View Full Version : An Obedient Wife?
ur_yusra
24-11-06, 10:47 PM
We all know that the wife must obey the husband unless he tells her to do something outside the boundaries of Islam..
This is a serious question and I would really appreciate valuable input. What if the husband asks his wife to do things which aren't against Islam but are stupid.
For example.. though it might sound silly but you get the jist.. for example if he asks her to stand on one leg? or if he tells her she can only eat once a day.. or if he says you can't eat that apple.. or if she has cooked for him and he asks her to go and cook again (some men make their wives cook three times a day)..
Anyway things like that.
ibn suleman
24-11-06, 11:00 PM
urmmm whats the question? :scratch:
ur_yusra
24-11-06, 11:04 PM
urmmm whats the question? :scratch:
Where do you draw the line when it comes to obeying the husband basically..
Or is there no line?
satisfaction
24-11-06, 11:07 PM
We all know that the wife must obey the husband unless he tells her to do something outside the boundaries of Islam..
This is a serious question and I would really appreciate valuable input. What if the husband asks his wife to do things which aren't against Islam but are stupid.
For example.. though it might sound silly but you get the jist.. for example if he asks her to stand on one leg? or if he tells her she can only eat once a day.. or if he says you can't eat that apple.. or if she has cooked for him and he asks her to go and cook again (some men make their wives cook three times a day)..
Anyway things like that.
ackhi for all things we have the intentions in our heart deep to the core like for when we wake up in the moring for the day, what is the intention in our heart truly for what cloths we are going to wear for what or what things we will take with us for what, allah swt knows all, sees all, infeinte knowledge is his and etc..
are you implying allah swt is stupid
ibn suleman
24-11-06, 11:07 PM
ackhi for all things we have the intentions in our heart deep to the core like for when we wake up in the moring for the day, what is the intention in our heart truly for what cloths we are going to wear for what or what things we will take with us for what, allah swt knows all, sees all, infeinte knowledge is his and etc..
are you implying allah swt is stupid
where d'yu get that from?
Ibn-e-Muslim
24-11-06, 11:08 PM
sounds like hubby punishing his wife :D
well it depends, if he asked u to do stupid things which wont harm u in a way then do it to please him, its all about love/care/respect or a humor between 2
if he is being rude always n enjoys his wife taking orders n going thru pain then taking talaq from such husband wud b appriciated
well thnx for the inspiration i wud ask my wife to stand on 1 leg :D
satisfaction
24-11-06, 11:10 PM
where d'yu get that from?
im saying if the person in his heart knows what he is doing is stupid and are false intentions oviously he will answer for that
ibn suleman
24-11-06, 11:13 PM
Where do you draw the line when it comes to obeying the husband basically..
Or is there no line?
its quite sujective, who defines what a stpid thing is...
but the odd thing every now and then is fine i think (not sure why he'd ask her to stand on one leg though :p) but if its unreasonable and it causes difficulty to the wife then thats a different issue.
As Dr Phil would say "relationships are negotiated". If she doesn't like what the husband has asked her to do, she can always discuss her concerns with him if she doesn't like to do as he's asked or if it hurts or inconveniences her in some way. Some women are patient about it and know the husband has funny habits and adjust to that without minding very much but other women can find it upsetting. If it's a truly Islamic marriage and they liked each other for marriage due to piety, then she can ask what the husband seeks to gain from asking her to stand on one leg? And whether making her leg tired and uncomfortable later when she wants to stand/bend for salah would really please Allah (swt)?;)
The important thing is that they show consideration for each others feelings. If the husband really cares about her, he should heed her concerns, listen and discuss with her what he wants to gain from the marriage, what he wants from his wife and what his wife wants from him- that's healthy in such a relationship. If he's just a weirdo control freak and ignores his wife's concerns, his odd demands could be a sign of something more sinister and the wife may need to seek outside help (such as a mutual friend/relative they both trust) to advise them on how to make the relationship more amicable. If the situation still deteriorates, it could be a sign that the marriage is not worth staying in- but leaving is obviously a last resort.
ibn suleman
24-11-06, 11:15 PM
im saying if the person in his heart knows what he is doing is stupid and are false intentions oviously he will answer for that
maybe its cos its late.....but im still :scratch:
Mushtanda
24-11-06, 11:23 PM
dr Phil??
I thought Muslims followed Quran and sunnah?
in reply to ure initial post.
if hes stupid enough to tell you to stand on one leg (unless hes a geek or a nerd to want to do an experiment):rolleyes: then what hes is telling you to do IS IN reality stupid, silly, and NO respect.
i mean wheres the respect?
thats one quality of a husband and wife. they should value each other and not ridicule by ordering them (the wife could do this-shes not always the innocent one) to stand on one leg!..
personally, i dont think its islamic. im sure its not islamic. never have i heard of it..
again respect..!
ur_yusra
24-11-06, 11:29 PM
in reply to ure initial post.
if hes stupid enough to tell you to stand on one leg (unless hes a geek or a nerd to want to do an experiment):rolleyes: then what hes is telling you to do IS IN reality stupid, silly, and NO respect.
i mean wheres the respect?
thats one quality of a husband and wife. they should value each other and not ridicule by ordering them (the wife could do this-shes not always the innocent one) to stand on one leg!..
personally, i dont think its islamic. im sure its not islamic. never have i heard of it..
again respect..!
Yeh but will she be sinning if she disobeys?
dr Phil??
I thought Muslims followed Quran and sunnah?
Muslims are permitted to learn from and adapt technology etc from Kufaar as long as none of what they learn contradicts Islam. I used to watch Dr Phil a lot, I ignore anything he says which contradicts Islam but a lot of things he says about personal relationships apply to how people relate to each other in a general sense so it's not always only applicable to Kufaar.
Yeh but will she be sinning if she disobeys?
hmm i dunno.
but i shudnt think so.
i guess in that case she should tell the husband to stand on one leg. seeing as it may just be respect.
i dont think its classed as sinning. but ull have to check.ill try and find ot for u.:)
Al-Irhaab
24-11-06, 11:41 PM
the wife must obey the husband unless he asks her to do sin... if she doesnt like what he asks her to do then she must obey him anyway and she has the choice of going to an alim to ask for khula..
in the case of the lifting one leg up.... which is a bit of a stupid husband to ask that... she must obey him and do it, if she doesnt she will be sinful .... but at the same time allah (swt) will ask her husband why he misused his authority that allah (Swt) gave him and made a joke of amarah....
but best to ask an alim...
Ibn-e-Muslim
24-11-06, 11:42 PM
all depends on intentions and ur relation
if ur relation is strong u both gona do what ever is needed to please each other withing islamic boundires ofcourse
i still feel like askin my wife to stand on 1 leg :D im just gona ask her if she likes to stand on 1 leg its up to her to accept or reject or ask me the same to do so *smilies*
the wife must obey the husband unless he asks her to do sin... if she doesnt like what he asks her to do then she must obey him anyway and she has the choice of going to an alim to ask for khula..
in the case of the lifting one leg up.... which is a bit of a stupid husband to ask that... she must obey him and do it, if she doesnt she will be sinful .... but at the same time allah (swt) will ask her husband why he misused his authority that allah (Swt) gave him and made a joke of amarah....
but best to ask an alim...
can u provide some daleel?
cos i think i would rather slap him.
all depends on intentions and ur relation
if ur relation is strong u both gona do what ever is needed to please each other withing islamic boundires ofcourse
i still feel like askin my wife to stand on 1 leg :D im just gona ask her if she likes to stand on 1 leg its up to her to accept or reject or ask me the same to do so *smilies*
erm. if a hubby n wife had that much respect. they wouldnt ask their spouse to stand on one leg.
unless they BOTH found it amusing which obviously is another story.
surely that would be humiliating and ill treating his wife, an abuse of his position as her maintainer and protector, and an opression upon her, you couldnt even treat a slave like that, so how could any muslim man who knows that his Rabb Allah ta ala, and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam, have ordered him to "fear Allah in regards to women" ask his beloved wife to do such things..
"technically" some may say he can do that,based on one hadith,but there is so much more evidence in the Quran and sahih sunnah about the treatment of women, and muhammad salallahu alleyhi is the example and he was nothing but kind to his wives, and even when they got upset about seemingly small matters, he treated them with the utmost kindness and respect. no true muslim man would behave like that to his wife or any muslim insha Allah Allahu alam but thats how i see it.
if she doesnt like what he asks her to do then she must obey him anyway and she has the choice of going to an alim to ask for khula..
The "Do it or divorce" approach seems a bit drastic, but I'm not surprised to see that here:rolleyes:
Al-Irhaab
24-11-06, 11:49 PM
can u provide some daleel?
cos i think i would rather slap him.
not saying dont slap him :D well for fun anyway....
but its based on the verses and hadith of obeying those in authority amongst u which included ur husband...
so the prophet (SaW) said obey the ruler even if he lashes ur back and takes ur money.... ie if hes oppressive... so the wife must obey him but there are hadith which talk about a person who misuses his authority...
also there is a fatwa one sec ill get it...
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=6990&ln=eng&txt=husband
the middle part about where she must obey him... but the rest of it is relevant to...
Mushtanda
24-11-06, 11:49 PM
Muslims are permitted to learn from and adapt technology etc from Kufaar as long as none of what they learn contradicts Islam. I used to watch Dr Phil a lot, I ignore anything he says which contradicts Islam but a lot of things he says about personal relationships apply to how people relate to each other in a general sense so it's not always only applicable to Kufaar.
There is a difference between ideas and technology.
Al-Irhaab
24-11-06, 11:50 PM
The "Do it or divorce" approach seems a bit drastic, but I'm not surprised to see that here:rolleyes:
i never said do it or divorce... :rolleyes:
maybe u have a problem reading.... if he insists then she must obey him... and she believes its oppression then she can resort to asking for khula if valid islamically but she must obey that is the point...
Al-Irhaab
24-11-06, 11:53 PM
surely that would be humiliating and ill treating his wife, an abuse of his position as her maintainer and protector, and an opression upon her, you couldnt even treat a slave like that, so how could any muslim man who knows that his Rabb Allah ta ala, and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam, have ordered him to "fear Allah in regards to women" ask his beloved wife to do such things..
"technically" some may say he can do that,based on one hadith,but there is so much more evidence in the Quran and sahih sunnah about the treatment of women, and muhammad salallahu alleyhi is the example and he was nothing but kind to his wives, and even when they got upset about seemingly small matters, he treated them with the utmost kindness and respect. no true muslim man would behave like that to his wife or any muslim insha Allah Allahu alam but thats how i see it.
no muslim man should behave like that agreed.... the best of us is the one who is best to his wives... mashallah... and the best of all of us was the prophet (SaW)...
but the question was two fold... one he would be an oppressor and allah (SwT) would account him and two she would still have to obey him... and then she can look to rectify her situation inshallah by speaking to him getting ulema to spk to him etc etc
no muslim man should behave like that agreed.... the best of us is the one who is best to his wives... mashallah... and the best of all of us was the prophet (SaW)...
but the question was two fold... one he would be an oppressor and allah (SwT) would account him and two she would still have to obey him... and then she can look to rectify her situation inshallah by speaking to him getting ulema to spk to him etc etc
but if she obeyed him then she would be trangressing by assisting him in being an opressor, because we have been told that the way to stop an opressor is to prevent him from opressing people ......and if we see an evil we prevent it with our hand, or by speaking out against it, or at the very least hate it with all our hearts and that is the weakest of faith.... so surely she would be better off preventing him from sinning and having to bear witness against her husband for opressing her and being unkind to her, before Allah ta ala on the judgement day, because there is no obedience in obeying the creation in disobedience to Allah ta ala our creator, and we will answer for every wrong we do. Allahu alam
not saying dont slap him :D well for fun anyway....
but its based on the verses and hadith of obeying those in authority amongst u which included ur husband...
so the prophet (SaW) said obey the ruler even if he lashes ur back and takes ur money.... ie if hes oppressive... so the wife must obey him but there are hadith which talk about a person who misuses his authority...
also there is a fatwa one sec ill get it...
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=6990&ln=eng&txt=husband
the middle part about where she must obey him... but the rest of it is relevant to...
okay jazakAllah for the daleel.
but,
each to their own. and i would never obey him in that manner. cos my eman is weak.
There is a difference between ideas and technology.
I agree there is a difference and Muslims need to be careful about it. On the other hand, there are some issues which are applicable to all people and not just Kufaar. Have you not seen that episode of "Little angels" where a practising Muslim couple sought the advice of a 'supernanny' in disciplining their uncontrollable, unruly 4 year old? I only saw the beginning of it in which the nanny observed that the woman was spoiling the child by allowing her to misbehave without sanctions. The nanny also suggested that the mother was spoiling the child because she felt guilty about going to work during the day, but in fact spoiling the child was making matters worse because if she doesn't learn how to behave from her parents at home- this will cause her problems in the long run. I think that's a fair point and applies to parent-child relationships in general and this doesn't disagree with Islam, so the mother can take this advice on board.
Obviously on the other hand if she was given advice which went against her beliefs, then she should reject it. It's common sense really.
Mushtanda
25-11-06, 12:03 AM
I agree there is a difference and Muslims need to be careful about it. On the other hand, there are some issues which are applicable to all people and not just Kufaar. Have you not seen that episode of "Little angels" where a practising Muslim couple sought the advice of a 'supernanny' in disciplining their uncontrollable, unruly 4 year old? I only saw the beginning of it in which the nanny observed that the woman was spoiling the child by allowing her to misbehave without sanctions. The nanny also suggested that the mother was spoiling the child because she felt guilty about going to work during the day, but in fact spoiling the child was making matters worse because if she doesn't learn how to behave from her parents at home- this will cause her problems in the long run. I think that's a fair point and applies to parent-child relationships in general and this doesn't disagree with Islam, so the mother can take this advice on board.
Obviously on the other hand if she was given advice which went against her beliefs, then she should reject it. It's common sense really.
I have not come accross little angels magazine.
I prefer to read The Financial times.
We can agree to disagree as long as it is not Bollywood inspired.
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:04 AM
but if she obeyed him then she would be trangressing by assisting him in being an opressor, because we have been told that the way to stop an opressor is to prevent him from opressing people ......and if we see an evil we prevent it with our hand, or by speaking out against it, or at the very least hate it with all our hearts and that is the weakest of faith.... so surely she would be better off preventing him from sinning and having to bear witness against her husband for opressing her and being unkind to her, before Allah ta ala on the judgement day, because there is no obedience in obeying the creation in disobedience to Allah ta ala our creator, and we will answer for every wrong we do. Allahu alam
no the assistance would not be in obeying him... bcause the prophet (SaW) said obey the ameer even if he lashes ur back and takes your money by force.... removing the oppression would be to speak to him and to advise him of the wrong that he is doing... he is not sinful directly for asking his wife to do that... he will be accounted for usng his power unwisely which is a different matter but nevertheless a great one.... there is no obediance in disobediance to allah (Swt) so if he said dont pray then u cant obey him.... but as the fatwa i posted said even if he said u cant go to see ur family u must still obey him, but allah (Swt) will ask him on yawmal qiyamah why he caused u to be seperated from ur family... but if u disobey him u will be earning sin....
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:05 AM
okay jazakAllah for the daleel.
but,
each to their own. and i would never obey him in that manner. cos my eman is weak.
inshallah he will never ask you to do that and inshallah your iman will become stronger and not weaker :D
no the assistance would not be in obeying him... bcause the prophet (SaW) said obey the ameer even if he lashes ur back and takes your money by force.... removing the oppression would be to speak to him and to advise him of the wrong that he is doing... he is not sinful directly for asking his wife to do that... he will be accounted for usng his power unwisely which is a different matter but nevertheless a great one.... there is no obediance in disobediance to allah (Swt) so if he said dont pray then u cant obey him.... but as the fatwa i posted said even if he said u cant go to see ur family u must still obey him, but allah (Swt) will ask him on yawmal qiyamah why he caused u to be seperated from ur family... but if u disobey him u will be earning sin....
like i said no true muslim husband would ever do that to his wife insha Allah and if he tried that sort of nonsense on a muslim woman im sure she would advise him with ayat and hadith until she convinced him that making her stand on one leg or whatever was a really bad idea ( she would loose respect and love for him)
as for stopping her from seeing her family well it is not permissible to sever the ties of kinship for a muslim, and again that is a trangression for him to ask her to do that. no muslim man would ask that of his wife in the first place so the question is a non starter because like i said "technically" she has to obey him, but more importantly its not permissible for him to treat her like that in the first place so khalass its never going to happen except with a man who doesnt know his deen or he doesnt fear Allah ta ala and the day of judgement. the issue shouldnt be does she have to obey him. it should be does he have the right to do such things to his wife, the mother of his children
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:12 AM
like i said no true muslim husband would ever do that to his wife insha Allah and if he tried that sort of nonsense on a muslim woman im sure she would advise him with ayat and hadith until she convinced him that making her stand on one leg or whatever was a really bad idea :up:
as for stopping her from seeing her family well it is not permissible to sever the ties of kinship for a muslim, and again that is a trangression for him to ask her to do that. no muslim man would ask that of his wife in the first place so the question is a non starter because like i said "technically" she has to obey him, but more importantly its not permissible for him to treat her like that in the first place so khalass its never going to happen except with a man who doesnt know his deen or he doesnt fear Allah ta ala and the day of judgement.
that i dont disagree with.. no muslim man with taqwa would force his wife not to meet her parents.... and anyone who did that allah (Swt) would account him heavily.... but that was not the question... the question was the obediance of the wife... which is the one that i answered that upon her is the duty that she must obey and not become sinful because of his stupidity.... and she should try her best to teach him islam and correct him....
satisfaction
25-11-06, 12:13 AM
no the assistance would not be in obeying him... bcause the prophet (SaW) said obey the ameer even if he lashes ur back and takes your money by force.... removing the oppression would be to speak to him and to advise him of the wrong that he is doing... he is not sinful directly for asking his wife to do that... he will be accounted for usng his power unwisely which is a different matter but nevertheless a great one.... there is no obediance in disobediance to allah (Swt) so if he said dont pray then u cant obey him.... but as the fatwa i posted said even if he said u cant go to see ur family u must still obey him, but allah (Swt) will ask him on yawmal qiyamah why he caused u to be seperated from ur family... but if u disobey him u will be earning sin....
oviously as i stated on his intentions
but theres other hadiths
also can tell me where that hadith is from and full hadith
thats what the scholers of najd use to justify or some hadiths similar to justify helping the munafiq saudi government
that i dont disagree with.. no muslim man with taqwa would force his wife not to meet her parents.... and anyone who did that allah (Swt) would account him heavily.... but that was not the question... the question was the obediance of the wife... which is the one that i answered that upon her is the duty that she must obey and not become sinful because of his stupidity.... and she should try her best to teach him islam and correct him....
but then again would a man like that listen to a "mere" woman? i doubt it :rolleyes:
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:16 AM
oviously as i stated on his intentions
but theres other hadiths
also can tell me where that hadith is from and full hadith
thats what the scholers of najd use to justify or some hadiths similar to justify helping the munafiq saudi government
what they use to justify whatever is not the discussion here... the hadith is mashur u can see find it in the books of hadith.. just do a hadith search... its late otherwise i would have done it for u....
what the government scholars need to worry about is the hadith that says there is no obediance in diobediance to allah (SwT) and the ayah he who rules by other then the law of allah (SwT) is kaafir.... :rolleyes:
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:18 AM
but then again would a man like that listen to a "mere" woman? i doubt it :rolleyes:
allah (swT) guides whom he wills and he misguides whom he will.... ikrimah ibn abi jahal (ra) one of the most ardent opponents of islam... the man who was one of the handful that even fought the prophet (Saw) at the conquest of makkah was brought into islam by the dawah of his wife.... you should not be quick to condemn.... all of us have our weaknesses (may allah (SwT) cover and erase them) and perhaps that person would be stronger then us in other matters but weaker in this matter?
I have not come accross little angels magazine.
I prefer to read The Financial times.
We can agree to disagree as long as it is not Bollywood inspired.
Inshallah, I'm hoping this is the last time we go :icon_offtopic: on this issue. "Little Angels" is not a magazine, it is a TV program, usually on BBC 3 which is a cable channel. Clearly what I said was not 'Bollywood inspired' as I've emphasised in all my previous messages, Muslims should disregard any advice which contradicts Islam.
allah (swT) guides whom he wills and he misguides whom he will.... ikrimah ibn abi jahal (ra) one of the most ardent opponents of islam... the man who was one of the handful that even fought the prophet (Saw) at the conquest of makkah was brought into islam by the dawah of his wife.... you should not be quick to condemn.... all of us have our weaknesses (may allah (SwT) cover and erase them) and perhaps that person would be stronger then us in other matters but weaker in this matter?
Allahu alam i just meant that a man who enjoys treating women like that is hardly likely to want to sit and listen to her, when hes on a power trip trying to get his wife to behave like a monkey. but i would still try to convince him to save him from sinning insha Allah, and if i had to obey him then i dont think i would respect him anymore and might grow to hate him so then id have to divorce him to prevent committing kufr. Allahu alam.
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:29 AM
Allahu alam i just meant that a man who enjoys treating women like that is hardly likely to want to sit and listen to her, when hes on a power trip trying to get his wife to behave like a monkey. but i would still try to convince him to save him from sinning insha Allah, and if i had to obey him then i dont think i would respect him anymore and might grow to hate him so then id have to divorce him to prevent committing kufr. Allahu alam.
allah (swT) said to the men... but i think it applies to the women aswell.... that when u look at ur wife and u see something that displeases u then dont let that thing cause you to hate her becaue you will see other things that please you.... if we expect our spouses to be totally perfect in every single matter and hate them for something that displeases us whilst over looking everything they do to please us then which marriage would last....
imagine a man who is on a power trip sometimes, but other times he is the nicest man in the world.. would you still hate him for the smaller time or appreciate him for the rest of the time?
ur_yusra
25-11-06, 12:33 AM
allah (swT) said to the men... but i think it applies to the women aswell.... that when u look at ur wife and u see something that displeases u then dont let that thing cause you to hate her becaue you will see other things that please you.... if we expect our spouses to be totally perfect in every single matter and hate them for something that displeases us whilst over looking everything they do to please us then which marriage would last....
imagine a man who is on a power trip sometimes, but other times he is the nicest man in the world.. would you still hate him for the smaller time or appreciate him for the rest of the time?
If hes on a power trip lets hope he gets an electric shock.
imagine a man who is on a power trip sometimes, but other times he is the nicest man in the world.. would you still hate him for the smaller time or appreciate him for the rest of the time?
I know alllll the warning signs masha Allah and i also now know the hadith of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam who did not allow the muslim women to marry harsh or miserly men so wouldnt ever happen in the first place insha Allah :up: a believer never gets bitten from the same source twice insha Allah ( plus a power trip is arrogance and the one who has a seed of that will not enter jannah right? so wouldnt ever help him to remain on his power trip and stay married to a man who disobeys Allah ta ala)
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:39 AM
I know alllll the warning signs masha Allah and i also now know the hadith of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam who did not allow the muslim women to marry harsh or miserly men so wouldnt ever happen in the first place insha Allah :up: a believer never gets bitten from the same source twice insha Allah ( plus a power trip is arrogance and the one who has a seed of that will not enter jannah right? so wouldnt ever help him to remain on his power trip or stay married to a man who disobeys Allah ta ala.
zubair ibn al awwam (ra) was also a harsh husband and a very jealous one.... and abu bakr (ra) advise to asma (ra) was be patient because if u are then you two will be together in jannah (zubair (ra) had already been promised jannah so for asma (rA) to be his wife would be a great honour)...
like i said u overlook the faults of each other... and u work to make each other stronger....
erm. if a hubby n wife had that much respect. they wouldnt ask their spouse to stand on one leg.
unless they BOTH found it amusing which obviously is another story.
The standing-on-one-leg question is pointless because in any normal marriage both husband and wife spend most of their time at home crawling around on their hands and knees either:
== looking for children hiding beneath or behind furniture
== or looking for food or important household items that children have thrown or hidden beneath or behind furniture
== or searching for pets whom the children have so terrfied as to cause them to hide beneath or behind furniture.
:D
ur_yusra
25-11-06, 12:40 AM
I know alllll the warning signs masha Allah and i also now know the hadith of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam who did not allow the muslim women to marry harsh or miserly men so wouldnt ever happen in the first place insha Allah :up: a believer never gets bitten from the same source twice insha Allah ( plus a power trip is arrogance and the one who has a seed of that will not enter jannah right? so wouldnt ever help him to remain on his power trip and stay married to a man who disobeys Allah ta ala)
Yeh but the problem is often 'practising' brothers go on these 'power trips'.. its really sad.. because its not easy to spot before marriage and mostly it is found out afterwards.
I have seen it end in divorce.
Yeh but the problem is often 'practising' brothers go on these 'power trips'.. its really sad.. because its not easy to spot before marriage and mostly it is found out afterwards.
I have seen it end in divorce.
yup ukhti, exactly right, been there done that and it is absolute mental torture because then they also refuse to divorce u and with no islamic court u can be trapped...audu billah but im good at spotting the warning signs now insha allah and i know just what questions to ask beforehand to see how he thinks insha Allah ....( :idea: a new thread in the sisters section perhaps ? ......)
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:47 AM
yup ukhti, exactly right, been there done that and it is absolute mental torture because then they also refuse to divorce u and with no islamic court u can be trapped...audu billah but im good at spotting the warning signs now insha allah and i know just what questions to ask beforehand to see how he thinks insha Allah ....( :idea: a new thread in the sisters section perhaps ? ......)
thats another problem with sisters they see things that arent there :rolleyes:
ur_yusra
25-11-06, 12:49 AM
yup ukhti, exactly right, been there done that and it is absolute mental torture because then they also refuse to divorce u and with no islamic court u can be trapped...audu billah but im good at spotting the warning signs now insha allah and i know just what questions to ask beforehand to see how he thinks insha Allah ....( :idea: a new thread in the sisters section perhaps ? ......)
Yeh well the sister I know ended up obtaining khula. Men for you.. :rolleyes:
or maybe an addition to an already existing thread.. begins with a 'p' ;)
thats another problem with sisters they see things that arent there :rolleyes:
can we just keep it civil and lay off the insults insha Allah, its actually a really serious matter subhanallah u have to know what to look for in a muslim man, just as u look for someone who will cook, women are looking for a kind husband insha Allah.
ur_yusra
25-11-06, 12:54 AM
can we just keep it civil and lay off the insults insha Allah.
I think hes referring to me.. as usual :torture:
its actually a really serious matter subhanallah u have to know what to look for in a muslim man, just as u look for someone who will cook, women are looking for a kind husband insha Allah
Yeh :(
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:58 AM
can we just keep it civil and lay off the insults insha Allah, its actually a really serious matter subhanallah u have to know what to look for in a muslim man, just as u look for someone who will cook, women are looking for a kind husband insha Allah.
what women see as kind is the problem... women today see a man who will protect her and keep her safe but keep her in the home as unkind... or a man who makes them wear niqaab as unkind, or a man who is strict in adherence to certain views as harsh.... or a man who expects her to make breakfast as pathetic, or a man who expects her to cook for guests as an oppressor...
its not an insult to u.... its just how certain sisters have become now.... but inshallah theyll learn :D
what women see as kind is the problem... women today see a man who will protect her and keep her safe but keep her in the home as unkind... or a man who makes them wear niqaab as unkind, or a man who is strict in adherence to certain views as harsh.... or a man who expects her to make breakfast as pathetic, or a man who expects her to cook for guests as an oppressor...
its not an insult to u.... its just how certain sisters have become now.... but inshallah theyll learn :D
:rolleyes:do they really... and how many sisters have u been married to that behaved like that or is that just the news of men whoose wives had a narrow escape perhaps
how come any issue that involves men being good to their wifes in the first place, turns into sisters are this, and sisters are that ?
ur_yusra
25-11-06, 01:12 AM
:rolleyes:do they really... and how many sisters have u been married to that behaved like that or is that just the news of men whoose wives had a narrow escape perhaps
how come any issue that involves men being good to their wifes in the first place, turns into sisters are this, and sisters are that ?
Cheap shots only indicate ones own underlying insecurities.
The way I see it, if a man shows kindness to his wife.. and that includes compassion.. she will go out of her way to do more then what he asks for. It will be a pleasure to look after him, cook for him, keep him happy (rather then just fulfilling an obligation). But if he undermines her rights (i.e. by mocking them) and abuses his own.. then she will do bare minimum.. with little love or care..
Now if the man had adopted the former attitude not only would he have a happier wife but in turn she would do much more for him (e.g. make him breakfast).
-Yassar
25-11-06, 01:16 AM
Cheap shots only indicate ones own underlying insecurities.
true that...
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 01:17 AM
:rolleyes:do they really... and how many sisters have u been married to that behaved like that or is that just the news of men whoose wives had a narrow escape perhaps
how come any issue that involves men being good to their wifes in the first place, turns into sisters are this, and sisters are that ?
oooh believe me i have dealt with a fair share of divorce cases and i have seen cases where the men have been far from just and i have seen cases where the women have been far from whats the right word..... sane minded...
i mean can u imagine a sister saying to a husband im not cooking for ur guests.... or a sister saying to a husband dont visit ur mum... or a sister saying to her husband i dont like you meeting ur brother ...
please dont make this into a all men or most men are evil or unjust... it works both ways...
Cheap shots only indicate ones own underlying insecurities.
The way I see it, if a man shows kindness to his wife.. and that includes compassion.. she will go out of her way to do more then what he asks for. It will be a pleasure to look after him, cook for him, keep him happy (rather then just fulfilling an obligation). But if he undermines her rights (i.e. by mocking them) and abuses his own.. then she will do bare minimum.. with little love or care..
Now if the man had adopted the former attitude not only would he have a happier wife but in turn she would do much more for him (e.g. make him breakfast).
exactly ukhti masha Allah, she will love him so much more insha Allah, look how Allah ta ala placed so much ever growing love between khadijah and Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, surely the more u obey Allah ta ala and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam the more sucessful your marriage will be insha Allah so much baraka in everything u do for each other subhanAllah. Allah ta ala knows best his creation which is why we have clear guidlines about how to keep each other content within a marriage
oooh believe me i have dealt with a fair share of divorce cases and i have seen cases where the men have been far from just and i have seen cases where the women have been far from whats the right word..... sane minded...
i mean can u imagine a sister saying to a husband im not cooking for ur guests.... or a sister saying to a husband dont visit ur mum... or a sister saying to her husband i dont like you meeting ur brother ...
please dont make this into a all men or most men are evil or unjust... it works both ways...
oh ok sorry my apologies, i didnt realise u are a qadi/imam and have dealt with peoples marriage problems and their divorces masha Allah. well anyway i have never said anything bad about "brothers" or "all men" i just put forward the fact that men should fear Allah in regards to women even if they are acting a little "insane" they should have sabr with them as the hadith clearly states we are created curved like a rib try to straighten us and it will be our divorce. a woman needs a good leader a good amir a good example of a strong husband,who would never abuse his position of authority insha Allah
ur_yusra
25-11-06, 01:21 AM
exactly ukhti masha Allah, she will love him so much more insha Allah, look how Allah ta ala placed so much ever growing love between khadijah and Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, surely the more u obey Allah ta ala and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam the more sucessful your marriage will be insha Allah so much baraka in everything u do for each other subhanAllah. Allah ta ala knows best his creation which is why we have clear guidlines about how to keep each other content within a marriage
Yeh.. we only have to look to Umar bin Khattaab (RA) to show us how a real man behaves towards his wife.
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 01:21 AM
oh an please note how i said SOME sisters not most or many or all or majority or just sisters full stop... and contrast that to how SOME sisters speak about MEN in general full stop :rolleyes:
ur_yusra
25-11-06, 01:28 AM
oh ok sorry my apologies, i didnt realise u are a qadi/imam and have dealt with peoples marriage problems and their divorces masha Allah. well anyway i have never said anything bad about "brothers" or "all men" i just put forward the fact that men should fear Allah in regards to women even if they are acting a little "insane" they should have sabr with them as the hadith clearly states we are created curved like a rib try to straighten us and it will be our divorce. a woman needs a good leader a good amir a good example of a strong husband,who would never abuse his position of authority insha Allah
I guess a man will truly not know what this means until he gets married. So much wisdom in this hadith.
I guess a man will truly not know what this means until he gets married. So much wisdom in this hadith.
sah masha Allah SubhanAllah
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 01:36 AM
exactly ukhti masha Allah, she will love him so much more insha Allah, look how Allah ta ala placed so much ever growing love between khadijah and Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, surely the more u obey Allah ta ala and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam the more sucessful your marriage will be insha Allah so much baraka in everything u do for each other subhanAllah. Allah ta ala knows best his creation which is why we have clear guidlines about how to keep each other content within a marriage
oh ok sorry my apologies, i didnt realise u are a qadi/imam and have dealt with peoples marriage problems and their divorces masha Allah. well anyway i have never said anything bad about "brothers" or "all men" i just put forward the fact that men should fear Allah in regards to women even if they are acting a little "insane" they should have sabr with them as the hadith clearly states we are created curved like a rib try to straighten us and it will be our divorce. a woman needs a good leader a good amir a good example of a strong husband,who would never abuse his position of authority insha Allah
im not a qadhi but i tend to be in these situations where i have to speak to people who are having these problems etc...dont know why but it just happens...
anyway like i said i never advocated husbands being unkind to their wives, but at the same time i dont advocate wives being ungreatful to their husbands .... and personally ive seen an equal ammount of both... its not one is more where al the men are so nice and the wives evil or the wives are all nice and the men are evil...
what i said from the beggining and what i continue to say and what i have heard most ulema say is.... the man should be kind to the wife... the wife should be greatful for what her husband does... the wife should overlook his harshness and turn it to love.. the husband should over look her faults and continue to be patient....
that is what i have said always and will continue to say so.... if u see something u dislike in ur wife then u overlook it and try to mould it away... if u see something u dislike in ur husband u overlook it and mould it away...
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 05:43 AM
Bump
ibn suleman
25-11-06, 07:14 AM
theres a difference between doing a stupid thing and doing a humilatiating thing. the latter wouldnt be allowed, as for a stupid thing, if done cos the husband finds it pleasing then the wife has reward for it if she does it,
We all know that the wife must obey the husband unless he tells her to do something outside the boundaries of Islam..
This is a serious question and I would really appreciate valuable input. What if the husband asks his wife to do things which aren't against Islam but are stupid.
For example.. though it might sound silly but you get the jist.. for example if he asks her to stand on one leg? or if he tells her she can only eat once a day.. or if he says you can't eat that apple.. or if she has cooked for him and he asks her to go and cook again (some men make their wives cook three times a day)..
Anyway things like that.
I guess different things please different men. I guess it would come down to why he would his wife to do such a thing.
But you should ask a scholar.
(some men make their wives cook three times a day)..
Wheres Al-Irhaab ... only the Hanafi's do :rolleyes:
.: hayat :.
25-11-06, 09:02 AM
sounds like hubby punishing his wife :D
well it depends, if he asked u to do stupid things which wont harm u in a way then do it to please him, its all about love/care/respect or a humor between 2
if he is being rude always n enjoys his wife taking orders n going thru pain then taking talaq from such husband wud b appriciated
well thnx for the inspiration i wud ask my wife to stand on 1 leg :D
which in the examples exposed do not exist such feelings of love care and respect..so stupid things do not come frm care respecct..
I guess different things please different men. I guess it would come down to why he would want his wife to do such a thing.
But you should ask a scholar.
Wheres Al-Irhaab ... only the Hanafi's do :rolleyes:
...
Basically, the husband does not own the wife - so she does not automatically become some sort of "bringer of things" when the husband wants it or needs it.
No offence sis, but this question really disturbs me. If he asks you to do anything stupid; then you dont do it! Where is your self-respect and dignity? If he asks you something stupid, you tell him that!
If he doesn't care - then he's not being a good husband. Refuse him that, and make him realise he is wrong to have a demanding attitude - especially when it comes to a silly request.
If you do it however, he'll just keep asking and expecting you do it over again whenever he chooses. So he's trying to see where you draw the line, and if you don't - then there is no limit to what he'll ask of you.
Or is there no line?
If there was no line, then I'd hate to be a wife - in fact, I'd never marry if i was a woman. Whatever implied there was no line?
You see (not talking about you now), but when it comes to women's roles in Islam - this is what confuses me. There is a great perception, by them, on forums and in person that when they are marry - they practically become the object of the husband and they must do everything to please the husband, because it would be pleasing Allah.
Yet, their acts would have no limit - so they're effectively unhappy in a marriage which is supposedly to be about a two-way relationship. Not a one-way highway which favours the husband.
The sad and worrying thing is; i've seen many threads like this in the past; women who don't know what their rights are, what they can do and what they can't do. They ofcourse have their own ideas, they're not stupid - but they dont know what is allowed and what isn't in terms of how live with your husband.
And many husbands abuse their role as protectors and providers, with the burden of responsibility - but they twist this to their roles being the "king of the house", who is for his every desire to be provided for. :mad:
It's painfully pathetic and sad that women do not know to act with common sense sometimes when it comes to marriage, and men who abuse their rights in marriages should be divorced immediately and put in a small cell to rot for the rest of their lives :mad:.
:rant:
Supernova Nebula
25-11-06, 09:56 AM
Kal, i have to say, whoever your wife is, she's very lucky mashaAllah:)
One of the most important obligations, for the husband, is that he must treat his wife with love and be considerate of her desires/wishes/needs and try to fulfil them.
Now, most of us live in a society where the word "gentlemen" exists - meaning you put her needs and wishes in front of yours. You, basically as the man, become second.
The term pretty much puts emphasis on women - as to be treated like princess' or queens - your "own personal flower" those aren't my words btw lol)
If a wife here, or a potential wife, ever feels that her husband is abusing his status in a Muslim family, in this context or a similar one where he demands stupid things of you - then you have to ask yourself if he is behaving like a husband or a school-yard bully.
If she can't realise that, or is too afraid of losing her husband - then dont ever complain when he mistreats you in the future because you evidently don't mind.
Kal, i have to say, whoever your wife is, she's very lucky mashaAllah:)
:D *going red*
If there was no line, then I'd hate to be a wife - in fact, I'd never marry if i was a woman. Whatever implied there was no line?
You see (not talking about you now), but when it comes to women's roles in Islam - this is what confuses me. There is a great perception, by them, on forums and in person that when they are marry - they practically become the object of the husband and they must do everything to please the husband, because it would be pleasing Allah.
Yet, their acts would have no limit - so they're effectively unhappy in a marriage which is supposedly to be about a two-way relationship. Not a one-way highway which favours the husband.
The sad and worrying thing is; i've seen many threads like this in the past; women who don't know what their rights are, what they can do and what they can't do. They ofcourse have their own ideas, they're not stupid - but they dont know what is allowed and what isn't in terms of how live with your husband.
And many husbands abuse their role as protectors and providers, with the burden of responsibility - but they twist this to their roles being the "king of the house", who is for his every desire to be provided for. :mad:
It's painfully pathetic and sad that women do not know to act with common sense sometimes when it comes to marriage, and men who abuse their rights in marriages should be divorced immediately and put in a small cell to rot for the rest of their lives :mad:.
:rant:
You upset about somthing? :(
If there was no line, then I'd hate to be a wife - in fact, I'd never marry if i was a woman. Whatever implied there was no line?
You see (not talking about you now), but when it comes to women's roles in Islam - this is what confuses me. There is a great perception, by them, on forums and in person that when they are marry - they practically become the object of the husband and they must do everything to please the husband, because it would be pleasing Allah.
Yet, their acts would have no limit - so they're effectively unhappy in a marriage which is supposedly to be about a two-way relationship. Not a one-way highway which favours the husband.
The sad and worrying thing is; i've seen many threads like this in the past; women who don't know what their rights are, what they can do and what they can't do. They ofcourse have their own ideas, they're not stupid - but they dont know what is allowed and what isn't in terms of how live with your husband.
And many husbands abuse their role as protectors and providers, with the burden of responsibility - but they twist this to their roles being the "king of the house", who is for his every desire to be provided for. :mad:
It's painfully pathetic and sad that women do not know to act with common sense sometimes when it comes to marriage, and men who abuse their rights in marriages should be divorced immediately and put in a small cell to rot for the rest of their lives :mad:.
:rant:
why dont you educate us then? if we are so PAINFULLY pathetic that we dont know our own rights..and we cant even start a thread with abuse hurled at us..then EDUCATE us. seeing as u find it so disturbing.
why dont you educate us then? if we are so PAINFULLY pathetic that we dont know our own rights..and we cant even start a thread with abuse hurled at us..then EDUCATE us. seeing as u find it so disturbing.
He's got a point. Many ppl go into marriage not knowing there rights. I think he was a bit harsh though ...
But what can i say ... :1popcorn:
He's got a point. Many ppl go into marriage not knowing there rights. I think he was a bit harsh though ...
But what can i say ... :1popcorn:
he has a point but he has put it out in a harsh way.
he has a point but he has put it out in a harsh way.
Were at the same level of thought :D ...
why dont you educate us then? if we are so PAINFULLY pathetic that we dont know our own rights..and we cant even start a thread with abuse hurled at us..then EDUCATE us. seeing as u find it so disturbing.
I wasn't insulting anyone, i even implied i was speaking generally.
And yes, i find questions like that disturbing because it defies logic, common sense and everything esle I can imagine.
"Are they are no limits?"
Who wouldnt find that disturbing? I am saying there are limits, and im speaking generally that i have seen women in the past who didnt think they had ANY rights over their husband whatsoever.
THAT is painfully sad and disturbing. I am not running marriages here, i'm saying my own opinions - just like you are, and I don't think the context in which is being discussed here to be right AT ALL.
I am not a perfect Muslim at all - im not saying I am, but atleast I know somethings about how the wife/husband should treat each other - and this is wrong.
That's not me insulting you - i am giving helpful advice. If i was your husband, and treated you like dirt, then you can say to me "educate yourself". I am not your husband, im just a Muslim passing along advice, that is my intention and im sorry if you took it the wrong way.
But there are issues more important than the wording of my posts...
You upset about somthing? :(
Yes. This.
I wasn't insulting anyone, i even implied i was speaking generally.
And yes, i find questions like that disturbing because it defies logic, common sense and everything esle I can imagine.
"Are they are no limits?"
Who wouldnt find that disturbing? I am saying there are limits, and im speaking generally that i have seen women in the past who didnt think they had ANY rights over their husband whatsoever.
THAT is painfully sad and disturbing. I am not running marriages here, i'm saying my own opinions - just like you are, and I don't think the context in which is being discussed here to be right AT ALL.
I am not a perfect Muslim at all - im not saying I am, but atleast I know somethings about how the wife/husband should treat each other - and this is wrong.
That's not me insulting you - i am giving helpful advice. If i was your husband, and treated you like dirt, then you can say to me "educate yourself". I am not your husband, im just a Muslim passing along advice, that is my intention and im sorry if you took it the wrong way.
But there are issues more important than the wording of my posts...
tone counts as well. it sums up the post. i wasnt happy with the way u worded ure posts which causes offence to some women.
Yes. This.
This as in the thread or somthing some1 asked in the thread?
tone counts as well. it sums up the post. i wasnt happy with the way u worded ure posts which causes offence to some women.
if i fell in WHAT category? ???
I mis-read your post and edited mine.
My tone is just passion - it's not something personal against...?? I dont know, i only directed my anger towards men who abuse their roles and i thought you were a woman. So I dont know who you thought i was referring to.
My comments about "painfully pathetic"; I hope you understand that its a frustration expression of sympathy for women who are not made aware of how they SHOULD BE treated..instead they are only told how they SHOULD TREAT their husbands.
And so many have this perception, out of lack of information/education, that "what do i do when he asks me for this..?"
It's heart-aching.
yes im a girl.
but you cant blame us for not knowing. after all we are ALL learners of deen and you can never know enough. i agree with you when you say that women should be aware of their rights so the know how to go about in life. but a sister just asked a question maybe cos someone asked her and she didnt know.
if u read my posts u would have read what i think...thats if you bothered to read it.
yes im a girl.
but you cant blame us for not knowing. after all we are ALL learners of deen and you can never know enough. i agree with you when you say that women should be aware of their rights so the know how to go about in life. but a sister just asked a question maybe cos someone asked her and she didnt know.
if u read my posts u would have read what i think...thats if you bothered to read it.
But my posts wasn't actually directed at her mainly. I was speaking generally of women in such a situation - i was intentionally indirect cos i didnt wanna assume SHE was in that position.
Not everyone can know anything, I agree - but those who are married, SHOULD know of most things regarding marriage according to Islam - it is in their best interest.
Usually its more of an expectation for the husband to know these things, but he should be teaching his wife her rights - all of them, and not keep them hidden so he can treat her anyway she wants.
So, my point was directed at the men (not the women), i just referred to my opinion of women who are in such a dire situation.
Again, im being general - i dont know anything about Yusra, this question is probably for someone else cos last time i checked, i thought she wasn't married.
Al-Nasser
25-11-06, 11:07 AM
for example if he asks her to stand on one leg?
:rotfl:
:rotfl:
I know .. :rotfl:
Al-Nasser
25-11-06, 11:14 AM
I know .. :rotfl:
yes indeed :rotfl:
ummah forums is filled with creative ideas to add fun to the marital life
yes indeed :rotfl:
ummah forums is filled with creative ideas to add fun to the marital life
yes and you proll be surprised to hear of men to do that.
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 11:20 AM
yes and you proll be surprised to hear of men to do that.
if pointing at me directly or indirectly i admit i picked this idea from this thread n find it funny to ask out abt it
if pointing at me directly or indirectly i admit i picked this idea from this thread n find it funny to ask out abt it
i didnt even know you existed.
if pointing at me directly or indirectly i admit i picked this idea from this thread n find it funny to ask out abt it
...
i didnt even know you existed.
Thats mean.
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 11:22 AM
i didnt even know you existed.
lol ok never mind, i thought every 1 was fighting over my coment sorry
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 11:23 AM
...
Thats mean.
its allright i dont mind
...
Thats mean.
wether i was mean or not,how is it relevant to you?
lol ok never mind, i thought every 1 was fighting over my coment sorry
no brother, i didnt mean it in a MEAN way.
and no need to say sorry.:up:
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 11:25 AM
its alright sis im not good with english i mostly dont pick words if they r mean or normal
so its all good :)
wether i was mean or not,how is it relevant to you?
just feeling for a brother ... Who took the jam out of your donut :scratch:
just feeling for a brother ... Who took the jam out of your donut :scratch:
jam out of my dougnut?
:rolleyes:
sheesh.
i dont even like jam in my dougnuts so why wud i argue about that?
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 11:31 AM
hey hey brothers n sisters
i think u shud help me, after reading replies i found its not good to ask ur wife stand on 1 leg
so i shudnt b askin my wife such question right? :scratch:
hey hey brothers n sisters
i think u shud help me, after reading replies i found its not good to ask ur wife stand on 1 leg
so i shudnt b askin my wife such question right? :scratch:
.. ive said it in my post before, and this is the very thing i was talking about. WHY would you want your wife to do such a thing? :scratch:
jam out of my dougnut?
:rolleyes:
sheesh.
i dont even like jam in my dougnuts so why wud i argue about that?
... what i mean is who rattled your cage ... what you so angry/aggressive for? Thats what im asking. LOL not if you like jame donuts lol.
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 11:42 AM
.. ive said it in my post before, and this is the very thing i was talking about. WHY would you want your wife to do such a thing? :scratch:
she will laugh on such a question and i will laugh on her reply :scratch:
thats all went thru my mind thats it :)
she will laugh on such a question and i will laugh on her reply :scratch:
thats all went thru my mind thats it :)
If its for laughs then its all cool
but you cant blame us for not knowing.
I wanted to conclude my opinion on this - I hope you dont mind me using your quote as point of reference. :)
Now, you personally did not like the tone I used because it implied that I spoke derogative against women who did not know.
In this thread, the question asked was "what if he asks something stupid...are there any limits"..
If he demanded something stupid; and the wife did not find amusing (if it was intended to be) because i dont think it was revealed yet; what he wanted.
A wife does not need a hadith or a Quranic verse to let her know when her husband is treating her well. If he hugs her or becomes romantic; she does not need to run to someone or a point of information to let her know; yes your husband loves you and is treating you well as he should be.
No one needs to be told when they are being treated well - it's just a fact.
So, why would anyone need a hadith or a Quranic verse, or any information point to know when she is being treated wrongly?
Does anyone need to check a dictionary, or ask a friend or look to something else - to know they are being insulted? Or mistreated? No.
It defies common sense.
Now, I'm not for a second implying the person asking the question lacks common sense - because im sure if a friend or a mehram asked her to do something stupid, she wouldn't hesitate to refuse and let them know what she thinks of that. But, when it comes to marriage - many cultures and societies now enforce their girls/women to have adopt an attitude that when it comes to your husband, his needs and desires - you do it.
A Muslimah once told me, that it's because the emphasis some put on the man's role in a marriage. He is the sole provider, he is the protector - the one that you rely on, who works hard to give you a family - so cut him some slack and just do whatever he asks, whatever he wants. That's the least you can do for someone like that.
However, this attitude also includes the submission of any rights the women would have in an Islamic marriage. Thus - it technically ceases to become a valid marriage, let alone a valid relationship.
Common sense becomes irrelevant - the wife's own desires are second, if at all considered.
So, im sorry to anyone who found my tone rude, but that question - basically bought forward that context that i just described. I am frustrated because im confused how one can adopt an attitude of total submission to their spouse, who are meant to be their other halves.
I am confused as to why anyone would need information from Islam, or a friend, to know when they are being mistreated or undervalued. You found my post rude, you didn't need anyone to let you know that - so no one is incapable of common sense - it's just, why do they throw it out of the window when it comes to husbands?
I believe one reason, in all my years knowing of such cases, is that women in some cultures fear divorce (and thats a fact) more so than men who are able to marry whenever. Wives do not want to be single again, because then they lose everything - and that isn't Islamic at all - but what do you expect from such a situation which is hardly in accordance to Islam.
I would love to discuss this with anyone who is also interested in roles of women in marriages in some cultures. The subject matter is what first attracted me to Muslim forums:)
nope i dont mind that used my quote as a reference.
initially her post was just a question...
but it flared..
and quranic evidence was given, i accepted that because, i would never refuse evidence.
SECONDLY...
not all women are submissive to their husbands orders. not all women are scared of divorce, if its going to happen then it will. yes i agree some women want to feel that stability and therefore they are too scared to come forward and speak up. but again that doesnt mean that all women are scared.
to be frank if i was to marry such a man that treated me like that, i wouldnt stand for it. (well i hope i wouldnt anyways) thats just my piece of mind.
nope i dont mind that used my quote as a reference.
initially her post was just a question...
but it flared..
and quranic evidence was given, i accepted that because, i would never refuse evidence.
SECONDLY...
not all women are submissive to their husbands orders. not all women are scared of divorce, if its going to happen then it will. yes i agree some women want to feel that stability and therefore they are too scared to come forward and speak up. but again that doesnt mean that all women are scared.
to be frank if i was to marry such a man that treated me like that, i wouldnt stand for it. (well i hope i wouldnt anyways) thats just my piece of mind.
I said some women in some cultures :)
I said some women in some cultures :)
okay sorry i misread that.
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:03 PM
can someone show me an ayah or hadith which sas the wife has the right to disobey.... :rolleyes:
if you cant then you shouldnt go around saying they do...
:torture:
can someone show me an ayah or hadith which sas the wife has the right to disobey.... :rolleyes:
if you cant then you shouldnt go around saying they do...
:torture:
:scratch:
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:05 PM
:scratch:
im not talking about you :torture:
im not talking about you :torture:
oh. okay.
We're not implying the wife has the right to disobey at all.
If anything, we're asking if the husband has the right to mis-treat his wife..any ayah's or hadiths that say so, I'd like to see :rolleyes:
yes and you proll be surprised to hear of men to do that.
yes its devestating but true, and they can do a lot worse than just tell u to stand on one leg, they start to claim there is no rape in marriage because a woman cant refuse, they can tell u to stay in your room and not come out, they can refuse to speak to you for weeks on end, they can hit you and claim that it is "their right"
But for those men who claim that they have "the right" to order their wives around like chattel and tell them to do anything, and treat them worse than it is permitted to treat a slave....then tell me this why did the wifes of the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam argue with him? why did umar ibn al khattab let his wife shout at him and have her own opinion on matters ?
This attitude of "oh i can order her to do ANYTHING" just does not ring true, from the Quran and sahih sunnah. Technically that may be the case, and this is the danger when u take some fatwa from scolars they answer the "technicality" of the situation, and answer the specific question posed, but they do not bring forward all of the other facts in some cases, ie: can i forbid my wife from seeing her parents ? tecnically yes u can forbid her and order her as you like, but would any true muslim man ask his wife to do such a thing, absolutely not because that is something evil, and not permissible in Islam to cut the family ties and bring dissention between family members, so yes they answer the question, but should they even be entertaining such a question in the first place?...
alhamdulillah i had the opportunity to learn from a scolar who has 4 wives who are all treated like queens masha Allah, and he follows the sunnah of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam in so many ways,is an imam and takes care of a whole community! lecturing writing books and he has more than 20 children,and still manages to visit all his wives send them gifts and cooks for them (!) if he hears anything he doesnt like he says la howla wala qalta illah billah, and just smiles, till his wife calms down again masha Allah. So i have seen real muslim men in action following the way of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, yes even in this day and age they exist subhanAllah. :up: ajeeb but they do exist masha Allah.
I dont buy all this "i can order her to do anything" nonsense, men should only ask their wives to obey him in Islamic issues or to obey him in not doing something that will bring harm to his wife or his family, and to be harsh with a woman is something so blameworthy, and all men should know women are very fragile ( as the hadith states) we are like glass. So dont smash us because u will never be able to glue us back together again...
the usual reply to this from the mysogonist is to start slagging the woman off for being disobedient, and saying things like women from the uk are this and reverts are that blah blah blah when actually they had no right what so ever to ask such things in the first place, and they will answer to Allah ta ala subhanAllah FEAR ALLAH IN REGARDS TO WOMEN! how much more warning does a man need? allahu alam i think its scary the way some men are veiwing their wifes as less than slaves.
We're not implying the wife has the right to disobey at all.
If anything, we're asking if the husband has the right to mis-treat his wife..any ayah's or hadiths that say so, I'd like to see :rolleyes:
for once akhi masha Allah I think we are agreed on this issue insha Allah
yes its devestating but true, and they can do a lot worse than just tell u to stand on one leg, they start to claim there is no rape in marriage because a woman cant refuse, they can tell u to stay in your room and not come out, they can refuse to speak to you for weeks on end, they can hit you and claim that it is "their right"
But for those men who claim that they have "the right" to order their wives around like chattel and tell them to do anything, and treat them worse than it is permitted to treat a slave....then tell me this why did the wifes of the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam argue with him? why did umar ibn al khattab let his wife shout at him and have her own opinion on matters ?
This attitude of "oh i can order her to do ANYTHING" just does not ring true, from the Quran and sahih sunnah. Technically that may be the case, and this is the danger when u take some fatwa from scolars they answer the "technicality" of the situation, and answer the specific question posed, but they do not bring forward all of the other facts in some cases, ie: can i forbid my wife from seeing her parents ? tecnically yes u can forbid her and order her as you like, but would any true muslim man ask his wife to do such a thing, absolutely not because that is something evil, and not permissible in Islam to cut the family ties and bring dissention between family members, so yes they answer the question, but should they even be entertaining such a question in the first place?...
alhamdulillah i had the opportunity to learn from a scolar who has 4 wives who are all treated like queens masha Allah, and he follows the sunnah of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam in so many ways,is an imam and takes care of a whole community! lecturing writing books and he has more than 20 children,and still manages to visit all his wives send them gifts and cooks for them (!) if he hears anything he doesnt like he says la howla wala qalta illah billah, and just smiles, till his wife calms down again masha Allah. So i have seen real muslim men in action following the way of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, yes even in this day and age they exist subhanAllah. :up: ajeeb but they do exist masha Allah.
I dont buy all this "i can order her to do anything" nonsense, men should only ask their wives to obey him in Islamic issues or to obey him in not doing something that will bring harm to his wife or his family, and to be harsh with a woman is something so blameworthy, and all men should know women are very fragile ( as the hadith states) we are like glass. So dont smash us because u will never be able to glue us back together again...
the usual reply to this from the mysogonist is to start slagging the woman off for being disobedient, and saying things like women from the uk are this and reverts are that blah blah blah when actually they had no right what so ever to ask such things in the first place, and they will answer to Allah ta ala subhanAllah FEAR ALLAH IN REGARDS TO WOMEN! how much more warning does a man need? allahu alam i think its scary the way some men are veiwing their wifes as less than slaves.
for once akhi masha Allah I think we are agreed on this issue insha Allah
:up:
i agree with bro Kal .. you said Some women in Some cultures ... But not Some Husbands In some cultures, Rather Husband. Not all of husbands are like that you know
yes its devestating but true, and they can do a lot worse than just tell u to stand on one leg, they start to claim there is no rape in marriage because a woman cant refuse, they can tell u to stay in your room and not come out, they can refuse to speak to you for weeks on end, they can hit you and claim that it is "their right"
But for those men who claim that they have "the right" to order their wives around like chattel and tell them to do anything, and treat them worse than it is permitted to treat a slave....then tell me this why did the wifes of the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam argue with him? why did umar ibn al khattab let his wife shout at him and have her own opinion on matters ?
This attitude of "oh i can order her to do ANYTHING" just does not ring true, from the Quran and sahih sunnah. Technically that may be the case, and this is the danger when u take some fatwa from scolars they answer the "technicality" of the situation, and answer the specific question posed, but they do not bring forward all of the other facts in some cases, ie: can i forbid my wife from seeing her parents ? tecnically yes u can forbid her and order her as you like, but would any true muslim man ask his wife to do such a thing, absolutely not because that is something evil, and not permissible in Islam to cut the family ties and bring dissention between family members, so yes they answer the question, but should they even be entertaining such a question in the first place?...
alhamdulillah i had the opportunity to learn from a scolar who has 4 wives who are all treated like queens masha Allah, and he follows the sunnah of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam in so many ways,is an imam and takes care of a whole community! lecturing writing books and he has more than 20 children,and still manages to visit all his wives send them gifts and cooks for them (!) if he hears anything he doesnt like he says la howla wala qalta illah billah, and just smiles, till his wife calms down again masha Allah. So i have seen real muslim men in action following the way of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, yes even in this day and age they exist subhanAllah. :up: ajeeb but they do exist masha Allah.
I dont buy all this "i can order her to do anything" nonsense, men should only ask their wives to obey him in Islamic issues or to obey him in not doing something that will bring harm to his wife or his family, and to be harsh with a woman is something so blameworthy, and all men should know women are very fragile ( as the hadith states) we are like glass. So dont smash us because u will never be able to glue us back together again...
the usual reply to this from the mysogonist is to start slagging the woman off for being disobedient, and saying things like women from the uk are this and reverts are that blah blah blah when actually they had no right what so ever to ask such things in the first place, and they will answer to Allah ta ala subhanAllah FEAR ALLAH IN REGARDS TO WOMEN! how much more warning does a man need? allahu alam i think its scary the way some men are veiwing their wifes as less than slaves.
for once akhi masha Allah I think we are agreed on this issue insha Allah
well said sister. i totally understand where youre coming from.:)
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:14 PM
We're not implying the wife has the right to disobey at all.
If anything, we're asking if the husband has the right to mis-treat his wife..any ayah's or hadiths that say so, I'd like to see :rolleyes:
the husband doesnt have the right to do that... but if he does the wife should still obey... contrary to ur above posts where u have said specifically that she shouldnt obey :rolleyes:
i agree with bro Kal .. you said Some women in Some cultures ... But not Some Husbands In some cultures, Rather Husband. Not all of husbands are like that you know
Oh, i was talking about that attitude of some cultures towards the roles of women in marriages :) So some women, expect to be put in a situation like that..but some are pleasantly surprised when they get a good man
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:17 PM
yes its devestating but true, and they can do a lot worse than just tell u to stand on one leg, they start to claim there is no rape in marriage because a woman cant refuse, they can tell u to stay in your room and not come out, they can refuse to speak to you for weeks on end, they can hit you and claim that it is "their right"
But for those men who claim that they have "the right" to order their wives around like chattel and tell them to do anything, and treat them worse than it is permitted to treat a slave....then tell me this why did the wifes of the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam argue with him? why did umar ibn al khattab let his wife shout at him and have her own opinion on matters ?
This attitude of "oh i can order her to do ANYTHING" just does not ring true, from the Quran and sahih sunnah. Technically that may be the case, and this is the danger when u take some fatwa from scolars they answer the "technicality" of the situation, and answer the specific question posed, but they do not bring forward all of the other facts in some cases, ie: can i forbid my wife from seeing her parents ? tecnically yes u can forbid her and order her as you like, but would any true muslim man ask his wife to do such a thing, absolutely not because that is something evil, and not permissible in Islam to cut the family ties and bring dissention between family members, so yes they answer the question, but should they even be entertaining such a question in the first place?...
alhamdulillah i had the opportunity to learn from a scolar who has 4 wives who are all treated like queens masha Allah, and he follows the sunnah of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam in so many ways,is an imam and takes care of a whole community! lecturing writing books and he has more than 20 children,and still manages to visit all his wives send them gifts and cooks for them (!) if he hears anything he doesnt like he says la howla wala qalta illah billah, and just smiles, till his wife calms down again masha Allah. So i have seen real muslim men in action following the way of muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, yes even in this day and age they exist subhanAllah. :up: ajeeb but they do exist masha Allah.
I dont buy all this "i can order her to do anything" nonsense, men should only ask their wives to obey him in Islamic issues or to obey him in not doing something that will bring harm to his wife or his family, and to be harsh with a woman is something so blameworthy, and all men should know women are very fragile ( as the hadith states) we are like glass. So dont smash us because u will never be able to glue us back together again...
the usual reply to this from the mysogonist is to start slagging the woman off for being disobedient, and saying things like women from the uk are this and reverts are that blah blah blah when actually they had no right what so ever to ask such things in the first place, and they will answer to Allah ta ala subhanAllah FEAR ALLAH IN REGARDS TO WOMEN! how much more warning does a man need? allahu alam i think its scary the way some men are veiwing their wifes as less than slaves.
for once akhi masha Allah I think we are agreed on this issue insha Allah
again as i said to you sis earlier... that is not what we are discussing here.... the question was asked does she have the right to disobey... we are not speaking about how a husband should be nice to his wife etc etc and not be mean or harsh , no one disagrees upon that... the question which was asked does the wife have the right to disobey and the unanimous answer fromt he ulema and from the quran and sunnah is that no she does not have the right to disobey...
again as i said to you sis earlier... that is not what we are discussing here.... the question was asked does she have the right to disobey... we are not speaking about how a husband should be nice to his wife etc etc and not be mean or harsh , no one disagrees upon that... the question which was asked does the wife have the right to disobey and the unanimous answer fromt he ulema and from the quran and sunnah is that no she does not have the right to disobey...
Your only referring to what she isn't allowed to do.
The husband, also, is not allowed to be put in her in such a situation where she considers disobeying him. Correct?
So if we had an example of a harmonious balance of rights, the wife would never disobey her husband - because there would be nothing to disobey about, and this is what is expressed in the Quran.
However, if she was put in such a position - then why the prerogative to follow the words of Allah and his Nabi (saw), be on her only when her husband excuses himself from it?
E.g. He can treat her badly as he wishes..and she must still not disobey him??
again as i said to you sis earlier... that is not what we are discussing here.... the question was asked does she have the right to disobey... we are not speaking about how a husband should be nice to his wife etc etc and not be mean or harsh , no one disagrees upon that... the question which was asked does the wife have the right to disobey and the unanimous answer fromt he ulema and from the quran and sunnah is that no she does not have the right to disobey...
But what if it is something silly that has no relevence ... like standing on 1 leg.
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:25 PM
Your only referring to what she isn't allowed to do.
The husband, also, is not allowed to be put in her in such a situation where she considers disobeying him. Correct?
So if we had an example of a harmonious balance of rights, the wife would never disobey her husband - because there would be nothing to disobey about, and this is what is expressed in the Quran.
However, if she was put in such a position - then why the prerogative to follow the words of Allah and his Nabi (saw), be on her only when her husband excuses himself from it?
E.g. He can treat her badly as he wishes..and she must still not disobey him??
look regardless of how he is... that is not the discussion here.... he could be the nicest husband on earth and say to his wife go and get me a glass of milk... or go and get me my pillow from upstairs... or make me some tea.... or he could be a harsh husband... and he could ask for the same...
if he is harsh Allah (SwT) will account him for being harsh... if he asks something stupid Allah (swT) will account him for asking for something stupid.... but the question is must the wife obey him if he is asking her to do something which is not haram... the answer?
again as i said to you sis earlier... that is not what we are discussing here.... the question was asked does she have the right to disobey... we are not speaking about how a husband should be nice to his wife etc etc and not be mean or harsh , no one disagrees upon that... the question which was asked does the wife have the right to disobey and the unanimous answer fromt he ulema and from the quran and sunnah is that no she does not have the right to disobey...
so u advocate that men can order their wives to do anything and the wife cannot refuse even if that is an opression and something harmful then? because let me tell u how very dangerous this thinking is....
heres a true example: u have a man who is hafiz of Quran prays 5 times, etc etc. but he beleives for example in contraception ( although it is his wifes right to have children) he wants to "wait" so he tells her to obey him in that, can she refuse? can she stop him forcing azl on her? no ,she cannot physically stop him, nor according to you does she have the right to refuse because she has to obey her husband, so then she suffers horribly emotionally mentally, then she gets pregnant although he used azl, then he orders her to get an abortion because he doesnt beleive its haram before 120 days, so then what she has to obey him in that? because that is his "islamic" opinion and that is "his" right? this is all very very wrong
wallahi when i hear people speaking like you are akhi it makes me never want to ever get married it is just too terrifying.
look regardless of how he is... that is not the discussion here.... he could be the nicest husband on earth and say to his wife go and get me a glass of milk... or go and get me my pillow from upstairs... or make me some tea.... or he could be a harsh husband... and he could ask for the same...
if he is harsh Allah (SwT) will account him for being harsh... if he asks something stupid Allah (swT) will account him for asking for something stupid.... but the question is must the wife obey him if he is asking her to do something which is not haram... the answer?
So your saying, regardless of what he does or makes her do - regardless how bad, humiliating, irrelevant or evil (meaning he is not acting like a husband at all), she must still treat him like a husband and OBEY him?
Don't buy that at all. I think it all has to do with context.
This is exactly what i was saying in my long post; women are taught this - thus their perception of marriage. How sad that is :(
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:30 PM
so u advocate that men can order their wives to do anything and the wife cannot refuse even if that is an opression and something harmful then? because let me tell u how very dangerous this thinking is....
heres a true example: u have a man who is hafiz of Quran prays 5 times, etc etc. but he beleives for example in contraception ( although it is his wifes right to have children) he wants to "wait" so he tells her to obey him in that, can she refuse? can she stop him forcing azl on her? no ,she cannot physically stop him, nor according to you does she have the right to refuse because she has to obey her husband, so then she suffers horribly emotionally mentally, then she gets pregnant although he used azl, then he orders her to get an abortion because he doesnt beleive its haram before 120 days, so then what she has to obey him in that? because that is his "islamic" opinion and that is "his" right? this is all very very wrong
wallahi when i hear people speaking like you are akhi it makes me never want to ever get married it is just too terrifying.
no re-read what i said before you start brining specific examples...
abortion is haram full stop and the ulema that say u can do it before 120 days say only in case of life and death or rape etc...
azl is something which the wife specifically must be asked about, like you cannot spend her money without asking her etc...
we are not talking about those examples where islam has specifically stated that the husband must ask the PERMISSION of the wife...
we are talking about those things which the shara is silent on... like for example a husband who wakes up in the morning and says to his wife make me breakfast.. she might find it oppressive but she must obey....
what is terrifying is that you cant seem to understand the discussion....the husband MUST be nice to the wife and if he isnt then allah (Swt) will account him for it.... and the wife MUST obey the husband and if she doesnt then allah (swT) will account her for it.... but if her husbad is not nice she MUST still obey him
what is terrifying is that you cant seem to understand the discussion....the husband MUST be nice to the wife and if he isnt then allah (Swt) will account him for it.... and the wife MUST obey the husband and if she doesnt then allah (swT) will account her for it.... but if her husbad is not nice she MUST still obey him
What if he isnt nice to her - she has to still obey him and live an oppressive life/marriage?
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:32 PM
So your saying, regardless of what he does or makes her do - regardless how bad, humiliating, irrelevant or evil (meaning he is not acting like a husband at all), she must still treat him like a husband and OBEY him?
Don't buy that at all. I think it all has to do with context.
This is exactly what i was saying in my long post; women are taught this - thus their perception of marriage. How sad that is :(
who talked about doing anything evil :rolleyes: stop bringing words into it that dont exist...
evil is haram... he cant say slit ur ams i want to see u bleed... or slap urself... or pull ur hair...
but say for example he walks into the house and ur on the phone to ur friend and he says wifey dearest make me food, and shes like in an hour, and hes like im hungry now ... and he says make food now... she must put the phone down and make the food... even if she thinks he is being oppressive.... and she has no right to disobey ....
if he says to her thow urself out of the window... then of course no one is saying to obey that
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 12:35 PM
What if he isnt nice to her - she has to still obey him and live an oppressive life/marriage?
if thats too much for her to keep the marriage intact she can ask for khula to get better husband
who talked about doing anything evil :rolleyes: stop bringing words into it that dont exist...
evil is haram... he cant say slit ur ams i want to see u bleed... or slap urself... or pull ur hair...
but say for example he walks into the house and ur on the phone to ur friend and he says wifey dearest make me food, and shes like in an hour, and hes like im hungry now ... and he says make food now... she must put the phone down and make the food... even if she thinks he is being oppressive.... and she has no right to disobey ....
if he says to her thow urself out of the window... then of course no one is saying to obey that
Asking your wife for food isn't oppressive at all - but i understand your point better now, because you havent chosen to bring anything potently bad into your examples - I guess you'd agree if a wife is really treated badly by her husband than she does not have to obey him.
I really doubt any wife would consider divorce because her husband wanted food whilst she was on the phone - so thats a poor example anyway in the context of this discussion.
Must go..
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 12:35 PM
What if he isnt nice to her - she has to still obey him and live an oppressive life/marriage?
IF he isnt nice to her then she must STLL obey him BUT and this is BIG but she can look to rectify her situation...
so if her husbnd is being mean shouting at her all the time, throwing tantrums etc etc... then she obeys him but she will speak to him about islam and how a husband should be.... he still doesnt change... she still obeys him... she speaks to family to ask them to speak to him... he still doesnt change.... she still obeys him.... then she speaks to an alim to speak to him... he still doesnt change.... she still obeys him.... then she has the option to ask for khula.... and until then she still must obey him...
its like the husband... if his wife acts like a retard... he cant say i aint providing for her... can u imagine that... a wife is actling like an idiot causing trouble etc and a husband saying sorted im not gonna protect you or im not gonna feed you or im not gonna provide shelter for u?? should a husband still protect his wife even if she is acting like an idiot?
Muttaqi
25-11-06, 12:46 PM
I'm not a brother, but I agree with Al-Irhaab here.
The thread was about whether a woman who is told to do something silly like stand on one leg has to obey. There is no mention of standing on one leg in Shari'ah, but we know that when a husband asks his wife to do something she must obey (as long as it's not a sinful thing).
She still has to fulfill her duties even if he is not (i.e. if a husband is not kind, should be become disobedient and ungrateful?). If she feels that he is unjust she always has the option of khula'. Also, husbands and wives should rememeber that treating your spouse in the correct manner should be done for the sake of Allah (swt). Many women who are oppressed in relationships by their husbands, still continue being good wives because they see this as their test and they hope for reward in the hereafter. Likewise, many men stay in relationships with ungrateful wives because they hope for reward in the hereafter. I'm not saying people should allow their spouses to abuse them but some people may find it very difficult to get out of such marriages or they simply may want to deal with the test in the hope of reward. The unjust spouse also gets their just desserts in the hereafter.
Things like conraception, azl, like al-irhaab said should be done with the permission of one's wife, but thats not what was asked about here.
I also agree with the method of advising one's spouse, getting a third party involved, and perhaps a scholar if that doesn't work, etc.
well sister lets hope u dont get married to such a man im sure u wouldnt be so agreeable when u see the evil a man can do to his wife with such thinking and how he will use his "right" over her "just because he can" we have a duty to stop opression and it begins by edcuating men before marriage about the difference between a wife and a slave.
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 01:03 PM
well sister lets hope u dont get married to such a man im sure u wouldnt be so agreeable when u see the evil a man can do to his wife with such thinking and how he will use his "right" over her "just because he can" we have a duty to stop opression and it begins by edcuating men before marriage about the difference between a wife and a slave.
sister has anyone denied what ur saying.... i dont understand why ur taking it the wrong way and getting emotional over it.... no one is saying the husband should be like this .... what were saying is must the wife obey him....
the analogy that is simple is .... say its the wife who is wrong... say shes not being islamic in whatever way thats not a major sin... should the husband then refuse to provide for her or protect her or give her shelter.... after all why should he do his duty if she cant do hers? would you say thats fair....
and just because u have a slave doesnt mean u have to be nice to them... prophet (SaW) never once shouted at his slave.... never even sad u shldnt have done that always used to say it might have been better if u did this instead...
I'm not a brother, but I agree with Al-Irhaab here.
The thread was about whether a woman who is told to do something silly like stand on one leg has to obey. There is no mention of standing on one leg in Shari'ah, but we know that when a husband asks his wife to do something she must obey (as long as it's not a sinful thing).
Jazakallah Khair for that
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 01:08 PM
well sister lets hope u dont get married to such a man im sure u wouldnt be so agreeable when u see the evil a man can do to his wife with such thinking and how he will use his "right" over her "just because he can" we have a duty to stop opression and it begins by edcuating men before marriage about the difference between a wife and a slave.
sister by reading ur posts i think u took offence to bro al-ihab replies and missunderstood him
let me try to put his words in 1 line
obey ur husband even if he is stupid for the sake of Allah, if he is real sick ask for Khula
there r men full of sickness so there r such women
may Allah give us good practicing Muslim spouses Ameen
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 01:10 PM
sister by reading ur posts i think u took offence to bro al-ihab replies and missunderstood him
let me try to put his words in 1 line
obey ur husband even if he is stupid for the sake of Allah, if he is real sick ask for Khula
there r men full of sickness so there r such women
may Allah give us good practicing Muslim spouses Ameen
ameen to ur duah bro
jazakumallah khere
sister by reading ur posts i think u took offence to bro al-ihab replies and missunderstood him
let me try to put his words in 1 line
obey ur husband even if he is stupid for the sake of Allah, if he is real sick ask for Khula
there r men full of sickness so there r such women
may Allah give us good practicing Muslim spouses Ameen
Ameen to your Dua.
Na'eemah
25-11-06, 01:16 PM
may Allah give us good practicing Muslim spouses Ameen
Ameen!
Ibn-e-Muslim
25-11-06, 01:29 PM
mashaAllah every1 sayin Ameen to dua :jkk:
may Allah accept our Dua Ameen
-Shamil-
25-11-06, 01:36 PM
ameen :nerdbro:
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 01:38 PM
ameen :nerdbro:
thumma ameen ya rabbul arshil adheem...
I'm glad I'm male
:rolleyes: you dont know what your missing on this side of life bro
:hidban:
Al-Irhaab
25-11-06, 01:47 PM
:rolleyes: you dont know what your missing on this side of life bro
:hidban:
yeah like getting to use ur older brothers money and debit cards and getting offered 10k if u get good a level results.... man i wasnt offered 10k for no a-level results... wasnt even offered 1k.... would have been happy with 100 pounds didnt even get that... :torture:
yeah like getting to use ur older brothers money and debit cards and getting offered 10k if u get good a level results.... man i wasnt offered 10k for no a-level results... wasnt even offered 1k.... would have been happy with 100 pounds didnt even get that... :torture:
lol, so you gonna make it up by making your wife cook .. :D
" If I were to command anyone to make prostration before another I would command women to prostrate themselves before their husbands " (Abu dawud)
yeah like getting to use ur older brothers money and debit cards and getting offered 10k if u get good a level results.... man i wasnt offered 10k for no a-level results... wasnt even offered 1k.... would have been happy with 100 pounds didnt even get that... :torture:
i earn my own pennies thanks :rolleyes:
and i got a fiver and pat on the head 'you shudda got 3 A's not 2, for your a-levels beti' from dad :(
" If I were to command anyone to make prostration before another I would command women to prostrate themselves before their husbands " (Abu dawud)
i love this hadith. :up:
" If I were to command anyone to make prostration before another I would command women to prostrate themselves before their husbands " (Abu dawud)
Yah heard this one before :D
Lol, i really feel greatful that i was born male right now.
I wouldnt trade that :D
I know a few women who would prefer to be male than female cos they're life is hard!
lol :torture:
*Can't touch this...*
sister has anyone denied what ur saying.... i dont understand why ur taking it the wrong way and getting emotional over it.... no one is saying the husband should be like this .... what were saying is must the wife obey him....
the analogy that is simple is .... say its the wife who is wrong... say shes not being islamic in whatever way thats not a major sin... should the husband then refuse to provide for her or protect her or give her shelter.... after all why should he do his duty if she cant do hers? would you say thats fair....
and just because u have a slave doesnt mean u have to be nice to them... prophet (SaW) never once shouted at his slave.... never even sad u shldnt have done that always used to say it might have been better if u did this instead...
im not over emotional i have seen first hand the absolute evil and how far down that path a man can go who thinks that one hadith telling women to obey their husbands c