dilemma

[heaven2002]

what would you do if....

you are an only child - a daughter. your mum relies on you for company and to do errands for her, little jobs and also for your company.

when you get married , your husband doesnt mind you visiting your mum for a few hours every other day.

then ur mother in law starts to get upset about this regular visiting as she thinks its not appropriate for a married girl to go to her mums too often.

so your husband asks you not to go as often. your mum calls, shes upset - she has no-one else who can give her that company, and do those errands for her.

who would you obey?

bearing in mind that paradise lies under the feet of your mother (even after you are married this holds true) and also that ur trying to be an obedient wife

what wud u do???:scratch:

[Zesty]

Could you not sit down with your husband and explain the situation? Also talk to you mother in law with love and respect and try to show her that you are an only daughter and your mother relies on you?

[bint]

why do people have this weird illusion that a married woman shudnt visit her family evryday? if her husband is okay with it then there is no problem.

its just backward thinking..
id explain to my mother in law nicely..i wont go off on one..(something that i tend to do) for the sake of our rishta..etc.and so at the end the hubz wud b happy to for being peaceful..

[Medievalist]

The Muftis would have to be consulted but if my memory serves me correctly then as she is the only person on whom the mother can rely for assistance then there may be leeway for daughter to disobey husband and do khidmah of elderly mother.

BUT - thats IF my memory serves me correctly and only such permission can be granted by a Mufti Hadrat who knows the details of the case.

[ur_yusra]

He should explain to his mother that culture has no place in Islam.. and allow her to visit her mother more often..

[heaven2002]

thank u for ur comments, this is by the way not my situation but one of a freind

its a bit confusing for a woman as paradise lies under our mother's feet and yet we have to obey our husband, so what if the two clash? who gets preference?

[bint]

id give me mum preference :)..

but-

i dunno what the islamic opinion is on this..it sure wud be interesting to read.

[ur_yusra]

thank u for ur comments, this is by the way not my situation but one of a freind

its a bit confusing for a woman as paradise lies under our mother's feet and yet we have to obey our husband, so what if the two clash? who gets preference?

I think its the husband.. not 100% sure..

[heaven2002]

when a husband has his mother and wife clashing then he has to listen to his mum as paradise lies under her feet not his wife's feet

so i thought it might be same for a wife, that she has to listen to her mum and put her mums wishes first, as long as she is not denying her husband his rights

[ur_yusra]

The thing is the messenger of Allah (SAW) said along the lines of if we were allowed to prostrate to other than just Allah (SWT) then the wife would prostrate to her husband.. so he has a huge right over his wife..

..and then the messenger of Allah (SAW) said Jannah lies under the feet of the mother..

Now I'm confused :S

[Medievalist]

She is to give preference to her husband after marriage but on the condition that it does not entail neglect of her parents rights.

She is to maintain her subservience to both husband and parents at the same time and if there is a class in advice then she goes for the husbands orders. In this example above the husbands command is tantamount to neglect of a parent and there is no obedience to a creation when the Creator is being disobeyed.

But the Muftis Hadraat are more knowledgable and aware of the intricacies.

[Al-Irhaab]

thank u for ur comments, this is by the way not my situation but one of a freind

its a bit confusing for a woman as paradise lies under our mother's feet and yet we have to obey our husband, so what if the two clash? who gets preference?

the husband gets preference but like med says some rules have exceptions... so if the mother has no other help then the wife shld consult a mufti in regards to the situation...

however the husband shldnt be such a spaz that he cant speak to his mother and explain the situation and over ride her view...

[Nazias]

The person should sit down and explain the situation to her husband and mother in law and Insha'allah see if they can reach a compromise.

[heaven2002]

i feel very sorry for her mum
she is often alone all day

[.: Anna :.]

cant she talk to her mother in law about this, maybe she should explain the mother in law that she is kind of doing a bad thing depriving that girls mum of the company of her only family...
also if mum in law doesnt like it maybe she can bring her to visit aswell then she might like it, and the mum and mum in law could become friends? then maybe if they daughter has 2 do somethings at home a couple of days, mum in law could even go round 2 visit herself 2 give company and 2 nurture the friendship.
the mum in law needs 2 respect that there is kinship ties there which has 2 be kept, and if hubby originally had no problem with it, to try and forbid it then she is kind of trouble making no?

[bint]

i think its simple. dont marry a guy that doesnt value ure mother.

[Nazias]

i think its simple. dont marry a guy that doesnt value ure mother.

but it's a bit late though :( and the impression I got was that it was the mother in law that had the issue but Allahu Alim.

[heaven2002]

mum in law is traditional in sense that when a girl gets married she shudnt be going to often to her parents house
some families in asian culture think this reflects bad and people will talk:rolleyes:
yes mum and mum in law could become freinds inshallah, but somehow i dont think its likely

so hard being the only child, many responsibilities when parents get older

[bint]

lol mashaAllah its very likely that mum n mum in law get along like a house on fire. my mum gets along mad well with my sister in laws mother :p

[heaven2002]

they have very different personalities , points of view

[bint]

they have very different personalities , points of view
i guess the Daughter in law..shud just be chilled out with her mother in law..at the same time..keep a firm stand that ure gonna go see ure mum. ?no?i mean if its the husband..someone has sai dthat u have to obey ure husband..so i gues..she shudnt go.

[.: Anna :.]

lol mashaAllah its very likely that mum n mum in law get along like a house on fire. my mum gets along mad well with my sister in laws mother :p
yeah my mum in law and sis in laws mum get on really well, and my sis in laws mum just moved down 2 london too so thats cool :D i love my sis in laws mum aswell :love:

[heaven2002]

its nice when people get on
but sometimes even when one party tries really hard , the other party is just always dissapointed in them
some people just dont get on

[bint]

yeah my mum in law and sis in laws mum get on really well, and my sis in laws mum just moved down 2 london too so thats cool :D i love my sis in laws mum aswell :love:


lol yeah!

when me mam was at hajj..my sister in laws mum wud ring evry day..maybe twice..shed come down to see us..evrything..just how my mum wud..:love:

so yeah u know pray that u have a mother in law like that :p inshaAllah:inlove:

[Al-Muhaajiroun]

what would you do if....

you are an only child - a daughter. your mum relies on you for company and to do errands for her, little jobs and also for your company.

when you get married , your husband doesnt mind you visiting your mum for a few hours every other day.

then ur mother in law starts to get upset about this regular visiting as she thinks its not appropriate for a married girl to go to her mums too often.

so your husband asks you not to go as often. your mum calls, shes upset - she has no-one else who can give her that company, and do those errands for her.

who would you obey?

bearing in mind that paradise lies under the feet of your mother (even after you are married this holds true) and also that ur trying to be an obedient wife

what wud u do???:scratch:

Salaam. It depends if it contradicts with your husband. Your a married woman and there for you have to obey your husband. So if your hubby says go and visit your mum then Alhumdulillah, you shouldn't worry about his mum, but if he says no and your mum says "still visit me" then you can't obey your mother if it clashes with your hubbies.

[Quest]

Heaven i read a story once, cant recall its status (sahih etc) but i read and heard it many times. It was during the time of nabi musa a/s if my memory serves me correctly i always forget 1 tiny detail.

anywho

There was a woman, whose father was sick, she asked her husband if she could visit, he said not today i need u, so she obeyed him, a day or so later she asked again, he said not today i need u, this went on for a while, untill news reached her that her father had died, she asked to go visit his grave, he said not today i need u:rolleyes: (needs like a man needs his wife)

so they did what a husband and wife do, only after that she came to her fathers grave, and a tear or drop of water from her hair (forgot which) fell due 2 grief and landed on his grave.

thru that her father was forgiven.
i dont know how exactly this relates 2 ur thread, i just thought i'd share it and somehow some relevance can be derived from it.
barakallahu feek

i think its simple. dont marry a guy that doesnt value ure mother.

ditto

[Asmara]

I would obey my mother. Husbands can be divorced but mothers can't.

[Barracuda]

Yup

Just like disposible diaper.

[heaven2002]

can i just repeat this post isnt about me
its about someone elses dilemma
havent heard from here since i posted, hope shes ok, inshallah

[Al Aqsa]

Assalaamu alaykum,

This may sound crazy but what if the mother came to live closer to them? Or moved in with them? Or is this a no no culturally? That way the daughter could just go next door or something and pop in to see her mum or her um could live with them which would be nice :)

May be a long shot...

[`asiya]

Assalaamu alaykum,

This may sound crazy but what if the mother came to live closer to them? Or moved in with them? Or is this a no no culturally? That way the daughter could just go next door or something and pop in to see her mum or her um could live with them which would be nice :)

May be a long shot...

no i dont think thats crazy its a good idea, i was just going to say if the mother in law has a husband to take care of her, and the mother of the girl lives alone relying on her daughter for company and assistance, then perhaps it would make more sense for them both to go and live with her mother, and take care of her and visit the mother in law every other day :up:

[sunrise]

what would you do if....

you are an only child - a daughter. your mum relies on you for company and to do errands for her, little jobs and also for your company.

when you get married , your husband doesnt mind you visiting your mum for a few hours every other day.

then ur mother in law starts to get upset about this regular visiting as she thinks its not appropriate for a married girl to go to her mums too often.

so your husband asks you not to go as often. your mum calls, shes upset - she has no-one else who can give her that company, and do those errands for her.

who would you obey?

bearing in mind that paradise lies under the feet of your mother (even after you are married this holds true) and also that ur trying to be an obedient wife

what wud u do???:scratch:

As salam ou lakoum

well if the person isn't married yet they should make it clear that this is your mum and you ahve dutuies towards her aswell as him and that inshAllah if they work 2gether they can make it work

if it's after the marriage then inshAllah try and come to some sort of agreement that won't comprimise either of them, and remind the in laws that although you r his wife not u are still her daugther!

That's why arrangments should be amde clear before the nikah inshAllah

but jst try and reason with them and make them see how horrible it would be if it was their only daugther, and most importantly make dua2 Allah (swt) to make them see your point of view

sunrise