View Full Version : Help
Asalaamu 'Alaykum everyone
I'm going through a rather 'difficult' time at the moment in the sense that I want to get married to abstain from fitnah. The hormones are getting out of control and really need some help. Marrying now would be both inconvenient and perhaps detrimental to my studies and future aspirations, but, conversely, not marrying could potentially mean I'll do something that I will regret for the rest of my life. The solution, then? Dua? Something with which to surpress the tempatation? Anything? :D
Constant remembrance of Allah would surely help but how can I keep Allah in my mind 24/7? Any pointes inshallah?
Jazakallah brothers and sisters. :-)
.: Anna :.
03-12-06, 08:26 PM
wa alaykum salam
fasting is the first suggestion which comes to mind.
also it is possible to get married while studying, and you can do it and still succeed insha allah
Though I'd love to marry right now, it's just not a valid option right now. I don't to marry and use my wife as a means by which to release my urges, that just wouldn't be fair on her. Unless, of course, you'd perceive it in a different light?
Fasting seems an excellent idea. Thanks. :)
.: Anna :.
03-12-06, 09:02 PM
Well obviously you dont marry simply because of the reason of urges. However it is also natural that if people have such feelings they look for the halal outlet for that, which is marriage. So if you were willing to undertake the responsibility of marriage and try your best to be a good husband and care for your wifes needs as well as your own, i dont think it is necessarily wrong that such feelings and desire to protect ur self from fitna or zina is a bad reason to get married. It is fairly common motivation, to make at least a part of the reason to get married. That is something done from the sake of Allah then, because you want to take the halal means 2 avoid a great fitna, and rather do something which is pleasing to Allah.
But if ur not able to get married n support ur wife etc and have time for her, then just give the fasting a go and insha allah it will help ur situation
Sister Anna, you're a complete star. Jazakallah.
Brother you arnt the only one, im 19 and living in a place full of fitna, alhumdulilaH im trying my best to stay away from the haram. I do fast most days ahki, so should you inshAllah. I would get married but i have no body to marry, but haer! :) My duas are with you.
:salams
I would go with sis anna's advise :up:
Fast its good for you in more then 1 way.
Brother you arnt the only one, im 19 and living in a place full of fitna, alhumdulilaH im trying my best to stay away from the haram. I do fast most days ahki, so should you inshAllah. I would get married but i have no body to marry, but haer! :) My duas are with you.
Bro im sure there plenty of Muslimahs to marry. You'll find one :D
It's glad to know I'm not alone! Heh.
I soo want to get married right now that everytime I see a hijabi I see her as a potential marriage partner! *note to self* Lower your damn gaze!!
May Allah guide us all and keep us on the straight path. Ameen!
I was 19 when I got married - you can find people inshaAllah :D
Abu Muslim
03-12-06, 09:50 PM
Of course you are not alone akhi. Happens to even the best of us *smiles*
There's a hadith which I'm sure you've heard numerous times where the prophet SAW (paraphrased or re worded more like) said: O young men, marry yourself to keep chaste, and if you cannot, then fast.
I was 19 when I got married - you can find people inshaAllah :D
Really? Could you tell me how it went? Were there any implications? Tell me everything if you can, please!
Really? Could you tell me how it went? Were there any implications? Tell me everything if you can, please!
Ummm I can't tell you like everything on this public forum (but I notice you're in London - which uni do you go to? If you wanna meet up send me a PM).
In short, it went great alhamdulillah, had a small nikah/waleema at my home in my first year of university.
Implications? Not really. Made me more focused studies-wise. In my personal opinion, I think marriage is better than being single for students, as it makes you more focused as its easier to imagine the future and you know you have to do well.
Besides, any brother who's working will tell you that most decent jobs take a lot, lot more out of you than university study - so if someone can marry while working, why not when he's a student? This way you'll have more free time and stuff to spend with your wife straight off, apart from the honeymoon.
Awsome brother. I'm not at university - I'm currently on a gap year but will isnahllah go to university next year. My email addy is in my profile, add me if you're on MSN inshallah. :)
Implications? Not really. Made me more focused studies-wise. In my personal opinion, I think marriage is better than being single for students, as it makes you more focused as its easier to imagine the future and you know you have to do well.
While that is true for most degrees, if you intend to do medicine, it isnt recommended at all...
:)
.: Anna :.
03-12-06, 10:22 PM
While that is true for most degrees, if you intend to do medicine, it isnt recommended at all...
:)I think you still could. The degree doesnt take ur whole life. They have got long hours but then some people are at uni and also working, which takes long hours and also they are happily married. If the spouse is understanding of it and supportive, I see no reason to make it impossible or not recommended?
That's rich coming from the brother who tried to sell us "your mum" T-shirts!
Haha, so what you tryna call me immature now? :eek:
Says me...says married medics...says the head of ULU ISoc... :eek:
The work load just becomes outrageous...especially if you both do medicine....
:)
.: Anna :.
03-12-06, 10:51 PM
Haha, so what you tryna call me immature now? :eek:
Says me...says married medics...says the head of ULU ISoc... :eek:
The work load just becomes outrageous...especially if you both do medicine....
:)oh but if jst the hubby does it and the wife does some kinda course where she goes in only a few hours, its pretty fine n no probs.
also some ppl they can manage.
my sis in law's bros wife, she is studying medicine in usa n they have proper loooooooong hours, she basically only can see her hubby on weekend, n he works in some company also proper looong hours but still they make it work n it is not impossible
ur_yusra
03-12-06, 10:53 PM
Haha, so what you tryna call me immature now? :eek:
Says me...says married medics...says the head of ULU ISoc... :eek:
The work load just becomes outrageous...especially if you both do medicine....
:)
My freind got married to a medic student last year who had just done his third or second year (can't remember). They seem to be doing ok masha'Allah..
Baby on the way.. :p
Al-Irhaab
03-12-06, 10:58 PM
im in university doing dentistry and man am i bored.... got so much free time... need a wife ... give me a reason to get out of the house more :D
.: Anna :.
03-12-06, 11:04 PM
My freind got married to a medic student last year who had just done his third or second year (can't remember). They seem to be doing ok masha'Allah..
Baby on the way.. :p
awww masha allah :love: thats so nice to hear :)
oh but if jst the hubby does it and the wife does some kinda course where she goes in only a few hours, its pretty fine n no probs.
also some ppl they can manage.
my sis in law's bros wife, she is studying medicine in usa n they have proper loooooooong hours, she basically only can see her hubby on weekend, n he works in some company also proper looong hours but still they make it work n it is not impossible
Perhaps, I mean, if you get married, it doesnt mean you HAVE to live together...you could still live apart and be married and od your degrees...
And the further into med you go, the less and less hours you tend to have, even if one of the two doesnt do med...its usually worse if both do med...
:D
My freind got married to a medic student last year who had just done his third or second year (can't remember). They seem to be doing ok masha'Allah..
Baby on the way..
Haha, I was being general, not specific, and hey, everyone seems to be doing ok in public... ;)
.: Anna :.
03-12-06, 11:22 PM
oh i think its better if they do live together, if they are soooo busy n they dont even live 2gta they will never see each other :(
but living 2gta even when husband comes home @ midnight from work or something, then still they see each other even if they hav 2 sleep soon, still they can pray fajr 2gta, still she can make n bring some breakfast etc in the morning. i meant btw having like proper quality time only on the weekends, not as in literally do not see them at all :p
Thats why Allah blessed us with phones.. :D
Meh, it just isnt very advisable, but otherwise, marriage and degree all the way...
:)
Right. Seems like marrying and studying seems perfectly compatible. But the hard thing is trying to find a girl at university who's willing to commit herself at such an early age!
RashidD
04-12-06, 01:28 PM
Tell me about it bro... :p Anyway, InshaAllah you'll find a nice girl who'd be willing to make that commitment. Don't forget the du'aas bro For me too lol! :D
.: Anna :.
04-12-06, 05:44 PM
Right. Seems like marrying and studying seems perfectly compatible. But the hard thing is trying to find a girl at university who's willing to commit herself at such an early age!I think a fair amount of ppl are willing these days, also tho u have 2 find ones with parents who will allow it at the young age... possibly that is the more tricky half.
but masha allah i know a fair amount of ppl married during uni, or even b4 uni :)
I think a fair amount of ppl are willing these days, also tho u have 2 find ones with parents who will allow it at the young age... possibly that is the more tricky half.
but masha allah i know a fair amount of ppl married during uni, or even b4 uni :)
Ah mashallah that's great! How about you Anna? Do you practise what you preach? ;)
.: Anna :.
04-12-06, 06:46 PM
Ah mashallah that's great! How about you Anna? Do you practise what you preach? ;)yeah I am married to Baba, the bro was posting earlier in the thread lol. Got married when I was 18 in first yr uni.
yeah I am married to Baba, the bro was posting earlier in the thread lol. Got married when I was 18 in first yr uni.
Mashallah that's awesome! Did you guys meet on this forum or at uni which transitione to this forum? Do you live together? I presume no because of finances and stuff.
So how exactly does it work? Say I meet a beautiful pious Muslimah at university (inshallah), get to know her (adhering to Islamic conduct, of course ;)) then say "Wanna marry?" That just seems a little beyond my scope!
Com'on Anna, you've experience in this field, help a brother out!
Mashallah that's awesome! Did you guys meet on this forum or at uni which transitione to this forum? Do you live together? I presume no because of finances and stuff.
So how exactly does it work? Say I meet a beautiful pious Muslimah at university (inshallah), get to know her (adhering to Islamic conduct, of course ;)) then say "Wanna marry?" That just seems a little beyond my scope!
Com'on Anna, you've experience in this field, help a brother out!
See dude, this is where you jump to this previous post:
Ummm I can't tell you like everything on this public forum (but I notice you're in London - which uni do you go to? If you wanna meet up send me a PM).
In short, it went great alhamdulillah, had a small nikah/waleema at my home in my first year of university.
Implications? Not really. Made me more focused studies-wise. In my personal opinion, I think marriage is better than being single for students, as it makes you more focused as its easier to imagine the future and you know you have to do well.
Besides, any brother who's working will tell you that most decent jobs take a lot, lot more out of you than university study - so if someone can marry while working, why not when he's a student? This way you'll have more free time and stuff to spend with your wife straight off, apart from the honeymoon.
(By the way that's my wife with the blue butterfly avatar.)
:D
.: Anna :.
04-12-06, 07:46 PM
We do live together! I think I wouldnt agree to live all by myself, too lonely and seems a bit mean to leave wife on her own for years, but I guess some are okay with it, prob if their parents are near so if they can remain with their parents it will be okay for em but my parents are not in london... we live with hubbys family, so for finances that is okay. we could not really afford to have our own house or flat in london atm you are correct, prices are very expensive!
I think if u do have a muslimah in mind whom u want to marry, then its best if u can find urself a third party like if she has a brother then its very easy for u cos u can approach him with the proposal or else if not, then u find a friend of urs who does have a sister or a wife 2 get 2 know her, then that girl cn ask her about marriage, and she can tell her parents about the proposal then u go 2 meet her dad etc? i think thats a reasonable way 2 do it ia not too sure about proposing to the girl without ne third party? it might be alright am not sure
.: Anna :.
04-12-06, 07:47 PM
See dude, this is where you jump to this previous post:
:Dlol oh yeah prob confusing that i changed my avatar, since he said blue butterfly... sorry abt that
sunrise
04-12-06, 07:54 PM
im in university doing dentistry and man am i bored.... got so much free time... need a wife ... give me a reason to get out of the house more :D
loooool so get one then!
Sunrise
We do live together! I think I wouldnt agree to live all by myself, too lonely and seems a bit mean to leave wife on her own for years, but I guess some are okay with it, prob if their parents are near so if they can remain with their parents it will be okay for em but my parents are not in london... we live with hubbys family, so for finances that is okay. we could not really afford to have our own house or flat in london atm you are correct, prices are very expensive!
I think if u do have a muslimah in mind whom u want to marry, then its best if u can find urself a third party like if she has a brother then its very easy for u cos u can approach him with the proposal or else if not, then u find a friend of urs who does have a sister or a wife 2 get 2 know her, then that girl cn ask her about marriage, and she can tell her parents about the proposal then u go 2 meet her dad etc? i think thats a reasonable way 2 do it ia not too sure about proposing to the girl without ne third party? it might be alright am not sure
Alright mashallah that is great. You make it sound sooo easy and simple...why can't the Muslimah approach my father? :D
I guess I have to remain patient until the oppurtunity presents itself inshallah. :)
sunrise
04-12-06, 08:10 PM
Alright mashallah that is great. You make it sound sooo easy and simple...why can't the Muslimah approach my father? :D
I guess I have to remain patient until the oppurtunity presents itself inshallah. :)
lol i'm afraid your living in dream land lol honestly fro all of my mates who are not married and trsut me there is a lot of them not ONE has asked their spouse always the men making the first move.
So be daring and ask
lol i'm afraid your living in dream land lol honestly fro all of my mates who are not married and trsut me there is a lot of them not ONE has asked their spouse always the men making the first move.
So be daring and ask
Yeah of course. I wasn't being serious, thought it was pretty transparent.
vBulletin® v3.7.2, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.