How imporant is money to a marriage...?

[Nous Nous]

How important is money in the beginning of a marrige...? would sister marry brother still living at home with parents and studying at the same time..? how much would you ask for your dowry...? is a big wedding necessary...?

[Kubs]

I think money is important to a certain extent. If the guy is able to afford a decent home with some money put aside and at the same time able to provide for his family…then that’s fine. He doesn’t have to be rich.

Money is important but I don’t think it should be a factor in choosing a spouse. If he’s studying in University then surely once he qualifies he will get himself a decent job.

Dowry? I’m Turkish and as far as I know we don’t ask for money. The guy’s family obviously has to help out with marriage expenses but apart from that no money is given to parents. I could be wrong though…

Not a massive wedding, but one that is enjoyable and will stay in memories for a long time.

[Masumah]

even islamically the man shud beable to provide for his wife..no one is asking for extravagance but a simple roof on the hed, clothes on her back, sufficient food and Alhamdulillah :)

[bint]

okay i chose very important..cos ineed to do some shopping to keep sane :p

[Masumah]

How important is money in the beginning of a marrige...? would sister marry brother still living at home with parents and studying at the same time..? how much would you ask for your dowry...? is a big wedding necessary...?

ok now ill answer ur ques :p

money as i sed shud be enuff to provide for her so marriage life can comfortably be spent no need for luxuries.

i dont see no probs if he is studying so long as he can take care of her and if his parents helping him out from the goodness of der hearts then dats a bonus :up:

i wud personally ave asked for cuple of hundred this may seem alot but i know my fiance can afford this however most likely my dad will be sorting out my mahr and i think he sed smthing like 50-100 quid..but thats ok.

as for big wedding well if ur parents are doing it den its a mater fo der honour :smack: so yeh for dem it is :o

[Peacenik]

Bint, I think we all know you've got a split personality.

:)

[bint]

do finish ure sentance off..peacenik? whats the matter fingers cant move? :D

[MMS]

more important than the husband :eek:

[Nous Nous]

You are jokkas......! You should know that prophet(saw) left nothing behind to his wifes... people these days have rizqaphobia...........!

[Peacenik]

do finish ure sentance off..peacenik? whats the matter fingers cant move? :D

Bint, at least you know exactly what I mean when I say that.

:)

[bint]

Bint, at least you know exactly what I mean when I say that.

:)
do i? beats me:rubeyes:

[Peacenik]

Never mind, Bint....

(lol)

[bint]

too chicken to say anything? Hah!

[Quest]

Asalama alaykum

Brothers and sisters....

Nice thread, with that said, remember dear family that
Allah can fill an empty house and empty a full house. (this saying sounds better in somali)

having said that...

I wont speak for everyone, but i know so long as i am spiritually and mentally happy, money doesnt matter. this is not to say i am being un realistic one does need the basic necessities to survive, so i am not referring to this. as long as one has food on the table and clothes on their back u are rich.

so when i say money doesnt matter i am referring 2 type of money which will get me what i want. the type of money that will get u what u need does matter. notice the difference.

If a brother can make a sister mentally rich in that he is able to be a good companion stimulate her mentally, and he supports her spiritually in that he is able 2 influence her to achieve her ambitions to become a ghareeb. this type of brother should be welcomed for they are rare to find nowadays. income doesnt matter so long as u have what suffices ya muslimeen. marriage is an investment in the akira. and hardship is an adventure appreciated once u reach the end of the line.

if an akii is at skool still, and he is able 2 support his wife with the basic neccessities, his wife should encourage him 2 succeed, and not be a burden upon him by constantly demanding that type of money he doesnt have which will get her what she wants.

behind every great man is a great woman. when people enter a marriage contract they should realise its thru good times and bad.

if financial problems do occur in the marriage, remember to enjoy the things that u do have, for worry doesnt correct mistakes, nor does sorrow bring back what is lost.

Inregards to living with inlaws. it wouldnt be ideal, and personaly i wouldnt want to, but if i needed to, i would ride it out.
my dislike for living with inlaws has nothing 2 do with the cliches of not getting along with them, but more of a personal choice, i value privacy, and would like my own place, for i shared a home for years being a mini mother to siblings and what not, its a blessing yes, but married life is abt tranquility a new life to, it is a time whereby the sister gets to venture out into a whole new experience, not a spin off from her own family, and living with in laws is just that a spin of from ur own family life.

it has its goods and bads, non the less like i said it isnt ideal but if it just so happens that a young couple have no other choice, i am a believer in making the best of everything.
and being patient, for sabr is the characteristic of the dignified ones.

as for dowry, i have no idea, i did want a rare kind of horse once but u know *rolls eyes*

till the next episode peace

[أبوقحطان]

Asslam Alikum brothers and sisters,

there was a woman who i think was the best woman at her time when she got married and i believe that she is much much better than all the sisters in this forum and the all the women around the world now and at her time as well and when she got married her dowry was just shield plate which i think today it will cost around five british pounds and that woman was FATIMA THE DAUGHTER OF MOHAMED (salawat allah a'alih wa salam) and i think all the sisters who think they are better than THE DAUGHTER OF THE PROPHET then you can say whatever you want because your words will not be accounted because you are not sane. i advise all the brothers and sisters to follow the best of guidance and follow the prophet and the companions and do not say that just by your mouth be very serious about it.

Asslam alikum

Abu qahtan

[Peacenik]

too chicken to say anything? Hah!

What a childish response.

:rolleyes:

[Nous Nous]

Barakallah fik for your reply quest... That’s what I was getting at; the necessities like food and shelter till he finishes his studies; I did not mean any money what so ever…

[bint]

What a childish response.

:rolleyes:


:rotfl:

[Peacenik]

Lol !

See what I mean ?

;)

[Quest]

Barakallah fik for your reply quest... That’s what I was getting at; the necessities like food and shelter till he finishes his studies; I did not mean any money what so ever…

Allah ya barikfeek i gathered as much.

Asslam Alikum brothers and sisters,

Abu qahtan

w.salam nice kunya.

[heaven2002]

Asslam Alikum brothers and sisters,

there was a woman who i think was the best woman at her time when she got married and i believe that she is much much better than all the sisters in this forum and the all the women around the world now and at her time as well and when she got married her dowry was just shield plate which i think today it will cost around five british pounds and that woman was FATIMA THE DAUGHTER OF MOHAMED (salawat allah a'alih wa salam) and i think all the sisters who think they are better than THE DAUGHTER OF THE PROPHET then you can say whatever you want because your words will not be accounted because you are not sane. i advise all the brothers and sisters to follow the best of guidance and follow the prophet and the companions and do not say that just by your mouth be very serious about it.

Asslam alikum

Abu qahtan


actually the mehr of Fatima (r.a) was more than five pounds it was about 35o pounds, as Ali (r.a) was given gifts from sahabiya for the mehr, like sword, shiled, jacket - i will try to find exact reference inshallah

[.: Anna :.]

How important is money in the beginning of a marrige...? would sister marry brother still living at home with parents and studying at the same time..? how much would you ask for your dowry...? is a big wedding necessary...?

Money is not totally irrelevant but then again its not a huge deal. Just because you marry in a poor financial state because of studying or whatever it does not mean Allah would not provide u with plentiful rizq later, we have to have tawakkul and not worry about it excessively. On the other hand, I think the brother has to show himself to be capable and willing to get a job and provide. If you see he has this potential, yet in the current time he is still studying and not working full time I dont think this is a reason to delay the wedding or call it off.

Regarding my own situation, I married in first year of uni and neither me or hubby were working full time cos of course we are studying. So we did move in with inlaws (We are still with them actually, still studying :p) but hubby works full time in the holidays and now even part time in term time aswell, and this is in a very decent well paid job masha Allah. I see that he is extremely hardworking and dedicated and loved by his work ppl masha allah so it is not an issue that he is not working full time now and has not been for the two years that we have been married, looking to the long term he has got the capability to provide for his family in a good manner insha allah. In such situations all you require is a bit of Sabr. I feel actually it is good for me because if you immediately get a big house together and plentiful money then you may become very accustomed to that so sharing a house for a while will make you appreciate more once you get ur own, rather than taking it for granted in anyway. Of course if people can afford straight away it is alright but they have to remember to remain grateful to Allah swt for that rizq and that barakah because they are very fortunate in that.

As for dowry I feel thats a personal matter, whatever the girl wants to ask. She should be considerate of what he can afford, but if he can afford a few thousand and she wants to ask it, there is no shame in that. If she wants to ask something small again there is no shame in it. I don't like when we see sometimes people become judgemental about the dowry amounts.

Big weddings... I feel too much extravagance is a waste, especially when couples and families are becoming into debt as a result of this they seriously need to reconsider priorities. Often it is done to "show off", which is a bit sad. You can have a large wedding and a nice wedding without wasting too much money, just plan it carefully. Small weddings are also cool but sometimes you need to call and invite many people else they get offended so there is no harm in doing that, for keeping ties and feeding people. Its the gimicky things which can be a money waste, which are not needed and just for show. Just get a nice hall, nice dress, nice food... but if you can not afford a certain level of whatever, be happy and grateful for what you can afford and keep within your limits.

And remember that the character and person himself is so much more important than the bank balance. Allah swt gave the money and possessions and can take it away again without giving us any notice. So we have to force our nafs not to become so attached to it, although its difficult to achieve (I didnt achieve it myself :S :( )

[Chained_Water]

Wealth is from Allah(swt).. what is important is the amount of hard work and effort someone puts in, how much they care for their family and how hard they try to provide for them, how seriously they take their responsibility, how ambitious they are, if they can take use their own initiative.

[Quest]

Anna You epitomise maturity may ALLAH bless your marriage

[Medievalist]

ask the mrs **roll eyes**

alhamdulillah not very :D

[.: Anna :.]

aww thanks sis, ameen. luv ya fillah hun :inlove:

[tru muslimah]

dunno :rubeyes:

[perfectpearl]

I think he should have some income

how are we suppose to live without an income. Even if his poor and he gets loans thats some income.

Although i would want to marry someone rich but if theres the one right for me thats not soo rich (but handsome ..LOL.. just kidding :D ) and is suitable for me i dont think ill mind.

HE just has to be able to take care of me. his income has to be enough for 2. Which is some income.

[junaidb]

my respected elders, brothers sisters and lil ones

:salams

i dont think money matters at all.....its your tawakul in Allah Ta'ala that matters.
what im saying is how can u place ur dependance on ur spouse????????????????:torture:

dont u think we should place firm tawakul in Allah that he has provided our Rizq.... i mean He is the Sustainer of the entire universe.....even the animals and kuffaar get their rozi.....why wud he leave his believers out....seems to me like we have began looking out of the scope of Islam wen it comes to these little things.....

we should strive for spouses with Taqwa, dat way u know their depend on Allah for the dunyaari stuff.....not mere mortal beings....

May Allah guide us all and grant us Jannat ul firdous....ameen

May We all depend firmly in Allah.....

remember the Ayah Iyyaka Nadubu wa iyyaka Nastaeen....thee alone do we worship n THEE ALONE DO WE ASK FOR HELP.

May Allah keep on us all firmly on siraatalmustaqeem....ameen

[ammarcool]

he must have some income
doesnt matter


anyway he must have some income but it doesnt matter!

Good Niyyat is important!

[Refugee]

According to Islam the importance of money in marriage is next to nothing but in reality its the most important thing in marriage, i have seen 60 years old guys getting married to a 16 yrs old girls just because they are rich ..... some girls love money way too much

[ur_yusra]

Its funny how most of the brothers have voted for 'it doesnt matter'..

Technically it does matter because you are the provider of your wife.. I mean when you marry her you have to have a place where both of you can live? Sahih? Unless of course you do the traditional asian thing and move her in with your parents..

If the brother is studying then that is an exceptional excuse and like CW and Anna said providing he is still aware of his responsibilities.. is hardworking.. and will not become reliant on his parents in the long term.. then such a brother with all the other qualitites concerning piety is definately worth marrying.

[ibn suleman]

money in itself is not so important..the attitude one has to money is far more important..

the amount of money that matters is that which is enough to provide food, clothing and shelter...


and since its multiple choice- i voted for all the options :D

[Refugee]

money in itself is not so important..the attitude one has to money is far more important..

the amount of money that matters is that which is enough to provide food, clothing and shelter...


and since its multiple choice- i voted for all the options :D

you should be a polictician

[junaidb]

Its funny how most of the brothers have voted for 'it doesnt matter'..

Technically it does matter because you are the provider of your wife.. I mean when you marry her you have to have a place where both of you can live? Sahih? Unless of course you do the traditional asian thing and move her in with your parents..

If the brother is studying then that is an exceptional excuse and like CW and Anna said providing he is still aware of his responsibilities.. is hardworking.. and will not become reliant on his parents in the long term.. then such a brother with all the other qualitites concerning piety is definately worth marrying.


i disagree with ur statement sis......if u read my above post u will probably see y....
however...if u use the technicality of the hubby being the provider u are right to an extent from a womens point of view.
from a mans and Islamic point i would see Allah as the provider of all beings.....and if ur level of Taqwa is to that extent then everything just falls in place....be it food, clothing, shelter, transport.....its tuelly amazing wot Allah does for his friends......



:coolbro:

[ur_yusra]

i disagree with ur statement sis......if u read my above post u will probably see y....
however...if u use the technicality of the hubby being the provider u are right to an extent from a womens point of view.
from a mans and Islamic point i would see Allah as the provider of all beings.....and if ur level of Taqwa is to that extent then everything just falls in place....be it food, clothing, shelter, transport.....its tuelly amazing wot Allah does for his friends......



:coolbro:

.. you first tie your camel.. then you leave the rest to Allah (SWT)..

I would not marry a lazy bum in the thought that rizq comes from Allah (SWT)..

And you are right.. of course.. Allah (SWT) is Ar-Razzaq, the provider for all human beings.. :)

[ibn suleman]

you should be a polictician

:0: ...why u say that?
each choice can be justified


.. you first tie your camel.. then you leave the rest to Allah (SWT)..

I would not marry a lazy bum in the thought that rizq comes from Allah (SWT)..

And you are right.. of course.. Allah (SWT) is the provider for all human beings.. :)

:up:

[Kal-El]

Most who voted "doesn't matter" are too sentimental. You need money to firstly live on your own, to support yourself - so obviously you'll need even more to support your wife and possible children following.

You don't need a £40,000 salary to make it work, you can make it work on a graduate's salary but even then you will need to be very careful on what you spend and need help from your family sometimes.

Money is needed in anything in life, more so in marriage - it's an old clichy but it is one of the truest things you'll all come to know one day.

It's not the most important thing in a relationship, but it is defiantely thing you'd rather have than not to maintain a humble relationship.

[junaidb]

.. you first tie your camel.. then you leave the rest to Allah (SWT)..

I would not marry a lazy bum in the thought that rizq comes from Allah (SWT)..

And you are right.. of course.. Allah (SWT) is Ar-Razzaq, the provider for all human beings.. :)


no no dont get me wrong sis...he must obviously have a trade or job.....im not getting the right word.....
but still we should look for Taqwa and the rest will fall in place.....that i promise you by Allah....

:coolbro:

[Nazias]

There is no need for a big wedding, stick to the sunnah and have something modest. In reagrds to money, ass long as you have enough money to put food on the table and pay the bills then Alhumdulillah! :)

[Kubs]

Money isn't what makes a good marriage but according to divorce rates, it is certainly a big factor in making a bad one. Money is usually the number one cause of arguments amongst couples! The husband might want to save money while the wife prefers to spend it. :rolleyes:

Tbh, your attitude to money is more important than how much you have. The important of ANY successful marriage is the ability to handle money together. If you are planning to have a MASSIVE wedding which is probably more than you could afford, then you should be prepared to pay your debts! Or you might choose to have a normal wedding and save most of the money for the future. Think long term, would you rather have a vacation every year or a newer car? Would you rather have a larger house, or more disposable income? Would you rather have a massive wedding but cut down on most things after marriage in order to pay your debts? :up:

[junaidb]

Money isn't what makes a good marriage but according to divorce rates, it is certainly a big factor in making a bad one. Money is usually the number one cause of arguments amongst couples! The husband might want to save money while the wife prefers to spend it. :rolleyes:

Tbh, your attitude to money is more important than how much you have. The important of ANY successful marriage is the ability to handle money together. If you are planning to have a MASSIVE wedding which is probably more than you could afford, then you should be prepared to pay your debts! Or you might choose to have a normal wedding and save most of the money for the future. Think long term, would you rather have a vacation every year or a newer car? Would you rather have a larger house, or more disposable income? Would you rather have a massive wedding but cut down on most things after marriage in order to pay your debts? :up:

very good point......:up:

but i still think that a good marriage has no dependability on money......just my opinion.

[Zaid the Great]

more important than the husband :eek:

LOL

[cl@rity]

Sumimes ppl say aslong as the two of us are together, it dusnt matter even if we are pennyless. But i believe as one gets more mature, theybegin to realise that a decent amount of money [depending on ones interpretation of 'decent'], is a must. Aslong as the couple can live a comfortable life and provide comfortably for their children, its all good. Whts not all good is the husband goes on jamaat weeks and months on end, leaving his family behind with the excuse that Allah swt will provide the rizq. Allah defintly will, bt that is not the correct attitude. Money dus matter, bt too much is no better than too less.

[Kal-El]

/\/\ People just need to look at your avatar to know your opinion on this :rolleyes:

Lol joke

[cl@rity]

/\/\ People just need to look at your avatar to know your opinion on this :rolleyes:


Lol joke

now now dont be judging a book by its cover. :coolbro:

[ghanamuslima]

a brother should not be looking for a wife if he has no means of supporting her

[ur_yusra]

a brother should not be looking for a wife if he has no means of supporting her

I don't know.. I mean in the time of the Prophet (SAW) a man who did not even have any materialistic means to give dowry was married to a woman.. with the permission of The Messenger (SAW)..

Fitnah is worse then poverty, heck fitnah is worse than murder..

If brothers who wish to get married don't have the means.. and cannot be patient then they should get married anyway.. but of course strive to attain the means to support his wife at the same time.

[Eemaan]

Yus, look at the calibre of men you had back then lass
And look at the calibre of women you get today

We live in a highly commercialised and materialistic society and if you are acclimatised to spending money frivolously then yah money is going to be an issue.

Also you need to look at how this poor husband is spending the money he does have and his attitude to it:

Is he a lazy bum?
Is he spending it on fags and eating out?
Is he spending it on his parents and home?
Is he still giving in charity despite being what you term poor (this is the kind of poor guy you need to marry)

And the term ‘poor’ or having ‘no money’ is relative. To some folk that might be ‘hey all is good we have food’ and to others it might be :crying2: ‘barbaad ho gae’ :(

And Quest is so right “Allah can fill an empty house and empty a full house”

My parents came from nothing in terms on money. I remember how poor we were and how my parents could afford to send me on school trips at primary school and I was still like :D cos I loved them so much and their love and happiness meant more to me.

So yeah quest :up: atta girl

[peace2u]

Asslam Alikum brothers and sisters,

there was a woman who i think was the best woman at her time when she got married and i believe that she is much much better than all the sisters in this forum and the all the women around the world now and at her time as well and when she got married her dowry was just shield plate which i think today it will cost around five british pounds and that woman was FATIMA THE DAUGHTER OF MOHAMED (salawat allah a'alih wa salam) and i think all the sisters who think they are better than THE DAUGHTER OF THE PROPHET then you can say whatever you want because your words will not be accounted because you are not sane. i advise all the brothers and sisters to follow the best of guidance and follow the prophet and the companions and do not say that just by your mouth be very serious about it.

Asslam alikum

Abu qahtan

Do not compare us to great women if you do not want us to compare you to great men.:rolleyes: Of course there is much more to marriage than money. But let's face it, men are required to be the maintainers and supporters of women and you can't do that without having money.

Peace

[LiveIslam]

even islamically the man shud beable to provide for his wife..no one is asking for extravagance but a simple roof on the hed, clothes on her back, sufficient food and Alhamdulillah :)
i totally agree with u sis as long as he can support u and wen u have kids:up:

[umm_yusuf]

Fitnah is worse then poverty, heck fitnah is worse than murder..

I agree with this statement but only to a certain degree. You have to understand ukhti that poverty is not easy. This is why Umar al Kattab (Raddiyallahu anhu) used to say that poverty can lead to kufr and the Rassul (sallahu 'alaihi wa Salaam) used to make du'a and say "Allahumma inni audhu bika minal KUFR wal FAQR..." meaning Oh Allah save me from disbelief and poverty... The ulema have commented that the reason why he associated these two things is because poverty can lead to kufr. Poverty in itself is a great fintah.

If brothers who wish to get married don't have the means.. and cannot be patient then they should get married anyway.. but of course strive to attain the means to support his wife at the same time.

This is not in accordance to the hadeeth although I can appreciate your point. The Rassul (sallahu 'alaihi wa Salaam) said in a longer hadeeth that he who DOES NOT have the means to get should fast as this diminishes the desire. The scholars have mentioned that the means mentioned by the Rassul (sallahu 'alaihi wa Salaam) is the basic things (food, shelter and clothing).

Aishah (Raddiyallahi anha) commented on this hadeeth and said that the means mentioned here is being of sound mind and able and her evidence for this is the fact that the Rassul (Sallahu 'alaihi wa Salaam) allowed a man to marry the woman who presented herself to him (sallahu 'alaihi wa Salaam) even though he didn't seem to have means to even give her a dowry. However, this is the weaker opinion.

Money is not of great importance to me, however, we have to be realistic. I am looking to make hijrah as soon as possible Insha Allah and this isn't the days of old were all you needed to move to a muslim land is your shahada. Now, they require that you are able to bring some sort of qualification to their countries in order for you to be given residence status. Also if my husband and I looking to move, then he should be able to save enough money to make hijrah with and to make the transition as easy as possible.

I don't require my husband to be loaded or rich even, he should just have a means to gain enough money so that we can be able to save in order to move. I don't want to wake up 10 years down the line and I am still in this country talking about making hijrah.

The Rassul (sallahu 'alaihi wa Salaam) said a believer has farasa (insight). We have to look to tomorrow and means to get there Insha Allah. May Allah make all our paths easy.

[Al-Muhaajiroun]

I think money is important to a certain extent. If the guy is able to afford a decent home with some money put aside and at the same time able to provide for his family…then that’s fine. He doesn’t have to be rich.

Money is important but I don’t think it should be a factor in choosing a spouse. If he’s studying in University then surely once he qualifies he will get himself a decent job.

Dowry? I’m Turkish and as far as I know we don’t ask for money. The guy’s family obviously has to help out with marriage expenses but apart from that no money is given to parents. I could be wrong though…

Not a massive wedding, but one that is enjoyable and will stay in memories for a long time.
Salaam, when you say "afford a decent home" does that mean buying a home? or renting a home? because the way things are in the UK alot of people cannot buy a house outright, so to be on the property ladder as they say you would have to get a mortgage and that itself is harram.

Sister, turkish or no turkish, dowry must be paid to a reasonable amount and nothink silly, as ALLAH swt says in the Qur'an "pay them there dowry" <I'm only paraphrasing so don't quote me on this Insha ALLAH. No dowry money is to be given to the brides family but only to the bride herself.

WaSalaam.

[ABDELTAWWAB]

Dowry? I’m Turkish and as far as I know we don’t ask for money . The guy’s family obviously has to help out with marriage expenses but apart from that no money is given to parents. I could be wrong though…




Dowry? I’m Turkish and as far as I know we don’t ask for money .
ASTAGHFIRALLAAH RABBIL ALAMEEN that Turkish Muslimaat Women do not ask for Mahr. The Mahr is Fard in Islaam ALHAMDULILLAHI RABBIL 'ALAMEEN wa ma'shaa'ALLAH.

As Salaamu wa Alaykom wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh Ukhtee Kubra

Al-Hilali/Khan English Translation Interpretation of the Meaning of Surah An-Nisaa 4 Ayah 4
4. And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as ALLAH has made it lawful).

[bint]

wheres theres money...theres bint :D

[amal19]

money's importance in marriage = 100% = happiness.

[Raziel]

We (Men) aught to have sufficient money to at least support the other half before we decide to marry...:)

:jkk:

[peace2u]

I'm sure we can all agree to that!


Peace

[ummbilal]

Money is not that important but the husband should be able to provide, nd strive to provide for his family, as long as he is trying how can a wife question the income?

[Supernova Nebula]

to be realistic, it's important, but not excessively important.

[`asiya]

he has to be able to provide what Allah ta ala has made him responsible for, after all marriage is about having a family and within 9 months u could have another member of the family arriving insha Allah, and how are u going to look after that baby if ur both in student accomodation, and can barley afford to eat properly because your paying for expensive courses, that often last right into ur late 20`s ( phd masters etc) now i realise thats its not terribly fashionable amongst some young muslims today to want to have children right away, but it can happen no matter how people try to stop it, so if a man is thinking to marry then he had better be sure that he has proper accomodation for his wife, and enough money to pay the bills, buy food and pay the rent and thats hes ready to have children. after All men have been told marry if u can afford it for a very good number of reasons ( not least because Allah ta ala has made muslim men the financial maintainers and protectors of women) and if u cant afford it, then fast.

[peace2u]

I will never understand why many brothers get overly sensitive when a sister mentions money/support/finances when approached with marriage proposals. The immediatly start spitting out verses that all rizq come from Allah (swt) and that there were sahabiyaat who married with dates as their mahr. True wealth is not everything, in fact, wealth can be a major cause of fitnah in a marriage. But we are not talking about that, we mean financial security. What is wrong with that?

Peace

[Cashew]

I have an attorney friend who works on what are called mega-dissolutions -- divorces involving huge sums of money. (And even when these divorces are friendly, there's so much money and so much property involved that these divorces can take 3 to 4 years to complete.)

Contrary to what many people think, these divorces aren't always caused by the husband finding a younger and prettier woman.

Quite often, the husband and wife just "grow tired" of each other.

Now considering that:

1) These people almost always have very interesting jobs.

2) They have more money than they could every possibly spend.

3) They go on very nice vacations very often.

4) They have at least several homes.

5) The children are healthy and well-educated.

You would assume that plenty of money can buy you just about everything you'd need for a long, stress-free, and happy marriage.

But it doesn't. Or at least not always.

[Ebony]

I will never understand why many brothers get overly sensitive when a sister mentions money/support/finances when approached with marriage proposals. The immediatly start spitting out verses that all rizq come from Allah (swt) and that there were sahabiyaat who married with dates as their mahr. True wealth is not everything, in fact, wealth can be a major cause of fitnah in a marriage. But we are not talking about that, we mean financial security. What is wrong with that?

Peace

Sore topic since most of these brothers are skint flints and maybe find wealthy brothers threatening? :eek:

Insecurity at best :rolleyes:

[bint]

im so sure some posts have been deleted?

[.: Anna :.]

I have an attorney friend who works on what are called mega-dissolutions -- divorces involving huge sums of money. (And even when these divorces are friendly, there's so much money and so much property involved that these divorces can take 3 to 4 years to complete.)

Contrary to what many people think, these divorces aren't always caused by the husband finding a younger and prettier woman.

Quite often, the husband and wife just "grow tired" of each other.

Now considering that:

1) These people almost always have very interesting jobs.

2) They have more money than they could every possibly spend.

3) They go on very nice vacations very often.

4) They have at least several homes.

5) The children are healthy and well-educated.

You would assume that plenty of money can buy you just about everything you'd need for a long, stress-free, and happy marriage.

But it doesn't. Or at least not always.

I seriously dont understand this, people divorcing for that reason of "getting tired of each other" and they have these kind of situations like having kids, a decent home 2gether etc... why not just make effort instead of getting bored and divorcing? i just dont get it at all :confused: its really sad :S

[Cashew]

I seriously dont understand this, people divorcing for that reason of "getting tired of each other" and they have these kind of situations like having kids, a decent home 2gether etc... why not just make effort instead of getting bored and divorcing? i just dont get it at all :confused: its really sad :S

I think it all goes back to something we often discuss in this forum:

shared goals.

A good marriage isn't something that automatically happens if you have all the right ingredients.

A good marriage is something that both husband and wife must want. It has to be a conscious goal.

And, you know, the important thing about consciously wanting a good marriage that it actually makes you into a better person overall:

* How can I be more patient?

* How can I better express my interest in someone else's life, thoughts, welfare?

* How can I have a better attitude toward life? A better sense of humor. A more optimistic attitude.

* How can I develop a greater and more active interest in the world outside myself?

* What is that I love about my spouse? How can I deepen my appreciation for those things?

[Janaid]

are you being politically CORRECT ..........all of you ????

it seems to me the STATUS of a man has to be high before marriage

[Tax-Man]

I can't even provide for my self on my own yet, so having a wifey is out the question for the time being.

[bint_ummi]

dang people.... money should have nothing to do with marriage... sure you wanna be able to survive... bare minimum's fine with me... .i'm not psychotic like bint... lol... i'm simple.... but i'd need my husband to be able to support me(and our children) to the point of "ok... we're alive" -you know? sure, whatever... but if there was a rich person(or even moderatly wealthy person) with low iman, and a dirt-poor guy with high iman, well... i'd pick the guy with the high iman any day... plus, people with less tend to appreciate more=higher iman inshallah :D

[peace2u]

Sis, no one is debating the issue of imaan. We are debating if a man should be financially able to support himself and a wife before getting married. It does not take a 'rich' man to have a family, but it does take a financially stable, hard-working one to take care of his family.


Peace

[bint_ummi]

Sis, no one is debating the issue of imaan. We are debating if a man should be financially able to support himself and a wife before getting married. It does not take a 'rich' man to have a family, but it does take a financially stable, hard-working one to take care of his family.


Peace

i'm just talking about the sisters that think money is sooooo important... my point is that there are WAY more important things than money in a marriage... though i do agree that he should be financially stable or working hard to get there inshallah... hard working is a good quality inshallah ta'ala.

[muslima_206]

I agree with and yea i know saying it somali sounds better..I think i remeber my mom or her friend saying that to me but I don't remember who it was really tho allahu wa allem .As'Salaamua alaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakutuh,if you must marry then marry for the deen then inshaAllah.:o

Asalama alaykum


Brothers and sisters....

Nice thread, with that said, remember dear family that
Allah can fill an empty house and empty a full house. (this saying sounds better in somali)

having said that...

I wont speak for everyone, but i know so long as i am spiritually and mentally happy, money doesnt matter. this is not to say i am being un realistic one does need the basic necessities to survive, so i am not referring to this. as long as one has food on the table and clothes on their back u are rich.

so when i say money doesnt matter i am referring 2 type of money which will get me what i want. the type of money that will get u what u need does matter. notice the difference.

If a brother can make a sister mentally rich in that he is able to be a good companion stimulate her mentally, and he supports her spiritually in that he is able 2 influence her to achieve her ambitions to become a ghareeb. this type of brother should be welcomed for they are rare to find nowadays. income doesnt matter so long as u have what suffices ya muslimeen. marriage is an investment in the akira. and hardship is an adventure appreciated once u reach the end of the line.

if an akii is at skool still, and he is able 2 support his wife with the basic neccessities, his wife should encourage him 2 succeed, and not be a burden upon him by constantly demanding that type of money he doesnt have which will get her what she wants.

behind every great man is a great woman. when people enter a marriage contract they should realise its thru good times and bad.

if financial problems do occur in the marriage, remember to enjoy the things that u do have, for worry doesnt correct mistakes, nor does sorrow bring back what is lost.

Inregards to living with inlaws. it wouldnt be ideal, and personaly i wouldnt want to, but if i needed to, i would ride it out.
my dislike for living with inlaws has nothing 2 do with the cliches of not getting along with them, but more of a personal choice, i value privacy, and would like my own place, for i shared a home for years being a mini mother to siblings and what not, its a blessing yes, but married life is abt tranquility a new life to, it is a time whereby the sister gets to venture out into a whole new experience, not a spin off from her own family, and living with in laws is just that a spin of from ur own family life.

it has its goods and bads, non the less like i said it isnt ideal but if it just so happens that a young couple have no other choice, i am a believer in making the best of everything.
and being patient, for sabr is the characteristic of the dignified ones.

as for dowry, i have no idea, i did want a rare kind of horse once but u know *rolls eyes*

till the next episode peace

[muslima_206]

As'Salaamu alaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakutuh
There is this one brother that I am going marry inshaAllah ta'ala
we get along so well that much that we are best friend Alhamduillah.
He is very pious ahamduillah,but he is still in high school but this is like his last year inshaAllah ta'ala,I am done with school as well
but that's not the promble...He has job alhamduilllah for that he is working really hard alhamduillah...My family and friends are the type that are into money so much but I am like that Alhamduillah...He is saving up so we can get married inshaAllah ta'ala,but so my friends are saying that if he really loved he would marry right away u know?So do you guys think that is true?
What do you guys think I should?I really need u guys advices...What would guys do if you guys were in my place..My wali knows about me and this brother alhamduillah...I am getting tired people of my life saying that I am dump just because I am not money hungry you know Alhamduillah..I hate how poeple mixs Islam with cuture..Well in my cuture...when the guys asks for the girls hand in marriage..she has to give both parents money and as well as soon to be wife...He has to do whatever the parents want what not...Well I am not down with culture stuff only the sunnah alhamduillah inshaAllah ta'ala....So you guys can see what I have to deal with and all.I have cousin that are trying mess up things with me and him subanallah..
I just need help I know sound crazy,but what can I say I been hiding this inside it has been driving me crazy inside..I just wanted to say JazakAllahu khair ...Aameeen...To those who give me an advice..I Loooove you guys for sake of Allah subanahu wa ta'ala...ALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HAFIZZZ

[stephenoskie]

how can the family survive without any income ?

where is money for food, clothes and house essesentials plus bills coming from?

[seven]

marriage in not exclusively for the well-off.

marriage is for all, even for the poor.

money is not a pre-condition to get married.

Allah is the one that provides sustanance, and through marriage, there are added blessing in ones sustanace.

[.: Anna :.]

marriage in not exclusively for the well-off.

marriage is for all, even for the poor.

money is not a pre-condition to get married.

Allah is the one that provides sustanance, and through marriage, there are added blessing in ones sustanace.:up::up::up:

and as for children, Allah has promised us He provides for them neway

wa la taqtaloo awlaadakum 5ashayta imlaaqin, na7nu narzuquhum wa iyyaakum, inna qatlahum kaana 5aT2an kabeera

Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin.

[algharib]

As'Salaamu alaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakutuh
There is this one brother that I am going marry inshaAllah ta'ala
we get along so well that much that we are best friend Alhamduillah.
He is very pious ahamduillah,but he is still in high school but this is like his last year inshaAllah ta'ala,I am done with school as well
but that's not the promble...He has job alhamduilllah for that he is working really hard alhamduillah...My family and friends are the type that are into money so much but I am like that Alhamduillah...He is saving up so we can get married inshaAllah ta'ala,but so my friends are saying that if he really loved he would marry right away u know?So do you guys think that is true?
What do you guys think I should?I really need u guys advices...What would guys do if you guys were in my place..My wali knows about me and this brother alhamduillah...I am getting tired people of my life saying that I am dump just because I am not money hungry you know Alhamduillah..I hate how poeple mixs Islam with cuture..Well in my cuture...when the guys asks for the girls hand in marriage..she has to give both parents money and as well as soon to be wife...He has to do whatever the parents want what not...Well I am not down with culture stuff only the sunnah alhamduillah inshaAllah ta'ala....So you guys can see what I have to deal with and all.I have cousin that are trying mess up things with me and him subanallah..
I just need help I know sound crazy,but what can I say I been hiding this inside it has been driving me crazy inside..I just wanted to say JazakAllahu khair ...Aameeen...To those who give me an advice..I Loooove you guys for sake of Allah subanahu wa ta'ala...ALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HAFIZZZ

Uktii if ur husband to be has a good heart and is really from ahlul sunna wal jamaa'aah stick to him PERIOD! Believe me when a girl bears patient and does not forget to show her husband love and affection he grows to love her more as well as appreciates her in a big way unless he's a ingrate u understand me. Another thing ur married life would be intresting,funny,adventourous and good inshaAllah. Go ahead and marry him and do not jeaopardize a good thing going in ur life based upon wrong advises. May Allah help u and all of us.Amin.

[Cristiana]

How important is money in the beginning of a marrige...? would sister marry brother still living at home with parents and studying at the same time..? how much would you ask for your dowry...? is a big wedding necessary...?

I'd prefer if he didn't come "straight from his mother's house" because I like him independent and able to take care of himself (cook/clean/iron etc. = alhamdulillah I have been blessed with a man like that).
I don't know about him studying full time...because how is he going to earn a living? unless i was working full time and earning enough so I could sacrifice until he graduates...but it's difficult.
My dowry was £5:D
A big wedding is not necessary (and to me it would have been a nuisance anyway).
Alhamdulillah for what we have:inlove:

I didn't read the full thread but I'm sure EVERYBODY mentioned that Allah is The Provider :)

[MG]

very important - i need at least 1 packet of Chocolate Croissants a day

[ABDELTAWWAB]

very important - i need at least 1 packet of Chocolate Croissants a day
:insha: in'shaa'ALLAH

:salams Ukhtee MG :D

SubhaanaALLAH wa ALHAMDULILLAHI RABBIL 'ALAMEEN wa ALLAHU AKBAR

ALLAHumma salli ‘ala Sayyiddna Muhammed wa ‘ala Aali Sayyiddna Muhammed, kama salayta ‘ala Sayyiddna Ibraaheem wa ‘ala Aali Sayyiddna Ibraaheem, wa baarek ‘ala Sayyiddna Muhammed wa ‘ala Aali Sayyiddna Muhammed, kama baarakta ‘ala Sayyiddna Ibraaheem wa ‘ala Aali Sayyiddna Ibraaheem, fil alameen innaka hameedun majeed.

May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala make the Best and the most extremely wonderful magnificent beautiful sweetest loveliest lavish opulent greatest superb of everything happen to you Ukhtee MG in this Dunya always and in the Akhirah.


May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala provide you Ukhtee MG with the best and the most extremely wonderful magnificent beautiful sweetest loveliest lavish opulent greatest superb of everything in this Dunya always and in the Akhirah.

ALLAHumma Aameen!!!!!!!!!!!

[PiElle]

money is as important as time.... it is not about how much or how less... but how one manages it...:)

[MG]

:insha: in'shaa'ALLAH

:salams Ukhtee MG :D

SubhaanaALLAH wa ALHAMDULILLAHI RABBIL 'ALAMEEN wa ALLAHU AKBAR

ALLAHumma salli ‘ala Sayyiddna Muhammed wa ‘ala Aali Sayyiddna Muhammed, kama salayta ‘ala Sayyiddna Ibraaheem wa ‘ala Aali Sayyiddna Ibraaheem, wa baarek ‘ala Sayyiddna Muhammed wa ‘ala Aali Sayyiddna Muhammed, kama baarakta ‘ala Sayyiddna Ibraaheem wa ‘ala Aali Sayyiddna Ibraaheem, fil alameen innaka hameedun majeed.

May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala make the Best and the most extremely wonderful magnificent beautiful sweetest loveliest lavish opulent greatest superb of everything happen to you Ukhtee MG in this Dunya always and in the Akhirah.


May ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala provide you Ukhtee MG with the best and the most extremely wonderful magnificent beautiful sweetest loveliest lavish opulent greatest superb of everything in this Dunya always and in the Akhirah.

ALLAHumma Aameen!!!!!!!!!!!

wa alaikum aslaam akhi, ameeeeennn to your duas, keep 'em coming :p

[insomniac]

How important is money in the beginning of a marrige...? would sister marry brother still living at home with parents and studying at the same time..? how much would you ask for your dowry...? is a big wedding necessary...?

Allaah swt is all provider...somebody may have an income and after marriage lose it....yet someone may not have an income and acquire after marriage....

I would look at circumstances and make sure dowry is only that which the guy can afford....

big weddings suck...loads of noise...loads of hassle...reasonable sized family wedding is sufficient without all the long lost people who you, never call see or have heard of who turn up to your wedding :p

Wallaahu alim

ALL THE ABOVE IS MY PERSONAL PREFERENCE AND I'M NOT ENFORCING IT ON ANYONE :up:

[peace2u]

but very true :)


Peace

[Tic~Tac-Toe]

who would marry someone broke, i know i wouldnt!

[~Jafrene~]

no i wudnt say having a big wedding is necessery at all, infact id love to get married in a mosque subhannAllah i would love a guy who'd a agree with me in marrying him in a mosque, becasue these days u get couples getting married in theatres, halls, restaurants and i think its a big waste of money when u can be jus as blessed in a mosque subhannAllah. but i would say that he should have some income of mney just so we have a normal living of life or for future children inshAllah.

[afsalim]

I'd have to say very important. The man must be able to take care of another person before even consider getting married.

[feroz@aconite.c]

Money is more important than we wish to admit, less important than we truly feel, not important for the one who has already left this world, most important for the one who will stay here forever.


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http://richmuslim.blogspot.com

[Joha]

with my principled hat on, no it's not important.

with my realistic hat on, a little - but only a little.

If somebody's a good Muslim, witty, clever, charming, 'pretty', kind, and above all, human, (some of those being mutually contradictory :rolleyes:) then they can be broke for all I care...

[$HugoBoss$]

There is only one true answer and that is: Very Important

Option 2, you can't make a living with some money, you need money to survive.

For the people who picked option 3, would you live on the streets???


No parent would hand their daughter to some uneducated guy who can't even stand on his own feet. Financial stability is important.

[Joha]

For the people who picked option 3, would you live on the streets???

No parent would hand their daughter to some uneducated guy who can't even stand on his own feet. Financial stability is important.

No, there's a difference between not considering money an important factor, and living on the streets. It's perfectly possible to live comfortably and happily on very little money.

And there are many educated men and women who aren't exactly, rich. By which stretch of the imagination can you expect financial stability at the age of 20? Or even 25?

If people are out for financial stability, marry when you're 30, to somebody who's 40.

[neelu]

My friend says her husband has hardly ever given her a penny throughout her marriage even towards basic rent, bills or necessities for the kids (their clothes, nappies and shoes etc). He works full time so it's not like he doesn't have money. She's tried everything to convince him to contribute to the household for years but is running out of patience now. She's seriously considering divorce.

[Hisham Abu]

My friend says her husband has hardly ever given her a penny throughout her marriage even towards basic rent, bills or necessities for the kids (their clothes, nappies and shoes etc). He works full time so it's not like he doesn't have money. She's tried everything to convince him to contribute to the household for years but is running out of patience now. She's seriously considering divorce.She should stop sharing the same bed. He has no right to touch her, and she can refuse him, because he's not providing for her.

[feroz@aconite.c]

She should stop sharing the same bed. He has no right to touch her, and she can refuse him, because he's not providing for her.

Be careful of what you say, two wrongs do not make a right, yes he is not fulfilling his rights, but that doesn't mean she should stop fulfilling hers, in Islam we act to unite not disunite, rather slowly encourage him by teaching him the rights of his wife, marriage is a sacred institution that holds together the fabric of a good and peaceful society, that is why Allah's throne shakes when divorce is uttered. Speak with knowledge dont just assume.

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http://richmuslim.blogspot.com

[feroz@aconite.c]

No, there's a difference between not considering money an important factor, and living on the streets. It's perfectly possible to live comfortably and happily on very little money.

And there are many educated men and women who aren't exactly, rich. By which stretch of the imagination can you expect financial stability at the age of 20? Or even 25?

If people are out for financial stability, marry when you're 30, to somebody who's 40.


So in effect you are still admitting that money is important, even though it be "little", its all an issue of definition really and i fully agree with you about living comfortably and happily on very little money, the issue comes in here, for each person "very little" is different, for a person living for example in soweto here in south africa approximately one thousand rands (+- 90 pounds) would be a heluva lot of money, to you and me it would probably be "very little". So the definition comes in here, if you earn or have enough to meet your expenses you are financially stable, of course if you wish to marry someone whose expenses will be more than what you earn, you will not be financially stable, so yes money is important to the extent of a person/couples expenses, if both are happy with a lesser standard of living then little in our eyes will suffice, if on the other hand there is an excessive desire for luxuries then even what the kings regard as too much will not be enough.


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