A_Muminah
10-12-06, 02:27 AM
As-Salaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaah,
Innal AlHumdu-Lillaah Was Salaatu Wa Salaamu 'Ala Rasoulillah
Masha-Allaah 'Alayk. May Allaah provide what is best for us, Aameen.
THE DREAM WEDDING
Considering the fact that we spend exorbitant sums of money, and even
incur huge debts, in the hosting of our weddings, it is vital to note
that most of the practices found in a typical Muslim wedding are in no
way Islamic......
It is perfectly natural for a young girl to dream about her wedding day,
what it will be like, what she will wear, how she will bid farewell to
her family, etc. Nikaah is a vital part of our deen, and most girls do
one day, want to settle down with that person whom Allah Ta'ala has
destined them to be with.
But ask any girl the actually content of her dreams, or what she
pictures her wedding day to be like, and one can expect to hear, "I'd
like to arrive at the hall in a yellow BMW convertible", or "I'd like to
enter the hall with my husband,with Kenny G music playing in the
background", or "I'd want to have my wedding photographs taken alongside
a pond".
Most girls might even be able to tell you the size and the style of the
wedding ring they are anticipating, how much they are willing to spend
on a white wedding gown, etc.The sad part is most of these dreams are
realised.
What the young Muslim bride-to-be wants, her parents give her, and even
if she doesn't want it, her parents still force it upon her.
So what we end up with is a young girl, about to embark on a most
beautiful form of ibaadat, sitting on a stage, looking no different from
a Christian bride, for a whole audience of males and females to stare at
-- at a time when it is vital that she be sitting on the musalla, making
dua, asking Allah Ta'ala to make her marriage a successful one. A young
couple posing for photographs - hugging and kissing for hundreds of
people to see. Hours of music, followed by a five- minute qir'aat and
dua, and then
back to the music...And of course a camera-man moving about frantically
capturing everything: the cutting of a four-tier wedding cake, the
grand entrance of the bride to a confetti-welcome, the presentation of a
bouquet, the groom's sister putting on jewellery for the bride....the
list is endless.
Latest trends include the serving of grape juice in wine glasses [what
one wonders, is the intention behind this?], the bride and groom and a
[unisex] bridal party sitting and eating on the stage in full view of
everyone, a special night set aside before the wedding for indian music
accompanied by dancing.Where - do we ever ask ourselves - do all these
practices emerge from?
Certainly not the Qur'aan, certainly not the sunnah.If we really let
ourselves think about the answer to this question we will have to admit
that everything about the circus weddings we host - from the often crude
and tasteless bridal showers hosted for the bride by her friends to the
practice commonly known as "janha" wherein the groom's family has to
present the bride with an expensive item of jewellery before the
wedding, to the mehndi ceremony, to the engagement parties, to the
wedding ring, to the white gown, the walking down the aisle, the
brides-maids, the bouquet, the cake, the videos and the photographs,
basically everything besides the performing of the nikaah itself has
absolutely no validity in our beautiful and simple deen.
In fact the majority of these practices originate from other religions,
and we have taken them, and practised them and advertised them, to such
an enormous extent that they are now wrongfully been recognised as being
part of the Muslim way life. Our weddings have become virtually
indistinguishable from the weddings of the kuffaar.
And they shouldn't be. As Muslims, everything about us from our
character to our dressing to our practices, should serve as an example
to people. We should be trying to preserve our deen - with all its
simplicity and
beauty. Nothing about the weddings we host makes any sense.
Islamically it is not at all incumbent upon the bride's family to host
any form of feeding before or after the nikaah. [Yes, it is sunnat for
the groom's family to have a Walimah, after the marriage has been
consummated, but this too, should be a simple affair] Yet, thousands of
rands go into the hosting of a bridal reception, with all its food,
frills and fancies.
At the end of the day, we are left with a series of complaints about the
food, unnecessary family quarrels of the "Why was I not invited?"
variety, a wasted ball gown that will probably never be worn again and
huge debts.
Instead of throwing all this money away on a few moments of senseless
sin, the bride's family could have utilised it in a way which would have
been of some real benefit to her and to her prospective husband, e.g. by
making some contribution to the setting up of a home for the couple.
We should always remind ourselves of the marriage of Hadhrat Fatima
[RA], the daughter of our beloved Nabi [SAW]
When Ali [RA] expressed his intention to propose for Fatima [RA],
Rasulullah [SAW] was pleased and asked him if he possessed
any riches. When Ali [RA] replied that apart from a horse and a shield he
possessed nothing, Rasulullah said: "A soldier must of course, have his
horse. Go and sell your shield."
Ali [RA] sold his shield for 400 dirhams, after which Rasulullah
[SAW] called Bilal [RA] and asked him to bring some itar and a
few other things and sent Hadhrat Anas [RA] to call Abu Baker,
Uthman, Zubair [RA] and some other men of the Ansar.
When they had arrived, Rasulullah [SAW] recited the Nikah Khutbah.
Giving Fathima [RA] in nikaah to Ali [RA], he said,
"Bear you all witness, I have given Fathima to Ali for 400 misqals of
silver and Ali has accepted." He then raised his head and made dua.
After the nikaah, dates were distributed and when night came,
Fathima [RA] was sent without any hue or cry in the company of
Umme Aiman [RA]. Rasulullah [SAW] visited them, made dua for them, and
asked for a basin of water in which he blew after reciting the three
Quls. He then sprinkled this water on both, Ali [RA] and Fatima [RA].
Rasulullah [SAW] gave his daughter a silver bracelet, 2 Yemeni sheets, 4
mattresses, a blanket, a pillow, a cup, a hand grinding mill, a
bedstead, a small water skin and an earthen pitcher, and advised them
that the indoor work should be done by Fatima [RA] and the
outdoor work by Ali [RA].1
This is the "dream wedding" which we should all be striving towards.
It would be to the benefit of many if we start instilling this in the
minds of our children, especially our daughters.
We should encourage them towards totally following the Sunnah, and not
just doing so selectively i.e. by following whatever is easy to follow,
and then emulating other people in other aspects of life. By becoming
the slaves of our nafs and Shaitaan, i.e. by hosting unnecessary and
elaborate functions, we are only hampering the Imaan and futures of our
children: how can we expect them to embark on the ibaadat which nikaah
is, when this ibaadat begins with a series of sins?
It should be the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala which we hope to attain, not
the pleasure of mis-guided family members and friends. Rather endure
their displeasure, than face the displeasure of Allah Ta'ala.
--
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench
Innal AlHumdu-Lillaah Was Salaatu Wa Salaamu 'Ala Rasoulillah
Masha-Allaah 'Alayk. May Allaah provide what is best for us, Aameen.
THE DREAM WEDDING
Considering the fact that we spend exorbitant sums of money, and even
incur huge debts, in the hosting of our weddings, it is vital to note
that most of the practices found in a typical Muslim wedding are in no
way Islamic......
It is perfectly natural for a young girl to dream about her wedding day,
what it will be like, what she will wear, how she will bid farewell to
her family, etc. Nikaah is a vital part of our deen, and most girls do
one day, want to settle down with that person whom Allah Ta'ala has
destined them to be with.
But ask any girl the actually content of her dreams, or what she
pictures her wedding day to be like, and one can expect to hear, "I'd
like to arrive at the hall in a yellow BMW convertible", or "I'd like to
enter the hall with my husband,with Kenny G music playing in the
background", or "I'd want to have my wedding photographs taken alongside
a pond".
Most girls might even be able to tell you the size and the style of the
wedding ring they are anticipating, how much they are willing to spend
on a white wedding gown, etc.The sad part is most of these dreams are
realised.
What the young Muslim bride-to-be wants, her parents give her, and even
if she doesn't want it, her parents still force it upon her.
So what we end up with is a young girl, about to embark on a most
beautiful form of ibaadat, sitting on a stage, looking no different from
a Christian bride, for a whole audience of males and females to stare at
-- at a time when it is vital that she be sitting on the musalla, making
dua, asking Allah Ta'ala to make her marriage a successful one. A young
couple posing for photographs - hugging and kissing for hundreds of
people to see. Hours of music, followed by a five- minute qir'aat and
dua, and then
back to the music...And of course a camera-man moving about frantically
capturing everything: the cutting of a four-tier wedding cake, the
grand entrance of the bride to a confetti-welcome, the presentation of a
bouquet, the groom's sister putting on jewellery for the bride....the
list is endless.
Latest trends include the serving of grape juice in wine glasses [what
one wonders, is the intention behind this?], the bride and groom and a
[unisex] bridal party sitting and eating on the stage in full view of
everyone, a special night set aside before the wedding for indian music
accompanied by dancing.Where - do we ever ask ourselves - do all these
practices emerge from?
Certainly not the Qur'aan, certainly not the sunnah.If we really let
ourselves think about the answer to this question we will have to admit
that everything about the circus weddings we host - from the often crude
and tasteless bridal showers hosted for the bride by her friends to the
practice commonly known as "janha" wherein the groom's family has to
present the bride with an expensive item of jewellery before the
wedding, to the mehndi ceremony, to the engagement parties, to the
wedding ring, to the white gown, the walking down the aisle, the
brides-maids, the bouquet, the cake, the videos and the photographs,
basically everything besides the performing of the nikaah itself has
absolutely no validity in our beautiful and simple deen.
In fact the majority of these practices originate from other religions,
and we have taken them, and practised them and advertised them, to such
an enormous extent that they are now wrongfully been recognised as being
part of the Muslim way life. Our weddings have become virtually
indistinguishable from the weddings of the kuffaar.
And they shouldn't be. As Muslims, everything about us from our
character to our dressing to our practices, should serve as an example
to people. We should be trying to preserve our deen - with all its
simplicity and
beauty. Nothing about the weddings we host makes any sense.
Islamically it is not at all incumbent upon the bride's family to host
any form of feeding before or after the nikaah. [Yes, it is sunnat for
the groom's family to have a Walimah, after the marriage has been
consummated, but this too, should be a simple affair] Yet, thousands of
rands go into the hosting of a bridal reception, with all its food,
frills and fancies.
At the end of the day, we are left with a series of complaints about the
food, unnecessary family quarrels of the "Why was I not invited?"
variety, a wasted ball gown that will probably never be worn again and
huge debts.
Instead of throwing all this money away on a few moments of senseless
sin, the bride's family could have utilised it in a way which would have
been of some real benefit to her and to her prospective husband, e.g. by
making some contribution to the setting up of a home for the couple.
We should always remind ourselves of the marriage of Hadhrat Fatima
[RA], the daughter of our beloved Nabi [SAW]
When Ali [RA] expressed his intention to propose for Fatima [RA],
Rasulullah [SAW] was pleased and asked him if he possessed
any riches. When Ali [RA] replied that apart from a horse and a shield he
possessed nothing, Rasulullah said: "A soldier must of course, have his
horse. Go and sell your shield."
Ali [RA] sold his shield for 400 dirhams, after which Rasulullah
[SAW] called Bilal [RA] and asked him to bring some itar and a
few other things and sent Hadhrat Anas [RA] to call Abu Baker,
Uthman, Zubair [RA] and some other men of the Ansar.
When they had arrived, Rasulullah [SAW] recited the Nikah Khutbah.
Giving Fathima [RA] in nikaah to Ali [RA], he said,
"Bear you all witness, I have given Fathima to Ali for 400 misqals of
silver and Ali has accepted." He then raised his head and made dua.
After the nikaah, dates were distributed and when night came,
Fathima [RA] was sent without any hue or cry in the company of
Umme Aiman [RA]. Rasulullah [SAW] visited them, made dua for them, and
asked for a basin of water in which he blew after reciting the three
Quls. He then sprinkled this water on both, Ali [RA] and Fatima [RA].
Rasulullah [SAW] gave his daughter a silver bracelet, 2 Yemeni sheets, 4
mattresses, a blanket, a pillow, a cup, a hand grinding mill, a
bedstead, a small water skin and an earthen pitcher, and advised them
that the indoor work should be done by Fatima [RA] and the
outdoor work by Ali [RA].1
This is the "dream wedding" which we should all be striving towards.
It would be to the benefit of many if we start instilling this in the
minds of our children, especially our daughters.
We should encourage them towards totally following the Sunnah, and not
just doing so selectively i.e. by following whatever is easy to follow,
and then emulating other people in other aspects of life. By becoming
the slaves of our nafs and Shaitaan, i.e. by hosting unnecessary and
elaborate functions, we are only hampering the Imaan and futures of our
children: how can we expect them to embark on the ibaadat which nikaah
is, when this ibaadat begins with a series of sins?
It should be the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala which we hope to attain, not
the pleasure of mis-guided family members and friends. Rather endure
their displeasure, than face the displeasure of Allah Ta'ala.
--
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench