View Full Version : Not told prior to marriage my wife is mentally ill
He found out after marriage that his wife is mentally ill. Should he ask for the mahr to be returned?
Question:
I married and later on I discovered my wife has psychological problem. Her other sister are ok. They only agree to have MEHR_Missal at that time (as I do not about her problem). I already give her MEHR.
Under such condition what MEHR suppose to be. I feel is a total fraud.
Is Mehr suppose to be justified again?
Although, I am on terrible road of marriage life.
It is probably possible that (if there is a separation) she can use that same MEHR money against me by hiring good lawyer and get most out of the USA law (against me). What I can do in this situation?
Jazakallah Khair!
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Refer to a sharee’ah judge (qaadi) if there is any qaadi there. If not, then if the man has consummated the marriage with the woman, the mahr must be given to her because of having had intercourse with her. As for this sickness, if it prevented him from consummating the marriage or put him off from doing that properly, then whatever was paid to the one who tricked him into this marriage should give it back, if he was tricked. If that is not the case, then he does not deserve anything because he did not ask enough questions and find out information properly.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
this is so sad, i knwo of at least one poor brother who was duped into marrying a mentally unstable woman, but mashallah he stayed with her and didnt marry again, cos he felt so guilty leaving her in her condition.
I dunno how poeple sleep at night wen they mess around with peoples lives like this
ive actually heard of it more commonly with women being duped into marrying metally unstable men, especially back home when the women are from perhaps very poor family and cannot 'afford' anything better. . :(
I know of a man whose mother pushed him into marrying her neice who is mentally unstable. His mother was thinking this would be one way of settling her neices life because her parents wont be around forever but she didn't consider that she was ruining her sons life- even though they all knew about the niece's condition. He is too loyal a person to abandon his wife and they now have two teenage children; one son who is normal (I only know the son, he's very sweet mashallah), and one daughter who is even more severely disabled than the mother (I think maybe physically as well as mentally). The son is very intelligent but wont consider any ambitions or further study because like his father, he feels he is needed at home too much. When the father/son leave the house, they have to lock the door from the outside because they say the mother and daughter could otherwise wander around, go missing and have no clue as to who they are, where they're going or what to do in the outside world and that makes them very vulnerable. The father is very close to his son because he feels he is the only normal person he can talk to at home and it's a HUGE responsibility to put on such small shoulders:(
I know of a man whose mother pushed him into marrying her neice who is mentally unstable. His mother was thinking this would be one way of settling her neices life because her parents wont be around forever but she didn't consider that she was ruining her sons life- even though they all knew about the niece's condition. He is too loyal a person to abandon his wife and they now have two teenage children; one son who is normal (I only know the son, he's very sweet mashallah), and one daughter who is even more severely disabled than the mother (I think maybe physically as well as mentally). The son is very intelligent but wont consider any ambitions or further study because like his father, he feels he is needed at home too much. When the father/son leave the house, they have to lock the door from the outside because they say the mother and daughter could otherwise wander around, go missing and have no clue as to who they are, where they're going or what to do in the outside world and that makes them very vulnerable. The father is very close to his son because he feels he is the only normal person he can talk to at home and it's a HUGE responsibility to put on such small shoulders:(
that is sooo sad *sad face*
May allah swr reward them, grant them sabr and make them steadfast in his way.
This is what Ignorance can do and jus plain selfishness
Medievalist
04-12-06, 09:53 PM
ive actually heard of it more commonly with women being duped into marrying metally unstable men, especially back home when the women are from perhaps very poor family and cannot 'afford' anything better. . :(
I know. There's a guy in rotherham whose a nutcase, cant even speak properly, cant understand him at all and he got married a few months back in PK. Thats out of order - why do people trap their daughters in such marriages?
:torture:
And people who are stupid enough to decieve grooms play with fire. Tomorrow if the man acts like a nutcase himself and treats her like rubbish then they'll moan and complain - they put their daughters at the mercy and whims of a complete stranger - even if the son-in-law is gud such parents deserve beats.:torture:
Salman Al-Farsi
05-12-06, 08:41 AM
subhanAllah, we know this family lives in our area, they have a son who has been mentally unstable since childhood. He is now in his late 20s, his parents took him to pak and married him off :eek:
When I heard about this, I was so angry becuase how can people be so non-sensical? His parents adn moreover the girl's parents, how stupid are they to marry off thier young daugther to an insane person :smack:
If I had my way, I would publicly execute his parents, her parents and the imam who done the nikah.
i know a guy with mental problems... but not that bad... just low IQ... he married someone in the same mental state as him... they get on well mashaAllah :up:
Not being able to find good spouses for their children is one of the reasons why many people keep mental illness/MH problems hidden. (Reams of academic literature on this). On top of stigma from the community, ostracisation, breaking down of family ties etc
The parents are more concerned about "fulfilling" their duties, when infact they may not be aware that a mentally unstable person (depending on severity of illness) is not required to be married off, keep fasts, and so on and so forth, those things that are otherwise obligatory for the rest.
Some are more concerned about what people will say, nevermind the fact they are potentially ruining someone else's life - their own reputation and status in the "community" matters more than how someone's life is going to pan out.
Wonderful attitudes :up:
Not being able to find good spouses for their children is one of the reasons why many people keep mental illness/MH problems hidden. (Reams of academic literature on this). On top of stigma from the community, ostracisation, breaking down of family ties etc
The parents are more concerned about "fulfilling" their duties, when infact they may not be aware that a mentally unstable person (depending on severity of illness) is not required to be married off, keep fasts, and so on and so forth, those things that are otherwise obligatory for the rest.
Some are more concerned about what people will say, nevermind the fact they are potentially ruining someone else's life - their own reputation and status in the "community" matters more than how someone's life is going to pan out.
Wonderful attitudes :up:
so true ebs, it outstounds me when parents refuse to send their choldren to special schools catered for their disabilities and insist on having a mainstream education for them until 16! why? because they dont want their childs disability becoming public knowledge! they would rather hinder that child then face the 'humiliation' of having a child with a disbaility. its so sad.
My twin uncles were/is severly disabled and people back home were like, why arent they married? :( just sickening. daughters for sale crap.
subhanAllah, we know this family lives in our area, they have a son who has been mentally unstable since childhood. He is now in his late 20s, his parents took him to pak and married him off :eek:
When I heard about this, I was so angry becuase how can people be so non-sensical? His parents adn moreover the girl's parents, how stupid are they to marry off thier young daugther to an insane person :smack:
I know how you feel. Because my own brother who is 25 .. in Mentally disabled.
Every1 teases him about marriage but noway would any of us let him get married .. Simply because it would ruin the other persons life and how would you know how hes treated behind closed doors?
I know how you feel. Because my own brother who is 25 .. in Mentally disabled.
Every1 teases him about marriage but noway would any of us let him get married .. Simply because it would ruin the other persons life and how would you know how hes treated behind closed doors?
:(
:D .. whats up?
thinkin of bhai jaan :spunch:
Ibn-e-Muslim
05-12-06, 10:46 AM
i feel sorry about it how ever Allah tests ppl, may Allah reward u taking care of him Ameen
Another thing I wanted to add is that people have this assumption mental illness is "catching". :wacko: Ignoramuses. Thats another reason why if people hear of someone being mentally ill - that entire family can potentially become social pariah's.
There's no conclusive link or studies of it being "learned", "genetic" or a bit of both.
Dumb people :smack:
Another thing I wanted to add is that people have this assumption mental illness is "catching". :wacko: Ignoramuses. Thats another reason why if people hear of someone being mentally ill - that entire family become social pariah's.
There's no conclusive link or studies of it being "learned", "genetic" or a bit of both.
Dumb people :smack:
what about depression and schizophrenia?
the former i think may be hereditory?
thinkin of bhai jaan :spunch:
yep :D
what about depression and schizophrenia?
Depression - they say there is a genetic link. Same with schizophrenia. Szaz and Laing are fierce opponents to this theory for schizophrenia - they blame it on family pressures/society.
BUT what these studies fail to do when investigating these claims is look at the environment.
If you have a family member who is depressed - their behaviour, thinking styles etc are bound to have some effect if not rub off on you. Now that comes under the "nurture" argument.
The "nature" argument would be you are genetically predisposed to such problems - dep/schizo.
From what I've read, and my own critique of things - I don't agree with it purely being genetic or purely being learned. I'd say its "genetic" only to the extent that it predisposes you IF you are put into such an environment and are constantly exposed to it.
RD Laing or KD Laing
dont know much about either cept one crops up in philosophy and i ignore him.
dementia is'nt heriditory is it? terrible illness :(
RD Laing
Dementia...Not that I know of sis.
not you :torture:
:D .. Wateva you say .. :wacko:
RD Laing
Dementia...Not that I know of sis.
KD lang sang constant craving. what a depressing song.
Lambo5688
05-12-06, 11:15 PM
When I hear of mentally disabled people and physically disables people I get really sad. Then I get mad at myself for wanting stuff, because im worried about getting a PS3, a car, etc., and there are people out there who cant think for themselves or cant see or talk. Make me really sad.
Lambo5688
05-12-06, 11:20 PM
I was once at a gathering, and there was this baby there. Mashallah the cutest baby I ever say. I sat next to his carriage and started to say his name and shake his hand a bit. The baby would do nothing at all. I mean nothing. The mother was just smiling at me and the baby. SO I thought the baby was just not the perky type. After I went home, my mom told me that there was this woman there who had a baby that could not talk, hear, see, or move. I felt REALLY bad. I thought I was gonna cry(did get that lump in the throat tho). Sad it is.
Medievalist
05-12-06, 11:23 PM
I was once at a gathering, and there was this baby there. Mashallah the cutest baby I ever say. I sat next to his carriage and started to say his name and shake his hand a bit. The baby would do nothing at all. I mean nothing. The mother was just smiling at me and the baby. SO I thought the baby was just not the perky type. After I went home, my mom told me that there was this woman there who had a baby that could not talk, hear, see, or move. I felt REALLY bad. I thought I was gonna cry(did get that lump in the throat tho). Sad it is.
You raise an interesting point. Everyone thinks their mother is amazing - but the ones who particularly impress me are the ones who smile throughout their life despite seeing their kids in pain just so the child grows up around a happy mother.
I cant rate women like that enough. You know the types? The ones who must be so pained to see their kids suffer a physical disability or a terrible accidents etc - yet lavish love and laughter upon their offspring in abundance rather than breakdown and show their grief. ALLAH has truly made mothers out of a hidden gold.:rubeyes:
Lambo5688
05-12-06, 11:27 PM
You raise an interesting point. Everyone thinks their mother is amazing - but the ones who particularly impress me are the ones who smile throughout their life despite seeing their kids in pain just so the child grows up around a happy mother.
I cant rate women like that enough. You know the types? The ones who must be so pained to see their kids suffer a physical disability or a terrible accidents etc - yet lavish love and laughter upon their offspring in abundance rather than breakdown and show their grief. ALLAH has truly made mothers out of a hidden gold.:rubeyes:
Your right. It is so tough for mothers who have a abnormal child. Once that child is born, and they find out he/she is abnorma,l the mother prepares herself for a lifetime of support for her child. Truly amazing.
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