatible" without getting to the specific reasons why not

[Maalikah]

how does one reject a proposal in a kind and un offensive manner?

If the parties considering one another are not emotionally involved and attached, then a rejection should be inoffensive. As for being kind, politeness should suffice.

[muslima_89]

'i aint ready for marriage just yet' :) thats usually works..

[Peacenik]

how does one reject a proposal in a kind and un offensive manner?

One must prepare in advance for any rejection offered.

A very tricky situation.

As someone suggested, politeness and diginity is the key.

[Maalikah]

'i aint ready for marriage just yet' :) thats usually works..

So why would you even be considering someone for marriage purposes?

I don't think the brother is referring to someone who has proposed without any knowledge of whether the other person wants to marry or not. I think he means getting to know someone for the purposes of marriage, both parties intending marriage, and then realising s/he is not 'compatible' with you.

[Jigsaw]

just be honest.......and polite etc.

[muslima_89]

sorry my mistake, i didnt know i jus thought some1 who he didnt know proposed, and he wanted to say no :I

[Maalikah]

sorry my mistake, i didnt know i jus thought some1 who he didnt know proposed, and he wanted to say no :I

We don't know for sure until the brother clarifies, so my apologies to you if I sounded a little harsh. It would be over sensitive of him to think this much about a random 2 second proposal.

Lets' wait to see what the brother tell us...


:1popcorn:

[Ibn Khattab]

lol im not referring to me btw lol.

hmmm yeh i guess it shudnt be too much of a problem but i dno some people might take it offensively :S

[muslima_89]

i suppose its something u have to do, but yes the person should try to be as polite as possible, and try every possible means to avoid hurting the person in question

[Maalikah]

lol im not referring to me btw lol.

hmmm yeh i guess it shudnt be too much of a problem but i dno some people might take it offensively :S


Of course, people get offended/upset. This is not a rejection from a job interview - someone is making a judgement about you as a person.

Handling a rejection based on looks etc.

The first thing to do is be inoffensive and to the point. As Sister Anna said, you could say 'We're not compatible". Some sisters (or brothers) often push for specific reasons why. If s/he pushes for an answer (and is not relenting) perhaps you could say you discussed it with your parents and they have decided against it. I know it's a lie, but it's better than telling them the truth which will hurt them. If the lie can be avoided then of course, that is the best course of action.

Also, telling a sister/brother that is pushing for an answer that "you're not good looking enough for me" will upset them and cause avoidable heartache.

Handling a rejection based on something changeable
However, if the reason for the rejection is something that can be corrected e.g. not praying, not wearing hijab/desire to wear niqab, smoking etc. then I think the brother/sister should be told so they can correct themselves. Also, it may be they change their behaviour, and as a result of this you find that in fact you are compatible.

[umm_huraiyrah]

Simply say we are not compatible and leave it at that. Personally I'd prefer that ver we are incompatible because of this or that. Just say incompatible and leave it at that.

Habiba

[Fairy]

If someone rejected me, I think I would cry and then go beat them up :rolleyes: .

[heaven2002]

just a simple no thank you,
and if they ask for a reason then say u dont think ur compatible
and then most people wud leave it at that

[Hafsah]

get ur dad to call up the people in question and say 'unfortunately we're not interested...may Allaah grant both our kids good spouses' etc etc

personally i think its rude when someone doesnt call back

[Medievalist]

They usually come up with an excuse that she's too young yet or we want her to study some more. Their loss.

[seven]

just say istikhara was not positve

[bint]

no dont lie :rolleyes:

just say 'not compatible' like what anna suggested..

and someone like me wud say 'sorry mate u dont rawk ma sawwkks'..hmm now theres an idea :idea:

[seven]

i didn't say to lie... if u dont wanna marry the person... do istikhara anyway... it's very unlikely u will get a positive feeling since ur already feeling negative about the person... only take 5mins to do istikhara... the person can have their answer in 6 mins

[Fais]

no dont lie :rolleyes:

just say 'not compatible' like what anna suggested..

and someone like me wud say 'sorry mate u dont rawk ma sawwkks'..hmm now theres an idea :idea:

lol .. :rotfl: .. :D

[bint]

lol .. :rotfl: .. :D


gosh..dont tell me ure havin a deja vu?:shock:

[summer786]

Just say 'sorry, it's your face'

[Fais]

gosh..dont tell me ure havin a deja vu?:shock:

LOL, No :o ...

[Abu Mus'ab]

how does one reject a proposal in a kind and un offensive manner?
Write on the marriage paper N/A *Roll Eyes*

[MMS]

if someone rejected me i wouldnt feel sad, id just feel sorry for them :o
and then id get out my voodoo doll of the person and stick needles in them

[Medievalist]

if someone rejected me i wouldnt feel sad, id just feel sorry for them :o
and then id get out my voodoo doll of the person and stick needles in them

are you barelwi?

[Hassan Aidarus]

I rejected so many that i ran out of excuses :rubeyes:

[MMS]

are you barelwi?

noo im a power puff girl :rubeyes:

[Fais]

Write on the marriage paper N/A *Roll Eyes*

:rotfl: ...

if someone rejected me i wouldnt feel sad, id just feel sorry for them :o
and then id get out my voodoo doll of the person and stick needles in them

LOL ... :rotfl:

[Ibn Khattab]

just to confirm again that i am NOT talking about me at all, i have NOT received 2 proposals.

thanks.

[uhkt_al'muminun]

how does one reject a proposal in a kind and un offensive manner?

honesty is always the best policy but with that honesty there should also be ad'ab with it insh'Allah especially in a case like this :D

basically let the sister no that she's not yor prefrence but not in a way to make her feel insecure.

[ibn suleman]

plead insanity :p



no, but depends on how the situation cam about..if it was via parents..then get parents to do it..

if it was done on own..then as Anna said..say something along the lines of not being compatible..

[Kubs]

how does one reject a proposal in a kind and un offensive manner?


Honesty isn't always the better option. So let's say you don't find the guy attractive and he wants the reason for his rejection - you won't be saying, ‘cos I didn't find ya attractive,' - You'll destroy his confidence and self esteem :rolleyes:

I'd say the best excuse is: 'I'm not ready for marriage.' Though a girl I knew once said this to a guy who proposed to her and after a couple of weeks, she's engaged to some other person. The first guy wasn't very impressed.

I'd say be polite, mature and understanding. :up:

[uhkt_al'muminun]

hmm well not necciassirly :rolleyes:

honesty in my opinon is the best policy...well better then beating round the bush, if you no what i mean?

if you dont find the bro/sis attractive you dont have to go into detail just keep it short and simple "you not my prefrence" which is true right as your not physically attracted to that person :rolleyes:

BUT its not always what you say but rather how you say it, so as long as you dont say it in a way that you make the person feel insecure or unapperciated then your jigga :D

[Kubs]

hmm well not necciassirly :rolleyes:

honesty in my opinon is the best policy...well better then beating round the bush, if you no what i mean?

if you dont find the bro/sis attractive you dont have to go into detail just keep it short and simple "you not my prefrence" which is true right as your not physically attracted to that person :rolleyes:

BUT its not always what you say but rather how you say it, so as long as you dont say it in a way that you make the person feel insecure or unapperciated then your jigga :D

Jigga? lol :p

Yeah I suppose you are right!

[uhkt_al'muminun]

Jigga? lol :p

Yeah I suppose you are right!

lol :D so its all 'jigga' i take it....

sis you had a point mash'Allah :)

[Quest]

Truth is u can plan all u want, when the moment is there u get tongue tied and the un sugar coated truth comes out. trust me i know.

and what i said tho sincere i cant help wonder today if it was harsh

"I am looking for something, i cant articulate exactly what it is, but i know it aint here"

:rolleyes:

b4 that i had in mind something completely different.

so yeah, point is u can plan the perfect sentence now, but the reality is things do not go according to plan :zzz:

[greenwater]

I wonder how you say 'not compatible' in urdu and arabic?

I think its always best to be honest, but use the broadest word, so not to offend. And 'Not compatible' covers most the reason's why you may reject someone.

Anyway, I'm just wondering how many times you meet in the process before deciding. I would find it hard to say yes or no, just after one meeting, because there'a only so much you can talk in the first meeting.

[muslimah85]

I was in this situation and even though you say no people will take it offensivly. I had a sister pestering me for 6 months to marry her hubbies friend and when I said no kindly she declined and said she was offended,and still persisted.

So said nicely or not nicely some people will take it offensively at the end of the day be truthful and firm in your decision. The ball is in their corner then.

[Quest]

I was in this situation and even though you say no people will take it offensivly. I had a sister pestering me for 6 months to marry her hubbies friend and when I said no kindly she declined and said she was offended,and still persisted.

So said nicely or not nicely some people will take it offensively at the end of the day be truthful and firm in your decision. The ball is in their corner then.

Why would she get offended its not like shes the one whose rejected.

[Lambo5688]

Just say:

O snap! I left the toaster on!! and then run.

[Quest]

Just say:

O snap! I left the toaster on!! and then run.

and if thats not really the case then it would be lying init?

[Lambo5688]

and if thats not really the case then it would be lying init?

Nope. When you wake up in the morning, and you get the feeling that you'll be getting some proposals today - just leave ur toaster on as a backup plan.

[Abu Mus'ab]

Just say:

O snap! I left the toaster on!! and then run.
or you can say you've got someone else in mind *Roll Eyes*

[Redmist]

Pathetic :rolleyes:

[scribble]

no dont lie :rolleyes:

just say 'not compatible' like what anna suggested..

and someone like me wud say 'sorry mate u dont rawk ma sawwkks'..hmm now theres an idea :idea:

Heeeeey! That's mine! You nicked it. ! :shock: :p




*takes it back*

:outta:

On topic:

"I'm so sorry for this, but I feel our ambitions and dreams clash with one another, and after a lot of thought I've come to the conclusion that for our own benefits, we shouldn't get married. There's someone better out there for you."

[ibn suleman]

"I'm so sorry for this, but I feel our ambitions and dreams clash with one another, and after a lot of thought I've come to the conclusion that for our own benefits, we shouldn't get married. There's someone better out there for you."

wow..masha'allah :up:

[Fairy]

if someone rejected me i wouldnt feel sad, id just feel sorry for them :o
and then id get out my voodoo doll of the person and stick needles in them

Listen Harry Potter, Black magic is wrong.;)

[Jam]

:salams

I guess in a matter such as important as marriage, offence may sometimes be caused even if one attempts to curtail proceedings in the most polite manner possible. This would especially be so if one party has set their heart on the union and considers the proposal to be a good one.

As my brothers and sisters have mentioned previously, if you are in the position of having to decline a proposal, just try and be as kind and polite as possible, highlighting the important point that one should not go into a life-long commitment unless they are 110% sure about the union.

Reactions will almost certainly be as unique as those individuals being declined. Some people take things to heart, some just brush it off. However it is imperative that you should try your best not to hurt the feelings of the other party :insha:, and Allah (swt) knows best :up:

:salams

[Quest]

Truth can hurt u or liberate u

u choose.

Nope. When you wake up in the morning, and you get the feeling that you'll be getting some proposals today - just leave ur toaster on as a backup plan.

lol cant say i havent used such logic b4

[Raziel]

Truth can hurt u or liberate u

u choose.

lol cant say i havent used such logic b4

We aught to just tell them the Truth in a polite manner instead of these diversionary tactics to avoid it...

Because either way they will Know if you rejected them or Not, as you won't be marrying them...:o

[Al Qadr]

Just tell em the istikharaa didnt come out good
OR
You dont see each other as compatible
OR say...
"You are too good for me" then they will get happy and wont mind :D but might cause big-headedness

[Raziel]

Just tell em the istikharaa didnt come out good
OR
You dont see each other as compatible
OR say...
"You are too good for me" then they will get happy and wont mind :D but might cause big-headedness

Thats a nice one...:D

[Al Qadr]

lol or "I think you can do better, so I'm gonna let u find someone else" :p

[Raziel]

lol or "I think you can do better, so I'm gonna let u find someone else" :p

These could end up as Lies though...because were just conjecturing...

[Al Qadr]

:S but it could be true. But if it isnt, then jus say not compatible.

[Raziel]

:S but it could be true. But if it isnt, then jus say not compatible.

True, it's a Guess either way... :o

I agree it's better to reject Politely...

:jkk:

[heaven2002]

just say a simple 'no thankyou, but jazakallah for the proposal and may Allah reward you with a pious partner soon '
best thing to do is to get a freind or parents to convey this as i wud be :o

[Raziel]

just say a simple 'no thankyou, but jazakallah for the proposal and may Allah reward you with a pious partner soon '
best thing to do is to get a friend or parents to convey this as i wud be :o

thats the best reply I've seen...:D

:jkk:

[ur_yusra]

Honesty is the best policy.

[muslimah85]

Honesty is the best policy.
exactly rather then beat around the bust. get's peoples hopes high.

[junaidb]

'i aint ready for marriage just yet' :) thats usually works..

lol....or that you could say that you will read Istikharah and give answer.... then later say that istikharah didnt work out.....i think that polite enough.....

Allahu A'llam

:coolbro:

[Ebony]

Just say something like "dont think we're compatible", "It wont work out" etc

Or if that dont work then

"I can't stand you and you make my skin crawl" should definitely work

[abdul Mateen]

rejection is not easy on either side of it. i'd handle it as a man should, accept it and move on (then hope i never have to see the sister again:).

[Asmara]

The best way to reject someone is to say "I'm not ready. I want to finish my studies. I want to get my BA, then do my Masters and then my pHD. Then I want to see the world". OR MAYBE NOT! I wouldn't want to lie personally.

[uhkt_al'muminun]

The best way to reject someone is to say "I'm not ready. I want to finish my studies. I want to get my BA, then do my Masters and then my pHD. Then I want to see the world". OR MAYBE NOT! I wouldn't want to lie personally.

lool yeah sounds all good but then the person might wait until "ur ready"

[Al-ghurabah]

jus hope u wern mean bro and she took it well...
must be hard for you rejecting so many

[Ibn Khattab]

just want to make it clear yet again :rolleyes: that this question is purely a made up question analysing a situation and does NOT reflect my situation.

thanks

[bint]

just want to make it clear yet again :rolleyes: that this question is purely a made up question analysing a situation and does NOT reflect my situation.

thanksim sure we know that:up:

[Ibn Khattab]

im sure we know that:up:

nah nah nah like SERIOUSLY i aint got no proposals man.

ppl keep asking me if i have :rolleyes:

[Abu Mus'ab]

nah nah nah like SERIOUSLY i aint got no proposals man.

ppl keep asking me if i have :rolleyes:
You mean you got absolutely no proposals?
they must think you're a *cough* player *cough* *Roll Eyes*

[bint]

nah nah nah like SERIOUSLY i aint got no proposals man.

ppl keep asking me if i have :rolleyes:
lol i know..! :p

[Peacenik]

lol i know..! :p

So do we, Bint.

:)

[Zesty]

eermm you just tell the truth? I dont think we are compatible, or i dont think we are right for each other?

[Ibn Khattab]

nah seriously guys this aint about me.

[Abu Mus'ab]

nah seriously guys this aint about me.
We know that man *Roll Eyes*

if you know ummah.com then you should know things will turn out like this, it's like that thread Omar started about what is your reason why you registered on ummah.com, everyone who responded read the first post where he said 'he's here to get married' and people responded to that, so people here will read your first post and think you're getting proposals *Roll Eyes*

[Raziel]

Anyone know that Hsdith where it says that when you are pleased with the Iman and character of a Person who proposes to you, You should Not reject them because it would cause fassad and fitna?

[ibn suleman]

Anyone know that Hsdith where it says that when you are pleased with the Iman and character of a Person who proposes to you, You should Not reject them because it would cause fassad and fitna?

The Prophet (SAW) said "If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great evil." (Agreed upon by Tirmidhi and ibn Majah)

[sunrise]

The Prophet (SAW) said "If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great evil." (Agreed upon by Tirmidhi and ibn Majah)

:up:

what a shame we are too bothered with looks and ethnicity:smack:

[Nazias]

what a shame we are too bothered with looks and ethnicity:smack:

I think in regards to ethnicity, it is due to the parents criteria rather then the individuals.. Allahu Alim.

[sunrise]

I think in regards to ethnicity, it is due to the parents criteria rather then the individuals.. Allahu Alim.

occasionally, but i don't think there is enough effort from the bro or sis 2 say actually no this aisnt from Islam...Allah hua3lam

[Raziel]

:up:

what a shame we are too bothered with looks and ethnicity:smack:

I second that, we Put looks and ethnicity too much value over Iman and Character...

:jkk: