Kids..children..WHAT???

[tahm563]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Since everyone is going high on marriage, here is an attempt to divert the convo while still staying on the topic of marriage.

For unmarried couples: How many kids do you want? How soon after marriage do you want them? When do you think is a good age to start having kids?

For married couple: How many kids do you want? If you already have kids, please share your experiences. Is it better to have kids right after marriage or later?

[zaki]

Waalaykum Assalam

I dont really mind how many children I want to be honest, I also want to adopt too :) I wouldn't say straight after marriage, i think its best to work everything out before, I think Mid-20s is the best time to start raising children :)

[Ibn-e-Muslim]

i duno yet how many i want but i wud like to have kids straight after the marriage :nerdbro:

[tahm563]

Waalaykum Assalam

I dont really mind how many children I want to be honest, I also want to adopt too :) I wouldn't say straight after marriage, i think its best to work everything out before, I think Mid-20s is the best time to start raising children :)

I love the idea of adapting as well, being a foster mother i mean. My mum thinks i am crazy, i guess asians think it's a crazy thing to do.Me and my hubby are planning to do that Inshallah,we want to adapt a English kid.

[zaki]

I love the idea of adapting as well, being a foster mother i mean. My mum thinks i am crazy, i guess asians think it's a crazy thing to do.Me and my hubby are planning to do that Inshallah,we want to adapt a English kid.

i'm a english kid (at heart) hehe :) pick me pick me! hehe i hope you and your husband carry on wanting to do it, cause its a wonderful idea :)

[.: Anna :.]

Insha allah I definately want to have kids, to me the ideal seems like 4 like my mum had (and i wd like the same combo too i guess, 2 boys n 2 girls, and some 2 b twins :p) but Allah is the best of planners. I think as people get older n been married for a while, like their house will seem empty without kids... i dont get why some people dnt like to have them (like out of choice i mean). When 2 have them... the best time varies between ppl we cant really put a label on it. Thats up to them to sort out themselves but realising at the same time that Allah has the ultimate control over it n even if they felt they were not ready 4 kids @ that time, Allah could ordain that it is the right time for that n they hav a kid, n it will b for the best.
But personally unless Allah plans it otherwise I do wnt 2 finish my education first, i got only til the end of this academic yr then I am done insha allah... having kids while in uni is proper difficult, i dnt think anyone manages it. The same for girls that get married in college or high school... its really difficult 2 do both, kids n studying. So its like a by product of getting married young, that ppl delay kids a few yrs after marriage... cos it also important for wife 2 have the basic education, in order 2 teach the kids wen she does hav em insha allah.

[Te'oma]

When my wife and I got married we stumbled on the secret to a long marriage in a pact that we made. If we ever decide to split, the one that wants out has to take the kids with them. It's been almost 24 years and she's still here :D The one advantage of having little terrors for children :D

[carol_au]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Since everyone is going high on marriage, here is an attempt to divert the convo while still staying on the topic of marriage.

For unmarried couples: How many kids do you want? How soon after marriage do you want them? When do you think is a good age to start having kids?

For married couple: How many kids do you want? If you already have kids, please share your experiences. Is it better to have kids right after marriage or later?

We had our first son about 15 months after we married. Personally that was perfect for us.

We travelled a bit and set up a home, got to know each other and learned what the other was really like, before we added the children. Then we had two sons in 2 and 1/2 years, and I liked that too. I was never too tired as a mum to be a wife. I think that is so very important in keeping the marriage together and happy.

[Abu Noah]

We were married for I think 2 1/2 years ish before having our first child

Noah Ali

Now we wonder why we waited, I suppose if we had waited we would have had a different child.

I think we would like at least one more, but for now one is enough

[Eemaan]

We were married for I think 2 1/2 years ish before having our first child

Noah Ali

Now we wonder why we waited, I suppose if we had waited we would have had a different child.

I think we would like at least one more, but for now one is enough

what a strange thing to say and amusing!

[`asiya]

Its my understanding Islam that if u dont want kids then dont get married, kids bring couples together, u love your husband even more because u carried his child, children bring so much love between the husband and his wife. If i got married and my husband didnt want to start a familly with me I would be hugely insulted, and i would think he didnt care for me at all or that he didnt see the marriage lasting long term.

I would wonder what the point of being married was then if u have to act like the kuffar and use contraception to try and keep away the result of being married ie: children. plus the practicalities of that means the woman always suffers badly either way, by either having to take the pill ( which gives a 40%increase of a cancer risk) or by forsaking her right to enjoyment ( which is also bad for the health and no woman should put up with that and can quite legally islamically divorce such a husband)

kids are the best masha Allah and we seek to increase the ummah to make muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam stand out with the largest ummah on the day of judgment, i dont know how this idea of using contraception in an Islamic marriage came to be so widely accepted amongst the muslims, ( even the catholics do not accept this evil ) to me this is one of the most terrible things we see in the ummah today it simply is a means to try and prevent the ummah from increasing, and people selfishly wanting to enjoy the dunya without thinking of the akhira.

people in the west it seems want contraception while people who suffer terribly and have no money such as our sisters in palestine, do not choose to take this route masha Allah they still have kids for the sake of Allah ta ala, although Allah knows they would have more right than westerners to complain about how hard it is for them as newly weds.

Have kids young and being a mum is the best, and if u die young, then its one of the only things u can leave behind in good deeds. why do people think that they have years on this earth to plan for having kids "in the future" how do u know that "future" will even come we could die any minute, and i wouldnt want to die displeasing Allah ta ala and doing somthing disliked by his messenger salallahu alayhi wa salam.

[.: Anna :.]

Contraception is for some circumstances and some methods of contraception Halal. We have been over this in previous really long thread :p
Islam encourages the young people to get married, so sometimes people are ready to get married masha Allah but may not be quite prepared enough to have a child yet. For example it is Halal for them to get married at age 13 if they agree to it and their are mature enough, bt 13 year old have got compulsory school. Is it really beneficial for them to not use ne contraception so that by the time they actually finish the school days they will have 3 or 4 kids and did not learn anything? Because parents have to be teachers of the children aswell, and its not beneficial for the mother to be very deficient in knowledge because the more she knows, the more she can teach the children.
People plan for kids in the future, they do realise they could die before hand but u cn always make dua 2 Allah ta3ala to allow u to have children before u die, which might work... if not then not having children is not a sin. it is not as if the person went to the hospital and had the permanant steralisation, which is Haraam. If someone died with out having children then actually that is qadr of Allah and even if they never used ne contraception in their life n got married since the age of like 12 and tried for babies every single day then they would not have had a child... Allah is the all powerful one so contraception is not really going to prevent anything which he has ordained. In that sense I suppose we all should probly stop wasting our money on it then actually lol.

[`asiya]

Allah is the all powerful one so contraception is not really going to prevent anything which he has ordained. In that sense I suppose we all should probly stop wasting our money on it then actually lol.

exactly :up: its what muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam said to the companions who tried to practice azl with slave women and it failed and they became pregnant he salallahu alleyhi wa salam said (english translation)

"why would any of you do that!?

"do you not know that nothing comes into existance without the decree of Allah ta ala "

so why would any of us do it Allah ta ala creates life as he wills and knows what is best for us, and no amount of contraception can prevent that.

[.: Anna :.]

BUT he allowed them to do it, so we have to look at it from both sides of the matter. Rasoolallah :saw: was asked about it and did not forbid it, so we can not make it Haraam. But also he :saw: has recommended us to increase the size of the ummah, and we have to know that Allah swt has the ultimate power over when we have kids, and how many and all the details of that like the gender, health of the child etc etc.. so of course we should want to have kids insha allah. We shouldnt take it to either extreme, the one of saying like "insha allah I want only one child in my life" and trying really hard to prevent pregnancy etc, because of career or some other reason. But on the other hand we shouldnt try 2 maintain that contraception in all forms has been made haraam in all circumstances, bc evidently it hasnt. But we have to take the middle path in that :D
May Allah bestow on all of us children who will be pious and steadfast muslims ameen :)

[Kal-El]

I'm wondering...

Hadiths and verses say that you should pick to choose a fertile spouse, what if you marry someone who isn't fertile, intentionally, the marriage is still valid right?

Otherwise that would mean infertile people are not allowed to marry.

[`asiya]

he salallahu alleyhi wa salam "allowed" them to see their own mistake and masha Allah they saw it, because the women got pregnant anyway even with azl, but there is absolutely no point in doing it, but u can do it if u think it will prevent Allah from giving you a child go ahead, but be prepared to be proven wrong by Allah ta ala, and people should consider that this is not their right to have as they will Allah ta ala could take away the ability to have children altogether to those who thought they could please themselves and their naffs before Allah ta ala.

ummah.com is the only place i have ever heard muslims freely stating contraception is absolutely fine and halal and nothing wrong with it if u want to fulfil your desires in the dunya or your too irresponsible to be married in the first place to have children. Allah knows best but i go with Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam and the scolars and their daleel on this matter and i do not believe in contraception, its a ridiculous notion to me. get married young and have loads of kids insha Allah, in fact brothers get married 4 times ( and sisters let them ) and have even more kids insha Allah :up: its the best thing ever

[Kal-El]

he salallahu alleyhi wa salam "allowed" them to see their own mistake and masha Allah they saw it, because the women got pregnant anyway even with azl, but there is absolutely no point in doing it, but u can do it if u think it will prevent Allah from giving you a child go ahead, but be prepared to be proven wrong by Allah ta ala, and people should consider that this is not their right to have as they will Allah ta ala could take away the ability to have children altogether to those who thought they could please themselves and their naffs before Allah ta ala.

ummah.com is the only place i have ever heard muslims freely stating contraception is absolutely fine and halal and nothing wrong with it if u want to fulfil your desires in the dunya or your too irresponsible to be married in the first place to have children. Allah knows best but i go with Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam and the scolars and their daleel on this matter and i do not believe in contraception, its a ridiculous notion to me. get married young and have loads of kids insha Allah, in fact brothers get married 4 times ( and sisters let them ) and have even more kids insha Allah :up: its the best thing ever

:rubeyes: Who ever said that?

The only detailed discussion that I remember about contraception, very clear stated under what circumstances contraception is permissble - and those circumstances were re-emphasised.

I understand and appreciate that you dislike the idea of contraception, but walahi if anyone read your posts regarding it - they'd think its strictly haram and disgusting :D (I know I did when I first read your posts on it)

If you wanna talk about it, then just post on that Contraception thread and I'll be right there

[`asiya]

:rubeyes: Who ever said that?

The only detailed discussion that I remember about contraception, very clear stated under what circumstances contraception is permissble - and those circumstances were re-emphasised.

I understand and appreciate that you dislike the idea of contraception, but walahi if anyone read your posts regarding it - they'd think its strictly haram and disgusting :D (I know I did when I first read your posts on it)

If you wanna talk about it, then just post on that Contraception thread and I'll be right there

ya Allah! here on ummah I have seen many muslims say u can use contraception if your not feeling ready for children, or if you want to study, or if you want to wait a while and get to know each other,or u want to save some money first, get settled down, etc. etc. i have never said it is haram completely across the board because i have always stated there is an exception given by the scolars, which is ,the womans life being in danger due to pregnancy (extremely rare case) or that she wants to space the pregnancies because she has had a child each year and her body is tired ( again very rare that a woman will need to resort to this Allah does not burden a soul with more than they can bear) ( and even if u will die from pregnancy then what better way to die ? u wil die as a shaheed with a child in your womb who u wanted for the sake of Allah ta ala ) like anna said for a second back there, if u beleive that Allah creates as he wills then why waste your money? unless u think this contraception can actually do something for you to protect you from the will of Allah. end of.

[Kal-El]

ya Allah! here on ummah I have seen many muslims say u can use contraception if your not feeling ready for children, or if you want to study, or if you want to wait a while and get to know each other, etc. etc. i have never said it is haram completely across the board because i have always stated there is an exception given by the scolars, which is ,the womans life being in danger due to pregnancy (extremely rare case) or that she wants to space the pregnancies because she has had a child each year and her body is tired ( but then what better way to die than as a shaheed with a child in your womb who u wanted for the sake of Allah ta ala ) like anna said for a second back there, if u beleive that Allah creates as he wills then why waste your money? unless u think this contraception can actually do something for you to protect you from the will of Allah. end of.

EDIT: Nevermind.

[`asiya]

yes well bro if u want to go fatwa shopping , u can find a "fatwa" from a "scolar" allowing anything these days at the end of it all it comes down to do u want to please Allah or yourself jannah or jahannam easy choice really.

[MG]

im not really bothered what sex the kids are but i want kids, kids, kids ,kids and .......more kids inshallah :p

their naivety, innocence, their strength, it jus makes me so amazed at how allah swt created them with these qualities :)

[Ebony]

Are you a kid-aholic? :eek:

[MG]

Are you a kid-aholic? :eek:


:D

*stands up in front of everyone*

My name is MG and i am a kid-aholic :D

[Kal-El]

yes well bro if u want to go fatwa shopping , u can find a "fatwa" from a "scolar" allowing anything these days at the end of it all it comes down to do u want to please Allah or yourself jannah or jahannam easy choice really.

I really dont wanna direct this thread into this contraception subject; but it sounds like you are making the point that those fatwa's that allow contraception for other circumstances in addition to the health and safety of the woman, are not given by true scholars at all.

How do you make this distinction?

[`asiya]

I really dont wanna direct this thread into this contraception subject; but it sounds like you are making the point that those fatwa's that allow contraception for other circumstances in addition to the health and safety of the woman, are not given by true scholars at all.

How do you make this distinction?

a true fatwa contains the secret ingredient evidence from Allah ta ala and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam, and when it comes to scolars were not just talking about someone who brings just one hadith, one ayat were talking about scolars of hadith who know the whole story behind the hadith, know the circumstances of , and the questioning that led to the hadith that was narrated, who knows what the sahabbah were agreed upon, and then by bringing ALL of the evidences on any subject matter together to find the clear proof from Allah ta ala and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam. someone who just tells you, "no you cant its haram" , or who tells you "yes you can thats halal" and brings u one hadith leaving behind all other ahadith and all other ayats on the matter is not someone i would trust to teach me my religion that would just be blind following .

[Kal-El]

a true fatwa contains the secret ingredient evidence from Allah ta ala and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam, and when it comes to scolars were not just talking about someone who brings just one hadith, one ayat were talking about scolars of hadith who know the whole story behind the hadith, know the circumstances of , and the questioning that led to the hadith that was narrated, who knows what the sahabbah were agreed upon, and then by bringing ALL of the evidences on any subject matter together to find the clear proof from Allah ta ala and his messenger salallahu alleyhi wa salam. someone who just tells you, "no you cant its haram" , or who tells you "yes you can thats halal" and brings u one hadith leaving behind all other ahadith and all other ayats on the matter is not someone i would trust to teach me my religion that would just be blind following .

So you believe the use of contraception, for any circumstance other than when it concerns the safety of a spouse, is invalid - and the fatwa's that support any such notion are taken out of context and therefore invalid themselves - meaning contraception (other than that ONE extreme case) is strictly haram?

Assuming that is your point...

Then why is it that so many agree that there are additional circumstances (other than the one you spoke of) for it to be permissible for a limited time only? Can you find me some fatwa's online, or Islamic articles online, that discuss specifically this confusion amongst Muslims - and comes to a conclusion regarding contraception please?

I'd be interested in reading it.

[`asiya]

:D

*stands up in front of everyone*

My name is MG and i am a kid-aholic :D

masha Allah may Allah ta ala bless you with good muslim children amin

[MG]

masha Allah may Allah ta ala bless you with good muslim children amin


ameen sis ameen