View Full Version : Taking 2nd wife without permission of the 1st
Validity of marrying a second wife for mere love and without consent of first wife
Question:
Is it ok for husband to marry a second wife, without the consent of the first wife. Just because the man, or husband, in our case, falls in love with another woman. Hence, should he marry her, even though he is already married? Does Islam allow such a situation for a man?
Answer:
Al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah). Before responding to the this question, a comment must be made regarding an objectionable and reprehensible issue implied in the question, and that is the mentioning by the sister that he “falls in love with another woman”. It is known that it is not permissible in the Islamic religion the establishment of a relationship between a man and a woman who is ajanabiyya to him (lit. foreign, i.e., marriable) before marriage, for Allah revealed in Surat al-Maa’ida (the Table), ayah 5 a verse whose meaning can be translated as:
“This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste and virtuous women who are believers, but chaste women among People of the Book, revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues. If any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).”
And the word “akhdaan” that appears in this ayah (appearing above as “secret intrigues”) means intimate friend or companion, and in this case refers to a lover, and Allah has indicated in Surat al-Ahzaab (33:53) that a condition for talking with women when it is needed is: (a translation of the meaning)
“…and if you ask them (women) for something you want, ask them from behind a hijab (both in the sense of a physical barrier such as a screen or wall, as well as in clothing); that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs…”
And Allah has commanded women not to speak with soft, sensual voices with a man who is ajnabi (lit. foreign, meaning one to whom is not forbidden marriage for her) so that he is not tempted by their voices, and so as not to provoke feelings of lust. Allah ta’aala said in Surat al-Ahzaab ayah 32 a verse whose meaning can be translated as:
“… if you do fear (Allah) be not too complaisant of speech lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but utter sufficient and appropriate speech.” (33:32)
So how could it possibly be permissible after all of these injunctions to establish love or friendship relations among women and men who are ajaanib (marriable)??
And as for the original matter of the question, Allah subhanahu wa-ta’ala who is al-Hakim (All Wise) al-Khabir (All Experienced) and who is more knowledgeable about the human beings He created than they themselves are about themselves, has ordained that a man is allowed to marry whom he wills among women as long as he does not bond in marriage under his care and responsibility more than four women. And this is conditioned upon him dealing justly among them the known justice specified by shari’a which includes overnight stays and spending. If he does not have the ability and capacity to deal with such justice, then he should suffice with one, as Allah indicates in Surat al-Nisaa’ in ayah 3, which has a meaning that can be translated as:
“… marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one…” (4:3)
And Allah’s shar’aa (Islamic law) is all just and wise, and He ordains what He wills and does what He want and it is incumbent upon as human beings to believe and have faith and submit and obey and abide by the shari’a, otherwise then we are not Muslims nor mu’mineen (believers). As Allah also said in Surat al-Nisaa’ ayah 65 a verse whose meaning can be translated as:
“But no, by your Lord, they can have no (real) faith until they make you judge in all disputes between them, and find in their souls no resistance against your decisions, but accept them with the fullest conviction” (3:65)
and in Surat al-Ahzaab, ayah 36, a meaning that can be translated as:
“It is not fitting for a mu’min (believing man) or mu’mina (believing woman) when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger to have any option about their decision: if anyone disobeys Allah and His Apostle he is indeed strayed on a manifestly wrong path.” (33:36)
Furthermore, no evidence appears neither in the Qur’an nor sunnah requiring the permission of the first wife if her husband wishes to marry another wife, and therefore he is not required to ask her permission. However, he needs to be judicious in taking this decision and to weigh it carefully with respect to benefits and drawbacks and to look with the eye of wisdom at all of the considerations pertaining to the matter, and he should strive all he can to conciliate, reassure, and satisfy his first wife, in order to ease and mitigate the effect of the matter upon her.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Arsalan
04-12-06, 09:09 PM
Furthermore, no evidence appears neither in the Qur’an nor sunnah requiring the permission of the first wife if her husband wishes to marry another wife, and therefore he is not required to ask her permission. However, he needs to be judicious in taking this decision and to weigh it carefully with respect to benefits and drawbacks and to look with the eye of wisdom at all of the considerations pertaining to the matter, and he should strive all he can to conciliate, reassure, and satisfy his first wife, in order to ease and mitigate the effect of the matter upon her.
Brothers only : can women be ever totally satisfied?
What do you think?
Brothers only : can women be ever totally satisfied?
What do you think?
lol
akhi if u want only bros to answer, maybe u should take it to the bros forum.......
P.S. a sisters answer: allah wouldnt ask of u that which is impossible would he?
Arsalan
04-12-06, 09:21 PM
lol
akhi if u want only bros to answer, maybe u should take it to the bros forum.......
P.S. a sisters answer: allah wouldnt ask of u that which is impossible would he?
Agree.
Personally i think it would be hard to satisfy a wife in this situation, unless she had upright morals and purity in her nature and she was "Deeni". Alhamdoulillah there are plenty of women like that.
Al-Saeed Abdi
04-12-06, 09:22 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum,Brothers only : can women be ever totally satisfied?
What do you think?I'm sure there are some who can, but I've yet to come across any. Although on another topic, I can testify that they have a hell of a good memory.
Ma'aSalaama
Agree.
Personally i think it would be hard to satisfy a wife in this situation, unless she had upright morals and purity in her nature and she was "Deeni". Alhamdoulillah there are plenty of women like that.
there are sisters in situations where they have been happy for their husbands to take on second or third wives alhumdulillah and i personally rate them for that, u have to be a very strong woman mashallah, its not impossible.
So i wouldnt look at it as an impossible situation, if u make your 1st wife comfortable to the best of your ability, explain your reasons for wanting to take a 2nd wife, make sure she knows she wont beleft behind or treated any differently then alhumdulillah im sure she mgiht come round and be sympathetic to a brother's cause...
ur_yusra
04-12-06, 09:59 PM
Agree.
Personally i think it would be hard to satisfy a wife in this situation, unless she had upright morals and purity in her nature and she was "Deeni". Alhamdoulillah there are plenty of women like that.
If you look at what the article said it says.. satisfy the first wife. Now your saying theres no such thing?
I really think you should take it to the brothers forum and banter about it there.
There's an old proverb here...substitute wife for girlfriend and we have an Islamic version :p
if a man has two girlfriends and they don't know about each other, he aint no pimp...he just hasn't been caught yet
Now if a man has 2 girlfriends and they are fighting over making him breakfast...then he's a pimp.
IMHO any man that would do this to a woman without her knowledge doesn't deserve either woman.
Agree.
Personally i think it would be hard to satisfy a wife in this situation, unless she had upright morals and purity in her nature and she was "Deeni". Alhamdoulillah there are plenty of women like that.
That's why we're supposed to marry women based on their Iman rather than their beauty. Now if only I could marry a sister with both those qualities. :rolleyes:
There's an old proverb here...substitute wife for girlfriend and we have an Islamic version :p
if a man has two girlfriends and they don't know about each other, he aint no pimp...he just hasn't been caught yet
Now if a man has 2 girlfriends and they are fighting over making him breakfast...then he's a pimp.
IMHO any man that would do this to a woman without her knowledge doesn't deserve either woman.
i agree, allah swt also asks u to be kind and courteous to your wife at the same time.
Agree.
Personally i think it would be hard to satisfy a wife in this situation, unless she had upright morals and purity in her nature and she was "Deeni". Alhamdoulillah there are plenty of women like that.
yaa ! Islam allow a man to marry more then one wife. if he able to take care them properly.
but I Feel that in present generation there is only very few bro! who hardly think to do second wife. because of several reasons.
1) Todays modern girls they will never accept her husband to go for second marrage.
2) requirement in todays generation is very high.
3) Very few girls have Subur this days.
4) society also never allow a man to go for second marriage(even though it's acceptable as Islamic Law)
Correct me if I am wrong.
Mr_Jailer
05-12-06, 07:08 AM
Wife(s) can get the best out of you or the worst out of you. If they get the best out of you, they won't object to you marryin' a co-wfie if their desire is for the hubby to practise the sunnah and supportin' him (and cementin' her place in jannah).
If she gets the worst out of you, you're prolly end up havin' an affair.
But niether situation necessarily requires u to marry a second wife / have fling.
There are other ways to get the best out of the hubby. Wife needs to be more vigilant n alert in that respect.
lol
akhi if u want only bros to answer, maybe u should take it to the bros forum.......
P.S. a sisters answer: allah wouldnt ask of u that which is impossible would he?
Very good answer :D
Wife(s) can get the best out of you or the worst out of you. If they get the best out of you, they won't object to you marryin' a co-wfie if their desire is for the hubby to practise the sunnah and supportin' him (and cementin' her place in jannah).
If she gets the worst out of you, you're prolly end up havin' an affair.
But niether situation necessarily requires u to marry a second wife / have fling.
There are other ways to get the best out of the hubby. Wife needs to be more vigilant n alert in that respect.
i think a wife can also have a her good reasons for saying no dont u think?
i.e. she may thnik that her husband will not be able to fulfill the rights of both wives which is a severe sin on a brother if he doesnt fully fulfil rights of both women adn like u said bro im sure she wouldnt want him in hell for that reason, it takes a very mentally and emotionally strong brother to take on more than one wife AND fulful their rights equally, no its not impossible but its not easy thats for sure.
So i think we need to look at both sides of the coin.
one wifes more than enuff for me
one wifes more than enuff for me
one wifes :rotfl:
I dont know what the big deal is, i wasnt raised with this idea of a man taking more than one wife, it was something completely unacceptable to me, but when i read the words of Allah ta ala and saw the wisdom in that i accepted it immediately.
When we become muslim we have to start thinking like muslims, and muslims dont have any problem with polygamy, in fact as we all know to dislike or hate something from our religion even if we abide by it, is kufr! The prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam used to announce his forthcoming marrige to his wives, he salallahu alleyhi wa salam, knew how to handle his buisness masha Allah, didnt need to ask his wives "permission" because its his marriage, he would tell his wives, and then go and marry, and as the shaikh said above masha Allah he doesnt need anyone permission.
I think sisters should remember this is none of their buisness, its their husbands marriage, its up to him, and no one else. Her only buisness is taking care of her own marriage. Her husband is the one who has to stand before Allah ta ala and answer for any injustices, so its completly up to the husband, and not any of his wives wether he can afford to remarry or wether he can be just or not. The husband is the amir of the family, and if you dont trust your own husband to know what hes doing and to be your amir then...well why are you married to him..
what i dont understand and this is to all the muslims from families that have been muslim for generations masha Allah, is why have muslims of today not got their heads around this issue yet ? they have had 1400 years to get over it. Its really not good enough, and quite worrying that were still sitting here discussing this, and not loving this part of our deen as brother meer said even some muslim societies cant handle it...
one wifes :rotfl:
lol .. i didnt pick up on that :rotfl:
Mashallah sis! good post:)
may allah give us Hidayath to follow Islamic rules in our daily life without any problems (Ameen)
I dont know what the big deal is, i wasnt raised with this idea of a man taking more than one wife, it was something completely unacceptable to me, but when i read the words of Allah ta ala and saw the wisdom in that i accepted it immediately.
When we become muslim we have to start thinking like muslims, and muslims dont have any problem with polygamy, in fact as we all know to dislike or hate something from our religion even if we abide by it, is kufr! The prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam used to announce his forthcoming marrige to his wives, he salallahu alleyhi wa salam, knew how to handle his buisness masha Allah, didnt need to ask his wives "permission" because its his marriage, he would tell his wives, and then go and marry, and as the shaikh said above masha Allah he doesnt need anyone permission.
I think sisters should remember this is none of their buisness, its their husbands marriage, its up to him, and no one else. Her only buisness is taking care of her own marriage. Her husband is the one who has to stand before Allah ta ala and answer for any injustices, so its completly up to the husband, and not any of his wives wether he can afford to remarry or wether he can be just or not. The husband is the amir of the family, and if you dont trust your own husband to know what hes doing and to be your amir then...well why are you married to him..
what i dont understand and this is to all the muslims from families that have been muslim for generations masha Allah, is why have muslims of today not got their heads around this issue yet ? they have had 1400 years to get over it. Its really not good enough, and quite worrying that were still sitting here discussing this, and not loving this part of our deen as brother meer said even some muslim societies cant handle it...
I Agree.
lol .. i didnt pick up on that :rotfl:
it's better bro fais dont pick from his wife's. I beleave he have only one:D
outlandish
05-12-06, 04:29 PM
Agree.
Personally i think it would be hard to satisfy a wife in this situation, unless she had upright morals and purity in her nature and she was "Deeni". Alhamdoulillah there are plenty of women like that.
so according to u a woman whom does not wish to be in this situation doesnt have upright morals and purity etc?Right ,I dont think Allah gave the husband the right to say this to his wife if she didnt wish this either. I yet have to read where women are commanded to accept this.
The husband should have upright morals as well and discuss it with her,instead of doing it behind her back even if he isnt religiously required to tell his first wife?
And as to some sayinng its his husbands marriage he dont require to tell or whatsoever, but his marriage is also affecting others, so it aint exactly his thing only. I dont see what kind of relationship that would be where u dont discuss things
Arsalan
05-12-06, 04:36 PM
so according to u a woman whom does not wish to be in this situation doesnt have upright morals and purity etc?Right ,I dont think Allah gave the husband the right to say this to his wife if she didnt wish this either. I yet have to read where women are commanded to accept this.
Well i didnt mean it like that - as a slur on women who "dont accept". - Afterall its understandable because of how people are being "cultured" nowadays, but not understandable if they are (*inately* ) not accepting of some areas of the life of the Prophet saaw or the Sahaab RA and their Sunnah ( the plural marriages ).
I also meant that some women particularly born in this country would need a high strength of character to come to terms with a second marriage or to adapt to it easily.
The husband should have upright morals as well and discuss it with her,instead of doing it behind her back even if he isnt religiously required to tell his first wife?
Yep Totally
And as to some sayinng its his husbands marriage he dont require to tell or whatsoever, but his marriage is also affecting others, so it aint exactly his thing only. I dont see what kind of relationship that would be where u dont discuss things
Yep need to discuss it, be open, be honest, dont hide such major matters of concern in my opinion
JazakALlah khair.
I think we near enough have simillar views, iam sure.
outlandish
05-12-06, 04:42 PM
JazakALlah khair.
I think we near enough have simillar views, iam sure.
jazakallah for explaining brother I understand where you are coming from. But I have heard lectures from manys scholars where they showed how the prophet had only one wife till her death and the later marriages were more for politcal reasons etc. So khair i donno
Arsalan
05-12-06, 04:54 PM
jazakallah for explaining brother I understand where you are coming from. But I have heard lectures from manys scholars where they showed how the prophet had only one wife till her death and the later marriages were more for politcal reasons etc. So khair i donno
Allahu Alam, its a delicate one this. As i dont know of any hadith saying "why" or the-nature-of ... Prophet Saaw marriage to the other Wives (RA) , iam sure there are hadith on it though.
This is what i have read too. Prophet married widows and so forth, and to bring people together, and to look after women who were in some sort of troublesome phase in their life, and for tribal /political reasons. A lesson for us to be learned too in the nature of the marriages and how the Prophet was so merciful to women in trouble or who needed to be looked after.
akh arsalan i dont agree with this being an issue for women from "this country" i was born and raised in the uk, have never even been out of europe, and as soon as i accepted Islam 6 years ago, i accepted this issue. The only muslim women who i know personally, who will not "allow" their husbands to marry again are asian and arab women born and raised in the "muslim" lands , and they are especially against this from what i have seen, and if u even discuss the issue with them they see you as some kind of home wrecker :rolleyes:
This is simply an issue of iman, if you beleive in Allah ta ala and accept his wisdom and the deen he ta ala has given us then you accept everything, this is nothing to do with where a woman was born or raised, its simply an issue of do you accept the wisdom of Allah ta ala in making this something normal and permissible for the ummah of Muhammad salallah alleyhi wa salam. khalass sisters we really need to get our heads around this issue and start thinking like muslims, and no "im not strong enough" or "oh im too weak in my iman" is not an excuse hating polygamy or any part of our deen, even if you live by it, is kufr and its not enough to just say oh well i accept it, but just not for myself..there is no acceptance in such statements.
also as equally important,brothers lets stop lumping all muslim sisters from the uk, or from this land, or that land, in the same category based on what "people say" this is spreading a lot of poision throughout the ummah and making false rumours against innocent sisters audu billah.
akh arsalan i dont agree with this being an issue for women from "this country" i was born and raised in the uk, have never even been out of europe, and as soon as i accepted Islam 6 years ago, i accepted this issue. The only muslim women who i know personally, who will not "allow" their husbands to marry again are asian and arab women born and raised in the "muslim" lands , and they are especially against this from what i have seen, and if u even discuss the issue with them they see you as some kind of home wrecker :rolleyes:
This is simply an issue of iman, if you beleive in Allah ta ala and accept his wisdom and the deen he ta ala has given us then you accept everything, this is nothing to do with where a woman was born or raised, its simply an issue of do you accept the wisdom of Allah ta ala in making this something normal and permissible for the ummah of Muhammad salallah alleyhi wa salam. khalass sisters we really need to get our heads around this issue and start thinking like muslims, and no "im not strong enough" or "oh im too weak in my iman" is not an excuse hating polygamy or any part of our deen, even if you live by it, is kufr and its not enough to just say oh well i accept it, but just not for myself..there is no acceptance in such statements.
also as equally important,brothers lets stop lumping all muslim sisters from the uk, or from this land, or that land, in the same category based on what "people say" this is spreading a lot of poision throughout the ummah and making false rumours against innocent sisters audu billah.
sister i understand where u are coming from, really i do, allah swt has said we should alot of things, some are obligatory upon us, some are not and some we have choices in.
NOw wen it comes to practising our religion, did allah swt say its going to be easy? did he say we will easily live our lives as muslims? all sisters i know agree with and know why ploygamy is in islam and none of them disgarees with it, yes some dont wish to be a part of it, but lets not slate them becos they make that choice sis, they are ALLOWED to wish not to be a part of it if they dont want to. Bottom line Allah swt has not made it OBLIGATORY on sisters to practice it, like say hijab etc.
Who are we to say a sister is less in iman becos she doesnt agree to practice polygamy? who are we to say a brother is weak in iman if he does not wish to practice polygamy?
Its a personal choice, there are sisters who wish to be part of polygamy and there are sisters who dont, there are brothers who wish to practice polygamy and there are brothers who dont.
think u misread my post sis, i didnt say people were weak in their iman if they didnt practice polygamy,nor did i judge anyone, i was speaking about this as an issue of belief , as many muslims simply dont believe in practising this , they have a thousand excuses why they cant or shouldnt, and no one is speaking positively about this beautiful part of our deen,and its something that if practiced properly will bring so much benefit in our communities insha Allah. This is part of the way of life of the muslims, not obligatory no, but certainly something permissible and benefical and not something strange to us, no woman can disagree with her husband taking another wife, and ask her husband for a divorce if she doesnt wish to be a part of it, because we have been told that such women who divorce their husbands for no reason will not smell the fragrance of jannah. we are not the people of the book who only believe in monogamy we are the muslims who beleive in the word of Allah ta ala, insha Allah ta ala we dont follow them down the lizard holes..
think u misread my post sis, i didnt say people were weak in their iman if they didnt practice polygamy,nor did i judge anyone, i was speaking about this as an issue of belief , as many muslims simply dont believe in practising this , they have a thousand excuses why they cant or shouldnt, and no one is speaking positively about this beautiful part of our deen,and its something that if practiced properly will bring so much benefit in our communities insha Allah. This is part of the way of life of the muslims, not obligatory no, but certainly something permissible and benefical and not something strange to us, no woman can disagree with her husband taking another wife, and ask her husband for a divorce if she doesnt wish to be a part of it, because we have been told that such women who divorce their husbands for no reason will not smell the fragrance of jannah. we are not the people of the book who only believe in monogamy we are the muslims who beleive in the word of Allah ta ala, insha Allah ta ala we dont follow them down the lizard holes..
i took your statement below:]
"This is simply an issue of iman, if you beleive in Allah ta ala and accept his wisdom and the deen he ta ala has given us then you accept everything"
as judging peoples imaan becos they do not wish to practice it, like i said it is not obligatory on sisters OR brothers adn if either party does not wish to participate in polygamy then thats upto them.
Yes it is yet another beautiful part of islam but it is not obligatory and people have been given a choice, becos its not jus about marrying more than one wife, alot of responibility comes with practising polygamy
i took your statement below:]
"This is simply an issue of iman, if you beleive in Allah ta ala and accept his wisdom and the deen he ta ala has given us then you accept everything"
as judging peoples imaan becos they do not wish to practice it, like i said it is not obligatory on sisters OR brothers adn if either party does not wish to participate in polygamy then thats upto them.
iman means belief as far as i understood so im just saying there that its a part of our belief that polygamy is something normal and usual for muslims and we should have no disagreement with it, in theory or in practice insha Allah. :)
iman means belief as far as i understood so im just saying there that its a part of our belief that polygamy is something normal and usual for muslims and we should have no disagreement with it, in theory or in practice insha Allah. :)
oh ok cool sis my mistake.
like i said sis, everyone i know , believes in polygamy but some jus dont wish to practice it, they may have 100's of reason not wanting to but i dont think its a bad thing on them?
tahm563
05-12-06, 08:38 PM
I dont know what the big deal is, i wasnt raised with this idea of a man taking more than one wife, it was something completely unacceptable to me, but when i read the words of Allah ta ala and saw the wisdom in that i accepted it immediately.
When we become muslim we have to start thinking like muslims, and muslims dont have any problem with polygamy, in fact as we all know to dislike or hate something from our religion even if we abide by it, is kufr! The prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam used to announce his forthcoming marrige to his wives, he salallahu alleyhi wa salam, knew how to handle his buisness masha Allah, didnt need to ask his wives "permission" because its his marriage, he would tell his wives, and then go and marry, and as the shaikh said above masha Allah he doesnt need anyone permission.
I think sisters should remember this is none of their buisness, its their husbands marriage, its up to him, and no one else. Her only buisness is taking care of her own marriage. Her husband is the one who has to stand before Allah ta ala and answer for any injustices, so its completly up to the husband, and not any of his wives wether he can afford to remarry or wether he can be just or not. The husband is the amir of the family, and if you dont trust your own husband to know what hes doing and to be your amir then...well why are you married to him..
what i dont understand and this is to all the muslims from families that have been muslim for generations masha Allah, is why have muslims of today not got their heads around this issue yet ? they have had 1400 years to get over it. Its really not good enough, and quite worrying that were still sitting here discussing this, and not loving this part of our deen as brother meer said even some muslim societies cant handle it...
Salam. Surely, the husband is the amir, and he has a right over us, but that does not mean we will sit and watch him do something wrongly (if he does it wrong). Let me give you an example.Say your husband is quite poor, he can't provide well enough for you and your family. Knowing that, he still insists on marrying another wife, while he doesn't really have the means to do so. In that case, I think the wife should remind the husband of his responsiblities of being the sole maintainer and that he must provide sufficiently for both his wives. A wife always has the right to advice her husband if she fears that it will lead him to jahannam. There were many cases where the wives of the prophet adviced prophet(SAW). They could have just kept quiet and say it's his business. They didn't. It is not only the duty of the wife, but the duty of every muslim. Some wisdom might be gained from this answer.
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=2676&CATE=10http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=3594&CATE=10
And brothers and sisters, there are so many sunnahs we don't follow. Yet we are always arguing about aspects of deen which we like/dislike. Don't you think it is time to leave this topic and move on? If a matter has been decided by Allah, then we should not question it. Also, most importantly, we should remember we must follow Allah's order word by word. You must be prepared to accept and practice every conditions attached to that order.Many men practice polygamy but do not fulfill their obligations towards their wives. Unfortunately, many men at this age falls under this category. Remember this hadith:
Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “A man who has two wives and he does not deal justly with them will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.” (Sunan Tirmizi, no. 1141)
Being fair in fulfilling all social, economical and physical needs is much harder done than said. Even Allah(SWT) mentions this in the Quran:
“You are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)... (Surah al-Nisa, 129).
Also, for the brothers, how many of you would follow the sunnah of the prophet when it comes to your first marriage? He married a 40 years old divorcee when he was 25 years old. How many of you are willing to do that? Also, at the time of prophet (SAW), prophet and his companions were very steadfast in their deen, they were extremely just. How many brothers are like them in recent times? Very few, very very few.
Also, for the brothers, how many of you would follow the sunnah of the prophet when it comes to your first marriage? He married a 40 years old divorcee when he was 25 years old. How many of you are willing to do that? Also, at the time of prophet (SAW), prophet and his companions were very steadfast in their deen, they were extremely just. How many brothers are like them in recent times? Very few, very very few.
wa alaikum salam sah masha Allah, may Allah ta ala bless this ummah with many more muslim men like that amin
Arsalan
05-12-06, 09:37 PM
akh arsalan i dont agree with this being an issue for women from "this country" i was born and raised in the uk, have never even been out of europe, and as soon as i accepted Islam 6 years ago, i accepted this issue. The only muslim women who i know personally, who will not "allow" their husbands to marry again are asian and arab women born and raised in the "muslim" lands , and they are especially against this from what i have seen, and if u even discuss the issue with them they see you as some kind of home wrecker :rolleyes:
Salams sis
I tihnk reverts often think differently to those "born as muslim" in this country. More of a freash and orthodox way of thinking i recon, going back to basic princieples.
Well when i said what i said, i was thinking of asian and arab women born in this country. Of course i dont have statistics to back up my opinion. But its gathered from my sense of culture in muslims born here, as well as information gleaned from the experience of various male acquaitenances ( from various backgrounds) on the issue. As for those born abroad.. i dont know much about them, but i would not be surprised if they are not in favour of Polygomy in some way or another. - Its a general trend nowadays, sadly, and being utterly irreligious doesnt help ( e.g. not praying, and so forth)
This is simply an issue of iman, if you beleive in Allah ta ala and accept his wisdom and the deen he ta ala has given us then you accept everything, this is nothing to do with where a woman was born or raised, its simply an issue of do you accept the wisdom of Allah ta ala in making this something normal and permissible for the ummah of Muhammad salallah alleyhi wa salam. khalass sisters we really need to get our heads around this issue and start thinking like muslims, and no "im not strong enough" or "oh im too weak in my iman" is not an excuse hating polygamy or any part of our deen, even if you live by it, is kufr and its not enough to just say oh well i accept it, but just not for myself..there is no acceptance in such statements.
Thats what i think too, as i tried to get across in my previous post...
also as equally important,brothers lets stop lumping all muslim sisters from the uk, or from this land, or that land, in the same category based on what "people say" this is spreading a lot of poision throughout the ummah and making false rumours against innocent sisters audu billah.
Faire enough point.. which sort of cancells out my opinion ( woops). But when i say what i say, its not referring to ALL sisters of course, that would be short sighted. But its the general feeling we brothers get sometimes.
.............
sah i can see why brothers may feel that way i have yet to meet a muslim woman in person who has no problem or some kind of an excuse for not practising polygamy, but for the sisters who have no problem with it, we have several problems, because the muslim men are afraid because of what their wives will say and how difficult she can make his life for him, secondly if a woman agrees with polygamy she is vilified by some other women as if its something wrong and as if shes some kind of witch who better stay away from "her" man if u said to a sister i want to marry your husband..well say it and then run would be a lot safer, and mention polygamy as an unmarried sister then be prepared not to be invited to your married sisters house again.
Then if a woman does find a brother to marry and they get through those fitan then some of the community can start spreading rumours etc. concerning themselves with something that is after all a normal islamic practice masha Allah. Like i said i find it quite ajeeb that this is not the usual for muslims today when so many sisters are unmarried and struggling wether they are alone, still living with parents, or raising muslim kids and a child growing up with a good male role model even a step father, is far better off than a child growing up with no father at all, and some women are even begging from the kufar on the dole,benefits etc, or are having to go out and work amongst the kufar alone. Allahu alam i think its just wrong polygamy is the solution to so many social issues we face today.
NaBiiHa
05-12-06, 10:51 PM
akh arsalan i dont agree with this being an issue for women from "this country" i was born and raised in the uk, have never even been out of europe, and as soon as i accepted Islam 6 years ago, i accepted this issue. The only muslim women who i know personally, who will not "allow" their husbands to marry again are asian and arab women born and raised in the "muslim" lands , and they are especially against this from what i have seen, and if u even discuss the issue with them they see you as some kind of home wrecker :rolleyes:
:D:D Home wrecker
Its true some women will not "allow" theyr husband get another wife. And sis asiya its not only being asian, arab or being raised in muslim lands i belive its becouse they just don wanna "share" theyr husbands with some other women. :rolleyes: :D
:D:D Home wrecker
Its true some women will not "allow" theyr husband get another wife. And sis asiya its not only being asian, arab or being raised in muslim lands i belive its becouse they just don wanna "share" theyr husbands with some other women. :rolleyes: :D
true i agree sis, this is the problem we should be thinking in terms of our husbands remarrying at some point being the norm, but instead many are expecting to live the fairy tale romance of the kuffar family unit with the standard 2.5 children audu billah
Tahiyah
06-12-06, 12:31 AM
why would a man ever need to hide something like that from his wife? if it is lawful for him, he should face her and not be a coward and do it behind her back. it will only cause more pain later. jihad of the naffs is much tougher on women then it is on men, in situations like this.
may Allah (swt) grant the highest station of Jennah to all righteous sisters in polygyny. ameen.
Desipower
06-12-06, 01:01 AM
I can't believe this stupid thread is still on going. Muslim men may marry upto 4 and they don't need any reason for it. If you don't like it and he thinks he can find a better wife than you, then he can kick your behind out. So worry about fulfilling your duties a wife first before crying about anything else. 2ndly, right now there are about 5 women to a man and one day it'll be 50 to one man. When women will be throwing themselves at man to be his women, whose going to ask you ms. monogamous? 3rdly, when you get married then deal with this issue or if you don't want a 2nd wife then have it written in your prenuptial agreement, don't whine over here about it.
------------------------------
Islam's Position on Polygamy
Muslims are often accused of being promiscuous because polygamy is legal in Islam.
Islam did not introduce polygamy. Unrestricted polygamy was practiced in most human societies throughout the world in every age. Islam regulated polygamy by limiting the number of wives and establishing responsibility in its practice.
Monogamy of the West inherited from Greece and Rome where men were restricted by law to one wife but were free to have as many mistresses among the majority slave population as they wished. In the West today, most married men have extramarital relations with mistresses, girlfriends and prostitutes. Consequently the Western claim to monogamy is false.
Monogamy illogical. If a man wishes to have a second wife whom he takes care of and whose children carry his name and he provides for he is considered a criminal, bigamist, who may be sentenced to years in jail. However, if he has numerous mistresses and illegitimate children his relation is considered legal.
Men created polygamous because of a need in human society. There is normally a surplus of women in most human societies.1 (http://www.allaahuakbar.net/womens/islams_position_on_polygamy.htm#footnote) The surplus is a result of men dying in wars, violent crimes and women outliving men.2 (http://www.allaahuakbar.net/womens/islams_position_on_polygamy.htm#footnote) The upsurge in homosexuality further increases the problem. If systems do not cater to the need of surplus women it will result in corruption in society. Example, Germany after World War II, when suggestions to legalize polygamy were rejected by the Church. Resulting in the legalization of prostitution. German prostitutes are considered as workers like any other profession. They receive health benefits and pay taxes like any other citizen. Furthermore, the rate of marriage has been steadily declining as each succeeding generation finds the institution of marriage more and more irrelevant.
Western anthropologists argue that polygamy is a genetic trait by which the strongest genes of the generation are passed on. Example, the lion king, the strongest of the pack, monopolizes the females thereby insuring that the next generation of lion cubs will be his offspring.
Institutional polygamy prevents the spread of diseases like Herpes and AIDS. Such venereal diseases spread in promiscuous societies where extra-marital affairs abound.
Polygamy protects the interests of women and children in society. Men, in Western society make the laws. They prefer to keep polygamy illegal because it absolves them of responsibility. Legalized polygamy would require them to spend on their additional wives and their offspring. Monogamy allows them to enjoy extra-marital affairs without economic consequence.
Only a minority will practice polygamy in Muslim society. In spite of polygamy being legal in Muslim countries, only 10-15% of Muslims in these countries practice polygamy. Although the majority of men would like to have more than one wife, they cannot afford the expense of maintaining more than one family. Even those who are financially capable of looking after additional families are often reluctant due to the psychological burdens of handling more than one wife. The family problems and marital disputes are multiplied in plural marriages.
Conditions have been added for polygamy in many Muslim countries. For example, in Egypt, the permission of the first wife must first be obtained. This and similar conditions are a result of colonial domination. No woman in her right mind will give her husband permission to take a second wife. Such a condition, in fact, negates the permission given by God in the Qur'an.
Others have accepted polygamy on condition that it not be for “lust”. That is, if the wife is ill, or unable to bear children, or unable to fulfill the husband's sexual needs, etc., taking a second wife is acceptable. Otherwise it becomes “lust” on the husband's part and is consequently not acceptable. The reality is that “lust” was involved in the marriage of the first wife. Why is it acceptable in the case of the first and not the second? As has already been pointed out, men are polygamous by nature. To try to curb it by such conditions will only lead to corruption in society.
Feminists may object to this male right by insisting that women should also be able to practice polygamy. However, a woman marrying four husbands would only increase the problem of surplus women. Furthermore, no child would accept his or her mother identifying the father by the “eeny meeny miney mo” method. The question which remains is, “If God is good and wishes good for His creatures, why did he legislate something which would be harmful to most women?” Divine legislation looks at the society as a whole seeking to maximize benefit. If a certain legislation benefits the majority of the society and causes some emotional harm to a minority, the general welfare of society is given precedence.
written by
Dr. Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips
Footnotes
1. Russia: 46.1% male to 53.9% female; UK: 48.6% male to 51.5% female; USA: 48.8% male to 51.2% female; Brazil: 49.7% male to 50.27% female (The New Encyclopaedia Britannica, vol. 17, pp. 34, 270, 244). Exceptions in China and India due to wide-spread infanticide on a national scale.
2. According to the Center for Health Statistics, American women today can expect to live to be 77.9 years old, while men can only expect to live to 70.3.
(http://www.allaahuakbar.net/APPEAL.HTM)
outlandish
06-12-06, 08:29 AM
I can't believe this stupid thread is still on going. Muslim men may marry upto 4 and they don't need any reason for it. If you don't like it and he thinks he can find a better wife than you, then he can kick your behind out. So worry about fulfilling your duties a wife first before crying about anything else. .
(http://www.allaahuakbar.net/APPEAL.HTM)
Kick your behind out?Your lecturing other about polygamy and look at ur language and the way u suppose a man should treat his wife. Why dont u get worried about fullfulling the roles as a husband first before posting crap such as this and crying on and on about it. Men always go on ranting ohh its the sunnah etc than what part of the sunnah are u practising when u gonna kick ur wife's behind han?SO easy always picking up things we like and than go on ranting about it forever, while other parts we always ignore.While that part is always ignored that the wife is not obliged to accept this.
what is the daleel to state that a woman can say no to her husband remarrying i often hear this said, but i have asked several scolars who all stated that there is no such daleel, and that a woman who asks for a divorce because her husband remarries will be asking for a divorce for no reason (other than her own jelousy) and the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said such a woman will not smell the fragrance of Jannah.
sometimes i hear people saying oh i will put it as a condition in the marriage contract that he cannot remarry or i will divorce him if he does, but this is something that is a mans right given to him by Allah ta ala, and a woman cannot take the right that Allah ta ala gave him away, and make the halal haram for her husband. Allahu alam but i await daleel from The Quran or Allah ta ala messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam that it is allowed to forbid your husband to remarry, and for those sisters who forbid it, just think of the damage you do to muslim society in not allowing your muslim sisters a husband too. as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said " none of you truely believes until he loves for his brother (applies to sisters too) what he loves for himself "
outlandish
06-12-06, 11:27 AM
sorry sis but I have also read from scholars as well that if a woman feels she can not deal with it and feels it so strong as to take divorce than she can take divorce since there is no daleel either which commands her to stay in such a situation, that is reason enough since it aint all jealousy that she feels jealous from the sis,it certainly changes her marriage as well.So maybe we should just give our sisters a break instead of forcing things upon each other and forcing something unto them which is not obligatory upon them.
sorry sis but I have also read from scholars as well that if a woman feels she can not deal with it and feels it so strong as to take divorce than she can take divorce since there is no daleel either which commands her to stay in such a situation, that is reason enough since it aint all jealousy that she feels jealous from the sis,it certainly changes her marriage as well.So maybe we should just give our sisters a break instead of forcing things upon each other and forcing something unto them which is not obligatory upon them.
Can you post what you read from the scholars please.
outlandish
06-12-06, 11:33 AM
sure was from q&a will have to search now:rolleyes:
outlandish
06-12-06, 11:40 AM
Question:
My wife and i have discused me having a second wife and she sayes that if i do then she would devorse me.we did not get married by the kafirs but we do have a islamic contract. and there was no agreement on that contract forbiding me from taking a second wife.so my question is .Is it permisable for her to deny me this?And is'nt she making the hallal harram on me. my wife is a good muslimah (I.S.A.) and she would respect a answer whith proof. jazallahkum ma lakair
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If a man is able to marry a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to take a second wife, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:3]
And this was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and of his Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), but apart from the Prophet, no one is permitted to have more than four wives.
It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it existed in the best of righteous women, the Sahaabiyyaat, and even in the Mothers of the Believers [the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)]. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allaah has prescribed, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. According to a hadeeth whose authenticity is agreed upon, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever pays attention to his brother’s needs, Allaah will pay attention to his needs.”
The first wife’s consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows:
“It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”
Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula’ [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).
If she bears it with patience, then Allaah will make it easier for her and will expand her chest (i.e., grant her peace and calm), and will compensate her with something good. The husband must also help her by treating her kindly, being patient with her for any jealousy etc. on her part, and overlooking her mistakes. And Allaah is the source of help.
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah al-Haydari. (www.islam-qa.com (http://www.islam-qa.com/))
tahm563
06-12-06, 11:59 AM
what is the daleel to state that a woman can say no to her husband remarrying i often hear this said, but i have asked several scolars who all stated that there is no such daleel, and that a woman who asks for a divorce because her husband remarries will be asking for a divorce for no reason (other than her own jelousy) and the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said such a woman will not smell the fragrance of Jannah.
sometimes i hear people saying oh i will put it as a condition in the marriage contract that he cannot remarry or i will divorce him if he does, but this is something that is a mans right given to him by Allah ta ala, and a woman cannot take the right that Allah ta ala gave him away, and make the halal haram for her husband. Allahu alam but i await daleel from The Quran or Allah ta ala messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam that it is allowed to forbid your husband to remarry, and for those sisters who forbid it, just think of the damage you do to muslim society in not allowing your muslim sisters a husband too. as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said " none of you truely believes until he loves for his brother (applies to sisters too) what he loves for himself "
Salam sis. This answer might help. Woman can ask for Khula though.
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=452&ln=eng&txt=woman%20seek%20want%20divorce
tahm563
06-12-06, 12:06 PM
Can you post what you read from the scholars please.
Answered by Shaykh Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf Mangera
Regarding divorce: Is unhappiness, change of heart (feelings towards your spouse), and incompatibility with one another a valid Islamic reason for divorce? We have tried many times to stay together but neither one of us are happy. I have talked to many Alimas, Maulanas, sheikhs, etc... and at first, they told us to try and see what happens. That was 5 months ago and both of us are unhappy with one another. Can we have a divorce?
Assalamu alaykum
In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful
There are a few things that you can consider at this point.
One is the consequences of separating. What would happen to the children [if any]in the event of a divorce? Sometimes a couple just have to stay together for the sake of their children.
What would you do after a divorce? Would you marry again or not? Would you be happier after divorce or would their be many other problems like having to work and support yourself and so on?
This is in the situation that you are not able to reconcile the differences between you and gain happiness. If there is a possibility of remaining together as husband and wife and fulfilling each other's rights then that for sure would be the best option, since divorce is the most disliked of the permissible actions in Islam.
If you do not see any other way to resolve the issue then divorce would be permissible in this case. Let us look at the following hadith related by Imam Bukhari on the authority of 'Abdullah ibn 'Abbas radhiyallahu anahu:
The wife of Thabit ibn Qays came to the Messenger of Allah (upon him be peace) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I do not have any complaints about Thabit ibn Qays in regards to any issue of character or religion. However, I dislike unbelief [kufr] in Islam. The Messenger (upon him be peace) asked her is she was prepared to return his orchard to him [that he had given to her as marriage payment]. She agreed, so the Messenger (upon him be peace) told him to accept the orchard and grant her one divorce.
She articulated her feelings of not wishing to stay with him any longer and wanting separation in the following terms "However, I dislike unbelief [kufr] in Islam," meaning that since there is no love between us, I do not want it to lead to disobeying him or anything else that may come there off.
She did not have any other complaint against him which she made clear, but the bond was just not present, so the Messenger (upon him be peace) told her she could seek a divorce. This is because Islam does not force people to remain together if there are valid reasons for separation.
Hence, if you feel that your situation is also such that despite having exhausted all methods of reconciliation you are just unable to be together, then divorce would be an option.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf
If the husband takes a second wife, it is possible that that the first wife may fear falling into disobeying Allah, e.g., being angry at her husband, not treating him well, not being able to love him any more. In those conditions, it is probably better for her to leave the marriage than disobey Allah.
sorry sis but I have also read from scholars as well that if a woman feels she can not deal with it and feels it so strong as to take divorce than she can take divorce since there is no daleel either which commands her to stay in such a situation, that is reason enough since it aint all jealousy that she feels jealous from the sis,it certainly changes her marriage as well.So maybe we should just give our sisters a break instead of forcing things upon each other and forcing something unto them which is not obligatory upon them.
Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula’ [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).
Guess it all depends on how you view the hadith about asking for divorce without a valid reason Allahualam personally i wouldnt risk throwing away jannah because i was jelous about my husband re-marrying, Allahu alam its easy to say well its the womans choice but what choice do unmarried sisters have of ever getting married then? surely by being selfish our sisters are denying their other sisters the beauty of marriage, and protection from falling into fitnah women have needs too men arent the only ones.
To give you a practical example of what forbidding polygamy means, In my area the only practising muslim men are all married, as a woman i cannot travel without a mahram nor can i go elsewhere to seek a husband because im a revert so no family or muslims to help me with that and the walli has to be well known and trusted or how will i know he will choose a good husband for me...
so whats my options? marry some stranger from the internet who could be some kind of mentally ill mysogonist for all i know? risk falling into fitnah? marry a non practising "muslim"? or loose all hope of ever having children,and a husband and a family ? ( which i what i had been dreaming of since i was about 6 years old ) there are brothers who would like to marry again but their wives "wont let them" , so whats the practical solution because im not the only one in this situation there are thousands of women like me, forbidding this for our husbands is to forbid our sisters the joy of marriage. just to show that sometimes if we walk in another persons shoes, and the wisdom of Allah perfect deen becomes apparent insha Allah.
outlandish
06-12-06, 01:20 PM
Sister my intent was not to come over as being against polygamy or forbid my husband from marrying since this is not something I think we can ever control.
But if there were a situation like u explained I would let him do it if a sister needed his support etc. I myself would chose not to stay in that marriage since I know I wouldnt like him as I used to before,so I wouldnt be able to fulfill my proper duties as a wife, and I dont feel I need a caretaker in the form of a husband. For me marriage is not all about support and maintenance, for that I seek help from Allah only, I dont need a man for that.
But what I dont like and what I see mostly that using polygamy as an excuse u see men marrying young girls ,unmarried ones,and not really divorces or widows whom really might need their help. I read many post on site such as askimam where men mostly in the 40's say their marrying some kid 12 years old coz hey his first wife wasnt able to satisfy him anymore and now he chose someone younger than his own kids for that purpose. Call me bad or whatever for saying this,but I personally would shoot such a man
sah agreed ukhti it goes without saying that the marriage should be for the deen, and not for beauty and carnal satisfaction, every man will get what he deserves when he marries without the right intention, its very sad to hear that such things are going on and as a revert its always a shock to hear things like this,I live in this little dream world where every muslim is living by Quran and sahih sunnah, behaving as the sahabbas did, and where the brothers would do anything to protect the honour of their sisters,and more especially their wives, and where the sisters are the support of their sisters in Islam, and where the muslims do what should be done and put their personal desires aside, subhanAllah, La howla wala qalta illah billah, may Allah ta ala guide us all amin.
Desipower
06-12-06, 06:22 PM
Kick your behind out?Your lecturing other about polygamy and look at ur language and the way u suppose a man should treat his wife. Why dont u get worried about fullfulling the roles as a husband first before posting crap such as this and crying on and on about it. Men always go on ranting ohh its the sunnah etc than what part of the sunnah are u practising when u gonna kick ur wife's behind han?SO easy always picking up things we like and than go on ranting about it forever, while other parts we always ignore.While that part is always ignored that the wife is not obliged to accept this.
No need to be touchy about it, that's the reality and learn to deal with it. Why do you think men start looking for extra-maritial relationship? Obviously there's something missing at home that makes him start looking around. We often blame men when so many problems can be fixed just by fixing ourselves first. A normal desi women watches indian movies, gossips to neighbors about anything and fights with husband over my family is better than yours and what not. When she learns to raise her kids islamically rather then spend her time watching crap and talking crap about others, when she give's her husband his rights and treat him as the leader of the house rather then confronting him all the time, when she learns to follow the footsteps of the wives of the Prophet s.a.w. and the husband fails to fulfill his duties then she can complain about it. A woman is a mother, teacher, nurturer, mentor, advisor, companion. A whole society is built on how good or bad she is. If she raises her children islamically rather then living her own life unislamically then we'll have the men in society who imitate the life of the Prophet *S* instead of the kuffars, and who will make better husband, dads, polticians, etc. It all starts with a woman and her house. Fix ourselves and we can raise a nation of mujahids, a nation of mumins, a nation of true believers.
outlandish
07-12-06, 01:30 PM
No need to be touchy about it, that's the reality and learn to deal with it.
Its not the reality just ur own goofed up ideas u have of so called desi women and maybe coz of the women u see close around u. If ur so concerned about such women ,than dont marry one like that, if u married someone coz of her deen u wouldnt see such things, but oh yeah men always prefer the looks han:rolleyes: .
dhakiyya
07-12-06, 02:46 PM
Outlandish, you are arguing like Desipower is a brother, yet I think she's a sister. (if she's not then I'd be very worried about a bro calling himself "desiprincess" lol :D)
She makes some excellent points in her post. The quality of the next generation's Muslims does depend on how women behave and raise our children.
"The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world"
Desipower
07-12-06, 04:34 PM
Its not the reality just ur own goofed up ideas u have of so called desi women and maybe coz of the women u see close around u. If ur so concerned about such women ,than dont marry one like that, if u married someone coz of her deen u wouldnt see such things, but oh yeah men always prefer the looks han:rolleyes: .
If you think it's not reality then you need to get out more my dear. Ask any desi in your area or this forum and they'll tell you what a typical desi women does. And no, desi are not the only ones either. Arab women are the same as well. When you see an arab women walking outsid with a hijab on but her teenager doesn then what to do the non-muslims think? "It must not be important enough to teach your daughter huh?"
If we want better men so we don't complain about them, then we need to produce better men ourselves. If we focus on raising them islamically rather then cling to the bad stuff of our culture then we have no one to blame but ourselves if men are corrupt these days. What foundation have we given them other then birthday parties, movies, sleep over at friends, and friendship with non-muslims.
lastly, if you want to fight sis, atleast get the gender right :D
ur_yusra
08-12-06, 11:34 PM
akh arsalan i dont agree with this being an issue for women from "this country" i was born and raised in the uk, have never even been out of europe, and as soon as i accepted Islam 6 years ago, i accepted this issue. The only muslim women who i know personally, who will not "allow" their husbands to marry again are asian and arab women born and raised in the "muslim" lands , and they are especially against this from what i have seen, and if u even discuss the issue with them they see you as some kind of home wrecker :rolleyes:
This is simply an issue of iman, if you beleive in Allah ta ala and accept his wisdom and the deen he ta ala has given us then you accept everything, this is nothing to do with where a woman was born or raised, its simply an issue of do you accept the wisdom of Allah ta ala in making this something normal and permissible for the ummah of Muhammad salallah alleyhi wa salam. khalass sisters we really need to get our heads around this issue and start thinking like muslims, and no "im not strong enough" or "oh im too weak in my iman" is not an excuse hating polygamy or any part of our deen, even if you live by it, is kufr and its not enough to just say oh well i accept it, but just not for myself..there is no acceptance in such statements.
also as equally important,brothers lets stop lumping all muslim sisters from the uk, or from this land, or that land, in the same category based on what "people say" this is spreading a lot of poision throughout the ummah and making false rumours against innocent sisters audu billah.
So true..
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