View Full Version : Help! In love with a kufr..
Assalaam Alakoum,
I am so confused...I dont know what to do...
I find myself with very deep feelings for a kufr. From the moment i met him, until i got to know him, these feelings have been present - Ive really tried to stop myself and keep away, but i cant.
Are there any duas or anything for this sort of thing, something that will stop the ache in my heart?
Please help.
Arsalan
30-11-06, 05:02 PM
BEEP BEEP youve been spotted/
Its actually "Kafir" and not "kufr"
No muslim ever uses the word "Kufr" in that tense or spelling, in the context in your sentance.
As for your need of "help" . Iam sure merciful brothers and sisters will help you.
Al Qadr
30-11-06, 05:02 PM
Dont talk to him, keep ur distance, and dont give shaytaan a chance to whisper thoughts of deviation.
Al-Nasser
30-11-06, 05:02 PM
is it mutual admiration?
Assalaam Alakoum,
I am so confused...I dont know what to do...
I find myself with very deep feelings for a kufr. From the moment i met him, until i got to know him, these feelings have been present - Ive really tried to stop myself and keep away, but i cant.
Are there any duas or anything for this sort of thing, something that will stop the ache in my heart?
Please help.
I know how you feel. My only advice is to walk away. It hurts but time heals most, if not all, wounds.
Im sorry, but my parents were never that religous and arent even so, now.
so my words arent great even though i speak a little urdu.
I am asking because I dont want to do something really wrong. I dont have many Muslim friends and no one to really confide in..
The admiration is mutual and i have resisted, I just thought is there anything that can be done, because i feel like im spiralling into depression.
Al-Nasser
30-11-06, 05:12 PM
if he convert to Islam then the problem is solved
umme ahmed
30-11-06, 05:18 PM
Im sorry, but my parents were never that religous and arent even so, now.
so my words arent great even though i speak a little urdu.
I am asking because I dont want to do something really wrong. I dont have many Muslim friends and no one to really confide in..
The admiration is mutual and i have resisted, I just thought is there anything that can be done, because i feel like im spiralling into depression.
sister, if you pursue a relationship with this guy, there is so much at risk...your eeman, your family....you will be living a life of sin....eventually the guilt will kick in.... and if you have kids with this guy they will not be muslim. is this guy really worth all this?
the best thing you can do is walk away as difficult as it may be. if you come to the realisation that you are walking away from this person to please Allah Ta'ala, to gain His favour and avoid sin, and that Allah Ta'ala will replace your loss with something better inshAllah, then it will become easier to deal with inshAllah :)
May Allah Ta'ala make things easy for you and protect us all from the evil whispers of shaytaan.
Been there, done that. Inshallah you'll get over it. Trust Allah (swt) more than yourself. He (swt) knows what's better for you even more than you do.
its infatuation:)
if u feel that u can make him a muslim and he will become one then go for it..if the sincerity is there.
but if he isnt willing to accept islam. then im afraid there is no other way ..
giv up that 'love' and go ahead with life:)
I don't know
30-11-06, 05:28 PM
Could someone explain what the problem is here?
That information would be in the first post, that the poster, posted :up:
scribble
30-11-06, 05:32 PM
Sis. Like others have said, you're religion is important to you, is it not? Then just leave it sis, Allah (swt) will make it easy for you. :up: It seems hard at first, but it gets much easier. :) It may feel as though your life has ended but it hasn't, Inshallah everything will work out, but my advice to you is that forget it sis. It's right, but that's my opinion. :up:
Get a plant, and grow with it! :up: :p
That's if he doesn't want to revert and truly wants to be Muslim.
MalikOne™
30-11-06, 05:34 PM
sho him abit about Islam and den get him to revert if u pass dat if he feels da same way marry him.
if he duznt revert best to leave it
I don't know[/B];1457940]Could someone explain what the problem is here?
you don't know that I don't know :(
What is this..show him Islam, make him muslim etc.
He is not her mahram is he :rolleyes: and she likes him, so how is that intelligent advice??? :scratch:
If you think he is interested in Islam, refer him to somewhere/someone he can learn it and discuss it. Its not the best situation to start talking to him about it, may lead to lengthly discussions etc and that is not appropiate considering you have feelings for him and he is of the opposite gender.
Either way, I suggest you move on, you'll be fine Inshallah :up:
MalikOne™
30-11-06, 05:44 PM
u alredy kno him well so u ahve influence over him so why not at least sho him Islam and save his soul I think its da lesser of the two evils here or if u knw muslim bros that are tight wit dis dude then get dem to sho him Islam.
Its not lesser of two evils, because there is the option of no evil.
MalikOne™
30-11-06, 05:50 PM
Its not lesser of two evils, because there is the option of no evil.
perfect dawah opportunity
cud save someone frm eternity in jahanaam
Thank you for your replys, I feel better just letting this out.
He isnt into his own religion, and is disinteristed in Islam. We are opposites in so many ways.
I just want to be able to see him and not feel anything, its as if my heart leaps for joy just by getting a glimpse of him.
I really do want to walk away, If there are any dua or supplications that could help me, please tell me.
Dawah to opposite sex ???? :rolleyes:
MalikOne™
30-11-06, 05:53 PM
how about u make him interested :rolleyes: or any muslim bros u knw to talk to him
scribble
30-11-06, 05:54 PM
Thank you for your replys, I feel better just letting this out.
He isnt into his own religion, and is disinteristed in Islam. We are opposites in so many ways.
I just want to be able to see him and not feel anything, its as if my heart leaps for joy just by getting a glimpse of him.
I really do want to walk away, If there are any dua or supplications that could help me, please tell me.
Sis. Just move on, Allah (swt) WILL help you, you have to have faith. It will get better! :up:
MalikOne™
30-11-06, 05:54 PM
Dawah to opposite sex ???? :rolleyes:
all im sayin is she alredy knws da guy it aint no random dude so why not as long as they aint alone and dont do proper eye contact
all im sayin is she alredy knws da guy it aint no random dude so why not as long as they aint alone and dont do proper eye contact
that's better acceptable idea :up:
Abu Muslim
30-11-06, 05:59 PM
The give dawh'ah to him idea is bait, don't do it sis. As you've said a) he is not interested, b) he is non mahrem, how are you going to give dawah without speaking to him? c) You're attracted to him, it isn't going to end at dawah.. and d) If you sincerely want to give dawah', get a BROTHER to give it to him.
In my opinion ukthi, I say, don't worry there's plenty of Muslim brothers out there who are million times better than this kaafir. Stay away from the guy and ask your parents/friends to get you married insha'Allah...
Zahyrah
30-11-06, 06:00 PM
Assalaam Alakoum,
I am so confused...I dont know what to do...
I find myself with very deep feelings for a kufr. From the moment i met him, until i got to know him, these feelings have been present - Ive really tried to stop myself and keep away, but i cant.
Are there any duas or anything for this sort of thing, something that will stop the ache in my heart?
Please help.
make duas that he converts to islam, find pious brothers to give him dawah inshaallah Allah is the all hearing and all knowing and will answer your duas.
Invest in trying to get him interested in Islam.
Inshallah it'll all be worth it - but it will take time.
In that time, the sincerity of your feelings will be known to you. If it's just infatuation, you'll forget him.
MWarrior
30-11-06, 06:13 PM
get your brother to beat him up with a baseball bat/ or maybe beat him with a knife:up: :up: ......
If you cant give Islamic advice, y'all should just keep silent. Otherwise you might just lead someone down the wrong path. So think about what your saying.
She need not 'invest' any lengthly time in a non-mahram whom she is infatuated with. She cannot be in love with his deen or islamic character, at the moment he has none. Its just infatuation.
Allah (swt) guides whom He wills, give him a book and recommend him to some brothers or masjid, and if it is willed, He will be guided.
But that doesnt mean you wait around for this.
Move on either way :up:
Investing in time in converting him doesn't mean she needs to spend time with him alone.
Atleast a few have given advice, unlike the "just forget him" comments which are hilarious in context.
You think she has some ON/ OFF switch in her :rolleyes:
MWarrior
30-11-06, 06:17 PM
trust me...
just get your brother or someone to beat the shi* out of him....
scribble
30-11-06, 06:17 PM
Investing in time in converting him doesn't mean she needs to spend time with him alone.
Atleast a few have given advice, unlike the "just forget him" comments which are hilarious in context.
You think she has some ON/ OFF switch in her :rolleyes:
Yeah, but things could get messy, and it'd be harder, so why not just move away now?
If Allah wills then so be it. They will be together, right, but that's what I think. It probably will be hard, but should she risk everything?
Investing in time in converting him doesn't mean she needs to spend time with him alone.
Atleast a few have given advice, unlike the "just forget him" comments which are hilarious in context.
You think she has some ON/ OFF switch in her :rolleyes:
Emotions dont switch on/off. Alhumdulillah the deen is not based on emotion. Sound judgement however, does allow us to switch on and off, and make the right decisions based on Islam.
Its better to refrain from giving advice if all you can give is one of an illogical adolescent nature.
The 'just forget him', has been the best advice so far I might add.
Yeah, but things could get messy, and it'd be harder, so why not just move away now?
If Allah wills then so be it. They will be together, right, but that's what I think. It probably will be hard, but should she risk everything?
How do you know Allah hasn't planned for this guy to convert because of her?
She can atleast try.
The 'just forget him', has been the best advice so far.
Logic and love don't mix.
Telling her to forget him, regardless of how she feels is unrealistic. She will not forget him easily, or anytime soon. So there's no point in saying it, it's just dismissive.
So she might aswell take this islamically and make preparations.
Nusayba
30-11-06, 06:21 PM
Emotions dont switch on/off. Alhumdulillah the deen is not based on emotion. Sound judgement however, does allow us to switch on and off, and make the right decisions based on Islam.
Its better to refrain from giving advice if all you can give is one of an illogical adolescent nature.
The 'just forget him', has been the best advice so far I might add.
Excellent reply MashaAllah. Same with your previous post!
scribble
30-11-06, 06:22 PM
How do you know Allah hasn't planned for this guy to convert because of her?
She can atleast try.
That's just it, I don't know. But if he's not interested.. Besides, she really does want to move on, she says herself.
She could try, it's not my decision after all. But, in my opinion, if the guy isn't interested in Islam, and if this 'love' was merely some sort of 'crush' or something, I'd move on.
Logic and love don't mix.
Telling her to forget him, regardless of how she feels is unrealistic. She will not forget him easily, or anytime soon. So there's no point in saying it, it's just dismissive.
So she might aswell take this islamically and make preparations.
As a muslim, I couldnt care less about 'logic and love not mixing'.
This isnt about love, its about infatuation.
And encouraging someone to spend time with a non-muslim whom they are infatuated with is unislamic and irresponsible. Like I said, we should think twice before giving our naive naseehah.
Taking this Islamically, will be to increase her dhikr of Allah (swt) and spend time in good company.
Mr_Jailer
30-11-06, 06:24 PM
Excellent reply MashaAllah. Same with your previous post!
I second that. Nawar rocks with her advice :inlove:
(Nawar: I cudn't rep u 'cos I repped u y'day)
As a muslim, I couldnt care less about 'logic and love not mixing'.
This isnt about love, its about infatuation.
And encouraging someone to spend time with a non-muslim whom they are infatuated with is unislamic and irresponsible. Like I said, we should think twice before giving our naive naseehah.
Taking this Islamically, will be to increase her dhikr of Allah (swt) and spen time in good company.
Infatuation and logic don't mix.
You think giving logical advice to someone who is infatuated with another; is effective?
Who encouraged her to spend time with him?
Mr_Jailer
30-11-06, 06:28 PM
Infatuation and logic don't mix.
You think giving logical advice to someone who is infatuated with another; is effective?
Who encouraged her to spend time with him?
"Therfore remind, surely reminder does benefit" - Surah Al'A'la (87:9)
Infatuation and logic don't mix.
You think giving logical advice to someone who is infatuated with another; is effective?
Who encouraged her to spend time with him?
Any advice encouraging her to try and convert him is ridiculous. This implies spending time with him, which is what she will think.
Islaam is compatible, it mixes with anything. So increasing her dhikrAllah (swt) and spending time in the company of good people, is the most effective, practical, realistic, islamic advice any muslim can give to another.
In my opinion, and only in my opinion...
The fact that this young man is "forbidden" to her is part of what makes him so attractive.
Young people, and especially young women, often find stories of "impossible love" to be very romantic. (Remember Romeo?)
But part of becoming an adult is learning to set aside our short-term desires for long-term goals, even ones that you can't yet fully appreciate.
While it may feel as though your heart were breaking, that you were literally going to die, you can and will survive this hardship...if you choose to.
I would strongly suggest that you talk with your mother about this problem.
She loves you very, very much and wants to hear about your problems and help you with them. She wants to demonstrate her love for you.
I would ask that you stop for a moment and quit thinking about your pain and sadness and use this as a chance to be generous -- give your mother an opportunity to show her love for you.
Talk with her. Please.
Cristiana
30-11-06, 06:32 PM
Thank you for your replys, I feel better just letting this out.
He isnt into his own religion, and is disinteristed in Islam. We are opposites in so many ways.
I just want to be able to see him and not feel anything, its as if my heart leaps for joy just by getting a glimpse of him.
I really do want to walk away, If there are any dua or supplications that could help me, please tell me.
I think religious people (non-muslim) tend to be more receptive of Islam than non religious people. At the same time, trying to teach him about Islam will only get you closer and more exposed to him... so it's a gamble... it will be more difficult to walk away if he doesn't respond as you hope...
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best:)
Any advice encouraging her to try and convert him is ridiculous. This implies spending time with him, which is what she will think.
Islaam is compatible, it mixes with anything. So increasing her dhikrAllah (swt) and spending time in the company of good people, is the most effective, practical, realistic, islamic advice any muslim can give to another.
Trying to convert a person is not ridiculous, nor is are her reasons for wanting to convert him. She does not need to spend time with for this to happen, she can give him books (instead of recommending some for him to get himself), and she can find means in which to keep eye on his progress - either accepting the material or rejecting it.
Either way, she is progressing. Towards her goal, or towards her reconsidering this - either way, she would be progressing.
I'm sorry, but in many cases the most common and useless advice to give someone who is infatuated, or in love, or taken by a strong emotion - is "forget it" or "just move on with your life".
Obviously, or most likely - she has tried, and she has admitted she feels she is getting depressed because of this situation. I feel a more constructive, and systematic approach is more suitable to this nature because she will not jsut "forget about him" even if she wants to.
I am not disagreeing, however, with what you are putting forward - you are technically correct, but you must also consider the underlying situation and appreciate the complexity that emotion would bring into such things of this nature. I don't feel you have - or atleast expressed it well enough for me to have accepted your post in general.
No, you have not understand the underlying situation. Otherwise you would not advise an infatuated person, to continue thinking about the non-muslim man whome they are infatuated with :rolleyes:
A mature person realises that this is very dangerous. The nature of infatuation could lead this person down a undesirable path. THIS is understanding the situation, and sometimes, all these people require is Islamic support from their brothers and sisters.
So inshallah I think the best advice is for her to keep her mind busy with other things and increase her dhikr of Allah (swt).
:up:
No, you have not understand the underlying situation. Otherwise you would not advise an infatuated person, to continue thinking about the non-muslim man whome they are infatuated with :rolleyes:
A mature person realises that this is very dangerous. The nature of infatuation could lead this person down a undesirable path. THIS is understanding the situation, and sometimes, all these people require is Islamic support from their brothers and sisters.
So inshallah I think the best advice is for her to keep her mind busy with other things and increase her dhikr of Allah (swt).
:up:
I do not share this sentiment.
The over-laying fact, is that she will continue to think about her feelings and he. Telling her she has no options, will only accentuate further emotional conflict and a sense of hopelessness.
Even though that is the most logical advice.
Whether she decides to get this guy to convert to Islam, will spell out the sincerity of her emotions. She would be doing this Islamically, and also get the person she wants at the end of it in marriage if Allah wills it.
She needs constructive advice - mine might not be her preference, but anything other than a simple "forget him" would not help.
This is really a non issue.
Because Islam is not based on yours on my 'sentiments'.
Nor what we 'think'
Nor what we believe 'mixes'
Nor how 'we' believe' people should live their lives.
Nor do we as muslims, try and convert people to 'spell out the sincerity of our emotions' :scratch:
Islamically, there is no need for her to converse with a non-mahram, except out of necessity. There is no need for this here, it is not necessity. Islamically, if one fears fitnah, she should do all she can to avoid this situation and avoid this person. Islamically, if she feels infatuated with someone and it is consuming her mind, the best advice is that she should increase her rememberance of Allah (swt).
In totality, this essentially means clearing her mind of him. 'forgetting' him if you like.
What i advised was not unIslamic. It was realistic.
What you advised was not unIslamic. It was unrealistic.
Mr_Jailer
30-11-06, 07:10 PM
Whether she decides to get this guy to convert to Islam, will spell out the sincerity of her emotions. She would be doing this Islamically, and also get the person she wants at the end of it in marriage if Allah wills it.
She needs constructive advice - mine might not be her preference, but anything other than a simple "forget him" would not help.
Bro, however much she desires for him to be converted, it is Allah swt that guides... whether Allah guides or not - we can not sit a round waitin' for it... it's a waste of time. In the end it may be Allah swt will that he will not be guided, n she's wasted a few years of her life in hopeless love.
We can not control what Allah responsible for - guidance of mankind.
The sister needs to move far away from the guy, she shouldn't go in an environment where they're likely to meet n stir up her feelin's inside, or even consider 'bout meetin'... this will play on her mind... the less contact there is, the quicker the memories will fade n the reality will sink in.
Mr_Jailer
30-11-06, 07:11 PM
Nawar - what u think of my adice above - is it sound?
I'm sure Nawar will mark your answer and give you top marks..
However, it was implied my advice was un-Islamic. That I did not accept. If Nawar or anyone else feels my advice was unrealistic, or bad advice for logical reasons - then you are free to.
It's not like we're competiting for which advise she takes.
I stand by my opinion that she needs constructive advice - and if you deem mine not to be, then give her more suggestions other than the classic "move on with your life".
I'll be back later tonight to check this thread.
I'm sure Nawar will mark your answer and give you top marks..
However, it was implied my advice was un-Islamic. That I did not accept. If Nawar or anyone else feels my advice was unrealistic, or bad advice for logical reasons - then you are free to.
It's not like we're competiting for which advise she takes.
I stand by my opinion that she needs constructive advice - and if you deem mine not to be, then give her more suggestions other than the classic "move on with your life".
I'll be back later tonight to check this thread.
we shud always give advice islamically.
Mr_Jailer
30-11-06, 07:16 PM
I stand by my opinion that she needs constructive advice - and if you deem mine not to be, then give her more suggestions other than the classic "move on with your life".
I'll be back later tonight to check this thread.
Bro, ok, that 'move on with your life' is unrealistic... but if explained elborated it makes sense.
Why move on with your life? Me n auntie Nawar hav answered that.
Nusayba
30-11-06, 07:28 PM
we shud always give advice islamically.
I agree, or else you'll only mislead..
On the authority of Abu Muhammad Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-Aas, who said : The messenger of Allah, said:
"None of you [truely] believes until his inclination is accordance with what I have brought."
Nusayba
30-11-06, 07:35 PM
danger of speaking from your own nafs:
“Had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy unto you in this world and in the Hereafter, a great torment would have touched you for that whereof you had spoken. When you were propagating it with your tongues and uttering with your mouths that whereof you had no knowledge, you counted it a little thing, while with Allaah it was very great.”
[al-Noor 24:14
Bro, ok, that 'move on with your life' is unrealistic... but if explained elborated it makes sense.
Why move on with your life? Me n auntie Nawar hav answered that.
The reason why she should move is undisputable. However, realistically achieving this is disputable - that is why I believe its not really a constructive point of advice.
She knows she must forget him - but she is unable, thus she is looking for a different route to take.
I am only obliging. I have not advised something un-Islamic; only that she take a more mature and daring approach. If she succeeds - then she will not only have reverted a future brother - but also may have won herself a future husband.
Or am i too sentimental :coolbro:
If u get him to revert, let him do it on his own accord, for His love for Allah and the truth in Islam, not for ur relationship. Otherwise if he doesn't u will need to keep ur distance. You can give him dawah, but preferably someone else ie male to male give dawah.
NaBiiHa
30-11-06, 08:51 PM
In my opinion, and only in my opinion...
The fact that this young man is "forbidden" to her is part of what makes him so attractive.
Young people, and especially young women, often find stories of "impossible love" to be very romantic. (Remember Romeo?)
But part of becoming an adult is learning to set aside our short-term desires for long-term goals, even ones that you can't yet fully appreciate.
While it may feel as though your heart were breaking, that you were literally going to die, you can and will survive this hardship...if you choose to.
I would strongly suggest that you talk with your mother about this problem.
She loves you very, very much and wants to hear about your problems and help you with them. She wants to demonstrate her love for you.
I would ask that you stop for a moment and quit thinking about your pain and sadness and use this as a chance to be generous -- give your mother an opportunity to show her love for you.
Talk with her. Please.
Masha allah best advise she can get come from her family espe...from her MOM
Wow. I'm not even a Muslim and I can see in the above response several very obvious violations of Islamic teaching.
If you are such a strong advocate for Islam, why are you so quick to violate the specific teachings of the Prophet, may peace and blessings be always upon Him, and Sunnah?
Instead of using dirty words and encouraging a Muslim to do what's wrong, wouldn't it be better to encourage her to draw closer to her mother and to her faith?
I can see how a lot of good might come from this.
The young woman seems to feel bad that her family isn't more religious. This, too, could be a subject the young woman could discuss with her mother. Perhaps once the mother realizes what's happening, the entire family might end up growing closer to Islam and Islamic practice.
The reason why she should move is undisputable. However, realistically achieving this is disputable - that is why I believe its not really a constructive point of advice.
She knows she must forget him - but she is unable, thus she is looking for a different route to take.
I am only obliging. I have not advised something un-Islamic; only that she take a more mature and daring approach. If she succeeds - then she will not only have reverted a future brother - but also may have won herself a future husband.
You are very confused if thats your idea of 'realistic' advice :rolleyes:
We are not living in an adolescent fairy land. Theres a bit of realism for you :up:
Encouraging someone to pursue and consume their mind with infatuation of a non-muslim man for Allahu alim how long, is NOT islamic advice.
You should really keep your nasty words to yourself Medievilist.
Because no one here wants to hear them.
Nor do we care less about what you do and do not want.
Astagfirullah.
Learn the adhab of speaking like a muslim.
your revolted cos u live on planet zod and not in relaity, people make mistkes , maybe its a way of allah swt guiding them, becos of these mistkaes, u need to learn how to put your head in gear b4 letting your mouth run of with u, your clueless
:rotfl:
Medievalist
30-11-06, 09:36 PM
And you should understand the contempt Allah (swt) has of those who slander and speak in a lewd manner about their muslim sisters.
Deal with that. I dont wish to hear any more of your obscene nonsense.
Astagfirullah.
The problem with people is that they try to be all politically correct all the time. the need for muslims is to hear condemnation and harshness now and again because in all honesty its the softness that has resulted in people being lax in the deen.
speaking in a lewd manner about muslim sisters? You feeling alright? I coulda used a lot more harsher words that people would be saying and theres no point denying it.
Anyhoo - I've said what I needed to and this little circle I've got myself into is tiresome.
You carry on with whatever it is you were doing.
:salams
ur_yusra
30-11-06, 09:37 PM
The problem with people is that they try to be all politically correct all the time. the need for muslims is to hear condemnation and harshness now and again because in all honesty its the softness that has resulted in people being lax in the deen.
speaking in a lewd manner about muslim sisters? You feeling alright? I coulda used a lot more harsher words that people would be saying and theres no point denying it.
Anyhoo - I've said what I needed to and this little circle I've got myself into is tiresome.
You carry on with whatever it is you were doing.
Good riddance next time don't make your way in these threads at all.
He's as funny as a haemorrhoid (sp?)
He's as funny as a haemorrhoid (sp?)
:rotfl::rofl1::up:
surah nur ayat 4. And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fâsiqûn (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allâh).
5. Except those who repent thereafter and do righteous deeds, (for such) verily, Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
our sister said she has resisted, that she seeks help to rid her of this insha Allah ta ala,may Allah ta ala assist her and remove the confusion from her heart amin
ur_yusra
30-11-06, 09:49 PM
surah nur ayat 4. And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fâsiqûn (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allâh).
5. Except those who repent thereafter and do righteous deeds, (for such) verily, Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
our sister said she has resisted, that she seeks help to rid her of this insha Allah ta ala,may Allah ta ala assist her and remove the confusion from her heart amin
Subhan'Allah.. Allah (swt) does now wrong any of his slaves..
Aameen to the duah
Nusayba
30-11-06, 09:51 PM
ameen asiya
May allah swt guide this sister and grant her sabr ameen
Maureen
30-11-06, 09:55 PM
Assalaam Alakoum,
I am so confused...I dont know what to do...
I find myself with very deep feelings for a kufr. From the moment i met him, until i got to know him, these feelings have been present - Ive really tried to stop myself and keep away, but i cant.
Are there any duas or anything for this sort of thing, something that will stop the ache in my heart?
Please help.
Do not walk away from him. Love him with all the mind, body and soul and you will be rewarded.:inlove:
Ive got my first day of supply teaching tomorrow and im kinda nervous!
Ive got my first day of supply teaching tomorrow and im kinda nervous!
and why would u post this in the "im in love with a kufr" thread? :rubeyes:
Do not walk away from him. Love him with all the mind, body and soul and you will be rewarded.:inlove:
Maureen please, its a sister asking for islamic advice not fairytale advice
and why would u post this in the "im in love with a kufr" thread? :rubeyes:
i really dont know!
i really dont know!
@):buttkick::icon_offtopic:
i was reading some of them commments and they werent very nice, nor were they helpful to a sister if she really is in such a situation so i thought id change the subject for a bit!
ur_yusra
30-11-06, 10:06 PM
i was reading some of them commments and they werent very nice, nor were they helpful to a sister if she really is in such a situation so i thought id change the subject for a bit!
lol.. good luck bro :up:
lol.. good luck bro :up:
Insha'Allah it'll be alright, but its not gonna be one of them days where i teach my specialism, its like general cover so could be teaching anything and i really struggle with english, innit!
Nusayba
30-11-06, 10:09 PM
Insha'Allah it'll be alright, but its not gonna be one of them days where i teach my specialism, its like general cover so could be teaching anything and i really struggle with english, innit!
your english is superb..:up:...give dawah inshaAllah:up:
Salman Al-Farsi
30-11-06, 10:11 PM
assalam alaykum guys
please be reasonable and understanding in your naseeha, if basic rules of naseeha can't be observed please don't bother saying anything.
jazakAllahukhayr
I could give dawah, its a predominantly muslim school anyway and theres a masjid like 50 yards away so im going to try to take some of the students/teachers to jummah with me if they dont go already!
Salman Al-Farsi
30-11-06, 10:19 PM
can we just stick to the topic here please.
Al-Irhaab
30-11-06, 10:25 PM
this is what happens when i dont post in a thread....
:1popcorn:
my two cents....
1) dont forget him, dont even think abt him? there is nothing to forget... its shaitan whispering in ur ear and causing u to forget ur deen... ask youself if someone cursed ur mother would u love him? or if someone abused ur father would u take him as a husband? if someone insulted and spoke ill of u would u take them as ur friend? well then how can ur heart entertain the closeness for a person who denys the one who you love more then anyone alive, ie allah (Swt) and a person who denys his messenger (saw) and who denys the word of allah (swT)... why would u want to have feelings for someone who has no respect for the law of allah (swT)... i dont believe in this that feelings cant be turned off, yes they can. see him for what he is, a disbeliever in allah (Swt) , the one who created you gave you everything, and the one who loves you more then anyone can... so in short best advice is spnd time in the rememberance of allah (swT) and ur heart will be covered from the wisperings of shaitan..
2)anyone who calls a muslim sis, by the words used in this thread, naudhubillah should fear allah (SwT).... subhanallah how a persons tongue doesnt shudder when it speaks of a muslimah like that... :rubeyes: i havent heard ulema even speak about muslimahs who commit zina with those words....
Al-Irhaab
30-11-06, 10:40 PM
oh and just to point out.. this is what i mean when i say people need to stick to reference points... when a person on another thread speaks according to his nafs and against the quran and sunnah but you like what he says you praise him, but when he speaks on this thread from his nafs against the quran and sunnah you detest what he has said.... :rolleyes: eiher way if u agreed with his reasoning on the other threads then dont be surprised when hes saying what hes saying on this thread....
Maureen
30-11-06, 10:45 PM
Maureen please, its a sister asking for islamic advice not fairytale advice
And the answer is to do what I said, not some of the irrevalent things that have been suggested here. Love conquers all!
ur_yusra
30-11-06, 10:47 PM
And the answer is to do what I said, not some of the irrevalent things that have been suggested here. Love conquers all!
Maybe.. but it doesn't conquer the principles of Islam.
Al-Irhaab
30-11-06, 10:48 PM
And the answer is to do what I said, not some of the irrevalent things that have been suggested here. Love conquers all!
yeah but it doesnt conquer hell does it... :rolleyes:
yeah but it doesnt conquer hell does it... :rolleyes:
That's worth a rep:up:
Khubaib
01-12-06, 01:58 AM
yeah but it doesnt conquer hell does it... :rolleyes:
:cool:
I know there are brothers and sisters who have given advice already but I just wanted to add one more voice to the correct opinion. Sister, stay away from the boy.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Chapter: The teachings of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) on how to deal with love.
This is one of the diseases of the heart, which are different from other diseases in their causes and remedies. If they take hold, they become too difficult for the doctors to treat and they cause a great deal of trouble for the sick person.
Then he said: Love of images only affects hearts that are void of the love of Allaah and that turn away from Him and are content with things other than Allaah. But when the heart is filled with love of Allaah and the longing to see Him, that wards off the sickness of attraction to images. Hence Allaah said concerning Yoosuf (interpretation of the meaning):
“Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves”
[Yoosuf 12:24]
Try to talk to your parents about marriage.
Here are some dua's from islamqa.com
With regard to making du'aa', Allaah answers those who call upon Him and are sincere in their du'aa'. If you say any of the following du'aa's:
Allaahumma tahhir qalbi (O Allaah, purify my heart);
Yaa Muqallib al-quloob, thabbit qalbi 'ala taa'atika (O Controller of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in obedience to You);
Allaahumma iqsim li min khashiyatika ma tahoolu bihi bayni wa bayna ma'siyatika (O Allaah, give me a share of fear of You which will intervene between me and sin);
Allaahumma inni as'aluka al-hudaa wa'l-tuqaa wa'l-'afaaf wa'l-ghinaa (O Allaah, I ask You for guidance, piety, chastity and independence);
Allaahumma Faatir al-samawaati wa'l-ard, 'Aalim al-ghaybi wa'l-shahaadah, laa ilaaha ill anta, Rabba kulli shay'in wa Maleekahu, a'oodhu bika min sharri nafsi wa min sharr il-Shaytaan wa sharakihi, wa an aqtarif 'ala nafsi soo'an aw ajurrahu 'ala muslimin (O Allaah, Creator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the unseen and the seen, There is no god except You, Lord and Sovereign of all things. I seek refuge with You from the evil of my own self and from the evil and traps of the Shaytaan, and from committing any sin against my own self or bringing evil upon any Muslim)
- all of these are good du'aa's which were narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
(See Tarteeb Ahaadeeth Saheeh al-Jaami': Baab al 'Ad'iyah al-Ma'thoorah).
This must be accompanied by sincerity and persistence in making du'aa'. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.
Remember. You don't enjoy these feelings, it is shaytan, this is why you are seeking help and Allah will protect you if you do your part and ask Him.
Allah knows best.
*~IslamRulez~*
01-12-06, 02:03 AM
:start:
As salamu aliakum,
MashaAllah some of the muslim brothers and sisters (ie: Nawar, Abu Muslim, Al-Irhab, Khubaib) have advised the sister in question wisely.
However, it’s disappointing to see a few of the muslims here are actually encouraging her to love him with all her might and to give dawah which will acquire her to socialize with a kafir man whom she apparently has deep feelings for. The consequences of her giving dawah to him herself outweigh the benefits. It is better for her to protect her honour and acknowledge her duty towards Allah (swt) first than to give dawah to him so that she could marry him. It will only create temptation and fitna (may Allah protect her, ameen). As for giving him dawah so that he can be saved from eternal Hell, other muslim brothers can give him the dawah and she does not need to get involved but remember only Allah (swt) guides (those who want to be guided).
(Note: she wants to ‘keep away’ from him so help her and do not confuse her further inshaAllah)
wassalam
Maureen
01-12-06, 02:55 AM
yeah but it doesnt conquer hell does it... :rolleyes:
Love conquers hell, because God is love.
*~IslamRulez~*
01-12-06, 03:20 AM
:start:
As salamu alaikum,
My advice to the sister…
In my opinion, it’s best for you to stay away from him at all means and don’t let shaytaan take control of your mind and heart inshaAllah. The love you feel for him is not true love and will never last. The only true and everlasting love is the love for the sake of Allah (swt).
You should occupy yourself with acts of worship and obedience (ie dhikr, fasting), spend time gaining Islamic knowledge, give dawah to your family, and get married as soon as you can (to a “practicing brother” who can give you halal love, respect, and the rights you deserve). Do not give the shaytaan any opportunity to reach your heart or distract you, inshaAllah.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1905) and Muslim (1400).
Along with obligatory prayers, perform extra nafils as much as and as often as you can especially during the tahajjud time to draw closer to Allah (swt) and fill your heart with love for Allah (swt)…all of your pain and suffering will go away and everything else in the world will become insignificant, inshaAllah.
According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks.
Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (al-Bukhaari, 6137)
May Allah (swt) ease your pain, rectify your affairs, and protect you, ameen.
I hope I’ve helped inshaAllah. May Allah (swt) forgive me my mistakes, ameen.
Wassalam
MWarrior
01-12-06, 07:38 AM
Good riddance next time don't make your way in these threads at all.
no need to be so rude yeah
MWarrior
01-12-06, 07:41 AM
just want to ask how can you be in love with kufr ?
i thought you in love with like another religion or something ?
no one uses the term kufr to refer to nonmuslims. you use "kaafir".
HardRock
01-12-06, 08:03 AM
Thank you for your replys, I feel better just letting this out.
He isnt into his own religion, and is disinteristed in Islam. We are opposites in so many ways.
I just want to be able to see him and not feel anything, its as if my heart leaps for joy just by getting a glimpse of him.
I really do want to walk away, If there are any dua or supplications that could help me, please tell me.
Sister, just breathe, relax.....don't panic or hasten to a quick desicion...or it can be a wrong desicion!....Pray nawafil, make istighfaar (Astaghfirullah) when u see him....and/or ask ask Allah to guide him to Islam....
In My Opinion the best dua is not to ask for him per se, but to ask for what is BEST for you....because only Allah knows what is in your Qadr (destiny) and He knows what is best for you.
So just relax......and dont worry.....
InshaAllah, if you need further help, just keep posting...the brothers and sisters here are very good at giving naseeha Alhamduillah.
Enigma Dreamer
01-12-06, 08:04 AM
Assalaamu aleykum.
It is my sincree hope that this is gonna help you.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a Muslim to make friends with a mushrik or to take him as a close friend, because Islam calls on us to forsake the kaafirs and to disavow them, because they worship someone other than Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
O you who believe! Take not as friends the people who incurred the Wrath of Allaah (i.e. the Jews). Surely, they have despaired of (receiving any good in) the Hereafter, just as the disbelievers have despaired of those (buried) in graves (that they will not be resurrected on the Day of Resurrection)”
[al-Mumtahanah 60:13]
This was also the teaching of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). – It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, “Do not keep company with anyone but a believer and do not let anyone eat your food but one who is pious.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2395; Abu Dawood, 4832. Abu ‘Eesa al-Tirmidhi said: this hadeeth is hasan. It was also classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 2519).
Abu ‘Eesa al-Khattaabi said: Rather he warned against keeping company with anyone who is not pious and against mixing with them or eating with them, because eating with a person instills friendship and love in the heart.
He said: do not make friends with anyone who is not pious; do not take him as a companion with whom you eat and chat.
Ma’aalim al-Sunan, Haamish Mukhtasar Sunan Abi Dawood, 7/185, 186).
– It was narrated from Samurah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not live among the mushrikeen and do not mix with them, for whoever lives among them or mixes with them is not one of us.” (Narrated by al-Bayhaqi, 9/142; al-Haakim, 2/154. He said, it is saheeh according to the conditions of al-Bukhaari. The hadeeth was also classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 2/229 with its corroborating reports).
But it is permissible to deal with them in a kind manner in the hope that they might become Muslim.
It was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: There was a Jewish boy who used to serve the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he fell sick. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to visit him. He sat by his head and said, “Become Muslim.” (The boy) looked at his father who was with him, and he (the father) said, “Obey Abu’l-Qaasim (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” So he became Muslim, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went out, saying, “Praise be to Allaah Who has saved him from the Fire” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1290).
And Allaah knows best.
Source:http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=21530&ln=eng&txt=in%20love%20with%20a%20Kaafir
HardRock
01-12-06, 08:10 AM
Love conquers hell, because God is love.
Maureen, Love is a feeling Given to us By God....He[God] cant literally be a Feeling...do you understand what im trying to say?
God is the Creator of Love and Mercy and whatever it encompasses but He isnt lietreally these feelings....that's like somone saying God is Air....or God is Oxygen.....doesn't work that way....hope u understand :)
Al-Irhaab
01-12-06, 10:58 AM
no need to be so rude yeah
you should look to correct the broher first for what he said and then speak to the sister about being rude... personally compared to what the brother said hers wasnt rude at all
My my..I can see we've all become such talented counsellors
CheifJunior
01-12-06, 12:12 PM
My my..I can see we've all become such talented counsellors
You should get a career in that kind of stuff. YOu will go far. :D
You should get a career in that kind of stuff. YOu will go far. :D
I'm busy scheduling my chat show - tomorrow's topic; Are 'Black & White' really colours..and will it rain in London next year?
This is so wrong what this sister is doing, I used to know a brother who used to go out with a kaffir girls, its fornication, its not even legit this relationship, muslims r being humiliated all around the world, you got sisters being gangraped in uzbekistan, iraq etc and yet u got brothers and sisters dating kaffirs, muslims in the uk need to fix up.
I think the brothers r most at fault, when u got muslim brothers going out with donna or monica, then sisters will think, well if hes doing it, so will I, and then you will get saffiyah or Sadia going out with Jason or Tom Lightwater, that where it all starts from.
Medievalist
01-12-06, 02:32 PM
2)anyone who calls a muslim sis, by the words used in this thread, naudhubillah should fear allah (SwT).... subhanallah how a persons tongue doesnt shudder when it speaks of a muslimah like that... :rubeyes: i havent heard ulema even speak about muslimahs who commit zina with those words....
come with me and I'll show them to you bruv.:rolleyes:
Al-Irhaab
01-12-06, 02:42 PM
come with me and I'll show them to you bruv.:rolleyes:
bro i sat down with ulema in different countries and ulema from different madhaibs and aqaid... but none of them when speaking to a sister who has committed zina have called her that... and this sis hasnt even committed zina or even the lesser forms... she is asking for guidance, and repentance even before she has committed that sin mashallah... the place is to guide not to insult...
Medievalist
01-12-06, 02:53 PM
bro i sat down with ulema in different countries and ulema from different madhaibs and aqaid... but none of them when speaking to a sister who has committed zina have called her that... and this sis hasnt even committed zina or even the lesser forms... she is asking for guidance, and repentance even before she has committed that sin mashallah... the place is to guide not to insult...
my brother my comments were general. I dont claim to have read through this whole thread. But for sure there are ulama out there who use such words for women like that. Its a fact.
Black_Flag
01-12-06, 02:58 PM
its the shaytan tricking u...stay away from him!
CheifJunior
01-12-06, 05:23 PM
This is so wrong what this sister is doing, I used to know a brother who used to go out with a kaffir girls, its fornication, its not even legit this relationship, muslims r being humiliated all around the world, you got sisters being gangraped in uzbekistan, iraq etc and yet u got brothers and sisters dating kaffirs, muslims in the uk need to fix up.
"A fix up" wont solve the "problem", it will make it worse.
Muttaqi
01-12-06, 08:39 PM
First of all, sincerely ask Allah for help....
Then empty your mind, thoughts and feelings of things that are unworthy of consuming your thoughts and feelings. Once your mind and heart is empty of such unworthy objects of desire or love, then fill it with love of things worthy of love. This can be achived by realising that the object of your desire is not worth wasting your energy over, as it's like wanting to touch the sun.
Then you should remove yourself from things/places that will provoke thoughts and feelings of that object you are infatuated with.... remember Allah much and ask him for forgiveness, read Qur'an, pray your salah on time, and learn your deen. You will inshAllah feel at peace and not feel sick the way you did when you were infatuated with that thing (it is vitally important that you disassociate emotionally and mentally from that 'thing'.)
Maureen
01-12-06, 09:56 PM
Maureen, Love is a feeling Given to us By God....He[God] cant literally be a Feeling...do you understand what im trying to say?
God is the Creator of Love and Mercy and whatever it encompasses but He isnt lietreally these feelings....that's like somone saying God is Air....or God is Oxygen.....doesn't work that way....hope u understand :)
I do understand what you are saying and it is something I have thought about alot in the past, but I still stick to "God is love" Of course love is a feeling, and the point is that God IS everything that is good and can conquer all. In fact he can do anything and be anything.
To return to the original discussion, I would say to the thread starter that she shold be careful about taking the advice given to her by some here, and instead, pray to God about it. In the stillness of prayers we can hear God's answer. If we hear nothing, maybe it is because God knows we already know the answer.
Assalaam Alakoum,
I am so confused...I dont know what to do...
I find myself with very deep feelings for a kufr. From the moment i met him, until i got to know him, these feelings have been present - Ive really tried to stop myself and keep away, but i cant.
Are there any duas or anything for this sort of thing, something that will stop the ache in my heart?
Please help.
you cant seduce him into being a convert.....tutz
take a break, take some control and this is the crunch
like someone's broken your leg off, get over him and wait in heaven
seriously in heaven......if you are a believer
Thankyou for all of your replys,
I think i just need sabr and to keep making dua. I think its working, I am weening myself off, a little at a time...
Thankyou, you are the only people i told and it felt good to just release it, one way or another...
:o
Good to hear from you dear sis.
Keep yourself busy with the rememberance of Allah (swt) Inshallah. Always :)
Lambo5688
05-12-06, 10:22 PM
That boy is shaytaan undercover. It is the shaytaan's mission to mislead humankind and he will mislead you until your destruction. Please sis, stay away from that boy, the feelings you have for him are temporary. After many years when you are married to a muslim brother, you will realize that you were about to make a foolish mistake. A muslim can never have a peaceful life married to a kafir.
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