View Full Version : the better option
nothing better than a good ol marriage discussion :o
right so imagine somebody has proposed to you and u are happy with their character and have done istikhara and everything and u feel positive about it and nothing has been made official but both the guy and girl agree to the marriage
but thenn :eek: someone else proposes and this person is also nice, both are pious but this new one in terms of islamic knowledge is slightly stronger and is a tad bit better looking and is just overall very slightly better than the first person
changing ur mind will hurt the first person because they are all excited about marrying u
would u stick to the first person
or go for the better option
:scratch:
Al-Irhaab
17-03-07, 05:31 PM
nothing better than a good ol marriage discussion :o
right so imagine somebody has proposed to you and u are happy with their character and have done istikhara and everything and u feel positive about it and nothing has been made official but both the guy and girl agree to the marriage
but thenn :eek: someone else proposes and this person is also nice, both are pious but this new one in terms of islamic knowledge is slightly stronger and is a tad bit better looking and is just overall very slightly better than the first person
changing ur mind will hurt the first person because they are all excited about marrying u
would u stick to the first person
or go for the better option
:scratch:
thats a difficult one but the first one cus of the istikhara etc and because the second one wouldnt have proposed if he knew abt the first one :smack:
thats a difficult one but the first one cus of the istikhara etc and because the second one wouldnt have proposed if he knew abt the first one :smack:
erm u fit into the third category of the poll :up: its not that difficult :D
Raggy Doll
17-03-07, 05:32 PM
not sure if its permissable to consider two people at the same time :(
men are like busses.
Rie_Maya
17-03-07, 05:33 PM
I thought that islamically a man should not propose to a girl if someone else who she is considering has already done so and for the girl/family not to make this clear is sinful - or am I wrong?
Hence if following Islamic teaching this sitation would never occur Insha'Allah.
ur_yusra
17-03-07, 05:35 PM
You have to go for the first unfortunately unless of course you really like the second.. the first will get over it.. men get over things like that quickly.. will probs find another sis within two days of you bumping him.
Ibn Khattab
17-03-07, 05:38 PM
MMS you are in a difficult situation here but just go for the first init :p the isitikhara was good plus he did come first so subhnallah just go for the first *thums up*
Umm 'Umarah
17-03-07, 05:38 PM
can't she do istikaraah on the other one too? and see which has a better outcome then make the decision.
I'd say go for the better looking more knowledgable one..:D (but thats my opinion of course)
ur_yusra
17-03-07, 05:39 PM
can't she do istikaraah on the other one too? and see which has a better outcome then make the decision.
I'd say go for the better looking more knowledgable one..:D
lol.. ahem..
scribble
17-03-07, 05:42 PM
Oooh, sis MMS, got two fellas after you or what? :p
:outta:
I thought that islamically a man should not propose to a girl if someone else who she is considering has already done so and for the girl/family not to make this clear is sinful - or am I wrong?
Hence if following Islamic teaching this sitation would never occur Insha'Allah.
lets say nothing had been made official they arent engaged or anything and the second person has no idea about the first person
MMS you are in a difficult situation here but just go for the first init :p the isitikhara was good plus he did come first so subhnallah just go for the first *thums up*
lol im not in a situation alhamdulillah, im jus bored thought a marriage topic wud liven things up
btw what if you do istikhara for both and both come out positive? :o
Umm 'Umarah
17-03-07, 05:43 PM
lol.. ahem..
ahem..yeah.. sorry...that would be unfair on the first one..
Go with the first one since Istikaarah has been done... this could well be a test from Allah.
ur_yusra
17-03-07, 05:44 PM
ahem..yeah.. sorry...that would be unfair on the first one..
Go with the Istikaarah this could well be a test from Allah.
But then..
1) She isn't really engaged to the first..
2) He'll get over it.
3) The second guy is better.. in looks and deen..
Soooo.. I say go with the second..
Umm 'Umarah
17-03-07, 05:47 PM
But then..
1) She isn't really engaged to the first..
2) He'll get over it.
3) The second guy is better.. in looks and deen..
Soooo.. I say go with the second..
but the first one was interested first..
ur_yusra
17-03-07, 05:47 PM
but the first one was interested first..
But the second is better then the first.. plus the first obviously failed to secure a deal :p
summer786
17-03-07, 05:49 PM
what so you're going to marry the first guy for the rest of your life out of politeness?? :eek:
Umm 'Umarah
17-03-07, 05:51 PM
what so you're going to marry the first guy for the rest of your life out of politeness?? :eek:
no I would say it's more loyalty + the Istikaarah outcome.
go with the first, i say :up: unless you really like the 2nd bro and feel he'd fill the big-hubby-boots well
Umm 'Umarah
17-03-07, 05:54 PM
But the second is better then the first.. plus the first obviously failed to secure a deal :p
I think the first would have hastened to if he knew the second was coming. :p
ur_yusra
17-03-07, 05:59 PM
I think the first would have hastened to if he knew the second was coming. :p
Which indicates limited intelligence.. another negative.
I think the first would have hastened to if he knew the second was coming. :plool
but considering everything > it just won't be fair with the first, if the second one is to be chosen... :outta:
Ibn Khattab
17-03-07, 06:01 PM
actually i dunno. see, if i was in that positon id marry them both :p (no offence jus a joke)
but again i wud go for the first but it depends how much more attractive the second is. i mean if hes like *jaw drops* then yeh do sum more istikhara but i still think its deep on the first.
the thing is there isnt anything wrong with the first so its cool inshallah
Umm 'Umarah
17-03-07, 06:02 PM
Which indicates limited intelligence.. another negative.
That could apply to the second one also for not knowing the first was already there before him.
ur_yusra
17-03-07, 06:03 PM
That could apply to the second one also for not knowing the first was already there before him.
True.. hmmm maybe she should yard them both.
actually i dunno. see, if i was in that positon id marry them both :p (no offence jus a joke)
but again i wud go for the first but it depends how much more attractive the second is. i mean if hes like *jaw drops* then yeh do sum more istikhara but i still think its deep on the first.
the thing is there isnt anything wrong with the first so its cool inshallah
:rubeyes: astaghfirullah :|
lol its not just about looks but in terms of deen the second person is stronger
Ibn Khattab
17-03-07, 06:05 PM
:rubeyes: astaghfirullah :|
lol its not just about looks but in terms of deen the second person is stronger
did i say something wrong :embar:
did i say something wrong :embar:
i just found it astaghfirullah that u are speaking of what u would do but using HE in ur own situation
haraaaam :torture:
Ibn Khattab
17-03-07, 06:07 PM
i just found it astaghfirullah that u are speaking of what u would do but using HE in ur own situation
haraaaam :torture:
oh nah i meant if i was a sister init. obviously im not but u knw...
urban_rose
17-03-07, 06:10 PM
eek, this is difficult, i think id go for the 2nd person, after all his deen is stronger inshAllah, as you say and he is better looking :D
Raggy Doll
17-03-07, 06:11 PM
go for the highest bidder
largest dowry offering wins
why chooose... hav em both!!! :coolbro:
urban_rose
17-03-07, 06:14 PM
why chooose... hav em both!!! :coolbro:
with one as the hubby and the other as the bit on the side?...tut tut...Guava, have sharam :rolleyes: ;)
:rubeyes: astaghfirullah :|
lol its not just about looks but in terms of deen the second person is strongerthe one with more Taqwa would win... :)
why chooose... hav em both!!! :coolbro:haraam :torture: [finally - gotto use this smilie :D ]
the one with more Taqwa would win... :)
haraam :torture: [finally - gotto use this smilie :D ]
:smack: im talking from a brehs perspective!! :rolleyes:
Tell them each that another man proposed. Choose one that you reacted the way that meant something to you.
:smack: im talking from a brehs perspective!! :rolleyes:
:smack: and how was i to know that akh. :rolleyes:
:smack: and how was i to know that akh. :rolleyes:
well comin from a breh!!!! :wacko: would be a good start!!! souferners.. honestly!!! :torture:
lets say nothing had been made official they arent engaged or anything and the second person has no idea about the first person
well in a perfect world, as soon no.2 asked her walli about her, the walli would have told him shes already agreed to get married to no.1, and seeing as no.2 is such a knowledgable bro he wouldnt ask for her hand,cos he`d know the hadith about how hes not allowed to ask if the first bro and the woman have agreed to marry, or he`d wait until one or other decided not to accept if a decision had not been reached. If her walli was a good muslim who cared about her interests he wouldnt tell her that no.2 had asked so as not to make any fitnah and she`d marry number one and never know about the first.. and theyd all live happliy ever after insha Allah :coolbro:
( if it was me my answer to no.2 would be sorry bruv ur too late because id already agreed to no.1 and a muslims word is good )
sunrise
17-03-07, 06:43 PM
not sure if its permissable to consider two people at the same time :(
men are like busses.
you get me!! defo
summer786
17-03-07, 06:52 PM
Which indicates limited intelligence.. another negative.
haha
I would go with the 2nd one...only thing is if you pursue it it might not materialise...then you'll probably kill me :spunch:
Why don't you see him, see if you guys click, and then decide. You're talking about the rest of your life here, a biiig decision, so you should be choosy and take your time.
the grass always seems greener on the other side
summer786
17-03-07, 07:03 PM
the grass always seems greener on the other side
But you'll only know for sure when you've tried it
ur_yusra
17-03-07, 07:27 PM
But you'll only know for sure when you've tried it
But how will you know if the grass is greener on the side you choose.. because you never chose the other option so you don't know how green the grass would have been on that side.. thus.. you have nothing to compare it too.
summer786
17-03-07, 07:59 PM
I meant not as in you marry him but go through the pre-marital process i.e. get to know what he's like etc then you're in a better position to make a decision
haha that rhymes :D i'm quite the poet
the grass always seems greener on the other side
hence manz should have morea than a field!!! this is a perfect scenario... the more the merrier i say!!! :coolbro:
urban_rose
17-03-07, 08:12 PM
hence manz should have morea than a field!!! this is a perfect scenario... the more the merrier i say!!! :coolbro:
:torture: type properly!
summer786
17-03-07, 08:15 PM
hence manz should have morea than a field!!! this is a perfect scenario... the more the merrier i say!!! :coolbro:
agreed *thumbs up*
u lot have sooo much to learn, none of u are cut out for marriage :rubeyes:
you didnt even ask which one has more money :smack:
LoL MMS what are u like!
back to the topic
i would listen 2 my conscience on this one.
summer786
17-03-07, 10:44 PM
u lot have sooo much to learn, none of u are cut out for marriage :rubeyes:
you didnt even ask which one has more money :smack:
:up: i like ur thinkin'.......
ibn suleman
17-03-07, 10:47 PM
what if a third one came along? :p
summer786
17-03-07, 11:13 PM
then she's a lucky sister
unless they're all losers....
perfectpearl
18-03-07, 01:15 AM
one of ur choices should of been ~stick with the better looking :D ~
hmmm but if u have agreed to marry someone and they are all geared up to marry u and ur both happy about it, then some one else comes along imagine how the first bro will feel, it will cause maybe some fitnah between him and his muslim brother.. he may feel that the 2nd bro and the woman betrayed him. To decide to pull out before the nikkah is one thing for whatever reason one may have, but to pull out because u want to marry someone else who came knocking before ur nikkah day Allahu alam ...
Al Qadr
18-03-07, 07:14 AM
but what if u choose the 2nd one, n then he finds some1 else, n then 1st dont wanna know :eek:
I don't know what I'd do, I'd ask my sis lolz, she knows whos better for me more than I do :outta:
one of ur choices should of been ~stick with the better looking :D ~
1) whether he/she is a good muslim...
2) whether he/she practice Islamic life...
3) whether he/she is praying regularly 5 time..
4) about quallification...
5) family back ground... :up:
Lambo5688
18-03-07, 08:02 AM
If the first knows that he is gettin married to (a) person and everything is agreed. I dont think I would hurt the first's feelings(especially if he knows about the second). If he isn't that relgious, maybe you can help him become religious which would get you so much reward.
But then again, marriage is long term, and the decision is ultimately your personal.
you know... the first guy might have put the second guy up to it... to see how loyal the girl is!
if she went for the second guy... then she might not have been a loyal wife :p
summer786
18-03-07, 11:06 AM
you know... the first guy might have put the second guy up to it... to see how loyal the girl is!
if she went for the second guy... then should might not have been a loyal wife :p
:rotfl:
Well if she had agreed and decided he was good for her, and it was decided by both parties and parents then she shouldn't be considering anyone else.
BUT if he was just a possibility and therefore nothing was set in stone or agreed to formally, then the second suitor would need to be considered.
She should pursue the second suitor in the same manner as she did with the first (istikharah, matching of traits and general observations of other things) making sure not to compare them, but judge them on their own individual merits.
Which is easier said than done, its hard not to compare.
So istikharah might help. There would be one she would gravitate towards, so Insh'Allah decide using the means available and place your trust in Allah (swt)
Niqaabi
18-03-07, 12:33 PM
Well id go for the first one because he is the person i was doing my isthikhara for and if my isthikhara inshaAllah was making me feel positive about him then i would go for it.
The second guy for all i know could just be a fake, and although looks more knowledgable, and has a longer beard etc he could end up having really bad traits and not treat sisters with respect and end up being a complete moron.
Also the 2nd one wouldnt have had the chance to propose because when they'd ask about me id make sure they know i was already considering someone else, and if they still proposed then it shows they are selfish and need to learn it is haraam to propose to a sister who is already involved with another brother so you dont create fitnah for them.
Anyways the first guys sounds nice and inshaAllah in time he will gain a lot of knowledge, and please like anyone can be better looking then him, plus looks fade i would prefer the character/personality of the first guy, and he seems to rock :up: "Go first guy!!!"
ghanamuslima
18-03-07, 01:45 PM
thats a difficult one but the first one cus of the istikhara etc and because the second one wouldnt have proposed if he knew abt the first one :smack:
yeah:up:
you shouldn't still be looking at others if you already made a decision about the first
(*_Hamzah
18-03-07, 02:12 PM
How does one reject in a gentle manner? :(
How does one reject in a gentle manner? :(
'its not you.... its me' line :up:
nothing better than a good ol marriage discussion :o
right so imagine somebody has proposed to you and u are happy with their character and have done istikhara and everything and u feel positive about it and nothing has been made official but both the guy and girl agree to the marriage
but thenn :eek: someone else proposes and this person is also nice, both are pious but this new one in terms of islamic knowledge is slightly stronger and is a tad bit better looking and is just overall very slightly better than the first person
changing ur mind will hurt the first person because they are all excited about marrying u
would u stick to the first person
or go for the better option
:scratch:well thats the beauty of arranged marrige. your parents can dumb him for you.
and you can pick anyone you like........mind you the arranged marrige has to be a informed one......like your parents telling you all the details of his her character. like do the h/w properly.
otherwise.....it doesnt matter which guys better or not, its not right to lead anyone astray.
the fact that youve done istikarah should tell you which one to stick with.....simple as
Niqaabi
18-03-07, 05:52 PM
'its not you.... its me' line :up:
"I love you im not just not in love with you" :p
"I love you im not just not in love with you" :p
lollllll or 'i see u as more of a brother/sister' loll
or 'your too nice for me, i dont deserve you' :o
urban_rose
18-03-07, 05:55 PM
In an Alan Sugar manner...point, then say 'You're rejected' :D
Niqaabi
18-03-07, 06:45 PM
lollllll or 'i see u as more of a brother/sister' loll
or 'your too nice for me, i dont deserve you' :o
"maybe in another place another time... we could be more... but for now lets just be brother/sisters"
"Im just not ready to commit"
or as a txt:
"AA. soz 4 l8 rply. i cnt mry u soz, we 2dif ppl dnt tnk itl wrk. l8rz" :rolleyes:
Al-Muhaajiroun
18-03-07, 06:50 PM
nothing better than a good ol marriage discussion :o
right so imagine somebody has proposed to you and u are happy with their character and have done istikhara and everything and u feel positive about it and nothing has been made official but both the guy and girl agree to the marriage
but thenn :eek: someone else proposes and this person is also nice, both are pious but this new one in terms of islamic knowledge is slightly stronger and is a tad bit better looking and is just overall very slightly better than the first person
changing ur mind will hurt the first person because they are all excited about marrying u
would u stick to the first person
or go for the better option
:scratch:
Salaam
Well If a Brother is dealing with a Sister then another brother is not allowed to come in between.
nothing better than a good ol marriage discussion :o
right so imagine somebody has proposed to you and u are happy with their character and have done istikhara and everything and u feel positive about it and nothing has been made official but both the guy and girl agree to the marriage
but thenn :eek: someone else proposes and this person is also nice, both are pious but this new one in terms of islamic knowledge is slightly stronger and is a tad bit better looking and is just overall very slightly better than the first person
changing ur mind will hurt the first person because they are all excited about marrying u
would u stick to the first person
or go for the better option
:scratch:
Welll first find one personn init LOOOOL
dont run before u can walk
Tic~Tac-Toe
02-09-07, 06:52 PM
obviouslt go for the better person, why settle for anything less :up:
Khadija222333
02-09-07, 06:55 PM
Welll first find one personn init LOOOOL
dont run before u can walk
It's almost impossible to find someone. :(
Abu Lahya
02-09-07, 09:50 PM
Welll first find one personn init LOOOOL
dont run before u can walk
Let MMS DREAM!!!!..
If Your A Brother Marry Both.
If Your Sister, And A Brother Proposes To You Whilst Your Already Proposed To, Then Theres Somthing Wrong Because Hes Not Allowed To Do That.
Personally I Would Stick To The First One. Because Looks Fade,You Can Seek Knoledge Together.
Learn And Grow With Each Other.
Mohammed S C
09-09-07, 05:54 PM
Go for the first one i'd say! Say to the 2nd brother that U've already been proposed to and if his as learned as U say he is,he can't feel hurt as he supposed to know that he can't propose to U while already proposed/without the permission of the first brother! Or say to him that depending on Ur acceptance or rejection of the first bro's proposal that he may propse then(if after further inspection into the first bro's backgroung U reject)!
Saeed Al-Muslim
09-09-07, 06:03 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum,
When I proposed to this girl, there was 5 proposals after mine. My proposal was better than all except the last one, she ended up marrying the better person, Alhamdulilah. He was an engineer, from a really good family.
Ma'aSalaama
Phoenix CG
09-09-07, 06:28 PM
messed up...
.: Anna :.
09-09-07, 06:36 PM
If you have made a promise to someone to marry them you are supposed to stick to it because of it being disliked to break a promise or break your word. These are signs of nifaaq. If you made ur istikhara and it was positive and u have agreed to marry, both by ur free will not forced. Then another comes and u disregard ur promise cos of what you think is "better" its quite shameful in a sense because u have given ur word. After marriage if u see someone "better" you wont just be able to dump ur husband to one side and run after the other one, so once u give ur word promising to marry u should try to get ur mind used to the idea of commitment, imo. But seriously i have seen advice from scholars telling that people should not just break engagements so lightly because it is a formal promise and this is something a muslim should keep
Treasured Soul
09-09-07, 07:43 PM
you know... the first guy might have put the second guy up to it... to see how loyal the girl is!
if she went for the second guy... then she might not have been a loyal wife :p
:rofl1:
I dunno to be honest! I mean, only the girl and boy have agreed ... what about the parents? Has the first guy asked her walli yet? If not, then hasnt the second guy beat him to it? :confused:
What haapens in a situation where a couple not yet divorced but seperated and the sister gets a proposal? :rubeyes:
.: Anna :.
09-09-07, 07:44 PM
:rofl1:
I dunno to be honest! I mean, only the girl and boy have agreed ... what about the parents? Has the first guy asked her walli yet? If not, then hasnt the second guy meet him to it? :confused:
What haapens in a situation where a couple not yet divorced but seperated and the sister gets a proposal? :rubeyes:
a sister cant accept proposal even during her iddah of divorce. if she is married she has to reject it..
Treasured Soul
09-09-07, 07:55 PM
a sister cant accept proposal even during her iddah of divorce. if she is married she has to reject it..
Thats what i was thinking ...
akaunknown
09-09-07, 08:03 PM
Better option:
the better option (if that is person two), why settle for anything less :up:
Abu Mus'ab
10-09-07, 09:44 AM
nothing better than a good ol marriage discussion :o
right so imagine somebody has proposed to you and u are happy with their character and have done istikhara and everything and u feel positive about it and nothing has been made official but both the guy and girl agree to the marriage
but thenn :eek: someone else proposes and this person is also nice, both are pious but this new one in terms of islamic knowledge is slightly stronger and is a tad bit better looking and is just overall very slightly better than the first person
changing ur mind will hurt the first person because they are all excited about marrying u
would u stick to the first person
or go for the better option
:scratch:
hmmmm i'd have to say stay with the first one, because she is considering him, if the second one didn't come along then she'd have gotten married to the first one so that means it's like an accepted proposal, and since it isn't permissable for another person to propose to someone that is already proposed to and getting married i'd say the first one is the right choice :scratch:
Abu Mus'ab
10-09-07, 09:54 AM
'its not you.... its me' line :up:
"I love you im not just not in love with you" :p
lollllll or 'i see u as more of a brother/sister' loll
or 'your too nice for me, i dont deserve you' :o
In an Alan Sugar manner...point, then say 'You're rejected' :D
"maybe in another place another time... we could be more... but for now lets just be brother/sisters"
"Im just not ready to commit"
or as a txt:
"AA. soz 4 l8 rply. i cnt mry u soz, we 2dif ppl dnt tnk itl wrk. l8rz" :rolleyes:
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rubeyes:
miqdadhasan
10-09-07, 10:23 AM
well if you can say no to the first one after saying you will marry him then go for the second.
idk... hope it dosent happen to me
well good luck to thoses in that position :up:
MusLim_4Lyf
10-09-07, 12:59 PM
Assalamualaikum..
This is a Hard Decision..and i would like to choose the second one because i would think about my future and think that if the "father" of my kids is religious so would my kids be...but, hurting someone..NAHH..not something i would do..not that i haven't done before, but i have learnt from my mistakes..
so yeahh..
and also it would depend who i know more...and who i am closer to and prefer being around..i wouldn't just choose a boy because he's "Good Looking"...that's just not mature..
Allah never put anyone in such a position
Veiled Salafiya
10-09-07, 06:48 PM
Assalaamu alaikum,
The second one has more knowledge in the deen? I say go with him. We're supposed to marry for piety before anything else right?
but the first one was interested first..
Since when do we girls decide who to marry based off who's interested in us? :P She should marry the one she's more interested in right? ;)
Phoenix CG
10-09-07, 06:56 PM
If someone said yes to me, then someone else asked for her and she was being choosy, I'd say screw this. If they can't keep a formal agreement then well forget em.
Saeed Al-Muslim
10-09-07, 07:07 PM
If someone said yes to me, then someone else asked for her and she was being choosy, I'd say screw this. If they can't keep a formal agreement then well forget em.
Likewise. Although from my understanding the second proposal isn't even allowed to begin with. One proposal at a time, if she wants to even think of the second one she would have to first finish/refuse the first one.
Ma'aSalaama
Abu Mus'ab
10-09-07, 07:12 PM
You know what they say "there's more fish in the sea" :rotfl:
ruthless
10-09-07, 07:14 PM
Good things come to those who cant wait ;)
dunya_or_akhira
11-09-07, 01:36 AM
if i said yes to the first and given my word then i would stick with it ..qadr Allah.... however if there was any room for change and my parents and family also agreed then i would go for the new option..
Khadija222333
11-09-07, 01:40 AM
I thought a person wasn't supposed to purpose to someone if someone had already proposed to them?
This might have already been said/asked-I didn't read the whole thread. :o
Z-Blade
11-09-07, 05:06 PM
I thought a person wasn't supposed to propose (:p) to someone if someone had already proposed to them?
This might have already been said/asked-I didn't read the whole thread. :o
Assalamu alaikum,
This is exactly the case and sister MMS has brought out a red herring situation LOOOol :rotfl: :rotfl: :up: :rotfl:. Though I guess it can happen with non-practicing families, but who cares about that?! :p
Wassalam.
~Jafrene~
11-09-07, 05:29 PM
nothing better than a good ol marriage discussion :o
right so imagine somebody has proposed to you and u are happy with their character and have done istikhara and everything and u feel positive about it and nothing has been made official but both the guy and girl agree to the marriage
but thenn :eek: someone else proposes and this person is also nice, both are pious but this new one in terms of islamic knowledge is slightly stronger and is a tad bit better looking and is just overall very slightly better than the first person
changing ur mind will hurt the first person because they are all excited about marrying u
would u stick to the first person
or go for the better option
:scratch:
lmao that was erli funny but i have a good answer for this.
id go for the other guy only because like u said his betterk knowledge in islam than the other guy and he's more nice luking, you'd rather go for smeone you like becuase at the end of the day its ur marriage, and also if u married the first guy ud always have at the bak of ur mind "oh my days he was so much better" although u may nt want ot think like that, it may happen so it may change three lives yours, the first guy and the second guy :up:. i know which id pick but i guess its up to u and ur family.
~Jafrene~
11-09-07, 05:32 PM
If you have made a promise to someone to marry them you are supposed to stick to it because of it being disliked to break a promise or break your word. These are signs of nifaaq. If you made ur istikhara and it was positive and u have agreed to marry, both by ur free will not forced. Then another comes and u disregard ur promise cos of what you think is "better" its quite shameful in a sense because u have given ur word. After marriage if u see someone "better" you wont just be able to dump ur husband to one side and run after the other one, so once u give ur word promising to marry u should try to get ur mind used to the idea of commitment, imo. But seriously i have seen advice from scholars telling that people should not just break engagements so lightly because it is a formal promise and this is something a muslim should keep
wow subhannAllah well said ur points better than myn :rubeyes::o
ruthless
11-09-07, 05:48 PM
Why dont Person A (the first guy) propose to other heads, that way he has fall back options if he gets dissed @)
Z-Blade
11-09-07, 06:13 PM
I thought a person wasn't supposed to purpose to someone if someone had already proposed to them?
This might have already been said/asked-I didn't read the whole thread. :o
Looks like it's only discouraged :eek::
Proposing to more than one woman
Answered by Shaykh Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf Mangera
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/Q_Image.jpgQuestions about the Islamic etiquettes when a man sends a marriage proposal to a girl: Is he allowed to send proposals to many girls at the same time? If the marriage proposal has been accepted by one girl and discussions between families are proceeding, is it allowed for him and hi s family to proceed with a proposal and a marriage with another girl without telling the first girl?
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/A_Image.jpg
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/bism01.jpg
Assalamu alaykum
In the name of Allah the Inspirer of truth.
One should proceed carefully in this regard. It is not permissible to cause undue grief to another Muslim. Therefore, proposals should be made carefully.
Although it cannot be considered impermissible to propose to more than one girl at one time, however, since it could lead to many hurt feelings in the family and community, it would be discouraged.
In the case that a person has already proposed to one and discussions are on, thereafter another good opportunity come up, it would be permissible to make a second proposal as well. However, it would be a good idea to let the first know that there is a another proposal.
Experience shows that the best course to follow when proposing to someone is to find out as much as possible about the person before actually proposing. This way there are less chances of rejections and broken hearts.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalam
Abdurrahman Ibn Yusuf
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=589&CATE=10
Saeed Al-Muslim
11-09-07, 06:20 PM
Looks like it's only discouraged :eek::This seems to be the the case for men, whereas for women it is entirely different matter.
Ma'aSalaama
Z-Blade
11-09-07, 06:24 PM
This seems to be the the case for men, whereas for women it is entirely different matter.
Ma'aSalaama
I see, as I thought :D, :jkk:. Can you also please give me the evidence for this?
Wassalam.
Looks like it's only discouraged :eek::
Proposing to more than one woman
Answered by Shaykh Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf Mangera
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/Q_Image.jpgQuestions about the Islamic etiquettes when a man sends a marriage proposal to a girl: Is he allowed to send proposals to many girls at the same time? If the marriage proposal has been accepted by one girl and discussions between families are proceeding, is it allowed for him and hi s family to proceed with a proposal and a marriage with another girl without telling the first girl?
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/A_Image.jpg
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/bism01.jpg
Assalamu alaykum
In the name of Allah the Inspirer of truth.
One should proceed carefully in this regard. It is not permissible to cause undue grief to another Muslim. Therefore, proposals should be made carefully.
Although it cannot be considered impermissible to propose to more than one girl at one time, however, since it could lead to many hurt feelings in the family and community, it would be discouraged.
In the case that a person has already proposed to one and discussions are on, thereafter another good opportunity come up, it would be permissible to make a second proposal as well. However, it would be a good idea to let the first know that there is a another proposal.
Experience shows that the best course to follow when proposing to someone is to find out as much as possible about the person before actually proposing. This way there are less chances of rejections and broken hearts.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalam
Abdurrahman Ibn Yusuf
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=589&CATE=10
where is the daleel :lailah: there is a sahih hadith clearly covering this issue subhanAllah it is haram forbidden subhanallah to ask a woman in marriage when a brother has already proposed. sahih al bukhari narrated by ibn umar radiAllahu anh
The Prophet (salAllahu alleyhi wa salam) decreed that one cannot cancel an agreement already agreed upon between some other persons (by offering a bigger price). And a man cannot ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, unless the first suitor gives her up, or allows him to ask for her hand. ( ie: the first suitor decides not to marry her )
Abu Mus'ab
11-09-07, 06:37 PM
I see, as I thought :D, :jkk:. Can you also please give me the evidence for this?
Wassalam.
You're lucky he came along and corrected you before other people started thinking women can get multiple proposals :smack:
Narrated by Uqbah ibn Amir Radhiallahu Anhu
Allah's Messenger (peace_be_upon_him) said: A believer is the brother of a believer, so it is not lawful for a believer to outbid his brother, and he should not propose an engagement when his brother has thus proposed until he gives up.
Sahih Muslim
Abu Mus'ab
11-09-07, 06:39 PM
where is the daleel :smack: :torture: :lailah: there is a sahih hadith clearly covering this issue subhanAllah it is haram forbidden subhanallah to ask a woman in marriage when a brother has already proposed. sahih al bukhari narrated by ibn umar radiAllahu anh
The Prophet (salAllahu alleyhi wa salam) decreed that one cannot cancel an agreement already agreed upon between some other persons (by offering a bigger price). And a man cannot ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, unless the first suitor gives her up, or allows him to ask for her hand.
The question asked was "Proposing to more than one woman" hence his answer, z blade is the one to blame here :torture:
The question asked was "Proposing to more than one woman" hence his answer, z blade is the one to blame here :torture:
thank u subhanAllah talk about confusing the issue eh subhanAllah jus to be clear now this topic ran into 6 pages..that fatwa has been issued about a man who wishes to ask more than one woman in marriage. it doesnt apply the other way round cos a man can marry 4 women but a woman can marry only one man, so no sister having talked to a brother about marriage can accept any talks or proposals at all untill she tells the first man a clear no .
u cant start pitting them against each other, and checking out whoose best first come first served if u reject number one, then base it on him not being suitable, and not based on the whim that the grass maybe greener on the other side.
Z-Blade
11-09-07, 09:36 PM
You're lucky he came along and corrected you before other people started thinking women can get multiple proposals :smack:
LOL, not at all, since the question I posted was "Can you propose to more than one woman" :') :coolbro:.
Proposing to more than one woman
:p
Narrated by Uqbah ibn Amir Radhiallahu Anhu
Allah's Messenger (peace_be_upon_him) said: A believer is the brother of a believer, so it is not lawful for a believer to outbid his brother, and he should not propose an engagement when his brother has thus proposed until he gives up.
Sahih Muslim
:jkk:, yeah I've read that hadith before though I couldn't exactly recall it and was thinking how is it possible for women to have more than one proposal, and got confused with that answer by the scholar but if people would read properly it says it's for men :p. And I agreed with the bro after so I don't know why sister asiya went a bit nuts on the scholar :eek: :p. My advice to people on the forums is to read the whole post and not to just jump the gun due to a mistaken first line (by me sorry :o), as brother Saeed seems to have done.
All the confusion is MMS's fault :torture::D.
You see this is why they should let people edit their posts without a limited time :rolleyes:
Wassalam.
i didnt go nuts at the scolar, i didnt go nuts, man u havent seen anything if u think thats me going nuts ...
thing is and my point was, u all confusing the issue khadija3333 asked for the daleel in regard to the question which is about women getting two proposals from two different men , then u bring a fatawa about men asking two different women, and this whole thread is just confusing now, and still women are going " oh duhhh maybe i`ll check em both out and choose which one i like best " and now theyre gonna read that maybe not realise what the question actually is and who it applies too, and throw it in the mix too. :lailah:
Z-Blade
11-09-07, 10:26 PM
i didnt go nuts at the scolar, i didnt go nuts, man u havent seen anything if u think thats me going nuts ...
thing is and my point was, u all confusing the issue khadija3333 asked for the daleel in regard to the question which is about women getting two proposals from two different men , then u bring a fatawa about men asking two different women, and this whole thread is just confusing now, and still women are going " oh duhhh maybe i`ll check em both out and choose which one i like best " and now theyre gonna read that maybe not realise what the question actually is and who it applies too, and throw it in the mix too. :lailah:
Assalamu alaikum ukhti,
I apologise if you took offence, I was not entirely serious :o (I was joking with the "going nuts" thing :p). And you're right, sister MMS did a mistake with this thread :(. But we all make mistakes, may Allah forgive us all. AMEEN!.
I've also notified the mods to edit my post... but seems like they're all sleeping or can't be bothered :S.
Wassalam.
Assalamu alaikum ukhti,
I apologise if you took offence, I was not entirely serious :o (I was joking with the "going nuts" thing :p). And you're right, sister MMS did a mistake with this thread :(. But we all make mistakes, may Allah forgive us all. AMEEN!.
I've also notified the mods to edit my post... but seems like they're all sleeping or can't be bothered :S.
Wassalam.
wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh, my apologies i wasnt taking offence i have a rather dry sense of humour, im sorry if it came across like that . i was just trying to clarify about the different points and who they apply too. :jkk:
Z-Blade
11-09-07, 11:14 PM
wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh, my apologies i wasnt taking offence i have a rather dry sense of humour, im sorry if it came across like that . i was just trying to clarify about the different points and who they apply too. :jkk:
:wswrwb:,
As long as there are no hard feelings I'm happy :).
Wassalam.
Phoenix CG
11-09-07, 11:32 PM
that fatwa isn't in regards to this issue. This matter is slightly different, when there is a formal agreement between two parties and a third party, the male, should not make an attempt to propose to the female whilst there is already a formal agreement in place with the first male.
This whole question puts me off muslims in general now, theres no etiquette in anything nowadays. Neither is there any shame.
Abu Mus'ab
11-09-07, 11:38 PM
that fatwa isn't in regards to this issue. This matter is slightly different, when there is a formal agreement between two parties and a third party, the male, should not make an attempt to propose to the female whilst there is already a formal agreement in place with the first male.
This whole question puts me off muslims in general now, theres no etiquette in anything nowadays. Neither is there any shame.
Don't be disheartened, what was meant to happen will indeed happen, so if it wasn't in your qadr to get married to so and so then no ,atter what you'll never be able to marry that person, Allah alone knows best why things happen the way they do, it might be for our betterment though we don't realise it.
dunya_or_akhira
11-09-07, 11:38 PM
first get into that situation and experience it...then i wonder how we would all react..one thing is to say it on a forum but in reality i wonder what would happen
Phoenix CG
11-09-07, 11:42 PM
Don't be disheartened, what was meant to happen will indeed happen, so if it wasn't in your qadr to get married to so and so then no ,atter what you'll never be able to marry that person, Allah alone knows best why things happen the way they do, it might be for our betterment though we don't realise it.
nothings happened to me :p im saying reading from this its disgusting, alhamdullilah i wont marry someone like that inshaAllah.
Z-Blade
12-09-07, 01:17 AM
that fatwa isn't in regards to this issue. This matter is slightly different, when there is a formal agreement between two parties and a third party, the male, should not make an attempt to propose to the female whilst there is already a formal agreement in place with the first male.
This whole question puts me off muslims in general now, theres no etiquette in anything nowadays. Neither is there any shame.
Assalamu alaikum akhi,
This is true that's why I was shocked by the question posed in the beginning, and naturally, it was against Islam :o.
Wassalam.
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