View Full Version : Nikah Question
Abu Mu'adh
08-01-07, 12:08 PM
Salamu-Alaikum
I have a question and would appreciate some feedback....
The things is i'm engaged, however the wedding is not due for another 10 or so months due to various reasons, mashallah both me and her are very practising....
The thing is i can't wait to get married and would like to at least get our nikah done, so we are halal for each other and can at least communicate via email and on the phone without commiting any sin.
how can i go about persuading her and her family to get our nikah done without coming across as too eager.
I've tried explaining to her that it won't change anything in terms of her circumstances, i.e she would still be at her own house, can complete her studies etc etc.
She isn't ready just yet to take such a step...
Any words of wisdom?
Jazakhallah.
wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh
nikkah is the marriage akhi , once the nikkah is done, khalass ur married masha Allah, just ask them to bring it forward insha Allah ta ala
nothing wrong with showing ure eager. its natural.
u gotta just go over n talk about it.:up:
Na'eemah
08-01-07, 12:14 PM
She isnt ready to bring it forward, then you'll have to wait :rolleyes:
She isnt ready to bring it forward, then you'll have to wait :rolleyes:
oh im sure the lass wud love it:hidban:
She isnt ready to bring it forward, then you'll have to wait :rolleyes:
Eggjactly :rolleyes:
Eggjactly :rolleyes:
ar-ree aap kiya boltee ho?:hidban:
Well if she is practising and covers, surely she would prefer an early nikkah to somewhat 'break the ice,' and become more comfortable around you? I have seen that that is the norm these days, that brothers and sisters have their nikkah early and the waleema few months later as sisters are usually quite shy and feel daunted by having everything in one go. But thats just some people, others prefer it.
I suggest you approach the family and explain the fitnah surrounding 'long engagements', such as ayn (nazr) from other people and generally how long engagements are disliked in Islam. After all, the Prophet (SAW) completed the nikkah, (aqd) with Aaisha (RA) for three years before they consummated the marriage. So it is from the sunnah
And if you dont wanna look too eager...then dont bother! I am sure the sister will like it if she sees that you are eager to marry her, she may try and play hard to get just for the fun of it though I guess.
Maybe you should however make it clear what your understanding of nikkah is in terms of your relationship with her. Some parents are quite apprehensive about the consequences so you should make it clear as that can usually hold them back from agreeing to the idea...
^^ I agree sis, good points there. Long engagements mean very little Islamically and are un-necessary imo.
But the whole thing requires a lot of thought. Because after the nikkah, you are husband and wife SubhanAllah, you have rights over one another, you are lawful for one another, it is not a light matter, and comes with many considerations. Not just the halaal phone call or chat now and again.
Al-Irhaab
08-01-07, 01:30 PM
Salamu-Alaikum
I have a question and would appreciate some feedback....
The things is i'm engaged, however the wedding is not due for another 10 or so months due to various reasons, mashallah both me and her are very practising....
The thing is i can't wait to get married and would like to at least get our nikah done, so we are halal for each other and can at least communicate via email and on the phone without commiting any sin.
how can i go about persuading her and her family to get our nikah done without coming across as too eager.
I've tried explaining to her that it won't change anything in terms of her circumstances, i.e she would still be at her own house, can complete her studies etc etc.
She isn't ready just yet to take such a step...
Any words of wisdom?
Jazakhallah.
this aint ready stuff is rubbish bro... nothing gonna change in ten months thats gonna her all of a sudden make her ready to be married to you and the rest of it... if u really want to get married sooner just explain to them why and push them to do it... if they refuse its up to u whether to push them and bully them a lil more or just wait it out... :rolleyes:
^^ I agree sis, good points there. Long engagements mean very little Islamically and are un-necessary imo.
But the whole thing requires a lot of thought. Because after the nikkah, you are husband and wife SubhanAllah, you have rights over one another, you are lawful for one another, it is not a light matter, and comes with many considerations. Not just the halaal phone call or chat now and again.
Yeah...I've heard its easier said than done. Most people are not aware of what is allowed, disallowed and even disliked in the period between aqd and waleemah.
Read this answer
What is permissible for a husband after doing the marriage contract with his wife and before announcing the consummation of the marriage?
http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=74321&ln=eng
More importantly, wheres my rep :p :p
yeah, SubhanAllah. but more importantly, wheres my rep :p :p
Errmmmmm.....wheres the arabic????
Errmmmmm.....wheres the arabic????
:rotfl:
Al-Saeed Abdi
08-01-07, 03:32 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum,
What you want is practised by many Muslims, and commonly referred to as Khitaab. Wherein you do the Nikha, thus are halal for each other and leave the Walimah for a later date. Although the Walimah ideally should be done straight after consummating the marriage. Keep in mind the Walimah is Sunnah, not Fard. So to save yourself from the temptation of doing anything Haraam, you can do the Nikha and just have a party/feast/celebration at a later date.
Ma'aSalaama
As Salaamu Alaikum,
What you want is practised by many Muslims, and commonly referred to as Khitaab. Wherein you do the Nikha, thus are halal for each other and leave the Walimah for a later date. Although the Walimah ideally should be done straight after consummating the marriage. Keep in mind the Walimah is Sunnah, not Fard. So to save yourself from the temptation of doing anything Haraam, you can do the Nikha and just have a party/feast/celebration at a later date.
Ma'aSalaama
Do you mean, that the husband and wife live with each other straight after the nikkah and delay the waleemah? Because I think he is referring to the nikah where just the marriage contract takes place and they do not consummate the marriage till they announce the marriage (pak culture calls it rukhsati) and then have waleema.
Because on Islam-Qa it says that even though you are halaal for each other and everything is permissibile, it is recommended not to consummate the marriage before the waleemah/announcement of marriage. People do not always know this.
Al-Saeed Abdi
08-01-07, 04:03 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum,
That doesn't make sense, why would someone want a marriage like that, even for one day. Also, what I said isn't from Islam, it's a cultural practise that some west African Muslims practise.
Ma'aSalaama
Do you mean, that the husband and wife live with each other straight after the nikkah and delay the waleemah? Because I think he is referring to the nikah where just the marriage contract takes place and they do not consummate the marriage till they announce the marriage (pak culture calls it rukhsati) and then have waleema.
Because on Islam-Qa it says that even though you are halaal for each other and everything is permissibile, it is recommended not to consummate the marriage before the waleemah/announcement of marriage. People do not always know this.
yep sis, it is Islamically fine for them to be intimate after nikkah because she is his wife, what the shaikh is advising is that if they cant afford to live together, and their family people are used to what they call in their customs the announcement of the marriage or what they call the wedding night,which is what in their customs is the actual wallima then its better to wait until everything is in place, and do nikkah and and announce it, and have the waleema so that the people dont become suspicious and gossip etc. and to do all of that when they can live together as man and wife, so it would just save a lot of trouble for them as a married couple insha Allah but ultimately as soon as the nikkah is done then they are man and wife and it is halal for them to be alone.I can see what hes saying though as man should have everything in place to take care of his wife insha Allah, but ultimately in these times better they marry as soon as insha Allah or fitnah could arise audu billah
yep sis, it is Islamically fine for them to be intimate after nikkah because she is his wife, what the shaikh is advising is that if they cant afford to live together, and their family people are used to what they call in their customs the announcement of the marriage or what they call the wedding night,which is what in their customs is the actual wallima then its better to wait until everything is in place, and do nikkah and and announce it, and have the waleema so that the people dont become suspicious and gossip etc. and to do all of that when they can live together as man and wife, so it would just save a lot of trouble for them as a married couple insha Allah but ultimately as soon as the nikkah is done then they are man and wife and it is halal for them to be alone.I can see what hes saying though as man should have everything in place to take care of his wife insha Allah, but ultimately in these times better they marry as soon as insha Allah or fitnah could arise audu billah
Yeah no, i understand what you mean. You put it a lot more clearly than me!
Its just that I know a couple who got had their nikkah early and consummated the marriage before announcing the marriage and half the family knew and the other half didnt and I personally didnt think it was appropriate. People were talking and his parents didnt even know and hers did and it just didnt seem right. Fair enough they are halal for each other, but you should either bring the waleema date forward or wait because as the Sheikh pointed out on Islam-QA, there is an increased likelihood of gossip and other evils that can arise from it. Ok so I have not been in the situation of such individuals so I guess I cannot judge what their feelings are etc. But I think if people choose to enter into such contracts early, they should stipulate conditions before so as to prevent any misunderstandings and problems after the marriage. Some families go to extremes where they dont even allow the husband and wife to sit in the same room alone together after nikkah!! If both parties know where they stand, then it should hopefully work.
Insha'allah, pray salatul istikhara and see the result as only Allah(swt) will know what is best! but i say go for it, it's better than sinning!
May Allah(swt) make it easy for you! and Insha'allah you will both be happy and attain Jannah together! Ameen!
www.forthesakeofallah.blogspot.com
January 11, the International Day to Shut Down Guantanamo! Protests will be held all over the world! Please do attend!
muslim_sis
08-01-07, 07:22 PM
well if the both like each other and want to marry and u want to be able to speak etc in halal way , then why not do the nikah, even if u wont be living together until a certain time?!!
well if the both like each other and want to marry and u want to be able to speak etc in halal way , then why not do the nikah, even if u wont be living together until a certain time?!!
yea i think its better sis then not marrying Alhamdulillah, i think the shaikh was just saying about cultural people, and waiting for suspicions sake, but then no good muslim is going to think like that anyway so yep i think nikkah is better than waiting , especially in this society, i mean who knows how long we even have we may not live till the morning, or the evening Allah knows best and too many people, always waiting "oh i`ll get married when im thirty" ...right and do u have a gaurentee from Allah ta ala that your going to even live to see 30 or something? or "oh i`ll get married when i finish uni" again u have a gaurentee on that lifespan or something? The sahabba didnt mess around nor did our prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam when it came to marriage. long so called "engagments" just arent good for anyone involved.
muslim_sis
08-01-07, 07:51 PM
yea i think its better sis then not marrying Alhamdulillah, i think the shaikh was just saying about cultural people, and waiting for suspicions sake, but then no good muslim is going to think like that anyway so yep i think nikkah is better than waiting , especially in this society, i mean who knows how long we even have we may not live till the morning, or the evening Allah knows best and too many people, always waiting "oh i`ll get married when im thirty" ...right and do u have a gaurentee from Allah ta ala that your going to even live to see 30 or something? or "oh i`ll get married when i finish uni" again u have a gaurentee on that lifespan or something? The sahabba didnt mess around nor did our prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam when it came to marriage. long so called "engagments" just arent good for anyone involved.
very true sis! i agree !
Ar-Raya
10-01-07, 03:41 AM
May Allah ta'ala make things easy for u akhi...
how can i go about persuading her and her family to get our nikah done without coming across as too eager
*GRINS* @ the above,InshaAllah u can persuade her to do the nikah asap as u said u can't wait 10 months...MashAllah
May Allah ta'ala grant u sabr and guide both u and her towards that which is best for both of u...
And remember this:sometimes we would like certain things to happen but Allah ta'ala knows better,and He azawajal knows what is best for us,And only He azawajal would know if perhaps that thing would be bad for us so He withholds it as a blessing for us...
basically...Sometimes we want things but Allah ta'ala withholds it as a blessing for us...And sometimes we dont like things to happen,but they have happened as a blessing for Us...
Allah knows what is best for Us and we know not....
May Allah ta'ala guide us all to that which is best for our iman and towards that which would bring us closer to him
vBulletin® v3.7.2, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.