Your Biggest Challenge: What Sort of Parent Do You Hope to Be?

[Cashew]

So many of the young Muslims here seem so worried about marriage that they seem to lose sight of the big picture (some may call it a "horror show"): parenting.

I know it isn't quite as thrilling as dreaming of you truly beloved or fretting over the high-drama of match-making, but parenting is, after all, the entire point of getting married (for those fortunate enough to have children).

What sort of parent do you hope to be?

In what way will you raise your own children that will be different from the way your parents raised you?

What worries you about being a parent? Are you concerned that you don't have enough sabr, or patience, for dealing with the tiny squealing fiends?

What does Islam teach Muslims about parenting?

What Islamic teachings regarding parenting seem most helpful or meaningful to you?

[Te'oma]

When my kids were little, being dad was easy. The real trouble and trials started when they got to be around 12 or 13 and they started trying to pull away. I had to learn that I had taught them right from wrong and how to use their heads. I had to pull back from being the "authority" and laying down the law to having to trust them to make sound decisions and to help them pick up the pieces and face the consequences when they didn't. I had to stop making decisions for them but I had to be there when they came to me for help or advice.
My oldest was the one that I made all my mistakes with and she was the only one that I had to deal with any real rebellion from. That is my only regret but we have been slowly mending bridges over the last few years and getting close again

[Supernova Nebula]

my only worry is, peer pressure:(

[Leena_Cnd]

In what way will you raise your own children that will be different from the way your parents raised you?
'Loosing' my parents at a early age, made me realize the importance
of children needing a confidant.
All parents need to be their children's closest confidant, and take their
children's woes with concern, no matter how silly @) they are.
.
.

[.: Anna :.]

So many of the young Muslims here seem so worried about marriage that they seem to lose sight of the big picture (some may call it a "horror show"): parenting.

I know it isn't quite as thrilling as dreaming of you truly beloved or fretting over the high-drama of match-making, but parenting is, after all, the entire point of getting married (for those fortunate enough to have children).

What sort of parent do you hope to be?

In what way will you raise your own children that will be different from the way your parents raised you?

What worries you about being a parent? Are you concerned that you don't have enough sabr, or patience, for dealing with the tiny squealing fiends?

What does Islam teach Muslims about parenting?

What Islamic teachings regarding parenting seem most helpful or meaningful to you?

Oh personally I think it is thrilling :D I think alot of sisters especially spend alot of time daydreaming about this as well as marriage, (well about the babies stage, if not the dealing with teenagers stage :p), dnt know about the brothers.

As for me I dont have kids yet, but I am extremely looking forward to it insha allah. I think my own parents were/are very good in parenting, and prob I have learned alot from that... so I would quite similar 2 that I think, but the muslim version of that :p I love my parents alot and enjoy their company, and I hope that my own kids would feel the same way about me n hubby . I think wat Teoma said is important, once they are becoming teenagers (islamically that is an adult anyway), parents need 2 change from the way they hav treated them as children, not to always make their decisions... but allow them 2 make it, and guide them and advise them in a gentle way rather than very harsh or confrontational which pushes them away and makes them become defensive n secretive against the parents.

Ive got the intention to instill the love for islam in them since the very beginning, this way u can trust them 2 do the right thing n feel confident that they will make the right decisions. not jst to teach them parrot style 2 recite the quran, but with a proper understanding of the religion and to have a strong identity as a muslim, be knowledgable in religious matters and have manners and character befitting to a muslim. Obviously we cn not expect them 2 b perfect though, jst as we are not perfect ourselves bt still try 2 help them become the best that they can insha allah.

Btw Islamically u may b interested in the 7yrs parenting advice, which is one method for the 1st 7 years, then for the 2nd then for the 3rd. do u kno it?

[Cristiana]

I learnt a lot from my parents and, as Anna said, I'll try to bring the muslim version of those teachings in my children's life insha'Allah.

I was the rebellious child.
Thinking back to all my rage all i can say is NEVER patronize a teenager OR A CHILD. I learnt to be critical of adults very early on and the fact they wouldn't really listen to me would feel me with anger like nothing before or after it.

I want to spend time with each of my children doing something fun, as if we were a couple of friends, from time to time:)
I will tell my children that I love them: feelings will NEVER have to be a taboo.

[Cristiana]

I'm FAR LESS worried about parenting now that I am muslim: I am imperfect, but I have a perfect guide:)

[Chained_Water]

When my kids were little, being dad was easy. The real trouble and trials started when they got to be around 12 or 13 and they started trying to pull away. I had to learn that I had taught them right from wrong and how to use their heads. I had to pull back from being the "authority" and laying down the law to having to trust them to make sound decisions and to help them pick up the pieces and face the consequences when they didn't. I had to stop making decisions for them but I had to be there when they came to me for help or advice.
My oldest was the one that I made all my mistakes with and she was the only one that I had to deal with any real rebellion from. That is my only regret but we have been slowly mending bridges over the last few years and getting close again
Us spoor eldest children are always the guinea pigs :(

[MG]

im really scared of what trials im gonna face with my lil one, at the moment he looks so innocent *quivers*

i inshallah try and be a very good parent, i always get good comments and praises from others about parenting but the pressure to be a good parent is always there and u will always question yourself over and over , cos u dont know if your doing the job right half the time!

but its very deflating becos children are but a test for us , jus like wealth.

Jus make the upbringing as islamically orientated as possible, especially in the younger, years, it really makes a difference.

Teach them halal and haraam from a very young age (obviously jus the basics wen they are younger).

An important point u raised cashew..."sabr".....boy do u need that wen u got children.
People dont realise how much children change u as person, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. And one thing i have noticed is how much we the parents can learn so much from jus watching a child, and how they deal wioth situations, its amazing the things u see, adults can learn alot from that itself.

[Cashew]

"...Btw Islamically u may b interested in the 7yrs parenting advice, which is one method for the 1st 7 years, then for the 2nd then for the 3rd. do u kno it? ..."

Anna, what is this Seven Years parenting advice advocated by Islam?

[Muttaqi]

I think I will be spending a lot of time with my children discussing the things they do at the end of the day, how their day went, and how they feel. This is because children experience many new things, they have many questions and and they are very inquisitive. By talking to children and taking the time out for it at the end of the day, you get to direct them, explain things and guide them to what you believe is correct. I would rather do that then them learn from sources that may not be correct.

This is also why I want to inshAllah, play a large role in the education of my children. I want to home-school them inshAllah.

Oh, and the greatest things that I have learnt in Islam regarding parenting, is the importance of the role of the Mother in ensuring that her children are her first priority. There are many stories I read where the Mother is given credit for bringing up that righteous Muslim, or how she might have played a role in bringing about so much good through her child (e.g. Musa (as)'s mother, or how Imam Bukhari's mother brought him up or in the way she prayed for him). This made me think about my own role as a woman and as a mother one day. Learning about parenting was very important, as parenting or being at home with your children isn't looked upon very highly in the West.

[Te'oma]

Us spoor eldest children are always the guinea pigs :(


LOL po' girl

BTW IMHO boys are sooooooo much easier then girls to raise

[Ruprecht]

Us spoor eldest children are always the guinea pigs :(

Hah.
My younger brother and sisters all complain that I got away with everything because I was the first, but that because of what I got up to Mum and Dad came down on them like a tonne of bricks. :o

[Ebony]

Us spoor eldest children are always the guinea pigs :(

Tell me about it :smack:

[Fais]

Hah.
My younger brother and sisters all complain that I got away with everything because I was the first, but that because of what I got up to Mum and Dad came down on them like a tonne of bricks. :o

LOL, my family its the other way round.

My older bros complain that i got away with eveything because im the youngest.

[.: Anna :.]

"...Btw Islamically u may b interested in the 7yrs parenting advice, which is one method for the 1st 7 years, then for the 2nd then for the 3rd. do u kno it? ..."

Anna, what is this Seven Years parenting advice advocated by Islam?

I was trying to find a site which explained it but i only found a couple of shia ones so I didnt want 2 use em :S so i will briefly try 2 explain from w@ i can remember. Its that for the first 7 years u play with the child, not too harsh on him or strict, like if he wants to pray then he prays, if he doesnt want to, u dnt hav 2 get angry n force him etc, u act very gentle wit him. the next seven years, u are quite strict with him n make sure he does everything n learns 2 do everything properly. the last 7 years u are like a friend, an advisor and he is an advisor 2 u aswell, like companions kinda. then he has reached 21 years of age and the duty of the parent is seen as completed. (that doesnt mean they have no contact now bw parent and child ne more, nothing like that, still we keep up the ties).
Erm if ne1 can expand a bit more that will b good ia

[Saadet]

What sort of parent do you hope to be?

A non-parent..

[Medievalist]

I'd raise my kids pretty much how my dad raised us. But chances are I'd spoil my daughters and be more strict on my sons.

[Loobna]

I think this is one of the things that scares me about marriage :( - dont get me wrong I do want to get married and have kids but I think its crucial to learn first what responsibilities go along with these two things. I dont want to not be able to provide for my kids - provide in the sense that I should know how to deal with bringing them up before I have them and not while I have them. I want to be a good mum, so I realised there is a lot of learning to do - its not not just all playing with the cute baby! the cute baby grows up! Luckily I have my brother to 'practice' on (theres an 18 yr age gap btw us) but for now I just have to carry on being the only unmarried one in the parenting classes :o

[Nawar]

Allahu akbar, I think its such an amazing chapter of life. :)

I know very young kids now, who mashallah are looking up to Khalid bin waleed, and telling me about Salahuddin and how great he was, teaching me arabic and correcting my tajweed mashallah and Im like :eek:, Subhanallah, such enthusiasm at such a young age! :inlove: If you put that work in, as early as you can, Subhanallah, what an amazing next generation we will have InshAllah. Our little ones should have that yearning for knowledge, and true love for Islam, if you nurture that love for Allah azza wa jal, and Rasool (saw) early.

[zaki]

I hope that I will be able to treat the children good, I've learnt alot from my parents like its doesn't cost anything to say please and thank you, which i noticed that not alot of that is said anymore. My parents taught me that being nice to your children you usually get the same back from them. I was also taught from my dad that though he works odd hours and doesn't usually get to see the family, when you are home and tired, do try and spend some time with the family instead of going to sleep.

I hope to be able to play with the children like I do with many children at the masjid, they usually come running to me when they see me, so I must be doing something right :D