View Full Version : Guys who want more than one wife
Medievalist
02-12-06, 11:08 PM
:salams
Before anyone thinks this convo has been beaten like a dead donkey - here me out.
Im sure its been discussed what women would do if their husband wanted a second wife but my question is - how many women would be accept a proposal from a man already married?
Simple as that and with what conditions.
Would the unmarried virgin women marry to be second wives or would the women only consider it after being divorced/widowed from a previous marriage?
And if a guy likes another lady then shud he do the right thing and make enquiries about her and ask for her - even if he is already married and she has also never been married?
What do u think?
Tax-Man
02-12-06, 11:12 PM
Two words Pre-Nup!
Medievalist
02-12-06, 11:21 PM
Two words Pre-Nup!
isnt that actually one word?
and the question is NOT asking women about their men taking another wife - its about a woman recieving a proposal from an already married bruv.
Its a personal question to the sisters. Implying many complex things and I think you should spend your time thinking more constructive thoughts.
Thats what I think :up:
Or maybe, problem is, you just think TOO much :scratch:
Medievalist
02-12-06, 11:23 PM
Its a personal question to the sisters. Implying many complex things and I think you should spend your time thinking more constructive thoughts.
Thats what I think :up:
Or maybe, problem is, you just think TOO much :scratch:
Obviously no1 HAS to answer - make for a pretty dead thread but I can deal with it **hides his moist eyes**
and me thinking too much? that one cant be it. **gazes at floating dust**
.: Anna :.
02-12-06, 11:25 PM
I doubt many sisters will accept it... most people see it as a "last resort" type thing. whether that is right or wrong is another issue but the reality is most sisters are not keen and prob wd turn it down n prob there family will also not want it for them.
Medievalist
02-12-06, 11:27 PM
I doubt many sisters will accept it... most people see it as a "last resort" type thing. whether that is right or wrong is another issue but the reality is most sisters are not keen and prob wd turn it down n prob there family will also not want it for them.
thanks for replying.
But take an ideal situation - one of the Imams of the haram proposes for an unmarried lass from UK. I THINK there would be a number who would jump at the proposal - no?
So where does the line be drawn? What does he have to offer that they would accept his proposal?
And what about the second bit - if a guy likes a girl, should he go for it and see what they say?
.: Anna :.
02-12-06, 11:36 PM
true maybe for those people some would accept... but i think a sizeable number of ppl still would say no, cos they dont want 2 b second wife or part of polygamy. of course it depends which girl he asks, each will make their own choice...
the second part, well he shud discuss with his wifey #1 imo and see her feelings... if she is happy with it and it will not harm their relationship then masha allah n i think go for it, but if it will cause a lot of problems with marriage #1 he may be better off not bothering, but jst avoid that other girl n lower the gaze from her... i mean it is not like he has 2 hav an interaction wit her alot so she will b fitna for him all the time? no need 2 see her or talk 2 her? n if he feels tempted by her, he shud go home n go 2 his wife... as there is hadith along the lines that if a brother goes out n he sees a woman who attracts him n he feels tempted, then instead he shud go home n sleep with his wife... do u know which i am refering? cos i am jst remembering from the top of my head i dnt hav the reference
ur_yusra
02-12-06, 11:37 PM
I would accept being second wife having never married before if..
1) He was an exceptional brother.. with excellent deen.
2) In light of the above I feared no injustice by him.
3) His wife was happy with it.
Medievalist
02-12-06, 11:38 PM
Yes I know which you're referring to :).
But I dunno - maybe for some guys one wife isnt enough?
Tax-Man
02-12-06, 11:39 PM
I would accept being second wife having never married before if..
1) He was an exceptional brother.. with excellent deen.
2) In light of the above I feared no injustice by him.
3) His wife was happy with it.
Would a 7 Digit Bank account clinch the deal:D
ur_yusra
02-12-06, 11:41 PM
Would a 7 Digit Bank account clinch the deal:D
No it wouldn't.
Would a 7 Digit Bank account clinch the deal:D
errrr no, and if it did for a sister, would u still want someone like that as wife?
Tax-Man
02-12-06, 11:45 PM
errrr no, and if it did for a sister, would u still want someone like that as wife?
why not :rolleyes:
why not :rolleyes:
hmmmm..fair enuff..... i mean if she says goodbye to u cos your account isnt in the "7 digits" anymore, wont make a difference to u,no?
Tax-Man
02-12-06, 11:50 PM
hmmmm..fair enuff..... i mean if she says goodbye to u cos your account isnt in the "7 digits" anymore, wont make a difference to u,no? lol. I curse her and remind her it's a major sin to divorce someone for no just reason.
ur_yusra
02-12-06, 11:51 PM
lol. I curse her and remind her it's a major sin to divorce someone for no just reason.
:rotfl: :rotfl:
You didn't go to madrassa did you.
Tax-Man
02-12-06, 11:53 PM
:rotfl: :rotfl:
You didn't go to madrassa did you.
why u say that?:rolleyes:
lol. I curse her and remind her it's a major sin to divorce someone for no just reason.
she divorces u cos she feels u financially cant fulfill her needs anymore (she obviousyl has expensive taste) ....
Tax-Man
02-12-06, 11:55 PM
she divorces u cos she feels u financially cant fulfill her needs anymore (she obviousyl has expensive taste) .... lol, I wouldn't marry a hijabi-Paris Hilton I'd marry just a random stunning muslimah who knows her deen or did I forget to mention that part:D
lol, I wouldn't marry a hijabi-Paris Hilton I'd marry just a random stunning muslimah who knows her deen or did I forget to mention that part:D
u jus sed u would marry a *paris hilton* type , cos u sed in your previous post, u would marry a girl even if she was only saying yes to your proposal cos of your "7 digit bank account"
u have dug ur grave now havent u
Tax-Man
02-12-06, 11:59 PM
u jus sed u would marry a *paris hilton* type , cos u sed in your previous post, u would marry a girl even if she was only saying yes to your proposal cos of your "7 digit bank account"
u have dug ur grave now havent u Looks like it :D
Looks like it :D
b4 u go make sure u leave your *7digit acct* to your poor first wife who has had to put up with u and ur *paris*....
MalikOne™
03-12-06, 12:25 AM
da wife can have all the expensive taste she likes..
as long as it aint coming frm my pocket :coolbro:
:Would the unmarried virgin women marry to be second wives or would the women only consider it after being divorced/widowed from a previous marriage?[QUOTE]
Sounds like a prejudiced response but I'll admit to this anyway: I very seriously doubt I'd consider a rishta from someone who is married and besides, even if I did, I'd never get a mahram to consent to it (not even the practising one:rolleyes: ). If my circumstances were to change in the future however and I were to end up divorced/widowed then yes, I would consider marrying someone who's married/divorced/widowed in that particular case.
[QUOTE=Medievalist;1464548]:
And if a guy likes another lady then shud he do the right thing and make enquiries about her and ask for her - even if he is already married and she has also never been married?
Yes obviously, cos' that's the only above board way he could address the issue.
da wife can have all the expensive taste she likes..
as long as it aint coming frm my pocket :coolbro:
u better make sure u dont marry one with those tastes then, othrwise u will end up like Tax Man up ther......in ur grave....
MalikOne™
03-12-06, 12:40 AM
u better make sure u dont marry one with those tastes then, othrwise u will end up like Tax Man up ther......in ur grave....
Naa she'll kno tha deal beforehand :coolbro:
Lost_Princess
03-12-06, 07:07 AM
:salams
Before anyone thinks this convo has been beaten like a dead donkey - here me out.
Im sure its been discussed what women would do if their husband wanted a second wife but my question is - how many women would be accept a proposal from a man already married?
Simple as that and with what conditions.
Would the unmarried virgin women marry to be second wives or would the women only consider it after being divorced/widowed from a previous marriage?
And if a guy likes another lady then shud he do the right thing and make enquiries about her and ask for her - even if he is already married and she has also never been married?
What do u think?
in the quran it says that a man cant marry just for satisfaction there has to be a reason why he is proposing like shes a widow or shes infertile stuff like that are permissable right
well to answer ur question i would never marry a man who has a wife already mainly because i wouldn't like my husband doing it to me and secondly i want to experience everything with someone who hasn't already been through the marriage process before:)
hope that helped :D
in the quran it says that a man cant marry just for satisfaction there has to be a reason why he is proposing like shes a widow or shes infertile stuff like that are permissable right
well to answer ur question i would never marry a man who has a wife already mainly because i wouldn't like my husband doing it to me and secondly i want to experience everything with someone who hasn't already been through the marriage process before:)
hope that helped :D
Islam permit for men to marry more then one wife and it may upto 4 but. if he able to handle them properly in every part of life. So I think as per islamic law one can able to marriage more then one wife there is nothing to object. That's is another case if some one doing marriage more then one wife because of some reasons. (correct me if I am wrong)anyhow you just can't say islam only allow to marry. More then one wife UNLESS HE HAVE ANY VALUED REASSON.
ok suppose if a man have more money and he want to do second marriage. because of any reason you can consider. can he go for second marriage?
Lambo5688
03-12-06, 07:39 AM
Men should have been allowed to marry 8. Then he has more variety of meals to choose from and can pick the best one. I plan on marrying 4 wives...I will give them trophies in diff categories.
The only thing Islam requires is that you treat both equally.
peace2u
03-12-06, 07:44 AM
treat them kindly and fair and you wont have to give them a trophy to keep them happy. (unless the trophy would be that nice ride you got in your avatar)
Peace
Lambo5688
03-12-06, 07:47 AM
Yea I will keep them happy. Fairly. The ride in my avatar is for exlcusive use by the husband.
.: Anna :.
03-12-06, 07:59 AM
in the quran it says that a man cant marry just for satisfaction there has to be a reason why he is proposing like shes a widow or shes infertile stuff like that are permissable right
well to answer ur question i would never marry a man who has a wife already mainly because i wouldn't like my husband doing it to me and secondly i want to experience everything with someone who hasn't already been through the marriage process before:)
hope that helped :D sister it does not say that in quran. if you want to say something is in quran, u shud first check it, and if u can then provide the ayah or say which surah u are refering to. but it does not say what u have said...
islamirama
03-12-06, 08:00 AM
in the quran it says that a man cant marry just for satisfaction there has to be a reason why he is proposing like shes a widow or shes infertile stuff like that are permissable right
well to answer ur question i would never marry a man who has a wife already mainly because i wouldn't like my husband doing it to me and secondly i want to experience everything with someone who hasn't already been through the marriage process before:)
hope that helped :D
Man can marry more than one wife if he wants to. Even if there's nothing wrong with the other wife, he can still marry. If she can't satisfy him enough or keep up then he can marry. If he thinks he wants increase the ummah then he can marry. And no, he does not need her permission.
That said, there are rules and guidelines and criteria that must be fulfilled and followered first.
Man can marry more than one wife if he wants to. Even if there's nothing wrong with the other wife, he can still marry. If she can't satisfy him enough or keep up then he can marry. If he thinks he wants increase the ummah then he can marry. And no, he does not need her permission.
That said, there are rules and guidelines and criteria that must be fulfilled and followered first.
Well said..
I agree you
in the quran it says that a man cant marry just for satisfaction there has to be a reason why he is proposing like shes a widow or shes infertile stuff like that are permissable right
well to answer ur question i would never marry a man who has a wife already mainly because i wouldn't like my husband doing it to me and secondly i want to experience everything with someone who hasn't already been through the marriage process before:)
hope that helped :D
dont know about any ayat in Quran that says that ukhti, he can marry for any reason he likes, no conditions apart from being able to afford to provide for all his wives.
anyway to answer the original question, A mans being married already or not makes no difference what so ever. The muslim ummah needs to start thinking like the muslim ummah, and get their heads and hearts around polygmy its part of our deen its a normal part of life, theres nothing wrong with it, nor should we dislike that our husbands should marry again, in fact polygamy is the way of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, the sahabba and the sahabiyat, and we should embrace it. If i was a first wife i would ( and did) encourage my husband to marry again ( although beleive it or not some men take offence at their wives saying this :rolleyes: )
and if i was proposed to by an already married man, then masha Allah i can be sure if hes a good bro or not by the way he treats his first wife (and kids insha Allah he has some) so its all good either way.Bring back polygamy and make it a normal part of our ummah again, and lets not keep the thinking of the way of the people of the book, lets return to the way of the ummah of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam. May Allah ta ala bless this ummah with the haq, let it enter our hearts and our minds, and unite us upon it amin.
dont know about any ayat in Quran that says that ukhti, he can marry for any reason he likes, no conditions apart from being able to afford to provide for all his wives.
anyway to answer the original question, A mans being married already or not makes no difference what so ever. The muslim ummah needs to start thinking like the muslim ummah, and get their heads and hearts around polygmy its part of our deen its a normal part of life, theres nothing wrong with it, nor should we dislike that our husbands should marry again, in fact polygamy is the way of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, the sahabba and the sahabiyat, and we should embrace it. If i was a first wife i would ( and did) encourage my husband to marry again ( although beleive it or not some men take offence at their wives saying this :rolleyes: )
and if i was proposed to by an already married man, then masha Allah i can be sure if hes a good bro or not by the way he treats his first wife (and kids insha Allah he has some) so its all good either way.Bring back polygamy and make it a normal part of our ummah again, and lets not keep the thinking and life the way of the people of the book, lets return to the way of the ummah of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam. May Allah ta ala bless this ummah with the haq, let it enter our hearts and our minds, and unite us upon it amin.
I agree
Ameen to your dua.
Ibn-e-Muslim
03-12-06, 08:56 AM
dont know about any ayat in Quran that says that ukhti, .................. let it enter our hearts and our minds, and unite us upon it amin.
:jkk: sister and Ameen to ur Dua :up:
Umm 'Umarah
03-12-06, 09:44 AM
Men should have been allowed to marry 8. Then he has more variety of meals to choose from and can pick the best one. I plan on marrying 4 wives...I will give them trophies in diff categories.
:rotfl: ...:rolleyes:
Maybe this question will be answered as sincerely and as honestly as possible if the brothers go and ask their own sisters it and/or think whether their own sister would accept a proposal from a married man :rolleyes:
Theres very little point asking it here, unless somehow the sisters (and brothers), their views/opinions are representative of their particular sex.
Get out into the real world people and do your research there :rolleyes:
Time's have changed. Society, and cultures in this regard have evolved. For the better? That's up to your interpretation..
Most Muslim women would refuse to get into such a situation. Whether that's their mentalily changing or whether its because they feel the men of this world have changed...i dont know.
Conventional marriages will not be perfect - they take effort and maturity to work, thats just common sense. I can't imagine how complex a marriage with two wives would be. And that's something here, which I don't think the brothers would want to do this - actually think of.
Personally, I can't comprehend a marriage with two wives. And I do not think anyone can sincerely declare they intend to marry more than one, or declare they will/would accept a marriage with another woman in it, without knowing any of the details.
It would be your future you're deciding...decide wisely
:up:
It would be great if there was some reading material written by someone in this type of marriage, just to get an understanding of the dynamics of that kind of relationship with the husband/wife and other wife for educational purposes.
http://polygynousexpressions.blogspot.com/
http://polygynousblessings.blogspot.com/
http://peacefulmuslimah.blogspot.com/
http://polygynousexpressions.blogspot.com/
http://polygynousblessings.blogspot.com/
http://peacefulmuslimah.blogspot.com/
I found the comments particularly interesting..."SubhanAllah.....I know that before polygyny ever entered my life, I had always been for it. But I suspect, maybe my own version of it??"
The parts of the blogs I read - was the wife referring to that she had troubles at the start with herself in regards to the 2nd marriage.
However, shes come to accept it - but I couldnt find anything describing their relationship...maybe too shy or feels its dispresctful? I dont know..but that's quote of the thread for me :D
The rest of the comments I read, were in response to sisters who felt uncomfortable with it - i think the editors defended the concept of Polygany itself.
She said, that you shouldnt define Polygany itself with how a husband in such a relationship treats you (assuming he treated her unfairly) e.g. it's the husbands fault if she mistreats you, not the concept of polygany itself. Yet, people here when they speak of an example where she is unhappy; they dismiss the husband and just emphasise that the sister should accept it because it is "halal" for him.
Atleast, that was the trend in that infamous thread 'Polygany'.
Personally, I feel the idea of Polygany has been stained by the practices of most men in those relationships - whether beit that they did not have the financial means to satisfy both wives, or whether beit they just could not handle the complexity of the marriage - Polygany, in accordance to society directing away from it, has become "old fashioned" and undesirable to most women, and an increasing amount of men too!
The 2nd blog is particularly interesting, she details and describes the relationship she has with her husband and "sister wife" quite well.
This is also interesting >
http://eteraz.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/polygamy-blogstroll/
And a few more bedtime reading >
http://eteraz.wordpress.com/2006/07/23/muslim-polygamy-in-america/
The 2nd blog is particularly interesting, she details and describes the relationship she has with her husband and "sister wife" quite well.
This is also interesting >
http://eteraz.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/polygamy-blogstroll/
And a few more bedtime reading >
http://eteraz.wordpress.com/2006/07/23/muslim-polygamy-in-america/
Interesting.
I thought to myself this,
We can all imagine and understand the problems that could arise from a polygamous marriage, and they are well prescribed to us from several sources, however, can the emphasis of the polygamous marriages that can actually function, change the stereotype - or even, flip reverse it to make polygamous marriages seem more appealing than conventional marriages?
Why do I think this?
Because, I feel that such blogs and posts are designed specifically in response to the stereotype of Polygany, thus these blogs or messages are trying to teach a lesson. And in that lesson, is the accentuation of how well a polygamous marriage can work - to the point, where I came to think "is she recommending Polygany more so?". Do you see my point?
So far, all of the blogs have been exactly that. An educational tool to advertise successful polygamous marriages. Very well written, and the authors have tried their upmost to seem neutral by always starting with an admission that they didn't accept Polygany - in which now, after finding obviously a suitable husband, they do accept it.
Is it enough to change opinions or attitudes about polygamous marriages/relationships though?
Logically no. Logically, every woman can decide for herself which would work better for her. Having her husband to herself, or having another wife to share with him. I'm sure there have been women in polygamous marriages, and found happier marriages in having their husband all to themselves.
I guess only experience tells..
The blogs I've posted, albeit I only briefly skimmed the polgynous blessings, do show the positive side to it..maybe because they DO find the marriage fulfilling. (And somehow we can't seem to comprehend that...and so nit pick for problems)
If you do a detailed trawl through the blogging world, there are other entries that don't paint such a rosy picture - such as the eteraz one
I had made the point before, where I dont rememeber, but if you were raised in a society where polygynous marriages were the norm, then obviously your attitudes towards it would differ.
It wouldn't seem such an alien concept, and the problems encountered as part of such an arrangement would seem "normal" too. I doubt blogs such as these can vastly change attitudes, but they allow one insight into such marriages....and maybe have some kind of an effect - in which direction that effect can/would be, is anyone's guess.
The blogs I've posted, albeit I only briefly skimmed the polgynous blessings, do show the positive side to it..maybe because they DO find the marriage fulfilling. (And somehow we can't seem to comprehend that...and so nit pick for problems)
If you do a detailed trawl through the blogging world, there are other entries that don't paint such a rosy picture - such as the eteraz one
I had made the point before, where I dont rememeber, but if you were raised in a society where polygynous marriages were the norm, then obviously your attitudes towards it would differ.
It wouldn't seem such an alien concept, and the problems encountered as part of such an arrangement would seem "normal" too. I doubt blogs such as these can vastly change attitudes, but they allow one insight into such marriages....and maybe have some kind of an effect - in which direction that effect can/would be, is anyone's guess.
The blogs just prove that, such relationships, are really dependant on the persona of the wife. Some women would never accept it - yet marry into it, and accept it finding it not so bad. However, some marry into it - hate it, marry another husband (1 on 1 marriage) and they love it.
But human nature says its more probable that you'll have problems in such a marriage. Whether or not you can accept those problems, is up to the person.
Do you think you would be more happy with a husband for yourself, or more happy with sharing that husband with a sister?
Something all women need to ask themselves.
I agree with you 100% though on this, "but if you were raised in a society where polygynous marriages were the norm, then obviously your attitudes towards it would differ."
I recently saw a picture of a somali man who married two women, and in their wedding picture - they are on either side to him. I don't know whether or not I'm allowed to post a link to this picture though...
.: hayat :.
03-12-06, 12:21 PM
:salams
Before anyone thinks this convo has been beaten like a dead donkey - here me out.
Im sure its been discussed what women would do if their husband wanted a second wife but my question is - how many women would be accept a proposal from a man already married?
Simple as that and with what conditions.
Would the unmarried virgin women marry to be second wives or would the women only consider it after being divorced/widowed from a previous marriage?
And if a guy likes another lady then shud he do the right thing and make enquiries about her and ask for her - even if he is already married and she has also never been married?
What do u think?
i do not agree with being 1st wife and my husband taking another wife..how to agree with being 2nd wife.....????????????hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..i know i think very bad but.....................this is me!!!cannot change my heart or brain...huh...
i do not agree with being 1st wife and my husband taking another wife..how to agree with being 2nd wife.....????????????hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..i know i think very bad but.....................this is me!!!cannot change my heart or brain...huh...
i agree with ur yusra's original response, point number 2 in particular
.: hayat :.
03-12-06, 12:30 PM
i agree with ur yusra's original response, point number 2 in particular
??
Medievalist
03-12-06, 08:56 PM
in the quran it says that a man cant marry just for satisfaction there has to be a reason why he is proposing like shes a widow or shes infertile stuff like that are permissable right
The Quran says that :eek:
Where exactly? Musta missed that dars :rolleyes:
Medievalist
03-12-06, 09:00 PM
SO basically if he likes another lady - he should pursue it in a halal way innit?
islamirama
03-12-06, 11:48 PM
SO basically if he likes another lady - he should pursue it in a halal way innit?
First of all he should LOWER his gaze and adhere to islamic adaabs outside. 2ndly, should attend to ALL duties and obligations at home. THEN if he has the means (physcially, mentally, financially, emotionally,etc) to take on another wife then its his choice.
I know this convert bro white bro went up to these two sisters that were good friends. One was desi and on arab. He proposed to both of them at the same time and asked them to think it over and let him know. They both thought about it and married him. They both were obviously chaste and pure and islamically oriented. It's the desi mentality that no, i won't only one man or he can go to hell.
ofcourse, again the male has to first qualify islamically before he can take any steps.
ur_yusra
03-12-06, 11:50 PM
First of all he should LOWER his gaze and adhere to islamic adaabs outside. 2ndly, should attend to ALL duties and obligations at home. THEN if he has the means (physcially, mentally, financially, emotionally,etc) to take on another wife then its his choice.
I know this convert bro white bro went up to these two sisters that were good friends. One was desi and on arab. He proposed to both of them at the same time and asked them to think it over and let him know. They both thought about it and married him. They both were obviously chaste and pure and islamically oriented. It's the desi mentality that no, i won't only one man or he can go to hell.
ofcourse, again the male has to first qualify islamically before he can take any steps.
wow.. thats nice mashaAllah..
ur_yusra
03-12-06, 11:51 PM
SO basically if he likes another lady - he should pursue it in a halal way innit?
Erm med hows he gnna like another lady please explain?
Lambo5688
04-12-06, 02:51 AM
Erm med hows he gnna like another lady please explain?
If a man thinks that his wife, in any way, is not satisfying him, he might look around for another sister. And if he likes another sis, he can pursue her in a halal fashion.
rukayya
04-12-06, 07:48 AM
salam alaikum,
well, alhamdulillah, in islam marrying more than one woman is halal. i say this as a woman.
:lailah:
subhanallah, my husband has asked me to marry another woman because of reason, i agreed, and i have already met her. :hidban:
but, my heart, you know, i do not know if i would have agreed if there were NO reason. i really do not know. i know, that he needs another wife, and he does halal, you unterstand.:love:
wa'salam
If a man thinks that his wife, in any way, is not satisfying him, he might look around for another sister. And if he likes another sis, he can pursue her in a halal fashion.
he doesnt need a reason akhi, was there anything wrong with the wives of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam? men marry simply to become their maintainers and protectors as Allah ta ala says in the Quran, so marrying another wife because theres "something wrong" with your wife, thats just being cruel to tell your wife that, because whatever the "problem" is its probably not her fault. so if a man wants to marry again masha Allah he doesnt need an excuse for that.
salam alaikum,
well, alhamdulillah, in islam marrying more than one woman is halal. i say this as a woman.
:lailah:
subhanallah, my husband has asked me to marry another woman because of reason, i agreed, and i have already met her. :hidban:
but, my heart, you know, i do not know if i would have agreed if there were NO reason. i really do not know. i know, that he needs another wife, and he does halal, you unterstand.:love:
wa'salam
Mashallha sis !
Ibn-e-Muslim
04-12-06, 08:52 AM
subhanAllah sis rukaya may Allah reward u for such a bravery :up:
funny i should say this..
but if it wasnt for a few personal reasons i would accept being a second wife.
and i give a :up: to yusras post. me reasns would be those too.
i couldnt do it, no pint kidding myself i just couldnt. not that strong.
:(
Suliman
04-12-06, 03:25 PM
Asalaamu alikum wa ramatualahi wa barakatu brothers and sisters.
This converstation is old and boring. It is Allahs LAW that a man may marry more than one wife if he so wishes. It is not her place for the first wife to say whether or not she will 'allow' him to do so. I don't think you sisters see fully what is laid out infront of you. If you are married and your husband marries another wife you will be granted entry to paradise through any gate that you wish. ANY GATE! Do you fully understand that? Because me, as a husband. I personally think it will be inevitable that I will marry again. For many reasons that I personally think are valid. My wife is ok with this also. This is because of a loving and respectful relationship. From this I would get insha Allah another beautiful and loving wife that fulfills me with joy and pleasure. I on the other hand will be putting up with extra stress of providing for another family. So that would be financial - house, bills, clothes, flowers, children, treats, cars, etc etc etc all over again. Also I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but women can get quite emotional at times, so comforting them is a BIG thing. Basically, I'm ill at the moment and I'm not thinking straight but what I'm trying desperatly to get across is that if a borther want another wife, do not think that he has the best deal here. It's the sisters that are being offered something incredibally great from the almighty Allah. The brothers will be getting insha Allah a wonderful boost to their family, but the sisters if they are patient and understanding, get a brother that they have consented to (so you must like him) and a wonderful blessing from Allah.
I feel really rough so I may correct any mistakes in this later insha Allah.
Asalaamu alikum.
Medievalist
04-12-06, 04:45 PM
I think the brother'll do istikhaarah and wait a while and if he still wants to proceed then probably will.
JazakALLAH for the advice folks.
I think the brother'll do istikhaarah and wait a while and if he still wants to proceed then probably will.
JazakALLAH for the advice folks.
no problemo
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