Engagements > Wedding

[sajid]

How long you reckon :p

Personal choices please

[Zesty]

Donty like the idea of long engagements- i think if you have a sincere intention to get married, then you should just get on with the nikkah :D

[Sulaiman Harun]

3.1 <>5 Months

[Masumah]

mine has been dragged on to bloody two yrs!!!! :torture:

[.: Anna :.]

I dont think there is benefit in delaying. Once u have agreed that you are willing to marry that person, then u should hasten to set a date the nearest possible time... if you need a little bit longer in order 2 organise the stuff then fine but some people drag it for years and i think that causes unnecessary hardship to the couple

[uhkt_al'muminun]

ive voted asap :D

in my opinon the quicker you get to the niqah the better cause if the gap between the niqah engament is kept a while then i think that the shaitan allows himself to put thoughts and doubt in your heart about the specific person whom you intend to be your spouse insh'Allah...but hey every circumstance is different i guess...some do not have the means to get married which is wht they may delay it :rolleyes: ...Allahuailam

[bint]

personally ive not been to that stage yet..and there shudnt be a massive gap between engagements n nikah..

but-

i think i proll wud have a long engagement..:D

[Masumah]

3 months max :D...need to sort out the event :up:

[Na'eemah]

Engagement isn't part of Islam.

[Masumah]

Engagement isn't part of Islam.

i tink he is referring to wen the boy and girlboth agree to the marriage and the next step is nikah. but ur rite engagement is nto part of Islam in the sense we dotn clebrate it as others or hold it to much importance.

[Sulaiman Harun]

Engagement isn't part of Islam.
That's one thing I wanted be sure of!!

[ur_yusra]

Most of these things are parent dependant...

and by the way.. Hassans back in business did you know...

[Al-Irhaab]

same day... :D

[Maalikah]

Islamically, there is such a thing as an 'engagement period'. Many people mistake the concept of a Western 'engagement' with an Islamic one.

"Courting is the act of asking the woman’s hand in marriage (Khitbah). If the man’s proposal is accepted, the woman is considered ‘engaged’ to him.

An engagement is proclamation of an intention and is not binding. Although an approved khitbah is not legally binding, it constitutes a mutual pledge for marriage and breaking it without a valid reason would be immoral."

[Source: The Quest for Love and Mercy, Regulations for Marriage in Islam - Based on the Muslim Family Series by Muhammad Al-Jibaly]

If people do haraam acts during their engagement period, then those acts are haraam - not the engagement itself.

Oh, in answer to the poll - as long as is needed between the two parties provided they are able to suppress their nafs and desires, but certainly within a year.

[.: Anna :.]

Engagement itself is not part of Islam and still they will remain ghayr mahram to each other til the nikah is complete, but practically there is normally an interim period between agreeing and getting the nikah done, cos ppl hire halls or whatever and get clothes ready and invite the people etc...
We really tried not to put a delay in ours but even then we had to set the date for 3 weeks after, not like the very next day, because of practicality reasons.
But i think to have an engagement party and all that stuff is not really something necessary, its better 2 jst get on and do the actual marriage asap :)

[MG]

aslaam alaikum akhi sajid,


engagements, i despise that word, u either have a nikah or u dont, engagments are western concept in my opinion which basically says, "this is to say your mine though your technically not).


People who have long engagments are a joke in my book. There is absolutely NO point to them.

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Engagement isn't part of Islam.

I agree, engagement doesnt have recognition in Islam as it has in various cultures or in the west, with a big do and after which guy and girl start behaving like married couple.

In Islam it is the occassion where the guy and girl agree on proposal and have firm intention for marriage. This has some Islamic significance since there are some rules attached to the acceptance of proposal, such as the girl cannot consider anyone else in the meantime and this time is utilised to make wedding arrangements etc.

[sajid]

i tink he is referring to wen the boy and girlboth agree to the marriage and the next step is nikah. but ur rite engagement is nto part of Islam in the sense we dotn clebrate it as others or hold it to much importance.
:up:
^
aslaam alaikum akhi sajid,


engagements, i despise that word, u either have a nikah or u dont, engagments are western concept in my opinion which basically says, "this is to say your mine though your technically not).


People who have long engagments are a joke in my book. There is absolutely NO point to them.
^
^
^^

[ghanamuslima]

Donty like the idea of long engagements- i think if you have a sincere intention to get married, then you should just get on with the nikkah :D

i agree if you're serious why wait?:)

[Zesty]

i agree if you're serious why wait?:)

yyeeepp like.. if i fnd him tomorrow.. im gona get nikkah done on Friday! :D whats the delay huh! hehehe.

[Maalikah]

yyeeepp like.. if i fnd him tomorrow.. im gona get nikkah done on Friday! :D whats the delay huh! hehehe.

Because by Monday you might find something scary out about him? We live in different world to the time of the prophet (saw) and our elders. It really depends on each individual person. If you're marrying your cousin then why wait? You already know everything. If you're marrying a stranger outside your family, my advice is to take your time. Of course, every marriage carries a risk but by spending time getting to know the person and their family, you are minimising the risks.

[$HugoBoss$]

Well i'm engaged and i have to wait two years due to studies. It kind of sucks but that was the agreement :D

[Zesty]

looooollll mals sweetheart, i was erm actually being sarcastic and joking! ;) Yes you need some time, but prolonged engagements are unnecessary and i also think that "finding out something scary about o#him on monday," well just equates to the fact that maybe some of us are too fussy? The same annoying habit may not be a reason to say no to someone if you were just married to them and you learned to accept it and live with it. Love him inspite of it! IM not talking about major things that can be a hazard to the marriage but alot of people nowadays are fussy about silly things.

[Maalikah]

looooollll mals sweetheart, i was erm actually being sarcastic and joking! ;) Yes you need some time, but prolonged engagements are unnecessary and i also think that "finding out something scary about o#him on monday," well just equates to the fact that maybe some of us are too fussy? The same annoying habit may not be a reason to say no to someone if you were just married to them and you learned to accept it and live with it. Love him inspite of it! IM not talking about major things that can be a hazard to the marriage but alot of people nowadays are fussy about silly things.

Awww hun, I should have known what you meant! I'm just saying - don't rush into things. After all, this is a decision you are making for this life and the afterlife. But of course you are right, you can't delay for too long a period. People change over time anyway. By the time you get married, you might not be the two same people who got engaged.

[Zesty]

looooll maalikah! no chance of rushing into anything sweety! :p someone has to exist first! But yes i agree, its a very important decision and one that should be taken wisely inshaAllah.

[MMS]

long engagements often end in disaster in my experience :scratch:

[bint]

i know..i think having a nikah done is better then a few months down the line have ure rukhsati done isnt it? much better u can get to talk to him. :p

[nami]

delete

[nami]

There is a hadith/fatwa somewhere which says no more than 3 months max.

[alld]

long engagements often end in disaster in my experience :scratch:

Chat mangni pat shaadi ...I have the same experiences

[MG]

There is a hadith/fatwa somewhere which says no more than 3 months max.


if its a hadith it will be from Prophet Muhammad SAW ,i havent come across any hadith where he talked about allowing engagments for any period of time.


If its a fatwa it will b from a scholar no? i hope he backs his claim up with evidence from quran and sunnah in that case.

If anyone has the above can they post them

[.: Anna :.]

yeah its a big difference between a hadith and a fatwa? anyway insha allah if u find the reference for it post it for our info :)

[Fairy]

I dont think there is benefit in delaying. Once u have agreed that you are willing to marry that person, then u should hasten to set a date the nearest possible time... if you need a little bit longer in order 2 organise the stuff then fine but some people drag it for years and i think that causes unnecessary hardship to the couple

Agreed.

[nami]

if its a hadith it will be from Prophet Muhammad SAW ,i havent come across any hadith where he talked about allowing engagments for any period of time.


If its a fatwa it will b from a scholar no? i hope he backs his claim up with evidence from quran and sunnah in that case.

If anyone has the above can they post them

i was fairly sure i read it somewhere but i guess i might be confusing it with something else. anyway, looks like you're right MG - check this fatwa out


There is no engagement in Islam as known in the West (such as dating). After having made the decision to marry one's prospective spouse, it is unlawful to spend time with him/her. It is permissible to speak to the prospective spouse as many times as needed in order to make one's decision about marrying them. Once the two have decided to go ahead with the marriage, then the only legal reason to meet after that is to discuss the details of the wedding.

Islamically speaking, the closest thing to engagement is the period after the couple has made the Islamic marriage contract (katbul kitab) before the bride actually moves in with the groom. This period can last as long as the couple wants it to last, because technically they are married, except the marriage has not been officially consummated.


source (http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=7&ID=12176&CATE=3610)

[`asiya]

aslaam alaikum akhi sajid,


engagements, i despise that word, u either have a nikah or u dont, engagments are western concept in my opinion which basically says, "this is to say your mine though your technically not).


People who have long engagments are a joke in my book. There is absolutely NO point to them.
well said ukhti

“O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.” (Agreed upon, from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood, may Allaah be pleased with him. ( Al-Bukhaari, Muslim)

get married as soon as :up:

[nami]

deleted

[MG]

deleted

well your not married yet so u can stilldo that

[MG]

i was fairly sure i read it somewhere but i guess i might be confusing it with something else. anyway, looks like you're right MG - check this fatwa out



source (http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=7&ID=12176&CATE=3610)

yeh bro i get like that wen im reading alot of stuff but try to avoid saying stuff if ur not sure becos its a really bad thing to do, incase we have sed it wrong and someone might go and act upon what we have sed.

I have caught myself doing it a few times and have had to catch myself and tell the person im talking to , to go rsearch for themselves and when they are happy with the way they want to go then act on what they think right.

ON the day of judgement we dont want a share of punsihment from peoples sins who acted upon what we sed without being sure.

Once sis Niqaabi put me stright on something i sed on here and i :inlove: for that!

[nami]

yeh bro i get like that wen im reading alot of stuff but try to avoid saying stuff if ur not sure becos its a really bad thing to do, incase we have sed it wrong and someone might go and act upon what we have sed.

I have caught myself doing it a few times and have had to catch myself and tell the person im talking to , to go rsearch for themselves and when they are happy with the way they want to go then act on what they think right.

ON the day of judgement we dont want a share of punsihment from peoples sins who acted upon what we sed without being sure.

Once sis Niqaabi put me stright on something i sed on here and i :inlove: for that!


I'll keep that in mind. :up:

[Khubaib]

same day... :D

I agree.
Unfortunately sisters require at least one day to prepare akh :rolleyes: . And parents need considerably more time to prepare, and mothers need considerably more time than that. So one day will not suffice.

[Ebony]

Til you can figure out how much money he has and how to milk it :nerdsis:

[Lu'Lu]

Sum pakis do looong engagements to 'bagsy the girl', as in, they know that getting married is not in the question for at least 3-5 years, so they just propose and get the kids engaged so that she doesnt get a proposal and get engaged elsewhere.

Problem is, most kids cant wait and so they end up talking and even meeting and then its downhill from there....!

I personally think a few months engagement is good...just to familiarise with the family and people..especially for the girl. I know people have done that and there has been no contact between the girl and guy whatsoever so it is halaal. Ok so the girl may have issues and doubts, but much better to get them out before the nikah and if it means that they break it off, they break it off! Better than a divorce...

Marriage seems a lot more daunting for girls than guys, which is why we have had responses from brothers such as 'same day...' Obviously they dont need to think about much :rolleyes:

[sapphire_blue]

I agree, engagement doesnt have recognition in Islam as it has in various cultures or in the west, with a big do and after which guy and girl start behaving like married couple.

.


This is coming in more and more in our cultures. It is not right and not Islamic at all. The parents also, now, that they are engaged say nothing when the couple go out together and also allow them to sit close next to each other/touch each other/hold each others hands at and after the engagement. This is not on at all . . . :mad:

[MG]

This is coming in more and more in our cultures. It is not right and not Islamic at all. The parents also, now, that they are engaged say nothing when the couple go out together and also allow them to sit close next to each other/touch each other/hold each others hands at and after the engagement. This is not on at all . . . :mad:


and these families are the same ones who go around to others homes judging- so and so's daughter/son and saying "your son was seen with so and so or your daughter was seen with so and so"...without looking in their own back yard at thier own...they are under the notion that jus bcos its happening in front of them its "halal" ....islam doesnt come into it

[Refugee]

Til you can figure out how much money he has and how to milk it :nerdsis:

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116943&page=2

[Fais]

This is coming in more and more in our cultures. It is not right and not Islamic at all. The parents also, now, that they are engaged say nothing when the couple go out together and also allow them to sit close next to each other/touch each other/hold each others hands at and after the engagement. This is not on at all . . . :mad:

:shock: ...

and these families are the same ones who go around to others homes judging- so and so's daughter/son and saying "your son was seen with so and so or your daughter was seen with so and so"...without looking in their own back yard at thier own...they are under the notion that jus bcos its happening in front of them its "halal" ....islam doesnt come into it

:smack: .. tell me about it :rolleyes:

[ibn suleman]

usually the longer the wait the greater chance of fitnah..

asap is best i say..

if there are complications in arranging walimah etc..at least get the nikkah done

[Lu'Lu]

usually the longer the wait the greater chance of fitnah..
asap is best i say..

if there are complications in arranging walimah etc..at least get the nikkah done

I do agree with you here...and as the majority of people cant keep away and talk on the phone etc, there is a big chance of it happening. But there are still some of us who can be engaged and not talk or interact with the other person AT ALL! Alhumdulillah :)

Its up to both parties to reduce any chance of fitnah, and that means not even exchanging numbers for 'important issues.' Where there's a will, there is a way :up:

[ibn suleman]

I do agree with you here...and as the majority of people cant keep away and talk on the phone etc, there is a big chance of it happening. But there are still some of us who can be engaged and not talk or interact with the other person AT ALL! Alhumdulillah :)

Its up to both parties to reduce any chance of fitnah, and that means not even exchanging numbers for 'important issues.' Where there's a will, there is a way :up:

alhamdulillah :up:

thats why i said "usually" :p

masha'allah there are those out there who do not fall into the fitnah of conversing excessively etc..to each other prior nikkah.

May Allah reward them and make their marriages successful in both worlds - ameen

[junaidb]

i cant find the daleel as yet but i remember clearly that wen a man proposes to a woman and she accepts then hasten to make the nikah for the delaying of nikah is a cause for creating the greatest fitnah on the dunya.....

:coolbro:

[Lu'Lu]

i cant find the daleel as yet but i remember clearly that wen a man proposes to a woman and she accepts then hasten to make the nikah for the delaying of nikah is a cause for creating the greatest fitnah on the dunya.....

:coolbro:

I'm not sure if I have come across that hadith...there is the hadith that if a man of good character and deen that you are pleased with comes and proposes to a woman then she must accept him otherwise there will be great fitnah in the world. I have not come across one in which the delaying of the nikah will cause great fitnah as there are sometimes genuine reasons why a nikah may be delayed i.e. the availability of a wali etc.

Wa Allahu A'lam

[junaidb]

I'm not sure if I have come across that hadith...there is the hadith that if a man of good character and deen that you are pleased with comes and proposes to a woman then she must accept him otherwise there will be great fitnah in the world. I have not come across one in which the delaying of the nikah will cause great fitnah as there are sometimes genuine reasons why a nikah may be delayed i.e. the availability of a wali etc.

Wa Allahu A'lam

u are right...it was something to that effect....for some reason today, my memory is playing up on me....:rubeyes:
i nd to sleep.....:rolleyes:
shukran

Allahu A'lam
VAKB

:coolbro:

[Torn.Rose]

Personally i would say quicker the better..once u have agreed to marry someone, u want to be with them so why wait? the only reason i didnt vote asap is cuz a girl needs to plan these things...basically shop, shop n shop some more! id need about 3-6 months to plan everything...im an organiser and i like things to be planned out! id freak if i left things to chance!:rolleyes:

[Kubs]

How long you reckon :p

Personal choices please

About 5 - 6 months.

[Saint Poetry]

i think the longer u wait, the more sure u r...

[MG]

i think the longer u wait, the more sure u r...

that is whispers from shaytaan in my book, it is literally impossible (Especially for a man) to control his desires when having a long engagement and meeting with his/her wife/husband-to-be regualrly, the will inevitably do something sinful, get married as soon as u know u wish to marry each other.

Doesnt have to be the next day but as soon as possible

[bintadam]

wot MG is saying is true but also the guy can be pretending 2 b sum1 else so dat u agree n da parents agree 2 get married n a week after marriage hes a totally different person n hes beating u n breaking promises he made. so if u have a long engagement his behaviour can be watch n ppl can c if he really is hu he says he is

[Saint Poetry]

how insulting...if a man is truly religious, and so is the woman, then it shoulkdnt matter how long they wait, a true muslim can wait a lifetime. i have waited 4 years for the right girl i wish to marry. i have been waiting quite a while if u ask me. dont tell me i speak from Lucifer, i hate Lucifer, he is just another low life under the sole of my shoe

[bintadam]

o dear...

[MG]

wot MG is saying is true but also the guy can be pretending 2 b sum1 else so dat u agree n da parents agree 2 get married n a week after marriage hes a totally different person n hes beating u n breaking promises he made. so if u have a long engagement his behaviour can be watch n ppl can c if he really is hu he says he is

that doesnt explain the couple who live in sin for years and years and still break up, or they get married after living in sin for years and suddenly they are divorced.

Prophet SAW has told us how to judge someones charachter and make the right decision: get references, ask questions, do isitkhara and dua....among others


if long engagemtns were needed to establish whether someones is good for u or not, Prophet SAW would have recommnded for us to do this.

[MG]

how insulting...if a man is truly religious, and so is the woman, then it shoulkdnt matter how long they wait, a true muslim can wait a lifetime. i have waited 4 years for the right girl i wish to marry. i have been waiting quite a while if u ask me. dont tell me i speak from Lucifer, i hate Lucifer, he is just another low life under the sole of my shoe

i assume lucifer is shaytaan...read my post again, i didnt say your shaytaan, i said in my opinion they are whispers from shaytaan, every human being on this earth gets whispers from the shaytaan, you, me, the whole of mankind, that doesnt make us "lucifer".

i apologise for causing u offence but i didnt say what your accusing me of.


Bottom line, engagements are not in islam, so whether u fall into sin or not,the window off opportunity is there and it is not something from islam.

[bintadam]

yea das y u gotta wait b4 agreeing to marry someone... so dey can be checked out n istikhara can be made...

[bintadam]

when u do the nikah, the sunnah is to do the walimah 3 days after. Engagment doesnt mean anything in islam. there's nikah and that means ur married and the walimah which is the wedding feast. engagment doesnt make you halal for eachother, so it has no place in islam.

[sajid]

Thanks for the suggestions guys :D

[Abu Mu'adh]

when u do the nikah, the sunnah is to do the walimah 3 days after. Engagment doesnt mean anything in islam. there's nikah and that means ur married and the walimah which is the wedding feast. engagment doesnt make you halal for eachother, so it has no place in islam.

Salaam, the section above i have highlighted, are you sure about this, can you provide some hadith?

hanafi fiqh states the walima on the 3rd day is not valid and should be done within two days of the nikah.....

[Abu Mu'adh]

It has also been reported from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) that he stated: “Walima on the first day is confirmed (haq), and on the second day, it is good (ma’ruf), and on the third day, it is showing off.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 3738)

[Supernova Nebula]

sajid, get married only after september please, I'd like to attend your wedding:D:p

[afsalim]

Already engaged. Wedding will take place on February, 2008 Inshallah.

[Sister-Ameena*]

:salams I'd say longer - maybe even a year.

[aurorascopic]

grr @ whoever bumped this thread

it makes me :crying2: I have another 11 months before I get married and let me tell yer..my engagement was a loong time before this!!!! grrrr

[aisha2007]

Asalaam Alaikum

We talked via phone (because of our profession) starting in May last year, we talked about marriage a month later, I flew out and met him on a tuesday at the beginning of October, became engaged that evening and married on the Friday.

Still together a year later alhamdulillah.
I wasn't gonna let this one go!!!!!!!!!!!:inlove:

[zammy]

Aww :inlove:


By engaged do yall mean the nikaah..?

[aisha2007]

Aww :inlove:


By engaged do yall mean the nikaah..?

Asalaam Alaikum

We didn't have 'engagement' by western standards...no ring or anything...just an agreement if you like.
Nikkah was the marriage.

[zammy]

Asalaam Alaikum

We didn't have 'engagement' by western standards...no ring or anything...just an agreement if you like.
Nikkah was the marriage.

Oh okay, I get it...I asked because I know of some pple who take the nikkah as a kind of engagement and make it a few months before the actual wedding (even tho they are actually married)

[Ibn Khattab]

cuz are you dumb im not waiting 2 minutes if i find someone :D

:outta:

[Abu Lahya]

cuz are you dumb im not waiting 2 minutes if i find someone :D

:outta:

Whens The Wedding Then?