View Full Version : Another Question for the Sisters
islamirama
23-12-06, 06:40 PM
I saw lot of dissing of bros and shoes flying in the previous question on polygamy. Know that what you hate is what Allah has ordained lawful and a right of the men.
Now lets see if we can be mature and answer this question...
Let's say your husband did marry again. Would you ever co-habit or do you want your own place? also, how would you treat any kids he has from that wife?
I would have to have my own place, as the wives of rasoolAllah salallahu alleyhi wa salam had their own apartments too, it is just wrong in terms of ettiquette to expect a woman to share with another wife,there would be no privacy for them if they all have to share the same place for sleeping..and thats outside of Islamic hyaat to expect otherwise in my opinion. each wife should have her own quarters,sleeping place, cooking place etc, (and again in my opinion brothers youd be crazy to expect two wives to share a kitchen thats really asking for trouble...remember what Aisha radiallahu anha did when zainab radiallahu anha sent a bowl of food over to Aisha`s apartment for the visiting sahabbas radiallahu ahum ... oh oh lol masha Allah )
As for the children of his other wives i would love them as my own, i would love to see my husband having more kids with his other wives insha Allah everytime u looked at them youd see a part of your husband staring back at you masha Allah, and that would be lovely, and the kids of his other wives would be free to call my home their home too id love them as my own children and they could come and go as they pleased. polygamy is great masha Allah should be more of it insha Allah :up:
sunrise
23-12-06, 06:50 PM
I saw lot of dissing of bros and shoes flying in the previous question on polygamy. Know that what you hate is what Allah has ordained lawful and a right of the men.
Now lets see if we can be mature and answer this question...
Let's say your husband did marry again. Would you ever co-habit or do you want your own place? also, how would you treat any kids he has from that wife?
Salam to be honest i think it would be better if they had their own place to avoid conflict and islamically they are allowed i think it would be for the best.
And as for how to treat the kids well they are only kids and they didn't do anything wrong and nor did he. So inshAllah the best i can just like my own kids because they are a part of him and inshAllah the more sabr the sister has the better
Sunrise
islamirama
23-12-06, 06:56 PM
Jazakallahu khairen for your thoughts.
Just want to clarify something. By cohabit i mean live in the same house rather then separate. But have like dived into two. Like having two house connected to each other with a courtyard in middle and one entrance from outside to the courtyard, from there you make left or right depending on whose turn is it to host you :D.
Hope that makes sense....
Na'eemah
23-12-06, 06:59 PM
The wife is entitled to separate housing so I would expect him to provide separate housing!
as long as i had my own front door and no adjoining door through my house,to his other wives house, id be happy ~ like being next door neighbours. Or the bros could build a four storey apartment so each wife has a flat to herself on each floor of the building saves him travelling so much then and better for the kids cos dads always close by insha Allah.
muslimah85
23-12-06, 07:00 PM
depending on whose turn is it to host you :D.
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islamirama
23-12-06, 07:11 PM
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well islamically you have to take turns, one day this house and one day that house. So it's like your the guest and she's the house owner :D
thinker.
23-12-06, 07:19 PM
just a thought
don't you think you should be asking the sister your going to be married to?
I mean fair enough you may just want to know what sisters think, but that 'opinion' will be of the individual sisters here, and the same view will not necessarily be the same as your prospective wife’s
If you think the questions are abused and that the sisters don’t seem to answer realistically then no point wasting your time in making the thread if it will later result in a ‘gender war’ which will just mean another CLOSED topic.
I think its important for the brother and sister to know what Islam permits and prohibits the wife from doing in these situations.
Then it should be agreed between you both that you’ll adhere to the Islamic rulings on these certain things, that way you cannot argue or come to face a conflict!
islamirama
23-12-06, 07:23 PM
just a thought
don't you think you should be asking the sister your going to be married to?
I mean fair enough you may just want to know what sisters think, but that 'opinion' will be of the individual sisters here, and the same view will not necessarily be the same as your prospective wife’s
If you think the questions are abused and that the sisters don’t seem to answer realistically then no point wasting your time in making the thread if it will later result in a ‘gender war’ which will just mean another CLOSED topic.
I think its important for the brother and sister to know what Islam permits and prohibits the wife from doing in these situations.
Then it should be agreed between you both that you’ll adhere to the Islamic rulings on these certain things, that way you cannot argue or come to face a conflict!
There's nothing wrong in asking the crowd what they think. I didn't see you speak up in "questions for bothers" thread with this same post. Anyways, these questions are to see what the mind frame of today's Muslimah/muslims is. To see what they think on such a topic, we already know what the adults thought of it.
Nusayba bint Ka'b
23-12-06, 08:27 PM
I dont know..
islamirama
23-12-06, 08:35 PM
I dont know..
Then who does?
i think it depends what ure like then...
now? maybe no..
Nusayba bint Ka'b
23-12-06, 08:37 PM
Then who does?
I don't know if I want to imagine myself being a co-wife...
abdalmajid
23-12-06, 10:16 PM
I would have to have my own place, as the wives of rasoolAllah salallahu alleyhi wa salam had their own apartments too, it is just wrong in terms of ettiquette to expect a woman to share with another wife,there would be no privacy for them if they all have to share the same place for sleeping..and thats outside of Islamic hyaat to expect otherwise in my opinion. each wife should have her own quarters,sleeping place, cooking place etc, (and again in my opinion brothers youd be crazy to expect two wives to share a kitchen thats really asking for trouble...remember what Aisha radiallahu anha did when zainab radiallahu anha sent a bowl of food over to Aisha`s apartment for the visiting sahabbas radiallahu ahum ... oh oh lol masha Allah )
As for the children of his other wives i would love them as my own, i would love to see my husband having more kids with his other wives insha Allah everytime u looked at them youd see a part of your husband staring back at you masha Allah, and that would be lovely, and the kids of his other wives would be free to call my home their home too id love them as my own children and they could come and go as they pleased. polygamy is great masha Allah should be more of it insha Allah :up:
Salaam my dear sister
Mashallah what a beautiful reply to the question at hand.
Only if more of our sisters took this position and knew what the Deen of Allah (swt) says.
How comes that we all seem to practice and all seem to have knowledge of Islam and we say that we follow the Sunnah but only in things we like?
Subhanallahi wa be hamdih
Subhanallahi al azim
Wa Salaam
Your brother
Abdal Majid Ibn Muhammad Shafi
Salaam my dear sister
Mashallah what a beautiful reply to the question at hand.
Only if more of our sisters took this position and knew what the Deen of Allah (swt) says.
How comes that we all seem to practice and all seem to have knowledge of Islam and we say that we follow the Sunnah but only in things we like?
Subhanallahi wa be hamdih
Subhanallahi al azim
Wa Salaam
Your brother
Abdal Majid Ibn Muhammad Shafi
To my knowledge, one does not need to like Polygamy let alone accept a polygamous marriage. And to be honest with you, modern-day Polygamy in many areas, nothing to shout about to say the least.
And there's nothing wrong in women not wanting such a marriage, anyone who implies otherwise is simply lacking coherence in their thought process.
P.S. That's me thinking you were talking about Polygamy :coolbro:
To my knowledge, one does not need to like Polygamy let alone accept a polygamous marriage. And to be honest with you, modern-day Polygamy in many areas, nothing to shout about to say the least.
And there's nothing wrong in women not wanting such a marriage, anyone who implies otherwise is simply lacking coherence in their thought process.
P.S. That's me thinking you were talking about Polygamy :coolbro:
erm
are u tryng to get into some womans good books...:rubeyes:
I now have a question of my own, and it's directed to those who do not mind in marrying into a Polygamous relationship.
If you had an offer from two men, both identical in every possible way you can imagine, yet one was intended to have other wives (or already had a wife), and the other man was only interested in one wife; you, which would you choose.
Or would you care so less, that you would flick e.g. a coin to judge?
erm
are u tryng to get into some womans good books...:rubeyes:
No. But I've had very nice rep comments from fellow sisters regarding the issue
obviously i wud choose the one that intends to only have me n thats it ONLYYYY meee moiii ...finitoo!
that wasnt hard:up:
No. But I've had very nice rep comments from fellow sisters regarding the issue
i was only jokin brother:p
obviously i wud choose the one that intends to only have me n thats it ONLYYYY meee moiii ...finitoo!
that wasnt hard:up:
I think it's safe for me to assume that the majority of women agree with you on that; however it's come to my notice that some speak of Polygamy as if it's better and more preferable to them, than a conventional marriage, union between two people.
I just wanted them to confirm my opinions..
I think it's safe for me to assume that the majority of women agree with you on that; however it's come to my notice that some speak of Polygamy as if it's better and more preferable to them, than a conventional marriage, union between two people.
I just wanted them to confirm my opinions..
eww nahh
gosh..my husbands UNdivided attention..subhanALlah what can better? unless its a marriage of convenience.:D
Realistically speaking, what attracts people to marriage is the idea of having someone to love and someone to love you back; truly having a companion whom you can call "my wife / my husband".
If any sister can think that she can work in a polygamous relationship where there can be up to 4 other wives to share the attention and love of their husband (not necessarily equally), then she deserves alot of respect!
If that is a sister's idea of "marriage", then who are we to make comments?
But I just don't believe or accept that the vast vast majority of women, or specifically Muslim sisters, have that idea of a marriage - and yet, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Polygamy is a choice, it does not give you premium status in society or in a culture, it does not give you more satisfaction than a conventional marriage would, yet I can argue too that it does not give you less satisfaction but lets be realistic here, rarely any women shouts out for it as loud she would for a good husband who could love her.
It's the most intriguing discussion type on Ummah.com :up:
I saw lot of dissing of bros and shoes flying in the previous question on polygamy. Know that what you hate is what Allah has ordained lawful and a right of the men.
Now lets see if we can be mature and answer this question...
Let's say your husband did marry again. Would you ever co-habit or do you want your own place? also, how would you treat any kids he has from that wife?
I wouldn't allow him to get married again. If he refuses to listen and still chooses to, that leaves me no option but to file for a divorce.
I wouldn't allow him to get married again. If he refuses to listen and still chooses to, that leaves me no option but to file for a divorce.
wow:D
Masumah
23-12-06, 11:33 PM
I saw lot of dissing of bros and shoes flying in the previous question on polygamy. Know that what you hate is what Allah has ordained lawful and a right of the men.
Now lets see if we can be mature and answer this question...
Let's say your husband did marry again. Would you ever co-habit or do you want your own place? also, how would you treat any kids he has from that wife?
i wud want my own place like the prophet (saw) wives did....and his other children wud be like my very own for they wud be the brothers and sisters of my children :)
islamirama
23-12-06, 11:34 PM
Why don't you go start your own thread, I'm not interested in what you have to say. Most Muslims marry one wife only, most women want one husband only or they die of jealousy. Islam sets forth strict guidelines and criteria to fulfil first before taking on another wife. Even Allah says in the book marry 1, 2 ,3 or 4 but if you FEAR that you will not treat them equally then marry ONE.
The women who hate polygamy and talk so bad of it are ignorant and fail to realize they are hating what Allah has allowed and given men as a right. They are resenting Allah and His rulings by hating what He does not hate. If a girl wants only one wife (herself) then she can discuss beforehand. we don't need to see them go on panic attack.
And now for those sincere sisters out there who don't mind sticking to the topic and question. We like to hear what their thoughts are on the question.
P.s. mashallah great reply by sister asiya, even if you don't want polygamy sisters, at least have the decency to respect it and its halaalness.
Masumah
23-12-06, 11:34 PM
I wouldn't allow him to get married again. If he refuses to listen and still chooses to, that leaves me no option but to file for a divorce.
A divorce is ur choice u are entitled to it but u ave no rite to deny him a second marriage since that rite has been grnated to Him by Allah.
islamirama
23-12-06, 11:37 PM
I wouldn't allow him to get married again. If he refuses to listen and still chooses to, that leaves me no option but to file for a divorce.
I suggest you check with the scholars first on that, to demand divorce without proper islamic justification is quite bad. There's a hadith about such women as well. If someone doesn't want polygamy, they better have the brains to discuss it with future hubby beforehand.
I suggest you check with the scholars first on that, to demand divorce without proper islamic justification is quite bad. There's a hadith about such women as well. If someone doesn't want polygamy, they better have the brains to discuss it with future hubby beforehand.
shes saying what she would do. not what is by islam. please guys shes giving HER opinion. have a snack n some coke.
RashidD
23-12-06, 11:40 PM
MashaAllah to some of the replies on this thread namely sisters 'asiya and Masumah - if i left anyone out then forgive me please :)
P.s. mashallah great reply by sister asiya, even if you don't want polygamy sisters, at least have the decency to respect it and its halaalness.
Well said MashaAllah :up:
Why don't you go start your own thread, I'm not interested in what you have to say. Most Muslims marry one wife only, most women want one husband only or they die of jealousy. Islam sets forth strict guidelines and criteria to fulfil first before taking on another wife. Even Allah says in the book marry 1, 2 ,3 or 4 but if you FEAR that you will not treat them equally then marry ONE.
The women who hate polygamy and talk so bad of it are ignorant and fail to realize they are hating what Allah has allowed and given men as a right. They are resenting Allah and His rulings by hating what He does not hate. If a girl wants only one wife (herself) then she can discuss beforehand. we don't need to see them go on panic attack.
And now for those sincere sisters out there who don't mind sticking to the topic and question. We like to hear what their thoughts are on the question.
P.s. mashallah great reply by sister asiya, even if you don't want polygamy sisters, at least have the decency to respect it and its halaalness.
I dont think it's as simple as them hating "what Allah has ordained halal". I'll try to explain why I don't think that's the case.
Firstly, you are implying that if a woman does not "like" Polygamy, then she is not liking what Allah has ordained. In fact, you even said it was a law? It's not a law sister, it's an option for men to have. If it was law, then all men would have to do it and thus become compulsory, and therefore no room for opinions.
But, there is room for opinions. Although Allah has allowed men to do this, he has ALSO allowed women to refuse. Why would he allow that? Because it's common sense that naturally, no one wants to share another person and that emotionally this can be unbearable and thus lead to unhappiness. Marriage is not meant to be a religious symbol of unhappiness sister, it is meant to be the opposite and thus women have that choice to choose which man they will spend their lives with and if they want to spend it with other women too.
Polygamy in the context of the Quran and the hadiths from which I have read the translations, is that of a positive context, that of the man helping a sister, showing compassion to take her in and support her - give her hope and ambitions in life. However, the nobility in that context has been flushed throughout centuries of cultural backwash to the point where Polygamy is now seen in negative light solely because of the primal reason why men choose to get into it.
If that nobility still existed, then you would find alot more women willing to not only accept Polygamy as something good, but also willing to get into a marriage based on it.
But a woman who refuses this type of relationship is not questioning Allah subhanallah, she is not making a mockery of what Allah has ordained halal - in fact, if you wanna look at anyone who is making a mockery of it, direct yourself to the men who abuse this right for their own sexual desires. A woman who refuses polygamy, is firstly excercising her own right - which Allah has also given her in this subject - to refuse it for whatever reason she may have, right or wrong. And a woman who speaks of Polygamy in a negative text, is not painting Allah's words in dirt, she is only reflecting the realistic situation that Polygamy has mainly become in alot of cultures and societies unfortunately.
It has ravished lands to be seen as a cause of unhappiness for married women, whether that unhappiness was based on intense jealousy or something else, it has gotten a bad reputation. Whether that opinion is justified or not, is not for me to say here. And this opinion, or belief now, hasn't happened over night. It has happened for decades, centuries but now it's being bought forward.
Unfortunately, the good men who are interested in the right type (IMO) of Polygamy are rejected and made jokes of simply because they were interested in helping and treating unfortunate women to a better life. That is the sad part of this.
I'm sorry if I've blabbered, I do understand the reason why you are keen to defend Polygamy, but dont let that determination cloud your judgement on why women refuse, and also don't "like" Polygamy. They have a reason, and they have a right to choose what type of marriage and relationship with their husband they want. And they are also free to speak of why they have made such decisions.
A Muslimah who refuses a Polygamous marriage is no better, and no worst, than one that accepts it.
A divorce is ur choice u are entitled to it but u ave no rite to deny him a second marriage since that rite has been grnated to Him by Allah.
Islam does not impose polygamy as a universal practice. The Prophet Muhammad himself was a monogamist for 25 years, till Khadija died.
A husband should not choose to marry another wife for no particular reason. For instance polygamy occurs in times of war when there are large numbers of widow’s whose husbands have been killed fighting. This I don't mind.
The husband also has to provide their wives with the same standard of living and the same care and kindness, which people normally, show to their wives.
I believe that Islam highly discourages the marriage of multiple wives for many reasons – because the husband cannot be fair, polygamy is only allowed when the male species is endangered in a society; and even the Quran orders men to marry only one wife if they feel that they will not be fair.
The reality is that some Muslims in poor countries take advantage of the fact that they can have multiple wives…..bringing more and more illiterate and poor kids into the society which on the long run will only keep their entire society below the level of poverty. Therefore, unless we have social or personal dilemmas where too many Muslim men were lost, then polygamy should not be allowed nor justified in my Islamic view.
As for the wife, she has every right to refuse. She is married to him and if Islam says yes to equal treatment of women and men, then if she doesn't agree to it, he should listen to her. He doesn't have to marry 4 women if he isn't required to. It depends on the situation. Having multiple wives just for the sake of it is absolutely ridiculous!
Masumah
24-12-06, 12:01 AM
Islam does not impose polygamy as a universal practice. The Prophet Muhammad himself was a monogamist for 25 years, till Khadija died.
A husband should not choose to marry another wife for no particular reason. For instance polygamy occurs in times of war when there are large numbers of widow’s whose husbands have been killed fighting. This I don't mind.
The husband also has to provide their wives with the same standard of living and the same care and kindness, which people normally, show to their wives.
I believe that Islam highly discourages the marriage of multiple wives for many reasons – because the husband cannot be fair, polygamy is only allowed when the male species is endangered in a society; and even the Quran orders men to marry only one wife if they feel that they will not be fair.
The reality is that some Muslims in poor countries take advantage of the fact that they can have multiple wives…..bringing more and more illiterate and poor kids into the society which on the long run will only keep their entire society below the level of poverty. Therefore, unless we have social or personal dilemmas where too many Muslim men were lost, then polygamy should not be allowed nor justified in my Islamic view.
As for the wife, she has every right to refuse. She is married to him and if Islam says yes to equal treatment of women and men, then if she doesn't agree to it, he should listen to her. He doesn't have to marry 4 women if he isn't required to. It depends on the situation. Having multiple wives just for the sake of it is absolutely ridiculous!
wot u say is true..however if the husband wishes to it is allowed for him to ave another wife..also he can keep his second marriage a secret from his first wife.
wot u say is true..however if the husband wishes to it is allowed for him to ave another wife..also he can keep his second marriage a secret from his first wife.
I really can’t believe I’m reading this. Are you being serious?
wot u say is true..however if the husband wishes to it is allowed for him to ave another wife..also he can keep his second marriage a secret from his first wife.
erm can he? :S
Masumah
24-12-06, 12:03 AM
i will find u the link inshAllah :)
i will find u the link inshAllah :)
yeah please..somehow i dont agree with that. it can cause problems with kids as well. and its not fair either.
wot u say is true..however if the husband wishes to it is allowed for him to ave another wife..also he can keep his second marriage a secret from his first wife.
There is nothing in the Quran that says he must tell his other wife that he is married to another.
But doing anything to harm your marriage, such as secrets in this context, is not exactly in-line with how a husband is meant to treat his wife (or wives).
Better to tell her, and build on that relationship than to have her find out that you married again, and lied to her by not telling her. That would certainly cause her to rethink her value in that marriage.
No one would gain anything, only lose.
But the marriages that I know of like this; the men don't tell their wives for fear that they will want a divorce or become problem-some, so they keep it a secret and come home some nights to their eager wife, and then spend other nights with their other eager wife.
Productive for them.
There is nothing in the Quran that says he must tell his other wife that he is married to another.
But doing anything to harm your marriage, such as secrets in this context, is not exactly in-line with how a husband is meant to treat his wife (or wives).
Better to tell her, and build on that relationship than to have her find out that you married again, and lied to her by not telling her. That would certainly cause her to rethink her value in that marriage.
No one would gain anything, only lose.
exactly!
Masumah
24-12-06, 12:06 AM
i cannot fidn the link at the moment..but plz let me elaborate further..its not recomended at all that he keeps it a secret..for the hurt it wil cause once the wife discovers it..infact the man is recomended to first discuss with his wife his intentions fo a seond marriage...however under certain special circumstances..his marriage can be kept a secret
yeah please..somehow i dont agree with that. it can cause problems with kids as well. and its not fair either.
I don’t think sister Masumah should even bother. What she said goes against all the rulings on Islamic marriage. I’m surprised that some Muslim sisters even think this way. A man can have a second wife without telling his first wife? What?! He shouldn't have a second wife in the first place if it's not needed and if his reason isn't valid enough...
Masumah
24-12-06, 12:08 AM
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
FATWA DEPT.
According to Shari'a, a Muslim male may have four wives simultaneously with
the condition of maintaining equality among all his wives. Therefore, in
principle, you can remarry without divorcing your wife.
However, in order to avoid bitter feelings to your present wife, you should
first discuss your intentions of remarrying with wisdom. That will save you
from the negative consequences fo betrayal, etc. being possibly expressed by
her upon her discovering your secret remarriage.
Some men will not discuss this with their current wives for the same reason as not telling them they already had married without her knowledge.
It's common sense, i'm surprised people didn't know?
islamirama
24-12-06, 12:10 AM
I dont think it's as simple as them hating "what Allah has ordained halal". I'll try to explain why I don't think that's the case.
Firstly, you are implying that if a woman does not "like" Polygamy, then she is not liking what Allah has ordained. In fact, you even said it was a law? It's not a law sister, it's an option for men to have. If it was law, then all men would have to do it and thus become compulsory, and therefore no room for opinions.
But, there is room for opinions. Although Allah has allowed men to do this, he has ALSO allowed women to refuse. Why would he allow that? Because it's common sense that naturally, no one wants to share another person and that emotionally this can be unbearable and thus lead to unhappiness. Marriage is not meant to be a religious symbol of unhappiness sister, it is meant to be the opposite and thus women have that choice to choose which man they will spend their lives with and if they want to spend it with other women too.
Polygamy in the context of the Quran and the hadiths from which I have read the translations, is that of a positive context, that of the man helping a sister, showing compassion to take her in and support her - give her hope and ambitions in life. However, the nobility in that context has been flushed throughout centuries of cultural backwash to the point where Polygamy is now seen in negative light solely because of the primal reason why men choose to get into it.
If that nobility still existed, then you would find alot more women willing to not only accept Polygamy as something good, but also willing to get into a marriage based on it.
But a woman who refuses this type of relationship is not questioning Allah subhanallah, she is not making a mockery of what Allah has ordained halal - in fact, if you wanna look at anyone who is making a mockery of it, direct yourself to the men who abuse this right for their own sexual desires. A woman who refuses polygamy, is firstly excercising her own right - which Allah has also given her in this subject - to refuse it for whatever reason she may have, right or wrong. And a woman who speaks of Polygamy in a negative text, is not painting Allah's words in dirt, she is only reflecting the realistic situation that Polygamy has mainly become in alot of cultures and societies unfortunately.
It has ravished lands to be seen as a cause of unhappiness for married women, whether that unhappiness was based on intense jealousy or something else, it has gotten a bad reputation. And this hasn't happened over night sister. It has happened for decades, centuries but now it's being bought forward.
Unfortunately, the good men who are interested in the right type (IMO) of Polygamy are rejected and made jokes of simply because they were interested in helping and treating unfortunate women to a better life. That is the sad part of this.
Like i said, go start another thread on polygamy, i'm not interested discussing it here. This thread is for only one purpose, and that is to answer the question i put forth.
Do not get defensive here. I've already stated what Allah says in the quran and the obligation of fulfilling the criteria to marry again. And no, a women refusing polygamy is not practicing her own right because she is denying the right of the husband. He does not even her permission because that has already been given by Allah. Polygamy does not have to be in time of war or any other special case. If a husband wants an other wife either because he has more needs or just because its sunnah and allowed and or he wants to have more kids then he has every right to do so.
It's like a bro asking a sister to take her hijab off, i don't want my wife to hijabi. we don't care what you want, Allah commanded her to do hijab and its her right. Likewise, Allah gave men permission to marry, regardless of what women say. If you have issues with it then talk b4 marriage and don't cry about it later.
Bottom line, polygamy is allowed so long as the guy fulfills his islamic duties towards the first wife and qualifies (financially, emotionally, mentally,etc) to have another.
Now about you defensive squad go start your own thread about polygamy and let the people get back to my question!
shes saying what she would do. not what is by islam. please guys shes giving HER opinion. have a snack n some coke.
Well opinions or not, we still need to see what islam says about our actions. If she will divorce in HER opinion then she needs to see what ISLAM's opinion is first. now go have a snack n coke...
Some men will not discuss this with their current wives for the same reason as not telling them they already had married without her knowledge.
It's common sense, i'm surprised people didn't know?
oh is it now?not evryone is as clever as you.
Like i said, go start another thread on polygamy, i'm not interested discussing it here. This thread is for only one purpose, and that is to answer the question i put forth.
Do not get defensive here. I've already stated what Allah says in the quran and the obligation of fulfilling the criteria to marry again. And no, a women refusing polygamy is not practicing her own right because she is denying the right of the husband. He does not even her permission because that has already been given by Allah. Polygamy does not have to be in time of war or any other special case. If a husband wants an other wife either because he has more needs or just because its sunnah and allowed and or he wants to have more kids then he has every right to do so.
It's like a bro asking a sister to take her hijab off, i don't want my wife to hijabi. we don't care what you want, Allah commanded her to do hijab and its her right. Likewise, Allah gave men permission to marry, regardless of what women say. If you have issues with it then talk b4 marriage and don't cry about it later.
Bottom line, polygamy is allowed so long as the guy fulfills his islamic duties towards the first wife and qualifies (financially, emotionally, mentally,etc) to have another.
Now about you defensive squad go start your own thread about polygamy and let the people get back to my question!
Well opinions or not, we still need to see what islam says about our actions. If she will divorce in HER opinion then she needs to see what ISLAM's opinion is first. now go have a snack n coke...
i think someone already gave an islamic opinion.:up:
Like i said, go start another thread on polygamy, i'm not interested discussing it here. This thread is for only one purpose, and that is to answer the question i put forth.
Do not get defensive here. I've already stated what Allah says in the quran and the obligation of fulfilling the criteria to marry again. And no, a women refusing polygamy is not practicing her own right because she is denying the right of the husband. He does not even her permission because that has already been given by Allah. Polygamy does not have to be in time of war or any other special case. If a husband wants an other wife either because he has more needs or just because its sunnah and allowed and or he wants to have more kids then he has every right to do so.
It's like a bro asking a sister to take her hijab off, i don't want my wife to hijabi. we don't care what you want, Allah commanded her to do hijab and its her right. Likewise, Allah gave men permission to marry, regardless of what women say. If you have issues with it then talk b4 marriage and don't cry about it later.
Bottom line, polygamy is allowed so long as the guy fulfills his islamic duties towards the first wife and qualifies (financially, emotionally, mentally,etc) to have another.
Now about you defensive squad go start your own thread about polygamy and let the people get back to my question!
Well opinions or not, we still need to see what islam says about our actions. If she will divorce in HER opinion then she needs to see what ISLAM's opinion is first. now go have a snack n coke...
I think you misunderstood me. A sister is allowed to refuse to accept a marriage, meaning she can also refuse to accept one based on Polygamy.
I wasn't referring to married women; because they dont have the right to deny their husbands in marrying another wife.
I think there are several threads on this subject actually, but it seems that this thread is turning towards such a direction.
It's an excellent discussion, your thread (if this is yours) has become even better!
oh is it now?not evryone is as clever as you.
I think that was sarcasm...?
Am I right? I am aren't I? :D
Can I have my gold star now pretty please
Well opinions or not, we still need to see what islam says about our actions. If she will divorce in HER opinion then she needs to see what ISLAM's opinion is first. now go have a snack n coke...
Not in MY opinion....ALL Muslim women whose husbands choose to marry without their consent should file for a divorce. This shows that their husbands have no respect for them whatsoever. They should both agree to it.
I'm going to say once again, if he doesn't HAVE A VALID REASON for having a second wife he should NOT marry. Men who take advantage of the fact that they can have multiple wives...disgust me.
I think that was sarcasm...?
Am I right? I am aren't I? :D
Can I have my gold star now pretty please
get over ureself.
get over ureself.
:rubeyes:
I'm getting the bro's on you! :freedom:
.......................
Comes back minutes later with his crew..
:coolbro::coolbro::coolbro: :coolbro::coolbro: :coolbro::coolbro: "Ello ello ello...what do we 'ave ere then"
islamirama
24-12-06, 12:21 AM
I think you misunderstood me. A sister is allowed to refuse to accept a marriage, meaning she can also refuse to accept one based on Polygamy.
I wasn't referring to married women; because they dont have the right to deny their husbands in marrying another wife.
I think there are several threads on this subject actually, but it seems that this thread is turning towards such a direction.
It's an excellent discussion, your thread (if this is yours) has become even better!
Yes, it's my thread and i don' appreciate it being hijacked by paranoid sisters who want monogamous marraige only. Funny i didn't see any guys trip when "another questoin for brothers" thread started.
So how about we stick to my question and like i said in in my original question, let's be mature about it please.
I don’t think sister Masumah should even bother. What she said goes against all the rulings on Islamic marriage. I’m surprised that some Muslim sisters even think this way. A man can have a second wife without telling his first wife? What?! He shouldn't have a second wife in the first place if it's not needed and if his reason isn't valid enough...
I think you should stop right there before attacking her any further. Apparently you lack the islamic knowledge on this topic. He does not HAVE to tell his first wife nor seek her permission. It is RECOMMENDED that he talk with his first wife and discuss with her for the sake of keeping his first marriage peaceful and as trouble free as he can. For a women who would divorce a guy for marrying again, we can see u are quite against this. No one is forcing you to go with it, discuss it with your mate and even have it as a condition in the nikkah contract. But don't accuse others of islamic ignorance when you don't know yourself what islamic ruling is on such matters.
:rubeyes:
I'm getting the bro's on you! :freedom:
.......................
Comes back minutes later with his crew..
:coolbro::coolbro::coolbro: :coolbro::coolbro: :coolbro::coolbro: "Ello ello ello...what do we 'ave ere then"
keep on dreaming.
Masumah
24-12-06, 12:22 AM
Not in MY opinion....ALL Muslim women whose husbands choose to marry without their consent should file for a divorce. This shows that their husbands have no respect for them whatsoever. They should both agree to it.
I'm going to say once again, if he doesn't HAVE A VALID REASON for having a second wife he should NOT marry. Men who take advantage of the fact that they can have multiple wives...disgust me.
Nobody wud ever take such a big step without a valid reason
Kubra and Islamirama; people here need to realise that no one here is stupid. For a discussion about a religious subject to get personal shows only that both have very strong views on the matter.
Perhaps it's better if you both agree that you have misunderstood each other and alot was lost in translation.
Islamirama, in my opinion, has focused on the technicality of what Islam has prescribed in relation to Polygamy. Kubra, in my opinion, is going further into the details and drawing up certain possible scenario's which would be serious, and also interesting considering what Islam also says about such scenario's.
Erm, I'm gonna go to bed now.
islamirama
24-12-06, 12:27 AM
Not in MY opinion....ALL Muslim women whose husbands choose to marry without their consent should file for a divorce. This shows that their husbands have no respect for them whatsoever. They should both agree to it.
I'm going to say once again, if he doesn't HAVE A VALID REASON for having a second wife he should NOT marry. Men who take advantage of the fact that they can have multiple wives...disgust me.
Woman! you need to go get some sense knocked into you. Did you have a personal experience that's making you so agitated or are you a feminist?
He does NOT need her permission and they both do NOT need to agree on it. She does not have say in it, he got his permission from Allah and so who is she to forbid him. IF she wants a say, then have her say BEFORE marriage.
I"m going to say once again, all he has to do is FULFILL the islamic criteria (just ask us what that is already!) then he can marry as many as he wants, even if he wants to take the advantage of having allowed multiple wives.
apparently you have issues girl, so about you start your thread on polygamy and i'll go share my thoughts with you on that thread. you are on the WRONG thread.
Masumah
24-12-06, 12:28 AM
Kubra and Islamirama; people here need to realise that no one here is stupid. For a discussion about a religious subject to get personal shows only that both have very strong views on the matter.
Perhaps it's better if you both agree that you have misunderstood each other and alot was lost in translation.
Islamirama, in my opinion, has focused on the technicality of what Islam has prescribed in relation to Polygamy. Kubra, in my opinion, is going further into the details and drawing up certain possible scenario's which would be serious, and also interesting considering what Islam also says about such scenario's.
Erm, I'm gonna go to bed now.
Gud nite :)
I think you should stop right there before attacking her any further. Apparently you lack the islamic knowledge on this topic. He does not HAVE to tell his first wife nor seek her permission. It is RECOMMENDED that he talk with his first wife and discuss with her for the sake of keeping his first marriage peaceful and as trouble free as he can. For a women who would divorce a guy for marrying again, we can see u are quite against this. No one is forcing you to go with it, discuss it with your mate and even have it as a condition in the nikkah contract. But don't accuse others of islamic ignorance when you don't know yourself what islamic ruling is on such matters.
Take a deep breath sister.
What's the point of a marriage if both partners can't agree on a certain thing? As far as I know a husband should ask his wife if she is okay with another lady in the house. If she refuses, he should respect this decision. If he doesn't and brings another woman to the home, not only can this have an impact on his children from his first wife... but both wives will also not get along. What does this do? Make life difficult. The Prophet himself stated that Muslims should not make life difficult for themselves in this world and the hereafter.
Secondly, I am in favour of multiples wives ONLY in certain circumstances, i.e. during a war (many widows), more women than men..etc etc.
If a man chooses to have another wife just for the sake of it, to cook and clean, give him more children...for his own personal gain.....then that's absolutely wrong.
I am sleepy and off to bed! Salamun Alaikum.
The above post (well above Kubra's anyway) has well and truly killed this thread.
I'm going back to the Adult Discussion section
then he can marry as many as he wants, even if he wants to take the advantage of having allowed multiple wives.
Stop right there. What you said is absolutely ridiculous....
Take a deep breath sister.
What's the point of a marriage if both partners can't agree on a certain thing? As far as I know a husband should ask his wife if she is okay with another lady in the house. If she refuses, he should respect this decision. If he doesn't and brings another woman to the home, not only can this have an impact on his children from his first wife... but both wives will also not get along. What does this do? Make life difficult. The Prophet himself stated that Muslims should not make life difficult for themselves in this world and the hereafter.
Secondly, I am in favour of multiples wives ONLY in certain circumstances, i.e. during a war (many widows), more women than men..etc etc.
If a man chooses to have another wife just for the sake of it, to cook and clean, give him more children...for his own personal gain.....then that's absolutely wrong.
I am sleepy and off to bed! Salamun Alaikum.
What Islamirama will not deny, is that although the man's rights are clear as water - and the woman not having a say in this, is that if this decision was taken by him, to marry another, and that his wife be affected by this, then he would almost certainly have killed that relationship with his first wife (even if she doesn't divorce him).
So, the consequences of such actions are blatant and probably, to be expected. My question is, what husband would do this knowingly very well that the woman he married would never be happy in such a marriage?
What husband would do this, thus, intently knowing how unhappy his "option" would make his wife? What foolish man would ever justify her unhappiness to be e.g. "will of Allah"?
It was he who decided to excercise that option, it was he who caused the consequence. But I'm sure we can all choose our spouses carefully nowdays.
Right?
Goodnight
Masumah
24-12-06, 12:37 AM
All of u go to bed inshAllah :)
i would chose the one who only wants to be with me
islamirama
24-12-06, 01:04 AM
Good night kids, go relax a bit...
Abu Mus'ab
24-12-06, 11:13 AM
To my knowledge, one does not need to like Polygamy let alone accept a polygamous marriage. And to be honest with you, modern-day Polygamy in many areas, nothing to shout about to say the least.
And there's nothing wrong in women not wanting such a marriage, anyone who implies otherwise is simply lacking coherence in their thought process.
P.S. That's me thinking you were talking about Polygamy :coolbro:
And your 'knowledge' is what?
You should go read Moulana rashid ahmad gangoi rahimahullah's fatwah.
And your 'knowledge' is what?
You should go read Moulana rashid ahmad gangoi rahimahullah's fatwah.
I was going to make a comment but I’d rather not…..or we’d be going in circles.
Abu Mus'ab
24-12-06, 11:27 AM
I was going to make a comment but I’d rather not…..or we’d be going in circles.
Can you back it up with valid shari daleel? if not then don't bother because i'll just dismiss it.
Abu Mus'ab[/b];1519562]And your 'knowledge' is what?
You should go read Moulana rashid ahmad gangoi rahimahullah's fatwah.
Was I wrong in what I said?
I know exactly what he said and we're not talking about the same thing so please don't insult my opinions because I do not have a baggage of fatwa's to go along with them.
"A person who finds fault with any hukm (law) of Allah Ta’ala or way of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), considering it to be dishonourable and its upholder to be shameless, is undoubtedly a mal-oon (accursed), an opponent of Allah and a kaafir. He is a murtadd (renegade) and a jahannami (destined for Jahannum).
There is no fault in Allah's laws, and there is actually no flaw in him allowing Polygamy as an option for men to excercise. I never implied to the contradictory.
His fatwa is directly relating to individuals who mock the concept of Polygamy rather then those who don't prefer it. I think this is key in the discussion of this, we all have a choice in this and that itself reveals the attitude we are allowed to have on this. We are free to have opinions on this. If Allah has given a right to choose (which I think is more important than the actual choices), then surely we have the right to give reasons for our choices. And when it comes to Polygamy, where I'm sure your smart enough to realise the reputation this god given right has gotten over time, and it's not only due to women, but also the men who are incapable of treating their wives according to how they are supposed to.
As a consequence, less and less women now prefer Polygamy out of fear and unease which they have every right to say, and every right to deny if they are not married already.
However, this is not the same as e.g. a person who disagrees with why men should be able to do this, and women not, or someone who questions Allah's intelligence in permitting it in the first place. Those are the people more suitable for the description of that Fatwa, those who "hate" Polygamy and it's reasoning behind it, it does not refer to those who are not fond of it.
There's a difference in liking something, not liking something and hating something. No Muslim can "hate" this, but also no Muslim is ordained to be fond of it, or accept it as part of marriage, but every Muslim must respect it and accept that it can be a part of marriage if they choose it to be.
Can you back it up with valid shari daleel? if not then don't bother because i'll just dismiss it.
Can you back up Islamirana’s statement that men can marry without their wives consent? Can you really say that men have EVERY right to marry another woman for ‘other’ reasons apart from the ones the Quran and the Prophet listed?
Polygamy in Islam is a matter of mutual consent. The wife has the right to stipulate that her husband must not marry any other woman as a second wife. It is neither mandatory, nor encouraged, but merely permitted. The permission to practice polygamy is not associated with mere satisfaction of passion, having more kids….It is rather associated with compassion toward widows and orphan….when husbands and fathers go to war and are killed.
The Quran even states that housing, food, clothing, kind treatment for EVERY wife must be equal, for which the husband is fully responsible. If he is not sure of being able to deal justly with them, the Quran say: “then (marry) only one.”
It is very sad to think ‘polygamy’ in Islam is based on serious misunderstanding by some Muslims. Even though Islam made Polygamy more humane and insisted equal rights and status for all wives….the Quran discourages polygamy UNLESS it is required at the time. A man simply cannot have a second, third, fourth wife for his own personal gain. Taking more than one wife is only permissible, not ordained by the Quran.
Abu Mus'ab
24-12-06, 12:14 PM
The Kufr of Despising Plurality of Marriages
QUESTION:
What is the attitude of the Shariah towards a person who despises and criticizes a second, third and fourth Nikah?
ANSWER:
Despising or criticizing second, third and fourth marriages is an attitude of kufr. It is the product of westernism and the liberal education of universities. The following is the Fatwa on this question issued by Hadhrat Maulana Rashid Ahmad Gangohi (rahmatullah alayh):
"A person who finds fault with any hukm (law) of Allah Ta’ala or way of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), considering it to be dishonourable and its upholder to be shameless, is undoubtedly a mal-oon (accursed), an opponent of Allah and a kaafir. He is a murtadd (renegade) and a jahannami (destined for Jahannum).
Inspite of acknowledging polygamy being a hukm of Allah Ta’ala and a Sunnat, he persists in despising this hukm on account of customary practice. This aggravates his kufr and opposition to Allah Ta’ala. He is an unfortunate mal-oon, for he believes his custom (the prevailing attitude of people) is better than the law of Allah Ta’ala. To sever all ties from such a person and to ostracize him are precise acts of the Deen. It is never permissible to maintain family and friendship ties with him. It is imperative to remain aloof from him. Believing him to be the most-hated creature of Allah’s creation. Become his enemy. Never perform Janaazah Salaat for him because he is a kaafir. This is recorded in the Kutub of Hadith, Fiqh and Aqaaid."
This Fatwa which was ratified and counter-signed by fifty Muftis of Hadhrat Gangohi’s time, is adequate commentary of the Shariah’s attitude towards those who despise and criticize the Qur’aanic permission of polygamy.
http://themajlis.net/Article117.html
Like I've said many times before, marrying again - with a first wife who is not happy with it, without discussing it with your first wife, will probably cause more problems than anything for the marriage.
Kubra, it's pretty much accepted that technically the husband discussing this with his wife, let alone getting consent from her, is not part of the process he goes through to marry additional wives - so people will say that he does not "need" to discuss this with his wife, but only from a religious point of view.
From a relationship point of view, it's encouraged within families that he should discuss this and try to get consent - although if he didn't, his marriage with his new wife would not be invalid anyway.
The Kufr of Despising Plurality of Marriages
QUESTION:
What is the attitude of the Shariah towards a person who despises and criticizes a second, third and fourth Nikah?
ANSWER:
Despising or criticizing second, third and fourth marriages is an attitude of kufr. It is the product of westernism and the liberal education of universities. The following is the Fatwa o*n this question issued by Hadhrat Maulana Rashid Ahmad Gangohi (rahmatullah alayh):
"A person who finds fault with any hukm (law) of Allah Ta’ala or way of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), considering it to be dishonourable and its upholder to be shameless, is undoubtedly a mal-oon (accursed), an opponent of Allah and a kaafir. He is a murtadd (renegade) and a jahannami (destined for Jahannum).
Inspite of acknowledging polygamy being a hukm of Allah Ta’ala and a Sunnat, he persists in despising this hukm o*n account of customary practice. This aggravates his kufr and opposition to Allah Ta’ala. He is an unfortunate mal-oon, for he believes his custom (the prevailing attitude of people) is better than the law of Allah Ta’ala. To sever all ties from such a person and to ostracize him are precise acts of the Deen. It is never permissible to maintain family and friendship ties with him. It is imperative to remain aloof from him. Believing him to be the most-hated creature of Allah’s creation. Become his enemy. Never perform Janaazah Salaat for him because he is a kaafir. This is recorded in the Kutub of Hadith, Fiqh and Aqaaid."
This Fatwa which was ratified and counter-signed by fifty Muftis of Hadhrat Gangohi’s time, is adequate commentary of the Shariah’s attitude towards those who despise and criticize the Qur’aanic permission of polygamy.
http://themajlis.net/Article117.html
Exactly.
My view does not contradict that, it actually supports it, no one depises Polygamy (atleast that I've known) or has criticized the concept of it, I think if anything, the criticism is directed to how men now disregard their duties in Polygamous marriages e.g. not treat their wives equally. The consequence of that, is that it gains an un-preferable reputation to the mass and thus which would lead to women rejecting Polygamy marriage proposals for the reason of fear that these men will not do it correctly and justly.
So I don't know why you quoted me.
Nusayba bint Ka'b
24-12-06, 12:23 PM
I actually thought about this again...Asiya inspires me:love:
I understand plural marriages in Islam and I know the benefit of it to many Sisters who can't get married or who are widowed.:(
I know a Brother who recently married a sister who was in an abusive marriage and got divorced (she has 6 kids) the Brother is married to a beautiful sister I know (my best friend) both are very young, he married this 33 year old sister with 6 kids recently who is so much older then him, just to take care of her kids and to help her, he never saw her face even (she wears a niqaab). I thought that was so brilliant, and my friend also thinks its wonderful.:love:
See such situations are something different, and widows.
I always use to have some issues even letting that thought cross my mind, but some people deserve what we've got too (good men who fear Allah, who know how treat and love a woman)...
Just a thought..and Allah knows best
I'm not sure, but I'd like to think this is what Polygamy was founded on - surely Allah would only permit things of benefit?
I know women who have asked, encouraged their husbands to marry another woman (although they usually specify under priviledged women who need help) to support her financially, especially if she is a widow.
That is the greatness that Polygamy can bring to individuals and an entire society, however that type of nobility in intentions from the men is somewhat lacking in modern days.
'Asiya is aware of this, and I know you and others are, but there are also the rare stories that men actually do this for admirable reasons which lifts the perception of Polygamy as a whole, so it deserves to be defended but I doubt it should be encouraged.
Abu Mus'ab
24-12-06, 12:29 PM
Exactly.
My view does not contradict that, it actually supports it, no one depises Polygamy (atleast that I've known) or has criticized the concept of it, I think if anything, the criticism is directed to how men now disregard their duties in Polygamous marriages e.g. not treat their wives equally. The consequence of that, is that it gains an un-preferable reputation to the mass and thus which would lead to women rejecting Polygamy marriage proposals for the reason of fear that these men will not do it correctly and justly.
So I don't know why you quoted me.
I quoted you for this piece "one does not need to like Polygamy let alone accept a polygamous marriage"
^I agree with you Kal-El
Thank you for my first rep btw :)
I quoted you for this piece "one does not need to like Polygamy let alone accept a polygamous marriage"
But it is true. We have that choice to not be fond of it, why do you think people would reject Polygamous proposals? (which they are allowed to do right?)
But we shouldn't criticise it or despise it for out respect to those who are in such marriages, and also more importantly, to Allah who has ordained it to be an option for men.
Nusayba bint Ka'b
24-12-06, 12:34 PM
I think in alot of cases it should be encouraged....
"defended not encouraged"...do u have to speak like a lawyer?:scratch:
relax...
Abu Mus'ab
24-12-06, 12:48 PM
But it is true. We have that choice to not be fond of it, why do you think people would reject Polygamous proposals? (which they are allowed to do right?)
But we shouldn't criticise it or despise it for out respect to those who are in such marriages, and also more importantly, to Allah who has ordained it to be an option for men.
You don't get it do you?
Read your post and read my post, see the big contradiction.
Zahyrah
24-12-06, 12:56 PM
I saw lot of dissing of bros and shoes flying in the previous question on polygamy. Know that what you hate is what Allah has ordained lawful and a right of the men.
Now lets see if we can be mature and answer this question...
Let's say your husband did marry again. Would you ever co-habit or do you want your own place? also, how would you treat any kids he has from that wife?
i would love my husband to take a second wife it is his right as a muslim, i would like my own apartment as it would give us all more privacy. I would love my husbands children whther from me or another wife, the one condition i would ask of my husband is to choose a pious woman, though really he shouldnt have to consult me first, the prophet saws never asked his wives permission before taking another wife.
Personally, I'd have to discuss the issue of polygamy with any potential spouse before considering marriage, as it's not for me.
I do think that it would be almost impossible to have 2 wives in a country like England where polygamy is illegal. How is it fair on the wives to be in marriages in a country where only one of the relationships is recognised as a legal union?
Personally, I'd have to discuss the issue of polygamy with any potential spouse before considering marriage, as it's not for me.
I do think that it would be almost impossible to have 2 wives in a country like England where polygamy is illegal. How is it fair on the wives to be in marriages in a country where only one of the relationships is recognised as a legal union?
Alhamdulillah the law of the land is not an issue for us as muslims, we marry Islamically, and so a man can have up to 4 wives masha Allah even in england, marrying in a registary office is a big mistake, because if it all goes wrong and they have to divorce,then there will be up to £10,000 to pay to lawyers for the divorce,and muslims should not waste their money like that. Then the wife is entitled to half of everything he owns,half his money his buisness,and maintainance until the divorce comes through which can take years in some cases.In an islamic marriage the wife is simply entitled to maintainance until the iddah is ended (3 monthly cycles) and if they have children then the upkeep of the kids, if a man has a wife who doesnt fear Allah then she will be transgressing in accepting anything that the "law" entitles her to, and he will be opressed in having to give her all the "law" requires.So as muslims dont need our marriages recognised in "the law of the land" not for any reason Alhamdulillah.:)
I think in alot of cases it should be encouraged....
"defended not encouraged"...do u have to speak like a lawyer?:scratch:
relax...
No it comes naturally for me, i speak like that when i have debates.
You don't get it do you?
Read your post and read my post, see the big contradiction.
I will inshallah :)
EDIT: I read it again, i see no contradiction and if you do then its probably a misunderstanding on what you and I define as "like" and "dislike" in this context.
Alhamdulillah the law of the land is not an issue for us as muslims, we marry Islamically, and so a man can have up to 4 wives masha Allah even in england, marrying in a registary office is a big mistake, because if it all goes wrong and they have to divorce,then there will be up to £10,000 to pay to lawyers for the divorce,and muslims should not waste their money like that. Then the wife is entitled to half of everything he owns,half his money his buisness,and maintainance until the divorce comes through which can take years in some cases.In an islamic marriage the wife is simply entitled to maintainance until the iddah is ended (3 monthly cycles) and if they have children then the upkeep of the kids, if a man has a wife who doesnt fear Allah then she will be transgressing in accepting anything that the "law" entitles her to, and he will be opressed in having to give her all the "law" requires.So as muslims dont need our marriages recognised in "the law of the land" not for any reason Alhamdulillah.:)
There are alot of couples out there who want their marriage to be recognised by the country they live in. If it does end in divorce it doesn't have to be as messy as that. There are things they can settle between themselves like custody of the children and so on.
islamirama
24-12-06, 06:25 PM
Can you back up Islamirana’s statement that men can marry without their wives consent? Can you really say that men have EVERY right to marry another woman for ‘other’ reasons apart from the ones the Quran and the Prophet listed?
Polygamy in Islam is a matter of mutual consent. The wife has the right to stipulate that her husband must not marry any other woman as a second wife. It is neither mandatory, nor encouraged, but merely permitted. The permission to practice polygamy is not associated with mere satisfaction of passion, having more kids….It is rather associated with compassion toward widows and orphan….when husbands and fathers go to war and are killed.
The Quran even states that housing, food, clothing, kind treatment for EVERY wife must be equal, for which the husband is fully responsible. If he is not sure of being able to deal justly with them, the Quran say: “then (marry) only one.”
It is very sad to think ‘polygamy’ in Islam is based on serious misunderstanding by some Muslims. Even though Islam made Polygamy more humane and insisted equal rights and status for all wives….the Quran discourages polygamy UNLESS it is required at the time. A man simply cannot have a second, third, fourth wife for his own personal gain. Taking more than one wife is only permissible, not ordained by the Quran.
Can YOU back up your statement that mutual consent is required? The woman can stipulate her husband TO BE can't marry another woman, the wife can NOT stipulate as it's not her place to demand this.
Please i ask you again, GIVE us proof NOT what you keep yapping out. If you are going to say Quran says this or islam says this, then back it up with PROOF!
and GO start your own thread on polygamy, you're OFF topic here!
i would love my husband to take a second wife it is his right as a muslim, i would like my own apartment as it would give us all more privacy. I would love my husbands children whther from me or another wife, the one condition i would ask of my husband is to choose a pious woman, though really he shouldnt have to consult me first, the prophet saws never asked his wives permission before taking another wife.
There are sisters out there that actually help their husband look for a 2nd wife or what not.
Thank you for sticking to the topic and your input. :)
Lost_Princess
29-12-06, 02:37 AM
i dont know wat ill do but i wont be happy thats for sure i want my husband for me myself and i he is not makeup i would share he is my precious jewel
:inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
JiHaDiYa
07-01-07, 04:51 PM
me personally i would let me husband marry again if i cudnt have kids or if he was planning on fighttin fisibilallah... BUT its halah 4him 2 marry more dan 1wife n its a blessing from allah (swt) so why make it haram 4him 2marry again! but da bruda must take on board da sistaz feelings (u get me):rubeyes:
I also see it as a thing were Allah (swt) make us daieef (weak) so we can easy fall in2 sin, there r many brudaz lookin 2marry but find it hard in finddin a sista, n therez u wid 2,3,4 lol.....naa seriously now, i see it as "wot u wnt 4urself u wnt 4otherz" so try hook another brother up b4 u try hook urself up wid another wife!!!!
:hidban:
allahualim
islamirama
08-01-07, 04:25 AM
me personally i would let me husband marry again if i cudnt have kids or if he was planning on fighttin fisibilallah... BUT its halah 4him 2 marry more dan 1wife n its a blessing from allah (swt) so why make it haram 4him 2marry again! but da bruda must take on board da sistaz feelings (u get me):rubeyes:
I also see it as a thing were Allah (swt) make us daieef (weak) so we can easy fall in2 sin, there r many brudaz lookin 2marry but find it hard in finddin a sista, n therez u wid 2,3,4 lol.....naa seriously now, i see it as "wot u wnt 4urself u wnt 4otherz" so try hook another brother up b4 u try hook urself up wid another wife!!!!
:hidban:
allahualim
Jazakallahu khairen for your input sis. Indeed it's wrong for a woman to forbid her husband from marrying again, that right is given to him by Allah not the wife. And of course it's not simple as black and white, lot of things come into play and lot of things take place (or should) be such an action is taken.
There are bro's out there who can't find a good sister, and there a lot of factors that play into that. So we can't tell a bro to find a wife for another bro first before he takes a 2nd or what not. What if the sis he's interested in wants his type of a person rather then that bro. But you have a good point and inshallah the bro's that do marry more should also help the single bros out as well by using their network for friends and wife's friends and relatives.
Any other sister out there willing to share their thoughts :)
ghanamuslima
20-02-07, 06:34 PM
I saw lot of dissing of bros and shoes flying in the previous question on polygamy. Know that what you hate is what Allah has ordained lawful and a right of the men.
Now lets see if we can be mature and answer this question...
Let's say your husband did marry again. Would you ever co-habit or do you want your own place? also, how would you treat any kids he has from that wife?
am not against polygamy but I WOULD NOT cohabit, thats just taking things too far.
umm_huraiyrah
20-02-07, 07:41 PM
I'd co-habit with her as she would be my sister and any kids of her's i'd treat as my own. :D I'd love her and her children for the sake of Allah.
Habiba
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