Parents Section

[Al-ghurabah]

salam use this thread to discuss parential duties give advice ask for advice share experiences etc.

[Na'eemah]

How does one deal with naughty kids? Like the ones who want everything their way and even hit their elders?

And how can you prevent a kid from becoming spolit?

[Al-ghurabah]

How does one deal with naughty kids? Like the ones who want everything their way and even hit their elders?

And how can you prevent a kid from becoming spolit?



Well all kids go through stages.. like terrible two's etc.. they want attention.. alot of the naughtinees is due to attentio nseeking.. secially if there are 2 and younger gets more attention.
also they get usedto getting stuff so know by crying they will get it..

the parents spil the kids.. like me i tend to give my kid sweets etc when ever sheask which is bad..
also if you pamper them too much.. do as they say.
my kids approcahing 2 she likes attention.. and throws tantrams sometimes crying for ages.. hard to control

[Lambo5688]

My neighbors have two kids, and those kids are obedient as becuase their mother used to hit them if they did something really bad. And my other neighbors kids dont even listen to their parents becuase there mother used the "talking" method.

Dont get me wrong, its not like the hitting mother is bad or anything. She is a great person. Its just that she disciplined her kids well.

[Fais]

How does one deal with naughty kids? Like the ones who want everything their way and even hit their elders?

And how can you prevent a kid from becoming spolit?

Do wrestling moves on them :up: ... Always works ... Trust me.

[`asiya]

its all about balance , kids who have behavioural problems usually learn them from the parents, sometimes u wonder which one is the child and which one is the parent, parents need to give their kids boundaries, not give in to the childrens demands, no means no, and u cant give in, if u do the child just see u as weak and a push over and before u know it u have a little 3 year old dictator on your hands show the child the way, and how to behave after all were here to teach them.

sometimes u see parents having little "tantrums" because the kids are playing them up, and the parents start yelling and screaming and carrying on they get all irate and dont remain clam, so of course the kid does the same, kids are just like little sponges, they soak up all that they see around them.

naughty little kids, who may seem cute at two or three, will grow up to be difficult teenagers and thats a lot harder to deal with so best to sort it out when theyre small insha Allah.

most importantly make one on one time for each child every day, dont wait for the kid to come to u seeking attention, because if they have to do that then the only way to get your attention is by being really naughty, many parents just fit their kids in around their lives, and dont devote one on one time to each child,kids need a set bed time, a routine, proper meals clean homes, tidy rooms, all of this helps them to see what is expected of them as they are growing up.

dont leave ur kids with people they hardly know, or palm them off on relatives all the time, i see a lot of mums just dumping their kids here and there, because they want to go out to work or socialise and the poor kids are stuck in some strange place with someone they hardly know, or even a relative but all the kid is thinking is why did mum desert me. :(

and fresh air!! from a very young baby they should be taken out walking everyday in the park or wherever to get fresh air and sunshine, even in the winter wrap em up put a big blanket over the pushchair and get them outside, vitamin d can only be gotten from the sunshine, and absorbed into their sytems and it builds their bones and teeth for the rest of their life, without fresh air and sunshine everyday you`ll not only have a sickly child but a sickly adult later on, plus the bonus is that the fresh air wears them out Alhamdulillah so they wont be grumpy in the day time and will sleep earlier , so then u get more time to put ur feet up and be with ur hubby in the evening :up:

anyway thats my two pence worth and it seemed to work i have two teenages son who are really good to me Alhamdulillah they help me out round the house and bring me cups of tea, and have promised not to put me in the old folks home lol what more can i ask for :D

[Al-ghurabah]

its all about balance , kids who have behavioural problems usually learn them from the parents, sometimes u wonder which one is the child and which one is the parent, parents need to give their kids boundaries, not give in to the childrens demands, no means no, and u cant give in, if u do the child just see u as weak and a push over and before u know it u have a little 3 year old dictator on your hands show the child the way, and how to behave after all were here to teach them.

sometimes u see parents having little "tantrums" because the kids are playing them up, and the parents start yelling and screaming and carrying on they get all irate and dont remain clam, so of course the kid does the same, kids are just like little sponges, they soak up all that they see around them.

naughty little kids, who may seem cute at two or three, will grow up to be difficult teenagers and thats a lot harder to deal with so best to sort it out when theyre small insha Allah.

most importantly make one on one time for each child every day, dont wait for the kid to come to u seeking attention, because if they have to do that then the only way to get your attention is by being really naughty, many parents just fit their kids in around their lives, and dont devote one on one time to each child,kids need a set bed time, a routine, proper meals clean homes, tidy rooms, all of this helps them to see what is expected of them as they are growing up.

dont leave ur kids with people they hardly know, or palm them off on relatives all the time, i see a lot of mums just dumping their kids here and there, because they want to go out to work or socialise and the poor kids are stuck in some strange place with someone they hardly know, or even a relative but all the kid is thinking is why did mum desert me. :(

and fresh air!! from a very young baby they should be taken out walking everyday in the park or wherever to get fresh air and sunshine, even in the winter wrap em up put a big blanket over the pushchair and get them outside, vitamin d can only be gotten from the sunshine, and absorbed into their sytems and it builds their bones and teeth for the rest of their life, without fresh air and sunshine everyday you`ll not only have a sickly child but a sickly adult later on, plus the bonus is that the fresh air wears them out Alhamdulillah so they wont be grumpy in the day time and will sleep earlier , so then u get more time to put ur feet up and be with ur hubby in the evening :up:

anyway thats my two pence worth and it seemed to work i have two teenages son who are really good to me Alhamdulillah they help me out round the house and bring me cups of tea, and have promised not to put me in the old folks home lol what more can i ask for :D


jazaklah kahir for the advice.. yes its cute when they are young my lil one is nearly 2 yrs old soon.. but throws tantrams sometimes hard to manage i take her for a drive and settle her down..
didnt know you had 2 teenage sons.. mashallah you done well if they get you tea etc..

[carol_au]

its all about balance , kids who have behavioural problems usually learn them from the parents, sometimes u wonder which one is the child and which one is the parent, parents need to give their kids boundaries, not give in to the childrens demands, no means no, and u cant give in, if u do the child just see u as weak and a push over and before u know it u have a little 3 year old dictator on your hands show the child the way, and how to behave after all were here to teach them.

sometimes u see parents having little "tantrums" because the kids are playing them up, and the parents start yelling and screaming and carrying on they get all irate and dont remain clam, so of course the kid does the same, kids are just like little sponges, they soak up all that they see around them.

naughty little kids, who may seem cute at two or three, will grow up to be difficult teenagers and thats a lot harder to deal with so best to sort it out when theyre small insha Allah.

most importantly make one on one time for each child every day, dont wait for the kid to come to u seeking attention, because if they have to do that then the only way to get your attention is by being really naughty, many parents just fit their kids in around their lives, and dont devote one on one time to each child,kids need a set bed time, a routine, proper meals clean homes, tidy rooms, all of this helps them to see what is expected of them as they are growing up.

dont leave ur kids with people they hardly know, or palm them off on relatives all the time, i see a lot of mums just dumping their kids here and there, because they want to go out to work or socialise and the poor kids are stuck in some strange place with someone they hardly know, or even a relative but all the kid is thinking is why did mum desert me. :(

and fresh air!! from a very young baby they should be taken out walking everyday in the park or wherever to get fresh air and sunshine, even in the winter wrap em up put a big blanket over the pushchair and get them outside, vitamin d can only be gotten from the sunshine, and absorbed into their sytems and it builds their bones and teeth for the rest of their life, without fresh air and sunshine everyday you`ll not only have a sickly child but a sickly adult later on, plus the bonus is that the fresh air wears them out Alhamdulillah so they wont be grumpy in the day time and will sleep earlier , so then u get more time to put ur feet up and be with ur hubby in the evening :up:

anyway thats my two pence worth and it seemed to work i have two teenages son who are really good to me Alhamdulillah they help me out round the house and bring me cups of tea, and have promised not to put me in the old folks home lol what more can i ask for :D

beautiful sis :) I totally agree with you and likewise my two teenage sons are lovely and deeply respectful people older than themselves, and yet loving and caring towards children younger than themselves. They give me great joy and always have done.

It's all about setting boundaries, showing respect and expecting to be respected and then having fun with them in those boundaries. .. talk to them about all things, specially why you are disciplining them, and make the discipline match the wrong doing.

It's hard work, but it's worth every moment!

[Kal-El]

I got a question..

How would you parents feel if someone close to you, e.g. a friend, a relative, told you how to raise your child by telling you not to do this - or that, and instead to do this, and in this way etc..??

And assuming they were right, and that you were e.g. disclipining your child by roaring at them, would you take it on board or would you turn on them e.g. "dont tell me how to raise my child!"

[carol_au]

I got a question..

How would you parents feel if someone close to you, e.g. a friend, a relative, told you how to raise your child by telling you not to do this - or that, and instead to do this, and in this way etc..??

And assuming they were right, and that you were e.g. disclipining your child by roaring at them, would you take it on board or would you turn on them e.g. "dont tell me how to raise my child!"


Personally I would listen to what they have to say, evaluate it and then if it's reasonable consider it, if it's not I would disregard it politely by just not including it in what I do.

I used to be a counsellor for new mothers, and this was one of the most common problems they faced.. everyone knew how to bring up the baby, how to feed it etc better than she did.. and for new mothers, specially first time ones, it was a real struggle for their self confidence to be told how to raise their child and each time the advice was different.

We told them the same thoughts I have just given you.. and it's true for all ages. You know your baby/ child/teenager better than anyone and insha allah you are asking for guidance in their upbringing. Sometimes Allah does use others and you must listen and take note of the advice, but in the end, it's you who are bringing up your child/children (you being husband as well as wife so I am meaning both here).

[`asiya]

well i dunno kal-el, if people ask for advice them give it, if not stay out of it, because at the end of the day their the ones who are going to have to learn the hard way. People dont appreciate being told their mistakes generally and even the best meant advise can be taken as critisisim when all u want to do is help, so its a tough one to sit by and watch peoples kids playing up, then see the parents doing exactly the same and seeing where the problem may lie , but as Ali radiallahu anh narrated that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu `aleyhi wa sallam said,

" It is part of a man's sound practice of Islam that he leave alone that which is of no concern to him " (At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah) so id stay out of it personally.Allahu alam

[MG]

[quote=Na'ima;1531729]How does one deal with naughty kids? Like the ones who want everything their way and even hit their elders?

if they are already at the stage of hitting their elders, i normally tell them in a very stern voice, how wrong it is to hit people especially elders, if they dont listen, i pass them back toparetns to deal with, cos if they are not mine, i can only advise, i cant do much more than that (altho i would want to!).

If they are yours, and they hit u, i got one question for you , how did u let it even get to this stage ? My lil one isnt like that alhumdulillah but if he was, i would start educating him straightaway about children and their etiqutte towrds elders and their parent in islam until its completely drilled in, this obviously does require alot of sabr intially.


And how can you prevent a kid from becoming spolit?

u can spoil kids, but u must balance it out with discipline as well, i see to many parents who conituously spoil but when it comes to disciplining them , they cant be bothered cos they jus want a quite life or they want the kids out of their way. This is very dangerous becos everything they learn wen young is what they will take with them in adulthood. Jus be strong (not harsh) with disicpline and then u can spoil them as much as u want, there MUST be a limit that they know not to cross.

Last week i feel asleep come mid afternoon (naptime *grin* ) when i woke up, my lil one said "mummy i wanted somemore of that cheesecake, i really did" i said "awwwwww why didnt u wake meu poor thing" he said "becos u were sleeping and i didnt want to disturb you"

wenever im fasting this boy runs to get me dates or water from the kitchen to break my fast, i asked him why does he wnana do it for me? "cos i get lots of rewardf or helping u break ur fast"

:inlove: alhumdulillah this is how kids should be towards their parents (dont get me wrong he aint perfect, he has his moments!) :inlove:

when they are young DRILL islam and its etiquetes into them, its tiresome and sometimes boring but inshallah it pays of (akhi al-ghurabaha stop with those sweets or ill be round !)

[Al-ghurabah]

[quote=Na'ima;1531729]How does one deal with naughty kids? Like the ones who want everything their way and even hit their elders?

if they are already at the stage of hitting their elders, i normally tell them in a very stern voice, how wrong it is to hit people especially elders, if they dont listen, i pass them back toparetns to deal with, cos if they are not mine, i can only advise, i cant do much more than that (altho i would want to!).

If they are yours, and they hit u, i got one question for you , how did u let it even get to this stage ? My lil one isnt like that alhumdulillah but if he was, i would start educating him straightaway about children and their etiqutte towrds elders and their parent in islam until its completely drilled in, this obviously does require alot of sabr intially.


And how can you prevent a kid from becoming spolit?

u can spoil kids, but u must balance it out with discipline as well, i see to many parents who conituously spoil but when it comes to disciplining them , they cant be bothered cos they jus want a quite life or they want the kids out of their way. This is very dangerous becos everything they learn wen young is what they will take with them in adulthood. Jus be strong (not harsh) with disicpline and then u can spoil them as much as u want, there MUST be a limit that they know not to cross.

Last week i feel asleep come mid afternoon (naptime *grin* ) when i woke up, my lil one said "mummy i wanted somemore of that cheesecake, i really did" i said "awwwwww why didnt u wake meu poor thing" he said "becos u were sleeping and i didnt want to disturb you"

wenever im fasting this boy runs to get me dates or water from the kitchen to break my fast, i asked him why does he wnana do it for me? "cos i get lots of rewardfor helping my mummy brak her fast"

:inlove: alhumdulillah this is how kids should be towards their parents:inlove:

allahmdulillah you have good kids.. my nephews are really bad though both parents are practising.. ssiter tries diffrent methods but they go mad sumtimes.. start crying hitting eve nthough they are taught not to hit elders.. sometimes its what they eat/. like my eldest nephew if you give him fizzy drink gets al lexcited runsaround jumps screams goes mad

its not easy as said.. sometimes i get fustrated with the crying and give them what they want.. dont like seeing my lil one cry

[MG]

[quote=muslim girl;1531968]

allahmdulillah you have good kids.. my nephews are really bad though both parents are practising.. ssiter tries diffrent methods but they go mad sumtimes.. start crying hitting eve nthough they are taught not to hit elders.. sometimes its what they eat/. like my eldest nephew if you give him fizzy drink gets al lexcited runsaround jumps screams goes mad

its not easy as said.. sometimes i get fustrated with the crying and give them what they want.. dont like seeing my lil one cry

i wont lie akhi, i sometimes do what u do, jus to get him outta my face and i dont think there is a problem with this, its when some parents resort to that at every opportuity that i feel its wrong , kids are kids and u gotta spoil them sometimes or they are miserable!

in regards to your nephews: i have only one lil one, and thats probably why i found it a lil easier to get him focused, cos he hasnt got anyone to distract him (not that he needs an excuse to be distracted!) i dont really know what techniques your sister is using for her kids so i dont really know what to advise.

I mean wen my nieces adn nephews come round, i defintely notice a change in my lil one, in reagrds to his behaviour, so what i do , in a really enthusiastic voice "lets play schools!!!" , i am the reacher obviously and then tell them to sit how they sit on the floor in school (whihc they love).......and then let the islamic education begin! may allah swt make it easy for your sis ameen.

Dont get me started on fizzy drinks akhi, my lil one morphs into someone else when he has some, so now i hardly give him any.

[Al-ghurabah]

[quote=Al-ghurabah;1531973]

i wont lie akhi, i sometimes do what u do, jus to get him outta my face and i dont think there is a problem with this, its when some parents resort to that at every opportuity that i feel its wrong , kids are kids and u gotta spoil them sometimes or they are miserable!

in regards to your nephews: i have only one lil one, and thats probably why i found it a lil easier to get him focused, cos he hasnt got anyone to distract him (not that he needs an excuse to be distracted!) i dont really know what techniques your sister is using for her kids so i dont really know what to advise.

I mean wen my nieces adn nephews come round, i defintely notice a change in my lil one, in reagrds to his behaviour, so what i do , in a really enthusiastic voice "lets play schools!!!" , i am the reacher obviously and then tell them to sit how they sit on the floor in school (whihc they love).......and then let the islamic education begin! may allah swt make it easy for your sis ameen.

Dont get me started on fizzy drinks akhi, my lil one morphs into someone else when he has some, so now i hardly give him any.


my sis is a teacher aswel she has 4 kids all one after the next if they are alone then they seem ok when older one is there they go mad.. my kid plays on her own etc.. assoon as my nephews neice comes its crying cos they take her toys etc..
yeah fizzy drinks is crazy its like some drug weird how they get so affected by it..

guess also mothers are more paient with kids its how allah made us ..

[MG]

[quote=muslim girl;1532002]


my sis is a teacher aswel she has 4 kids all one after the next if they are alone then they seem ok when older one is there they go mad.. my kid plays on her own etc.. assoon as my nephews neice comes its crying cos they take her toys etc..
yeah fizzy drinks is crazy its like some drug weird how they get so affected by it..

guess also mothers are more paient with kids its how allah made us ..

mashallah at 4, tell her to pass them to me :inlove:

i can understand how she mustfind it difficult with 4. I think wen kids are young, mothers dealwith them better, but as they get older the dad kinda has more influence and techinques to deal with son or daughtr

[neelu]

I want to one day get married and have a family of my own inshallah. It's very doubtful that I'd want to work after starting a family because I'd want to mainly focus my time and attention on the family inshallah. I know that it's very important for parents to spend time with kids and all that, but my question is: what do you parents do in order to get any time or privacy as a couple? I've seen some couples really drift apart after having kids because they have so little quality time together and I don't want that to happen to me:(

[scribble]

What is a kid? As in how long does a person stay a kid before they're grown ups?

.... :scratch:

[Na'eemah]

What is a kid? As in how long does a person stay a kid before they're grown ups?

.... :scratch:

I was referring to a two year old if that helps?

I think a kid is someone who is like primary school age and under. Like 2-11.

[scribble]

I was referring to a two year old if that helps?

I think a kid is someone who is like primary school age and under. Like 2-11.

Jazakallah. :up:

[`asiya]

I want to one day get married and have a family of my own inshallah. It's very doubtful that I'd want to work after starting a family because I'd want to mainly focus my time and attention on the family inshallah. I know that it's very important for parents to spend time with kids and all that, but my question is: what do you parents do in order to get any time or privacy as a couple? I've seen some couples really drift apart after having kids because they have so little quality time together and I don't want that to happen to me:(

well i think that comes down to good parenting and having a routine for the children, set bedtime, meal times etc. cos from about age 4 months the baby is sleeping right through the night and not waking up for middle of the night feeds anymore so its really only this first few months that ur on demand,as it were. after that dads at work most of the day anyway insha Allah, so when he comes home u have dinner little playtime with the kids, then they get bathed, stories and a cuddle etc. and go to bed then u have the whole evening to yourselves from about 8pm onwards ( and not till they get to about 10 years old are they going to bed any later than that insha Allah so u have years of evenings together insha Allah). And weekends are family time if hes not working insha Allah, so kids can all enjoy special time with dad too so i think its not an issue unless ur disorganised and have no routine for the kids Allahu alam.